Warning: This is my only outlet for talking about...
I have finally set the date for my surgery! February 17, I will be getting breast implants. I can't even understand the different emotions and thoughts this makes me have. 80% of me is extremely excited. I cannot wait for my new body and to finally have boobs for the first time in my life! I've been flat chested and my chest has not changed since I was 12 years old. For my entire life, I've had to avoid strapless dresses, low cut shirts, and bikinis and bras with no padding. I've had ex-boyfriends and cruel friends poke at the fact that I have a pretty severe "bubble" butt (which I have come to embrace and love) for a petite white girl, but the same chest as a 13 year old boy. I've had to watch every inch of my body mature into a grown woman, but watch my chest remain the same and make me feel like I'm still a child and be self conscious in bikinis and never go anywhere or let anyone see me without a padded bra. But in 3 (what seem like very long) months...I will finally have balance to my body. My breasts will poke out with my butt, I can look in the mirror and see a woman. I'll know what it's like to wear a sports bra...and not have to place padding in them to hide the fact that my chest is the same level as stomach. I'll get to have cleavage! Glorious cleavage.
But there is 20% of me that is scared shitless. I'm in a medical field, I know what anesthetic death is, and I know it's possible. Rare. But possible. I know there is a chance I go too big (not big enough isn't even a fear...I'll be happy with any sort of definition in my chest) and maybe won't look natural. What if I don't respond well to the implants? Even though I have total confidence in my surgeon...what if they don't turn out right? I've decided to go for the tear drop shaped implants. They go better with smaller frames like mine, look more natural, and my surgeon is certified in placing them and prefers them. However, because they are shaped...if the inside cut is wrong and one is out of place...I'll have lopsided boobs!
Now...I know the 20% portion of fear is irrational...lopsided boobs? Really...no. My surgeon is confident, his previous work looks amazing using the tear drop implants, and apparently what small amount of breast tissue I do have...it is perfectly symmetrical and he said multiple times how excited he is to see the end results on me. But I'm a woman...so it's in my DNA to drive myself crazy.
Honestly...the biggest thing that is driving me crazy...the wait. The long...drawn out...wait for my boobs. So many things are happening before February that I owe so wish I could have boobs for...the military ball, my work's holiday gala, new years...it'd be so great to wear dresses that subtly show off my new figure! But alas...next year will have to be my year of sexy but elegant cleavage for special occasions. Then there's the bra issue...holy crap I need new bras. My 32AA push up wires are poking through, the straps are getting stretched and the push up action is depleting with each wear. The infamous gap in between my body and the bra is getting more and more noticeable. Usually at this time...I'd be hitting up VS and Macy's for 1. a 32AA bra, and 2. a sexy 32AA bra...not one for teenage girls. But I really don't want to go buy new bras I'm going to not be able to wear in just 3 months (hah...I love how the long 3 months quickly turned into "just 3 months"...I'm a nut). Plus my mom is flying in to help care for me for the 2 weeks after surgery...and since marrying a Marine and slowly moving from the east coast to the west coast state by state over 3 years and only seeing my mom once a year for a week...getting to have her around for 2 is an all new level of excitement. My dad was going to come until we both realized how awkward it would be for him to be caring for his youngest child and only daughter and her new boobs. "Hun...make sure you wear your surgical bra...it's time to massage your rock hard new boobs!" no thank you. My dad and I are close...but not that close. I don't even think he was ever told I had a period. I assume he figures I've had one by now and that's enough for the both of us. God help us both when I get pregnant one day. My poor masculine daddy.
I think my husband is excited...but he won't admit it to me. He of course tells me he loves me the way I am...he married me...flat chest and all. I believe him, I truly do, and when I tell him this he says "So why do you want this?" After being asked this several times and giving the same answer of "It's not for you...it's for me. It's what I need for myself." and still being asked the question...I finally responded with "Because it's not fair for you to have a big dick and me have small boobs."
He hasn't asked that question again since.
I am wondering if this is starting to become an unhealthy obsession. I mean...how much can one think about their future awesome boobs before it becomes weird? I should probably keep this part of it to myself, but I'm just so incredibly curious if I am the only one who constantly thinks about the surgery like this. Perhaps it's because I had to schedule it so far out? With work, the holidays, and my mom not being able to come until after January, February was the closest time I could have it done. I will acknowledge that since scheduling the actual date...my anxiety about when I'll get it done has decreased tremendously. There is a date to look forward to. I have a countdown. Now I just have to keep counting.
3 weeks away...still can't decide size...
I'm nervous still about choosing my size. At my consult we initially decided on 350cc....but...unlike most women getting Brest implants...I'm scared of going too big. I have a small, toned athletic frame. I'm terrified that I'm going to come out with breasts that look too big for my body. I want people to assume my breasts are just naturally awesome...not it be obvious that I have these ginormous fake boobs.
I keep looking at pictures of those with similar frames, and it seems like most of them went with 300cc, some with 350cc and I keep leaning towards 300cc. Honestly...I'm not at all worried about my breasts not being big enough. When you don't have any breasts at all in the first place, any type of breast size is good enough! I'm sure I'm going to drive my surgeon crazy not knowing what size I want...but I have faith that when I explain to him that I want a natural fit, he'll make the right decision on what size I should have.
It's so freest rating waiting right now...at least before I was still saving money so the mindset was "well I can't have the surgery now anyway cuz I'm still saving" but now my "boob account", as my husband and I have come to call it (we opened a checking account specifically for this surgery haha), is where it needs to be, so now I just keep putting the 1600 a month away just because we can, haha. We've decided it'll be used for vacations, but first....bras!!!! I can't wait to buy bras that don't have padding. And a swim suit. I'm going all out and getting some high designer shit too. Haha.
The more I think about it the more and more I want the day to be here. I'm not even nervous about the surgery...I'm not nervous about the post-op pain either...I just want my new body!
The only thing that sucks about all of this is I won't be able to go to my boxing lessons and classes for a while. My body is perfectly toned and muscular...I hate that it'll partially go away and I'll have to build it back up. But hey...a toned muscular body with boobs...way better.
I will add pre-op and post-op pictures later when it comes closer to the date!
Anyone else have any advice on size? And also prepping for the big day? I don't have kids, and my mom is actually flying in for a couple weeks to help me out since my husband will be way too busy with flight school to fully help me out. I haven't seen my mom in over a year...so that's another exciting event I just have to keep waiting for!
1 week until pre-op...12 days until surgery!!!!
Anyways....I feel like when my mom arrives, that's when it's all going to fly and everything will happen. My friend said "in 2 weeks, you'll have boobs." And it made me super excited.
I'm almost getting annoyed too...I've been waiting so effing long. Since September when my date was set! Geez that was so long ago.
I'm ready though. Just need to figure out the size next week!
Post-Op Done...4 days out!!!!
I've decided on the textured anatomical shape, the more in the middle/front and center profile, sub pectoral, and I'm giving the surgeon the range of 300cc-350cc. He knows what I want and trust him to pick the most natural but flattering look for me and my body.
The surgery is super early...6:30am, which I've been working nights for so long...I haven't woken up that early in years. So, it'll be tough, but so worth it. Plus I get to go back to sleep anyway, bazinga! Sheldon Cooper, I love you.
They gave me this pre-surgery drink that contains electrolytes and such that is suppose to help me not feel so icky when I wake up from not eating and what not. I hate eating or drinking when I first wake up, especially that early, but this is suppose to be a very helpful drink, so I'll just suck it up and chug it down, haha.
So far, if anyone is looking to get breast implants in San Diego....Faces Plus is the way to go. The staff has been AMAZING, so kind, so patient, and extremely comforting and informative. I'm confident that I'll be happy with my results, but of course I'll post more updates after the surgery.
I'm extremely nervous about the pain and discomfort after surgery....any experiences of how bad it was and tips to stay the most comfortable (like the wedge pillow tip I've gotten...bought one today!!! Haha) are greatly appreciated!!!
In 12 hours....I'll have boobs.
I have to wake up at 4:30am to make sure I finish this pre-op drink (essentially pedialyte with an added twist of curving hunger) that the anesthesiologist helped invent, pretty cool. I told my surgeon that he has a range of 300-350cc to place in me,I trust he will give me the best size and most natural look for me! Sorry if I already posted this, I don't quite remember if I did at the moment, I don't remember much right now.
I spoke with the anesthesiologist on Friday and she made me feel very confident in her and how comfortable I will be. What's sad....I am more scared about the stupid IV catheter than anything else!!! Guh, so weird.
I will updated as soon as I feel ok enough to, and pictures as well!!
Hopefully it will be over before I even know it!!!!!!! Aaaahhh :o
First day of surgery...ouch :(
My surgeon ended up going with 350cc textured anatomical submuscular and all I know is his head nurse told me "oh my goodness Liz...they're beautiful!" So I seriously can't wait to see them! Haha I can say that from what I see through the bandages, the size is exactly what I wanted!
He used a local anesthetic for me so I'm still pretty numb around the incision area but it's just the muscle that is very sore and I just don't use them.
My words of advice to those who are about to have their big day: let go of the reins and let your caretakers take care of you! It's hard for me, because I am usually the caretaker, lol.
One other thing, get one of those straw water bottles so you don't have to lift it too much. :)
I'll update more as time goes on!
Thank you all for the words of best wishes and encouragement.
Day 2 Post Op
One weird thing I've experienced is a burning sensation in my nipples. Like....pretty severe especially when I walk to get up to go to the bathroom. I'm not sure if it's because the bandaging is rubbing on them or if it's my body healing. Anyone else feel this during their healing? I'm going to my pre-op check up in an hour so I'm sure I'll have some questions answered then.
Ugh I can't wait to get this tight ass bandage off, but then I know it'll probably hurt like hell haha.
My appetite is pretty much normal even immediately after surgery I was chomping down some saltines. My anesthesiologist did great with making sure I had anti-nausea meds.
I did have to take some of my oral Zofran (anti-nausea) because I didn't eat immediately before taking my Percocet last night because I thought I would have been ok. Luckily my mom stayed out on the couch with me (we have a big sectional) and immediately got the medicine as soon as I said I didn't feel good. So definitely will be eating before taking any medicines!!!
I'll update how the post-op appointment went and maybe even some pictures! Not sure if I'm ok with posting full nude boob pics, but we'll see ;) haha
I'm so glad I found this site....everyone has been so wonderful and supportive and I wish you all the best of luck with your big days! I hope my sharing of my experience will help someone and if anyone has any questions, please feel free to PM me!!!
Post-op peek was a fail
They told me it was pretty normal for people to be feeling that way for their post-op after a car ride. Luckily we are only about 15 minutes away and as soon as I got there they gave me stronger anti-nausea....unfortunately in the most embarrassing way possible (I'll leave it up to you to use your imagination). However it worked really well.
Unfortunately, when they took off the bra and bandages I was just so groggy and nauseated I didn't even open my eyes! :( I do get to shower tonight, so I'll get to take a peek then. ;)
Day 3....getting restless.
Although the shower felt good.....I got really nauseous after just a minute or so of standing. Luckily my husband was in there with me and could help me sit on the ledge in the tub. I'm definitely not as itchy but I always get so freaked out when I get nauseous because I HATE vomiting and I can only imagine how painful it would be right now.
I've been sleeping better at night and able to lift my arms a little more. Honestly, the worst pain I have are my nipples. Mainly my left breast still. My surgeon said it was normal because the nerves and such are healing back together. I've heard of women losing feeling in their nipples after surgery, I wish I was one of them!
I'll try and post pictures today with my surgical bra on. :)
3 days post op pictures
My mom redid my pony tail and I am able to continue my skin care regimen (I'm in the sun a lot, so I'm very sure I take care of my skin by washing it and applying good facial creme) which makes a world of a difference in how you feel. I took another "bird bath" which is basically sitting in the run of shallow warm water and my husband just gave me a bit of a sponge bath.
My Boxer was so sweet, she would follow me around, staying right by my side and I did get a little wobbly at first and she even let me use her to catch my balance. She didn't even eat the crackers I had fallen asleep with in my lap! Big accomplishment for her. Haha
I've been able to decrease my medicine from two Percocet to just one, and only 1/2 Valium for during the day so I can stay awake. The pain is still there but very bearable so at night I'll probably take 1 1/2 and a whole Valium.
