If I Knew Back then What I Know Now - Bellevue, WA

In september of 2009 I got a breast augmentation....

In september of 2009 I got a breast augmentation. 240cc in my left breast, 270cc in my right. I thought these implants would be small and I would be a small C, but I ended up a very full D. I did the augmentation because I felt very self conscious about my uneven, A breasts and was looking forward to being fuller and even. However what I got was, large breasts, one of them has very little feeling, they are still uneven and the fullness is more like hardness. I thought I looked great, but the more I tried to have personal relationships, I just felt embarrassed and I constantly worry about "rupturing" my boobs every time I rock climb, snowboard or other activities.
My surgeon was aware of my hesitation to get them, but he pushed me into it saying that I was taking up his time. His bed side manner was awful and after my implants every visit with him ended in tears. When I asked to get them removed he replied "I do not put implants in to take them out." So the last five years I felt like I'm stuck with them permanently. The loss of sensation hurts me the most as well as the lack of a Doctor who actually cares about his patients.

Decisions Decisions

Now that I can afford to have my implants taken out I start to wonder about things:

How will I look afterwards?
Will my anxiety, health issues and sensation go back to pre-implant?
What are my chances for complications?

So far the Surgeons I've talked to have stated that my implants should be able to come out with little to no complications. They've stated that my loss of sensation is most likely permanent and that my nipples maybe a little lower and my tissue will sag a little, however they believe that I have enough breast tissue to look relatively normal.

I can't afford and don't want a lift. I think I've cut into these poor gals enough. I just keep looking at photos of natural breasts and post removal pics and think, wow people were really beautiful they way they were. I probably was too, despite my insecurities.

One of the insecurities I'm having now is: I know I want these bags out, but I'm afraid that explant will make me that insecure 21 year old again, who couldn't stop obsessing about her wacky breasts. I want to be free, confident, natural, and not ashamed of my imperfections. I love how my breasts look with implants, but I'm ashamed to get intimate with others and I feel like I would be judged as a "fake" person. I've realized looking through my closet that I have oversized shirts that hide my implants, I wear sports bras all the time to make them look smaller and I don't hug people the way I used to before implants. I feel like I'm hiding from the world just to enjoy a secret I don't want to share with anyone. So in short breast implants have isolated me in my opinion.

I'd like to think that I've grown into myself more as a person these last five years with implants and no longer feel the need to mutilate myself in order to look a certain way. In the end its not what we look like, its how we feel about ourselves. Right now I just wish I could "feel" my right breast in its entirety again. To choose freedom and health over insecurity would be such a relief, I hope I'm strong enough to do it!

Adding on (I don't know how to edit previous reviews)

In my first review I talked about my implant experience. I just wanted to say that the surgeon I had was recommended to me by my family practice doctor and at the time I thought that surgeon was my only option. If I had known what I know now, I would have never let him operate on me. Unfortunately I learned the hard way. I won't be making those mistakes again and feel very happy with the surgeons I've talked to about implant removal. I feel like I'm in good hands.

Time to decide!

So I've decided on a Surgeon, but not yet on a date. The best time for me would be around Christmas, because I'm on break and can take time to heal and cope with the initial emotions...shock.. Will I be in shock? I hope not. How have you girls handled the change?

The thing I'm afraid about the most in deciding a date is because it will make everything so real. This is what I want, but I'm afraid of going under the knife again and all the risks... all the complications.... all the..... wait! Once I have the implants out, I wont have to have all these worries hanging over my head anymore!! No more expiration date on my breasts cause they will be REAL!

I've been wanting to explant for a couple of years now, but I'm just feel hesitant cause I'm afraid I'll be disappointed. I'm almost ashamed to say this on here, but I'm afraid with my weight gain I'lll look unattractive with smaller breasts. I'm going through all these situations in my head, trying to convince myself not to do it. But when I write them out, I realize how much better my life will be without them and that these "excuses" to leave them in, are just continuing to isolate me from living a fulfilling natural life.

