I am anxiously awaiting my...
I am anxiously awaiting my procedure. I am having a MEDIAL THIGH LIFT. My doctor says he expects to take off at least 8 liters of excess skin and fat. As I read the post my all of you I see things to get that I wouldn't even think of. I was told I will not be in a compression garment but rather bandages. What concerns me is how am I going to go to the bathroom. ( as far as what happens if urine gets in the incision.? will a female urinal work?? ) Does having this procedure change the shape, somewhat of the buttocks???
Any and all info you guys can give would be greatly appreciated. Maybe a check list???
A few pics
Here are a few pics of my before and after tummy tuck... now I am scheduled for my thigh lift... Wooo hooo cant wait.. My doctor ROCKS!
Medial thigh lift
I am so excited. December 12 is my date to have ny surgery. After a gastric by pass in 2010 I have lost well over 200 + pounds. I hace had a TT already so now its time for my legs... Nervous and excited. .
Time is getting close
Can't believe its already November!!!! In 12 days I go in for my pre op.... OMG I get excited just thinking about it.... Then before you know it..... It will be DECEMBER!!!!!
I really enjoy this site and can hardly wait to share with you my pre surgery jitters, my after surgery concerns and excitement!! Stay tuned!!!
Only 3 weeks away!!!
Had my pre op appointment the other day.. Asked all the questions I could think of!! Got my pre op appointment which is Dec 10. I have alot of things going on in my life right now.. sometimes I feel like I am a basket case. So, for now, I am going to focus on my health. The rest can wait.. All my supplies are accounted for.. So come on surgery date!!!!! I know without a doubt that the day will be here before I know it!!!!! Oh the attached pic is the one I took and the doc drew just how much he will be taking off of each leg... In his words, " I will be taking at least this much off"... YAYYYY go me!!!!
OMG!! It's FINALLY December! 9 more days until my pre op labs, ekg....etc.. 10 and a half more days to surgery!!! I am soooo excited!
ONE WEEK AWAY!!! OMGG!!
Whew... I cannot believe this time next week I will be in recovery! I got the call from my PS office making sure I have my wound care supplies, grabber and all the other things I will need.. They even ordered me a home health nurse *thank GOD* for me.. In addition, since I do not have the support at home that I need * embarrassed to say* the PS agreed to keep me in the hospital for a couple of days. That takes soo much off of my mind! Okay... I am ready.. Im making a grocery list of all that I will need, and it brings tears to my eyes to think that all of what I have dreamed of is coming true.
And the countdown begins......................
I cannot believe its already the 8th!!!!! I go in for my pre op labs on the 10th and then I have to be at the hospital at 5:30am on the 12th... Wooooo Whooooo!!! Man this is sooo awesome!
As soon as I can see straight I will be uploading pics LOL
Pre op labs are done!!
Just got the green light from thr hospital... Have to be at the hospital ar 6:30am on Thursday... Omg thats in a day and a half!!!!! I think im going to faint. Lol
Omg omg.. its really REAL!!! I PRAYED FOR THIS...!!! Thank you God!!! I know I will have wonderful results. ... this is a dream come true...
This is it!! On my way to the hospital!
12 Dec 2013
Day of treatment
This is such an awesome feeling. . In a few hours I will be in my bed recovering!! Talk to yall then
I did it!!! I am alive!!! its done!
When I got to the hospital everything seemed to go in fast forward. . I was laying on the table before I knew what was going on. Surgery went great. I woke up with no pain at all. I dont know, maybe because I have a high tolerance for pain...
Had a couple issues with my blood pressure which is naturally low, then combined with pain pills which I didn't ask for and morphine made it that much lower. So I wasn't allowed to get out of bed. When I did get out of bed I threw up..not once but twice. Thank God I am over that part. I would say that was the worstest part of the surgery, and yes I know that is not a word lol
Otheriwse I am fine. I am home. Got up by myself last night to go to the bathroom. Just focusing on getting better... Amanda told me how yall were asking about me... I appreciate that. Just didnt have the strength to sit down and wrrite.. love you all
Oh btw they took off 4.8 pounds off of each side...
3 days post
Well, I managed to get up alone, go to the bathroom, empty drains, brush teeth, make a cup of coffee, change bandages .. whew.. why am I out of breath?
Set back.. but not counted out
Good morning beautiful people. I am sending this update from my hospital bed. Yep I am sure Amanda has told you guys. I wss having a hard time breathing every time I got up to go to the bathroom. I thought I was just tired from having a big surgery. Until I called a friend whos a respiratory therapist and she said hang up, call 911 you sound like you have a blood clot in your lung. .. First I thought she was joking. . And said girl you are scaring me. She replied, you need to be scared, you cqn die.
Got to the hospital and found that my hemoglobin was 7 when it was 14 day of surgery.... and that I had two blood clots in my lungs. So, I am sitting here on a heprin drip with the wonderful outook of taking coumadin for approx a year in my future.. I have been given 3 units of blood and I feel awesome. But I know this is where I need to be right now.. my legs are swollen and frankly idc about them right now lol Look forward to seeing them after the swelling goes down. Anyway just wanted yall to know I am okay... thank you Jesus...
They said I can shower! !!!!
Well here it is the 18th of December and I am sitting in front of my fireplace eating a bowl of oatmeal... Yes I said I AM HOME!!!! My doctors said they have never seen anything respond to the anticoagulants like I do.. that generally ALL people bleed or have some significant bleeding.. whereas when they do a blood draw from me my blood clots back within seconds.. Well, I dont know about yall but I call that GOD. I have 26 in incisions down each leg.... I sure don't "need" it bleed... So, GOD knows what hes doing... :-)
Now, because of this situation I am going to say that there will be no more surgeries for me... not PS ones anyway. I have to be on the blood thinners for 3/6 months and then life as normal. The ultrasound said... No clots, DVT's are indicated... YEAAAA BUDDY... SMH... Its just better and better :-)
I will be on here very very often.... and am willing to support any and everyone of you as you go through your journey.
PLEASE DO NOT LET WHAT HAPPENED TO ME STOP YOU FROM YOUR JOURNEY.!!!! Every situation is different from person to person and procedure to procedure...
Okay time to get my fill of Law and Order SVU... oh how I missed this show... Have a wonderful day!!!!
