My story starts in 1991 when I was 19 years old. I...
My story starts in 1991 when I was 19 years old. I had wanted bigger breasts throughout my adolescence, I was a 34A and in the early nineties there was no bra in that size available in Sweden, it was before padding or wonderbra existed. I felt that my breasts were too small to fit my body and I felt unfeminine as I couldn´t wear any nice underwear. When I met a friend of a friend who had had BA and she was so very pleased with her result, and at the same time my grandfather passed away and left me some money, I went through with it.
Omg, when I think of it now, what did I knew when I was 19? There was no internet, so the only information I got was from my PS. I don´t remember him talking about any risks or complications, but maybe he did and I just couldn´t take it in. I got 200 cc implants with liquid silicone over the muscle, incision under nipple. The size and place I learnt later, I had absolutely no idea at the time of surgery. The size was ok, but I didn´t like the look of my breast any more than I had done before. With clothes on I looked great, but in nude I thought my breasts were ugly. My breast were also very hard and my nipples were all numb, this came as a shock for me, I didn´t get sensation back until 2 years after surgery.
So the years went by and I developed an indifferent relation to my breasts, I really didn´t care about them though I liked the size. From time to time I considered the need to change implants, but I postponed it until I had had children. So when my second daughter was born and I was done breastfeeding, I suddenly felt how awkward my breasts felt. I had developed a very hard capsule and my breast tissue had dropped from the implants that looked like they were stuck to my upper chest. Not a great look. I didn´t want to see my PS from 1991, so I booked an appointment at another clinic, but that PS was so negative about just a change of implants, he told me I needed a lift, which was something I was, and am , quite sure that I do not want. I still have some issues with sensation in the nipples and I don´t want a lot of scars. All I wanted was natural looking breasts for my age, so I went to another clinic. I thought about explanting, but my vanity was stronger and I was scheduled for a change of implants 1 of April 2010, Mentor 325 cc over muscle, incision under the breast with an internal lift.
Boy, I had expectations of the result, was I finally getting the nice, soft breasts that I had wanted all the time? Well, I didn´t. The under muscle position made every muscle flex in my chest muscles to make my breasts look deformed, swimming was extremely uncomfortable and the muscle problems gave me pain in my left arm and I got DB. My PS said it would improve, but it didn´t. So as a last chance to fix my boobies, I did a revision surgery in May 2012, and changed the same implants to above the muscle. Directly after surgery my breasts looked and felt wonderful and I was so pleased! But it didn´t last for long, after 3 or 4 weeks I discovered rippling underneath my right breast, it doesn´t show much, but it feels disgusting to touch, it is more like a crease on the implant than “common” rippling on the sides.
Then I found this site and have been reading all of your stories, which have made me so sure about that I want an explantation, I have lived for over 20 years with implants that I don´t like, now is the time to go natural. I am 40 years old and so many things have changed in my life the last years and this is something I need to do. Unfortunately, my PS don´t want to explant now, he wants me to wait. But I cannot see why I should wait, I want it done and I want to be healed before next spring. So tomorrow I have an appointment with another surgeon, will see how that works out.
My consultation on Thursday 22 went well! I am so...
My consultation on Thursday 22 went well! I am so pleased, the new PS was very nice and I have confidence in him. So now I am scheduled for surgery on December 12! I hope this is the right decision, but I am so very tired on focusing on my breasts. It seems like the last 2,5 years has been all about waiting for the new implants to settle, wait for correction, wait again, oh is the rippling getting worse or better? I am really sick of these implants and curious of what my natural breasts look like. Probably they won´t be pretty, but I hope I am a big girl and can take it.
I am sorry for not having any older photos to show and I hope my english is not to bad.
Have a nice weekend all of you nice ladies here:)
Now I have paid for my surgery, no turning back...
Now I have paid for my surgery, no turning back then! Yes, I want to get rid of these bags from my body and yes, I am prepared to look like a 40 year old mum with very small breast who has breastfed her 2 children for almost a year each. But still, I am terrified of getting disfigured breasts, can't stop looking at pictures from some women who has not been so fortunate with their explantations. I hate to be this shallow and vain.
Love to all of you nice people in here:)
So, now I am very close to my surgery date, and...
So, now I am very close to my surgery date, and I'm freaking out! Today I went sports bra shopping, to have something to wear the first time after the surgery. And I was fast rewind 20 years back in time, there was no A cup bras! Is At last I found 2 that were ok in A/B size and that went down a bit on the ribcage so that they wont carve in to the incisions.
