Complete Inner Bicep Tattoo Removal

I'm not sure what my motivation was behind getting a tattoo. I think it must have been mostly due to the fact to the fact I thought they looked 'cool', if done well and in the right location. I opted to have something tattoo'd inside my bicep, as it felt like it wouldn't be too overstated, and I'd seen other tattoo's in similar positions that looked good. I knew (or at least I thought I knew) that I wanted some text - and so I set about to find a quote online. In hindsight this already seems like the wrong way round to be doing things. I guess most people already have something in mind before they opt to get inked. I settled with a some latin - a quote by a famous Roman poet 'Horace' - "aequam memento rebus in arduis servare mentem." Roughly translated it means "remember to maintain an even mind in times of adversity". I liked it as it reminded me that things wouldn't always be plain sailing, and that life will sometimes throw difficult things at you - but its important to maintain a level-headed, strong minded approach when this happens. Shortly after I had made my decision I went in to get the tattoo. In hindsight, the font I used could have been a bit more aesthetically pleasing - and its this that led me to believe that the tattoo looked a little lost and needed something more. In early 2012 (and after toying with several ideas, some of which i'm very glad I didn't act upon!) I came across a website that allows you to set-out roughly a criteria, put forward a sum of cash (an amount you chose based on how much you're willing to spend!) and then artists compete to come up with a design for you. I wasn't willing to put forward too much cash, so I was only presented with a couple of ideas. I liked the design that I chose (see picture). It's a winding path, and represents life's journey and the ups and downs that go with it (which ties in with the quote - and is a little pretentious!). I had it booked in and got the tattoo done. The guy who did the work seemed to rush it a little. I think this was partially due to the fact they had double booked me and someone else, and the other person waited for him to finish me! In hindsight (seem to be using that word a lot) this should have rung alarm bells and I should have come back another time. From the moment I got home, something told me that I'd made a rough choice. I wasn't happy with the way it looked on my arm. This mindset has remained all the way until recently. I found/find myself not comfortable to wear t-shirts around people at the moment, because of the tattoo. I finally decided that I had been lying to myself, and wasn't happy with the sun aspect of the design. It just sat awkwardly on the arm. I looked in to laser tattoo removal and found a place nearby that offers it. I went in for a consultation and had a test patch done. A week or so later I went back to have the first session. I could see that a lot of the ink had gone already from the test area, although in its place was kind of a reddish/brown color. This concerned me slightly at this point but after talking to the technician we decided it was still healing and that it was probably normal for it to be a little red for a couple of weeks. We proceeded with the treatment. Over the following weeks I became more and more disheartened as the area that was lasered remained this stained colour, under the skin. I kind of obsessively looked for any info I could online. I came across things like hyper-pigmentation and post inflammatory erythema, but they didn't seem to quite fit with what I was experiencing. 7 weeks after the initial treatment I went back for round 2. I showed the technician that this strange staining hadn't really shifted (possibly had faded a very small amount). She wasn't sure as to why. We decided it probably wouldn't be wise to go over the whole thing again and so just settled with lasering a few small areas that had been missed on the first occasion and left it at that. I asked if she had seen what I had before, and she didn't. She very kindly said she would check with her boss (who had a lot more experience) and would get back to me. A couple of days later I received an e-mail to say she had been in touch with the company that manufacture their laser and that they had indeed seen this happen before. It was something called 'hemosiderin'. This is apparently where iron from the red blood cells gets trapped underneath the skin following a trauma (in this case the laser treatment) and produces a kind of brown/red staining. This seemed to make sense. She was also told that this will eventually clear, but can take anywhere from 2-12 months to do so. She advised that they would have to cancel my next appointment and couldn't continue until such time that it clears. I was pretty deflated. So that's pretty much where I am now. I have a dull, reddish stain on my arm in the shape of a sun, that's likely to not improve for some time. Kind of defeats the whole point of having the removal done in the first place. I can find very little information regarding 'hemosiderin' online (at least in terms of how it can be a complication of laser tattoo removal). I have purchased some cream that contains vitamin k oxide, which apparently could help, but I'm seeing no effects as of yet after 4 or 5 days use. I feel somewhat angry with myself for deciding to get a tattoo in the first place. I could do without this stress in my life and the worst part is its very noticeable, to me, owing to its position on my arm. I'm in two minds what to do next. I'm quite an impatient person, so the thought of having to wait a year (or possibly longer) for this to clear (if it does clear!) makes me feel ill! One option would be to return to the tattoo parlor (and use a different tattooist) and have something skillfully placed over the top of it and then leave it at that. Whilst i'm there I would have the rest of it touched up and made to look better, to make up for the reasonably poor job in the first place. The other part of my brain is telling me that tattoos might not be for me (if I'm having all these thoughts about keeping it covered up in public) and that I should be patient, see what happens, and then if I do see fading of this stain, continue the treatment further down the line perhaps with a view to having the whole thing taken off. What worries me about this though is the idea that my body seems to be be pre-disposed to this kind of staining, and that every treatment I have will require months and months of waiting afterwards, whilst my body tries to clear it. In a bit of a pickle really. Has anyone else had anything similar to this happen to them? Any thoughts that might guide me? I'd be really appreciative. I think I might start posting pictures on here every couple of weeks as a journal. Seems somewhat therapeutic to at least be writing this down. # It's also worth mentioning that the when I had the treatment, I seemed to bleed. Every blip of the laser made a small puncture mark in the skin. This looked different to the other videos I'd watched of laser treatment. I've read that this can happen and figured that I must just have soft skin! However, part of me is worried that maybe the settings on the laser was too high - resulting in this damage. Just another thought.