..... and yet SOMETHING else... Really??? LOL
Woke up this morning feeling fantastic and decided to take a shower. OMG what a wonderful feeling that was.... Only to come back to my chair and look on the floor..... my drain was on the floor.... the tubing and the "grenade" was just relaxing on the floor. I said.. WTH... called the surgery clinic and they said.. you still have the other part of the drain in your leg.. get to the EMERGENCY ROOM NOW!!! I went... and thankfully..... after consulting with my PS it was determined that infact I did NOT have any other part of the drain in my leg... *they were thinking about re opening it and removing the other part* ... that the only part the PS used was the line and the grenade.... WHEW...... so he instructed the e.r. doc to remove the other side as well... Soooooooo I am DRAIN FREE!!!!!
Staples to be removed this friday......
I have to admit.... there have been a couple times that I have become really discouraged.... tears fell, heart felt broken....
but.... im getting better....
Staples coming out tomorrow
OMG the staples are going to be removed in the morning.. 8am to be exact... and i am nervous about it... YES I SAID I AM NERVOUS LOL I know you are thinking... what the hell is she nervous about .... this is SIMPLE compared to what shes been through the past week LOL But I am... how will it feel?? will it hurt??? will I bleed * on blood thinners, remember* ... is this when the numbness in my legs near the incision will come back???? OMG i am a basket case
looking and feeling better
Few hours until staple removal
I would like to say sorry first off for not really posting on here lately. Between trying to focus on getting better and being a lil frustrated with the entire situation, I have been in my own lil cocoon.
I am not sure what you guys know... so I will just briefly touch on everything that has happened in the last couple of weeks.
Went in for surgery and all seemed to had gone well. Until the night it was time to discharge me. I had a fever and a blood pressure of 80/40. Normally my BP runs kinda low but never like that. I was sent home. Approx 12 hours later I was rushed back to the hospital via ambulance because I could not breathe. I could hear my heart beat in my ears which I thought was weird. * come to find out.. that is how hard my heart was working trying to pump what little blood i had in me around*.
I was diagnosed with bilateral pulmonary emboli. Admitted back to the hospital and put on blood thinners and given several units of blood. After a couple days I was feeling like a new person and was sent home. 2 days later I woke up, not able to breathe again and my left leg was swollen to the point where I could not move it on my own. Back to the hospital I went. 4 staples were removed and my leg was decompressed. *man did that hurt even with morphine*. Was sent home. The next day I stood up to go to the bathroom and my drain fell onto the floor. Called the surgery clinic and they said, go to the er. So there I went... the other drain *left leg* was removed as well.... even though I begged them that this was the "bad" leg and the drain, i thought, needed to stay in as long as possible. Sent home.
Christmas morning, I was having such a hard time breathing that all I wanted to do was sleep.. even though I knew SOMETHING wasn't right. Ambulance was called and back I went. I was admitted with a hemoglobin of 5. I was given 5 units of blood and 4 units of something called FFP. Fresh frozen plasma. and was told I had to stop the blood thinners because they were causing me to bleed out into my leg.... the bad leg. but that in the mean time I had to have a procedure called insertion of a IVC filter put in. This is where they put you out and go into a vein in your leg, travel up your body, and deploy a little mesh type umbrella into the main vein in ur body which will catch any clots and stop them from going to my heart. So, I had that..... *have to wear a necklace for the rest of my life and carry a card, that states i had this done.
This was the day after christmas. I thought to myself.. okay I am going through ALL of this and i am starting to feel better... So.... I KNOW this leg is going to be okay.. * all the while my leg was 2x the normal size and discolored*
well that saturday morning I got up with help to go potty and I heard a small pop.... didn't make a big deal out of it. Thought it was my bones cracking from moving. well. when I got back into bed I noticed my bandages were SOAKED, SATURATED with bright red blood. The nurse decided to change my dressing and when she took off the top bandage I was staring into my leg. My incision opened up approx 6 inches long and 3 inches deep ....Never had I seen anything like this before.. I became a whole new type of scared.
Had to have it opened up and cleaned out the next day, yes another surgery. After surgery I was told that they took out 400ml of old blood and fluid along with approx 26 clots. * that is NOT something that would have reabsorbed* and my leg was stitched closed and while in this short surgery I was given 2 units of blood and 2 of the FFP's.
I have been taken off of the blood thinners completely and it finally looks like my leg is healing like it's supposed to. Oh and on top of ALL of this.... everyone that knows me knows I am ALLERGIC to every tape except PAPER tape. when I woke up from surgery I had my upper thigh covered in surgical tape.. Now I have blisters all over the area where the tape was. I mean... DANG
I am angry, upset, frustrated, sad, scared and any other description you can give to my situation.
I had this surgery to help to improve my every day life. Had I known my situation would have been one where it almost took away everything from me.... I would have thought twice.... three times...
I am not trying to bring anyone down with my story.... everyone is different. every doctor is different every patient is different.
IDK why all of this happened to me. I am still looking for the answer to that, but I do know that GOD was and is still watching over me.. otherwise I would have been dead.
blister from tape
If I tell you im allergic to everything but paper tape why in the hell would you put it on me anyway? ????
Although I have to learn to look past what I see and have a totally different perspective. So when my regular doctor told me how wonderful my leg was looking I couldn't see it. All I saw was giant, deep holes in my leg. She explained pink, red, bleeding, and even some burning were all indicators that the tissue is alive and new. Which all means healing is well under way...
guess what... yep. ANOTHER ISSUE
Went to shower this morning only to find not only has ny skin blistered from the tape but I have developed a fluid filled little bubble on the incision line. Worriesd me so I emailed a pic to my surgeon s assistant. She states its okay nothing to be alarmed about... idk... it bothers me...
I am free!!!!!
Omg I am so happy. Lord knows I forgot how good this felt to be so happy. All stitches and staples are out!!!! Come on healing!!!!!
The holes are closing
I know some may not be able to see it but I can... especially the first and second ones... the bigger one is closing slowly but surely. ...thank you Lord
when it rains. it pours
Omw to my regular doc for what started out to be a regular appointment. . Until my nurse came and did my nutse came to do wound care. She pressed on it and this stuff came out.. along with alot of yellow fluid. It was scary. It looked ad though someone was squeezing a pimple... theres no pain, no smell, no discoloration. ... idk what the hell this is.. so im bringing it with me to the doc sp she can tell me...WHEN WILL ALL OF THIS GET BETTER?????????