I have been so busy finish my work, right now I am out of employment as the company I used to work for shut down their business in my town, and the last weeks were loaded with work so I haven't had the time to think so much about this.
Now that I have been at home for a week, I realize that I am very lonely, my husband is not at all supportive and thinks this is the most stupid idea that I ever had. Quite funny when he did not like my breasts with the first set of implants as they were hard, then he did not like me to get them replaced and even less liked when I did the change of position from under the muscle to above. Maybe he is just afraid of changes? Still I hope he will support me and take the kids to school and do the grocery shopping for the first days. My mum helps out, but she can't do too much as she suffers from arthritis. Well, when I write this I go from anxious to angry, I really would like to live with a man that I could expect more of, it would be nice to feel taken care of for once.
The clinic has changed my appointment time from 7 am to noon, so I will be nervous (and hungry) for the whole morning. Now I just want this to be over and be nice and calm with the morphine (if I get some:))
Hugs to all you lovely ladies here!
Oh my god, I just realized that I am scheduled for...
Oh my god, I just realized that I am scheduled for surgery 12 december 2012 at 12 o'clock! Well. let's not get superstitious now!
Now it's time for shower no 1 and then I will try to take som more before pictures.
This afternoon nurse called me and told me that...
This afternoon nurse called me and told me that my PS is sick! But I was rescheduled with another PS, feels a little funny that I haven't met him, but I've heard only good of him and he is a senior partner of the clinic. So I hope this will be ok too. Could do with some sleep now, but right now I don't feel sleepy at all.
See you tomorrow or day after that, and then I will only be me, no silicone balls that comes bumpin ahead of me;)
Yesterday afternoon my implants were taken out! It...
Yesterday afternoon my implants were taken out! It all went well and i was feeling ok straight away when I woke up from anaesthesia. Incisions are quite sore but not much pain. I think you all are so brave here and looking at your breasts and taking pictures the same day as surgery! I haven't dared to peep yet, kept my eyes shut when the nurse put on the sports bra an putting some cotton wool into it to make a little extra pressure. I see that most of you have drains, but I haven't, don't think it is that common in Sweden.
It is nice that iit is over, but still, I am not feeling that relief and joy that many of you writes about, guess I am a little scared that I won't heal well and also I feel a little lonely as my husband doesn't seem to care a bit about my well being, only as he has lost his playmates. Selfish bastard (sorry for that, I know this is an explant forum, not a relationship forum).
Two days after surgery and I daren't take my bra...
Two days after surgery and I daren't take my bra off and take pictures. Now I have looked down under the sports bra and, what can I say, it doesn't look good. Cleavage is ok, but the sides are so empty and wrinkled, there are wrinkles around my nipples too. The boobs look all too wide. I put some extra cotton wool in the sports bra to keep them more closely to my body, as that was what the PS said was important for good healing. Next week, on the 19th I will have a check up with a nurse and change the dressings, stitches are dissolvable. Maybe I can ask her to take some pictures, I think I will keep the bra on until then and just wash my hair over the sink in the laundry room and take a shower on the lower part of my body. Not too depressed over the look anyway, and no regrets.
Brace yourselves, here comes som pics. I had the...
Brace yourselves, here comes som pics. I had the house to myself and really wanted a proper shower. This is quite hard to get used to, my boobs are really ugly. No way I am ever gonna show myself naked to my husband again, I know him too well and can guess his reaction.
It actually seems that there is a little...
It actually seems that there is a little improvement every morning when I wake up. Boobs are less raisin like than only 2 days ago and now the feeling of relief is kicking in! The worst is over and I hope it gets onward and upwards from now on.
To be honest, I had hoped that my own boobs would be just a little bigger now than 21 years ago, but I am not surprised with their smallness. After all, I don't put on weight on my breasts and when pregnant and breastfeeding my boobs have not been significant bigger than usual.
Today spells REST as I think I overstretched a little yesterday when the kids and I was out buying a Christmas tree. The girls were so impatient and wanted to start decorating the tree at once so I carried or dragged the tree inside and put it up. It did't hurt at the time but in the evening I was in pain, felt like muscle pain.
Yesterday I was at check up and removed the...
Yesterday I was at check up and removed the stitches. I was so sure that I had dissolvable stitches, but they were regular ones. Just 7 days after sugery may be a little early to remove stitches, but it was all healed.
As I had 3 layers of surgical tape under each breast I was a little afraid that the tape was holding the skin up and that the boobs would sag ever more when removing the tape. But it was ok.
One funny thing, with implants in, I had no visible stretchmarks, Now after explant, my boobs are full of white stretchmarks, or maybe they could be called shrinkmarks?