The surgeon I've chosen has let me keep my choice of doing local anestesia. He also says that leaving the capsules in, is the safest bet for me to minimize tissue damage. He also said I don't need drains! Which is the best news of the whole ordeal! Has anyone else left there capsules in and or had local?

I feel like i've started a very transitional stage of my life!

Support

Hi Ladies! I've read a lot of stories about support groups. I'm really lucky to have you all because outside this forum there are three people that know about my implants. One is my x who I can't depend on, another is my mom, shes been pretty judgmental about the whole thing and so I don't tell her much. Lastly my friend who is going to pick me up from surgery. I wish I had a larger group, but thats kinda the isolation I was talking about. I just wanted to holler at you gals and let you know you're stories, pictures and comments are so helpful!

I finally decided on a date!

I'm getting my implants removed December 18th!! I knew I made the right decision the moment I got off the phone and felt energized, excited and relieved! I can't believe I got implants in the first place! I've paid with not only money, but with a lot of loss sensation in my right breast. I hope its just been dulled and that I'll get it back post explant or at least to some degree, but either way I'm super excited! I'm 5'3" 140lbs (was 120 at implant) and have very full D breasts! I think they make me look more short and stubby! I think this is going to be a new era for me of self-acceptance, healthy living, and appreciation of what life has given me! I can't believe I'll be implant free in one month!
I decided to do local, with no lift, leaving capsules in and deflation before removal. Hopefully I'll fluff out a little in the two and a half weeks I have before returning to my tech program! Crossing my fingers for a smooth recovery! Couldn't have done it without you gals!

obsessions

Don't get me wrong, I'm really excited to get the implants out and go back to being myself. But tonight I've been thinking, I can't really ever go back to myself. I will always have the scars and probably most of the numbness pictured. I really wish removing them would make the whole experience just not have happened. I really obsess over the sensation issue. I find it ironic that one of the main reasons I got implants was to "balance them out" cause of the size difference, but now they are more than just size difference, they have different levels of sensation too. I'm just kinda feeling down about what I did to myself tonight. My right breast doesn't really feel hot or coldness either, so I'm always noticing an imbalance even when I'm not looking at them. Luckily both my nipples can errect. UGghhh anyone else experiencing this type of situation?

I wouldn't call it second thoughts but,

Ok so I'm about three weeks away from my explant and so far I haven't been stressed about it till last night I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking to myself that I gotta stop doing things to my breasts! I keep looking in the mirror more often and trying to imagine what its going to be like with out big breasts. Most the time I get excited look forward to it, but recently I've been noticing all the things I wanted in the first place. Nice fullness. And I tell myself, I really do look dynamite naked...But then reality hits and I have to remind myself, they are going to cause me to have surgery eventually, the longer I have them the more problems they will cause, I feel isolated because of them, some of my auto-immune issues might be caused by them and they make me worried when I go on trips or do physical activities, not to mention the stretch marks! I don't know if its surgery anxiety or second thoughts or what, but I know I'll be happier on the other side!

So in preparation for surgery, do you ladies have any advice on detox, helpful lotions, sports bras or any tips on how to get ready for the surgery and big change? I'd soooo appreciate any input you have! Thank you all for your kind words and inspiration!

2 days before the 2 week apt before surgery!

Hey ladies! I've been looking at all your reviews and you truly make me a stronger and more confident person!

I have good news! Just this last week I've been having return of sensation in my right breast!! Why this is happening right before I'm about to cut into them is besides me, but I hope that I don't ruin it again! The blue green spot, I so delicately colored on myself is about half the size now!! I have not been this relaxed about my breasts since I lost the sensation.

I'm starting to get a little scared of the initial deflated look I'm going to experience, but hopefully that will be the most of my troubles.

Do you ladies have any good questions I should ask my Doctor about at my two week visit? He said he doesn't need to see me again until five days after my surgery. It seemed like most of you had a following day check up so I'm curious.

Again any advice on good sports bras or creams are most def welcome! Soon it will be D-day!

