Wanting to Give Myself the Best 30th Birthday Gift I Ever Could: a Second Chance at a Healthy Body - Portland, OR

Ok. Here we go. The weight is starting to creep off again (thank goodness) and there's definitely a major difference between now and the night before my surgery. A couple things: 1. This is not easy IN THE SLIGHTEST. I repeat: NOT EASY. You have to work out or the weight won't come off. You have to eat right or the weight won't come off. You have to eat the right amounts. You have to drink an insane amount of water. I read it over and over again before I had surgery and hoped it wouldn't be true (because there are always one or two people who seem to have amazing results without doing anything), but SURGERY IS NOT A MAGIC CURE. I also highly recommend you find a group or person who can give you advice and support through all of this. Your family may love and support you, but they can't give you an insider's view into this and they can't know what you're feeling. Someone who's already gone through it can, and they'll be the one(s) to keep you sane when things get tough. And I promise you, they will. You will invent new swear words based on how tough this is. It is worth it. I've found a gym for women that has a ton of different classes, all focused on being sassy and sexy. Turns out, I love dancing this weight off. I love stretching. I still don't love sweating, but I'm working on it. Who doesn't want to go to a workout class called Dance Party Hustle? Or Bendy Babes Yoga, where they play amazing pop hits from the 90's while you bend yourself into awkward positions and wonder why you're putting yourself through this. Turns out, when Destiny's Child is singing "I'm a survivor" you can hold that king Pigeon pose just a little longer. You can actually stay in a plank for more than two seconds. And that's pretty satisfying. Each day is a struggle (some monster brought donuts into work today), but I'm getting there. I'm 82 days out from surgery today. I'm going to keep working and keep logging my food. And I'll get where I need to go. Special shoutout to Melanie who I met on here and has become one of my closest friends. She's been my rock, my advisor, my hard slap in the face of reality when I'm trying to do something I shouldn't do or getting too down on myself, my encouragement and my sassy foul-mouthed therapist. Thank you for all you've done for me over these last few months! <3

I had my 6 week post-op check up last week. On that day, I weight in at 230lbs, which was a bummer for me because that meant I had only lost about 21 lbs since surgery. My doctor assured me that this was a great start and my weight loss was going well, so I took heart and left the appointment feeling a bit better. Flash forward to a week later, and I haven't lost a pound. My weight drops a bit over the weekend then jumps back up during the week (pattern I've noticed, despite my food patterns not changing very much). I am discouraged and frustrated. And it's starting to show. My cravings are coming back. The evil little whispers in the back of my brain that keep saying "just one bite won't hurt anything" are getting louder...and it really screwed me over yesterday, flooding into today. My office had cake yesterday. An employee of 30 years was retiring, so two giant Costco sheetcakes were brought in. And I was doing great. Avoided the whole thing, had some salad, was hanging out at my desk. And then, I don't know why since I'm not even a sweets fan, I walked in and snuck a bit of frosting. And BLAM- the addiction was back. I was insane. I ate a piece of cake, spent the entire night thinking about it, came back today and ate TWO MORE PIECES OF CAKE. And then I washed it down with A SLICE OF PIZZA! I think it's clear that I have obvious trigger foods, and I need to avoid them. Lesson learned. No more sweets for me, no more office goodies. I need to shop and stick to my groceries and cook food myself. Today was absolutely insane. I'm horrified that I did it, I'm horrified that my stomach let me without a single negative gurgle, and I'm horrified at what my scale will say tomorrow. Obviously I need to start working out, but frankly it scares me. Why? I don't know. I don't like being the fat girl in gym classes, I hate looking like I don't know what I'm doing, and I'm super pale and any time I exert any sort of physical effort I immediately turn bright red. People stare and ask if I'm ok, and it's embarrassing. I hate it. But the weight isn't coming off and I'm wasting precious "active losing" time, and obviously sitting around is just pushing me towards eating poorly like I did before. It's time to get my tush in gear. Man it's been a rough few days.

I tried eating a salad yesterday. It had turkey on it and I definitely made a point to eat that first, but occasionally I would nibble on a piece of spinach, a slice of tomato or a green pepper. Ten minutes later I was having really rough stomach cramps the likes of which I have never experienced before. Not pleasant at all, definitely don't plan on doing that again any time soon. On that note, I've been eating a LOT of refried beans. They're easy, they're quick and they're virtually everywhere, so I never have to worry about missing a meal because I can't find something to eat. I eat between 3-4oz and I'm stuffed. So that's pretty cool. But I'm getting bored and would love any recipe recommendations people have for post-surgery life. I hate cooking and know I need to embrace it, but it's so tough when none of the recipes I've tried have much flavor and are a lot of work to get done. Anyone have any favorites? I haven't lost weight in a couple days. I've found not comparing my journey to that of people who are more successful very difficult. I've lost 26 pounds since surgery. I had a friend lose 22 pounds in the first 9 days after surgery. That's a little rough to handle. I'm really looking forward to being able to work out again. One more week to go!