“Are You Seriously Going to Do This... AM I JUST VAIN AND LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO PACIFY ME?”

I am a female in my early 30's. No children but obese all of my life. I lost quite a bit of weight size 24 to a 8-10 but have regained and I'm in about a 16 now. At either weight, 10 or 16, my body only shrunk... it wasn't disappointing at all, I was happy and I lost weight with diet and exercise, however, I never could look the way I wanted, I honestly was and still am afraid to get surgery... however, due to another problem I have to get surgery this year anyway and now I am considering a tuck brachioplasty (arms). My logic is, I am already going under for surgery, why not get this done too?

I'm torn though, I feel like maybe I don't deserve it, I don't have a this problem because of kids. I'm also spiritual... and I'm concerned I am being vain and that maybe God will punish me while under... I know it sounds CRAZY but that is what I am thinking...

I've only told 2 people what I am thinking. I'm ashamed to tell anyone else. I believe writing will help me greatly.

Besides an upcoming surgery that I will eventually need to get done and it will hopefully alleviate some minor aches and pains, I want this because I have tried to lose weight and get in shape the "right way" and YES I love working out and stying fit. even at this 16 I feel okay, but I can't run like I use to and I am still working out... I just don't have the time to do 1.5 - 2 hours a day 6 days a week like I use to. Regardless, even with the hard work I never looked like I wanted (flat stomach and no love handles and WINGS FOR DAYS... at my smallest they waved and hung). I just want to be happy with how I FEEL AND LOOK. I want to show my stomach if I want to or wear a back less dress... even in a 8-10 I couldn't.

Anwyay, I have been SO ANXIOUS and torn. This seems like the perfect time to do it, altough I'm not at my lost weight because I will already be on leave for at least 4 - 8 weeks... and the surgery already required a bikini cut (meaning I was going to scarred anyway)... but again, I think this is just me trying to justify it... so pros:

- No kids or family, so financially this is a good time for me
- already going under and will have a scar
- flat stomach, no more flabby arms, and a flatter back... he isn't sure if he can get all of it... I carry all my weight in my back it seems
- I'm pretty darn confident now, but I want to like my shape and all the hard work I have put in to loose the weight I have lost

CONS
- Doing this alone (kinda)... I'm a little worried about my mental/emotional state
- Will I be out even longer because of the multiple surgeries
- Its expensive
- I may have to get more work done because I plan to still workout and loose weight (size 10 is fine for me if my stomach and back or flat)

I'm SO ANXIUOS AND TORN!!!