Regretting my sleeve- Sweden, SE

Ok, here we go. This is my story about...

Ok, here we go. This is my story about tattooregret. I am a 23 y old girl, living in Sweden, and luckily engaged with a great guy- the only problem here is that he has a brother that is a great tattooartist. I have serveral tattoos, which I am happy or just ok with ( all of them have been easy to cover and hide whenever neccesary), so I really didnt expect to ever feel this way about tattoos. I have 2 new additions from this year that I hate. The one I regret the most is my arm- I tried to make my halfsleeve a foullsleeve and I absolutely hate it. Nothing wrong with the work itself, it's just not what Ive expected and I just don't want to have it there forever. I don't want it there for a minute more. Ive fallen back into an old depression, and can't look at myself in the mirror. I am so so dissapointed with myself and this bad dessiscions I made doing my arm- and chesttattoo. I absolutely didnt think at all before I did this, and it feels like this regret is goin to kill me. Im lookin in to laserremoval, which will be both expensive, takin most of my savi gs) and hard too reach. My only shot seems to be the picosure laser, and that is only available in our "neighbourcountry" Norway. Ill post some pics here, of the arm and the chest.

Update #1, considering alternatives, struggling with myself

Feels like Im going absolutely crazy. How do you choose from all the alternatives? I have a shot of removing the red, pink, and brown colours from my arm in Sweden, but will probably have to go all the way to Norway and the Picosurelaser to get rid of the purple, blue and the green. It will take such a long time, and so much energy, money, etc... And I dont even know if I'm possible to get it off me anyway. I've chosen all the hardest colours and patterns. My friends and family says I should keep them until there are new lasers out on the market that can treat all colours, but I really dont want to spend so long time in, what I call it, my "hate-sweater-that-I'm-not-gettin-off". I guess my alternatives are:

1. Start laserremoval at 2 different places, and get rid of most of it, while its still fresh which is a + according to my laserexperts. The last that I dont get rid of, I could cover up until there are better solutions.
2. Wait until there are better lasers out (not really a solution) and remove it later.
3. Keep them, through all mirros out the window and forever hide myself in longsleeves.
4. Try the tatt2away system, which seems to leave horrible scars.

Im callin a very proffessional laserexpert this afternoon, for eventually bookin a consultingappointment, but I really dont know what to do *rippin my hair off*

Also, as you can imagine, I'm constantly beatin up myself. WHY did I do this? Now I've come to that state where I wish I didn't start on my arm at all, and have become to hate even the upper part, a halfsleeve with an owl and a fox, that I've been totally fine with until now. I wish, with all my heart, that I was totally tattoo-free on my arms and chest, and I hate myself for not takin care of myself enough to think this thing through before I acted and booked my first appointment for my arm 1 year ago. Instead of comforting myself with natural methods like training, or doin fun things with other people, or shopping (haha), I comforted myself with tattooappointments when I found myself lonely and sad, livin in a foreign country without my friends and family. I feel so extremely stupid for fallin for that, of course my tattoos didnt make me happier. Instead, one year later, it's the tattoos that are makin me sad.

I've hade a therapist session, which didn't help so much. Will continue though, as I'm gettin sick of my terrible "sad-attacks". Don't missunderstand me, it's not JUST the tattoos on me that are kamin me react so extreme, there are other personal reasons too, but they've become the tip of the iceberg that made everything pour over. I've been able to handle my other problems pretty good, but with adding the problem of hating how I look and the constant feelin of wanting to hide, makes it harder to do so. My mom is getting tired of me crying all the time, and my boyfriend really doesn't understand it.

I'm kind of stuck here. Any help, tip, advice are appreciated.

Love, Lisa

Scheduled for may 26th

Oy, have been scheduled for my first laserappointment with Fotona laser - with the r20method, to get at the red, brown, pink, and hopefully some of the other colours too.

Nervous, but excited. My mum is fantastic, drivin me 4 hours to the doctor. A little bit concerned about the healthrisks though, does anyone know anything about that? /the risk with getting the ink out in your system

The worst hangover ever

Now it's become really bad. All I think of is getting my sleeve, my chesttattoo and my thighpiece of me. All. The. Time. HOW do you break it, how should you think to be able to stop?? I'm really trying, but I'm having a hard time escaping my negative thoughts.

