5'3", 110lbs, A to B cup- Portland, OR

Well, here I am, where everyone else has been, where I've been reading and reading and obsessing about a ba forever....

I decided I wanted a ba maybe a month ago. Never seemed to be a big deal to me until I found this site... I called to make an appointment for 2 consults this thursday, w/ 2 different doctors, and asked that I be moved forward because I would want an Aug 14 surgery. The first lady on the phone gulped, heard "cha-ching" and rushed me to the schedule. The second scheduler had this rolled eyes attitude repeating to me "So, lemme get this straight, you want to come in 2 days from now for your first consultation for your first plastic surgery ever, to take place in a couple weeks before you have even met the doctor. Is that right?" It sounded a bit impulsive when restated back to me. I don't know. I told my mom, I've done all the thinking I can do on the matter, really. There are risks, yes. But the timing is going to be sucky no matter what, and my job will stay the same, my work duties will stay the same, my time off is the same no matter what, so what's the use in not?

I'm 27, I've ALWAYS been impulsive as long as I've known myself. But I've also been a 32AA my whole life, I haven't had kids, I don't want to, and I dunno, why not get 'em?

If anyone wants to weigh in, please do!

I'm feeling too lazy to take before pics, and these are all I got. If I go through with the procedure I'll take a same day pre op pic. Little bitty barely a bee stings. Actually, I've seen larger bee sting welts, no joke!

How did you girls weigh out the risks? My partner and my mom are really the only ones I've talked to about it, and both are very unhappy about me making this decision... They say (as I've read in many other stories on here), you don't need them, you're beautiful, skinny, you'll look fat with bigger boobs, you're risking your life, it's so expensive.... you know the drill.

So I've been on here, and LOVE the amount of support girls on here provide. My partner suggested that I weigh the sides equally; that I read one Breast Implant removal story after every success story. Have any of you visited that section? I want to be realistic about it, but does anyone else read them and think, "but that wont be me"? Me? Me! I'm the "it wont be me" queen! 2 years ago I was hit by a sneaker wave on the coast here. I wasn't in the water, was minding my own business, and bam, hit me, broke my knee sideways. 4 people a year this happens to...4! And I visit the coast mayyyybe once a year. What are the odds? Back to boobs, many other stories of random things I said would never be me.

A list of concerns, how have you all addressed them with yourselves? Please do comment, I need reasonable advice.
1. They aren't permanent. -- At some point I'll take them out. Maybe because one drops weird, busts, it's 10 years later and I'm saggy, maybe I want bigger ones, for whatever reason, I will not be taking these implants to the coffin with me. Do I really want to go down this path considering the time commitment (off work especially), and cost?
2. It's a ticking time bomb, I never know when my body will demand new ones. It may be during a time of layoff, horrible boss who wont let me have time off, another crisis like the fridge and oven break down at the same time. Point is, my luck it will be when every warranty in the house is up that everything goes haywire including the boobs in the house.
3. Toxicity. Funny that my health comes third, lol. But toxicity. Leakage. Breakage. Stories on the explant section of feeling sick, fatigued, fiber myalgia symptoms. This also impacts work, money, and quality of life. Are funbags worth my health?
4. My body rejects them. Similar to health, but more specific. I'm not 100% convinced my body will be ok with them. When I got my lip, nipple and second earhole pierced (all different times) my body rejected every. single. one. Cysts developed around my lip, pockets of permanent puss, pain in my nipple which over a year never healed fully, oozing and scabbing, itchy and irritated. I was CONVINCED that when they put silicone in instead of metal it got worse, because every time my skin got more agitated when they put silicone piercings in. Every single one had to be taken out permanently. I know it's HIGHLY possible it was my fault. That I was a heavy smoker at the time. My saltwater rinsing solution to cleanse the wound was too salty,. But part of me wonders if my body just does not respond well to foreign objects. It simply rejects them.
5. My aunt nearly died in the hospital when her silicone implant broke. Another aunt's skin stretched so bad within the first year she looked like an old lady with nylon sacked pool balls hanging around her neck. She needed 2 different surgeries to correct it. Will I carry on the family curse?
6. Maybe I wont like them. My confidence is pretty high, honestly. I don't feel bad about my chest size, I think of it just like a tattoo. I want one. Who looks at their bare arm and says, "I'm so ugly without skulls and dragons, I need them to walk confidently into a store"? Few. That's how I think of boobs. They'd look fun and be fun. But is $7500+ worth that? Also, I fear they'll make me look fat. I look think due in part to my lack of boobs. Don't the Europeans feel that way? Are boobs going out of fashion in the fashion world?
7. Lastly, and least importantly to me (lol), cost. My job ends in December. I initially thought maybe when I'm laid off I'll have all the time in the world to recover. Then I realized, no way, I'll be job hunting and need to be back to full functionality by then because I couldn't tell a potential employer, "you should hire me! Right after these next 3 weeks, also I wont be able to lift much." It will cost me $7500 not counting time off work, bras, recliner, and other stuff to make my recovery more comfortable. Instead of using our savings on what was supposed to be a downpayment on our house and reserves for when I lose my job, we are spending it on a surgery that could endanger my health and inevitably costs more money in the long run. My partner says he'll support me, but is this selfish and foolish to use all out savings?

