Breast Implants: Stories

Greetings fellow boob-enthusiasts! I'm 33 years old, no kids, and no boobs. Just kidding -- I have boobs -- just not great ones. When I was in college I hit my heaviest weight of 200 pounds, which is almost 60 pounds more than I've weighed in over 10 years. I'm now 140-145 pounds at 5'8", and the boobs are rather deflated and sad looking. I've been to two consultations so far, and the recommendations have varied. The first surgeon suggested TUBA, which is no surprise since that seems to be the bulk of her practice. The second surgeon recommended saline implants, completely under the muscle, with a transaxillary approach and a lift. I was surprised and disappointed that he felt a lift was needed, and I really don't want the scars nor can I afford the additional costs. Fortunately, I have three more consultations scheduled, including one tomorrow morning.

I'm posting some before pictures so you can see what the docs saw. Please keep in mind that I'm 5'8" and have a long torso. My collarbone to nipple measurement was 24", and I'm told 21" is ideal. I think the position of my breasts is proportionate to my overall shape, and again, I'd hate to lift them. The goal is a natural looking result.

So I went to another consultation yesterday, and I think I finally found my surgeon. For starters, he does beautiful work, but I especially appreciated the fact that he seemed more like a medical doctor and less like a salesman, if you know what I mean. The first part of the consultation was simply him explaining his technique and the aesthetic he likes to achieve (which was consistent with my vision), and me tapping my feet nervously waiting to hear what he'd say after examining me. Fortunately, he said a lift was an option but not a requirement, and he even showed me before and after pictures of patients with body habitus similar to my own. Interestingly, the measurements he took were different from the last surgeon. I'm not sure why that is, but he and his nurse were confident of the accuracy.
His recommendation was to do the dual plane technique with an inframammary approach, which I'm very comfortable with. The suggested sizes (because I'm as symmetrical to the tune of 45 CCs) were 350 and 375 overfilled to 400 and 425. I tried them on and they seemed HUGE. But then I tried on a smaller pair and they seemed diminutive. He and the nurse suggested I'd most likely be disappointed if I went smaller, and I'm inclined to agree.

Here's where it gets kinda weird... After that, the financial counselor came in, dropped her top, and modeled her implants! The point was to show me what "bigger" looked like since she is more petite than I am (she's 5'3" and I'm 5'8"), but she got 450s. She looked great, but it felt weird ogling her right in front of me versus just seeing some pictures. But don't worry -- I also got to see pictures of his nurse! She pulled up her own before and afters, and they, too, looked great. The only boobs I didn't see we're the receptionist's, but I think that's only because they were real! :-P

So now it's time to decide whether or not to schedule and how big to go. If I proceed, my surgery would likely be in three short weeks! Unfortunately, there's the issue of financing. If only there were a boob fairy...

Soooooo...I scheduled my surgery today! New boobs in less than three weeks!!! And my pre-op appointment is tomorrow! I'm still processing the fact that it's really going to happen after all this time I've spent thinking about it. I'm nervous, but mostly just excited. Fortunately, I don't have that much time to stew on it...

Today I had my pre-op appointment and I invited my boyfriend to join me because I wanted him to meet my surgeon, get his opinion on the size, and have him hear the pre/post instructions since he'll be taking care of me. He had questions and concerns of his own, and I thought it would be reassuring for him to see that I was in capable hands. It was great having him there because I was nervous and at times flustered, and he stayed cool and helped me keep all the details straight. Unfortunately, instead of being reassured, he seemed to have even more reservations afterward than before. :(

Apparently the surgeon was "not what [he] expected," and he wasn't particularly complimentary until after I got upset about it. Don't get me wrong -- I wanted his honest opinion, because he's intelligent, well-informed, and I trust his judgment. But I was just so disappointed that he wasn't as confident as I had been, and it's cast a black shadow on the optimism and enthusiasm I'd had previously.



I don't know if anyone else's significant other reads this site, but mine does. I gave him a heads-up that I'd be sharing all this on here, and after I wrote the stuff above he came out to talk to me some more about everything. While it doesn't completely eliminate the disappointment I felt at his initial lack of shared enthusiasm, he did say the surgeon seemed very technically competent and he was sure everything would turn out well. He also said the surgeon is probably "fun to hang out with," so there's also that - ha! Poor guy just wants me to be happy, but I think we're both scared. And rightfully so, seeing as this is a major event.

So anyway, there's been some changes to the plan. Based on the surgeon's recommendations, I'm going with high-profile SILICONE implants, 400cc on the left and 450 on the right. I was originally going with 375 and 425 saline, but the surgeon said I'd likely have rippling with saline given my frame, and that the larger size would be better suited to me. They seemed a little large to me (and my boyfriend), but not crazily so, and I'm of the opinion that there's no substitute for professional, clinical/artistic judgment. The surgeon was CERTAIN about the size, and so I'm entrusting him to help me make the final call.

They sent me home with a crap-ton of information and instructions, and I also have some supplements to use post-op to help with healing. There's a lot of stuff to do and buy, and I'm thinking of making a calendar to help me keep it all straight. My surgery is August 10th, so there not much time to go. Panic is starting to set in!!!

Not much new to report today, except that I'm much less freaked out about the larger size and I went shopping for supplies. So far I've spent close to $100 on supplements and first aid stuff. I still have to buy a "Bali bra" (whatever that is), some pricey special-order scar cream, and a few first aid things they didn't have at CVS. Otherwise I'm just counting down the days... Only 16 more to go!

12 DAYS?!? OMG!!!

Lately I've been fretting about the implant profile because my surgeon recommended high-profile, and those are typically used in women who have narrow chests. The reason for that is HP implants have a narrower diameter than moderate or moderate-plus (though they project farther), and so they take up less space on the chest and are less likely to cause side-boob. However, if you look at my pictures you'll see that I do NOT have a narrow chest, and in fact it's quite the opposite! Of course I'm envisioning tennis balls (er...softballs) glued next to my armpit, and freaking out, like I do. If it hadn't been the weekend, I'd have called up the surgeon's office straight-away to schedule an appointment to discuss my concerns and whether moderate-plus wouldn't be a better choice for me. But they're closed, and so I commenced my internet research...