I go back to see my surgeon on Tuesday and I'm not sure if I should ask for a small refill on meds just in case? I've read a lot of ladies having sharp pains continuing for about a month after surgery and I would hate to get stuck with nothing to help with that. I just figure I'll see how I feel on Tuesday.
I'm a little worried I'm not going to have as much cleavage as I had hoped for with how they're looking right now...but he surgeon did say that I should develop more as time goes on. I think the most swollen area right now are my sides...and man are they sore and ice feels sooooo good on them. My left nipple is still extremely painful with that burning sensation anytime I try to move my left arm. I was hoping it would be getting better but it doesn't seem to have changed at all.
Will update more after my next post-op and continue with more pictures each week!
Hallelujah no more nipple burn!
Well, my mom and I finally decided to take off my surgical bra and see what was up and also check to see if my incisions look ok and that there aren't any bruises or hematomas forming. It turns out it was chaffing! There was even broken skin around it and it was slightly bleeding and it was so red and swollen!!!! I grabbed a sterile telfa pad and placed a small amount of bacitracin on it and then placed it on my nipple and then put the bra back on. OH MY GOODNESS it's like night and day. I can't even describe how good it feels to not have my poor chaffed nip rubbing and rubbing and swelling more and more. It's the little things in life....lol
I was able to help take my dogs outside, it felt good to get outside and get some fresh air. Staying inside it a really big challenge for me being so active and constantly outside. Super funny awkward moment: a neighbor saw me and said "I haven't seen you in a few days! Did you get a facial?! Your skin and hair looks great!" It took every part of me and my mom to not laugh...seeing as how I haven't even washed my hair since the night before my surgery (February 16)....and I've only washed my face with exfoliating skin wipes and put my lotions on, lol. Just a moment to help really pick me up when I started feeling really ugly and just icky during the recovery process.
So....I am going to go ahead and post pictures of my breasts. I wasn't really sure if I wanted to at first because I'm an EXTREMELY conservative and private person and am not one to even post selfies on Facebook, haha, but I'm loving how they're looking so why the heck not!
So to any other ladies out there....if you have the burning nip...it might not be muscle or nerve pain....make sure it isn't nipple chaffing!!! Haha
4 days post Op pictures
P.S. This is very hard for me to post pictures of my boobs on the internet....be easy on me. Haha
Help - Am I rushing myself????
I felt so good today, I went ahead and took my Boxer (Tori) on a short walk and took another attempt at a shower. If you haven't read about my first shower attempt....here's a quick recap...it was terrible. I got really light headed, nauseous, and my husband ended up having to basically hold me up and carry me to the bed so I wouldn't fall and hurt myself. As you could imagine, he really didn't want me to try again...haha but I have just been going stir crazy lately and felt disgustingly dirty and depressed by having to just lay around all day. My husband kept the tv off and made sure to listen out for me if I yelled for him, but it turns out I did just fine! I finally shaved....which all women know that alone will make you feel 1,000x better, and I could even wash my hair by lowering my head down and making sure to not stretch my incisions or cause any muscle pain. Weird part was...the more I used my left....the better it felt. I have a very toned upper body due to boxing and weight lifting so my surgeon said that because it was all so tight (being so small chested, skin being tight, and muscle being so toned) that I will either A. Have a slower, longer, more painful recovery, or B. A quicker than usual recovery because my muscles have more blood flow to them and they're used to being broken down after each work out and repairing themselves.
It's looking like I'm going to have a faster recovery....but I'm getting nervous that I'm doing too much too early. I'm notorious for blowing off injuries and healing time in the past (I broke my jaw when I was 18...the very next day I was out and about doing the exact same activity that I broke my jaw doing, I broke my knuckle when I first started boxing....waited 24 hours...and then went back to boxing...fractured the ball of my foot when I used to run cross country...never even stopped to let it heal...so basically...I'm an idiot and a doctor's worst nightmare) and this is something I do not want to screw up and make them distorted or have complications that make it so I have to have re-corrective surgery because I've moved around too much and the implants get misplaced or something. But the shower really helped loosen everything up....my back has been tight and getting those painful knots from leaning up for the past few days and I sink down when I sleep and that makes it hunch over, my legs have been tight from not being used and I can't sleep with straight legs so they've been in a bent position 90% if the time. I made sure to use cool water, not hot because I read in the "operator's manual" of breast implants my PS gave me to avoid hot tubs after surgery....hot shower seems to be in the same category to me. Surprisingly the cool water felt great. It even helped some of the swelling around the side of my ribs go down for a little bit.
Is 4 days a typical length of time to be able to start being a little more independent or am I rushing this? Should I continue to not get up on my own and use my arms to lift glasses and such? I'm still wearing the tight band around my mid-boobs and of course my surgical bra. My incisions aren't bruising at all and no signs of hematomas.
I won't return to work for another 2 weeks due to the risk of a large dog jumping on me or me being dumb and attempting to perform CPR on a large dog and rupturing something and my surgeon wrote my boxing instructors a note instructing that I am to do no sort of upper body work outs until mid-April, so I made sure I couldn't repeat my history of saying "I'm good, let's do this!" way too soon.
I've stopped taking the Valium during the day because it makes me feel nauseous if I can't sleep after taking it and I'm not trying to sleep all day and be awake at night. I've also cut down the pain meds from 2 Percocet to 1 during the day and 1 1/2 at night.
I guess I would just like it know anyone else's experience and time table of how soon they were able to be over the "I need constant assistance" post-op time.
Ok...this belly is getting old
Never have I ever had someone think I was pregnant. I've always been too petite and athletically toned for anyone to think that! But also...never would I ever ask someone that question unless they were my friend and just said "hey dude I'm preggo".
It doesn't help that I'm still getting used to these boobs being on my body, a belly poking out so much that people think I'm preggo and some of my cuter/tighter sweatpants bands don't fit, my side muscles around my chest area are still swollen as hell and the side of my boobs are still swollen and sticking out more than they're suppose to....it almost makes me feel like I look huge. I feel like such a shallow bitch saying that...I've never been one to ever judge someone on their body and actually in high school and college I was a traveling public speaker with a group that talked to teenage girls about not teasing someone about their body and the mental damage it can do to some very beautiful people, since I was a victim of pretty severe "itty bitty titty committee" and rumors of anorexia bullying. But it's a lot harder than I thought it would be to go from a flat chest and stomach and athletic body to these big swollen areas on me and a poop filled belly that pokes out awkwardly like a ball is under my shirt.
I keep looking at all you other ladies on here and y'all look so good! You're tummies are flat, your side curves still show and aren't swollen and you're all so beautiful with your new bodies! And here I am; a swollen, poop filled belly ball. Haha!
Please tell me this passes...it's almost like the mental part of all this is more painful and difficult than the actual physical pain from surgery! I know I don't regret getting the procedure...but I do wish that the first time my husband saw me nude for the first time I looked way better than I do now. :\
Life lessons are hard....and painful
Well....if you're about to get your BA done soon and have always thought to have a high pain tolerance....please read this....don't be tough. Don't be a hard ass. No matter how tough you've been or how high of a pain tolerance you've had your entire life...give that up when you get this surgery.
I started feeling great yesterday. Showering in my own, doing my own hair, making my own meals, getting dressed myself. I even started weaning off my pain medications thinking I didn't even need them anymore. So, yesterday, my day went like this: was driven to CVS by my mom and told I looked pregnant, took my dogs on a long walk doing some walking lunges, high knees, calf raises, and still squats here and there to try and keep up with my leg strength. I'm using my leg muscles right? No harm. After the walk, I then accompanied my husband to the grocery store, thankfully not being asked how far along my poop baby was.
I was helping out, picking up half gallon milk cartons and putting them in the basket, but keeping it close to my body....it didn't hurt...so I was fine, right?
After the store, we attend a small get together BBQ at our neighborhood pool. I'm talking, I'm laughing, I'm feeling good! In the middle of the party, I get a call from a friend whom knows about my surgery and she is a very close person to me whose been so incredibly supportive and I haven't gotten to see her since before my surgery, so my mom and I decide to go see her and and we meet her and her mom (who is also visiting and I'm so glad because I haven't seen her in ages) for a good smoothies/juicing bar (figured a good juicing would get my digestive tract continuing to move along since I had finally successfully reduced the size of my pop belly). Then after a good hour of talking and lots of laughing, back over to the BBQ where we hung out for another few hours. Throughout this entire time I took minimal pain pills so I would not be groggy and could enjoy myself. It was a great day, just like my typical social life! I was out of the house, I was being good and still wearing my surgical bra and the snug white bandage (wore a loose fitted thick t shirt to hide the shape of the bandage and my new size) and no one even noticed a difference, which is good because this crowd I don't want to know - too many judgmental women (military wives - some are amazing, some are gossipy mean girls). I was so happy. "Breast augmentation....not that bad....4 days out and I'm back to my old self." Is what I kept thinking.
Holy crap. I am stupid.
It started with the hiccups. Yeah...hiccups with new breast implants....not fun. Extremely painful. They were extremely violent too...like my entire body would convulse. Of course, the group I was with had no clue about my BA surgery so they're thinking I'm being this huge baby about having the hiccups....grabbing my chest and saying "oh....ow!" every time. The gossipy mean girl wives started migrating away from me, I even heard one say "I thought she was suppose to be this tough outdoor hunter chick...yeah right." But whatever. The hiccups became more and more often and more...I don't even know what to say but...bigger. Like my diaphragm felt like it kept coming up higher and higher. My husband and mom quickly hatched an exit strategy and we were out of there in no time. The hiccups got so bad, and so incredibly painful, I vomited. Luckily after we had left the group. Some people we didn't know were walking by so I'm sure they thought I was that drunk chick puking in the bushes. Not gonna lie...kind of made me smile and want to laugh. I don't know. My sense of humor is weird. Anyways. Ladies....I've broken my hand and kept punching a boxing bag the next day...I've broken and displace my jaw and was high fiving the EMTs when the ambulance arrived. For me to vomit from pain is a pretty bad thing. I literally thought my incisions were ripping open. Every hiccup it's like I could feel them getting even more open. My chest muscles felt like they were being shredded....I can't even describe the pain that something as simple as hiccups made me experience.
We got home and I couldn't even speak but "Valium." "Get." "Valium" thinking and hoping that since it was prescribed to me to relax my chest muscles, it would relax my diaphragm. My husband crushed it up, placed it in a small amount of water and gave it to me that way so it would get into my system faster. I have no idea if that really works....but it made him feel better to try and help and I think it made him feel "I am man, I crush your pill with my fist!"....he's so adorable.
Anyways, the Valium worked. I took 2 Percocet for the muscle pain and laid down and they placed ice on the top, middle, and side of my boobies.
My hiccups stopped. We called a nurse friend who worked with BA patients for years and she said that I basically over did it. I pulled a typical "me" and thought I could be tougher than the surgery. She ripped me a new one that's for sure. That's what good friends do. They let you know when you're being a dumbass.
I feel so stupid. And it doesn't even stop there! Why am I writing this at 3am? I didn't set any of my pain pill schedule alarms to wake up and keep up with them because I figured I took so much Valium (turns out my hubs decided I needed 1 1/2 instead of 1) and Percocet that I'd sleep through the night. Nope. Woke up from the pain. Luckily I slept in the bed tonight with my husband instead of the couch and is smart and had a few crackers, pain pills, and Valium ready for me. At least this time he didn't crush it up ;) I even asked "what, no Valium soup?" Hehe
I'm sitting here in tears just realizing how stupid I was to try and do my normal social activities all at once in one day. I did not have a single moment's rest. That's how I've always been with everything - go go go, work out, go to work, exercise the dogs, clean the house, cook dinner....and I'm an extremely independent person. Hell, I'm a Marine wife, I gotta be when your husband can be deployed at any minute and won't be around to do those little hubby stuff for ya. But my husband isn't deployed, he's here to take care of me, and this surgery healing isn't anything to rush. And it's not worth being miss tough gal and trying to avoid pain meds and messing up my results somehow.
Rest. Even if you feel good after day 5, that's great. Do small things every day, sleep when your body tells you to, and take the medicine they prescribe to you for a reason. I'm just praying I don't somehow mess up anything. They are looking better! The swelling is going down, I am starting to see cleavage, and my incisions have no bruising at all. But I'm using this as a life lesson - slow the eff down. Enjoy the relaxation. And for me: get over myself.