Anyway, this was a forever long post. But I had to get it on paper. Er, screen. Thoughts are welcome. I'm thinking of maybe even messaging someone on the explant board to have them weigh in. It's hard to get a reasonable opinion because the doctor wants me to buy his services, my close ones don't want it, explanters already must not like them, and we ba'ers all think, that wont be me, the odds are low. Wish this wasn't such a taboo subject!!! Argh!

Well, met with 2 doctors yesterday. (I'll post about that experience separately).

Left the second doc with some 3D imaging. I went in and told him exactly what I was thinking. That I'd never heard of it, but that I wanted to go from an A to a B cup. Just a bit bigger, not much. I feel the same as other ladies say "I'm paying so much for this, I WANT them to look noticeable." But at the same time, my partner had to remind me that this isn't about getting the best value of size per dollar, it's getting what I wanted going into this, a subtle, natural B. As far as I'm concerned, I can't even fit an A cup! I'm actualllllly jumping 2 cup sizes. The doctor was understanding, and noted that given my small frame and lack of body fat, they wouldn't be able to hide a larger implant with my current skin and tissue.

He did some measurements, and is going to give me the smallest they sell really. Any smaller, and it's apparently a more difficult custom order. We're going between a range of 176 and 210. He said it's small enough cc's to do fat grafting, and said real fat would look much more natural, but after a few pinches here and there, he said I don't have enough body fat to take from anywhere. (They usually go for the love handles) That made me realize perhaps I need to put on a bit of weight. I'm 5'3.5" and I went down from 150lbs to 108lbs over the past 3 years (THREE YEARS LADIES, it wasn't unhealthy kamikaze style, I simply got clean and sober after just 3 years of drinking in my life... a story of its own) . I thought my ideal weight was 105 like when I was 16 years old, but getting measured made me realize that I'm too low on body fat for that, so I'm staying put.

Believe it or not, the imaging is what I'd look like after. One of the pics has the before image. I'm flat. I was once an almost-B when I was at my heaviest and on birth control. But with my activity level and goals, I'm honestly just fine with saving up some money and going bigger later on. These are not lifetime devices, so I'm making myself wait at least 5 years (assuming there are no complications with the implants), and if I want to, I'll go bigger. That's only about 1-2k a year savings, and I think it's totally doable if I don't need any kind of follow up surgery for anything.

So there you have it. I'm calling the office to make a date for the first week of November. That way I have a week to heal, and I come back after Vetrans day!

Thanks for being here ladies!

All I've been able to do is look at boobs. I'm going crazy I want them so bad. I wish November would just hurry up and get here. I try to look up "wish boobs" but it's impossible to looks them up without getting a bunch of smut on my google search.

Anyway, I'm leaning closer and closer to the Sientra moderate profile... I'm trying to research how things come out for around 200cc's when there's no real "crease" to hide the scar since I'm doing the breast fold incision. I dont want it to look like a dark scar on top of a Dairy Queen ice cream cone. It's going to be under the muscle. Anyone have any website suggestions? There's really only 5 reviews on here I could find going form A to B...

Until I hear from you ladies, here are some wish boob photos.

Ok, so now I get why you girls came up with this term. Because the more boob pics I see and the more I think about it, the more boob I want. I keep looking over the size I chose, 150-180; and then I read all the doctor's responses on here and other women who did 200cc's and I think 'but what if I get them in and they are too small?' I know, it's the #1 thing girls say. But I'm talking 20cc's here, they say that's like a shot glass right? The absolute top for me is capped at 210, so I'm resting easy that I wont look like a barbie when I'm done (just not for me). I really want to come out very natural, and like a hot hipster (hey, I live in Portland, don't blame me!).

I've firmly decided that this BA is what I want to do. I believe I've hit the point of "not going to be talked out of it" stage. I still read at least 4 explants stories a day so I can know what to expect over time or in case something happens. And I read a million BA stories). I've oscillated back and forth so much with all the freaking time I have until the dang surgery. This is why I wanted it soon, all this time makes me go anxious and crazy. I'm going to try to schedule an appointment with a psychologist first, just to make sure someone who isn't related to me and who is outside of my head can listen to me speak about it and help me to confirm I'm doing it for all the right reasons. I read so many women write on the explant side they wish they would have stopped and thought about their motivations and worked some of those things out before a BA. So I figure preventative care is important. It's not about the money for me. That's not a big deal. I'll spend $2000 if I need to if it helps me make sure I want a lifetime device with potential health risks. While I want this and am pretty set in my decision, professional advice is needed before I can make my mind up entirely.