What did I learn? Well, apparently, HP implants are also useful in women with pectus carinatum, a deformity of the chest wall in which the sternum is protruding (aka "pigeon chest"). As I recall, the surgeon mentioned that I have this (33 years and I never even knew it), and he spent plenty of time examining and documenting the characteristics of my chest wall. None of the other doctors I consulted with mentioned this at all, so I feel even more certain that I'm in good hands. Though I'll still probably try and get another few minutes with him to talk about the rationale for using HP.

Surgery is in a week and a half, and because I've continued to fret about the decision to use a high profile implant, I called the office on Monday morning and asked if email was an effective way to communicate with my surgeon. They said I was welcome to send an email, and that the nurse would review it, answer what questions she could and consult the surgeon as needed. So that night I drafted a message asking for clarification as to why a high profile implant was best suited for my frame, and I included some other questions about the pre and post-op instructions (like can I continue to take vitamin c and zinc while on arnica montana and bromelain, what scar therapy product do they recommend, and when can I resume sexual activity ::wink-wink nudge-nudge::). Then today I got a call from the nurse, and she suggested I come in and see the surgeon again before surgery since I had so many detailed questions about the implant profile. We set up ANOTHER appointment to see him next Tuesday (three days before surgery), and I was really grateful for that. The surgeon and his staff have been so helpful and comforting, and yet I can't help but feel like a nuisance for having somany questions and taking up so much of their time. I know, I know -- it's ok to have questions because this is not just a minor deal, and that IS what they're there for, but I hate to feel like a bother. Probably has something to do with being a woman.

Anyway, in addition to scheduling the appointment, the nurse did go over my questions with me and answered to the best of her ability. One thing she said was that the surgeon uses high profile implants in patients with narrow chest walls, and I said, "but don't I have a wide chest?" She said, "no, you just have a slight pectus carinatum." That rocked my world! For 33 years I thought I was broad (AND flat) chested since there's so much space between my breasts, and apparently the real reason for that is they're laterally displaced because my sternum protrudes a bit. Shocker! So now it's all starting to make sense, and I hope to understand even BETTER after my next appointment. :)

Also, no sex for 2-3 weeks after surgery. Bummer.

Tomorrow it will be ONE WEEK until my surgery! I keep thinking about all the things that are going to SUCK for a long time, like shaving my legs, armpits, and ladybusiness, washing and styling my hair, putting on makeup.... The list goes on and on. But on the bright side, nobody's going to be looking at my hair or makeup anymore, right?

Yuck. I've been feeling so damn ANXIOUS these past few days. On more than one occasion I've thought about postponing my surgery, but I think it'll be better just to toughen up and get it done with now. All this anxiety has been making it hard to stay smoke-free, which I know is not in my best interest. Then again, the occasional smoke has kept me from jumping off a cliff, and so I guess it's good in that one, single regard. But yes, I know the risks and I'm definitely beating myself up over it. Trying to keep it to the bare minimum. Blah :(

Something new I've started worrying about is the "boobie blues." Apparently, it's not uncommon for women to develop some depression after a breast augmentation. I HOPE I don't have regret and crying spells, and if I do, I hope it goes away fast. Just wish I could relax! I still have four more days of work before surgery, and I think it's going to be increasingly difficult to concentrate. I'll probably just spend most of my time looking at pictures of adorable kittens.

I hate to be a bummer on here while most everyone else is all excited, but PMS is really getting to me right about now. There's only THREE more days until my surgery, and so I went to the mall this evening to get some tube tops to vegetate around the house in since I think button-up stuff will be difficult. I know everyone says button-ups are the easiest kind of garments to negotiate, but my right arm has limited rotation from a birth injury and so those, jackets, and the like have always been awkward for me to get into. I did find a couple of cute tube tops and little cardigans to throw over them, but I had hoped to also find some things to wear to work the following week. No such luck. I'm so used to the figure I have that I can't envision what will look good on me, and I'm also unsure just how much swelling I'll have and how much coverage I'll need. Plus there were tons of things that would've suited my "old" flat figure and I felt silly for not having taken advantage of those options before. I know, I'm whining. It's the PMS.

Normally I'm pretty confident, but today I just felt gross. Especially at the mall surrounded by all these pretty young girls with their youthful figures. I found myself looking around wondering "what's the point?" It sucked. Anyway, enough of that. Hopefully I'll start my period ASAP so I can get to feeling normal again. Buuuuuuuut, I am not looking forward to having it during my recovery! Yucky, yucky, yucky.

So I met with my surgeon again today to discuss my concerns about HP implants and whether they would give me enough lateral coverage. He reminded me that the implants have to be centered behind the nipple, and so if my boobs are far apart now, that's not really going to change much. He said that my chest is neither wide nor narrow, and that he would not recommend using a moderate or moderate plus in any patient that does not have a very wide chest wall. The reason he gave was that HP give a superior, "natural" result, which is contrary to popular wisdom. With that said, I can't argue with his results. They DO look very natural, despite being HP, so I trust that he just "knows how to use them."

He mentioned that if I want them to be a little closer together, I could always GO BIGGER. Bigger implants will project a little farther, but they'll also have a little wider diameter...and so now the plan is 425 and 475 silicone HP implants, still dual-plane, infra-mammary incisions. They look big indeed, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can pull it off. I'll try to post some pictures of the sizers in the medieval bra they strap 'em into.

So far, each time I've had another appointment, the size has gone up! It's a damn good thing I don't have any more visits planned because at this rate I'd likely end up with 700s!