My nurse said shes very happy at the way my leg is healing. But... she sees the 2 smaller holes are starting to close at the mouth without closing completely on the inside. . Sigh. How do we fix that? Also I have developed a lump on my good leg that looks like a golf ball ( on the incision line) it goes down at times and at others it swells. Looks like fluid ... I massage it and thats when I notice the reduction in size.. going to ask my pcp on tuesday... sigh
Just got back home from my appointment with my pcp. She looked at the lump and said shes almost sure its fluid but that it goes deep into my leg. So she is scheduling an ultrasound to confirm. It is a result of surgery.. (not going to go there. . Side eye). If it turns out to be a cyst then it will be removed. That doesn't bother or scare me.. it actually pisses me off.. because its like damn did you do anything right.. ( directed at the PS). Oh well... I know that God is watching and I know I will be just fine. .. just a little annoyed right now
Its a cyst. .. fluid filled cyst.. waiting to hear from doc to see whats next.. still in radiologist office to have him finish reviewing films
Well just found out that I will be having a procedure to remove the cyst because it cannot be drained with a needle. So, I am waiting for the authorization for the surgeon * one that I know very well* and then go from there.....
Had a rather rough night last night. Seems like my left leg got jealous for a minute that attention was being given to the right and dwcided to hurt like crazy. Mwanwhile every time I grazed my right leg with anything the lump screamed TENDER!!! So I said F it .. took a pain pill and drifted off to sleep at 3am... only to wake up at 5...Go figure the logic in that. Decidedto take a shower
Another day... continued
( why in the hell did it post when I wasn't done )
Anyway, went to take a shower and heard my daughter screaming, theres a dead cat in the garage... not our cat... how did it get in there? Why was it in there...? I let my son deal with that. . Went to bandage my leg and realized I only have 1 pack of gauze left.. This is after daily phone calls to the supply company telling them to give me my damn supplies. ... the insurance covers them. Why dont I have them... I hate unneeded stress like this... all of this and its just not 9am.. Think I will go back to bed and start over... THIS SUCKS...
Couldn't believe my eyes
Took the bandages off this morning and saw this... it looks like its almost healed. The wound care specialist sent me some skintegrity, and a couple other products ( dont have them infront of me right now) Silver something, and a type of gauze to cover it... well it made a world of difference literally overnight. Well yall judge for your selves.
Today is a good day
Looks better and better. Thank you Lord
10 Feb 2014
2 months post
One thing I don't understand is I have very minimal amounts of pain when my wounds are being cleaned however, later in the day, usually in the evening, my wound "burns" and throbs. It bothered me so much I ended up taking a pain pill . I thought I was past all of this by now. Guess not. I have, however, gone from popping pain pills every 3 hours to just 2x a day. I guess that is an improvement. Just wish I didnt have to take them at all!
12 Feb 2014
2 months post
Never thought I would have a hospital bed in my home. Always thought the people that had those were basically on deaths door. Well... I have been sitting, sleeping, and basically spending most of my time in one for the past 2 months. Complained to insurance company that the springs were starting to irritate my but and make it sore.. no matter if I get up and move around. So I have been really on my insurance company when I noticed my skin peeling off... it wasn't broken just peeling. And wouldnt you know after 3 weeks I finally got approved for my air mattress but you know this wouldn't be right without issues (especially when it comes to me)... insurance company doesn't know when they can deliver it... something about the guy that knows how to install them is out on medical. ..... and whose problem is this??????? Im done
Forgot to add this one
13 Feb 2014
2 months post
This was taken December 27 the day my leg ruptured... please keep in mind this is one ace bandage wrapped around my leg. My leg was so heavy and swollen that I could not move it on my own someone had to lift it by my heel
17 Feb 2014
2 months post
It is official. .. my middle hole on my leg is closed.. shut down.. sealed.... skin tight.. yep all of that... whew.. now waiting on the others to heal
21 Feb 2014
2 months post
March 3 @ 9:30am have to arrive at 7:30am. No more cysts
I did it...
22 Feb 2014
2 months post
My nurse started coming every other day now.. I have one hole left open that needs to be packed. Yay me.. but I can't begin to tell you how scared I was when I went to shower and realized that I would have to pack it myself. Because the nurse was here on friday and wont be back until monday. Sigh... that is something I would never wish on anyone... I am sure doing to someone else is one thing but having to do it on yourself.... MAN!!! My brain is ALL over the place.. This really F**cks with me big time.... *sorry*.... When I had this surgery I had NO idea I would have to made to do anything like this.. How did all of this happen??? How did it turn into all of this???? What is it that I could have done to not have it go this way???? My head hurts... my feelings are all over the place. I am going to bed... I am emotionally screwed!!!!!!!!!!!
Feelings for today...
23 Feb 2014
2 months post
This process has changed me. It has changed my mind and the way I think. It leaves me to wonder ALL the time about things that honestly don't need concern. I cannot expect everyone to understand how I feel as I go through all of this bullshit. It is a battle that I signed up for without knowing or reading the fine print, I got blindsided. This entire ordeal has left me emotionally and physically undone..... In constant need of reassurance, that all is okay, everything is fine. I have become a nuisance to some regard. A thorn in the paw of the lion. This is so not me.. I know I will get back to who I once was.... I believe that with all my heart. I just ask your continued patience with me as I struggle through the muck and mire of what is become my life... for now.
Its going to be a good day...
24 Feb 2014
2 months post
Nurse just left after leaving me the entire weekend to care for my wounds myself... well low and behold, took off the bandages and couldn't believe what we saw... Only thing left to close of the large hole is an opening the size of the tip of a Qtip... *nodding head* yeaaa its gonna be a good day!!
25 Feb 2014
2 months post
The left *bad* leg is almost pain free. However, the right one, *one with the cysts*, hurts like hell... especially when I walk. Feels like my skin is being pulled, stretched and burns If my clothing , the cat or anything rubs or even grazes it I scream!!
HURRY UP MARCH 3rd!!! Please!!!
25 Feb 2014
2 months post
Just got the call that my pre op appointment is tomorrow at 8:45am.. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
26 Feb 2014
2 months post
While at my appointment today for my pre op the nurse said, "You know, it might be a good idea if they kept you overnight just to watch you and make sure all is okay given your history".... So she picked up the phone and called the doctor... Doctor agreed and now.... I am staying overnight for my surgery on monday. It takes alot off of my mind! Sooooooo labs all done and I am READY!!!!