1 week post op pics
It's about to get personal....but this is necessary
This is one thing I wish my PS would have warned me more about is the constipation that happens. It doesn't matter who you are, how "regular" your digestive system is...you will be severely constipated. Unfortunately I did not think to look up any tips on ways to make things move along and I had to come up with little aids on my own to finally make it so I had a bowel movement. Unfortunately, because I waited 4 days to even worry about it since I was distracted about my excitement of boobs and taking care of them, I had an extremely painful, difficult, and really traumatizing first bowel movement after surgery.
So, the following are tips that I hope any lady about to go through her procedure will follow immediately after surgery and not wait 4 days later:
1. Drink a lot of water. A lot. I would have my 12 oz water bottle filled up 6 times a day. I peed every 2-3 hours. This helps keep fluid in your digestive tract.
2. Get up and move as soon as you can. Don't do this the day of your surgery, obviously, but as soon as you can walk successfully without feeling nauseated or dizzy, walk. Have your caretaker stay by your side to help keep you balanced, but do a high knee walk. Every step, bring your knee up as high as you can, preferably to the point where you can feel it in your lower abdomen. Also do some light walking lunges. DO NOT GO LOW, just go low enough that you feel some pressure in your lower abdomen. Don't exhaust yourself, I only did 5 minute intervals every 45 minutes and this was on day 4. So if you're smart and you start this on day 2 or 3, only do maybe 1 minute intervals every hour or so.
3. Lay flat on your back and have someone very lightly massage your lower abdomen. Have them find your hip bone, move towards your middle by just lightly pushing down alternating each hand. Do this on both sides. You'll actually feel things moving around, and the person massaging might even feel some hard things....that's your poop. Lol just FYI: you will pass gas during the belly massage. Don't hold it in....fart your little heart out. Gas escaping means things are moving in the intestines which in turn means poop is too.
4. Take stool softeners. Start these on day 1 if you can and aren't too nauseated and your PS says it's ok to. If you don't....you'll basically be pooping what feels like rocks. That doesn't feel good and is actually what makes most people's first BM after surgery so painful.
5. Drink coconut water. This is a natural laxative that won't cause painful cramping like over the counter laxatives will. Make sure it's coconut water, not milk. And make sure it's coconut water from a young coconut. I know some people hate the taste of it, but Zico brand makes a chocolate flavor that seriously tastes like chocolate milk. Coconut water also has a lot of electrolytes and potassium, it's good stuff. I drank about 3-4 glasses a day for the laxative properties to work but not make it so I would be having major diarrhea 3 days down the road.
6. Snacks like grapes and almonds are good for your digestive tract movement. Also high fiber veggies.
7. Probiotics help keep your gut flora balanced while taking antibiotics. This not only helps with female flora issues but also a great way to prevent diarrhea after the constipation passes.
I hope this helps any ladies getting prepped for their big day or any post-oppers having these issues! I know it's a topic not very pleasant to talk about, but that's what this forum is for and hey....none of us know each other's identities so it makes it easier to talk about typically unacceptable social topics ;)
Bye bye bras!
I went through all my old 32AA and 32A bras and swimsuits last night. I took one and held it up to my new girls and was just amazed at how tiny my bra looked. And the one I used I used to think looked bigger than my other ones! For even more fun, I went ahead and put it on and walked out into the living room where my mom and husband were watching TV and said "well at least I fill out my bras now!" After a few second pause of "what da faq?" looks from them, we all started laughing hysterically. It felt good.
Because I don't like to just throw away things that don't need to be thrown away, I went through my bras and inspected them. I actually really only had 3 main bras that I wore all the time because they were the only ones that wouldn't cause a gap between my body and bra, so I had about 10 bras that I had only ever worn once or twice and were practically bran new. I placed all the barely worn bras in a bag and we are going to donate them. The bras I wore more than a few times....my husband played tug of war with them with our dog! Then we put one on her and had another good laugh.
It kind of makes me a little nervous that I have absolutely no bras to wear, even sports bras because there's no way I can fit into those anymore, mainly because I used to never go without a padded bra on to hide how flat I was. I just keep reminding myself that I have to wear these surgical bras for another month or so until I can even get sized and buy new bras that fit me.
After a day of rest and an evening of goofiness and lots of laughter with the two people who have been there for me through this entire experience, today I feel much better. I'm still going to keep it minimal....I'm not that stupid to put myself through another experience like this weekend!
I go to my 1 week post-op check up tomorrow, so I'm excited to hear about how everything is going and have some questions answered about my implants maybe merging closer together.
I would normally never talk about this....but I just gotta know....
I just have to brag. About my husband. Like seriously, dude is so cool. I woke up with him this morning at 4:45am (ok lying...my digestive tract happened to wake up at the same time he did...what a wonderful good morning, honey! But I'm just glad things are moving along again) and get this...he's getting ready for
his first flight in a F-18. That's so freaking cool. I mean, he's flown trainer jets already but this is an F-18! Heh. Cool. I guess I should explain that it's such a big deal that it is finally happening because he's been training for this for 5 years now...mainly because the Marine Corps has no money and takes so long to their freaking jet pilots through training...but anyway...back to my stud of a husband. He keeps telling me I'm not allowed to call him a fighter pilot yet, because he's still in training. That's the other amazing thing about him; you how know usually fighter pilots are known for a reputation to be total arrogant assholes who think they're the baddest men to walk the planet...well...my husband doesn't have anywhere near that state of mind. He's an officer, but he respects his enlisted Marine brothers as equals, even with more respect, because he knows without them, there would be no Marine Corps. He always makes sure to stop and thank anyone he knows who has enlisted and served this country and tell them what an important and amazing person they are. To me, that makes him so incredibly amazing. I'm just so proud of everything he has accomplished to get to this point of finally getting to fly an F-18. So basically, I have a humble, respectful, supportive and an incredibly sexy muscle stud Marine of a husband who looks like he should be an action movie star.
Ok...now that you're rolling your eyes and thinking "duh bitch all women think their husbands are this awesome", which is a good thing, I'm done bragging. And there's a reason I'm so ga-ga over the hubs right now....I need me some husband and wife time. It didn't really work out well for us in that department leading up
to the surgery. 2 weeks before surgery our work schedules had us not even seeing each other awake for at the same time for 5 days and, as luck would have it, the week before surgery I had my stupid girl time of the month...and then obviously no action happening this past week since my surgery! There's only so much a gal can take....or not take for this matter. I can't imagine how my husband is feeling too with the long stretch of this dry spell.
So my question is this; and sorry for getting so personal....but how much longer until I can use the new girls in the bedroom?! I'm still having pretty severe pain in my left breast and my husband is so terrified to hurt me he hasn't even been wanting to hug me lately. Even the usual kiss goodbye when one of us leaves to go somewhere is like a pathetic little peck. So I highly doubt that even if I threw myself at him tonight he'd hold his hands up and yell "I can't touch you, you're hurt! can't hurt you I can't hurt you!" It doesn't help that he is just a solid muscle and very strong and much bigger than me (I'm 5'2", 115lbs, he's 6' 4" 200lbs) so I'm sure that doesn't help his mental state of not wanting to hurt me and my breasts.
I'm just wondering how long I have to wait until it's safe to possibly get them bumped and do the bed time cha cha but also how long this whole "I don't want to touch you because I'll hurt you" throught process lasts with other husbands or boyfriends? I do want to ask my PS tomorrow at my 1 week check up but I know I'll chicken out because I'm actually very shy and a very private person about my love life so I figure I can ask about it on here since it's all anonymous haha.
Any suggestions about first time after, expectations, etc would be very helpful!
Shopping....way more fun with boobies!
One huge Jump today: no more ugly awkward white band! I'm so glad because it was so hard to hide the shape of it under clothes. We did discuss the nipple chaffing; it's normal and I did the right thing by covering them with adhesive telfa pads, but now I actually need to de-sensitize them. Apparently breast feeding women do this too, lol. I basically just need to rub them with some lotion or Vaseline and get them used to being rubbed on after they were stretched pretty far so he said it'll help the nerves not be so sensitive as well.
I was happy to be told that over the next few months my implants will eventually move more towards the center, so they won't be as far apart as they are now and I'll have some gorgeous cleavage according to my surgeon. Woo hoo!
We talked about why I'm still having such pretty severe pain. All you muscular girls out there....read this. He explained that I had highly developed, thick muscle tissue for a women. Typically women have very thin muscle tissue around their chest because it's just not in our DNA. Well, apparently it's in mine. My family, my parents, my brother and I, are all very muscular and toned naturally without even working out. It's just always been that way. But because I box, I weight lift, and my genes, my muscle tissue was thicker so that means there was more to cut, more to damage....more to heal. So, if you're built up well in the chest area due to working out or genetics, submuscular placement will be very painful. I'm glad I did it thought being that I am still petite and it gave me a more natural look. I was instructed to start using my muscles more, but slowly. He gave me some exercises to do, called spider wall climbs, which you place your hand on a wall and do like a spider climbing action with your fingers. I'm to do it twice a day, only going as high until I feel a pull. Then I slowly go back down. Apparently each day I'll notice I can go higher and higher up the wall. You do it facing forward so your arm is to the side, then facing the wall so your arm is in front of you. I did my first set tonight and although it hurt like the dickens, laying here relaxing now I can feel a difference in the tightness not being so bad.
I can finally start taking ibuprofen, which is wonderful because it'll help a ton with the swelling. It already has (I took some as soon as I got home) and it'll also make it so I don't have to take my strong pain meds as much or if at all.
Ok....now to the fun part of my day. My mom and I went shopping. In the past....I hated shopping. Especially for tops. All the cute, slightly sexy adult ones that a women in her late 20s would wear would never look right on me with my flat chest. But today....I love shopping!!!!!!
I bought some adorable tank tops, the kind that are loose fitting with the razor backs and I could never wear without a bra showing (I used to hate having my bra show....never thought it was very appropriate) but now...all I have to do is wear a cami tank under and holy crap....I have never said this about myself in clothes before....I looked amazing.
I ended up getting a little emotional. But happy emotional. I tried on a dress with triangle top that again, could never wear with no boobs....I wore it. And it fit me. And I just lost it. I finally looked in the mirror and saw a women. Trying on clothes meant for women her age. I didn't have to go to the junior section and get the shirts that had enough coverage to wear a bra.
I have been very discreet about my surgery, only telling very few people, so it was kind of hard today to walk out of the dressing room in the dress to show my mom and start crying and explain to the store clerk why I was. Haha. I have never felt sexy and beautiful before. And today, putting those clothes on, I did. And it felt awesome. Now I just have to wait to get out of this damn ugly surgical bra so I can wear the stuff!!! Haha At my 3 week post op if everything looks ok I will get to start wearing soft bras, no wiring, so I figure that's when I'll go and get sized.
It was a good day today, and it's only going to keep getting better!
Oh and just for those interested....my husband rocked his first flight today and even got to go super sonic. Such a bad ass. Haha!
Yay clothes with boobies!
I also went through some of my tops I already have to make sure that they still fit and also some I bought a year ago that I could never wear with my flat chest just because I knew one day I would get a BA done haha. I was really happy to find out that a lot of my tops I have still fit...and some even look better! Some however, although they look amazing, I will have to wear with a sweater or jacket over them or only them at the beach haha. I like how my breasts look in clothes, they don't look too big and they don't look fake. They look like they just belong on me...and they help balance my bubble butt. Haha..which is what I wanted. :) Everyday lately I keep getting happier and happier that I finally made this decision!
I actually am meeting with my father in law tonight who is in town on business....I think I'm going to wear a loose fitting shirt...not quite ready for the news to reach that side yet...haha!
Withdrawals?! Please help!
