On my journey to become breast implant free

After I had my children my boobs got smaller than...

After I had my children my boobs got smaller than they were as a teenager . All I wanted was to be able to feel out tops and feel like a woman , I had thought getting implants would make me more confident so I proceeded and got my BA about three months ago, the first two days I was fine and then the depression hit me I don't like the size they are too big for my little frame. I have gave it three months already and I just don't like the size of these 350 on my frame. I called my ps the second day and stressed my concerns about the size and told him I want them out.

I have a appointment on 4/23/13 to see what he has to say about removal I had my BA done axiallary and wish he could remove them this way but mine are silicone and I don't know if that's possible , I'am just worried about how is he going to find my original crease because I know he lowered my crease during the BA to fit these big ole things in me . I can't blame my ps for the size I chose but he didn't help me pick out sizes either , I am just going to try think positive when I think to much about it makes me cry my lord my mother taught me better than this and this is the price I must pay for wanting something god didnt intend me to have.

Everyone keeps telling me to keep them , but there not me and the one that has to walk around with them. I feel like sometimes should I keep them and let my body be stretched out, but in the back of my mind I know I don't want them and I got to be true to myself .

Hello ladies I saw my ps on Tuesday about my...

Hello ladies I saw my ps on Tuesday about my removal he agreed to do it if that what I want he said . I ask him about how the crease would heal where he lowered it he said it would go back to where it originally was. I'm still trying to figure out where he will cut me for removal so it don't show in my swimsuit I ask about the nipple and told him that I've seen a lot of puckered in nipple due to removal there. I will be finished with school May 2 and that the day I'm going to call my ps and set up my sergery . I don't think my hb likes the fact I want them out he thinks I should get used to them and he don't think there to big either. He is already booked our vacation in the middle of June so I don't know how I'm do this and be well he is hoping I will change my mind. I'm tired of all this and just want them out . Lord know why did I do this to my beatiful breast there are so many nice push up bras now that a woman don't need a boob job , I've been admiring those cute little bra I used to wear and Victoria secret has the best swimsuit this summer for little breasted women that adds two cup sizes. I can't wait to get these things out so I can buy me one.

Well finals are tomorrow I will be glad to get...

Well finals are tomorrow I will be glad to get this behind me . I get to thinking man If I would have picked just picked a 225 I would be happy with this outcome. I look at other girls that got it right the first time I wish I was them. All my money spent on something to big for me. I feel like I've bought myself something I will never forget depression and scars to remind me of this mistake . My hb told me this is not like something you buy at a store and just take back . I understand and know he is worried about me and the outcome. I tell myself God made me and he will heal me back just like he made me . He give his hardest lessons to his toughest angels . I just wanna call today and say set my sergery up I'm done with school this has been my main hold back . So wish me luck I will making my appointment soon if my ps doesn't change his mind , he said he would do what I wanted but really didnt care to talk about removal I felt . Ladies I hope I'm not making a bad decision but in my heart this size isn't for me. Ya know what too my regular obgyn has been looking out for me too I showed her the knot in my breast after my BA and she sent me to a breast cancer ps right away , she called me just yesterday it's been a month since I've seen her , she is still thinking of me for some reason. It's good to know that someone cares enough to get to the root of the problem and she calls me personally . Maybe she might be able to get these things removed due to health conditions with my insurance lol.

Hey ladies it official , I called back today and...

Hey ladies it official , I called back today and got a surgery date set for May 22 , I was thinking there for a minute they didn't want to do it , maybe because they really wanted me to like them. My hb doesn't know yet but I've been telling him it's coming this doctor is good about getting you in fast for surgery . I hope 3 1/2 weeks will be enough time to heal up because I go on vacation June 16 and I don't want to look horrible , please tell me things will look better by then. I hope I'm not making a mistake by doing this but I know at the end of the day this path is not for me no matter how much I think or thought I wanted this. I think if I would have gotten a smaller size I might have been ok but I can't change back the hand of time I got what I got and the size just isn't for me . Now I know I made this decision and put myself in this spot . I'm sure this wont be the last time I ask God for something , but I just pray He will be with me and my ps to see me through.

I will , I hope in 3 1/2 weeks will give me time...

I will , I hope in 3 1/2 weeks will give me time to heal before I go though, I love fresh seafood I wonder if eating oysters after surgery will give me an infection .

Well six more days and it will be my big day , I...

Well six more days and it will be my big day , I kinda scared of what things will look like my hb wish I would keep them , I can't help but cry thinking about what I've done to my little ones, my ps will take them out through the armpit , but has told me that might rupture them , so I don't want to take that chance. I will be getting crease scars I'm just so scared because they were not put in this way , I'm scared because he lowered me and I don't want scars on my ribs I had the underarm scar to put them in but there silicone . I'm in my late thirtys I hope things will bounce back I had very little bitty boobs. When I get this done ladies I will post my before pics without boobs and with plus my outcome. Today was hard for me sending my money out I drove around thinking should I , I did it now time to put my big girl panties on and get it over I hope I made the right decision .

