This Bird Needs to Fly Away...Norway, NO

It was my dream of long time but now my body and...

It was my dream of long time but now my body and mind is in ruins. I had a large tattoo of a bird done on my shoulder blade (black and browns) and it has taken a hold of me like the reaper himself. The past 3 weeks have been a nightmare. I weep like I have lost a dear family member, unable to feel joy, food is not amazing and every morning is a struggle to get up and not get upset.

I'm slowly taking the steps to get myself back together all though everyday is a new battle for me. I've researched all over the internet to learn more about the possible tattoo removal methods... But as I researched I also learned that my artist had used WHITE.

My whole world fell apart on that... I just need to get it out. I just simply can't live with it, there's just no way.

I'm desperate for any method at this stage but I'm still forced to wait until September to get started with laser removal.. I decided to join this forum after reading your writings and hopefully I'll get to where the silver outlining is with this whole fiasco...

Picture update

I guess I could just put it out there... So that's the bird that needs to fly away~

Also I'm still struggling on deciding which treatment to go through. All though picosure seems crazy amazing I'm not sure it's the right one for me since my browns are more reddish and warm... And solid black lines seems respond better with Q-switched. My options are nd yag Q-switched or Asclepion laser that has both q switch and ruby laser build in. Other option would be picosure that's in Norway... Other two I mentioned are in my country. I have consultation for the two places here in my country next month.

Struggling...

Hi guys... I had a pretty rough day today. I've done my best to get out and not let this thing cripple me... But it doesn't really help seeing all these beautiful people with their beautiful skin. I keep going back to the day I had my tattoo done, re-living it in a way where I walked out... But that makes me even more tired. I never knew I was so attached to my outer appearance...

The worst thing is I've lost myself. All this quilt that I feel has detached from the reality. I just don't who I am... I feel like I've been exciled and that there is no place for me to go to. Crazy, right? I'm still me but I keep having these up and downs and it's taking a toll me. So... If anyone out there is reading this I would like to ask you if you had the need to search for other kind of help in addition to laser treatments. I've started thinking about it and I'm positive that I need to do my best to not let this thing take over and destroy all the beautiful things I have in my life. So my question would be... Have any of you guys had to go through theraphy and/or medication to get yourself through it? Sorry for the gloomy question but it would be really helpful to here how you guys experienced it.

I have so much to be thankful for. I have the most caring, patient and gentle partner. He's pretty amazing for putting up with me. That is why I'm willing to take any road necessary to protect that I have and to not obsess over what I have lost. It is only skin, loving, caring and living skin.

Pact testing colors next month!

Today I received a confirmation email from the removal clinic telling me that they'll be willing to do patch testing on my tattoo when I go there for my consultation. This'll give me several weeks in between to se whatever some parts can or can not be treated with laser. The next couple of weeks will most likely be the slowest, nerve wrecking and I'm losing some sleep already.

Also, thank your for sharing your honest opinions and experience with me. I believe it'll be all ahead of me and as I move to a different country again I will find some other help together with the laser to pull me through this all.

Everyday is a struggle and not understanding any of it yourself makes it so miserable. I'm still consumed by quilt and nostalgia but I'm trying my best. Sometimes simple things can bring joy, even on these days, like having jasmine flowers in your room. They were picked up by friend's father, already in his granda age, from his very own garden.

Morning blues

Yesterday was a great day. I met friends that I haven't seen for more than a year and we had big BBQ party. I was relieved to feel joy again!

Soo good things are also happening... But mornings still seem to be such a challenge. I'm still fightning agains the reality, seeing nightmares and waking up so, so tired... When I do wake up all I can do is sigh deeply and try my best to push it away. And then I feel the quilt and sadness crushing in..

Sorry for negative shift here, but I guess I'm just kinda writing as I go. I just used to be a morning person... But now it is definitely the worst part of the day.

Dreams of fading

I believe I'm finally starting to see some hope in the horizon. It has been so hard trying to deal with all of these things... And I have upset people around me by not being who I am, not having the same strength and energy that I normally do.. And I'm sure I'll fall even from here on but I will move forward.

Last night I dreamed about my tattoo.. In my dream it was not black anymore, not brown anymore but it was reddish, blurry and kinda hard to make out what it really was. It seems to me that my mind has decided to not let it have such a power over me as it has so far and that's what the dream was about.

Now if only this dream will become true in real life too...

Another point of view in the middle of all this mess

I got no new pictures or anything grand to tell you guys... But I just wanted tell all of you having to go through this... It'll be the worst and the best thing that ever happened to you. This is how I see it at this stage. I've been forced to face all of my greatest fears and unfortunate past that I thought I had come in terms with and allthough it doesn't feel fair at all I will make sure to pull it off and look awesome while doing it.