Well, let me start by saying, hole number 1 is CLOSED... !!!!!! Yes you read that correctly!! I have no more "foreign orifices". LOL.. Still having pain and the feeling of a rush of warm fluid on the side of my knee when I stand.. IDK what that is... *shrug*.... Honestly I didn't know this day would ever get here.. After peering deep inside of your own body , it's hard to phantom it could ever really CLOSE. Second, I am getting ready to go into the hospital in the morning to have the cysts removed. WOW!!! My final step in the healing process.. *clapping hands* This makes me so happy. YES I SAID HAVING THIS SURGERY MAKES ME HAPPY!!!.. Not for any sadistic reasons but to move on with my life. To heal mentally and physically FINALLY!!! These past 3 months have been HELL to say the least. I will stay overnight and be released on Tuesday. I had to do the take a shower, scrub your entire body with one pack of wipes ... wait.... and scrub the surgical area for 3 minutes... put on clean pajamas, no lotion, no deodorant, and go to bed LOL But make sure you put on clean clothes to come to the hospital LOL I swear, the things they tell you just don't make sense. LOL
Okay, well I am going to get a snack * no more eating or drinking after midnight* and relax with a movie.
Will update tomorrow after I get to my room!!! Night folks!
This is it
Surgery is done and I am home recouping. All went fine. Never have I met such a wonderful surgeon. I found out that I haf to be put under general and with all that has happened to me I got scared and started to cry. Dr. Bechtel came to me, hugged me and said... if I give u a cocktail of meds I would have to give you too much so that you wouldn't feel anything and you would have issues waking up. Whereas if I give you general once the gas is gone you are awake. I hwve to do what is safest for you. I promise to take care of you during surgery and after.
So all went well. Nothing like my PS said it would. Smh. The cysts were huge and according to my surgeon were a direct complication of the surgery. I have 12 stitches, I think. I hwve to ho to his office on the 11th for followup, stitches removal and to pull the drain.
What made this so much cooler was the surgeon that assisted Dr. Bechtel was the same one that placed my IVC filter. He rememberd me because of my many complications and poor treatment. Oh well, God always gives us rainbows out of every dark cloud. Thank you God, Dr. Bechtel, Dr Fu, and all that helped me throughout this last surgery.
Time to heal... oh u can see how high the drain is placed.... thats because thats how deep the cysts were...
I have a question.... can someone help me???
12 Mar 2014
3 months post
I have submitted a question asking if someone who has had a previous history of PE pulmonary emboli could ever get a tattoo again.... but never got a reply... also, my surgeon that removed the cysts said that basically what he removed was a liquified hematoma... can someone put that in simple english..?? is it a blood clot?? a bruise?? and how did the surgery cause it * he said it did*
My battle continues
15 Mar 2014
3 months post
Left leg hole number1 re opened and looks like the 2nd one wants to as well...
16 Mar 2014
3 months post
Looked down to find my bandage from my cysts removal bandanged soaked in blood... called my nurse.. she didnt answer her phone nor a text.. so I called their 24hr number. I was told to add dressing to it and it will be okay.. I know I am known to over react but this leg has never drained or been wet from the surgery.. now look at it....
Haven't been on here in a while. Have had alot of things on my mind. Doing my best at remaining positive and looking forward to when all of the pain, disappointment, hurt, psychological turmoil, bandage changes, probing into the depths of my thigh, clenching of my teeth when the qtip hits an area that is raw on the inside, the hopeless look on my daughters face as tears stream down my face because she cant help me as the nurse does her thing, comes to an end. Searching for the little hope as I ask, " can you see inside?? is there any difference? is is getting smaller?" Only to be let down when the doctor gives me my return to work slip that is dated a month from the day of your visit.
Sometimes I think something is wrong with me. I mean, shouldn't there be? I think I am okay and doing well only to be in the middle of a conversation as to what happened and I lose it.. I break down. That's when reality hits and I realize I don't have it all together.
Missing my honey sooooo much til it hurts but at the same time I don't want to see him.... Even though he accepts and loves me for ME... My battle is within myself. I feel ugly... unattractive, like a failure... He has done his level best to make me know that he knows the battle I have been through to get to this point and he thinks I am beautiful no matter what, and that he loves me. I am so fortunate. Fortunate to have a guy like him... and to have friends like I do. So, I smile while they are looking. Allowing the glue from the tears to hold me together, just a little longer.... GOD help me and bless those that love me.
11 Apr 2014
4 months post
this entire situation has been one horrible thing after another.. went to see my reg doc yesterday and she wouldn't let me leave without putting me on antidepressants. Lexapro is the drug of her choice.. Oh great... Also, told me to take Zinc.... she's concerned about my left legs lympathic system....
I am at the point where I am concerned but I am completely giving this over to GOD. I almost lost my life from all of the complications so I refuse to allow this to cause me to lose my rational.
Here ya go GOD... fix it... please.
14 Apr 2014
4 months post
Doc says my leg will be like this for the rest of my life....
The last word.....
25 Apr 2014
4 months post
Here it is almost 5 months since surgery, the initial surgery, and instead of getting back into the normalcy of my life I am facing yet another issue. Come this Monday I will be going to a wound care center. I honestly don't know how to feel about that. I am past being mad, disappointed, and hurt. I think I am just numb. I told my honey, I just want this all to be over with... feels like I have been on the front lines without any relief. Even the best of soldiers gets tired. I should be back at work, and being able to pay my bills. Instead the reality of eviction is becoming more and more real. Wish there was a clause in the pre op paperwork that said, " having this surgery could lead you disfigured, mentally screwed, and potentially homeless...." I wouldn't have signed up .
I know things happen for a reason. Lord knows I trust HIS purpose.... there's something someone, some where, is supposed to learn from the experience I had. Who knows... maybe the one that needs to learn the lesson is me... I am NOT in control of my life. God is the decider of my fate. So here I sit... antidepressants on board, mentally and physically scarred and doing my best to learn about this new illness I have been diagnosed with as a result of this god forsaken MUTHA FUCCIN surgery, Lymphodema..... yep... my left leg has RE OPENED... again. Doctors are saying the reason, they believe, that it keeps re opening is because of the lymphodema. The reason this has come about is, from what I was told, is because my leg suffered trauma to the tissue. What the hell really went on in that operating room????? Humm... guess me being "fat" has nothing to do with it as my PS suggested. *side eye*
One final thing.... As twisted as this may sound, I would like to thank my PS for being the non attentive, could care less if I lived or died, surgeon that he is... * in my own opinion*. This journey has taught me alot. It has shed a huge light on not to take anything for granted, not even you next breath. It has showed me that bad things happen to good people even though there wasn't anything they did to cause it. There are just some folks out there that don't care.... not to the degree you would expect them to when in this profession.
If you or your loved ones is looking to have any surgery please... PLEASE take this advice from me.