So the good news is I'm no longer PMSsy, but the bad news is I'm now MSsy. Hopefully my hormones will get back in check really soon. I'm still vacillating between exhilaration and mopey-ness. Today was mostly mopey, and for no real good reason. I guess I probably set the tone by texting my dad this morning to let him know that my surgery is Friday, and that I needed to let him know in case I die or end up in ICU since he's my emergency contact. Morbid, right? He's a doctor, and so we're really open about that kind of stuff. It's great because I can look to him for medical advice, but he's also really understanding, accepting, and freaking hilarious. When I first told him I was getting a boob job he asked me if I was enlarging or reducing them! LOF'inL! But today he just wanted to know when I would be home and when he can make the drive down to see me. Dads are awesome

Weird. It ate half my post. Here's the rest:

Later I had lunch with a girlfriend so she could say goodbye to my boobs, and I'm having lunch tomorrow with another girlfriend tomorrow so she can say farewell, too. All this closure business and talk of dying is just making me mopier, I think, but I swear I can't help it. All day I kept thinking, "If I die, I wonder if my boyfriend will regret not playing video games less and cuddling and talking to me more these past couple of weeks?" Such a helpful, happy thought, no?

I know the risks are low, and I'm sure I'll be ok. Hell, I'm not even afraid of dying. If it happens, that's too bad, but I accept the possibility. Nevertheless, I'm forging ahead and continuing to prepare for the big day. After work I stopped off at Target and picked up a neck pillow, button-up pajamas, colorful socks to wear in the operating room, slippers, and a little fabric box to hold all my meds. I forgot to get bendy straws, so I'll maybe rely on the bf to hook me up later. Other than that, I think I'm pretty well set! And it's a good thing because there's only one more day to go... Surgery on Friday! I can almost taste my new boobs! Wait...that's not right :-P

Is anyone else having issues with the website right now? It isn't showing that anyone has recently updated, even though they have -- me included. It's extra sucky because my surgery is TOMORROW at 8am!!!! I need positive thoughts!!!!!

I'm way worked up right now. I can't believe there's no more time left. Despite the fact that I'm excited for the result, I'm super anxious at the moment. This is my very first surgery ever. Tonight my bf took me out for for my "last meal," and I thought I was going to puke enchiladas right there at the dinner table. And there was this mariachi band playing non-stop, and while they were very good, they were very loud. It was far from relaxing. Now I'm at home trying to calm my nerves, and I'm sorry to say that I'm being totally testy and insufferable to my poor boyfriend. I apologized and explained that I just need him to be extra-nice and understanding, even though I don't deserve it.

Tomorrow at this time it'll all be over, and if all goes well I'll be at home with my new boobs. I still have to reread my instructions and make sure I know what to do as far as showering and shaving beforehand and all the things I need to bring to the surgery center. OMG I don't know how people stay cool in this situation! Eeeeek!!!

Eeeeeek!!!!!!!!!!

Thankful to have the love and support of my family and dear friends as well as all of you ladies on realself. I'll be posting more as soon as I'm able.

Yesterday was my surgery, and I'm finally feeling up to writing an update. I got to the surgery center at 6:30am, filled out some paperwork, paid the facility fee, then sat with my boyfriend in a waiting room until a nurse called me to the back. She had me change into a gown, lay down on a bed, then she started my IV. She took blood samples from the newly inserted line, then hung fluids, then sent me to the bathroom for a urine sample. Next she had me get back into bed and brought my boyfriend in to wait with me for the surgeon. A different nuse came in to take down some more history, and then the surgeon arrived wheeling a box with my implants in it. The nurse stood me up and then took my gown down to my waist so the surgeon could begin marking me up. He used measuring tape and a sharpie marker and drew a bunch of lines to help guide placement. When that was done I layed back down and the anesthesiologist came in to talk with me. He was sooooo nice and comforting. He told me that for the next few hours I was going to be the most important thing in his life, and that they were going to take good care of me. Then the nurse came back in and told my boyfriend to say whatever he needed to me, because after giving me versed, I wouldn't remember anything. She was right, because the next thing I knew I was waking up in the recovery room. The recovery nurse was very surprised at how quickly I awoke, and she offered pain meds which I said I didn't need. Then she brought me a cup of ice water and fed me ice chips (heaven), then the surgeon came and showed me my post-op pictures. I have only a vague recollection of what that looked like, and unfortunately he did not honor my request to text them to me -- probably because he didn't want to give out his personal cell number. My boyfriend came in and sat with me until I was cleared for discharge, then he went and got the car while the nurse wheeled me outside and helped me into the car. I don't remember the car ride home, but my boyfriend told me I did not enjoy it. Once at home I sat in the recliner where I spent the rest of the day.

I've needed more help than I had imagined. Even picking up a glass of water was difficult and I've been unable to open any pill bottles myself. Fortunately, my boyfriend was always there to help me with all that, and to help me out of the recliner so I could go pee. Standing up has been very uncomfortable, and wiping and pulling up my pants was way hard, too. The pain meds (Vicodin) have not covered my pain very well, either. Still, I've been able to sleep in the recliner off and on all night, and now I'm up having a cup of coffee.

Everything is bandaged so I can't really see what's going on, but I'm definitely swollen up to my clavicles. I haven't used any ice because the surgeon never said I could or should, but I think it would feel really nice. I may call the office to make sure it's ok to do so, or I might just do it anyway. I'm also not sure about what to eat, though I haven't had any nausea. Yesterday I had a few bites of French bread, but then the dog stole it. Lol. Today I'll probably retire back to the recliner and watch a zillion episodes of Lost on Netflix.

That's all for now. On Monday I have a post-op appointment where they'll take off the bandages and I can finally see my new friends. I hope some of this swelling will have gone down by then, but I think it will be pretty bad for at least a week.

Today is post-op day 2. I'm still completely bandaged and have major swelling over the top of the dressing. It's hard for me to tell if it's fluid or if the implant is riding really high, but I think it's the latter. From what I can see my breasts are football shaped and my nipples are sitting at the bottom. I've tried peeking inside the bandage, but I still can't get a visual on them. Tomorrow I have my first post-op appointment and I'll finally get to see what's going on under there. I'm excited even though I know they're alien boobs at the moment. My surgeon warned me this would happen because my pecs are "well developed," so even though it's scary, it isn't unexpected.