Lately I try to take the Motrin to see if that'll keep me comfortable and able to function through the day and today it covered the pain and I didn't need anything stronger. Yay! So I went ahead and put away all the heavy meds into our "eventually take to a drug recycle program day" (I did want to keep them around just in case the severe muscle pain came back if I overdid it...again) like they have at pharmacies so you don't flush it into our sewage system (I don't know if that's an urban legend or not but who knows....might as well play it safe lol)
However....I have had hot flashes all throughout the day today and my nose has been runny and I've been feeling very just...blah. Like I don't want to do anything. Which is not normal for me at all! Normally I am a go go go and let's go hiking and let's go for a walk type of person. At first I started to freak out that I was getting sick with something pretty serious because I felt so bad, so I started researching the possibilities of getting the flu afterwards due to your immune system maybe being vulnerable with having to go through the healing and after typing in my symptoms.....get this....they match exactly the physical withdrawal symptoms from strong pain killers!!!!! I'm thinking...what the hell?!....only addicts go through that right?! Only people who like...take way too much and use them to get high. I'm not addicted to them, I don't get any mental changes from them so I've never understood the hype about them, I don't want to take them if I'm not in pain....so why is my body reacting this way?! Plus I only had to take them for less than 2 weeks, I don't feel like that's long enough for my body to get used to having something, but then again I've never had to be in strong pain killers for longer than a few days before.
Has anyone else gone through this?! Do I need to do some sort of weaning?! If this will only last a few days, I mean I guess I'll feel like crap for a few days but I just don't know anything about this.
I'm scared to call my PS because I don't want them to think the wrong impression of me...I know prescription drug abuse is a serious issue in this country and I'm not trying to be labeled as some sort of drug abuser, especially since with my professional license I handle controlled drugs. I don't need any type of "oh look this chick went through withdrawal" on my medical record ya know???
I'm probably over reacting, and maybe the hot flashes and feeling icky and the runny nose are all just ways of my body healing? I just don't know what to do....
Should I call my PS or just let it all be?
I feel like there's something wrong...
Well, it's 3am and I jumped up (or tried to, it was too painful) from a sharp, searing pain in my left breast that started in my nipple and spread all throughout my breast and up into my collar bone area. Almost like where all the muscle that was cut is.
I've been putting ice on it to try and help it go away and I took some Motrin hoping that will cover it. It's been over an hour now and I'm still almost in tears. It's just this constant sharp, searing pain. It doesn't even do a wave pattern like "ouch! Now I'm
Ok. Ouch! Ok"...it's just constantly there. This is essentially the pain that had made it so I've continued to need the Percocet. My right breast is fine, no pain, some slight burning sensation that they told me is from the nerves healing. But with my left breast it's the burning and the muscle pain. Sometimes it's like I'm back at day 3 of surgery. I've noticed the muscles are a lot tighter when this happens, almost like if they're contracting and staying contracted. I'm left handed, so I'm assuming I had more muscle built up there so it's going to take longer to heal. I've also refrained from using it because it's been in so much pain. I've been doing my exercises that my PS has instructed but other than that I really try to avoid over doing it with my left arm.
I don't want to take a Percocet, especially with how I felt today when I didn't take one. Ive tried to take my mind off the pain and do some research on physical withdrawals and it turns out your body can become dependent, even if you're not abusing the drugs. This can happen in different extremes of people. Some people can take them for months, stop when they're in pain and be fine, and others can take them for 2 weeks and their body just gets used to it. Of course my body is the dumb one that gets used to it. The research did calm me down especially since it happens quite often in post-op
patients and doctors are usually understanding and don't jump to the conclusion that you're an abuser.
Here's the bad part: I have 6 Percocet left. If I keep having pain like this....I'm going to either have to tough it out like I'm trying to right now (which sucks. OMG it sucks. It's taken me over and hour to write this review and I'm on my phone) and be in pain, I don't know how long this will last. I have a very high pain tolerance....and this is making me sweat. Or I call my PS, explain to him what's going on with the hot flashes and runny nose and feeling icky, but also explain that I'm still having severe pain episodes in my left breast and would prefer to not have to deal with them on my own. Even saying that in my own head sounds stupid. I normally can sit down and gather my thoughts and come up with a solution....but right now with the pain and this whole situation that I've never had to experience is just....I'm baffled. Just completely stumped.
I know the best thing will probably be to call in 4 hours when they open up and try to schedule a meeting and see what the people who are medical professionals say, but I'm just scared of either option. 1. Yes, your body become physically dependent. You have to face the withdrawals and the pain in your breast on your own. Or 2. We prescribe more pain medication that you clearly have a legitimate need for and only take it when necessary, but yet continue to possibly make your body's physical dependence worse.
Wow. Both of those sound great. FML. Seriously. FML. Everything was going so great and this bullshit happens.
Another bitch fest - I'm a side sleeper. I want nothing more than to be able to curl up on my side and just go to sleep. I hate sleeping on my back but it's still too painful to sleep on my side.
Blah! I want to just scream obscenities at my situation right now....and I can't even curl up on my side and cry. I have to lay on my back. Stupid boobs. Stupid drugs. Stupid pain.
Yay for a rainy day!
Thanks Valium....reading is knocked off the list for the day.
I think I am going to go ahead and email my PS nurse and explain to her what's going on. I always feel bad calling, they're such busy people. I might wait until I can read more than one sentence though. I might write the same sentence over and over!
How to answer "are those yours?"
Anywho....as I'm walking the dogs, my boxer decides the rain is fun! She starts zooming around, stomping in puddles, putting her face in them and blowing bubbles, and even running up and down the part of the road where the rain collects and floods....awesome. I gave up trying to stop her seeing as how there was no one else outside and ill just have to use the big blow dryer on her, haha. Plus she was having so much fun!
As I'm watching her and laughing, a neighbor/military spouse acquaintance happens to be walking outside to her car. I'm not gonna lie....I totally tried to hide. It's not that I'm antisocial....but I'm not quite ready yet for people to see me in clothing that something is obviously different.....especially a gossipy hen....who has seen me in this exact rain coat before....
She of course sees me, walks over to say hello, and we laugh at Tori, discuss events coming up with the squadron....yada yada awkward small talk. As I think she is about to leave and I'm in the clear for any comments about the fit of my coat....I hear "So....um....are those....yours?" And she is like....motioning towards my boobs!!!!!!! I'm stunned. I don't even know what to say. Like....who asks that?! I'm not very close to this person....we see each other occasionally at squadron events, have small talk and have never even gotten to truly know each other ya know?! Like....who does she think she is asking such a personal question?!
I knew I had to think quick, so I smiled and said "are they mine? Well, they're on my body....so in hope they're mine!" with a huge smile on my face and laughed it off. Almost as if she knew, my boxer ran over, soaking wet, and shook off right in of front us! She held up her hands, as if that would stop the water from the dog (and the water falling from the sky....as well) stop from hitting her, and said "on that note, I'm gonna go. Bye!"
I knew I was going to have to face "the question" at some point in the near future....especially when we have squadron pool or beach parties and the bikini comes out...but I thought I had a few more months to I dunno....come up with better, more clever, answers?
Is it wrong if I lie to people and tell them that they're not breast implants? I feel like I need an answer that makes it so I'm not lying....but I'm not telling the world that I had this surgery.
I know I am probably over reacting with not having people know about my surgery, but I decided from the beginning that because of the negative views of some that breast implants have and to be completely honest, I don't feel it's anyone else's business what I do with my boobs, unless I've decided to let the few people that I've told to know. I also would like to avoid lectures of "the dangers of breast implants" from people who think thy know what they're talking about (and yes, I had a person, who I thought would be understanding and supportive, literally tell me 'women who get breast implants have an 80% more risk of getting cancer than those who don't. And they're going to cause you back problems. And silicone is a deadly item.' lecture, and it took every part of me to not laugh and tell her she's a moron) or get the "I would never do that to myself" comments.
All you ladies who are months post-op and started off with nothing, how have you handled the "are those real?" Or "are those yours?" Questions???? I told my mom about my incident today and she said I handled it beautifully, but I feel like I can't have my dog rescue me by shaking water all over someone when it's asked, haha.
It'll be 2 weeks post-op this Monday! I can't believe it....I honestly feel like it's been longer so I have to remind myself that still having these pains is probably normal. I also think they've changed so much within the last week...will post pics so it can be compared.
2 weeks post op today!
I'm glad the pain has started to stop, but I'm still wishing I could get a full nights sleep. I'm actually starting a new job with day time hours and switching from night shifts to day shifts is not easy. I've started going to bed earlier with the help of the Valium, and waking up earlier (not counting the 2 or 4am wake ups haha) so it's steadily getting easier. Luckily they're giving me until March 17 to start and I'll still have limited restrictions then....can't go lifting 70lb dogs on a table like I used to and wrestling with them too. It'll be really hard for me because even though I'm small....I work out to make myself strong....I've even had some guys ask for help lifting a dog and I'd lift it on my own. Heh heh. Men.
It's getting better though, and that's all that matters!
Tomorrow I take off my waterproof steri strips and if I don't have scabs, I start using the scar cream my PS highly recommended to me. They showed me pictures of results on types of skin that normally scars easily and you didn't see anything! I'll post a picture on here if anyone scars easily, I'd recommend it. I'll also keep up with scar pictures while using it to show how it works for anyone coming close to the scar cream time. I usually scar pretty easily so let's hope this stuff works!
I'm able to reach high above my head now....but slowly. My right breast muscles are like "yeah I'm ready to go!" And I have barely any nerve pain, mainly the middle of my breast feels like it has road rash when you touch it but that's about it. However, my poor left breast muscles and nerves.....they hate me when I do my reaching exercises. I have to move really slow and not have any weight to come down with. I tried to get some bowls down for the salads at dinner last night and I would alternate left arm reach, right arm reach, bringing down a bowl. I almost dropped the bowl when I used my left arm, so I decided my right arm would finish the duty.
One thing I wish I could do....stretch out in the morning. You the yawn and stretch your arms up high and push out your legs deal. Can't do that yet with either arm....I have to stretch them down instead haha.
The skin around my breasts is still VERY tight. My PS told me due to my size pre-op and how tight my skin was due to being more muscular, that my skin probably won't stop being so tight for another couple of months. My boobs aren't rock hard, but they definitely look and feel like the skin is tight. This is also probably why I'm having such a hard time with the burning sensation of nerve pain. Patience is so important with this surgery....and I don't have much in daily life so this is hard for me!
I'm going through work out withdrawals. I drive by my gym everyday when we go out to run errands or go shopping, and I see the classes happening and people running with medicine balls and see them beating up on the heavy bags through the window (damn I'm a creeper! Haha) and it makes me want to just run in there and join in haha. I think I'll start doing some leg work and some lower ab work today, just keep it really light. Something to feed my workout craving. Maybe even use some 2lb weights just to do biceps and triceps....maybe. Haha
First day of scar cream treatment!
Bra size discovered....but mom leaves :(
But today, hugging my mom good bye at the airport I felt a strange, unfamiliar sensation rise up in my throat. Like there was a knot in it. I thought "Holy crap....I think I'm about to cry."
Oh boy I did. Quite a good bit too. My mom was in shock I think. So then she cried! Haha!
I think it just really hit me everything that she has done for me over the last 3 weeks, the fact that she stayed 3 weeks and I got so used to having her around. She wasn't my mom....she was my nurse, she was my cook, my shopping buddy....she's my best friend. The house is so quiet today I just keep cleaning. Then I felt the sensation of my muscles twitching so I knew it was time I stopped. Now I'm just laying here...ice on my boobs...my friends are all working, my husband is working, so for the first time in 3 weeks, I'm alone. Normally I like being alone. Hell, sometimes I wish I could be alone more often. But right now it sucks. Haha
It also sucks knowing I more than likely won't see her again for another year. I had no idea how to tell her how thankful I was for everything she did for me during my recovery, so I guess I just had to cry! Haha
Holy crap I sound pathetic. Onto happy stuff....before she left, my mom went with me to a store that does proper bra sizing and it was such a weird experience. The bras I used to look at and think "man those are huge!".....I wear them now! Haha. I'm definitely a C cup, the lady said in some brands that run larger I might be a B, but I definitely am a 32C for the majority of brands. Wow. 32A (barely) to a 32C. It was cool to see myself actually fill out the cup of a bra. I used to never fully fill up a bra cup! I went ahead and tried on some sexier bras....man it makes me excited for the time I'll be able to wear them! She showed me the wireless bras that I'll have to wear in 2 weeks once I can ditch the surgical bra and they weren't as fun, nor sexy looking haha. I bet I can shop around for ones that don't look so....granny like.
