I have set the appointment for Nov 22nd. I go in...
Two of my friends have had saline and switched to silicone and say they wished they hadn't wasted time with the first set. Hmmm. I kind of want the high, hard softballs.
I also have the nice little skin flap that comes after having 3 babies. Its all dimply and droops down over my pants. Its yucky and I'm constantly fussing with my waistband to "nestle" it back into its place... Gross.
I felt like I don't deserve to even consider having that repaired because last year I gained 15lbs. I told the Dr. that I need to loose the weight and I'd probably be satisfied. He said, go for it, try hard... but the only way that is coming off, is with my help. Hmmm
He also said this "I can make you feel beautiful in a 2 piece" ... those words haven't stopped ringing in my ears since.
I scheduled for both!
Half the money already paid and 17lbs lost!! I am committed. I am supported by loved ones. I am ready.
I fear lots of things... How do I scar? Never had a surgery of any kind. How will my man react to me having scars in place of droops and dimples? Is it a good trade? How will I feel when I look in the mirror? Are my expectations realistic? What kind of pain tolerance am I going to discover I have? Will it be enough? Am I doing the right thing going for it all at once?
So much running around in my head. Today, I had 2 people I love and respect say how happy they are for me. So pleased that after wishing for it for 18yrs, I am allowing myself to do it. That helps lots. : )
I was reviewing my bid this morning and see that I have had my mind set on an amount that is NOT accurate. I somehow remembered the added TT (which cost appx 6K more than my first bid) as making the new total 16K but in fact it is 19K for the works. I just cant roll with that amount. It was a real stretch to allow myself the TT and the extra 4K in the first place. I'm SOOO bummed. I had gotten excited about having it all.
I have sent an email confessing my error to my Dr. I plan to go back, re-evaluate what is the most effective plan for ideal results on my actual budget... But keep my date.
Here is a new picture, same pose and taken in the same place. It shows how hard I have been working to lose my weight and "earn" my procedures. Some of you may think that is silly, but, it helps me to feel more justified in spending on myself.
Weight Drop Double Check...
He still feels that a mini TT is all that is warranted, but that the upper ab area will need lipo to match the results he achieves below my belly button. The breasts are a sure thing. I have no doubt that I want the lift and fill. What I did decide to alter was my request to reduce some and be a full C. I can't do it. I have always been the girl with the boobs. I love them, I love how they look in clothes, I love how they make me feel. I want to keep my big boobs. I just want to also love them naked. He says that the lift may take me down to a D, but with the implants, I could very well be back up to DD. We have to see how the reduction goes, but NO C.
He was very complimentary this time. I wonder if he saw my last post and picked up on how much I liked that in my friends Dr.??? Smart fella : ) Well, it worked. I am renewed in my faith that he gets me, my desired results and my fears.
As for the $$ concerns, we kind of agreed to both give in a little. While I do have some guilt lingering about the selfish, major expense... my amazing husband has given his full support.
Its on. I'll work to maintain 135, earn the remainder due in cash, and look forward to Nov. 22nd.
Little visit to the BIG city... Vegas
Her stomach is soooo flat it is unreal. Her scar is SERIOUS too. It is truly hip to hip, and close to 1/4" wide. She is still super strict in her scar regiment so she uses silicon strips regularly,which leave it really bright when she takes the strips off. That said, she had just removed them to show me and it was PINK.
I get so afraid. I already mentioned I've no idea how my body will heal. Seeing her undressed really gives me as big a thrill at the beauty as it does anxiety about the trade-off. She also let me feel her stomach - DANG - it is sooo tight!!
As for the boobs, they look amazing in her clothes. The scars are trivial at best (no lift) and they sit right up on the ribcage like I WANT. Stunning.
Things I didn't know...
there is a visible ridge she called "the shelf" that the Dr builds to support the implant. I kept thinking I was seeing a shadow on one of her breasts... its that slight. She said no, it will diminish but is deliberately built to hold stuff into position. Hmmmm? First I heard of this.
Her Dr said "no underwire ever again"
This to me is inconceivable. I've always worn the wire, I can only have pretty shape with the wire, I love the secure feeling the underwire bra offers.... NEVER???
Does it interfere with healing? Does it irritate/hurt the scar? Will I learn there is life after underwire that doesn't need to be tucked into my pants???