Goddamnit, it feels like I've been drunk the past 2 years, and all the tattoos I've collected during that time is the big hangover, now that I am starting to sober up and realizing that MAYBE my 2 smaller tattoos would have been enough.

I'll probably have to marry a millionaire if Im going to be able to keep this regretting-and-erazing thing up. Or become one myself.

At first, I would like to thank...

...everyone that's been commenting or writing to my inbox with support and kind words. It really means a lot, thankyou!

I've changed plans, and I'm not going with the r20method at the doctor here in Sweden. Instead I have an appointment next thursday, the 5th, in Norway, to get a consultation for my arm and then eventually get my first treatment with the Picosure laser. My mom and her boyfriend is driving me 8 hours for this, so I hope it's going to go well.

I've also decided to remove the whole armpiece, as well as the flower on my chest (in time).
My dream would be to be totally tattoo-free as my tattooregret constantly grows, (which would mean bye to a tattoo on my back, thigh and my ankle as well), but oh the time, and oh the money.... If I could, I would cut them out, but almost all of them are to big or located in bad places for surgery. I rather have a scar than the tattoos, though.

How is it with the lasertreated areas later in life? Are they more sensitive to the sun (for sundamage, etc)? Does anyone know? I've tried to google it, but could'nt find an answer.

More tattoos...

... I wouldnt mind to zap away, along with the sleeve and flowers.. Big, bright and colourfull stuff, of course. And not very artistic/ well done. I hate myself for being that "go-big-or-go-home-girl".

1 day after 1 treatment

Yesterday I went to Oslo for my first treatment on the flowers on my chest and a piece of my underarm. The clinic was great, with really kind and serviceminded staff, I got a very good impression from them. We decided to start on my chestpiece and a piece of my underarm. In a couple of weeks I will continue with another piece of my under- and overarm. I don't find the pain so bad but my leg was twitching like hell when they did the flowers (they hit a nerve haha). They used cool air to numb the skin, which worked very well on me. The flowers responded great, but my arm seems to be a little bit slower (harder colours for the laser). But, I do see some fading there too, and it's only been 1 day :) I feel a little better now too when I've started to fix this mess.

Day 4 post 1 treatment

Have a lot of small blisters all over my chesttattoo, a few on my arm. My arm also have a "sunburnt feeling" over it. The fading on my arm continues, and I see breakups in the black lines on my flowers. Eastimated treatments on flowers: 5, on underarm:6, overarm;6. Full removal. The pink in my tattoo, that was lasered, seems totally untouched and I fear it's going to be unremovable. With that, I've started to think about maybe just fade the whole arm down for a fullsleeve flower coverup, and go all in for a full removal on my chest, thighpiece and heart instead. Thankfully I don't have to make that descision yet. Been considerating surgery for my heart too, cause of the size.

Heres a photo of my arm, all that is greybrownish were previously dark purple. The now orange mouse was brown. The lightblue stripes is totally gone.