Anyone have any brand suggestions? I'll have to go wireless for I believe at least 3 months? Maybe 6? I can't quite remember what my surgeon said (horrible I know, I'll be sure to ask again in 2 weeks at my 1 month check up). So I want to make sure they are at least cute.
Another positive note....although I'm sad my mom is gone....it does give my husband and the house to ourselves again...I have a feeling my husband will find a way or two to cheer me up tonight!
Bikini Time...and other "special" things
I also got an ok from my PS to ditch the surgical bra...no more velcro straps to hide woo hoo! My hubs through it in the dryer after I washed it and now its way too tight, causing indentions from the seam down the middle in my breasts and irritating my now scar incision sites. His head nurse recommended the Genie Bra, or basically a soft banded, seamless bra that won't irritate my incisions but still give me support. It says you can buy it at target, but I couldn't find it anywhere...so I just found a bra that is soft banded, no padding, no wiring, and figured it would be ok until the Genie Bras I ordered online arrives. Hopefully the one I got is enough support. It would suck to mess anything up right now. At least the one I bought feels way better on my incision sites!
While walking around, my eye also caught a little lace bralette. The things I hated and never wore before because I looked like a 12 year old trying to pose as an adult and they were always too big. I stared at it for a minute...and it had matching lace underwear. It is a good color on me...in fact it's the color my husband loves most on me. On sale. Screw it, I'm gonna surprise my husband with a lace bralette and matching lace underwear! I've never worn lingerie for him, or any guy, so this will be a big step for me. Hopefully for the first time...I'll feel confident and looking good enough to stand tall and make his jaw drop, haha! At least that's the brave me in my head...more than likely I'll be giggling, trying to cover up saying "whatcha think?" while blushing all over, haha. But no...no...I need to tell myself I have to bring out the confident, kind of bitchy me that hasn't really come out since I've gotten married and stop trying to impress guys at bars and parties. I used to be that fierce bitch that walked into a room a probably made every one think I was stuck up...though this country girl is far from it, haha. It's a total front that my mom taught me to attract guys, hahaha. It was probably the confidence and head held high attitude that my husband fell in love with and says he still loves when I'll bring out from time to time when we go out... but now it's more of a "yeah...look at who I'm with..." attitude haha. I think I can do this. I mean hell, I never thought I'd get a breast augmentation, definitely never thought I'd post pictures of them on the internet, and definitely never thought I'd be discussing my sex life...but...my rambling tends to get the best of me, and I feel this is my only outlet for talking myself into bringing out the confidence I know I have...just for some reason have never been able to have it without clothes on! Maybe I'll get some wine...Haha! Hopefully he doesn't end up having another rough day of work and passes out as soon as he gets home at 9pm and left at 6am that morning. Then they'll have to wait for another day.
Before? What before?
First workout since surgery!
Ooohhh sore muscles....I missed you
On another note, I think I'm needing to find another soft banded bra to replace my surgical bra that kept rubbing on my scars. The one I got at Target (pictured with my new swim suit) is not doing the job I think it's suppose to. Lately my breasts have been feeling sore and I guess it means I don't have enough support? I have no clue what "having no support" feels like...because I've never ever had to worry abou support for my breasts, haha. So, I'm wearing the small one I bought at Target, making sure it covers my incisions and wearing my surgical bra over it, and I can feel the difference. Even though I ordered the bras my PS's nurse recommended, it's going to take a week for them to come in since I had to order them online (the Genie Bra, even though I know they are sold in stores, I went to 4 places they're supposedly sold and none had my size....geez it's like searching for 32Aa all over again!) so I'm heading to Victoria's Secret today because I saw they had this one online that looked similar to the design of the Genie bra, and I'm going to go ahead and tell the sales lady my situation and hopefully she can steer me towards a good, soft banded, supportive bra. I might end up going for a front closure sorts bra.
Gah, I had trouble buying bras before, but only because I could never find my size (which I might add....I've seen 32A sizes ALL OVER Target and Macy's lately....and NO 32C....just my friggin luck, haha) and now this whole worrying about support thing and especially making sure it's right for my implants deal...it's kind of stressful! Haha.
Anyone have any recommendations on brands or types of bras that give the same support as a surgical bra? I'm just scared that I'm going to wear the wrong kind of bra and my breasts will like migrate to the side or up or something....paranoia of the boobies! Yay!
I figure I can also still use these when I start boxing again.
I also discovered something interesting...when I was small, I was very confined to what type and style of clothing I could wear. But now, even with nice/normal sized breasts...those style of clothing I use to wear when I was small either looks slutty or just not right now. Never once did I think I would be limited to clothing style after my BA. Now, don't get me wrong, my style options have far exceeded the amount I used to be able to wear, but I guess this is another step in the post-op learning time. I have to figure out which styles I can wear, and which ones I should avoid. For example, the types of dresses with layered fabric around the chest area....I would always wear those, because it gave the illusion of breasts. But now I don't need that illusion...they're there baby! Haha so now the layered, ruffled fabric look around my chest just makes me look either huge at the chest, or actually separates the layers so it makes it so the layers are all over the place! Haha.
This entire process is just as mental as it is physical. You have to learn your new body and how to dress it and even how to move around! I tried to squeeze by a tight spot today and boobs wouldn't let me get through!!! Haha
Also, the first time I shaved my legs after surgery, I kept feeling something touch my upper stomach area when I bent over. I kept thinking "what the hell is on my stomach?" Thinking it was a strand of hair or soap or something. I kept feeling it when I bent over, and I'd jump up to try and see what it was. Then I realized....it was the bottom of my boob....hahaha.
One thing I can say for sure....this surgery has changed me physically, in a wonderful way. It has also changed my confidence and how I see myself in a more positive view, but it has not changed who I am. I don't dress differently, I don't act differently...I still wear shirts that cover me (I'm sure I'll wear those tank tops at the beach this summer....but the beach is a totally different atmosphere haha) and even my husband mentioned that he was worried I might dress or act differently. I don't.
I had multiple people try to tell me "you're going to go crazy after this, all you're going to do is find any way to show off your new boobs, wanna go out to the bars and just not be you." Well, they were wrong. I hate how breast augmentation surgery has somehow gotten put in such a negative light and the positive things it does for people has somehow just gotten pushed aside and forgotten.
Ok..I'm done rambling. I gotta go clean the kitchen, ugh. Part of me loves the not working, but the other part can't wait to get back and start my new job! Oh and I can't wait for Sunday....I've gotten tickets to go on a champagne brunch cruise on Sunday that goes around the San Diego bay....and my husband has no idea. He's been so slammed with his flight training lately I want him to have a break and relax...with me. And champagne. Haha.
I just need to get back to work I think. I start in 9 days...and although while having tons of fun this weekend and wishing I had longer, during the week I just feel so bored. So so bored. I'm too active of a person to not be able to go to boxing class or go on an intense hike. I think it would be better if I had friends that weren't working during the day and I wasn't just doing the same activities over and over...walk the dogs, do a small work out, small trips to the commissary so I don't have to carry a ton of stuff at once...it's all so boring!
Hopefully this blah mood I'm in will end once I start working again and being able to go back to my boxing and get to be more active. It seems silly for me to be complaining about being in a place with so much to do, beautiful weather...but it's not much fun to enjoy when you're by yourself. I miss my mom, haha.
My breasts aren't nearly as tender anymore, and I can stretch out my arms without it hurting too much. I even tried lightly flexing my pectoral muscles and it was a little sore, but I can definitely notice a difference from a week ago. I almost want to start doing easy light push ups or something, but I feel like that will do more damage than good.
Ah well, gotta go take the dogs to the park. Although I can't wrestle around with my Boxer like I used to be able to and my husband is working like crazy lately so she doesn't think I'm as much fun, haha. Getting some sun feels good though, goodness knows I've lost all my tan during recovery!
Scar Treatment - 1 week
I still have the outter edges on each incision site that aren't quite healed together so I haven't been applying the gel to those areas but they're looking better too!
Time flies when you get ya boobs!
I started noticing some slight bruising around the rib cage just under my boobs. Really light, but when I would push on the area I did get the "that's a bruise" soreness. I went ahead and emailed my PS' main nurse to ask if this was normal and not only did she email me back within the same day, saying it was probably normal but I could send her pictures (the bruises are so light, I couldn't even get them to show up in the right lighting) but she called back within 24 hours...seriously have never had a doctor's office get back to you so quickly. I even missed her call because a jet flew over and I didn't hear my phone, so I called back and left my name and number....within 20 minutes she called back. I almost wish I could figure out some sort of other surgery....I'm gonna miss these people once my post-ops are done. Haha! Anywho, the light bruising is normal, she explained that there has been bruising below the surface, and now it's just rising to where I can (barely) see it. I'm so paranoid that I'm going to screw something up with these and ruin how good the look...it's like it's too good to be true or something.
One thing I've definitely noticed is they're not as tight anymore. They don't look or feel as tight and they've softened up a good bit. The only "pain" I have is more tenderness...like what you feel right before that monthly time when they're sore. It's been that way for a week or so now, I only take Motrin in the morning, because they seem to be the most sore then...possibly because I am laying on my side and on them, haha. I can feel myself getting stronger each day. It's not as difficult to hold myself up in the position where my arms are slightly behind me. I can scoot down from a sitting up position once I'm done reading and lying down to go to sleep a lot easier, but I still try to mainly use my legs.
I went to the beach yesterday with a friend and it felt so good to get out in the sun and be in my bikini! I just kept being paranoid about my incision site being covered since I know sunlight is no bueno for healing scar tissue. I soon realize after checking for the third time that my scars were no where close to being exposed to the sun. They're in a perfect spot - under enough that you can't see them when I look at my breasts face on, but not enough that they'll ever risk showing when I'm in a bikini - unless I get one way too small...and that won't happen. I told this to my husband and he goes "yeah...Dr. G said he'd make it that way." Like it was no big deal. I tried to think of a witty remark back to defend myself but then fully remembered he definitely said that during my initial consult. Haha.
The friends I have seen since my surgery have all said the same thing "you don't even look like you had surgery....you really just look like you finally grew boobs. They look like they belong on you." My cleavage is becoming more and more obvious though, but in a good way, not too high up so it's hard to hide if I need to in a professional setting, but not so low that it's difficult to show off when the time is right ;) in a classy way, of course. Seriously couldn't be happier with my results!
One more funny note - apparently my dogs have discovered that mom has pillows....both of them have been placing their heads right on my boobs almost every night and passing out on them. I guess they're happy they're there too! Lol
A quick recap of why drugs are bad...LOL
It actually made me feel kind of guilty having put them through this. From the sound of it, I was annoying as all get out, like a drunk teenager who can't hold her liquor or something. It just makes me that much more thankful that I have such a patient and loving husband and mom!
So, here we go...a recap of why drugs are bad (in the most comical sense)
1. Night before surgery:
-very very nervous, took a valium. 30 minutes later, couldn't stop laughing...at nothing. This was the last thing I remember that night.
-Ate the rest of my dinner...with my hands. Exclaiming "I'm better than silverware! Silverware ain't got sh** on me!" when asked to use my silverware. Laughed. A lot.
-Firm instructions to go shower with anti-bacterial soap. I loudly reported from the shower "I'm lathering up my tiny boobies for the last time! No bacteria on them! I can see it that there's none!" Then they could only hear light mumbling...I was apparently talking to myself...geez...wtf?!
-Apparently, while I was showering, our neighbors dropped by to apologize for the loud party they had the other night (never noticed it, but it was nice of them) and brought 3 cupcakes for us. I came out of the shower...singing...they don't know what song. I stopped mid-"lyric" and froze when I saw the cupcakes. My eyes got big. "Cupcakes! Cupcakes appeared! Look! Cupcakes! You made me cupcakes?! Why'd you only make 3? What's weird. Who makes 3 cupcakes? I mean, I'm sorry, I appreciate it, thank you...but let's make like 20 next time. 20 cupcakes. How'd you make them so fast?!"
-Husband tried to inform me that the neighbors brought said cupcakes. I told him he was a liar....5 times. That we didn't have cupcake makers for neighbors. That we only have people for neighbors. This is when he showed some slight annoyance. I do not blame him.
-Ate 2 of the 3 cupcakes. In 3 bites. Apparently they were red velvet with cream cheese (my favorite). I ate my mom's cupcake...I'm a jerk. She claims she didn't want it anyway but I still feel bad.