In other news, I have an app on my phone that is counting down the days till my BA. 77. It's excruciating to watch almost, because I swear it hasn't changed. I live in a perpetually rainy city, & usually hate thinking about fall rain and ick weather coming, but my BA is making me want summer to move along already.

I read on another girl's blog she wished this site had a chat option, because some nights I can't sleep I'm on this so long. Literally like 5 hours a day. I give Facebook maybe 10 minutes now adays. I keep thinking, will I have anyone to write or chat with after the op?? No one but my parents and my partner know about the BA, and I'm scared of being lonely and bored afterwards when I have a week off work. Anyone else out there feel lonely and isolated about having a BA? Anyone else scared they wont have anyone who cares about you or misses you while you're away?

Ok, some more boob pics I found that I hope to aim for.

I just wan to get the surgery already! I have never been known for my patience and hate waiting. I just want it to be here now. I looked at my countdown app and saw that I was 55 days away. It seems like for-ever. So I called my surgeons office to see if it could be moved up a week. I'm planning on going on a long road trip the second week of November, so this actually works because I'll be further along in my healing.

Boob greed has continued. After looking at pictures of breasts, I've decided that I agree with many review that say fake books visually look smaller, but measure bigger. My concern is that my sillies (my new nickname for silicone) will lose volume, and because I want the regular sillies and not the cohesives anymore, that they will lose volume under the muscle. My ps is doing half under the muscle, is that the same as what everyone else does?

I just know that by the time I get them, I'll be wondering why I made such a big deal about them and obsessing over size, but I just want them to be here now and I'm not patient at all, haha.

Oh, and as far as surgeon, I'm not going to reveal it on here until it is fully done. Based on what happened to @Smalltots. When she shared her personal experience with the office staff of her Birmington, AL ps William Hedden, and wrote about what good work he did but bad office staff treatment and chaotic nerves before her op, he RESPONDED IN HER COMMENTS SECTION all defensively about it, told her it was probably her fault for not getting enough sleep the night before, and was generally a defensive ass to her. Uh... no-thank-you I do not want to invite my ps to take the liberty to comment on my blog mid treatment. I don't think my surgeon would ever do that because he has nothing but 100% positive things to say online, 100% positive online reviews, and %100 positive word of mouth reviews. My partner is an attorney, and also looked up a background check on my surgeon vs a competitor I was looking at choosing. We found malpractice suits and read court documents on the competitor (which he denied and publicized online he never had), and mine was squeeky clean. I also asked both surgeon what they thought of the other, the ps I chose was professional and said kind (and true) things on the other doctor. The competing doctor said nothing nice about my ps and stooped so low as to speak poorly about my ps's looks and the looks of his office staff. Tacky! The point is, I did my research on my ps, and I'm paying more than the local average cost for this surgery because I trust him. But if he botches it, hell yeah, I'm going to be open about it. but I'm going to wait until there is no chance for retaliation on his side mid treatment.

Anyway, I'm absolutely obsessing about boobs. Not a day goes by that I haven't thought about them. I wish I could get to that place where I can make my brain be calm...

I know how dysfunctional this sounds, but after this big long wait, and after putting this boob job off when I originally wanted it in August... I'm less than one month away and there may be something getting in the way of it. My job was supposed to end at the end of the year. I was kinda stoked. My plan was to get boobs in November, rest up for a month, and be ready to go in December when my job ends so that I could start my search off, and collect unemployment for a couple months. Well, I've now heard from multiple sources (including my boss) that a manager at a competing company has been asking around about when my contract ends, since he has a very well known opening in my industry.

I really wasn't concerned. I am educated, creative, and have been working in my field for 5 years. (Sounds like a lot, but I still get called an intern and college kid at my work, even though I have never been an intern, and was out of college for 3 years by the time I graduated, and I graduated a couple years late from college... danged boomers!) Anyway, my plan was perfect. At least I thought. Now it all may be ruined by my danged job search. My partner is freaking out that I wont have an income soon, and I'm spending all my savings on boobs. I'm flattered that this ther company would be receptive to my application, but my boss said the company wants to hire someone "soon!" (His words) Ugh. If they are on the standard one month timeline... that means that the company would want me to start by beginning of November. Meaning thy would be interviewing around the time of my surgery. I never thought I would hear myself say this, but I want these danged boobs so bad and have been waiting so long, I almost would turn down the job if it competed for my BA timing.

My mom and partner were glad to hear of this news, especially since they've both been against the BA from the beginning. My mom said that it might be a sign that this BA isn't meant to be, and I'm a huge believe in subtle cues in life pointing me in the right direction. I can't deny it being a sign if that either wanted me to interview or start, non-negotiable, around the time of the BA. But even so, I'd be really stinking mad about it. I'm so close darnit. I almost want to clear my calendar, and do it next week for fear that it wont happen later.