Lastly I was busted for being a "showboat" while drunk in Vegas. I mean that I was strutting around actually saying that "that guy totally wants to make out with me" loud enough to be deemed an ass. Needless to say, I got scolded by my amazingly tolerant husband for being rude, and disrespectful. (FAIR!!) and after I apologized over and over, I kept thinking... what is this about? Do I need affirmation so bad I act rotten even though I have a hot husband right there with me? Is this a symptom that should be addressed by a shrink rather than a surgeon? Am I a "type" of person who spends thousands to gain approval? Am I lying to myself that I just want back my 20 year old beautiful boobs and pre-baby stomach?
Is this the head trip everyone suffers before indulging themselves in a spendy and vain procedure?
Ugh. My head spins from thinking to much sometimes.
Feedback on any or all points is appreciated.
To move up the date, or not...?
I am gaining soo much helpful information from you all, THANK YOU!! I love the lists of suggested supplies to have on hand, and the detailed accounts of your feelings, pre & post op. Both Physical & emotional.
I have been trying to plan. Plan for the surgery itself; by writing questions down as they pop into my brain. Keeping a list of the items you all recommend. Reading here a bit each day.
I have also been trying to plan/prearrange for ease of the family while I am down. Holiday meals, gifts, party planning etc. Plus all 3 of our kids have their birthdays in Nov. My current date (22nd) will have me drugged and likely at my most needy for my daughters sweet 16. A mere four days later my baby turns 14. The oldest boy will be the only one who has a fully functional Mama for his big 21st bday... this has me reeling with guilt.
What was I thinking?!?! Sure we CAN work it out. My husband is the best but is there a better option?
Fortunately, my Dr has the POSSIBLE, not certain, option of moving my date up to Nov 4th. Which means, assuming I will be able to go out by the 15th, I could manage all 3 birthdays!!
I felt a rush of panic when she said "yes, I may be able to move it up" followed by some relief that it isn't for sure, and that I honestly made an effort to serve all of the kids as well as me.
Now, its out of my hands and I can simply let things unfold as they may.
Hello? Is this thing on?
I am reading here about 30min each day. I am so grateful for your honest stories about the feelings you are having before surgery, and the physical details after. You are providing me relief when I see I am not alone in a feeling, raising questions I didn't know to ask my surgeon, and generally helping prepare me for the best possible outcome. I thank you.
I do have a few questions for you...
Has anyone out there had the same combo as me; Breast Lift, Implants, MiniTT and Lipo(upper stomach) ??
Did you use a recliner too? (lots of TT's on here, less mini's) Is the recovery as intense as the Full TT sounds like it is? Or, does it compare to the Breast surgery?
How many days should I count on being 100% down and out?
I go on Monday for my PreOp and have a firm date now, of Nov 22nd.
Looking forward to hearing from you!
I am excited for this part. Up til now I feel like the Dr has been super nice, fun to visit with, but vague about details.
I am most excited to see pics of his work and point out what my dream results are, and ideally, hear that they are a reasonable expectation for my body.
Details of my PreOp
I was told to expect a 45 min apt, we took 2+hrs! I didn't realize its ok to sign in the moment and read them at home later then email your questions. I am new!!
I brought my list of questions and got most of them answered. I still feel unclear about a few of the vitamins that should and shouldn't be taken from now until surgery... I work with a nutritionist and take lots of supplements. Fortunately, she doesn't settle for "I'm not sure" like the Dr's nurse did. My nutritionist says "I'll research and follow-up"
I looked at a pic of the Dr's work on a girl built like me after her mini TT:
low scar, flat tummy, nice bellybutton... all good stuff
Then the pic of a girl built like me after her BL/BA:
a HUGE improvement, scars that were not at all awful, and pretty shape on the lower portion. BUT, too much "natural" droop for me and not enough upper fullness.
Fortunately, I was able to tell him that!! I really want high on the ribs, firm, softballs... I want to take my favorite bra off and have them look as close to that as possible. I don't wear pushup bra's so I believe this to be a realistic ideal.
Dr H seemed to really hear me, he was receptive. Believe me, I will say it again and again when I go in for the surgery.