The pain is less today, and it's been easier to get up from the recliner and couch. I'm still uncomfortable, however, and I continue to rely on the pain pills. My boyfriend is going to go pick up my refill since I only have one dose left, and he's also going to pick up a zip front bra for me to take to my appointment tomorrow. I don't know why but my legs appear slimmer and more toned. My stomach on the other hand is all fat and bloaty. Maybe if I can ever poop that will change, but I'm ok with waiting until I'm physically able to wipe for that to happen :-/

Looking at my new boobs makes me sob. They are unbelievably disgusting. I don't understand why some people's implants look instantly like boobs, and others (mine) are completely monstrous. Nonetheless, in all of my research, I have yet to see any as hideous as mine are right now.

Today was my post-op appointment and the nurse took off my dressings for the first time. I knew they were misshapen, but it was still a shock to see them. The nurse said it was completely normal and that this is what happens with large implants, but I'm appalled anyway. It's especially hard to deal with considering the amount of pain I'm in. I figure if it hurts this much, they could at least look good, but they don't. Not at all.

After the dressings were removed the nurse wiped everything down with alcohol and replaced the gauze and tape over the incisions then wrapped me back up in another bandage. She explained each step so that I could do it myself after showering tomorrow. I did bathe my lower half this morning, and it will be nice to have clean arms, shoulders, and back soon, too. She's also calling in a stronger prescription for pain since my current regimen is largely ineffective. This is what I imagine a heart attack must feel like.

I had the nurse take pictures with my phone, and I'm warning you they're horrific. Sorry to discourage anyone, but I don't think my results are typical, even if they're normal. My boyfriend was speechless, and I cried the whole ride home. Friday is my next appointment and that's when they'll put me in a sports bra and give me a strap to start wearing to help push them down. It was again reinforced that I won't see my "real" results until a few months from now.

Very unhappy and hurty at the moment :(

Today is POD #4 and I am sorry to report that I did not experience a miracle overnight. Still have spongebob squareboobs, and they're still super tight and painful. Yesterday at my appointment the nurse said she would call in a stronger prescription for pain meds since the Vicodin they ordered initially was a standard low-dosage, but a few hours later the pharmacy still had not received the new scrip and so I called the office back to inquire about the status. They told me the nurse had been in a procedure with the surgeon and would take care of it as soon as she was done and a few minutes later she called me to say she was on top of it. It always takes at least an hour for the pharmacy to fill new orders, and since I was due for my next dose already, I figured I'd go ahead and take the lower dose right then and start with the stronger stuff next time it was due at 7:30pm. My boyfriend went to the pharmacy around 6:00pm, and when he got there they told him they didn't get the call and I had no new prescription waiting for me. Unfortunately, the office was closed by then and their phones were not routed to someone on call so I left a sobbing voicemail asking about the status of my new RX. That'll be pretty embarrassing when they get around to listening to it this morning, but I swear I couldn't help but cry at the time. I was in so much pain and it was compounded by the fact that I felt forgotten and neglected.

It seems to me the surgeon and nurse could have anticipated I'd have more than the usual amount of pain if they knew I'd have significant swelling (and they said I would because my pecs are well developed), so I don't really understand why they didn't proactively set me up with stronger meds. But since they didn't, I'd at least have expected them to take care of me when I was seen in the office. We'll see what happens today, I guess.

At some point today I'm going to take my first shower. That should be nice, except I'm going to need my boyfriend to wash my hair for me and I'm not excited for him to see my squares up close and in person. He was troubled enough by the photos, and he's sad because I'm sad. I just keep reminding myself that I didn't have a BAD outcome -- just a DELAYED outcome. It's only helping a little LOL.

Still no miracles to report, unless an improved mood counts. Yes, I still have weird, misshapen tatas, but I'm not as down about the situation as I was in the previous 24 hours. And maybe I'm imagining it, but I even think they may have dropped a tiny bit today (will follow-up with pictures). But before I get ahead of myself, I have to relate my first post-surgery shower experience. Around noon my sweet boyfriend who's working from home this week volunteered to help me get cleaned up. We gathered up all our toiletries and took them into the guest bath, because there's more room for two people in the tub than in the shower stall in the master bath, and then we undid all my bandages to reveal my brick boobies. Then he warmed up the shower and we got in with me at the back and him below the spray. First I begged him to scratch my back because it has been SO DAMN ITCHY! It was absolutely exquisite! Next he washed my hair very, very vigorously while announcing that he'd never washed someone else's hair beore and didn't know what he was doing (LOL), and then he worked in some conditioner. I suggested he start working on himself while the conditioner set in my hair for a while, and I sat on the floor of the tub and shaved everything I could reach on me (i.e. not my armpits). Getting up from the slippery tub floor was a bit tricky, but I managed without injuring either one of us. He was a little too delicate while washing my frontside so I took over and soaped the boobs myself (again, felt like heaven), and I washed my own face because his method of helping with that was rather...unconventional (more LOLs). Then to rinse off we traded places so the water could run over my front while still facing away, and wouldn't you know he started to slip and fall? Instinctively I reached out to catch him, and OW. Totally not necessary either 'cause he caught himself, but that was a scary moment for reals! Then we got out of the shower and he didn't really know how to dry me or my hair, so I stood there with the towel draped around my shoulders and whined and pouted for a minute until he took charge and toweled me off. OMG I'm laughing just recalling the memory. It was traumatizing at the time, but retrospectively it's a riot. :-P

After the shower I had him take a couple of photos so I could monitor my progress, and then he wiped down the girls with rubbing alcohol and bandaged me back up. That took a couple of tries and we were both really frustrated, but he got the job done. A few hours later I had him rewrap me because the bandages were riding low and kind of pushing things up, and that felt even better. I put on makeup, fixed my hair, and then took a nice nap. Gotta look pretty when I'm sleeping, right?

In other news, I got a call from the surgeon's office around 3:00pm, and the super-sweet receptionist asked me if I'd gotten my new prescription filled and if I was feeling any better. I told her that the pharmacy said they never received it, and she seemed confused and concerned and said the nurse had in fact called it in. I agreed to call the pharmacy to check, and again, they said they had nothing. While I was on the phone with the receptionist relaying that message the pharmacy called back to say it had been called into another location the day before and that they would transfer it over. I was super peeved because I ASKED them that yesterday and they said none of the locations had it. I knew that could be the problem because I recently switched pharmacies, but I guess they didn't really bother to check. Grrrrrrrr. So oops on me for assigning blame to the wrong party. It wasn't the nurse's fault after all. :-/

I think that's about it for now. Oh, and I should mention that I do at least have outstanding cleavage. Unfortunately, my nipples are still in the wrong place...but baby steps, right?