Ladies, I feel so confused, and frustrated, and stressed, and anxious. And like many of you have done before me, I'm getting it all down in front of people who may understand. I feel crazy. Especially after telling myself the didn't matter that much. But it's almost like when I quit smoking, I said it was no big deal until I tried to do it, and then it was a really big freakin deal... I know I just need to be patient, and stop stressing about the unknown, but I feel like my head is spinning out of control with worry.

Anyway, I've been trying to limit the amount of time I'm on here obsessing about boobs. But hopefully in a few weeks time I'll be blogging about how well the surgery went, and not how stressful a new job is.

Until then, good night.

So, thanks to another member of this site, Boobtastic, I'm feeling much better about this BA. She's right, at this point, less than one month away, there's really no calling off unless it's something that I can't avoid. An interview I can reschedule to be the day before or a few days after. I especially loved her comment, "you might not feel great, but pile on the concealer." Had me laughing all day!

As for size. I've read so many reviews of women who went 280 and came out too small for their liking. I'm concerned about this. I've now changed my mind that I want to be a small Cish, but not a B (within reason, a B here or there depending on the brand is no big deal). The rice sizer's I've tried on were ity bitty. So I'm going to try and rock some 280 rice sizer chesticles. 280 because I'm just going to assume 20ccs is lost due to the dual plane placement.

I've modified my search to expand to more than just googling, "small pretty boobs." I've switched my search to "pretty boobs" on Tumblr, which I highly recommend over google and pinterest for wish boobs. Although, let's just say I work in government, and I would never pull up Tumblr (or this site really) at work. If you're new to tumblr it can be VERY graphic. I follow some blogs with good options for wish boobs I'd be happy to share.

Here are some pictures of my modified wish boobs, with commentary on my hopes in the caption.

Oct. 25 is my pre-op!

Jazz hands and glitter to you all!

More pics... it's not like on facebook, I started to forget what pictures I'd posted because I couldn't see the preview on them. Hee hee, anyone else had that happen?

Ok, lastly, if anyone out there read my long tirades on here which are comparable only to Russian novels (War and Peace anyone), then somewhere hidden in my many words on the screen I wrote that I didnt want to come out looking like "Barbie." I hope I didn't offend with that statement, I really meant that in the traditional doll, she has long impossible legs a teeny waste and wha-baam, boobs like whoa. A great look on some women. But alack, alas, I am 5'3" and 105, so I've missed out on the tall slim train.

But, what I really meant was that I totally want to be barbie. Hipster barbie! Here's more of a sample of my style. I'm Portland, what else would you expect?? Lol. :)

I wish I would have chosen the name HipsterBarbie... lol.
I'm 27, no kids, 5'3", 110lbs (my weight keeps fluctuating lately), 30"-24"-32", I'm narrowish and PS told me my implant can't exceed 10.9 width. Def going under muscle (partially).

I need your help girls! I couldn't feel more lost. I STILL can't choose what size/style I want. I know ultimately my PS has the decision, but his attitude has been, "Whatever you want." (Mostly because I'm restricted by my width, tissue, etch and can't go bigger than 300 anyway) I'm thinking 240-290 now based on input from other girls? I just want to be a C with no chance to be a D cup.

I don't know if I'm going for silly gels or silly gummy bears. I don't think I want high rounded, though I'm hearing that looks good on smaller women. My boobs are naturally quite high, with a short distance between my chin and nips. (I'm short, asian, and nature just wont allow me big boobs) I want a gradual slope (see some of the pics) and thought that silly gels would give me that, since I see a lot of boxy looks coming from anatomical teardrops. I'm very, very, very concerned about feel. I understand gummy bears are significantly firmer (quoting my PS). I'm worried that since they are textured they wont "D&F" and might end up higher with a less natural look...

If you've had yours done already, please weigh in. (Or even if not, I love all you girls and all your support!)

Thanks girls.

Well, I spent this weekend getting all the stuff I saw all you other girls getting ready with. Funny thing is my PS didn't offer any list of what I might need, and I've gotten 100% of my supply from reading RS.

Staying at my mom's the first day or two after surgery, so I got it all ready in her guest room.
- Got the best deal ever on my pillow with arms I'm super excited! It's really good quality and firm. I hunted Walmart, Target, Ross, and after all that Bed Bath & Beyond had not only the cheapest, but he best quality = $25!
- I'm not sure what my appetite will be so I got some chocolate Ensure drinks.
- Based on previous surgeries, I remember I had a hard time both eating and drinking water because of the pain medicine. And after reading about the importance of hydration and protein for healing, I'm making sure I have Pedialyte in case I don't want the shake either. I'm sure I'll be fine by the second day, it was just cheapest to buy more.
- Apple sauce for an east on the stomach something to take pills with.
- Saltines
- I got Palmer's Coco Shea Butter from Walgreens for $7 since other girls said using it before and after prevents stretch marks. I started using that yesterday.
- I ordered Maderma for scars once I'm allowed to start treating them.
- I got a 4 pack of bras from Walmart, but I'm not sure they're gonna fit. I'm a 30"-32" rib cage, and these ones were labeled 34", but they seemed tight on me even now... hrm.
- So I also ordered a medium sized Nike (hot pink!) front zipping sports bra half prized on Ebay for 25 bucks, so I'm excited for that to come.
- I have a couple bottles of Bromelian left over from my acupuncturist last year, and that's supposed to help with swelling.
- I'm waiting for Arnica Montana to help with pain once I'm done with the pain pills.
- I also got Smooth Move tea for constipation.
- And lastly, wet wipes because I may not be able or up to showering. Phew.