-I went with my husband (who drove) to drop off our dog at a friend's house where she would stay during the first few days of my recovery. I apparently felt the need to bring along the case that holds her electric collar (which they didn't need...)...and quickly made sure to let them know it was not a bomb in a case. Nor was it the President's "football" (I don't know people...I don't know...).
-Told my friend's husband he was not allowed to see my boobs. But my friend could. So could her dog. Yep....
-During the drive, I turned the music in the car up very loud. After 30 seconds, looked at my husband with a crazy look and said "Too loud! Gosh what's wrong with you?!" After he tried to tell me I did it...I would smile and say "No...you sneaky hubby...you like the umph umph beat of the base! *Proceeded to do "raise the roof" motion*" I feel terrible...my poor husband.
-Got home. Fell asleep for 45 minutes. They both got 45 minutes of peace.
-Woke up with a big smile on my face and decided I had to call my dad, who lives on the east coast, 3 hours ahead of us...9pm here...midnight where he was. He was asleep. He still answered the phone (He's the best...) After informing him I was getting boobs the next day (something I'm sure he was loving to hear from me in the middle of the night) I decided to tell him a joke...a bad one....very loudly. "Two tortilla chips were friends. One was being mean and the other said 'why are you being so mean? We're friends.' the other tortilla chip said 'You don't know me!' and the other tortilla chip said 'Wanna TACO bout it?!' (It apparently took me 4 times to say it without laughing hysterically) and the other tortilla chip said 'I'm NACHO friend!' Daddy isn't that funny?!"....my poor father.
-Finally fell asleep...pretty sure my husband and mom were extremely relieved by this.
2. Morning of surgery:
-(Sober...no drugs on board...no recollection of the previous night's events) After going over the plan for surgery with Dr. G, when he was finished, I held up my hand and said "Alright! High five!" My mom said my husband put his head in his hands and just shook his head. I still don't remember doing this. But I do love me some high fives! My mom still believes I might have been the first and last patient to "high five" a surgeon before surgery. I doubt that though, there are some crazy people out there...
-Waking up from surgery...I apparently asked the nurse to read me what a poster above me said. After reading it to me...which it was a very beautiful quote (according to my mom), I replied "That's stupid." Nice...real nice...
-Apparently I kept repeating "She came at me like a spiiiider. Just like a spider." All you Gone With the Wind fans will know which character I was quoting. Why I thought that quote was appropriate...I'll never know.
-After finally done quoting Mammy's "waitin' like a spider" quote...I looked down. Pointed to my new breasts...and giggled. "Mom...look...boobs...hehehe" So mature...
-Shortly after, I stated I was hungry and would like some food. Mom said I was handed saltines. I whispered "real food...not bird food..." I was told that's all I could have until a little while to make sure I could hold down food and could go home. I huffed and said "Well alright...but only because I like ya." I ate 3. Then 3 more. Wanted gatorade (brought two flavors). Wanted the other flavor of Gatorade that wasn't opened. Husband asked why I stated "because I want to see how different things taste in my belly". Perfect reasoning. Opened up the other Gatorade. Didn't want that one anymore. Wanted water. Ate 4 more saltines. Asked for pizza. Asked for a burger.
-Other things happened too, but I don't need to recount every visit made by each person. Some of it is too embarrassing. It was said, however, that I was the funniest patient so far to wake up. Score! High five!
3. Drive home:
-Kept pointing to food places "Go there. Let's eat!" "No Liz...you need bland food. Sit still." "Your mom needs bland food! Get it in my tummy!" I like food...a lot.
-Apparently loved a Ke$ha song...I'm not a fan of pop music...but apparently I was quite happy it was on. And (tried) to sing along. Clearly did not know the words.
-Pointed to my boobs again. "Hey ya'll look....boobs! Look!" I swear I'm not this annoying in a sober state...
-Heading to walk up 3 flights of stairs, my mom went to help me by holding onto my arm. "Mom...I got this." Went to walk alone...took 3 steps, husband caught me..."See? No big...I got it. Just me and my boobs. You can go rest now. You've had a long day." It was 11am...although they had already had a long day dealing with me, that's for sure.
4. Night of surgery:
-I kept saying I needed to pee. But really, I just kept trying to be alone and get a peek at my boobs when they had strict instructions to not remove any bandaging. Lucky for me, they never left me alone...I just thought I was alone. I'd hunch down and giggle and look to my left...look to my right with a "sneaky grin" on my face...thought I was in the clear and reached for the bandage. When they stopped me I'd look so surprised and exclaim "How did you know?!"
-Every product commercial on TV...I "had to have". After being told no 10 times I finally relented and said "Ok...it's ok...I should have those things....but...I got you babe. I got YOU babe. All I need is love. And you babe. I got ya!" pointed to my husband...winked...and shot a "finger gun" at him. Smooth.
I asked her to stop at this point...I'm sure there's plenty more. Apparently one more late night phone call to my poor dad to tell another bad joke "What's a pirate's favorite letter?!" Dad replied "R...Liz" I replied...in a bad pirate accent "Ya think it be R, but it really be the C!".
What...is....wrong with me? LOL
1 month post op today!
I had a very eventful weekend, shopping for the day with a friend, hiking in the San Bernandinos mountains, a day at the beach, and helping a friend renovate their home! I start work on Wednesday...so today I am enjoying my last two days of boredom and doing house work and just being lazy haha. It's making me antsy but I know it'll only make me appreciate going back to work instead of wishing I had a few more days. Weird logic, but it works.
I've also noticed that I only have small, quick, spurts of a weird tenderness but other than that, no pain what so ever. I really wish I could say I'm ready to go charge in the boxing gym and go at it, but I can definitely notice that my pectorals are not nearly as ready as I am. I have, however, discovered that I can flex them easily and guess what....when I do...my boobs dance! Haha they move left and right and when I discovered this I couldn't stop laughing. I keep flexing the muscles more as mild exercise for them, hoping it'll help. I have no idea if it does, but it's fun and it feels good to be able to do so. Haha.
I go in tomorrow for my 1 month post op and I'm excited to hear just what comes next. Do I get to wear different bras? Probably not. I'm hoping they'll be happy with how my scars look. I think they're looking great but I'm no professional.
Day by day I'm noticing more and more that I have more energy, more strength and the skin around my breasts doesn't feel nearly as stretched as it did just a week ago. I'm excited to continue to see what progress they'll keep making, and even more curious to see how they'll look 6 months from now...which is when they're suppose to be how they're gonna be for good! I'm liking how they are now...so I'm hoping they won't change too much!
Starting work and testing my self control
I'm surprised at how not sore I am though. Working 10 hour days with a physically demanding job isn't easy anyway but I thought for sure I'd be in some sort of pain at the end of the day. Nope. Just the typical tenderness that's been there and is getting better.
My 1 month post op went great, of course. Best part: I was okayed to wear normal bras!!! Of course I went straight to the mall and bought some. And then of course had to show my husband each one. Poor guy....he'd get a huge smile on his face and try to pull me towards him and I'd say "no no let me show you this one!" and walk away to show off another one. Finally after showing him the last one he got what he wanted haha.
However, I did learn that I'm not liking wearing a regular, wire bra for a full day yet. Haha. I wore one yesterday and it was just...annoying. In the past when I didn't have boobs, I thought they were super comfy. But now it just feels different. I'm sure it doesn't help that my tenderness is still around so I bet later on down the road I'll be used to wearing a bra with boobs that actually fill them out.
I had an interesting encounter with an acquaintance who I guess has heard the rumor that "something is different about Liz" and approached me asking "did it hurt? I've wanted to get it done for years but never had the guts to do it." Now....this girl is not hurting in the boobage department so I knew she wasn't talking about that. I smiled and said "did what hurt?" And she replied with a lowered voice "oh, come on. Your lips! You got them done right? Did you go the permanent way or just injections?"
Keep in mind she is asking me this while I'm in a bikini....she's seen me in one before....so I just became stunned silent by the complete lack of simple observation. She of course took this as a "oh my gosh you discovered my secret" type silence.
"I won't tell! I promise!"
The realization that she now thinks my lips aren't real brought me out of my stunned stupor. "Whoa what? No. No. My lips are not through injections or fillers. Just good old fashion genetics."
I'm positive she still doesn't believe me. I'm still wondering how on earth she came to that conclusion?! My lips....you've known me for how long...my lips haven't changed. My boobs have!
The only thing I could figure is that I was wearing slightly colored lip gloss when I usually wear clear.
I guess I should take it as a compliment?
This little interaction just made me even happier about my results. Clearly it's not obvious to those who don't know me extremely well and I feel it's because they look so dang natural!
I think it's obvious how much happier and more confidence I have, people have mentioned it.
My only regret is that I didn't do this sooner!!! But then I wouldn't have had Dr. G as my surgeon so it all worked out how it was suppose to. :)
Pranks are fun...Angry dogs are not
We live in a gated community. Don't get excited, it's an apartment complex...nothing fancy (we live in San Diego...it's hella expensive out here compared to where I'm from...). Anyways, we were given two remotes that open the gates from the outside, and when you're leaving, there's an area where you drive over and the weight of your car triggers the gate to open, you know the black circles and lines you see in the asphalt at traffic lights? That's what they do. You can also make the gate open sooner by using the remote to open the gate. So...unless you weight as much as a car, or have a remote, you cannot open the gate from the inside.
Well, I have off today, and after yesterday...I needed a nice relaxing walk (a nap too...but I'll get to that later) and my dogs always make me happy on walks. So...I grab the remote that opens the gate and we head out.
At the gate, there's a man working on his car. I had the small remote for the gate amongst the tangle of leashes so it was hidden from site, but not intentionally..but worked out beautifully. The man called over to me "Sweetheart, that gate won't open for you by walking up to it, unless you weigh as much as a car." Oh boy...first you called me sweetheart...then you assume I don't know the gate won't open? He asked for it. I then smiled sweetly and asked "What if I jump really hard right here?" *pointing to the black weight lines in the asphalt* He laughed that laugh that some men do when they think they're dealing with a stupid women...you ladies know which one I'm talking about. "I don't think that'll work honey...but you sure can try." Oh you are SO asking for it.
Sooooo.....at the same time that I jump...I discreetly hit the remote button so that by the time I land....the gate starts to open. It was timed perfectly. I mean like...seriously...perfectly. As soon as the gate opens...I look over at the guy and his jaw is dropped. I smiled and politely said "Wow! I guess I can jump really hard. Have a nice a day!"
My dogs and I walk through the gate. I turn the corner and get this.....the guy is over where I was standing in the road...literally scratching his head...looking at the ground...STOMPING HIS FOOT...and looking at the gate!!!!
As soon as I knew I was out of site I laughed so hard. Guy honestly thought I opened the gate by jumping...I'm still laughing. My only regret is that I wasn't able to get it on video. I might suggest to my husband to hide in the bushes...film...and hold a remote and have some fun with people on a Saturday. It'll be like we're in college again!
I needed that laugh. I feel like it would have been a prankster sin if I didn't go through with it. It was just so flawlessly given to me to do.
Work has been rough. Mainly yesterday. I've been doing really well about making sure to not lift or restrain patients who might hit me in the chest or over strain my muscles. My co-workers haven't questioned me about my "accident" anymore and even remember for me and just restrain instead while I'll draw blood or place catheters, etc. Well, yesterday, a large dog was brought in for blood work. The poor thing was terrified and thrashing everywhere. So I went into a quiet room with an assistant, we talked to the poor guy, had him calm down, we got kisses, he wagged his tail. We gained his trust before drawing his blood. I'm glad I work at a hospital that is strictly against using what we call "bruticaine" which is just a made up word for tackling big dogs and just holding them down while we draw the blood or do what we have to do. That's never sit right with me, so instead we take the time to let the scared patients calm down and the whole process is quick and calm and they leave happy instead of even more terrified. That being said, he did have a muzzle on because our safety is important too, and he had a history of biting. It's only for a few seconds while we draw the blood and then it's taken off and they're rewarded.
It was a smooth blood draw, and I got the blood and turned (while on the floor on my knees - this dog was too big to be put on a table..lol too scared too) and while I had my side facing him with my knees still forward, the dog decided he wanted the muzzle off faster than my assistant was getting it off.