Find someone that has a wonderful bed side manner as well as being a master in his craft.
Also, just because your insurance refers you to someone does not mean you are safe in thinking, Oh hes been checked out and they wouldn't refer him to me if he wasn't "okay"... Yea uh huh... so not the case.
I have no idea just how long this situation will go on but I rest in knowing that GOD will vindicate me and grant me the last word....
( the bible says, touch not my anointed and do my prophets no harm . Psalm 105:15. I am sure enough, one of HIS anointed..)
I am beyond pissed.....
28 Apr 2014
4 months post
Thank you PS... thank you so very much.. just got word today that I have to have yet another surgery on my left leg. The vessels/veins/valves are damaged due to the extreme swelling that took place when the drain was pulled too soon and I bled out into my leg and it ruptured. So, a host of appointments, bandage changes * yes it is opened again* pain from yet another incision.... How tickled am I to receive such a fabulous gift as this?????? *side eye* When will all of these issues end????????? Damn... what in the hell did you do to me?????? Never mind.. you wont answer that... becuz you could care less!!
Wound center appointment was yesterday. Met with the wound care specialist/surgeon. She is sending me out to see a Vascular surgeon. Her exact words were...... I think there were vessels, veins, and valves that were taken out of your leg.... which is causing your problem. You need to have an ultrasound to see if you have any veins, *which i am thinking you don't* and just how bad the damage is. Once this is done veins and vessels and valves are either from donors, or synthetic ones. *deep sigh*
Today, while talking to a nurse it suddenly hit me..... Moments after surgery my thigh started to bleed rather badly.... a hematoma formed. If infact the veins and all were removed or compromised that would explain why the hematoma formed *because they bled and pooled and formed the hematoma* which led to a host of other issues.
I don't know how to feel. I found out the hematoma could have ruptured and killed me. I know I can't or wont focus on what if's but it sure doesn't make stuff any better.
My heart is so broken. I didn't do anything to this man... Someone told me, "did you do something to him to make him angry??? becuz he sure acts like he was mad at you.....
I can't begin to tell you the emotions I have running through my mind.
All I can say is THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!! I cannot say it enough....
Had to come to this....
I would like to say thank you to my PS... because of all of the issues I have been and still going through I have been out of work which lead to issues with my rent. So, today what did I get???? Hummm funny you should ask... A SUMMONS!! AN EVICTION!
Let me continue..... Please don't think that I have no paid anything nor did I expect them to just wait... but it kinda adds insult to injury ALL PUN INTENDED..... So thank you so much! What do I do from here??? oh I know... CONTINUE TO TRUST GOD.Because its all that I have left! Bastard!
Feeling kinda weird
10 May 2014
5 months post
Woke up this morning with a section of my left leg feeling hard. When I walk the hardness was obvious. Almost like it was sticking out. IDK what else to do for it... I sleep with my leg propped up and I try not to be on it more than what I should be.. * I do try to have a life despite all of this* Oh well... May 15 is the appointment with my vascular surgeon. Getting closer to having all of this DONE and over with!
When it rains....
12 May 2014
5 months post
While checking my bank account I noticed there was a deposit of 45.00 from my employer. . I have been out on medical leave since October/November so I didn't know why they would be making a deposit. I called to find out. We'll seems as though I have been let go... without any word . I have been fired from being out too long. Isn't that just great
Scared... Paranoid..... concerned....
20 May 2014
5 months post
How in the hell can a person be afraid to resume taking baths? Well I am. I was told for so long not to submerge in a tub that now even though the holes are closed I am still leery of getting in the tub like I used to. I find myself constantly checking my leg... examining it with precision to make sure I don't see any sign of reopening. I try to pretend like the heaviness I feel when I stand up, or the "wet" feeling I have isn't there. There is an uncomfortable tightness I have in my leg that has no problem in reminding me who the hell is running this show, and I give in to pain meds. Here it is almost 6 months post op and I am still popping pain killers. Then I ask myself.... it is really pain that I am feeling or is it that I am so accustomed to taking them as not to feel the pain that I have become "addicted"...? WOW... SMH... No... I know that's not the reason. I DO have pain and my feelings are real. Just some of the random shit that my brain goes through. May 27th is the ultrasound appointment which will take 3 hours. Guess I will know the extent of everything after that. Then to prepare myself for yet another surgery.. *sigh* Now that is what truly scares me.. I mean, I now know that when having surgery on the legs there is a very high risk for blood clots .. thank GOD for the IVC filter but damn... really? Well, I guess I will take my grandmother's advice .... "Let tomorrow worry about itself".... in the meantime I will do my best to stay positive and keep a level head....
I knew it was too good to be true..
21 May 2014
5 months post
Yep I guess you can figure what I am about to say... Looks like my paranoia was warranted.. Looked down as I so often do throughout the day and realized my leg has reopened... Yep... Isn't that just F***ING wonderful.....
pics didn't upload
21 May 2014
5 months post
Open and u can see how the veins are "running to the rescue " where there aren't any
22 May 2014
5 months post
Finally got the pics to upload...
25 May 2014
5 months post
I so hate the position I am in right now... I have asked churches, police departments, fire departments and any and all agencies I could possibly think of to help me but everyone has a reason as to why they can't. I guess I understand . However I dont know what else to do. This is so embarrassing. This surgery has left me to BEG. ... SMH.. How much more humiliation can a person go through. I have to go to court on June 3 for the eviction.... The judge is going to tell me to "get out".... I don't get any funds until the 13th.... I am afraid... I have never been so afraid. I found a house but they want 2500 to move in....and honestly I wont have any of it until the 13th.... so where am I going to go for those 2 weeks??? This is so upsetting to me. I made a page on Gofundme.com just to see if I can raise funds to help. I dont like doing stuff like that.. Never have done it before... Man, this is so disheartening. IDK if its okay for me to even post the link here... but will being as though I am literally grasping at straws.... I feel so pathetic. 49 years old and begging for help for a place to live.. I am sure my PS isn't having issues with where he is going to sleep..... This is depressing me... i will close now... to any and all of you... if you can help.. thank you.. if you cant.. i understand.... love you all..
26 May 2014
5 months post
Please forgive me. It was not my intent to insult anyone by putting up the link. I just honestly didn't know what else to do. Please forgive me. If there was a way I could delete it I would... Once again, I say, I am sorry
It just gets better and better *sarcasim*
27 May 2014
5 months post
Went for my ultrasound today and found out that my saphenous vein has been removed and my artery that goes down my thigh abruptly stops mid thigh. Ironically, right where I had the hematoma. Hummm... isn't that interesting..? Oh, and I have a cyst that needs to be removed. I am SOOO done..