The only thing I'm bummed about is that my mom's spare guest room doesn't have a TV in it, so hopefully I'll feel well enough to get up and go into the other room to watch TV. Because otherwise I fear being super board :-(

Did any of you ladies watch TV or movies right away? Or was that a second day thing after all the anesthesia wore off?

And finally, here are some wish pictures for boobs in case it helps any of you other girls out there still looking for "the look" you're going for.

PS: Anyone come up with really clever favorite slang words for boobs? Some funny ones I saw: Beer Tokens, Love Decoys, and my partner made up Happysacks! Haha!

~Silly Hugs, everyone!~

Hope it helps someone out there

I'm going to do a brief update before I head into work this afternoon. I'll post some pre-op photos and another blog later.

So I had my pre-op appointment on Friday morning. In my appt I was so very undecided my PS recommend I come in today for a second time before the surgery to make sure I was firm on my implant choice. I'm embarrassed to say, I'm no more confident now than I was on Friday. I'm positive this is just pre-op nerves. I also think that even if I had two years longer to think on it, I still wouldn't lean heavily toward one implant over another because I don't have a crystal ball and can't predict exactly what they will look like. I'm still disappointed that the sientras are more firm than the Natrelles style 15s. I want the anatomical aspect that the sientras offer, but I want them to feel natural. I also feel uncomfortable with a scar under my boob. I'm asian so I scar really dark and it stays dark for a long time. The dr. didn't seem to think that the smooth rounds through the armpit would give me the look I'm going for, natural and with a low projection point. It sounds like the arm pit is more challenging with a less certain outcome, so I feel like if the choice is between not perfect boob shape and a scar on my armpit or better looking shape and a scar under, well, I guess I'll have to go with what looks better.

I'm so terrified of hard boobs. I'm so terrified of a dark scar. I really hope I can get through this uncertainty and come to the calm feeling other women describe right before surgery.

Anyway, I still need to clean up, finish some sewing projects, and wrap up things at work. Not to mention filling my prescription and all the other pre surgery stuff I need to do.

But first I need to breathe!!! Did anyone else out there feel totally out of control before their surgery?

So here are some pre-op photos. Tonight I'm going to take lots of pics in all my bikinis to get a good before and after.

I tried on 300cc's of rice under my clothes at work. Everyone that knows me there (it's an office) kept staring at me funny. It reminded me of when I was thinking of tattooing eyebrows on, because I'm asian and dont really have eyebrows. So I went to a tattoo makeup artist and asked her to pencil in what the eyebrows would look like. Man, that day EVERYONE stared at me. I could tell they were wondering if it was a joke or if they should mention it... Some did that day.

No one said anything about the boobs. My PS laughed at me, and told me that he's never had a patient in his career tell him they tried rice bags. I was thinking, really? I read about it all over RS! Some docs recommend it, in fact, I found the instructions on another PS's website. But I decided that I wouldn't go big. I'm settled on 234 round anatomical. Height and width are the same at 10.1cm They have a projection of 5cm, which is much larger than their non-cohesive sisters. I don't know if you can tell, but I dont have much starting tissue. I measure 10.5 BWD, and 18 nipple to collarbone. My PS said many women similar to my size are at least at a 20-22. If you're reading this and thinking bout surgery, I'm 5'3" ish and 110lbs. (Gained some weight because when I was at 105lbs, my family got mad at me for being that thin.)

In non boob news, I've gotten an email and marching orders to apply for another job. It was flattering to be personally requested to apply via email from the diector himself. Bad thing is that they wont offer benefits, and there's two jobs open, 1 lasting 6 months, the other 19.9 hours. But Obamacare is actually offering better coverage than my current HMO, so I might not be too badly off. I'll probably take the job because I don't want to be unemployed, but the sad truth is that the job they are offering me will actually have so few hours, such a far travel, and so little pay, I would be making more money with better healthcare being in unemployment! Haha. But I know that UE is there for me only when I have no other options, and I try to do the right thing. So I will take the job if I'm offered, as that is what would be expected of me if I was on unemployment. Anyway, please don't turn this into a political discussion, I'm just incorporating tidbits from my personal life because this all impacts the timing, cost, and stress surrounding my surgery. (Which I'm paying for myself and have saved up with my own money for 6 months for, and I am adamant I don't take public handouts so I can know morally no federal assistance went into paying for :-D) Hopefully if someone out there is facing something similar, they can relate.

