5 mo PO

OK, I am 29 and will be 30 on in May! This will be my birthday present to myself as I am having my surg May 17th!. I have two kids ages 5 and 7 and have wanted a TT since my 7 year old was born but knew I wanted another child. So, 5 years later, here I am ready to get it done. I am 5'8'' and weigh 180 lbs. Before pregnancy, I weighed 168 and was comfortable although I am in much better shape now and do feel better.(spent a lot of it going out partying overseas). I am also in the military so that is a big factor of my worrying with this surgery.

I HAVE to get back into shape within a certain amount of time and I HAVE to continue to do sit-ups. Did I forget to mention I am deploying again in the fall? I worry about if sit-ups will always be so painful for me even after months of recovery(I have to do as many sit ups as possible in a minute time and I have to make it to a minimum number or I fail the physical test and can get kicked out).wow...soo much stress about this major thing to me.

I have never been over weight as a kid, teenager or adult except when I gained 80 lbs while pregnant. I didn't have any stretch marks prior to this either, so after my first child was born, I was left with a body I did not recognize and still don't. Honestly, I don't think my stomach looks so terrible if I am butt naked.. It is when I have to put on clothes is when you see parts sticking out of places they shouldn't. Like pants for example, If i want my pants to not fall down to the ground, my muffin top has to show its presence, and to add to it, the muffiin seems to try to push my pants off. This girl is NOT wearing high waist pants to avoid this..It isn't comfortable. So here I am having to do the shake while I am pulling up my pants so the crack wont show. :)

I am not doing this so I can wear a bikini again.That would be a huge perk though :).. I feel like this is a foreign body to me and I want to reclaim as much of ME back again. I come from a line of work that if something is broken, I fix it. So this is me repairing my body. I know it wont snap me back into my pre-pregnancy body, but I think it is a major step towards it.

my worries for surgery

1) not being able to do sit ups without it feeling like I am ripping my muscles apart causing me to have to be discharged from the military.

2) my belly button sits high and I hope I don't have a large vertical scar in order to have the horizontal low OR the horizontal scar is very high because most of my skin is below my belly button.. where is it going to pull down from?!!

3) I like my belly button now and hope it will look as closely as it does. (thought about just doing a mini tuck with lower muscle repair but I know I wont be happy because there is some skin to be tightened above)

4) I am only taking 11 days off. I know from reading though this site, it may or may not be enough time but I am in a situation where ANY time isn't a good time and I can't afford to take any more than 11 days off from work.(I did have flank lipo done a few years back and took a total of 9 lbs out) I went back to work after 4 days. I felt fine but sore. I know this is much more of a major surgery. My doc seems to think I should be fine.

5) This is a very silly worry but one I think about... I paid to go skydiving last year with a few friends but our schedules are horrible and still haven't gone. I am worried even after a few months recovery, it isn't gonna feel too hot flying stretched out falling to the earth. Silly, I KNOW!!

I leave to go out of country for a few weeks so it will keep my mind off of this for a while although I know I will still think of it cuz the date is getting very close.

One week count down starting today. It still seems unreal and just like a date in the future. My mom will be taking care of me and she just informed me that if all goes well with my surgery and I get a good outcome, she is going in to get one too!! Funny! I guess I am the one who she needs to see go through it in order to make a decision.

My compression garments are in the mail and i still need to get everything else on my to-do list this weekend. I think I am not so consumed by this as others are because my mind is occupied with my upcoming deployment in the Fall. Me leaving my kids again gets me more anxious and nervous than getting cut open and in pain for weeks.