My before and afters

Wow I miss my little ones.

Had to set back my removal

My hb job has got him booked up the day of my surgery , he ask me to call and reschedrule they can get me in like a week before my vacation now so I just went ahead and booked it for after my vacation on the 26 of June it will be better i feel because I don't want to be bruised up with people staring . Also I want to enjoy the sea food that might give me a infection after my removal , with the dates they gave me I would still have stitches in on vacation . I haven't changed my mind about removal though its set , now I don't have to think about people seeing my scars at least while I'm on vacation , plus it will give my righty more time to heal . This stresses me because I just wanted it to be over and needed that whole 3 weeks to heal, but I know it would probably be better so my family can enjoy our vacation without me being sick and taking care of me .

Made an appointment with my breast cancer ps

I've had enough of this nagging feeling in my righty , so off to the cancer ps doc I go this Tuesday , I just want to make sure this is no dried up blood that's causeing my pain . Also I will get him to explain how a removal is suppose to be done . He originally wanted to see me back in 6 months to keep a eye on the little knots I discovered after my BA . I hope that mamagram didn't cause this she was very gentle with me though when it was done . This pain is like on the back of my ribs and towards my lymph nodes . I going to make sure I'm fine before I get this removal .

My doctors appointment today

Went to the doctor to see whats been irratating my right breast . I seen the woman dr today that runs this breast cancer clinic , I told her about my visit before after my BA when I had to have a dianostic mamagram for those little lumps , she examined both breast real good and told me they looked great that I should maybe give them more time to heal before I change my mind , I told her its the size I couldn't accept and she went on to tell me her daughters graduation gift was going to be boobs , well I thought to myself I feel sorry for her but I might be ok if I had a cancer reconstruction ps as a mother . But anyway she showed me my report and no signs of cancer or implant damage showed intact in the ultra sound . She sent in the regular man dr I had seen the first time to do the ultra sound . I found that lymph node I was talking about and had him to scan that he checked it over and said it was normal , he agreed the right implant was kinda a little close to that lymph node . Well I told him I was planning on removing them this month and he knew how I felt the first time I seem him. Before I left he told me if you was not hurting would you have kept them , I responded I might not have been in such a rush to , but I would not ever forget this foreign feeling inside me is there. He said you do what makes you happy and wished me good luck and reminded me of my next appointment.

Coconut oil

I found this at Marshall's it's made by Williams Sonoma pure coconut oil only $ 5.99 also the asain store sells some but it was like $ 9.99 maybe I will try that one too , now I need to find me some good olive oil they say its the best .

Two more days to go

I'm gearing up now ladies it won't be long now. I've been on here it's seems like for years now but it has only been about five months since my BA . I'm getting nervous about the surgery but I'm leave it up to God and have faith he will heal me just as I was before maybe not perfect but close to it . Thanks to all you ladies y'all have helped me cope through this difficult time in my life . I know it's not over until I'm healed but I'm sure looking forward to being little ole me again.

Tomorrow the 26th is my big day

Well today I got my call from the ps nurse with my time it's at 11:00 tomorrow . They made sure I would have plenty of time to arrive because its a two 1/2 hr drive to get there . Got my button up shirt and a comfy pair of shorts and my compression bra ready incase they don't wrap me up. My time is here and I'm ready but I'm a little emotional and worried that's normal for me ,I'm a little worry wart. Soon I will be free and I can't wait to feel that feeling again it's like this whole BA has ripped the joy out of me and my life and I want it back. I will post and let you ladies know how things turn out tomorrow when I make it home . I want to thank all of you brave ladies if it wasn't for you all I would be lost without your pics.

Implants are out!!!!

Whew I'm on the healing side now ladies, Dr boyd and his team was wonderful and he took them out the way he put them in under my arms. He also showed them to me so I could see there was no leakage in either of them . My under arms are a little painful but nothing I can't handle. He told my hb that I wasn't put all they way under but I thought I was lol. I have dissolvable stitches . I had a peep and they are flat but not to bad I didn't have much to start with anyway. I didn't want to tell you ladies that he is a general surgion but the ps here informed me he has the same experience as they do and went to school together. He is a board certified general surgion and has his own facility so he doesn't have to be ps certified only of he works out of a hospital. Also he left the capsules in because I haven't had them long. I told him today before surgery God answers prayers through other people and he grinned. I feel light as a bird now and I got my happy happy joy joy back ladies.

