Transforming and building a love for myself - Riverside, CA

I am so afraid that they're going to have to remove my breasts/nipples/ad or more breast tissue. I haven't heard back from anyone yet. Two and a half weeks ago my PA's office called and told me that they are trying to get my insurance approved at Loma Linda, so fingers crossed that I hear good news. I'd love to finally love myself, and look beautiful.

Hey gals, sorry I've been away so long. I think about this site often, and hope everyone is doing okay. But unfortunately I've been away simple because I couldn't for the longest time form the words to match my thoughts, my feelings, and ailments. I've never quite healed, and I battle they way I turned out everyday. Everything is fine until I look in the mirror. The worst thing that bugs me is how my plastic surgeon never even called me after my 500th follow up, never called me after my biopsy, never called me to see if I even healed at all. Heh.....some kind of professional. Look, I know that this surgery was covered by insurance, but my life matters to me, my body, and my body image matters to me. I am NOT cheap, I am not a lab rat that they can just cut me open and leave me DEFORMED. I look like [RS bleep]. And I feel like it too.... I am so sorry for the vulgarity, but I have to deal with this everyday. My breasts stick to my bra and create a crust on the insides, my nipples itch like crazy and they bleed, my breasts are flaky, discolored, course and thick like hide, they are uneven...I look like a walking corpse. :( I wish my doctor knew that some days I don't wish to go on. I wish he knew what it's like to feel the way I do. I wish he cared. And I feel so stupid for ever thinking that he was like...the messiah of all doctors. I hate myself for ever getting this reduction, and I hate myself even more knowing that I'll never be the way I was before.

I went to go to my second opinion follow up in November, the lady did nothing but tell me a sappy story, it didn't make me feel better. She told me that one day I'll find someone who will love me for the way I am, but I don't want that I want to run around topless without worrying about my scars looking like F***ing nipples!! She told me to return in the time that would have made a year, February...I call to make an appointment and they tell me that they are no longer seeing my insurance group, YAY!!! :D So now I can't see them. I go to my PA and show her what is wrong and she is taken aback, she didn't even know what happened to me, what really blew me away was that she ha never seen Dr. Childer's work turn out this way, I am the first one. Well lucky me!!! Everything is basically shot to [RS bleep] from here. I haven't heard back from anyone.....I guess I'm not that important to them. After all, they're just breasts, right?

Things aren't doing so great at all. I think this has to be one of the worst thing's I've done to myself. :( It's a miserably lonesome feeling knowing you can't reverse a body modification. I'd never imagine me to be one of the unlucky few to be going through such disfiguration and turmoil. I'm sure if I were someone "important", like a celebrity, everything would be perfect. But I feel like a no body... I was very unlucky to have this out come. Hopefully things actually heal and grow into it'self and maybe, just maybe one day I can laugh at all this melodrama. -_-