Alright, I'll probably blog again later as my nerves will be in a bunch. Exactly 24 hours till I'm on Breasticle Island!!!!!

~Silly hugs to all~

I'm leaving here from my mom's now because she'll be taking care of me. Although, we'll see. She's worried about her dog getting into things she's already planning on leaving me home alone when I get home from surgery so she can take her dog to the vet. I was like noooo... How will I get up if I need to while she's gone? What if I get sick? This is all to much to stress over on the day of. Well, on a lighter note, I showed her my before pics and desired rice outcome, and I must say I never thought I'd be showing my mom topless pics! Haha!

well, here I am, on breaticle island. I must day

I meant tosay it does indeed hurt alot now then I anticipated. trying to watch movies and rest. I havent seen thm,yet but my mom and dad bo ththink they are too small sothat'sagood thing in my mine. cute little hipster boobs. for the win. will post pics later.
thanks somuch to the ladies on thIs wh oprovide amazing support, I love you all!

Thought I would upload a few shots. I'm in too much pain to take the surgical bra off. Is it normal to have nipples pointing so far downward? Please comment!

Well, here I am at day 2 post op. A lot of girls have written about what a breeze recovery has been, unfortunately I have not been so lucky pain wise. I've had a few major surgeries, so I knew what I was getting myself into, but I still haven't enjoyed the pain. Also, I seem to be experiencing the problem that other women describe, so backed up and can't "go" and I've tried two smooth move teas, and two prescribed stool softeners. No gas, no movement whatsoever. Maybe drink 2 smooth move teas in a row? I'm not sure at this point.

Today I called my PS, concerned I had a hematoma because I had this large welt developing on my side. It looked to me like I was growing a third breast growing under my armpit. The PS asked me to come in right away to take a look. It turns out that my skin is just so tight and my chest wall so petite, that the swelling had to go somewhere, and I guess that place is my underarm...

I sure can't wait till the swelling goes down and I can try on some bras. I seem to be at about a B cup from the looks of it, which I'm happy with. Now it's time for this swelling to move away from my pits and into the boobs. Just figures, my body has been hard wired since puberty to send fat running away from my boobs! Ha!

Well, can't wait for tomorrow because everyday seems to just get a little bit better than the last. I'll leave with some update pics.

Congrats out there to girls that have just gotten their BA's done today!!

Silly hugs!!

Hello lovelies!

Well, here I am today, at about 11 days post op and I'm doing amazing. I'm feeling more and more soft, round, and comfortable with my new boobs, and currently my biggest issue is getting them to drop lower. Since they're textured, this may be a challenge.

I'll fess up, I'm a baby. I've been through multiple surgeries before but I still don't enjoy or do well with pain. Staying calm through it is not one of my strengths. So, while I've not been on here updating much, I'm glad because I was a huge worrier and panicked about everything! I'm so impressed with the women on here back at work and caring for kids within the first three days, because truth be told all I did days 1-5 was whine about the pain, watch movies, a little bit of sewing, and took it easy around the house. By day 5 I still struggled grabbing things that I had to reach up for, and my boobs felt like they had been ripped off my chest then re-glued on. My PS saw me and started me on my bandeau, a strap that I wear 24/7 over my boobs to force them down; when it's on my brain goes fuzzy it hurts so bad. I felt pain and numbness on the breasts still at day 6, and had trouble sitting up when I laid all the way down. Day 7 I was still bloated, very swollen, and I was googling what was wrong with my boobs for riding so high stiff, and so painfully. I was sure that my boobs were going to be hideous. By day 9 a miracle happened. The swelling went down drastically and my really painful areas turned into bruises (healing process -- it's a good thing!). My nipples stopped being in pain to the point where I couldn't think. Today's day 11 I think, and I noticed the shape is starting to round out. Thank the high heavens! It's a good thing we start off with ugly boobs after surgery, because it sure makes us grateful for any improvement we get, haha. Even if my boobs were to freeze this way, I'd be ok with it.

Anyway, I'm on vacation right now, so I should probably get off here, but I'll add some more details about the progress soon. Here are some pics! Hope you all are doing fabulous :) Silly hugs!

Thought I’d update on what issues I’m facing in my recover process, and also, to ask other girls to comment on my concerns if you’ve experienced this.

Incisions, still painful when I walk. I find myself grasping my boobs, concerned, or wanting to cross my arms and hold them whenever I walk because of the pulling pain on the skin and the internal part of the incision. I’m having trouble because I’m not sure if it’s something that is really painful and should avoid, or is it that I’m just going to have to bear through it? My PS said I need to not baby them or be protective of movement for them because it’s normal and not painful, he re-framed it as “uncomfortable.” Am I just a baby?