Photos

I'm happy with this those where big 350s on my 92lb frame.

Three days post opp

Things are looking a little better today, my nips are still a little sunken in I guess it's from the high profile implants . My right boob looks like it took it the worse and that nerve feeling is still bothering me there. I thought this might go away it was almost gone before I removed them too. My under arms started to swell so I changed out to this top because it don't fit to tight around my arms and that has helped the swelling subside. There way flatter than they used to be but improving daily. I wonder if I can start massage since I have no incisions on my breast , but I just don't feel comfortable touching them to much right now. Maybe in the next week or two I will start.

Six days post opp

The olive oil seems to be working some.

One week post opp

Their improving some , been using mostly olive oil . In pictures they seem a lot bigger than what they appear to be . The flatness is improving some I think once my scars heal I can stand straight and won't look so flat , I don't mind them being small I just would like to see the firmness return some. Also my psoriasis have been breaking out probably dew to stress my doc said , and gave me some steroid cream to clear my skin up, so sorry for all the dry patches in my photos.

Finally took my tape off the scars and started mederma

I'm hoping the stitches dissolve soon so they flatten out some.

Scars

There beginning to flatten down now and one girl on here suggested ???? them and its working ????.

Four days more days till one month post opp

I'm getting there my right one still bothering me you see how it's pulling up more on the right one crease the left is more round , when I use my arm to pull up its like I can see my muscle trying to pull my nipple downwards but its getting better i hope this resolved its self.

Nips are coming out.

My righty is still higher I wish the other would catch up.

New sports bras from aerie

I got some padding with support now . I'm feeling better this week the pulling has eased up a little on the righty, I'm not going to brag to much about that because its not totally gone though yet. But here's some photos of my new bras.

Lessons learned the hard way

I'm no stranger to the rain , I'm a friend of thunder friends, it is any wonder lighting strikes me , I fought with the devil got down on his level but I never gave in so he gave up on me. God has blessed me through out my process of getting and removing my implants and never left my side things aren't as perfect as I wished for but I'm me the way God intended me to be , I was torn and broken with those implants and my ps was heartless it taught me to never trust a stranger again and not everyone has a good heart like me . I'm stronger and wiser now I can tell you that and will continue to thank God for all I have now . I will continue to pray for the heartless and will always have a kind heart that wants to help people be happy no matter what that's how I was raised no wonder your hearts on the right side because if you feel it in your heart it's right.
Dr boyd.