Just as soon as my mood lifted it darkened again. This thing is a roller coaster. I cried myself to sleep in my lonely recliner last night, feeling sorry for myself and regretting my decision. Then this morning I woke up witha headache...but no real boobie pain to speak of. I popped a couple of pain pills anyway (probably not the best use), and commenced my daily research of riding high breast implants. When my boyfriend woke up I turned over his iPad to him so he could use it for work, and I started doing some chores. It was amazing how much range of motion I regained overnight. I even cooked a big lunch, which wore me out enough for a nap afterward.

In addition to less pain, the boobs are also noticeably softer today. They don't appear any lower, but they're no longer as hard and tight at the top and they move when I press on them, which they've never done before. There were some icky "squish" noises at times when I moved them around, but I was so thrilled at having SOME change to speak of that it didn't even bother me. I felt a bit stiff and sore as the day wore on, but I'm doing ok. No plans to unveil them today, which I hope will prevent another night of tears.

I should probably slow down on the updates until I truly have some change to report, but I just keep thinking they're going to drop any second now - LOL! Honestly, if it's going to be three months or even more, I don't know if I'll be able to take it! Maybe I'm deluded, but there's a part of me that really thinks maaaaaaaaybe it'll only be a few weeks. Then there's the other part of me that just wants to take them out now! Ugh. FML. ;)

Today my pain was very manageable, but they don't feel as soft as they did yesterday. Maybe I overdid it with the activity, but who knows. They look about the same, though I think lefty is starting to give a little. I can fit three fingers under my collarbone on that side, but still stuck on two for righty. However, righty looks a bit more rounded at the bottom and less triangular than lefty. I'll post some pictures (since I'm obsessed with documenting my progress), but there's no significant change to speak of.

Something weird I noticed was that I have these shallow cuts all along the base of my breasts as if the doctor scored the entire area. I can't imagine why he would have done that, though my boyfriend speculated it might be to help blend in the incision so it fades gradually instead of just a chunky scar. I have another appointment in the morning, so I'll be sure to ask about that. I'm supposed to get to wear a zip front sports bra tomorrow, which should be interesting since these boobs are not even bra shaped, and I'll also get a strap! Very excited about that, even though I hear it's super uncomfortable. No pain - no gain, right?

Lastly, is anyone taking that arnica montana stuff? I had a really weird experience with it today. So the pills are really chalky and dissolve easily, so much so that you're not even supposed to touch them with your fingers. Well, about fifteen minutes after I took them this afternoon, I burped with my mouth closed (like ladies do :-P) and clouds of white dust sprayed out of my nose like a dragon! So, so weird!

I GOT A STRAP TODAY! AND I'M WEARING A SPORTS BRA!!!

Omg. For the first time in a week I don't want to just claw them off! This morning I went to my second follow-up appointment and I got to trade in my ace bandage/compression wrap for a sports bra! After that the nurse measured and cut a couple of straps for me -- one to wear now and one as a back-up. Then she wrapped it around my back at the base of my bra strap and brought it around the front and over the top of the implants and secured it with Velcro really, really tight to push the implants down into place. She also instructed me to lift my areoles up into the bra when I do this to get things going in the right direction.

She asked me if the strap was too tight, and while my pain receptors were screaming "YES!!!" I want them to drop so badly I told her I could take it. I don't know what things will look like when I take this contraption off, but while I've got it on they are finally looking like bewbs!!!!! I don't even care that the strap hurts like a mutha and it's cutting into my skin.

Apparently I have to wear the strap for six weeks, and I can already tell its going to be hard to camouflage it under clothes. Sports bras are bulky and high-cut as it is, and now I've got to worry about hiding this extra detail. I'm not sure I have enough clothes in my wardrobe to even get me through one week like this -- much less six! No matter, I am going to wear my strap religiously!

So excited!!! :D

Remember how excited I was to wear the strap? Yeah...that feeling lasted about an hour. The first day of wearing it was super uncomfortable. It was putting a lot of pressure on the boobs, and right after they had stopped hurting from surgery, plus it was cutting into my armpits like crazy and also making it harder to take a deep breath. Nevertheless, I was a good soldier and wore it anyway including at night while sleeping...still in my recliner (suck). Fortunately, the pressure subsided by the next day and then the only real pain was from the strap cutting into my skin. I tried switching sports bras from a Danskin zip-front bra ($12.99 at Walmart) to an Under Armour zip-front bra ($49.99 at Academy), and that made a HUGE difference. I'm not sure if it's the cut of the bra or what, but the Under Armour bra is significantly more comfortable. And expensive!

By then it was Saturday, and with the workweek looming ahead, I knew I was going to need to find some clothes that would conceal all these bulky undergarments. The straps on a sports bra pretty much hug the neck, and the strap/bandeau thingie sits at the top of the implants, which means there's not a lot that will camouflage what's going on with my chest. Since I work in a business casual environment, high cut t-shirts aren't an option, and since it's summer in south Texas, turtlenecks aren't either. However, I did find a few high necked sleeveless tops and some button-front shirts that fit the bill. Shopping wasn't much fun, though, because I didn't get to buy things I LIKED -- just things I didn't hate that had enough coverage. Plus it was exhausting!

That night I was supposed to go to a birthday party for my boyfriend's nephew, but I was sore, in a foul mood, and had nothing to wear for the event and so I stayed home. I also canceled a Sunday morning brunch date with a girlfriend for the same reason, but there was no avoiding work on Monday morning. As such, I donned a frumptastic outfit and went back to the office for the first time after my surgery. Some of my coworkers knew why I was out, but there were no comments (positive or negative) about my figure or outfit. I tried to lay low to not draw too much attention to myself, and that worked pretty well. Hopefully tomorrow's outfit will also let me fly under the radar (and every day for the next six weeks, since that's how long I'll be wearing this strap).