29 May 2014
5 months post
I am mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. How much more of this stuff must i go through? I noticed today that I have started losing my hair from all the stress. Then I found out one reason that could be playing a part in my healing is the stress... but it's like a vicious circle, the stress is from the issues and the issues is from the stress.. can someone stop this damn merry go round that I am on?? I don't want to play any more!!!!
The real deal
Went to see my PCP today and she had a copy of my venous ultrasound. She said that the circulation in my right leg is almost double what it is in my left. And that it wasn't my femoral artery that was severed it was my femoral vein, and that explains why I bled out during surgery and what caused the hematoma. My doctor said, " I don't understand why would he sever your femoral vein?? He should have been more careful. It makes no sense for him to have removed a portion of your saphenous vein as well... ". That I have something called reflux as well and the way to repair what I have going on is with grafting of donor or synthetic veins but the risk for complications is extremely high so basically there's nothing that can be done for me."
I couldn't do anything but sit there and despite how much I tried, I just burst into tears. She doubled the dosage of my antidepressants and added Gabapentin because she doesn't want me to become addicted to the pain meds. I am so paranoid of becoming addicted to the pain meds, Lord I don't want that to happen.. but what do you do when you are hurting????? God please help me. This is just so distressing. I do not understand why this has happened to me. What is it that has caused this man to take his frustrations out on me?? It's evident that he just didn't care . I have to keep a level head because this is a matter that GOD is in control of and through HIS direction and guidance I will take the path HE wants me to take and I will be SUCCESSFUL. The bible says, touch not my anointed and do my prophets no harm..... and he really did harm to me in this situation. I am claiming the victory now, in Jesus name. Please pray with me...
I need help...
I can't remember which one of my friends on here had a procedure called abrasion .. but whoever it was can you get in touch please. ...
Frustrated... then again.. what's new..?
19 Jun 2014
6 months post
Finally the holes have closed. However, the compression stockings aren't helping the heavy feeling and the pain in my leg. To think that I have to have surgery in not only one leg but BOTH.... The femoral vein * not the femoral artery* and the saphenous vein was damaged and cut away in the left leg and damaged in the right. Soooooooo... who knows how long THIS time will take to heal. Isn't this just Fuccen gravy. How can it be OKAY for someone to do this to a person without ANY damn regard for how they are going to survive afterward???????? It's NOT right... Yes, I know LIFE isnt fair but he needs to PAY for his blatant disregard for a human being. I have lost my job, my ability to function without pain meds or anti depressants, the ability to provide food on my table, and even been served eviction papers. Does he know what it's like to have to ASK, BORROW, or BEG for the basic every day necessities????????? Especially when I didn't have to do that before! Oh maybe GOD is teaching you to be humble someone said..... to that I say..... No...I have ALWAYS been a humble person... so think again. Then people say... "well... you LOOK good". SMH... anyone can smile in the face of adversity.... and cry in the dark.
Then someone said... Be careful what you put on this site especially since he's a part of it.... it could be looked at as defamation of character.. Well. in order to defame someone you have to be saying something that IS NOT true. Clearly, you simple minded idiot, you can see that I have PROOF to substantiate what I say. All of these things DID happen.
I think I will quit now. I am getting upset. I pray.... no one goes through HALF of what I have gone through. Good day.
Pain pain and more pain
These last couple of days have been days of total pain. I have done all I can to manage the pain but nothing is helping. It's times like this that cause me to drift back into my depressed mode. I honestly wonder what it will be like to be pain free? To be able to walk up a few stairs without feeling like my leg is going to explode... To have that section of my leg not be hard any more and to get the area that is numb back to feeling again. I had a dream that I was at the doctor and he said he was going to test me to see if I had feeling in my leg. He asked me to close my eyes... When I did he used a number of instruments to test to see if I felt it... I didn't. So he said he was going to try one more thing.... I closed my eyes again and I smelled something horrible *which is weird to be able to smell in a dream*.. When I opened my eyes I saw he had used a lit cigarette and I had several burn marks on my leg.. I screamed and said what did u do? He laughed and said.. well... I would say, you don't have any feeling in that area..... and i woke up....
Host of emotions
Today is a day of reflection for me. It's almost 7 months now since my initial surgery. The pain has returned. I tell myself I don't need the pain meds and the pain reminds me YES I DO.
Someone asked me if I had a chance to come face to face with my PS what would I do? Would I go into a rant and beat the hell out of him? Would I just cry? What would I do.? I simply said I would ask him WHY? Why did he choose to be to so nonchalant when it came to my care? Why did I almost die and he didn't even tell me? Why was I so unimportant to him? Just WHY? I know that I am going to get passed all of the obstacles that his poor attention to proper care has caused. Sorry, for the rambling. I am hurting and frankly just tired......
Today is a day that I thought would never end. Had to call my PCP again to ask her to please come up with something that will take this pain away. Norco10s have stopped working. Gabapentin doesn't do anything. I just don't understand what is it going to take to have 1 day of being pain free. Nah... not 1 day... I would be happy with a couple hours. She wants me to come in to see her in the morning. I will be there.
I know what I am going through is going to help someone some day .. some where.. But what I am having trouble with is adapting to this new life. There are things that I physically cannot do any more. I can no longer fly, because I had the clots in my lungs as well as the IVC filter. So, if I should ever want to fly to see my family or any friends.. I cannot. There goes my dream vacation to Hawaii ... being as though I can't take a bus there... Then again, I can't take a bus or drive anywhere either because I am not allowed, according to my doctor, sit for extended periods without propping my leg... or stopping for extended periods.
One of my grand kids were playing in the living room and I heard a scream.. I tried to run in there... but this wonderful left leg wouldnt allow me to... The hell with all of this... this is so unfair...
In a few days I will be 50 and I have to retrain myself to a "different" way of life. A little boy saw my scars and how swollen my leg is while in the store the other day. He pointed and cringed towards his mom and said.. Ughhhh.... Smh...
