I am a 38 year old mother of 4, ages 18, 15, 4,...

I am a 38 year old mother of 4, ages 18, 15, 4, and 2.

10 years ago, I had a tummy tuck. I was pretty large at the time for me, at 5' 7" and 230 lbs with a very small frame.

Though it was supposed to be a full TT, the doctor did nothing with my upper abdomen. And I have a noticeable poof on my sides where my scar is. I guess I need to put in pictures so you can see what I mean.

Though it was a vast improvement to what I began with, it's certainly not something I'm comfortable with. My only saving grace was, Wow! That apron was gone! And everything between my belly button and my scar was really nice and flat! I was happy about that, but that was all I was happy with.

Thank goodness for my boobs. Natural, nice, not too saggy, pretty darn full 36G's.

Well, time goes by, my weight settles in at 165 with little effort on my part. I was waiting tables by day and bar tending at night. It kept me pretty muscular and active. I was happy with myself.

I met a man, and a year later, he proposed. I had stopped bar tending at night about 6 months prior, and unfortunately, a few weeks after the proposal, I was fired from my day job.

My soon to be husband took it as a sign that I should not work anymore. I let him talk me in to it. I started working at 15 years old, and quite frankly, I was ready to be done for awhile. Serving drinks and food is good money fast, but sometimes it comes with a ton of bull crap.

So, to make a long story longer, we married, and almost one year to the day, our little girl was born. I gained 40 pounds with the pregnancy. My tummy and boobs came through it like champs. I went back down slowly to 165. The problem was, I wasn't doing all the heavy lifting like I did when I worked. I had way less muscle. My thighs and arms had gotten bigger during the pregnancy, and as I lost the weight, I noticed new saggy skin there, but I was all in all ok.

On our second anniversary, I got pregnant with The Boy. I was 35. Now I will say that it was my most beautiful pregnancy. I only gained 18 lbs. I carried nice, I felt great, I looked great. The little creep turned footling breech, and his head got lodged under my ribs.

I had to have a blankety-blank C-section. It left me with a shelf. My beautiful lower stomach was ruined. And 8 months later, an ingunial hernia repair. Double ruined!

And my poor boobs. He sucked the very life out of them. They are still G's, but sad, pancake, sliding off my body G's. My confidence was now pretty much wrecked.

I got a groupon for smart lipo on my arms a year after The Boy was born. I LOVE my results from it. It is the very first time in my life I felt good about my arms.

Here it is, 2.5 years after The Boy was born, and I was just told I have to have an abdominal hysterectomy. I broke down and cried to my husband that I just could not handle one more disfigurement to my stomach. He very, very sweetly agreed to let me have a TT at the same time.

When I went in for my consult, after my Dr assessed my abdomen and told me what he could do, I just went for broke and asked about getting a BL too. He told me that he could absolutely do those at the same time, and advised me that I would be left with small D's after. He told me since I was used to having very large breasts, I might want to consider small implants as well.

I knew my husband wouldn't be thrilled with small D's. He's obsessed with my big boobs. He told me I was the only girl on this planet he'd ever seen whose boobs got bigger when she took her bra off (I wear a minimizer sometimes, lol). I knew I wouldn't be thrilled, either. I love my girls! So my Dr and I decided on 240 cc saline implants.

I went home and showed my paperwork to my husband. He said go for it all, lol.

So I have my surgery scheduled for August 9th. I'll be in the hospital for 3 days due to the hysterectomy (bring on the pain pump!) Both of my doctors say I will heal from the Mommy makeover faster than the hysterectomy.

I'm just ready to get in there, get out, get healed, and be done!

Dragging my Feet

22 days. Know what I've done? Bought some Metamucil crackers and one front-close sports bra. And pat me on the back, I've scheduled a mammogram.

And that's it. I have meals to make, supplies to buy, cleaning to do, and I'm potty training The Boy.

Why I wasn't born into Royalty or extreme wealth, I'll never know. My life screams, "In need of a personal assistant or 3!!!!". I blame my ADD. One 'squirrel' and I'm a gonner.

Last night I had a horrendous stomach bug. I'm reminded of the line in The Devil Wears Prada when Emily says she's 'one stomach flu away from goal weight'. I weighed this morning and cursed Emily. I hadn't lost an ounce, lol. 159.8 lbs and holding strong.

I'm determined to post before pics in the next couple days. I'll be posting from my phone, so they will be sideways :( I haven't figured out how to flip them (hint, hint, wink, wink to any tech savvy ladies who might want to explain how to me).

I guess that's it for now. I did take the time to really enjoy holding and carrying The Boy and The Girl tonight. They are both way too heavy to be picked up or carried after my surgery.

Attempt at pictures, as promised. Please excuse these weird ass faces I'm making.

Decided to go for the gold this morning and take my before pics. I have on no make up, haven't brushed my hair, and I'm just sayin', be GLAD you can't smell me, lol.

I am a neurotic psycho, how's your day?

It is 1:15 in the A.M., ladies, and I am an effing wreck. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I am running in circles.

I wanted to pay my doctor today, and use some of my precious child-free time to talk to someone up there. I have a billion and six more questions. But my mom needed me. So I went to help her.

Actually, she helped me. I was a crying wreck, and she calmed me down and made me make out a list of what I need to accomplish before surgery. Seeing it all on paper as opposed to pinging around my head like a pinball certainly helps me. But the thing is, I can't finish my list til I speak to someone up at the Dr's office. I don't know about vitamins or what to take and what to avoid and today I read in nosaltrita's comments to avoid tomatoes? What the heck, over?

I've seen him once. How can he remember me? I got a preop 3 pieces of paper in the mail. It seems I'll be issued my prescriptions after surgery? As if my Hubby doesn't have enough going on? The second paper was how to empty a drain, and the third was 'avoid aspirin'. It's like I'm being thrown to the wolves!! I called my OB to inquire about the mammogram I'd be a fool not to get before surgery. We have a dear friend dying of bone cancer that spread from breast cancer that she didn't know she had because she didn't have a mammogram before she got implants. Scream it from the roof tops, "Check your boobies first, Ladies!".