But now for the important stuff... Yes, the square shape is subsiding, and my right boob has dropped a full finger-width so that it is now equal height to the left. I can fit three fingers between my collarbone and the top of the implants at this point, and that's been pretty constant since day two in the strap. My nipples are not ALL THE WAY at the bottom of my boobs anymore, though they're still not centered yet. The real problem is how much the implants are projecting at this point. It seriously looks like I've got two basketballs glued to my chest. I'm having a hard time imagining that any amount of dropping and fluffing will give them a natural slope or make them look like they're a part of my body, but I realize that time changes everything. Nevertheless, I'm currently regretting going with high profile implants as I don't think I'd have be having this issue with moderate or moderate plus.

Obviously I'm not satisfied with the current state of my breasts, but I've resigned myself to wait and see. The impulse to look at them constantly in hopes of a major change has passed, and I didn't look at them at all throughout the day except once in the evening in order to answer my boyfriend's question, "What do they look like?" The answer? Pretty much the same as they did yesterday.

It will be nice if and when I can finally feel pretty again. With that said, I did have some nice moments today. I got some "real" kisses from my boyfriend, who's understandably seemed less interested in me sexually recently, my boss brought me flowers, and my best friend's husband sent me thie nicest most supportive message on Facebook. He reminded me that they love me no matter what, and that I'm as beautiful on the outside as they think I am on the inside. He said that I should do whatever I need to do to make myself happy, but that cutting on myself is like "throwing white paint on a Rembrandt." More flattering words have never been spoken, IMHO. And while it's obviously too late to change my decision, I was so incredibly touched by the sentiment. Total mood-lifter. :D

So that's all for now. On Thursday I have a follow-up appointment with the surgeon and that's when I'll get my stitches trimmed and get to start massaging the boobs. I'm looking forward to that since I understand it really aids the drop-and-fluff process. More to come...

Post-op day 11 -- gonna post a new pic. Still have a long way to go.

Tomorrow I will be two weeks post-op, and today I had my third follow-up appointment. Finally got to have the steri-strips peeled off of my incisions (OW), and the nurse trimmed off some but not all of my stitches. That was the first time I got to actually see the incisions, and the nurse said I had some minor/superficial blistering. Supposedly it's completely normal, as is the fact that they're very raised. She likened them to an earthworm (an apt description), and said they are intended to be this way because the skin will stretch and flatten as the implants settle. I was instructed to apply bacitracin with zinc (an antibiotic ointment not unlike neosporin), and then dress with gauze and tape it in place. Once the blistering subsides and all edges of the incisions appear closed, I can lose the gauze and begin using silicone scar therapy strips or some sort of brown tape, which she supplied me with. The silicone scar therapy sheets are pricey and have to be ordered online, but I will probably make the investment. They recommend using one or the other for a full year to minimize scarring.

Once that was done she began to show me how to massage them. There are four "exercises" I am to do one to two minutes each and three to four times daily. The first one is called "kneading," because it's like kneading dough. You're supposed to use your finger tips to squeeze all throughout the implant in a kneading motion. I was afraid it was going to hurt, but it felt GREAT. The next exercise is called "cleavage," and it entails pushing the breasts together to create (you guessed it) cleavage. I can't remember what the third exercise was called, but it's simply pushing the implants gently upward as high as they will go within the pocket. Lastly there's "flatten," which is where you mash the implants flat with the palm of your hand. These are all designed to keep the pocket loose around the implant to minimize the formation of scar tissue and to help things settle.

While the nurse was kneading on my chest the surgeon walked in. He said, "hello," and then promptly grabbed a boob and squeezed it LOL. They both seemed pleased and/or surprised by how soft they are already and how easily they move. The surgeon said things look perfect, and assured me I'm going to look awesome. I had asked the nurse why I ended up with such a rotten case of frankenboob, and she told me she had the exact same issue and it was because we both had a small degree of sagging before. The surgeon said that if they weren't riding high now, when they settled they would have been too low. He said the positioning will be right-on when it's all said and done with, and he wore a proud-papa smile. The nurse said that with the massage, I'll be looking good in ONE WEEK!!!

When my boyfriend got home from work I showed him how to massage them. The exercises don't seem like they should be erotic, but apparently they weren't UNarousing if you know what I mean (TMI alert). And fortunately, sex is approved at the two week mark, not that I've always followed that particular rule. Sorry again for the overshare :-P Anyway, the boyfriend said they are starting to look "fantastic," and while I probably wouldn't go THAT far, they're definitely much improved.

Looking forward to big changes in the next few weeks, and also for being able to ditch the strap as needed for a night out. Gonna take these puppies out for a test drive tomorrow night!

Hi, ladies. It's been almost three weeks since my surgery, two weeks wearing the strap, and one week of massaging. They're still riding very high, but they're rounding out and beginning to drop. Yesterday my right boob, which had the larger implant and rode higher than the left, was reeeeally sore. When I massaged it, it hurt even worse. I could also feel these knots at the outer lower edge of my breast, like I get around "that time of the month," which it isn't. The other side didn't feel that way, so I called the plastic surgeon's office and ran that scenario by the nurse. She said it's probably not anything to worry about since I have fibrous breast tissue, but that she'd switch my next pre-op appointment to a day earlier since it would be the surgeon's day in the office. Anyway, it's generally pretty painless, and the implants continue to move well in the pocket. In fact, this morning I think my right boob finally fell out of my armpit! I had hoped maybe that's why I was feeling so sore the day before, but I figured it was just wishful thinking. But then this morning I noticed it was easier to shave and that the muscle there wasn't propped up with a solid implant or fluid. It's not THAT noticeable of a change, but I'm celebrating every little victory!

So while I do wish things would progress faster, I'm happy to have avoided any serious complications so far (knock on wood), and to have seen visible changes occur. I'm posting a photo from day 15 and one from day 19 -- please ignore the fact that I'm wearing the same shorts. ;-P


Also, is it weird that I found a drop and fluff theme song? It's called "Sound of Settling" by Deathcab for Cutie. I've listened to it waaaaaay too many times today.