Doctors advice is to wear a tight sportsbra for 4 weeks, day and night, and to fill the bra with cotton wool for extra pressure.
Today I was out shopping for Christmas gifts and I couldn't help myself trying new bras on and it seems like I am a small A now.
Took a new picture today, a little better than 5...
Took a new picture today, a little better than 5 days ago. My skin looks kind of old, maybe that's what my other PS said repeatedly; you have such bad skin quality! Either way I am so glad that implants are out, now I just yearn for sleeping on my stomach and stretch my whole body out with hands over my head. Can't do that yet as scars hurt.
Merry Christmas to all of you!
Today I noticed that the skin under the right...
Today I noticed that the skin under the right breast is caving in when I lift my arm, my skin is just drawn inwards. Do I need to massage the tissue? I have read about it here but I do not really know how to do it and how often?
Funny that's the right breast again that's bugging me, with implants in, I had both the DB and the rippling on the right side.
After the stitches are taken, I don't have anymore check ups planned, I could call whenever I needed the nurse said, but there is no plan of 3 or 6 months check up like I had when getting the implants. And the only advice I got from the PS was to wear a tight sports bra for 4 weeks, no mentioning of massage.
Otherwise I am fine, just small issues with finding a comfortable but still firm sports bra and I have a little ache in neck and shoulders as I am less physically active than I use to be.
Today I took some new pics, but I didn't succeed...
Today I took some new pics, but I didn't succeed to get a picture to show my indentation under right boob and when I was to upload the front picture I realized that photo from today looked same or even worse than the 9 day photo. So I wait a little more with new pics.
I did send a picture in an e-mail to my PS and asked about advice on massage and about the indentation, feels funny to send breast pics on e-mail but I guess it's their job to look at these things. Well, he answered that it probably is remains of the capsule that causes this and that it will most probably go away in a few months. Massage can be good, but not necessary and I am not to overdo it. So I continue to massage a little twice a day.
Today is a bad day concerning my look and how I feel about the small boobs, it is really up and down. One one hand I am glad that I am healthy and relieved to be out of silicone and fake boobs and on the other hand I think I looked better with bigger boobs. I guess it it just a process as well as it was a process to make up my mind to explant, but still..... they are sooo small. Sorry to be so vain.
Today I found a push up bra that really pushed...
Today I found a push up bra that really pushed things up! Felt almost unreal to see a cleavage again. But I am not to wear it now, no underwire bra for a couple of months, so I continue with my sports bras 24-7, both because it feels comfortable with the support and because I am afraid that they will sag more.
I feel fairly ok and have started to go to the gym, but no upper body excercises, and power walk. Post surgery rest and Christmas holidays are not a great combination, it feels like I have put on some weight and I hadn't my ideal weight before the surgery either. So I think I will feel better if I get in shape, small, saggy boobs don't go well with a fat, floppy tummy.
When I look at the pictures that I have posted, I don't see any difference from day 9 til now, at least not in a good way. But I think it is very difficult to take good pictures, or pics that show the truth. The stretch marks that I wrote about before are almost gone, very funny. They did't show all the time, only sometime when I took off a really tight bra and then it looked like a cobweb on my breasts, really freaky, like witches boobs:)
The indentation under right breast is still there, no change and I did not manage to capture it on pic today either. But it is OK, it only shows when I rise my arm.
I have micropore tape on the scars, doctors advice to have it on as long as scars are red and only change it when it is dirty or fall of, like in every 10 days. But since I do the massage twice a day, with lotion on my hands, the tape falls of only after a couple of days.
Well, now I long for the breast obsessing state to be over, I am kind of tired of focusing on how do they look, massage, putting tape on, this bra or that bra and how much can I exercise. Maybe I am too impatient, but I just long for being carefree and take my small saggy boobs for a run.
Today I was to the bath house with my kids (don't...
Today I was to the bath house with my kids (don't know if that is the correct word for a indoor swimming place?). Very fortunately as I have thrown away all my old bathing suits and bikini bras, I found a bikini bra with price tags on in my drawer that fitted, I had bought it a year ago without trying it on, and it was way to small when I came home, but now it was OK.
It felt a little awkward to take the small, only just healed boobs out in public, but it went fine, I am ok with how I look. In the shower I saw a very petite woman with HUGE implants, and I know it is none of my business, but I almost felt sorry for her. I am not at all judgemental and not anti implants, but I guess these reactions come after all the problems and corrections and thinking about explanting or not explanting.