Because I have never had surgery and have a recollection of being allergic to perkesette(sp?) he is so careful of avoiding me having a reaction we are doing a test dose ahead of time to confirm if I can take the demarol without vomiting. That is such a relief because I do NOT want to throw up with a fresh suture.
Now I countdown. I am serious when I say I get a massive, definitive wave of "I am crazy! I can't do this!!" then in another moment "Oh man my boobs are going to be what I have wanted for 20years!!" It will be a challenge not to exhaust my family with all these emotions. I'll need you guys.
Today, I feel like cancelling the TT portion...
However, I went into this determined to have the boobs I left behind for my beautiful kids. NOT a bikini body. I was wooed into the possibility of both. The kids birthdays start on Friday, and that reality has my wallet feeling pinched... which reminds me just how much I am taking selfishly. Add to that so many reviews of women saying they are surprised how puffy they still look after. How they thought the results would be more profound.
I'm definitely torturing myself with the possibility that the RIGHT thing, is to do what I set out to... Get stunning new boobs, and if in a few years I want the TT, I can do it then.
I also feel tremendous relief that the kid felt like my priority, NOT my surgery. I hope that with each passing birthday(2 remain) this relief grows and replaces the guilt.
They are a wonderful distraction. Rather than planning, cleaning, prepping, cooking etc. I am planning birthday outings, special meals, perfect gifts. Generally delighting in doing for my babies... MUCH more comfy than focusing on me.
Thanks for being there with me : )
Over the denial stage, on to power prepping...
I scrubbed the shower and shower curtain, washed the bedding, cozied up the recliner with sheets/blankets, filled the refrigerator and I have made a lil surgery survival book to help out those, helping me. The cover is a calendar of who is helping me which days and where the kids need to be.
Inside is the Cosmetassure (in case of emergency), the post op apt card, the instructions for each procedure and what to watch for as well as what NOT to eat and a smoothie recipe from the nutritionist for healthy food options as I heal.
This way things are all available at a glance without being spread out all over the counters creating unnecessary hubbub.
I notified clients that they will need to reach out to my partner for 2 weeks and now... I just put out the positive vibes. All be well, surgery be smooth and predictable, recovery be swift, and family members feel up to the challenge.
wed night shower day 5 post
Im soo happy!
I really itch and im still swollen & have a drain until monday but...it is all good.:-)
drain free & feeling great
I have the green light to begin massaging my boobs. Super syched that will relieve some tightness, increase mobility, and make them look even better(not that i am complaining now!) Doc says as long as im off pain meds driving is fine, stretching is ok but dont push it. No excersize yet and check back in one week.
Truths: this is better overall than i hoped for. This was worth every penny. I am glad I read RS regularly to prepare & seek support. I am glad i did not buy everything suggested by other RS members. A solid support person is a must for 4 days, absolutely. Walking still comes slow, and a tiny bit hunched but if I take a minute & relax i can really stroll fairly straight up. A lil activity requires a followup of a lil rest. Oh, & as long as you keep taking pain meds...keep taking MOM...for real :-)
2 Weeks Post Today
Today marks 14days for me. I got out of my CG & showered, all by myself, washed my hair even! I went down our stairs and put the CG into the wash and feel mighty independent.
I added 7 new pics for you. Note that my stomach looks less puffy... is it because its early in the morning? or is it because I am 2wks in? who knows, just glad to see steady improvement. You might also note that the boobs have changed. They used to look very boxy. Now the upper corner has subsided and the bulge is only in the underarm area. It is pretty firm along the scar especially under my right arm. I sent a note to Dr H to ask if I should be massaging that. Perhaps I am developing scar tissue under there. Maybe that is just the bruising gunk all collected? Anyway, I am not worried, but, as long as I have no pain...if I should massage, lets get started.
I had my first moment of feeling defensive after a remark from a friend. She said that my waist looks tiny and how many inches smaller am I now. Hmmm, he didn't alter my waist. I lost 20lbs by sticking to a rigid 500cal diet for nearly a full month. It just reminded me that I better get used to all kinds of weird comments. I better get a thick skin. I need to decide what to take the time/energy to respond to & what to ignore. Some will speak from an anti surgery position, some jealousy, and some plain ol' innocent curiousity. I need to be mindful to keep my head right and not add emotion to each event.
