Well ladies, after almost 12 years of having...
Well ladies, after almost 12 years of having implants I am ready to let them go. My story starts off like many others, I had just moved away to college, I was 19 years old, and I thought I was missing something because I had small breasts (barely a 32A). I am not kidding when I say that I would "wish upon a star" to grow boobs. So right before spring break of 2002, I went to a PS that I found online to see about implants. The next day, I was implanted with under the muscle saline implants through my armpit. I don't remember much else except that the pain of recovery was absolutely excruciating. I couldn't bathe myself or even pull my own pants down to use the restroom for several days - my roommate took care of me. I only told my mom (who was disappointed) and my roommate and no one else; I wanted it to be a secret - although the change in my figure was so obvious!
I always felt very embarrassed of the implants. It was always only a matter of time before someone would start their question to me with "Can I ask you something??" and I already knew what the question was..."Are those real?" I hated it! I wanted to crawl inside a hole and cry.
Anyway, fast forward several years and I really started to become concerned that my implants would give me problems. I would have nightmares where one boob had like slipped down to my belly button; it was so weird. Anytime I had a weird symptom (like a swollen, painful lymph node), I would wonder if it was my implants poisoning me. At ten years I really started to think about replacing them due to age but I have small children and didn't really have the time to deal with it. I was afraid to start researching it for what I might find out...and I didn't even want this to be in my internet search history (I've been w hubby for 8 years and we had never talked about my implants). And yes, I had three children with my implants and nursed all of them - two for more than a year each. Now I have had my implants for almost 12 years and I have gained the self-acceptance and the courage to remove them. I will post pics because I know looking at other pictures on this site and reading stories has helped me so much. I am scheduled to have my boobs deflated (my choice) in the office on 2/27 and then I will
have the implant shell removed on 3/6.
5'4'' 105lbs - no weight gain
went from small 32A to 32C
no complications - implants actually look pretty good, I just don't want them!
Here are some Pre-BA pics
Sorry these are so cheesy - my roommates and I thought it would be fun to take sexy pictures. LOL! But now I'm glad I had kept them because I had forgotten what I looked like. Small, but I'm a small person for goodness sake! Looking back I don't see what was so bad :( These were taken in late 2001.
And here is a photo taken shortly after my BA
All I see now in this pic are big, round balls sticking out of my chest.
And some Pics I just took to show before removal
This is what I have 12 years after BA and after nursing my three boys. Not too terrible I guess, but I'm just over them! I've always thought they were too big for my small frame.
I will be getting deflated on Thursday. I go from feeling excited to feeling scared. Then I feel guilty for even worrying about it...after all there are folks out there with real problems! All I have to worry with are how my boobs will look. Geez! I have to remind myself that even if I end up with flat, wrinkly, pancakes it will be better than the implants. I have a family portrait that I refuse to hang because all I can see are my implants! I swear one boob is bigger than my entire face; just looks ridiculous. I will let you know how it goes, and post pics and after my deflation in case anyone was interested in doing it this way.
Hello Ladies! Well, as promised, I am here to report back and post some pics after my implant deflation. Everything went just fine. The Dr. numbed each breast first (I barely even felt that part), and then the rest was completely painless. They stuck a needle in with a tube attached, and the saline emptied out into a small bucket. The only thing I felt was pressure, because the Dr. and nurse were both putting a lot of pressure and squeezing my boobs to get all of the saline out. I was a little shaky, but that was due to nerves, not pain. I was laying down flat so I couldn't see anything that was going on. I'm not going to lie, this feels quite bizarre. I've had these implants for my entire adult life, almost half of my lifetime, so it's just a strange sensation to have them there one minute and not the next. I am very deflated looking right now, and as it shows in the pictures, you can see a lot of the implant shell sticking out/pointing in weird ways, making my boobs kind of deformed looking. The nurse assured me not to freak out about how they look now since the skin has to retract, the breast has to fluff up, and the shell needs to be removed. I feel a little emotional, but overall I think I'm really going to like having my small boobs back. Itty Bitty Titty Committee....I'm back!
48 hours after deflation - a little better??
I actually feel like a see a little bit of improvement after only a couple of days. Still have scary skeleton tits, but it gives me hope that I will continue to improve! :) As you can see on the side views, I'm pretty concave and flat. It's amazing to me that I'm not super upset about how I look right now! I still feel optimistic and very glad that those implants are gone (well almost, lmao!). I'm soooo ready to get the shell removed. I can't wear my padded sports bra because it pushes the points created by the folded implant shell into my skin and it hurts. Ugh! Anyone else look this bad and see lots of improvement as the weeks passed??? Keeping fingers crossed!
Surgery Success! Implant Shells Removed
I just wanted to post a quick update with some pictures. My surgery was so easy. My implant shells were removed in office, under local anesthesia, from under the breast incisions. It was quick and painless. Some pain did set in a few hours later after the anesthesia wore off and I was a bit nauseous the nest day; but overall not too bad at all. I did not have any of the scar capsule removed, and I convinced my doctor not to give me drains (yay!) - if necessary, he said he would remove any fluid via needle at my 2 week post-op.
I also wanted to give a big Thank You to all of you for your thoughts and support. This site has been priceless to me while going through this! You girls are amazing!
1 week post op
small boobs are underrated :)
2 weeks post op
Here are my 2 week post op photos. As you can see, there has not been much change (yet??); I'm still hoping to get some of that "fluffing" that I've read about. I don't mind being small and flat, but I do hope that the "concave" look goes away. Even in a 32 A bra, the top half of the bra cup is completely empty. My favorite thing to wear right now is a stretchy bra with the little inserts to give me shape ($5 from WalMart). I have to say though, that even with how my breasts look (most gals look wayyyyyy better) I LOVE being small, and the explant was totally worth it. In the right shirt, I feel totally confident. Also, I visited my dad recently, and it was the first time in all these years that I have not tried to hide my chest/avoid hugging him; being around my dad with my implants was always the worst!
12 month Update
Hi. Well, its' been a year since my decision to explant. I do want to apologize for not keeping up with questions - I will try to provide some answers now :) I am still happy about my decision to remove my implants, even though what I've ended up with is not that great...I simply have no breast tissue. BUT being implant fee=awesome. I really hated them at the end! My breasts never "fluffed". The skin continued to retract some, and my scars have faded quite nicely but that's about it. I will post some update pics when I get to my desktop. I've have been reading up on realself again because I may be interested in doing a fat transfer to my breasts to fluff them up a bit - I will have a consultation with the infamous Dr.Bednar in Charloette, NC to see if I even have enough fat to bother. If I don't, that's fine. No more implants for me, that's for sure.