I've been thinking long and hard about what to do next and I've come to the conclusion that I want the whole tattoo removed.

If I think about it, I haven't been comfortable with having the the tattoo on show since the day I got it. I would feel awkward if people asked me what it meant or wanted to see it. That shouldn't be the case, I know. I've decided that I'm not a tattoo person, its as simple as that (it's just a shame it took getting a reasonably large tattoo for me to realise it!).

What I need to do is look forward. I can dwell on regret, the what if's etc. I can be angry at myself for making a lousy decision, but none of that will help. I'm going to take pro-active steps in putting things right and re-gaining confidence in being able to wear t-shirts in public again and facing my topless self in the mirror!

Decision made.

Now, the problem I have at the moment (that I'm obsessing over daily) is this weird staining thing I seem to be prone to (at least from the one treatment I've had). I've been told that it will clear by itself over the coming months, but being the over-thinker I am, I'm worried that I could be left with a permanent stain in place of the tattoo. Having said that, I'd sooner rather be rid of the bulk of the ink and then perhaps use something to cover the remaining shadow up, should it come to that...which I hope it doesn't. I think there might be still be some light ink underneath the sun, so it might not be as bad as it looks, but it's still a real concern to me.

I have today booked a consultation at a different place for next week. I'm hoping I might be able to get a second opinion on what might have caused it. I'm also going to get a price for the removal of the rest of the tattoo - which is going to hurt (in every sense), I'm sure! If the price is reasonable then I'll likely go ahead and book up. If its way too expensive then I'll likely go back to the original place (which wasn't too pricey). However, in my mind I associate this place with this strange staining now. The suspicious part of me is worried that it could be be due to the laser they use, the strength or something along those lines. Anyway, I also have a follow up consultation in there the week after. So on a positive note, I've got a couple of options. On a negative note, my bank balance is gonna take a hit.

I'm going to keep this review up to date with my progress, including pictures. I find it helps to get this kind of stuff written down. Also, if it can help anyone else in making their decisions, then all the better!

So I'm fresh out of my first session on the rest of the tattoo. The inside of my bicep feels like an inferno. I won't lie, it was painful, considerably more so than the sun rays (due to the darker areas).
My technician also did a test patch on part of one of the sun rays (I won't try and describe where on the picture because the whole thing looks such a mess!). It didn't really seem to be picking up much though so I'm not sure ill see any change in the strange browning.
I'll post up another picture in a week. I'm hoping to see some decent fading in the black (I hope) but I understand it can take some time for this to start!
Feeling generally down and deflated about the whole thing at present. Such a long process and none of this should even be happening. What a silly mistake!