The photo

First treatment om upper arm

Had my first treatment on my upper arm 3 days ago. Started to zap away the owls head and some background colour. Man, getting lasered in the armpit really hurts! The dark purple background colour is now blue-grey-ish. I also had the last part of my underarm treated, ending my first round there. I've asked them to save the pink flowers, and take away the other stuff first, so theyre not touched in the photos. As for my chest, i continue to see great fading, breakups in the lines etc. My laserexpert seemed thrilled over the result too :) I've hade more blisters now than the last time, and my underarm has been swollen for days, but Thats starting too get better now. Next treatment is in August. Then im getting treatment 2 for my chest and more lasered on my upper arm.
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I think you look beautiful with tattoos. But I can understand why you are upset. I recently got my first tattoo on my ankle with my best friend and I hate it. The artist butchered the picture we gave her. We trusted her because she had 9 years experience. I hope your treatments get your tattoos faded enough for you to be confident again.
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You are one strong woman, doing what makes you happy is key and yes your tattoos are beautiful but if they make you unhappy get them off! With or without the tats you are still so beautifulxoxoxo
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Hi, just checking in to see when your next appointment is, you mention it coming up soon? Keep us posted and good luck!!
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Hi there! I'm in the same boat as you, all though I need to wait for my first treatment untill September. I see that you have some white and brown in your tattoo too, what did the people at Eraze tell you about theml? I'm getting so mixed information about the white ink! Everybody says something different and I just don't know what to do~ Since my artist just can't seem to remember if used white in mine or not! Me and partner though are pretty sure he barely used it couple of spots to highlight... He was there the whole time and he keeps telling me that the white was not taken out until the very end.
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Hey! Love your update! It is incredible how well Pico is for shadows. I am sure your tattoo will fade more in coming weeks! Good luck!
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Have they told you that the arm will be swipe skin clear with 5 treatments of pico?. Thats awesome?. Did u get any guarantees? :)
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Hello! They Said 6 treatments for my underarm, 6 for my overarm, with a guarantee of 4 free treatments after that if it isnt gone by then :)
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Hello mademoiselle. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I was watching a Uk TV program last night about Tattoos, which lead me this morning searching on the web about removal (pros ans cons). I found myself drawn to your blog and started reading your story. Very heartwarming and because of the deep feelings you wrote there, I am feeling the pain and anguish you are going through, during this brief moment in time of your wonderful life. I admire your determination, strength and courage to go through such painful ordeal. I would not have such powerfull character. Well I suppose this is a true representation of your sex, since women are stronger than men in so many ways. History shows that. Many good wishes for the coming few weeks until you finally reach your goal. Would love to hear and read more of your progress. Bonne continuation. Xavier
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It's incredible how well the Picosure clears the blue and purple, blows my mind! Glad you are feeling better now that you have started the process. 
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Thankyou so much Eva! Yes, it's not that the tattoos are terrible, I find my thighpiece much worse for example, but Im not comfortable with the locations..
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That's understandable, I am glad that the ink is responding well for you...excited to see you progress through your treatments. 
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Good to know that you feel better! :) Looks like you have had great effect with the laser! Veldig glad på dine vegne! :)
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Thankyou! Tack så mycket! :) hur går det med din arm?
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I have to say after looking at your pictures again, your arm and chest tattoo are beautiful, and looks beautiful on you - I get it when it's just not a fit for you though. 
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hey, that is really alot a lot of ink to want to get rid of it all, why do you hate it? is there a reason you dont like it,its not that bad of work looks pretty average to me. nothing to be ashamed of are you scared what people will think of you? have you considered fading to get something beautiful and feminine, there are loads of amazing artist in sweden i can recommend ! it seems like you are depressed and its intensifying everything you think is bad to a much higher level, take care of your mental state first, be happy then maybe you'll see tatoos different, try meditating and finding hobbies, you live in a beautiful country
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and are a beautiful person!
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Thankyou for your support :) Im pretty sure it's the depression that makes me hate all the tattoos, so Im gonna start with the arm and the flowers om my chest and then take some time to heal and think about my next move- maybe Im just gonna fix the heart and the thighpiece, maybe do a coverup. Time, and money, will tell :)
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Oh my God, I LOVE your thigh piece.. of course if your not happy with it then laser is the way to go. Goof luck :)
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Thankyou so much, but yes, I think that one will go too :) in time..
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Do you want a full removal or.cover up?
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Will see how good it goes, but would like to have a fullremoval of my arm and chest, and can imagine to cover up the heart and thighpiece.
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Hey! :) you have a very nice and bright tattoos! I can understand why are you lasering off your tattoos. Don't worry, you will get rid of them!
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Hi, yes thankyou :) at least i got the hope that i will, haha...
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Oh, your tattoo looks so lovely. Though I completely understand how you could hate it so much if it was not done in your vision. But it is not a bad tattoo at all! Try not to be so harsh on yourself.
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I am trying but the same goes for you! I'm actually planning on ridding myself of majority of my tattoos. I think I'll be happier. Haha.
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