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Hi there everyone. I've been searching for forums...

Hi there everyone. I've been searching for forums where you can talk about your breast implants and this seemed like a good one, so I'm going to post my story here. I'm in need of some advice and I hope that I can get some here. I must warn you though, this will be a very long post.. but I really hope that some of you have the patience to read through it.

I'm a 19 year old girl from Sweden and since I was about 15 I've been dissatisfied with my breasts. I've done a lot of research over the years and so, a few months ago, I contacted a clinic here in Sweden who specialized in breast augmentation. And on april 29th I got my breast implants. The first few days I felt okay and now I when I look back I think that at that time I hadn't really realized what I had done. It felt so surreal. But from there my story turns quite messy and confusing, both for me and for you who read this I'm sure. Please try not to judge me as I'm really confused myself at the moment. I'm keeping contact with my surgeon and I've also seen a counselor to talk about this. And of course I have my friends and family but still.. I want opinions from people who don't know me (don't take this the wrong way).

Oh well, let's continue. I'm about 5'4 and my weight is 115 lbs. I'm really petite, not too skinny but I'm thin with a little curves. I don't have any pictures to post right now so please just try to visualize if that's okay. When I first met my surgeon we agreed that I would get 320cc's in both my breats. Before my surgery I wore an A cup, and he told me that after I would probably be a C/D with the 320cc implants. But when I met my surgeon again I told him that it felt like that size didn't seem that much bigger than what I already had when you looked at them. Before my surgery I wore an A cup, and he told me that after I would probably be a C/D with the 320cc implants. But I wanted something a little bit bigger. So he showed me two other sizes - 375cc and 410cc. I got really excited and chose to go with the 410cc implants, because they didn't look to big on my body and they didn't feel that heavy either (which I found really cool, since I had thought they would weigh a lot more). I felt really good about my decision and as I said, on april 29th I had my surgery. My implants were Allergan MX410 (moderate height, extra full projection, 410cc).

But from here on out everything went bad. The first few days were okay as I said, but after that I started feeling really stressed and I panicked over what I had done to myself. I wasn't feeling happy and all I could think of was that I looked like a girl who did [RS bleep] (yeah, I said it) - really thin and slim with HUGE boobs. The pain wasn't that bad actually, but I hated the feeling of the implants - the way they moved and made weird noises whenever I flexed my muscles. My family supported me, trying to tell me to keep calm and be patient. My boyfriend was also very supportive, although he did tell me that he thought they looked a little bit too big for me. But it wasn't helping, I couldn't relax one bit and I felt trapped in my own body. And on top of that I started reading a lot of posts from girls who had breast implants, and I read many stories of people who had complications and it scared me a lot. I hated it! And this is where I don't know if I made a mistake or not (I still can't decide), but I contacted my surgeon and told him how I felt. He said that it's really common for girls who have just had a breast augmentation to feel like this. You keep asking yourself what you have done and you start doubting yourself. He reassured me and told me to keep calm. But I really couldn't, and at last he said that we could take the implants out if I really felt this bad. And so we did. On may 8th he took my implants out again (which fyi was the worst experience in my life) and now I'm just trying to heal, both physically and mentally. Right now I have a lot of mixed feelings - I feel relieved to be "myself" again, although I'm really sore from the explant and still have my scars to tend to. It's really nice to be able to sleep however I want to again and I feel a lot more free in my movements. But on the other hand a part of me misses my implants, to have something there, and not just be thin and flat (I'm not flat though, but I feel like it compared to when I had my implants). A part of me wishes that I would've been more patient and waited it out - my breasts were really swollen and maybe they would've shrunk a bit when they dropped. But yeah, I can't really do anything about that now. If I want new implants my surgeon told me that I have to wait for 6 months and that I must be entierly sure that this is what I want. It feels kind of nice to have this time to think about it, and that's why I want as much info and feedback as possible before I decide on what I should do. I know now that I freaked myself out too much and that it probably would've gotten better if I'd just had the patience. But I can't to anything aboyt that now so..

What I want feedback on is not if you think I did the right thing or not. I wanna know if you think that 410cc's sounds really big for my body (oh and yeah I forgot to mention that I put my implants under the muscle). With 410cc my surgeon told me that I would've had to wear D/DD bras, and that sounded really good at first but in the end it felt too big for me. If I get new implants again I'm thinking of going with the 375cc implants instead, since my surgeon told me that 50cc's often "disappear" when you put your implants under the muscle. Or if I should go with 320cc, but that really feels too small for me. I still want to have a big change, just not too big.

I'm not looking for lectures on that I should "really think this through and be sure if this is really the right thing for me to do, since I panicked and took the implants out the first time". No, believe me, I've heard that from everyone I've talked to about this. I know what I must to if I consider doing this all over again. I just want some feedback, that's all. What do you think about the sizes on me? Again, sorry that I don't have any pictures, I will try to fix some if that's necessary. Maybe you can share your sizes, weight and height with me so that I can compare? I'm grateful for any kind of advice, really.

Thanks!!