Back to my story. So mom sent me on my merry way. My doctor's office was closed for lunch. I went to Kohl's for the terry robe with pockets and a few front close sports bras- BAM! Denied. They had jack crap. So I go to Penny's. Nothing! I guess I'll look online. But it was very frustrating.

I pray tomorrow I can cross something off that list. Anything! Even when I add to it, and I will, at least SOMETHING should be crossed off!

I need to sit in a corner and breathe in to a paper bag. Pssssshh! Cardio? My hearts racing fine, dammit!

Whew. Getting some of this out has finally made me sleepy. Thanks for reading my mad rant.

Stay tuned......more to come......believe it........

Oh my God!

My OB's office called at 1:30 today saying my insurance company denied my hysterectomy and appendectomy. How can they do this!?! The insurance Dr's think I should 'try less evasive things first'.

So the OB's office wants to talk to me about other procedures they can try on my surgery date, but they can't see me until Aug 1st to decide what. Talk about cutting shit close! She said they won't cancel my surgery date, I just can't have my hysterectomy. Like maybe laparoscopic surgery.

I am crushed. There is no way in hell I can go through with my mommy makeover now. I will not pay 10 grand and go through the healing and hardship on my family just to turn around and eventually have to have the hysterectomy when my insurance company finally 'thinks it's appropriate' have my fixed tummy cut in to effing again.

I didn't realize just how badly I wanted this until they just yanked it away from me! To think I was scared about any of this!

I hurt EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Something very weird is going on with my internal lady bits. There is a spot to the left of my belly button that is constantly bothersome. There is never a time I am not aware of this spot, and it's been this was since like April. One out of every 4 times my husband and I have sex I get horrendous pain that lasts for hours.

I can't go on like this.

My husband just called me back. He was on the phone with the insurance company for literally an hour and a half. He told them that while I am just a piece of paper to them, that I was his wife and a very real person who he has to watch cry in pain every day and suffer. He told them to cut the bullshit, that I will be having my surgery on the 9th, and that they WILL be covering it.

Almost everyone at the insurance company he spoke with was female, and none of them could believe I was being denied. He almost had to go as far as demanding to speak with their doctors who denied me.

One of the ladies pulled strings, and told my husband if my OB could fax them X, Y, and Z today, they could start trying other things to get approved Monday morning.

So I just got off the phone with the surgery coordinator at the OB's, and they are faxing the things now. So I just get to sit here and wait until the insurance company decides if I'm worthy enough to spend money on our not. I'm trying my best to stay calm in the mean time.

That's all I have for now.

I'm taking a break from here until I have answers so I don't get even more upset. Thanks for letting me vent.

My insurance company is the Debil

I'm still in a holding pattern. I have called and fought with my insurance company this entire week. It is unreal, and they are out and out liars.

The only decent news I have is that my Hubby's turn around at work was pushed back to October (he'll be working 14+ hours a day, 7 days a week). This means that if my OB and I can jump through those insurance company bastard's hoops enough for them to allow my surgery, As long as it can happen by the end of that 1st week in September, I can be where I need to be in my healing process by the time the turn around starts.

I just wanted to come on here and announce formally that UMR (my health insurance people) sucks, they do not care about their clients, the higher-ups are snotty and rude, and they are lying crooks.

I am now also seriously doubting that a mommy makeover will help me at all. I think that I am way too fat for it to do any good. I feel like even if my front gets fixed, the rest of flabby me will over shadow the results. I'm just not happy and hopeful anymore.

Thanks again, to UMR, for leaving me in pain and shattering my well being.

A graphic and gross update. Seriously.

Yesterday I got in to see my OB. He is the most awesome guy in the world. He told me he was sorry he couldn't change the insurance denial, and e fought for me.

As we were talking, and more information came out of my mouth as far as symptoms I was experiencing goes, he decided that he should check me for uterine prolapse. Here comes the gross part, people! Skip it if you want!

So the nurse takes me into an exam room, and I get undressed. The Dr comes in and I 'assume the position' in the stirrups. He sprayed some very cold stuff on my lady bits, and said, "This might pinch a little". He pulled on my cervix and it literally came out of my hooha. Then he put it back.

Hear me when I tell you that was the most messed up, traumatizing thing I've ever gone through, and I was robbed at gun point once. I have the shakes and heebie jeebies again just typing it out.

But, the point is, I have prolapse. Boy, do I. And it CAN'T be fixed. It has to be removed. The OB's office has re-submitted a surgery request. Tentatively scheduled for August 28th. I called my PS and they had no problems switching the date. So I'm back! I will hear from my OB today with confirmation of the surgery date.

While I do wish it could have been next Friday, I also wasn't really ready. And now at least I can get the babies to their first days of school, so that's a plus.

Ok. I won. New surgery date: Oct 9th

I've been absent around here fighting my battle with my sorry-ass insurance company. My reschedule was supposed to be for today. It's now all set for October 9th. Still sitting at 160 lbs, still 5' 7" (lol, still hoping to be 5' 10" someday). My plan is to enjoy Labor Day weekend and then get on the exercise like a boss. I would be thrilled to lose 10 more lbs before surgery, but will be happy with 5. I guess I'm fine now mentally. I can look at the site again without being all neurotic.

First time I've checked in. 2 weeks from yesterday until my big day!

Less than 2 weeks to go. I am getting excited. Finally things are going my way.

(Eye roll) Love to keep you guessing!

It's almost midnight. 30 minutes until it's the day before my surgery. The hospital will call Tuesday afternoon to let me know what time to be there Wednesday. Please let me be first thing in the am.