He swung his head back and forth...really hard...I know it was hard because his head hit the side of my chest...boob and rib area (he had a big head). OUCH! I mean....OW! Sharp pain all throughout my breast...up into my shoulder, even into the front of my neck. It was almost paralyzing. The only thing I could think of doing was holding my arm out in front of me and try to have his head hit my arm instead of my side again. What's crazy is he stopped as soon as his head hit me. Almost like he was thinking "uh oh...I knocked over a human". Here's where I'm crazy....I felt bad for the dog. He looked so scared and wide eyed at me like he knew he hurt me. So, I just whisper to him it's ok and take the muzzle off and he went back to his owner. (He left happy and wagging his tail. That's all that matters)
I ended up leaving work early my entire chest hurt so bad. I went home, took some motrin and tylenol and applied an ice pack and unfortunately last night I didn't get much sleep. Any time I moved onto my right side I'd wake up from a sharp pain. It's still pretty painful today, but it's gotten less intense. I don't think I see a bruise, but my husband said my skin "looks greenish" around my rib area just by my breast, like where your arm touches when you relax it to your side. I don't see it...but then again it's hard for me to get a good look. I'm sure I'll be ok....just took a good hit. It happens quite often in the vet field so I'm honestly surprised it hasn't happened until now. Know this people....vets and vet techs and groomers have hard jobs...physically, emotionally and mentally. So go easy on them, haha. We're getting beat up throughout the day sometimes! Don't even get me started on angry cats...I'd take an angry giant dog over an angry cat any day, haha.
Other than the hit from the head, everything is going great. I'm becoming more tolerable of "normal" bras, but highly doubt I could ever wear a push up bra (not that I need it...the girls give me just enough cleavage to make me happy!) or anything other than the flat sitting, lightly padded "tshirt bras" that I've been wearing. Actually...the wireless bras and sports bras are almost becoming more uncomfortable than the tshirt bras! I feel like they squish the girls haha.
This entire journey has been so short really...just over a month...but I feel like I've made such leaps and bounds since coming home that wonderful day of surgery, haha. I feel better about myself, I enjoy getting dressed, I even look better in my scrubs! Haha. And don't even get me started on the confidence I have now gained in the bedroom (and other places around the house too...hay-oh!!! That might have been too far...I apologize...but I'm still keeping that comment on here. Virtual high five!!!!). My husband even mentioned that he notices a difference and loves that I'll finally let him look at me with my shirt off, haha.
To all of you who have upcoming surgeries, are thinking about surgery, or are in the process of recovering days or weeks after....I hope your journey has a happy of an ending as mine has! I'll continue to update my steps of accomplishments like going back to boxing...how they look 6 months from now versus how they look now...etc. but it feels so good to know that there's no way it can go wrong from here (I'm canceling out the random whacks and hits I take at work...let's not focus on the painful negatives here) and just want it to get warm enough again to rock my second new bikini! It's pretty freaking awesome...at least I love it. Haha My husband calls me "the girl on fire" when I wear it (oh yes ladies...my hubs quoted Hunger Games...but he didn't even know it...he thought he was being creative and made it up on his own hehe). You'll understand when you see the color scheme of it in the pictures I'll post later on :)
Warning: overthinking and confessions....and my new crazy nickname story!
I hate telling this to people because I had one person tell me it was ridiculous that I let something as simple as breasts effect me that much about myself. I have always been confident in my personality, intelligence, and mental health....so I feel like it was more than just the breasts about the physical parts, but they were a huge part of it. I feel like I see so many tall, thin woman will small breasts who walk proud and confident and can look so sexy still so I often wondered, and for a little while after my surgery even, "if they can handle it, why can't I?" But it was recently that I realized its because they look proportionate, balanced, and elegant and grown and sexy because of their height. For me, I'm short, I have a tiny waste and chest frame, and waste down I'm curves. My body wasn't finished, is how I always felt. Sure, I would get told I was pretty, but never believed it. I never could believe my husband when he told me I looked sexy. That was a word I was never called until I met him, really. I was always "cute" or "pretty" or "nice looking". Never before my husband, even long term serious previous boyfriends, did a guy ever tell me I was "sexy" or "gorgeous" and I honestly believe it was because I already look young in the face...and my flat chest made me look even younger. What guy wants to tell a really young looking girl she's sexy? (Unless he has some gross fetish...in which case he should be locked away...but anyways...)
Ever since my surgery, I get compliments....from all kinds of people. Trust me, I didn't do this to get hit on....I'm happily married to a stud who out studs all the other wanna be studs in my eyes, plus a lot of the compliments have come from women (some straight, some not...doesn't matter to me haha) nor did I do this to get more compliments, it was strictly for me, myself and I. But I feel that because I do receive more compliments, my theory before had to have been right. I even receive more respect from strangers, like out in public while shopping or even interacting with clients, they treat me as an adult, will listen to what I have to say, and have adult small talk with me. Seriously before, I would always be told I was way too young to be married. I'd tell them I was 25 or 26 or 27 and they'd go "oh...you look like you're 18!" One time I was shopping for a dress for the Marine Corps Ball and was asked which high school homecoming I was going too....wtf. A year ago, I had a client tell me "I want to talk to an adult about my pet....not some 17 year old high school student" (it felt good to inform them I was a 26 year old licensed technician with a college degree...heh heh) That client wasn't the only one, though. So many didn't want to have me talk to them about medications and such because they thought I was so young!
Don't get me wrong, I am far from being too into myself or think that I'm some super model, because it know I'm not. I don't want to be. However, I don't wear as much make up because I used to use make up as my "aging tool to look older", which my hubs is happy about since he loves me without make up and I have already been told that I do walk with my back straighter and my head held high when I walk into a room full of people. I used to try and hide in the crowd and not make my presence known. In just a month....just a few weeks really, even before being complimented by people and treated like an adult, I've made such huge leaps and bounds in my confidence levels. Sure I still wish my hair wasn't so frizzy and I didn't get the under eye circles so easily, but I feel as though my body is complete, so those little things just don't matter as much.
Sure, some have told me it's ridiculous and I should have learned to love myself for how I was....but I did that for 9 years since I was 18, and it wasn't workin! Haha.
I always feel like it's hard to describe to people why I did this surgery and how much it has just change me for the better (especially in my marriage, my husband loves my new confidence) and after a family member really hounding me about getting it done and just saying to me "that's not a logical reason to me", I finally decided that I don't have to explain myself to anyone. It's perfectly logical to me. This was for me, I know why I did it, and I refuse to have to explain myself. That is a big reason as to why I don't like to tell anyone about my breast implants....it's just so frustrating! Haha So is writing this review on my iPad. Seriously if autocorrects changes one more word into something totally random (like for example; it changed "going to be" to "Tokyo"....what?!)....I'm just going to leave it be. Have fun interpreting that, ladies, haha.
So funny story time and how I have my new work nick name, which I love my co-workers for laughing about it with me.
I was talking with a client, a beautiful black woman (I'll explain why that is an important fact in this story soon, lol) who just had a warm loving look about her, I love clients like that haha and in the middle of me explaining how well her dog was doing, she said "I need to ask you something...my son over there....would you like to date him?"
Although her son was quite a handsome guy, I smiled and said "if I weren't happily married I would love to." She laughed and then said this....and I quote "I normally wouldn't think that he'd go for a....wait...are you white?" I replied "Kind of, but technically no, I'm Native American and Mediterranean" she carried on without skipping a beat "Well, normally he don't go for thinner girls, but he saw you and just couldn't take his eyes off of you. To be honest, I think it's because you have the body of a black woman."
"Oh...I...wow...thank you? I'll take that as a compliment."
"It's meant to be one. Not many white girls got a hind end on them like you, thin little waste and even more curves up top, you even got lips on ya. I mean your parents gave you some good genes! Well you not white, really, but not like it matters anyway. You know what I mean."
"No mam it does not, we all need oxygen and we all bleed red. All the same in my book."
"Aw damn, why all the good ones gotta be married?!"
"Mam, you have made my day. Now let's get back to your dog..."
It took me a few more moments for her to get back on track with me, but I couldn't stop laughing! A co-worker overheard and of course had to share with everyone else (I wasn't going to say anything...I was a little embarrassed she overheard haha) and next thing you know I'm being called "black beauty" for the remainder of the day. Apparently everyone there has a nickname as a right of passage and a sign that "they're in"....and I got one after just 1 week! I can't decide which makes me happier, being told what I was or knowing I'm truly accepted and liked by my new co-workers with a ridiculous nickname. (Leaning more towards the co-workers thing)
My life is so random....haha.
Scar treatment update!
The inside area of each scar is practically disappeared. If you look closely you can see a fine line, but you need a lot of light and good eyes. Eat carrots!
The areas that were a little opened towards the outside area of each scar is still a little pink, but they're looking better each week. I've also added a regiment of applying non-processed coconut oil in the middle of the day to make sure they stay moisturized. And yes...this means I have a little stash of coconut oil at work...I discreetly apply it in the restroom. Creepy right?! I always feel like the weirdest weirdo in all the land of weird and creepy and inappropriate things, but whatevs...at least my scars won't look weird.
They're actually still kind of tender? Not sure if that's normal...but the other day I was doing a quick adjust of the bra (I was at home...geez I don't go that far at work...only applying coconut oil to my breasts. That's where I draw the line.) and as a kind of pushed on the scarred area it was a little ouchy. Not ouchy. That's not the right word. Dammit.
This might take a while to think of the right word.
Annoying? Kind of. Like it didn't hurt...but it didn't feel good. Uncomfortable? No....whatever.
Anyway...it's gotten better over the last week or so. I really noticed it when I try to wear a push up bra and kind of the "lift and place" of the breast into position (don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about...you do...) and could feel the little sensation at the scar again. I'm sure it's just the scar tissue. That stuff can be annoying.
I've started returning to normal lifting and restraining animals at work. I was super proud of myself for being able to carry a 40lb dog (he was scared...thrashing around on a leash but let me pick him up and carry him...makes sense.) and I did some "girl" push ups over the past week or so, only like 2 sets of 5...so weak I know...and I'm getting a little sore. However...the muscles don't hurt when I use them. I mean honestly...I don't think I've lost any more strength than I normally would have if I just didn't do any type of lifting or working out for almost 2 months. I don't think going submuscular made me super weak in my chest or anything...I just haven't even used these muscles much since my surgery so they just have to be strengthened up again.
I'm so excited it's April. I get to go back to boxing in 14 days. Not that I'm counting or anything. I drive by the gym every day and it takes every ounce of my will power not to say "fuck it. I'm going" and join in on a class. I got really close one day and my husband stopped me by showing me pictures of "breast implants gone wrong" of women who didn't let them heal. I don't want those boobies. I like my boobies. I'll wait til the 8 week post op mark.
But man...some days when work has me so irritated and stressed all I want to do is let it all out by ripping into a bag and just going ape shit on it.
Apes are crazy good at hitting stuff.
I started running really short runs. Definitely understand the purpose of a good sports bra. The other day my dog decided she wanted to chase after a bird. It was morning so I was still in my pjs, no bra...but I went running after her and felt the weirdest sensation...my boobs bouncing up and down. I looked down and was like "aaww shit heyyy!" And watched them a couple times. Back off. I've never had boobs to bounce. It was just a couple steps. Then I put my focus back on my dog. Which was easy because she gave up on the bird when she remembered she can't fly and just came running back to me. I couldn't even get mad at her. She helped show me that my boobs bounce.
The hubs is off on a training course for 2 weeks. Not a long time at all but it still feels weird sleeping in the bed alone. Don't get me wrong...I'm all sprawled out on it the past few nights. Using his pillow. Then mine. I woke up this morning literally just in the middle of the bed, my head and feet facing the sides of the bed and I was curled up. Why? Because I can! Even my subconscious loves it. Normally I don't move when I sleep, like forreal. I wake up in the same spot and position as when I went to sleep. I seriously think it's because my husband is so damn tall (took me 3 times to not let autocorrect change "tall" to "y'all" like it wants to. You know you're southern when...) and he takes up so much room, so I just subconsciously know "don't move and you won't be kicked off the bed".
I haven't been sleeping as well though. Which sucks because I'm tired. So so tired. I got gripey at work today. Whoops. Not suppose to get gripey as lead tech, but who cares. I'm sleepy!