I deleted a bunch of pictures so that it would be easier to compare my results over time. Unfortunately, I lost a whole bunch that were taken with my boyfriend's iPad because he sent it off to Apple for servicing before I had a chance to email them to myself. After I freaked out, he remembered that he could wipe the files remotely, so hopefully they won't end up splashed all over the internet (many included my face :-/ ).

To answer my sweet friend boobali's question (see today's comments), I've had major regrets since my BA. There are times when I think it's not that bad or it'll get better, mostly I'm pretty down about the whole thing. I know it's only been a month, but they still look messed up and they still hurt. I could maybe deal with one or the other, but together it's the pits. Then to compound the situation, things on the home front are pretty rocky and so I haven't had any real support to speak of from my boyfriend. Let's just say I've done my fair share of crying this past month.

Anyway, I had a doctor's appointment earlier this week and they didn't have much to say about the ongoing pain I have in my right boob only. The left feels ok and it's easier to move around in the pocket when I massage them than the right side. The right hurts a lot more, but it also seems to have dropped more than the right. My surgeon confirmed that dropping can be painful, so hopefully it's just that and maybe hormonal changes. He told me to start taking vitamin e and increase my massaging from 4 to 8 times daily. That's a lot of massaging. I'm definitely growing weary of this process. Maybe I should've done more homework because I had no idea how much daily maintenance I was in for. I don't even bother painting my nails because I don't want to worry about chips, so just imagine having to polish them 8 times a day. Not fun and not pretty.

So yeah...feeling pretty worn down by now. Sorry not to have something more exciting or uplifting to report. :(

I posted a new photo from today (PO day 29), and I think the angle of the last picture (PO day 19) made them look better than they are. It's either that or I'm progressing in reverse. :-P

Today is post-op day 33. The day after my last sad/whiny post I began to see some subtle changes in the boobs. The right boob (which has the bigger implant) is rounding out nicely at the bottom, and the right one is creeping downward, too, but at a slower pace. I can now fit FOUR fingers between my collarbone and the top of the implant, so that's something to celebrate. I've been massaging as often and aggressively as I can -- typically between 6 and 8 times a day, taking 800mg vitamin E, wearing a tighter sports bra (C cup instead of D) for more compression. And guess what -- I'm starting to not hate them! I wouldn't go so far as to change my "worth it" rating from "not sure" to "yes," but at least I'm not saying "no."

Aside from the slowish progress, my latest concern is the visibility of the implant edges. In my latest picture I think you can see the edges now at the sides, but I'm hoping that will resolve as the breast tissue redistributes. For now, no pain and no serious issues (more knocking on wood). :D

It's been almost 6 weeks since my surgery and I'm still not in love with the boobs. Yes, they're looking better than they did in the beginning, but they've still got a long ways to go before I think I could find them acceptable. My latest complaint (because there's always something with me I guess) is that they are so stinking-huge and udder-like. And that's in addition to the fact that they still haven't dropped centrally behind my nipples and aren't quite round. I keep holding off on updating this thing thinking "any day now," but any day just hasn't been coming. So that's where I'm at today on day 41. Also thought I'd add that I was feeling less down until I reviewed the photos we took tonight (will upload for comparison).

My next doctor's appointment is in a week. I had been looking forward to maybe getting the ok to ditch the strap, but I'm thinking that might be overly optimistic. Blah. :(

Today I had my 6 week post-op visit and guess what? NO MORE STRAP!!!!! Ok, ok, I still have to wear it at night -- but during the day I'm free! The nurse said things are looking good, I need to "massage more" (as if that's even possible), and that they'll see me in 6 more weeks!

I also had a weird incision issue that cropped up yesterday, but the nurse said it was no big deal. I had a stitch sticking out (and POKING me), and my incision was kind of raw and weepy because the band of my bra had been riding up on it. She pushed the stitch back up into my skin (fun) and said I'd done the right thing by putting antibiotic ointment on it, but that I don't need to keep doing so and can resume using tape/scar strips.

That's all for now (and a pic!)

Has it really been seven weeks already? Time sure flies when you're having a nervous breakdown! The good news is that life has greatly improved since I got to stop wearing the strap during the daytime. Wearing "real" clothes again has been a great relief and lots of fun! I haven't bought any new clothes yet, and I desperately need to go shopping, but my old clothes have a new life to them now that I've got something to fill them out with. Each time I try something on from my closet I think, "AHA! So THAT'S what this is supposed to look like!" I still haven't mastered the art of dressing for my new figure, but I've definitely learned how to show them off. The attention they get in public is unreal -- and I'm more than OK with that! :D

There's very little that looks natural about them at this point, and I know they look "fake" when I'm showing cleavage and upper-pole action, but that doesn't bother me (or a large number of men, I've noticed). I'm not ashamed of my BA, so it doesn't matter to me that it's obvious for now. I'll be happier if they settle more, of course, but I am happy with how things are going. Now that they're looking better, I'm mostly concerned with how they feel. The left side, which has the smaller implant because there was more breast tissue to begin with, is firmer than the right and needs to drop more because it was more saggy to begin with. I'm still exercising my patience and giving it time before I seriously worry. It's probably a bit early for capsular contracture, and it moves very easily within the pocket, which is a good sign. I guess it's just another waiting game, and I'm becoming a pro at those!

I'm almost 8 weeks post-op, and the left boob is settling well but the right is being stubborn (see new pics). I'm worried that I'll need a revision to correct what appears to be a snoopy/waterfall deformity. The right side was the larger/saggier breast pre-operatively, and it received the smaller implant (425cc vs 475 on the right). It's another 4 weeks until my next post-op appointment, so for now I'm trying to be cool and keep up with my massages (8 times a day...grrrrr). At least they look great in clothes! :-P

I just had a quick appointment with my surgeon's nurse to have the left boob evaluated because it's being stubborn and not dropping. She said I do not have capsular contracture and everything is nice and soft and moves well. She said it appears to be an issue with the pocket (possible under-dissection/under-stretched), and she is having me come back on Tuesday to see if the surgeon can stretch it out with aggressive massage. Worst case scenario is I'd need to have the pocket revised, but I'd have to wait six months. We shall see what the doctor says on Tuesday...