Stretching. My PS said stretch any which way. More movement, the better. But I’ve been hunched since surgery because of the pain. When I sit up straight, it feels like I’m over stretching the inside capsule. Has my lack of movement and good posture caused my body to make scar tissue where there should be flexible movement? When I was healing from my knee surgery, I had to have a machine on my leg the first 2 weeks after surgery, painfully bending my leg for the sole purpose of stopping scar tissue from building where they needed to massive movement. Ladies, here’s my fear, some of you have mentioned over-stretching at this point in your healing to where you hear or feel an inside “pop.” I fear stretching and movement is so resistant from the tissues on the inside, I feel that quick movement will break or “pop” also. If you’ve experienced this, what was the response from your PS?

I will, of course, follow my surgeon’s instructions, but I want to make sure I’m just being a baby. If you’ve all felt this way, then I wont worry about calling my PS whining, “buuut I’m different, I cant move…”

What sorts of exercise/movement did you girls do the first 2-3 weeks out of surgery? My PS hasn’t released me for anything that gets my heartrate/blood pressure up. I’m thinking of doing stairs up until just before I feel like I’m working hard. I want to do sit-ups but I’m afraid that will work my precious healing pecks. Let me also throw out there, I NEVER exercise, and certainly didn’t before the surgery. And that leads me to my next concern:

Weight. I know, I know, don’t weigh yourself until well after swelling goes down, don’t worry about weight. But it’s like pregnancy, a few pounds here or there is ok, but lets not go overboard. I have gone overboard. I’ve gained maybe 10lbs, probably less, but the worst is the inches I’ve gained. I’m about 3+ inches larger around the waist, and can’t fit my jeans. It shouldn’t matter that much, but I’m already feeling post op blues, and not being able to button my jeans (literally!) is making me self conscious and gloomy. It’s hard to enjoy my new boobs when I’m so sad all around. I know it’s just the hormonal and mental effect from surgery, sedentary needs, and the other associated results. But if anyone out there has ever experienced clinical depression, you might relate to the disconnect of head and feelings. I feel sloppy, sluggish, and sad, but my head says, “hey, let’s go outside, let’s do something, look at those awesome boobs. Don’t listen to those feelings.” So I find myself coaching my icky feeling, but the weight is something tangible that I can see and feel, and it’s hard to counter mentally. Next:

Mentality. Like I said, I’ve been a bit blue. Lately, I’ve been really glad I didn’t tell anyone about my boobs. I’ve heard a few of you girls talk about the disappointment you feel (or might feel) when you see people’s reaction to your snoopy looking, droopy, small, and not at all fluffed boobs. Maybe it’s a reflection of our own disappointment, but I look down and think, not only am I unsure if this is the right choice, but I’m sure everyone else can see right through me and think that too.

But let me reiterate, my brain KNOWS these feelings are all hogwash. I have had SO much fun looking at them, trying on clothes, talking to my partner about them, and comparing them to my flat, before chest. The icky feelings are familiar to my normal waves of depression. But I still want that feeling to just go away and soon.

Anyway, I’m here on vacation in a very small, rural town, and excitedly want to shock the locals with my inappropriately large for my body, big ol’ busting b cups! I’ve been trying to wear low cut tops. I never thought I’d be like this, but I can’t help to let my silly sisters see the world! Giggle.

I hope all you ladies out there are doing well, feeling fluffy, and healing quickly ? Silly hugs!!!

Textured anatomical round base 235cc cohesive silicone gel Sientras. Or what I call my sillies for short :)

The support on here has been so so so awesome! You girls are all awesome. If you're out there reading and wondering, what will it be like? Everything that I've gone through so far and thought, 'something's horribly wrong...' has all proven to be just part of the process.
Just as a reminder: 235 Sientra cohesive anatomicals rounded base, hp, AAcup before, (after unknown), 5'3" 110ish lbs (refuse to weigh yet). No kids. Before I think I measured something like 28" ribcage, 24" waist (on a good day), 31" hips. My bwd was 10 (cm's? in's? not sure how they measure)

The update and summary so far:
Week 1:
- Pain all the time. Felt like my boobs had literally been cut off, then replaced with hard frozen rocks. While that sounds bad, I knew it was coming, so it didn't concern me at all. I just told myself, so many other girls have described this, I know it's just going to be exciting to track how they start to feel like mine. They certainly did not at first, but once again, I did not feel bothered or sad by this.
- Franken-snoopy-boob. I couldn't avoid it, and it did make me feel sad. It brought regret, embarrassment, and shame. But I was just being impatient. It's fine now!
- Morning boob: never got it. Mostly because they just hurt all the time, and they were literally hard and misshapen, ALL THE TIME.