I saw Dr. O'Neal today. I had a laundry list of questions about recovery from the BL/BA I'd come up with after reading so many reviews. Dr. O'Neal is very relaxed about the whole thing. He says let my body and my pain be my guide. So I will.

My Hubby is off work this week. He and I are scrubbing the house tomorrow morning while the babies are at school, and then I'll have a shower and then go get a pedicure.

I need to pack a bag for the hospital. And I guess that's it.

I told Dr. O'Neal I was scared of the way I am when I come out of anesthesia (I come out swinging and screaming). He told me to tell the anesthesiologist.

I guess I'm going to bed now. Hopefully it's like 30 hours til surgery. Wish me luck, kids.

Oh my god I'm little!!! Well, what I can see over my boobs.

Geez it was an uphill battle yesterday. I was told to be at admitting by 8:30am. I was. And my surgery didn't begin until 1:37pm. What a stinking long day. I was in recovery at 6:50. My poor hubby couldn't get updates at all. He was sick with worry.

I guess I got my point across to the fine folks in anesthesia. I don't remember a damn thing. I remember getting rolled in to surgery. I remember them moving me to the operating table. I remember crying a little (I'm very neurotic), and that's all. My memories begin again in my room.

My bladder felt like it was full to bursting. It still does, even with the catheter out (this morning they took it). But I'm holding it as
Long as possible so that I can deposit at least 100cc's in the collector, otherwise the catheter goes back in me, and there's no damn way in letting that happen.

My other big mistake? I slept with my right arm over my head. Boy does that boob hurt today!!

I want to get up and go look in the mirror so bad! I'll bring my phone in for pics.

These drugs are making me sleepy and loopy. I've gotta go, guys. I just wanted you to know that I made it through! Thanks again for the thoughts, prayers, and well wishes!

Nite nite! Whether I like it or not, lol.

I'm being discharged from the hospital today.

I don't know, guys. I haven't seen or heard from my plastic surgeon since my surgery Wednesday.

I'm kind of in shock. I have on a binder that just isn't big enough. And NO compression garmet. I have a foam pad over my boobs. What the heck do I do now? And also, HOLY HELL MY BOOBS HURT! I guess I'm waiting til 9am to call his office. I just can't imagine this is right. And I swear to Christ if I'm deformed or something I don't know what I'll do.

I can't have surgery again. I just freaking can't. And the day shift nurses at this hospital are assholes. I respect what nurses do, but I do NOT respect these day shift ladies. Oh hell no.

Can you imagine all the swelling below and above my binder? Yeah, it's bad. This shit is just crazy. I just don't feel right.

I want to buy my own compression garmet I guess, but I don't know where or what to get. I just want the best results possible, and I don't imagine they can be achieved this way.

Shocking update: I cried when I saw my boobs.

I don't even know if I want to post pics. I will, if they might help others. If you think of my boob like a clock face, there is a weird lump around 4-5 o'clock. Even though they were so low I could step on them, they were still pretty. But now, goodness.

So I took pics and emailed them in to the nurse who showed them to Dr. Oneal. She called me and told me my official orders were to quit looking at my boobs. My nurse said it won't be there in 6 weeks. God I hope not.

Also, I demanded an enema before they discharge me. Boy I feel better, even though it was 98% gas. I guess folks aren't kidding when they say get the gas-x.

I'm ok, y'all. Just coming to grips with exactly now neurotic and high-strung I really am. I'll look at my few pics and decide on whether I'm brave enough to post or not.

Pics, til I take them down.

What a difference a day makes!

I'm home. I'm feeling surprisingly good. I am TIRED. They wouldn't let me ice my boobs in the hospital. I have been icing the right one since I've been home and it's better. My boobs both feel softer today. I am following my PS's orders and NOT looking at them, lol.

I have my binder on my tummy. I won't be able to see my tummy until my drain comes out Monday or Tuesday, but y'all, my spare tire of skin and fat is GONE! It's GONE!. I spent 15 minutes in the mirror this morning crying tears of joy and gratitude. GONE, y'all! I am still very swollen, but I am so damn happy. I am also 5 lbs lighter than I was going in to surgery on Wednesday. UN-freaking-believable!

I am tired. Very tired. But getting around well. My OB sent me home on Lortab 10's and ibuprophin 800's. I'll wean off the lortabs by Monday. I'm going to try and get a nap now.

Thanks again to everyone for the nice words and thoughts.

My breasts hurt unbelievably bad.

I have spent my entire weekend resting. Not over doing anything at all. Pretty much in one of 2 recliners. And when reclining back, or coming back upright, it hurts me so bad I cry out in pain. It is excruciating. It can't be right!

I'm calling my PS's office first thing at 9 and telling them what is going on. I have no complaints about my tummy. It feels FINE. But these boobs are killing me! I had to take my bra off, and I think that's helped a little, but GAAAAHHH! Oh an they still look hideous.

I'll keep you guys updated.

Sigh. I am not going to look at myself anymore.

So it's day 5. I call the PS's office with my drain output report. They tell me to come in and get it out.

I have yet to see my tummy. So I go in, they take off my binder, pull off the rubbery stuff under it. I am reclined on the table. I look down, everything looks very different. The scar is thin. The PS proclaims it brilliant.

Then he checks my boobs. I ask him about the weird lump. He tells me he sees nothing weird. Tells me to wear my bra to help mould things where we want them. Tells me I'm not too swollen, but might want to continue to wear my binder to help with swelling. Tells me to come back in 3 weeks.

So we go home. I wait until I put the kids to bed before I get in the mirror and into the shower. Lord. I don't know how I feel. My tummy isn't flat. I don't have a small waist. The scar is pretty, I'll give it that.

I was thinking I'd have a smaller waist. And a flat tummy. And right now my boobs are sitting so funny. I'll take a pic in clothes to show you what I mean. I have the end of my old tummy tuck scar still. I wish he could have pulled things tighter.

I wish he would have told me that I'd definitely want my giant-ass flanks lipo'd. Right now I'm sad.