Still trying to drink oodles of water daily. Its great for weight maintenance anyway, but, I suspect it helps to flush the system and keep swelling at a minimum too.
As a small sidenote... I feel dizzy today????
Best to you all on your path towards personal satisifaction.
It is making my skin sooo upset. I have excess itching from the tape, and when I remove it there is a raw angry spot that burns. Its kind of like a scrape you know??
What should I do? Stop taping? Different tape?
I appreciate your advice.
5 weeks post
no more fatigue at all - I was wearing out really easily from just a little activity. However the past few days, hosting 25 for a sitdown supper & the following cleanup was a snap.
still sore - when I wake, it feels like when you are nursing and the baby slept past feeding time... sore, engorged, tender. I found that if I do a massage before I get up, its much better
*SIDEBAR* my Dr has his patients do a 5 for 5 style massage... five positions for five seconds five times a day for 5 weeks
First press down from the top of the breast, careful to feel the implant move
Then up, then each side... the fifth movement is a pinch. Grab the breast at the outer edges and squeeze the thumb and fingers tight, as if trying to touch them together. He said don't worry, you wont pop the implant and yes, hubby can do it too.
CG/tenderness relationship - I have gone without the garment lots this week. I find that I am tender and sore by days end. I also believe I look more puffy. I really want to find the right one and wear it for months. I like the security, the freedom from soreness, and the resulting appearance. I tried a Large "TC" leftover from the closet... too large in the middle and too tight on my chubby thighs!! I ordered a spanx thong style with open bust... not nearly firm enough. I will return that and buy from a post surgical site. I wish someone sold one that is open bust, super firm hold, with open/close crotch for bathroom breaks, and a lace transition from a thong to the top of the thigh. There are tons of options with parts of that combo but I haven't found one with all.
appearance - healing steadily. I am not sure how quickly scars should flatten or vanish so I can only say I remain pleased and hopeful. Still have stitches in the belly button.
itching - I was convinced I was reacting to the tape, but, as time passes I am certain I was wrong. That is healing from the inside out causing all that glorious itching. Keeping the nails trimmed is key.
intimacy - resumed and all is well, although I will add that I find that I am focusing on whether or not I feel a twinge of stomach or breast discomfort rather than the opportunity to connect.
emotionally - I am scared that the breast Doc added a larger implant to is not settling in to match. It is distinctly harder. I am terrified that I look like I am gaining weight. Is this a mental thing?? The stuff that is "made" looks so good that the rest pops out as shabby? Is it the inactivity for 5 whole weeks? The scale says all is well, but my eyes don't see it that way.
sharing - I am unsure how to respond to compliments. Do I confess? Am I an over-sharer if I do, or a liar if I don't?
I see the Dr on Monday and will likely get the scar maintenance plan then. I'll update after the visit.
Best to you all
As the weeks go by and the dropping is theoretically occurring, I find myself getting worried.
The shape isn't settling as round. Look at my pics. See the gorgeous full round tops high on the chest just like I asked... now follow the outer line(armpit side) down to the underarm scar. Notice how there is a hollow area? Is that normal? Will it fill in with the implant once it fully drops? Dr H says the fullness on the actual underarm scars may still absorb, or may be left over fat from my original bod that may need to be lipo'd (Oh no!) I continue to do the aggressive massage with a tennis ball to try to get the right implant to detach from the muscle combined with 3000mg of Vit E. I need reassurance that this happened to you and turned out great, or, that I have a situation.
To add to this...
A dimple developed this week over my bellybutton : (
I'm counting on you ladies, please help.
2 mo post appt this morning
Right away I liked this Dr.'s style. I had been to see another fellow, he was too polite and modest for me. I went with my friend to meet her surgeon, he was extremely complimentary about her body, touched her a lot and seemed to really feel he could get great results. I couldn't get passed the crud stain on his white lab coat.... I kept thinking "infection"!!! Then I met Dr. Haeck. He is funny, almost casual but without loosing my confidence in him. He seemed to me, for lack of a better description... Real. I like that in a person. I also had the good fortune to know a girl who had the same work done by this Dr and her results look great. Her boobs especially turned out how I am hoping mine will. This coupled with her high praise of him and her ease of recovery sold me hook line and sinker.