Week 2:
- Breasticle blues kicked in. Knew it was just post surgery, weird hormones, sedentary lifestyle, bad eating, too much sitting and TV, and pain pills related. I knew to expect it, but still didn't like it. If you've been through depression before (divorce/breakup, postpartum, sadness for no reason at all...) you may already have some skills for working through it. I just kept telling myself that my feelings were flat wrong, and that I wasn't allowed to wallow, sleep, or sit around inside. I did clothing swaps (yes, even with painful, swollen boobies, it can be done!), baked pies with friends I hadn't seen in a long time, went on a vacation, short slow hike, anything I could do to prove to myself that my feelings were just that, and didn't mean I had to act that way. I also kept my mouth shut. I've found that when I complain, moan, and whine about how I don't like something, I think and feel worse. I bursted on here, but after that, I was over it, and kept going.
- Haunched over-ness: Much better! As the pain went away, I was able to stand straight. Thanks to Boobtastic's advice, I went to the Chiropractor, OH MY GOSH, good as new. I can't recommend it more.
- Swelling: still there, although I thought it was supposed to be gone. Meant that I was still bloated. And because the swelling meant more pain, I continued to take pain meds as needed, which lead to more bloat. Eca40 was right, lots of water helps!!!
- Work: thanks to Novomamma, I knew exactly what to expect returning to work. No problem really, I just worked hard to hide em by strapping them down real firmly. Though, it has been emotionally exhausting, I'm applying for new jobs, and have interviewed for 2, and wishing that I could just have longer weekends and more time to relax. The new job I'm looking at offers no benefits (gross), is an hour or more commute away (I currently have no commute), and requires 10 hour days. 11 if you include lunch midday, and 13 if you included commute. Sucks, but jobs are hard to come by here, so I expect to only work there for 7 months (about the time I lose my mind).
- TinyAZ, BeachReady, Countrylife07, ans Sup74 provided some much needed support that everything was a stage, and that it was all normal. They were all right, and IT TOO DID PASS!!

Week 3 (as of Wednesday):
- Still swollen. People's bodies handle trauma different. We know this is what we want, but our boobs feel like they just got hit by a car. My process has been that the d&f'ing is really just, slowly less swollen.
- Softer, but still don't feel like my own. (I'm okay with that process, I think its cool feeling)
- Never had a problem with nipple sensitivity, but the skin feels sun burned when my bandeau strap is tight. (Been wearing since week one, still high, slowly rounding though).
- Bottoms of my breasts are still square-ish and numb. But I think it's from the internal stitches. I read that it means they are really strong, and less likely to burst open, so I'm not worried, I know they will round out with time.
- Sleeping: Oh man, I could talk for days about that! I AM NOT A BACK SLEEPER!!! From day 1, literally, day 1 home from the surgery, I kept trying to sleep on my side. It definitely hurt, but sleeping on my back hurts, so I would just wail in pain as long as I could stand being on my side, sleep on my back as long as I could handle, get up and walk around a little bit, then repeat the same process again. In the mornings, I leaned my neck forward and rested it on something chin height (usually my arm pillow turned on it's side.) By the middle of week 2, I could sleep on my side for hours at a time, sometimes all night with a sleeping pill. Now, I am fully comfortable on my side, and do child's pose in the mornings t help my back. I'm going to work on tummy sleeping starting today. I think I can do it. I'm sure it will feel weird and uncomfortable, but it's really worth the pain to me because my chronic back pain feels worse that the boob stings!
- Zingers: Never had em. Maybe in my sleep the first night, but luckily, I didn't suffer from that.
- Bloating: almost all gone. I'm starting to fit back in my old clothes, and happy for that, phew. Though I took the advice of other girls and stopped weighing myself. Why make myself suffer more, ya know?
- Sexiness: Now that's the downside. I dont really feel sexy. Im excited to have big boobs. Maybe it's because of the stupid strap I have to wear every day, but I am not feeling sexy. I dont want to take any pictures of my boobs or anything. I think that also has to do with the stress of job insecurity, but I hope to be at that proud point other girls are at soon.

All in all, feeling good, expectations are in check, and will be happy to report how my PS appointment goes.

Today I'm going in for my 3 week checkup.

So... went into my checkup. My PS ripped off the steri strips, and wow it hurt. Then when he showed me how to do my massages again, he pointed out that I'm lactating on the left breast. Wait, what? I've never had kids and it hurts on the left when I press for massages. He didn't seem concerned at all. But it's not just a little bit, its every time I press it and it just keeps seeping out.

Gross! I know I keep wanting to say, I'm probably the only one this and that, but seriously, have any other women out there who have never had kids had this happen? I searched all over the internets (never a good idea, I tell you) and couldn't find anything I deemed valid on the subject. I'm thinking of posting the question to the docs on here.

Any ideas?

To uplift my spirits! Here's one I took last night.

3 weeks, and starting to soften. If anyone out there is debating going small, think about the size relative to your body. I'm wearing a Victoria Secret Acup in this photo. Before it was a full coverage bra on me, even though it's a demi bra. I still fit my A's, I'm totally ok with that, and actually think that they look huge. It's all relative :)