I knew I wasn't going to be a size 2, but I sure thought I'd have a smaller waist and a flat tummy. I'm still pretty hunched over so I know that's affecting how I look too.

I put spanx on and my binder on over that. I'm praying this is all just swelling.

I'll put up a pic or 2 now. I promise tomorrow when I'm home by my self I'll get in there and take clear pics and post for everybody.

Pic didn't post the upsetting one

Day 6 sad photo bomb

Hubby went back to work today. My brother came over this morning and took the babies to school. I'm all alone, so naturally it's time to pour a cup of coffee and get naked for those pictures I promised!

I have an obnoxious amount of side boob. It looks like 2 salad plates on my chest, the roundness of it all. Well, lumpy salad plates. And please notice the weirdness between my boobs. Maybe it's extra skin for the drop and fluff? And finally, my lump on my right Frankenboob is oozing. Hooray for me.

I'm still as thick as all get out. And feeling more discouraged by the moment that flank lipo wasn't recommended to me.

I am not trying to sound discouraging or discourage anyone from doing this. I am just putting my very real thoughts and feelings out there. Right now I am wondering what have I done to myself and why. I haven't said that out loud to anybody. But it's what I feel. And maybe this is just the normal week 1 blues. I guess I am discouraged.

1 Week

I quit being a dumbass and got back on my meds. I began using ice on my boobs again. I'm trying to drink more water. I adjusted my med schedule so that I sleep through the night.

In one day I feel a lot better. It's been ONE week. I don't know what I was trying to prove. One of my Steri strips came off. My scar looks amazing. I hope some fall off of my boobs soon, I want to see the scars there!

I spent the entire day icing my side boobs. They both feel better and have gone down. I am very close to being fully erect posture-wise. And I'm very ready for that!!!!

But I've slowed down, and calmed down, and I am treating myself better, and it's making all the difference.

Happy healing!

Post OP day 9- starting to really like what I see.

I'm keeping my binder on over my spanx. My boobs have gone from black/purple/blue to a nice respectable green/yellow/red.

I'm feeling pretty good. I've thrown dinner in the oven a few times. Done a couple loads of laundry. Unloaded the dishwasher a few times. I feel close to normal-ish. I still am not totally standing up right. But I'm feeling better every day. My OB said I'm allowed to drive again next Thursday. Good, because I need out. By myself.

I'm really starting to like what I see in the mirror for the most part. I LOVE my hourglass figure. I even am starting to love my boobs. When they drop and fluff they will be AMAZING. I am quite a bit worried about how stretches the skin is on my lower cleavage part. There are ripples. I hope to god I don't get more stretch marks when they drop and fluff. My old stretch marks on top of my breasts have been skin colored and sunken for years. You can definitely see them, but you can tell they're old, and quite frankly, they are looking good.

Today is the first day my tummy is not sticking out farther than my boobs. They're neck and neck. The tummy needs to go in an the boobs need to go out, lol. I am also concerned that I can kind of suck in my tummy. Shouldn't those muscles be tacked down so tight they don't move? But all in all I have a nice shape to my mid section. I have never had that before. I am so greatful to Dr. O'Neal for this.

Now more than ever I wish my flanks had been lipo'd. My profile just isn't what it could be. Everything up front is so nice and tight. And everything behind me is so lumpy and flabby. I have half of a really nice waist line. The front half. There are a few hip lumps that really would have benefitted from lipo too. When I go in for my month post OP check up, I'm going to bring this up to Dr. O'Neal and see if we can come to some kind of arrangement to have those 2 things done. I hope it won't mess up my results though.

I'm posting pictures from this morning. I don't think I'm in swell hell horribly bad. I hope it's more than it feels like, so I go down more.

I haven't had the urge to try on clothes yet.

A couple more

Day 11. Let's talk about Deez Boobz.

As always, I'm bringing you raw emotion. Now, is that raw emotion alcohol infused? Today it is. So I'll be bringing you the straight dope. Should I be drinking? Of course not. But I did, so, now you have me.

I spent the entirety of my yesterday crying about and regretting my implants. Eventhough I told my new friend I've made in this venture that I'd never experience regret. Well, M, and everybody else, I did.

I woke up at 6 am today, with regret. Because all I've wanted the past 2 days is to effing LAY DOWN, not on my back, snuggling my hubby. And I CAN'T.

I spent yesterday evening you tubing Brest massage after implants. My PS didn't mention massage, but I have heard that it's crucial, so I looked it up. And then last night, I did it. And it felt nice. Previously, they felt so full I'd be silly to rub them, but I took a chance.

An then this morning, they hurt again. It felt like I was trying to dead lift 200 lbs or something. So I let my hubby rub my boobs. Lord almighty did that feel good. And that lead to fooling around, and that was great, too. But I had to keep my clothes on. Direct skin contact does NOT feel good right now.

You see, I had spent 24 hours regretting my implants. And then we got in the shower. My hubby had the BiGGEST grin on his face the entire time. He really, really likes them. Even being franken-booby. They do look a little better though.

So the kids were gone, obviously, and we got dressed and went to have a brunch cocktail or two, and not I'm glad that those implants are there. We'll just keep massaging them, and hopefully they'll feel better to me. And maybe I can get used to them. I do love how effing high they are. You guys just don't understand. They haven't been perky. Ever. Since I grew them in 5th grade. They have always sagged. So maybe I like them after all.

At any rate, I'm putting up more pictures. I still have crazy swollen side-boob. I still have ripples that I'm scared will turn into stretch marks when they dropp and fluff. But maybe I like them. I'm putting cocoa butter on the ripples to try and help them out. I hope I'll be ok.

The tummy tuck part is A-OK. I can stretch out almost all the way. I am 98% upright. Nothing hurts, and my scar looks pretty. I still am swollen as fuck. In fact, of course a neurotic person measures before hand. I am 2 inches bigger in the waist and also in the belly button measurement. My hips are the same. But my tummy LOOKS so much more pretty and preportional. I would actually put on a 2-piece and feel pretty good. I CAN NOT THANK Dr.O'Neal enough for that.