Last week I posed a question in the Q/A section about my progress and whether it looked like a revision surgery was in my future. So far seven surgeons have responded, and while they unanimously said it's too early to tell, they sounded rather grim about it. Comments were along the lines of, "I would have expected your left breast to have dropped more by now," and "the best window of opportunity has passed." Some said I might need to revise the pocket and others said maybe a lift.

Today I saw my own surgeon and he said (of course) that everything's just fine! He showed me my immediate post-op photo on the operating table and pointed out the relative symmetry and accurate placement before the swelling took hold, and he said that I'm still "so early" in the process. He again pointed out that my pecs are strong, and that the muscles are just going to take time to relax and loosen their grip on the implants. To speed things along he did a "controlled stretch" on my left boob, which basically meant he pulled up on the skin/tissue and pushed down on the implant using lots of pressure. Next he injected Botox into both sides of the pocket on that same boob. Because Botox is a paralytic, theoretically it should help to relax the muscle. He said it will take 4-5 days before the Botox starts to work, and that I should see improvement within two weeks. For now he's got me wearing that damn strap again, and I'm supposed to get a new sports bra that will compress the everloving hell out of my boobs. He also said it'll be 6 months to a year before I see my true results. I said, "Ugh!" and "Dammit!" :-P

Next appointment is in two weeks. Fingers/toes/nipples crossed!!!

In two weeks I

After 10 weeks, I think I can finally say this surgery was not worth it. The Botox doesn't seemed to have helped anything. I thought I saw improvement a couple of days ago, but as of this morning I'm pretty sure the only thing holding my left boob down is the strap. I inadvertently fell asleep without it last night, and when I woke up lefty had ridden right back up. For two and a half months I've been stuck wearing these sports/surgical bras that hug the sides of my neck along with a strap, which means I've had to dress like a nun. It's not even a matter of dressing sexy and showing cleavage -- I can't even wear "normal" clothes. I'm not gonna lie -- it got old a long time ago.


I have a follow-up appointment with my surgeon next Thursday to evaluate my progress after the Botox (it will have been two weeks at that point), and I think I'm going to ask if I can ditch the strap since it hasn't shown any lasting benefit. I surely can't tolerate wearing this crap for another three months, which is how long he wants me to wait before considering a revision. In the meantime, I'd like to at least look good in clothes if I'm not going to look good naked.

Hola, everyone. Tomorrow afternoon is my next follow-up appointment and my surgeon will get to see for himself that the Botox hasn't really made any appreciable difference. Two weeks ago when he gave me the injections he said I should see results within a two week time period, but that it would be six months to a year before I see my final result. To be honest, I'm kind of pissed about that because I feel like that's an abnormally long time, and that it is at least in part due to his technique. I don't mean to discount the role my own anatomy has played in my results, but I don't think I was THAT bad before, and it's also interesting to me that another of his patients posted on here with concerns about her own frankenboobs. Of course she's very fresh post-op, and perhaps things will improve faster for her. Still, popular wisdom suggests things should look good at three months, and here I am with one nipple about half an inch lower than the other and still wearing a damn strap. Most ladies seem to do much better than this.


With that said, what I want to tell my surgeon tomorrow is that I don't think the strap is providing any lasting benefit, and that I'd like to stop wearing it now and go ahead and schedule a revision. I expect him (and his nurse) to tell me that it's too early to think of revising and that I need to keep wearing the strap indefinitely. They don't seem impressed when I tell them what a difficult time I've had having to wear it, and I recall the nurse commenting something along the lines of, "Well you're just going to have to adjust," the last time I brought it up. So what would you say and do if you were in my situation? Any and all advice is appreciated!

Well that was exciting! I don't want to feed the troll, but I do have a couple of things to say in response to all that business which occurred today. One, you guys are rad. I really appreciate the support. That was seriously amazing, and I thank you. Two, i admire and respect the quick work of the community managers. They were really on the ball. Three, I kind of wish all the comments had been preserved instead of being censored. I understand the reasons why, but I also feel like people should be aware of the potential response if you elect to share personal information on the internet. Sure, it's ugly -- but it's reality (seems like the theme of the day :-P). Four. ERMAGHERD DRERMER!!! Never thought I'd be in the eye of a storm like that!

Now on to the GOOD stuff! So I had my follow-up appointment with my surgeon today. First the nurse came in and examined me, and I told her I was unhappy with my progress and frustrated with having to wear a strap at this point. This time she was very sympathetic (I was on the verge of tears at times). She agreed that there was little to no change after having the Botox, and we talked about what the next steps for a revision might be. She said maybe I would benefit from having a lift, but that we should wait to hear what the surgeon said when he takes a look. Then she trimmed off a stitch I'd been "spitting" for the last week or so, which was a great relief.

When the surgeon came in, he eagerly asked how things were going, and I said there'd been no change. When he looked at them he said he thought there was a difference, and I said, "Well I disagree." He was just like, "oookkk..." (LOL -- I was feeling disgruntled and out of sorts). Next he did a manual exam and pronounced them "so soft." There's definitely no signs of capsular contracture at this point (knock on wood). He asked if I'd felt any difference after the Botox, and I said I hadn't. Then he said it may not have gotten in the muscle enough, and that he would try again. I told him to use a whole lot (:-P), but he said he wouldn't need to. In all I got three more shots of Botox, and he told me to come back in a week for a checkup. He also took a piece of tape (!!!) and taped my boob up so that it would stretch the desired area when placed in a compression bra. I was told its ok to wear the strap only at night when I'm sleeping, so yay!

Now on to the really interesting stuff. I don't know if I'm imagining it, but it totally feels like my left pec is really loosened already. Everything on that side is just so...relaxed feeling. That boob also feels suddenly softer. I'm cautiously optimistic for now...

It's only been one day since the second round of Botox injections, but I *think* I'm seeing improvement already! It looks like the bottom of the left side is rounding out, and when I squeeze it it doesn't ride back up. And that's a first! Although I was told I don't have to wear the strap during the day, I did anyway to encourage it to drop since I actually do feel the Botox relaxing the muscle this time. We'll see how things go over the next several days...

You can read part 2 of my Breast Implant journey, by clicking here.