My Doctor is super laid back, why does that make me uptight?

I had my two week consultation today. It went great. He thinks I'll only go down one cup size and that I won't have any complications.

I don't have to have drains or compression. Just a surgical bra for a couple days. I can even take a shower the next day. I'm doing it under local and he even said I could drive, but luckily I have a friend doing the driving. Besides upper pole fullness, he doesn't think I'll look that much different.

I'm crazy and think there must be something I should worry about!!!! Ladies what do you think?!?!

Post Poned :(

A couple days before my surgery, I got pretty sick and had to take drugs that were on the no-no list for pre-surgery. Surgeon said I need to reschedule. I don't know when a better time will work for me :( How fast did you guys recover? Hopefully I can squeeze the surgery in with less recovery time. Sadface. I'm so ready to be free and me :(

Finally going to reschedule

Hey all! Sorry I fell off the face of the planet for a bit. I had some medical stuff to take care of and it put me behind schedule with getting my implants out. I really wish I could be on the other side right now. worrying about how my breast will look post explant is just obnoxious. Its a new year though and I'm ready for the new natural me. Calling Monday to get an apt as soon as possible. Thanks for continuing to update your stories which keep giving me courage. Love you all! I'll repost when I have a surgery date finalized.

Febuary 6th is my Explant date!

Hello everyone! I am getting explanted almost 2 months after I had originally wanted. Life throws curve balls for sure. But I'm happy to be back on track. I'm glad that I had the extra time actually because I got to see a lot of women go through some amazing transformations just recently and its further put me at ease about my decision. I'm ready to be that natural person I was over five years ago and give that poor self conscious girl a big hug! I'm scared of deformity of course and have been thinking about allllllllll the things that can go wrong. But as the days get closer, I just wish I was on the other side already!
Have any of you felt more healthy after explant? I know some were troubled with anxiety and auto immune issues? Did it help? Do you feel a sense of empowerment? Those are some goals I'm hoping that explant will achieve.
I'll post some more photos before my opp so I can do pre and post pics in some tops :D Looking forwards to not having a tank for a chest :) You all are beautiful!

You know you're ready to have these suckers out when...

I'm counting down days.... every hour till my explant! Time is moving slowly! Is it easier once your on the other side?? The anxiety to get them out, the anticipation... this is hard. Can it be the 6th? I just want you ladies to know that I read all your updates and I love you for that!

nerves

10 days till the surgery!!!!

I know this is the right choice. I'm going to be able to be fully me and no longer have healthy risky implants! However I'm beginning to get terrified!!! My breast look great now, so I don't anticipate any complications. But holy moly worst case scenarios running ramped! I kinda wish I could just get this over with tomorrow! The anxiety of pre-surgery is awful. I've even dreaded the idea of bleeding out on the table. Ahg! I'm comforted that everyone goes through this and I'm not crazy. But I really hope that my boobs don't look scary after removal.
I wish I could have kept my old date. I'm smack in the middle of my program and these nerves are very distracting. Let alone its a medical program so I'm just so afraid that someone is going to say something about my implants/implant removal and I'll forever be known as the girl who had implants. Which is what I've been avoiding these last five years. This is rough.

Its so hard to be ourselves!

I'm freaking out right. Now. Just need to stay calm and let life take its place. There really isn't a "good time" for these things anyway right?

March 27th or bust!

Can't wait!!

I just feel ready

Yes I'm nervous about going under the knife, yes I'm embarissed about people knowing about my cosmetic surgeries, I'm sure I'll even feel like I miss my implants at points and certain insecurities about the size and shape of my breast will probably be something I will think about time to time. But I feel ready. I am ready to accept myself and be healthy. I am ready to realize that I'm not perfect and change my mental attitude rather than my physical appearance. I feel like this explant is a physical example of where I'm at in my life right now, I'm ready to not be ashamed of who I am cause in reality there is nothing to be ashamed of. I am committed to a healthier life.