My pants from before surgery all fit, they just fit differently. I hope this swelling goes down soon.

Maybe I'm getting off the fence, guys. Maybe I'm happy. I almost feel like I am. It's pretty exciting.

Is it possible to be partially disappointed? 2 weeks post tomorrow

Again, my friends, I KNOW I'm swollen. But sheesh. Just for shits and giggles, I tried on pieces of different bikini's I have. Every piece a large or extra large. I wasn't trying to be unrealistic.

How in the holy hell do I still have a muffin top? And it's not like over-scar swelling muffin top. it's straight up muffin top! I just really, really want to cry. So, I did the bend over test, I still have tummy hang. There is still tummy in my lap when I sit.

It's not like I walked in to this surgery as a giant fat blob. I was 163 and 5'7"! A 9/10 was a little too snug and an 11/12 was most often a tiny bit roomy! I wore large in dresses, mostly to accommodate my boobs. I do not freaking understand why I still have all of this blubber everywhere and I do not understand why my doctor didn't recommend any kind of lipo if he doesn't do it as a normal part of the routine. Every doctor who posts on this site seems to want their patients to have the best results possible. I just don't understand why I wasn't given this consideration!

But at the same time, I was given a better shape. And while that does really, really make me happy, it just isn't a replacement for what I thought I was getting. Which was tight and flat.

It makes me really sad that I have gone through this extensive and expensive ordeal to be differently unhappy with things about my body.

I continue to report happily that I am getting over my boobs. They are still crazy shaped, bruised, tight, and ripple-y, but they are not painful anymore, and my husband is very happy with them (he says he can see the finished product in his head). Plus, it is an absolute thrill for me to not HAVE to wear a bra. It has been 25 YEARS since I haven't had to.

I keep replaying the words of my OB over and over in my head. He told me that out of all plastic surgeons in the town where I live, Dr. O'Neal is the one who will stick it out with a patient until that patient is happy. My OB told me this on several occasions. It was the reason I chose Dr. O'Neal.

But how do I address this? I hate to say negative things or hard to say things to people. I just don't know what to say or do. His lines and scars are really nice. I can't complain about them at all! I asked him to be really aggressive. It's like he wasn't at all. But what he did do is art. Kind of. God bless this is just hard to explain!

I'm still a 'Before' picture! A much smoother and more proportional 'Before' picture. I could land a job as a plus size model (arent they all like 12's and 14's?) and not have to be airbrushed very much. That's what I'm saying.

How does something like this get fixed? How do you bring it up? Do I even have the right to bring it up? Was it my responsibility to walk in and know exactly what work I needed? Am I being unrealistic?

Any input is appreciated, guys. I have thick-ish skin.

My 2 day late 2 week update

I took pics on Wednesday, because it was the 2 week mark. I just haven't been on to do an update. Plus, I put up pics the day before.

I'm here to report. Over all, my pain is negligible. I take an advil 800 or 2 a day. I feel like maybe I have little paper cuts on my belly and boobs. I have been back to sleeping in the bed since Tuesday. And I wake up sore, but not hurting. I lay on 4 fluffy as a cloud pillows. I can sleep on either side. Honestly, I can lay on my tummy. But it feels like I'm laying on two hard water balloons, so I don't. I have princess and the pea syndrome. But it's no big deal with the tummy. The first night in the bed, my husband rolled over and elbowed me in the boob like a professional wrestler. He obviously woke up to me screaming and crying. No bueno.

Been massaging the boobs like crazy, because it makes them feel better. I feel like they're on the move. Before this, like 2 days ago, I could actually be doing something and not feel or notice them. Like they were a natural part of me. But now, I notice them big time. Because they are slightly different. I am thrilled that they both feel like this. I am hoping they both drop at the same time :) the point is, they are gaining a little bounce when I walk, like they're supposed to. And I seem to be gaining cleavage. Still cocoa buttering my boob ripples. And every once in a while, my nipples have what feel like electrical shocks. Left nipple is hyper sensitive. Right is normal. The boob bruises are very faint, but still there. All my boob Steri strips are still hanging in there like champs, so I haven't been anle to see anything, yet.

My tummy is looking good-ish. My waist was un-swollen-ish one day, and it was nice. I have alligator skin and a lot of peeling due to the anesthesia. Par for the course. I'd love to start Bio-Oil now, but I'm waiting on the strips to fall off.

We are attending a fancy wedding this Saturday. I am wearing a dress that I can get away with no bra. I'm really considering it :D

Over all, I think I am more calm and at peace with my mommy makeover decision. I'm glad things are getting easier.

Maybe it's a seroma.

The whole thing is like a water bed. It ripples. I can push on the left side and the right bulges out. I first had my suspicions on Thursday, when I noticed it a little in the shower.

This Saturday, I went to a wedding and partied way too much. Sunday I felt like I had the flu. I thought it was just a giant hangover.

But this morning, I felt the same. No fever, but aches and chills. It's better when the ibuprophin 800 kicks in.

I called my PS's office. He isn't in until Wednesday. I'll see him then. But in the mean time, since there's no fever, they just told me to tough it out. But the lady who answered the phone told me he'll need to draw off the fluid. That sounds dreadful.

My boobs feel itchy and look slightly red. I'm ready to feel better. I hope he can help me on Wednesday.

The view down.

This is the view down. Just if you were wondering.i seriously look 5 months pregnant.

3 weeks today, partially drained seroma.

As ever, things are just so non chalant at Dr. O'Neal's office. He said 'Maybe there's fluid'. He drained about 35cc's off of my lower belly. It is still full of fluid, though. I guess I'll step up the water intake and the compression.