I have been told I need to talk to someone.... a therapist... Sounds like a good idea. But will he/she understand truly what I am going through? I mean, how could they since they DIDN'T go through it...???? What is the purpose of a therapist? Is it to have someone to lend a sympathetic ear? Is it a sounding board so that I can hear myself talk and therefore answer my own questions? Can she truly understand my fear for becoming dependent on pain meds but yet I am truly in pain. When I say, even though I am told on a regular basis how beautiful I am that I, me, this person, does not FEEL beautiful. I see myself sitting in a dark room, in a corner, with very little light praying and crying,..... trying to figure out how to right the wrong that has been done. What will or could the therapist say when I ask them do you know how it feels to have your leg on fire and throb every minute of every hour of every day? Could he/she possibly know ?? OR what it feels like to put a pair of jeans on and the left leg be too small..... ? All because my left leg is 3 inches larger than the right.
Will they understand or relate when I say, after all the lights are off, the tv shut down, and everyone is in bed, what it's like to have to lay flat on back, legs apart and pray the dog doesn't jump in my lap to sleep. Only to toss and turn for what seems like hours because there is no comfortable position when you are in pain....
Yea, I guess I do need therapy
Went to see my PCP yesterday. Dr. Hill. * she is THE best* I didn't understand why I am having pain as bad as I am so she wanted to see me. After looking at my leg she let me know that what I am experiencing is nerve pain and narcotics don't work on that. So she gave me Gabapentin 300mg. 2 tablets 3 x a day. Yea. I know... it's alot. Wanna know something else? I am terrified to take it. It's an antiseziure medication. Anti convulsant . I asked her, this is not a narcotic right? she said right... I said not habit forming she said no... I said... and it's safe for me to take?? She touched my leg, smiled a bit and said... "it's okay.. I promise." But... I am scared...Am I weird for being afraid?? I just don't know what to do...
10 Jul 2014
7 months post
It has come to my attention that there is a question of the legitimacy of my page that I made on go fund me asking for help. SO, to that I have the following to say. When I went out on medical leave October 19, 2013 due to having trigeminal neuralgia and my vision in my right eye was compromised. While I was out on leave my surgery for my TL came up. So, the discrepancy or what looks like a discrepancy in the dates is in actuality the fact that I did not know I was going to have issues following my TL surgery but since I did I decided to use the page to really ask for help when it looked like me going back to work was no where in the cards at the time.
Now, if for some reason you think I am trying to scam folks .... you are more than entitled to your opinion but you are WRONG. Although I do NOT have to validate or explain anything that I go through I will say this.... every single thing that I have gone through and continue to go through can be supported with documentation. I am not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me while holding my hand out. Frankly, if you say or believe that I am attempting to do something dishonest then by all means don't even offer me your prayers because prayers are SUPPOSED to come from someone that truly has your best interest at heart. I personally don't think it's possible to think someone is borderline a con artist but then in the next breath say... but imma pray that they get better. It doesn't work that way... Not with the GOD I serve. In my opinion that wouldn't be a genuine, from the heart prayer.
As I have said before.... When I put that link up I truly did not intend on offending anyone. And if you know me... you know what I say is true.
See...the difference between one who cares and one that cares to a certain extent is the one that truly cares will do what is on their heart to do... they will do what they would want someone to do for them.. or maybe have done for them. That's how I treat people. When I see people with the signs begging for food/money or whatever... If I have money I give what I can because I know what it's like to have NOTHING.. I don't hand it to them and say.... you can have this but u cant buy drugs with it. That's giving with stipulation. Stipulation to serve your practices.. to make YOU comfortable. Yes, I do know that times are hard for everyone and we all MUST be selective when we give. That's why it's important to follow your heart.
So I said all of that to say this..... if you say you want to help me with prayers I say THANK YOU and accept them. If you say I think you are trying to be "fishy" and do underhanded stuff... then I do not even want your prayers. Because you, do not have the right to judge me. Only GOD can.
and to the rest of yall that have been here with me from the onset.... I LOVE YOU ALL>.. THANK YOU FOR WALKING, TALKING, CRYING AND FIGHTING with me....
Now, if I offended anyone with what I just said then I guess you were the one being judgmental.
Hey yall guess what....
24 Jul 2014
7 months post
I have some news!! Yall ready for it? Well here goes.... are you sure you are ready? Well.. my left leg has decided to blister up and open... yep you read that right. My wonderful left leg has decided to show me who's boss.. isn't this just so fuccen wonderful?????? *sarcasm* when will all of this stop??????? I can't take anymore... I can't I really can't !!!!!! $
Lovely, isn't it
24 Jul 2014
7 months post
Hate this.. I really do..
Infection... I am getting REAL tired of this...
25 Jul 2014
7 months post
Just got back from my PCP.. Seems as though my veins in my leg are infected. Now I am told not to stand for more than 5 minutes at a time... On antibiotics ..Clyndamycin . Where the hell is my PS???????????????? Why cant he experience HALF of what I am going through?????? No... a third maybe.. This is not fair! I don't like it! This is NOT what I wanted!!! Frankly I would like to say two words to my PS!!! Pardon me to those that are offended easily... HEY DR. WILLIAMS EFF YOU!!! YOU DID THIS TO ME. YOU WERE CARELESS IN YOUR PROCEDURE AND IN YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS ME. YOU TOOK AN OATH WHEN YOU BECAME A DOCTOR AND YOU EXHIBITED NONE OF THAT TOWARDS ME. I DO NOT LIKE YOU AT ALL!!! Ok I am done...
31 Jul 2014
7 months post
Took measurements of my legs for my compression stockings over a month ago... Was told they are on "back order"... How can something that is custom be on back order????? Well, I get a phone call from the company yesterday and I was over joyed. Well, seems as though the company sent a message back saying, " there was a discrepancy with the order please re do the measurements". WTF????? The only issue with the measurements is that one leg is larger than the other.... Couldnt they see that in the numbers????? Now I have to wait another month or longer because when I go in I have to wait for when 2 people are available since they don't trust the measurements from the lady that took them and they actually want another person in the room with the tech that took the measurements. The story of my life!!!
11 Aug 2014
8 months post
After taking 15mg of Percs 3 or MORE times a day without any help I decided to go back to see my PCP. She broke it down for me and what she came up with is, I have neuropathy. SMH. Isn't that just PERFECT!?? WHEN???? WHEN WILL ALL OF THIS END????? THIS IS SO AGGRAVATING.... FORGET IT... IM DONE!