Besides the areas that were a little
open in the beginning, the scars have turned into small little lines. They're no longer raised like they were before but are flat.
I plan on continuing the scar cream for a while. I've researched and was told by my PS that scar treatment should really continue for months, possibly even up to a year after starting the treatment to ensure you really get great results.
Umm Hello Stranger!
First off...everything is amazing with boobs. Like seriously...I freaking love my body. Sex is amazing when you're more confident and my hubs loves it. I still can't believe how open I am on here...more than likely due to the secrecy of my true identity. Like a super hero. I am the Amazing C! My super powers are BREAST-taking!
Anyways...back to the boobs. They feel amazing. They have soften up an incredible amount. I've actually felt my friend's real boob, and then mine...could not tell a difference.
I had my 4 month check up last month before everything went to shit (I'll explain...just hold your tits - get it...hold your tits..not horses..ok I swear I'm done with the bad jokes. No I'm not.) They look amazing, I am still having some sensitive nips...things turn into little baby fingers if there is the slightest breeze and I'm not wearing a bra, so the nipple stickers from Target have become my besties. I'm also having occasional very minor sharp pain around the incision area, but that is normal - I have to keep reminding myself that I'm only 5 months post-op, that's really not that long.
Working out has been fine. I'm pretty much back to where I was thanks to my amazing trainers. I will say a lot of it was my determination to get back to where I was, plus some. There were many a days when I wanted to just give up because the work out was so much more difficult than it used to be before the surgery, but I just had to be strict with myself. I won't sugar coat it - it was hard, but I am so glad I tortured myself (bet you'll never hear someone say that ever again). Push-ups are still more difficult than they used to be - but I'm also not allowing myself to get even more developed pectoral muscles - wanna keep the amazing shape I have now.
The month of June sucked. A lot. My husband and I had to go through 5 deaths within 3 weeks. 3 of them were within the same week. We flew to North Carolina from California to pay our respects to a dear friend - a fellow Marine to my husband, far too young to leave this earth and he left behind an amazing wife - a good friend I wish I never saw in that physical and mental state. It was kind of a slap in the face reminder of being a military wife - there is always that chance that we could be receiving the folded flag like she did that day. It was also my first open casket experience. I didn't like it. I still can't get the image of our friend lying there.
Two days after we learned about our friend, Buddy, an amazing lab owned by a couple that we are close with, a dog that I loved as my own, lost his battle with osteosarcoma and passed away very suddenly at home. What made it even harder - the owner of Buddy is the best friend of the guy who's funeral we attended. Poor guy lost both of his best friends within 72 hours. My husband and I were crushed by the two losses, I can't even imagine how our friend felt.
A week after returning from NC, we learned another fellow Marine my husband knew from training was killed in action - leaving behind a fiance and unborn child. Three days after that, my Great Uncle passed away. Then this last week I learn about a family friend's passing.
Needless to say, I was an absolute wreck this last month. Still am recovering slightly, but each day gets easier. Espiecially with great boobs!
I'm actually leaving my job in September. It turns out we are moving in December, and I want to have 3 months of just no stress - vacation any time Justin can - living the SoCal lifestlye until we head back to the east coast. This job...even though I am enjoying it and really damn good at it - it takes up my entire life. This month I've switched to 5 day weeks with 8 hour shifts instead of the 4 day weeks with 10 hour shfits (that turned to 12 sometimes) so even on my work days I can have more time to do errands and not just go to work, cook dinner and then go to bed - so I'm hoping that'll help. I'm also now working every single weekend and weekend day - which was not part of the deal with me taking this job. So that irks me a little - but I figure I can stick it out until September.
I will definitely upload some recent pictures soon - including scar ones. They look amazing!
Remember - don't forget....and pictures! Yay!
None of my co-workers know about my surgery (nor do I want them to know), except one, she was a friend outside of work before I started there and actually the reason I started there, so I froze. Luckily, my friend was there to save me "She isn't exactly the best cuddle person, is what she means. Skinny little bitch, I'm sure her tits are as toned as the rest of her, that dog is used to having some cuddle cushion!"
They bought it. Thank goodness for my friend. I gave her a "thanks, man" look. I definitely owe her one. I cannot believe I forgot I have boobs now.
I've posted some pictures in a bra, I'll post some full nudies later. Too damn tired to find the right lighting hahaha.
Warning: I'm about to say some comments that are typically taken as offensive - especially to moms - just remember, I'm not trying to offend anyone, this is my review, my opinions, and most importantly - my jokes. Don't take it so seriously or personally.
So I have been thinking lately about when I get pregnant in the future. I'm not a kid person - at all - but I do know I want to have children with my husband. I've never had that desire until recently, which is weird. We're still going to wait a couple of years, we are still young, have plenty of time. I'm hoping I won't have to have corrective surgery because they end up sagging. Not gonna lie, I'll be pretty pissed. I know I has warned about this and sure, maybe it should have waited to have kids before getting surgery - spare me the lecture on that, but I wanted the proportionate body I've desired my entire life when my husband and I are out having fun pre-parent for the rest of our lives and I can enjoy it more. I've definitely decided that I'm going to not let myself become one of those preggers who stops working out and gains a shit ton of weight. I know, I know, you have to gain weight when housing a human parasite, but there's healthy weight gain and then there's excessive weight gain. I had a friend who was told by her doctor that she did everything perfect and beautifully - gained the perfect amount of weight, even had a super fast labor because her abs were so fit she just popped out the little bugger, and because she gained the appropriate amount of weight, she looks no different than she did before and she's had 3 kids now. She's my role model, I've decided.
We were at a 4th of July party yesterday - all young people, some single, some married, all kid free. All of us are drinking, there's loud music....it's like a grown up college party is the best way to describe it. Then get this...this one couple shows up...kids in tow. Come the frick on...then they have the nerve to ask people to watch their language. And turn down the music. Then the infant started to cry...so the toddler did too. For 20 minutes. It was a small place, too, so it's not like we could just go to the other side of the house. I was so annoyed. So so so annoyed. Who shows up at a party, which the invite said "come booze it up to celebrate America", so they knew it wouldn't be a kid friendly environment, shows up with their infant and toddler anyways, and basically ends up sucking the fun out of the entire place. Sure, if you want to make the bad decision to bring your little ankle grabbers but understand that it's not the ideal environment for them and don't ask people to watch their language, turn down the music, and not have alcoholic drinks on the coffee table (so I have to hold it and the plate of food I'm trying to eat - by the way, little brat ended up slobbering on my bratwurst...) because one of them will just drink from any glass they find, then fine. Don't show up expecting everyone to turn kid friendly. Especially don't assume everyone loves your kid and wants to play with it. "!Oh even people who don't like kids like Miley!" I didn't like her.
Sorry,I went completely off topic, I think I need to rant about that. I'm sure I'm going to get some pissed off comments - simmer down ladies, I'm sure your children are wonderful and I'm sure I just don't understand the life of a mom and having to bring your kids around and make everything less fun for everyone else without kids, but remember - you used to think like me, too. ;)
What a crappy night…except my shirt….and my boobs.
But my main point: there is no worse feeling in this world than feeling overworked, and under appreciated.
Tonight, I went to a work dinner, where we all got to figure out our "colors" that match our personality and how to learn from each other on communication and working with the different "colors". They had free dinner and alcohol. Great workshop, great drinks (obviously look at my typing grammar, gross), great tools to learn. It was going great…until the head medical director decided to make a tear jerking speech at the end of "what is the best part of your day?". Basically, all of us got to say what made our day worth it, my answer: "seeing a sick patient go home. they come in feeling and looking terrible, but seeing them go home and wagging their tail or purring with their happy owners…that makes it all worth it to me." and it's true. I live to see sick patients go home because of what me and my co-workers did to make them feel better. Here's a secret; vet's get a lot of the credit, but it's the technicians who sit with your pet, for hours on end, loving on them, giving them their medications, RVTs drawing the blood and deciding doses (ok'd by the DVM) and ensuring their pain management is kept up to the best it can be, taking them on walks, cleaning up their vomit/poop/pee, bathing them after every time they mess themselves, and doing everything they can to make the pet feel comfortable and loved. I don't care about getting credit from owners, what makes it worth it to me is seeing the patient go home healthy and happy. That's why I do what I do.
The head person at our hospital, went around the table….to each person and talked about how that person made her day worth it. I was the only person that nothing special was said about. Literally…it stopped at me. I'm the lead technician…that she hired. I can confidently say I have the most experience, knowledge, and the highest skill set of every single RVT at this hospital. I put my entire life into my job…I give up my social life, pass up vacations (one was to VEGAS bee-tee-dubs), and get to spend very little time with my husband due to being so incredibly passionate and dedicated to my job and my patients…and the medical director cannot say anything special about me?!
Talk about the first way that anyone has ever made me feel like the biggest pile of shit. Being a military spouse who has moved 5 times within the last 5 years, I've worked at a lot of places, and this is the first ever place I have ever felt so incredibly under appreciated and feel like everything I do goes completely unseen.
What pisses me off more: I'm the person who created the current step by step program to make the hospital more efficient and make it better for the patients, more convenient for clients and a faster vet visit, I'm the person who has trained all of the employees to make sure they all can give higher quality medicine to our patients and try to make it so their knowledge is more up to date with modern medicine, I spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars of CEs (continuing education) and go to conventions and then share that new knowledge with everyone else! I'm the person who stays 3-4 hours over time to make sure the day goes smoothly and that patients get taken care of, who works 60+ hours a week and comes in on the days off to check on patients and ends up working on days off. I'm the only technician who knows anesthesiology and emergency medicine as in depth due to my passion for those two areas and constantly doing studying and reading on them both, the only one who has experienced real life anesthetic emergencies and made it a positive outcome…the technician who literally brought back a dead patient during surgery due to the crappy monitoring of another employee and made it so it went home later that night and is still alive today. The one people call over when there is a vein no one…not even doctors...can hit…and I obtain that blood sample or place that IV catheter... And the bitch has NOTHING special to say about me?!
What sucks even more…I'll go in tomorrow acting like nothing is wrong…because I'll see my first patient and its owner….and realize that they're the only things that matter. They're what make this all worth it. I'm basically used and abused and under appreciated at my job…and I won't do anything about it, because it would ultimately screw over my patients. And I can't do that to them.
So here I am, in tears because I'm unable to get someone to see what I truly do for this hospital…and wonder what exactly is special about me..is there really nothing? Am I really just not that special?…and yet tomorrow I'll just bury it down, ignore it, and do my best for the animals. This lady who has made me feel so terrible about myself: she'll never have any idea.
Overworked and under appreciated…I've never felt this way at a job…and I never want to feel this way again.
One more month at this place…one more month. One more month way too long.
Seriously though…check out the photos of this new shirt. My boobs look uh-maze-ing. First low cut shirt since surgery! High five!!!!
Dr. G and staff have been absolutely amazing! He was so kind, calm, and comforting starting from the initial consult to the 24 hour post-op check up. He even called the evening after my surgery to check up on me and see how I was doing. Out of all the other surgeons I had met with, Dr. G made me feel the most comfortable and didn't make me feel like he was trying to talk me into the surgery and even though I was so small, he still made me feel good about myself. He also spent a good amount of time with me at the initial consult and didn't make me feel like he was just waiting for me to leave so he could move on to his next patient. The facility is beautiful, clean, and the surgery suite was spotless. Along with Dr. G, his staff was just as warm and friendly. His head nurse was very informative, kind, and made me feel like I could ask her questions all day and she would be ok with it. She was also very funny and helped me feel so relaxed about the entire procedure. She and Dr. G both make themselves available for questions at any time and encourage you to contact them if you feel the need to, even after hours. His board certified anesthesiologist was also just phenomenal. She called me a few days before the surgery and just went over step by step of the anesthetic process and answered all of my questions with a lot of detail and also didn't make me feel like she was rushing to get off the phone. She is also very funny and has a warm personality. When we met in person, she has one of those personalities that makes you feel like you've known each other for years. I would highly recommend Dr. G and his staff at Faces + to anyone who is looking for wonderful results, an experienced staff, and a doctor and staff they can put all their trust into. Every single person there, from the front desk staff to the technician who helped me get prepped in the surgical suite are some of the nicest and happiest staff I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. You can tell they all love their job and truly care for their patients.