As you guys can see, my hips still aren't smooth. It would have only taken a tiny bit more skin removal to smooth them all the way. It was what I was hoping for the most. I don't mind my size. I like it. I like being a size 10. (Before surgery I wore a 12) I was thinking with everything all smoothed out, I'd feel great about myself. But nothing is smoothed out. I'm trying to be positive. But I expected more.

I am kicking myself for not showing him my boobs. The ripples in the middle. Again, it's not like I didn't have PLENTY of available skin to use. I don't know why things look so pulled in the middle. I'm keeping positive about them. They are dropping a little.

All in all, especially after getting the fluid drained, I feel better.

Lord. My pic without Steri strips. Almost 4 weeks out.

Man. I just can't make words that properly describe my feelings.

Here. I'll just give you the pictures. You tell me.

Going to call this a success with caveats.

I am one month post surgery today. The past 2 days, I have been waking up at what's my now-flat. It's been very nice. Things are smoothing down nicely. I am going I order a couple new shapers. I feel that they are making a difference. I have an excess lump or 2 on my hips. I have love handles. They can be fixed easily with lipo. I'm not going to stress about it anymore. I really did think i was getting a much smaller waist included in this mommy makeover. He told me he was going to pull my waist in really tight. He just didn't tell me that in order to see it, I'd need lipo, lol. I wanted this to all be over and done with ONE time, but it is what it is. Sometimes I feel so dumb.

I really feel bad that I doubted Dr. O'Neal. Because just in the last 2 days, things are really on the move. Maybe he just can see finished product so well, he doesn't even notice the healing anymore. And maybe since it's such a non-issue no big deal to them, they just are very, very relaxed. Or it could be that I am just so high strung.

I have gotten 'used to' the appearance of my breasts, so they aren't as shocking to me anymore. It's just like getting a dramatic new hair color- you know how you feel shocked when you see your self in the mirror the first few times? That's what this is- you have to get used to it. That is the best way to describe this whole new body. When you finally get over the shock and get used to seeing it, it can start to become beautiful to you.

My boobs are starting to move forward a little. Like, I guess fill out. I like that a lot. I can't wear my 36ddd bras without cup spillage. It's back to 36 g I go.

There are 2 things remaining that are concerning about my boobs. From the nipples down, on both boobs, they are really, really still red and purple-y. It's not a bruise. Every other bruise from the surgery is 100% gone. I think I finally got decent pics of that that I will post. It's just weird. And really, really itchy. The tape may be bothering me. It pulled some skin off. I have gauze over it. But the boobs are not/ I'm not feverish. There really isn't any leakage. I wonder if I need antibiotics.

And of course, the ever-present ripples on my boobs. Although today the right looks better. Also, weird, but today it looks like my left boob is bigger, where before it was the right. That's also how I know things are moving, I guess.

I know that Dr. O'Neal will do whatever he can to make things right if they don't end up being that way on their own eventually. I am really starting to see where I've been very silly over some of this. The man knows what he's doing.

Why the heck is my old belly button still here?

My surgery was October 9th. So I'm in the beginning of my 5th week of healing.

I took those last two mystery Steri strips off, and guess what I found! My old belly button. Wtf? I had no mf-ing idea I would have my random old belly button just right there in the middle of every thing. No mention of it. At all. And I still look 5 months pregnant. I am not very happy about this at all. Has this happened to anyone else? I mean, what the hell was tucked?!!!! I have more tummy then I did when I started!

I am trying so very hard to be positive about this whole experience. But how much more of this shit should I have to just smile right through? I mean, did anyone else just have their old belly button left on their tummy without knowing it was going to happen?

I have gone to scar away strips on my boobs. Their shape is getting better every day. What's not getting better are those ripples in the middle.

I think I missed an appointment with my ps last week. It was supposed to be my 'after' pic appointment. Yuck. Not like this. I didn't go. I will call on Monday and reschedule.

I'll put it to you like this: last night was the first time I showed my husband my boobs. He still hasn't seen my tummy naked. I am so sad that I'm not excited to show him my results so far. I imagine so is he. He isn't pressuring me. But I'm sure he's got to be wondering.

I'm changing back my 'worth it' to 'undecided' again. Because I am.

5 Weeks (albeit 2 days late) post OP update

Tape was a bad idea. Mother of God, I'm allergic to it or something! I had need using it on spots on my TT scar (I used scar strips where it was more irritated). I got out of bed Tuesday night/ Wednesday morning with a CRAZY burning itching tummy. I pulled the tape off, and damn my skin is red!

So I just said screw it! I am going with nothing but Lubriderm until I can get some bio oil. I haven't even worn spanx or my binder in a day and a half. I still itch like crazy and am still beet red where the tape was.

My boobs are still reddish from the nipples down, too. But they look good at the end of the day when I take my underwire bra off. If I go the day in a sports bra, the shape isn't what it could be due to side boob. The ripples are still bumming me out. I showed them to a nurse friend of mine. She assured me they'd go away. Of course, she's a psyche nurse, so she's used to calming down crazy folks.

I guess that's what is bumming me the most. I've shown my husband my boobs twice, and I'm still hiding my tummy. The whole point of this surgery was to give me the confidence to run around naked if I want! Oh heck no! It's just not what I was imagining. The only way my waist and tummy are how I want them is if they're bound up really tight. In fact, here I am, 5 weeks and 2 days later, and my waist is EXACTLY the same measurement as before I had surgery. My hips are 1/2 inch smaller. I can still grab handfuls of skin and fat.

I have noticed that depression has been creeping up on me big time. I have really had a hard time with depression in the last 4 years. So I am making the effort to force myself to get dressed and get out of the house. I'm trying to not let it over take me.

I still haven't called O'Neal's office. I'm scared to, since I missed that appointment. But I want these things addressed and fixed. I guess that's my goal for today. To call and get an appointment for next week. I just don't know what to say to him. Sure, I can address the ripples easily. But what about the rest of it? What if he looks at me and says, "What did you expect, you were too heavy for what you wanted to be accomplished" or something like that.