This boob stalking that I have been doing for some time really must come to and end, before I looked at boobs if they were with implants and now I look at small boobs and compare to my own sagginess. It feels a little weird to not be able to refrain from looking at boobs, but at least I know how men's eyes work now:))
I added new pictures of the drawn in skin on my...
I added new pictures of the drawn in skin on my right breast. It doesn't bother me that much as it doesn't show if I not rise my arm. I have no planned check ups with my PS, I feel that even if he was very sympathetic and nice, this was not "real" surgery for the clinic, this was not surgery where how it looks afterwards matters, it was just, I don't know how to describe it, but as they can not do more for me if I am not in for any other plastic surgery procedure as fat transfer for example.
For quite some time after surgery I had pain over my left breast to left armpit and it felt like muscle pain. Now it has gone away and I think it is becaus I have started to go to the gym and spinning.
Everything feels OK at the moment, just a little tired of sports bras which I think are hard to combine with nice clothes.
Now I am nearly 2 months post op, can't believe...
Now I am nearly 2 months post op, can't believe how time flies. However, I am happy with my decision and the outcome.
At the time of surgery I was not workning, but now I have started a new job. It feels so liberating to get to know new work mates without any focus on my breasts, noone is looking down my cleavage anymore and it is great! I think I look better and leaner in clothes now, even if I want to loose a little more weight.
Without clothes, well.... don't think boobs look great but ok, I am fine with them. I don't think they have changed anything from my last pictures and I do not upload any new pics today.
Funny thing is that I felt the same with implants, fine with clothes on but felt ashamed of them naked as they were fake. It is like getting closer to the real me, this is me and there is nothing more to it, my real self;) As many other women in here have said, it is a really emotional journey to go through an explantation.
The indentation or drawn in skin on my right breast is still the same. I haven't seen my PS but have had email contact with him and he is sure about that it is remains of the old capsule that causes this. I am not worried and it doesn't show unless I rise my arms, but he will see me if there is no change before summer.
I think all this has made my mind to shift, before I could look at a flat chested woman and think that her boobs would look great with implants ( I know, shame on me, stupid before-Mary) Now I think everyone in here look better without implants, with their natural breasts, fake is just........ the road to misery. Not judgemental though, everyone can do what they think is right, it was just my time with implants that was up and I don't think I will go for fat transfer either, it feels too insecure and too expensive.
Now I am 3,5 months post explants and it feels...
22 Mar 2013
3 months post
Now I am 3,5 months post explants and it feels like I have settled with my final result. It is not much difference from my last pictures, if any difference at all. Boobs look fine sometimes, just after massage and shoulders slightly backwards, then they look great!
It took me some time to be able to sleep on my stomach, but now it is comfy and it is great, one of the things I longed for with implants in.
Now I can show myself naked to my children again, I didn't want to do that at first because I didn't want their questions. Not that it is a secret that I have had implants, but they are just too small to understand.
Husband, well, he has seen them and is frank about him liking them more before. I know he likes big boobies and I know he likes me, but still, his attitude and comments at first when I explanted has made something to me or to our relationship. And that something is not something good.
I have not been so active here lately, but like Nervous Girlie I have noticed that the number of stories here have increased a lot! When I found this forum early in 2012 I looked for women my age who had had implants for about as many years as I, and they were not many! Now there are so many of us and this site is great as there are not much information out there or from PS:s about explantation. Thanks to all of you lovely, brave ladies who post your stories and pictures!
13 months post explant
Finally I take time to update, can hardly believe that more than a year has passed since I explanted. Not a single moment have I regretted that I took out the silicone balls from my chest, and over all I have been fine with my small, slightly wrinkled boobs. I think I got my final result very fast, boobs have not changed much after 3-4 months, but when I look at the pictures they may look a little smaller, but I have lost a little weight. When I started working out properly and started running again, the excessive skin or fat under my armpit disappeared.
The indentation under the right breast is scar tissue and have not changed.
However, the wrinkling and smallness got me thinking about fat transfer and after some consideration I did it, Monday 27. Now I am here with huge bandage on my chest to keep boobs warm, and tight pants. It is hard to see the result, boobs are tense and feels like I am breastfeeding again. Fat was transferred from thighs and lower back, 280 ml to each breast. Doctor said that he tried to force the scar tissue with the fat injection needle, it sounds scary but I hope he succeeded, I will be back on check up Feb 6.
Soon I am off to work for a few hours and I am a little worried, this huge padding can not be hidden in clothes, it looks like I have put in huge silicone implants. Guess I will keep my coat on all day;)
As I haven’t been active here for a long time, I don’t know if my explant friends are still here, but love and luck to all you great women in here.