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Hi lady! How are you? I wanted to ask you about your muscles, since we both are explanted through axillary incision. Mine are doing weird things when I flex; how about yours? Could you tell me how your muscles are evolving since your surgery? I'm so afraid this weird looking is going to be forever.
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Both my muscles pull up now when I flex because they were cut and they have got better they don't pull up unless I flex them but my right healed up higher and still having nerve problem with that one but they don't pull up like they did when I first removed them and I would not change removing them under my arms my scars are not even noticeable even after the second cut on the same scar but I do think axillary messes up your nerves .
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Amen - I agree 1 Peter 3:4 3) Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4) Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
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Yes I agree , God made us perfect in his eyes and some don't realize until they make changes to themselfs what a gift they had and it should have never been changed in the first place God has his way of teaching us lessons so we are wiser .
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You look good to me! What do u think is still wrong?
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My right breast has healed up higher than the left and I'm still having nerve pains that bother me in that one all the way down to my foot I think maybe the tissue and muscles have healed wrong or my ps damaged my muscle
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I pray the pain works its self out. Lord please heal her more and more everyday. Give her an extra dose of hope as each day ends. Amen
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Aerie is the place for little bras , check them out ladies very sexy and we have one at the mall here. I ordered a special impact compression with padding and took it back for the xxs but the xs fit too very good for exercise I'm post it when it gets here.
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I think you´re improving, you're looking Very good, I can say you look as your pre BA pic. I don´t know if you agree, but, for explanters who only had implants for few months just as us, are aware in every detail in our breasts. I am driving crazy and making comparissons, I just ask myself I had this or that before. It is so stressful. I´m depressed again, I just ask my self why and why I did it in first place, next week I ´ll be back to work and to accomplish the last semester of school, I hope this help. Because I'm upset, sad, depressed, anxious, god, I´ve never payed so much attention to my boobs, as the way I am doing know, I am obsessing with them. I worried again about myself. I never thoght I´ll find plastic surgery horrendous, I know it works when you REALLY need it. I just think I messed up again. Sorry, but I am so mad at me. I am in tears and hate that, once again, my kids look mommy sad and crying. thanks god I m with my mom. Sorry girls I need to speak out.
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Mozza, focussing on my boobs is driving me crazy too. But I think all of us are, just fed up, and have regrets. You got these out so you could return to life as you were. We can't change the past 100%, but we undid 80-90 % by getting the implants out ! The rest, we have to work on. We all have problem areas, they most likely will improve. It can get depressing, there are times of high anxiety and your peaking, it is sad. BUT, it is also liberating, empowering, stress reducing and and downright joyful TOO! Focus on what you have gained by getting them out of you so soon, instead of what you have lost. When you get sad be extra kind to yourself. When you get mad at your self, remind your self that you are human, and make mistakes, and not perfect...but you are courageous, strong, beautiful, and you fixed your 'mistake' as best you could!!! Have a good cry, hug your Mom, wipe your tears away, and smile at your son.! Think ahead, not back...think positive and take good care about yourself. Beating yourself up is a waste of time doll! Huge hugs for you! xoxoox
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It's an emotional ride going through changes like this , I too was emotional after my removal but at the same time relieved knowing no more surgery due to boobs , in time you will be happy it just takes time to put this process behind us. I'm like you I do remember my boobs because I didn't have them long either but only time will tell how well things will heal I tell myself . Your stronger role model to those kids than you think. I also have my times of regret and cries when I'm often alone.
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Hi littlebell, all these was so unnecessary , I do regret everyday, I just can´t give quality time to my kids, I´m still disconnected and today is my first month mark, I mean, I feel very comfortable, but I can´t stand how flabby my little breasts feel. I just want to stop thinking I ruined myself, there are much important things in life !! I know, I´m aware of it, but I´m simply so mad at me. Thanks for your kind words girl, I´m having bad days.
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Hi Littlehugger, you always have good and smart words, I know I have to think ahead and my big problem is that I am stuck in the past .... uuugghh hate it !! I never, never tought I was going to suffer like this. Thanks for your support my dear, Huge hugs back to you !!
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Hugs, mozza. You MUST think ahead, and live in the NOW. I have PTSD from my husband being stalked by a person with mental issues. It caused my husband to go into psychosis and commit suicide 7 years ago. The police relocated me and my 2 kids to a new city because the person started stalking us. Since then both my children have been diagnosed with serious genetic disorders. I have 5 different sleep disorders from the brain damage PTSD caused. Doctors have just about killed me several times with drugs to make me sleep. I am telling you this because???? You have to be grateful and look forward!!!! Grateful you learned. Grateful you survived. And think about your reasons for living and enjoying your life. I have seen you struggling. I think you should talk to your doctor, and a therapist. There is no shame in that. I see a therapist to talk out guilt, fear, anxiety, grief, because if you don't work through this you could get worse. The earlier you get support from family, doctors, therapist....the better you will feel FASTER! I needed to get these implants out so I could care for my children! As long as my breasts are REASONABLE, and they are, they are not important in the big scheme of things! If it isn't gonna kill me or my kids, it isn't a problem...is my motto. I wish I could hug you! xoxox
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RJ I think yours are very lovely too, I feel I'm improving a little more , my right seems firmer I use my right hand I wonder it's the one having that pulling , I slept on my stairs and caught myself with the right I felt it pull I wonder if this is why it's higher . I've been going bra less hoping this will help and it feels like I don't hurt as much without that tight band . Hey you can have a little of my left and I will take a little of Your right we could even them on out girl tehehe X.
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Haha yeah that would great. Deal! I let mine fly solo for a wee bit too. I remember my surgeon saying going braless for a bit will give them air and aid circulation. I've not started massage yet, but I do put some oil on. Over the past few days I've felt the left is coming on a bit better. Its feeling a bit fuller but both still feel jello like and not much sensation in the nips. Its slow but still improvements :o) x
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Hey, they look great! You have plenty of lovely boob there too...give me some! Hehe. I do see they're coming on each time you update x
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I was self conscious to consider removing my implants because of my husband until I read your posts Little Bell. Thank you for giving me courage. PS Try Maderma Silicone Strips for the scaring.
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Thank you and follow your heart and all will fall in place :)
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Hi Little bell, when did you start massaging your scars ? my PS told me to start treating them after 3 weeks.
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I think it was about 3 weeks when I started and merderma is good , they were thick feeling before I started.
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Sounds reasonable 3 weeks then. I´ll get some mederma. I saw your pics and your scars improved a lot. good for you !! thanks.
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Wow looking amazing!! X
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Hi Little Bell, your scars are healing beautifully. Looking at your photo, I have to look really hard to see a slight pulling. You really do look super great! There's always one that needs a wee bit more time. My left one is less full/round than the right. Your healing beautifully and you'll continue to. Hugs x
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Thank you , I got to thinking and your right I have to give it time . Those high profiles make healing a little tougher on the nipples I think RJ .
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