But I don't think I was! I have seen pictures on this site of so many 150-170lb ladies who are even shorter than me who have tremendous results! I wasn't even trying to lose weight, just be smooth! And I'm not!

I comfortably wear a 12 pre OP. I was hoping to comfortably wear a 10 post OP. I don't think I was being unreasonable! I still have flab on my waist. It just makes me sad.

I've got pics. I'll add them.

I just threw up in my mouth a little. The old BB scab fell off.

That's right. I didn't mention exactly how freaking squeamish I am. I really do look like I have a bullet hole. Yuck yuck double yuck gross. I am oozing pinkish stuff.

I finally broke down last night after seeing my bullet hole, and told my Hubby just exactly unhappy I am with my results, and how I expected more than this.

And in as nice as possible a way, he told me he's disappointed too. I can not express to anyone enough how sad this made me. I can read his face like a billboard. I have been catching him kind of studying me here and there in the past 2 weeks. I know he sees what I see and had probably been having the same thoughts as I. But it hurts when it goes from just thinking your husband is disappointed to KNOWING he is.

But he is going to go with me for my 6 week check up on Wednesday an help me address my concerns. He says we WILL get this handled. All he wants is for me to be happy and feel good. All I want to do is lay in bed and cry. I feel like I need to go to the damn psyche ward. Not really, but you know what I mean.

I just can't imagine how any of this can be fixed.

I appreciate you ladies holding my hand through this. I think the idea of getting a second opinion is awesome.

Sorry if I made you think I could turn you in to Barbie

My husband took a vacation day from work to accompany me to my 6 week post OP appointment. Here's the run down.

We get called back, I'm told to take off everything above the waist, and to just pull my pants and panties down a little, and have a seat. I got the pink sheet thing to cover up with.

We spend 15 minutes sitting there, listening to Dr. O'Neal talk on the phone in the hallway right outside our door about the proper way to load and haul steel pipe on a trailer.

He finally comes in, and shakes my hand. I tell him I'm not happy. We start off with my bullet hole. He tells me it's all my fault for smoking. Which I did pick back up 2 weeks ago. I had gone 8 weeks smoke free, but 2 weeks ago I caved.

But he just acted like it was supposed to be there. Like he had told me that my old belly button hole would just be randomly in the middle of my tummy. He certainly didn't. So he numbed me and cleaned out the hole and stitched it shut. I have to go back in a week and get the stitches out.

I asked about my waist. He said he could only take in what my muscle repair would allow. I told him I felt mislead because he had told me he would make it small. I asked if I should of had lipo. He said, "Well you can still get lipo....." And then dropped it.

I asked about my uneven hips and scar. He says he did the best he could. I asked why I have the pregnant tummy and extra skin there. He told me that the skin is pulled as tight as he could.

I told him that I thought I'd be tighter and smoother, and he said that he removed a piece of skin 2 feet wide and 5 inches long (Bullshit because of where the hole in my tummy is) and that it weighed 6 pounds (Bullshit!!!) and that if I wasn't any smaller, then it must be because I've put on weight (I haven't). I weigh what I weighed going in to surgery. He said if I'm the same weight, it proves I've gained weight because of what all he did.

On to my boobs:
The ripples? Well those just must be old stretch marks that I had that are now inflamed. He thinks they'll go away? The purple/red color? Well I'm just not done healing! The fact that I have no boob crease and that my supposedly underboob scars are ON the face of the boobs? Well they just haven't dropped yet! See! That left one is dropping a bit! I'll be fine!

My husband told him that I had done research on this surgery like it was my job. That I had looked at literally thousands of before's and after's, and that we both believe that I did NOT go in to this surgery with unrealistic expectations. That we don't feel that we got what we were told we'd get.

Dr. O'Neal at first tried to say that all the pictures on the Internet are ONLY the Dr's best photos, and I shouldn't expect those results. I told him I wasn't looking at Dr sites, I was looking at Real Self, and that the patients post their own photos, that it wasn't the Dr's at all.

So then he says that he's sure sorry if he led me to believe he could make me look like Barbie. That with what he had to work with, he did a great job and that I should be happy about what I have. He also said he still thinks I'm swollen and will go down more. And rattled off a bunch of 'With a second tummy tuck' bullshit that he should have told me in the first place BEFORE surgery. He said that a mommy makeover is just really about trading 10 problems for 3, that it's not perfection. He said he's PROUD of his work, and if I could see me through his eyes, I would be, too.

So here I sit. Still big. Still unhappy. And now, with worse things than I had. I'm not proud. Not one bit. AND I'm out 10 fucking grand.

I just have no more words.

Dang. I blanked on week 7.

I blanked on week 7 (Wednesday). And I was actually excited about it, because I woke up only looking 4 months pregnant instead of 5.

Did I take pics? Noooooooo. And then had to go get my stitches from my bullet hole out. Came home and blanked on taking pics, or the fact that it was 7 weeks.

Go to bed, wake up, and now I'm SIX months pregnant looking.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

So no pics this week. Nope.

Dr O'Neal told me yesterday he wants to wait a few months on my 'after' pics.

The boobs are the same. No change. No happiness.

8 weeks post OP.

Sigh. Well, I'm not even sure what to write. I'd really like to thank you guys for all of the support and kind words.

Where am I? Here wondering how much of this really is my fault. Did I hork down so much Halloween candy that I negated the 6 lbs of skin my doctor claims he took? I mean, I guess I could have?

But then I look at myself, and the things that just didn't get done. I don't think I did this. It's making me crazy. Here I sit, with my size 12 jeans on, and my little belly roll at the top. That I paid 10 grand to have taken away. That didn't.