26 Aug 2014
8 months post
After being in constant pain I decided to go to see my primary doctor. She ordered a ultrasound. I have a neuroma, and superficial lymphodema as well as a host of other stuff. So, now I have to have another surgery .... Its being scheduled as I type. I am so SICK of all of this. I hate it all. HEY DR WILLIAMS.... READ THIS..... *THRUST MIDDLE FINGER IN THE AIR* I HATE YOU AND WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO ME. YOU HAVE NOT ONLY SCARRED ME FOR LIFE BUT YOU HAVE GIVEN ME A HOST OF INFIRMITIES TO DEAL WITH FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. YOUR JOB WAS TO CARE FOR ME AND WHAT I GOT WAS WAY BELOW THE VERY STANDARD OF CARE. ARE YOU WONDERING WHERE YOUR NEXT MEAL IS COMING FROM???? I AM. ARE U SCARED THAT YOUR LIGHTS WILL BE TURNED OFF....? I AM. DO YOU WORRY ABOUT NOT HAVING GAS TO GET TO YOUR MANY DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS???? I DO. HAVE YOU PAWNED EVERYTHING YOU OWN JUST TO BUY GROCERIES???? I DID. I AM SICK AND TIRED.... THEY SAY YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO HATE ANYONE BUT I CAN'T THINK OF ANY OTHER WORD THAT WOULD COME ACROSS SHOWING HOW I FEEL.
Appointment with the surgeon, AGAIN
29 Aug 2014
8 months post
Finally got a call from my surgeons office, Dr. Bechtel, to schedule my appointment to see him to prepare for surgery. September 9 @11:00am. That day cannot get here fast enough.
What is it going to take?
Here it is September 2, and I STILL have NOT gotten my compression stockings. I ordered them in JUNE and the perquisite to having my procedure to close my veins off is that I wear them for 12 weeks before the procedure..... Isn't this just wonderful?
Finally heard from the company with my stockings. When I spoke to them yesterday I was told that they were still in Kentucky in customs. Now, by some strange miracle I was told they were in TODAY... *side eye* However, I can't get to fit them until September 11... *disaster day* Smh.. oh well..... sigh
Where do i begin???? Do I start with when I went to the place to get my compression stockings I asked the lady to make sure there was no latex in them and she confirmed there wasn't so we proceeded with putting them on........I was assisting in pulling them up and she said here, handed me some gloves, put these on they will go on easier if u use these. So I did... Next thing I knew my hands were burning. I looked over at the box of gloves and it said LATEX. I screamed these are latex gloves! !! Why did u give me latex fuccen gloves???? Sheran to me and took my hands and put them under water and started to wash them with soap..... which makes it worse... I was itching like crazy. My skin started peeling.. she said hurry home, t are benadryl and rest. She didn't offer to call 911 or anything... I started wheezing on the way home... yes I drove myself... she called to check on me but I insisted on talking to her manager whom she had not told anything to..... ended up going see my ref doc today because the itching, hives and wheezing was still going on.... wth??????? I ended up getting a prednisone injection.... and have to go back for another....
Or do I say how I went to my surgeons office for my appt and the appt had been canceled because he's now saying he doesn't do the type of surgery I need... my regular doc says she believes he doesn't want to do it because it's my bad leg. And doesn't want to touch the mess Dr Williams did..... so hey Dr. WILLIAMS, thanks a fuccen gin
26 Sep 2014
9 months post
Went back to see my PCP today because I am STILL not over this allergic reaction. Doctors say I not only had an allergic reaction but a delayed one as well. So, after my visit today I am on yet another course of antibiotics and placed on Vitamin B6. So, such is the story of my life. I never thought I would have as many issues as I have had. This allergic reaction due to yet ANOTHER persons negligence has set off a domino affect of STUFF happening with me. I know there is something positive going to come out of all of this.. Lord help me....
26 Sep 2014
9 months post
I forgot to mention, my left leg has decided to reopen again..... Yep,.. I know... Idk when it will all stop. Maybe this is how it will be forever... GOD I hope not
29 Sep 2014
9 months post
I was contacted by another hospital *wont say the name on here because I don't want the wrong people to find out* with an appointment scheduler. After speaking to the chief of plastic surgery and his review of my medical records, complete with pictures, it seems as though my PCP has included in her referral that this doctor/hospital entertain the possibility of a revision. I honestly don't know how to feel about that. I just don't know what to think. A part of me is happy and says YESSSSS it will FINALLY be done correctly, then another part of me is scared.. Scared to be treated like I was treated before. I don't know.. maybe I am being a bit premature *sigh*... IDK
30 Sep 2014
9 months post
October 10, is my appointment with my NEW and wonderful surgeon!! I cannot wait!!
Pain, swelling, and more pain...
12 Oct 2014
10 months post
Why is it when you are trying to explain your situation to an on call doctor they look at you like you are a dope fiend and are just using them to attempt to get narcotics??? My leg has been hurting like someone stabbed me with a knife and twisted it... the veins are bulging and throbbing. However when I made a call to my doctors office in the hopes of who ever was on call could access my file and help me, I managed to reach my PCP's partner. When I explained to him all that I have been through and what I am facing, which I hate doing, he said " Oh wow you have been through alot... sounds like you are critical.... and you need to go to the emergency room right now.. go right now... because you sound like you are in a very critical situation. WTH????? I asked him could he please get in touch with my PCP and please ask her to tell him what to do... he fuccen laughed and said, Okay Ms. Heisser... you go straight to e.r. okay... bye bye...
I cannot wait to see him tomorrow when I go into the office.!! If I was trying to get over I wouldn't have called. I would have gone to the e.r. Also, I sure as hell wouldn't tell you to call my PCP and discuss my case.... Yea Yea I know... there are people out there that do what they can for drugs.. but damn I have been in pain forever... and yet I get penalized for being honest and forthcoming..!!! Fuck it!
1 Nov 2014
11 months post
just found out that my PS was fired from his job where he did surgery on me. a part of me wants to jump up and down and be so happy but then there's another part of me that worries if he's not there he's someplace else doing the same thing to somebody else. I don't rejoice in anyone's calamity but getting fired is the least they could have done to him. there wasn't an attorney around that would take the case no matter how clear cut it seemed. He knows in his heart what he did to me is wrong and he has to answer to God. So I'm about to have another surgery and get this totally revised and God is going to be with me and everything will be fine I have to think this way because if I don't I'll lose my damn mind
I honestly don't know where to begin. I had an appointment with another surgeon this morning that would have taken me a very long driving time to get to, and when I was halfway there his office called and canceled. Kenny says not to take it personally but how else can I look at it? First they wouldn't schedule me and then when they finally do they cancel! Call me paranoid but I honestly feel in my heart it's because no one wants to take over what Dr. Williams did. They don't want to assume responsibility for his fuck up. Sorry but I'm hurt and angry. What now Lord??? What now????