This Thursday Is Explant day

Hello Ladies! This Thursday is the day! I'm nervous, but mostly calm. I've been waiting to be natural again for a long time. I'm posting some more before pictures so those who find picture helpful can see more before and after photos. I really hope my recovery goes well. How long did it take those of you who explanted to start returning to a normal routine? Like being able to go grociery shopping, doing house work ect? When did you start massaging and with what? I have comfy clothes and plenty of snacks ready. Any advice is very very very welcome and/or words of encouragement!

I'm on the other side!!!!!

Hello Ladies!

At 3:00 today I was check in. The doctor didn't mark me up because he was using my previous scars for markers. I then was sent back to change into the gown and to put compression stockings on. The Doctor's assistant walked me back to the procedure room where there was a heated bed and upbeat music waiting for me.
Not soon after I was laying down the doctor came in and put up a blue sheet in front of my neck so I couldn't see the procedure (this was nice because I didn't want to). The surgical nurse massaged my head as she told me what was happening.
The numbness shots were the worst part of the procedure, they stung and he did about six on each side. After that I was completely numb, not only at the cutting site but around my entire breast.
I was then told that he was making the small incisions and instead of deflating the implant, he squeezed it right out. I felt just a slight tug then my nurse jokingly said "its a boy!" My surgical nurse made me laugh most of the procedure it was great.
He then opened up the other side and this implant didn't even need much tugging, "its a girl!" they exclaimed. At this point I took my first deep breath and it was so easy and non weighted I loved it!
I felt the doctors hand sew me back up and a slight tugging but didn't really feel the stitches at all.
After he was done the doctor left the room. The nurses let me see my implants, they were intact, crystal clear and really clean. I asked if they cleaned them, they said they had come out of the capulse that way. I had very little capsules so they left the remains inside.
All together my implants only weighed 1.5lbs. I always felt like they were heavier. The surgery took a total of 35 minutes.

Surprisingly, I felt absolutely no remorse. I felt light, happy and already much healthier. It is 7 hours after the surgery and I still don't feel any pain. I will take a pain med before bed however.

I have not seen my breasts yet since they were wrapped before I could glance at them, but I can take the ace wrap off tomorrow to shower and then I'll post the pictures :)

I am very happy. The worst part was the anticipation, the surgery was a piece of cake and I def feel much better now already! Thank you, thank you, thank you ladies for your continual support and encouragement! Yall are the best and I probably wouldn't have done it without you :)

Day After Surgery Photos

Surgical bra

My Doctor told me that he would provide a surgical bra. I had bought a spare so I could wash one while I wore another. However after my surgery my doctor wrapped me up with ace bandage and told me he didn't have surgical bra for me. He actually told me to wear one of my old ones.... I didn't think that was good advice, so I'm glad I had my own.

End of Day 5 Post Op

I love my new/old self! I don't regret not doing it sooner because I don't think I would have been as accepting of myself, if it had not been for all the life experience leading up to my surgery. But I have absolutely no remorse in ditching those implants! I feel like I am finally free from destructive thoughts about my natural self and just feel refreshed. I've spent the last five days lounging around (thank god for spring break) and am ready to get back into the world. I only took maybe three of the pain killers the whole time and got super nauseated, so I took anti nausea then got constipated and then had to get rid of that. That was probably the worst of the entire healing process so far. My steri strips fell off today so I got to glance at my scars, they are healing well! If your at all uncomfortable with having implants, explant is the way to go! I'll post pictures every week or so for a while :) I'm so thankful for getting them removed!

Adding L and R

Almost 6 months later and still so happy!

For those of you who read my post, one of my biggest concerns was the numbness from the implant surgery in my right breast. Although the numbness has turned mostly into dullness and decreased in size, I am still hoping to continue to recover more nerve sensation. However, this does not bother me at all. I thought I would obsess over it like I did with implants. But everything else is so great, to be squishy and real and confident! Its the best! I'm between a B and C now and I look fit and healthy. Shedding weight was so easy after removal, like my body was just rejoicing. I am so glad I got my implants out!
Seattle Plastic Surgeon

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