And yes I'm still swollen. Especially since last Wednesday, when I got my stitches out of my bullet hole (which, by the way, a Steri strip came off of. I think it's healed/not a hole?). My rings will barely come off of my fingers. My pubic mound/bottom of my stomach is really still raised. I still look pregnant as hell. I really want to finish this all off with lipo to the waist upper tummy, and flanks. I don't think I'll be happy otherwise.

In other news, my boobs are still there. Maybe the middle ripples look a tiny bit better. Maybe not. The right boob still has the scab under(I mean NOT under) it. I can't tell if they're any different. I can tell you that I need lipo to the right bra area because of my weird breast shape.

Christ on a cracker, I am the poster child for 'needs lipo'.

I am really watching my food intake. At 12 weeks I hope to see my PS again an re-address my concerns. Though honestly I don't see him doing anything to fix anything.

I don't know. I'll never be able to afford the lipo I want.

I'm just sad. I need to go ahead and order my swim burka for next summer, right? No bikini's here.

Also, I'm going to put up the pics of the difference between me sucking in my tummy and not. I hate that I still have to suck in my tummy to half ass look like I want.

10 weeks post OP.

I have kept my word as far as watching my food. I told you I would. I am now down to 2 lbs below surgery weight. Or to put it another way, 4 lbs over what my Dr. said he removed. You guys will see a noticeable difference in my pictures. I am starting to look better. And it's becoming more glaringly obvious how tiny little things could have made all of the difference in this mommy makeover.

My bullet hole is healing, but slowly. I have decided to completely quit smoking again as my New Years resolution. I know smoking is impeding my progress. I'm trying to over come self sabotage. This is one of my self sabotage things. I also learned the medical term for why my boobs are red from my mom in law but promptly forgot it. My dad in law just had surgery, and he has the redness problem, but in his ankle, not his boobs.

I also have a gnarly scab where all the cuts meet on 'ol righty, still. And though lower, all 3 cuts are still on the face of my boobs. I have G cups but don't have enough boob for them to drop? Huh?

But, again, like I said, I'm taking charge of things again. Oh, and I am wearing my binder again from morning to bed time, every single day. I'll just squeeze my figure into submission! Hey, it's sweater weather, no one can tell. And you can really hide a muffin top with a binder and a chunky sweater, let me tell you.

I have moved my plans from going to a 12 week check up to address my concerns with my Dr to 16 weeks. In addition to being under the weight my dr said I should have been after the surgery, I also want to have a few smoke free weeks under my belt. Hell, i might even (gasp!) exercise. I want to be doing everything right.

3 months after surgery :(

Disappointment.

That's what I feel. My doctor did nothing for me. I am not swollen. I haven't for a few weeks. These are my results, plain and simple.

I have no idea which direction to go in, because he dismissed me so easily last time. I feel my complaints will fall on deaf ears. After you sign your life away to these people, there really is nothing you can do for recourse.

Glad to report I didn't gain an ounce through the holidays, which included my birthday. On January 6th, I began an intense strength training challenge. I can already see changes in my body (mainly my ass, thank you lunges!, but luckily for you guys, I haven't shared a pic of that monstrosity, so there's no point in doing it now).

It is a 90 day challenge, which will end at my 6 months after surgery mark. I'll be damned if my surgeon will be allowed to take credit for MY hard work. So I'm going to update my results from the challenge on days, 15, 30, 60, and 90. Just so you guys know the real truth. That it was all me and not him. (Now I guess with all of my shit talk, I have to stick with it, lol).

My bullet hole finally has a tiny scab that I'm treating like a faberge egg. My under (again, HA! There is NO under) boob scab is smaller.

Oh. And guess fucking what? My boobs still look like they're sliding off my body. Yup. They weren't lifted at all. The nipples were. Which makes for a very sad looking set of boobs. I am never without a bra unless showering. Why are they so low?

I don't really have much more to say, guys. Yay for everyone else who actually got what they paid for.

Almost 7 months later.....

This Wednesday will be 7 months since surgery. I haven't seen my surgeon in 5 months. Every day I want to call and make an appointment to re address my concerns. My self confidence is shattered and I don't call.

I need to see him. I don't think my implants are in the pockets correctly. I don't think they ever were. If you imagine my boobs as clock faces, at 8 and 4 (the outside bottoms) I can feel implant. If I push in, they move up, and then my boobs actually look lifted and like I wanted them to look.

The other reason I think something is wrong is because every single form of exercise that involves a bouncing movement causes them to feel like I'm having a pins and needles feeling. Like how your foot feels when it's fallen asleep and is waking up. Yeah, that. In my BOOBS! This can't be right. Millions of people have boob jobs and run. You can't tell me they feel like their boobs have a pins and needles feeling the entire time. You can't.

I stopped wearing my binder after month 2. The second I did, the bulge of fat he moved from directly under my boobs down to right over my belly button popped out. I am a 39 year old woman who is intimately familiar with her own fat. I know that it all just got moved down 3 inches. I know where it used to be. I can just imagine Dr. O'Neal telling me I've gained weight and it's new fat. You can closely examine my before and now pics and see what I'm talking about. It was a ridge of fat my boobs sat on. Now it's right above my very ugly belly button.

I am most disappointed by the mounds of fat between my old TT scars and the new ones by my hip bones. It was what I initially brought up before this whole thing started. I was left with them after the first TT, because I was so large. I showed them to Dr. O'Neal right off the bat at my initial consult. I said 'See how full these are? I want them gone'. He said, 'They're not that full'.

Again, when he was marking me up for surgery, I pointed them out and asked him to be aggressive. He just wasn't and he left me looking like a before picture.

I never wanted to be Barbie. I just wanted a flat tummy and my lumps by my hip bones gone. Happy to be a size 10. I didn't get it.

I don't even know what is fair to go in and ask him to do to fix this. I would like the lumps gone. I don't know if he can just do that with a little lipo, or if he'd need to cut out more by the hip bones (I feel like he should). I also want my implants in the pockets properly.

I would like opinions, please.
Shreveport Plastic Surgeon

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