Sometimes I wonder if I should just live with the tattoo but I know this is not possible. The reason for this is because it is not who I am. I feel that this picture was forced on me and that it has too much negative energy in it. I feel that the only way to make things right is to get the ink out. It is the only way. So I'm up for an adventure, that's for sure.

I hope your adventure will be a safe and successfull one. :)

1st treatment already!?

So here's the deal... I went for consultation and I decided to switch the place where I'll have my tattoo treated. Why? She has 9 years of experience and her plan was to treat the blacks first. We did couple of test spots on browns and two of them turned darker... So I'm really glad that I didn't go with the other lady, who was going to treat the whole thing at once. Once the dense black has gotten lighter we'll start treating the whole tattoo and I'm sure by then we've had a chance to experiment with the browns enough we'll know what to do excactly.

So I had one treatment... One tiny blister which went away in a day. But according to my therapist the colors reacted well and I'm having my R0 treatments on black 8th October. I won't post any pictures until it has been 2-3 weeks, I don't think there is any point really, it's not like I see results that quickly... But it seems that my skin is really quick to heal. :) New skin is aready pushing the dead skin out and it's not scabbing!

One color down!

Hi! I'm super excited because my tattoo has done lot of lightening already! It seems one of the flesh tones responds super well! It's already back to my skin color! But other brown did turn darker, but it's getting lighter too again! Some of the dense black is getting lighter too, there was so much of that black there that my skin is just shedding... Like a lot. But still no scabbing!

Here they recommend to use a ointment called Hirudoid Forte for 2 weeks after your treatment. It's a cream that improves your circulations. Sauna is also a good thing, that's also good for your circulation. I also have an access to lymphatherapist and it seems to do a lot too... I've had 3 treatments after my tattoo removal and I'm quite surprised how much change there seems to be after only a week! Oh, and I decided to use couple of times cocoa butter if my skin felt reaaaaaally dry. I love that stuff~
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Awesome, glad you are seeing results, how exciting!! I love cocoa butter too, I actually make my own body butter by mixing coconut oil, coconut butter, cocoa butter and almond oil...so soothing. Would love if you would post some photos of your progress. 
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I'll post some probably in a few days. :) The black is pretty dense still, but I only had one treatment so far so I'd say it was more than expected.
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Thanks for the update, it's so important to find the right technician and do test spots, sounds like you made the right choice. Good luck!
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Yay, this is great news! Please keep us posted!
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Thanks! :) I'dd definitely do that!
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Thank you for the update, I completely relate to how your tattoo carries negative energy, that was exactly how I felt with mine. No matter what anyone said, I just didn't connect to it. It's a much different feeling when you have a tattoo that fits you, I love my new cover up and don't hesitate to show it off even though it's no finished. I flows with my back, and it reflects my vision. Good luck on your removal. I love this new challenge, check it out and feel free to participate. 
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Love this update. This review will be one to watch! You have no idea how excited I am to see your progress, good luck!
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hi birdo, i was up all night last night researching tattoo removal. came across this page and your entries really resonated with me. it's surprising to me how much this has affected me emotionally. my tattoo is only a few weeks old, and i already called this morning to schedule a consultation. that felt like a huge weight (but unfortunately no ink, yet) lifted off of my shoulders. i already had several smaller tattoos, but this new one started out as a little cover-up/camouflaging of an old one and it just got too big, going halfway down my upper arm. i don't know why i didn't realize this before, but i just don't want to be a "tattoo girl"!!! anyway, it made me sad to hear that you have had some rough days, emotionally, dealing with all of this. i've been pretty miserable too, but i'm trying to stay active as much as possible. also, today was the first time that i told a couple of close friends that i was going to look into laser removal, and it made me feel so much better to get that out there. i know for a fact that one day i, and i hope you too, will be able to look back at this experience and just say, "silly me!"--not only for getting the tattoo in the first place, but for letting it get us so down on ourselves! i'm trying to just look at the situation for what i've learned from it--after struggling with body issues my whole life, i am more confident than ever that my body, especially my skin, is BEAUTIFUL!! and i will appreciate it and never take it for granted again! i've wanted to get breast implants for a long time but i have now decided against it. no more messing with my temple! anyway, just know that you're not alone, and that this is just another life experience that will most likely make you wiser and more in tune with who you are. best of luck with your treatments!!
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Hi there, I'm glad to hear from you although I'm sad that you have to go through the same things as I am. The turning point for me happened last week when I met with all of my friends in a different city for a week. I was hesitant to let them know but then it finally came I out and I'm glad that I told them it all. It made me realize so many things and I do know, even though I still keep having rough days, that I will become a stronger person and I will never ever take my skin or health for granted. It's so bizarre, because the reason I had the tattoo done because I finally felt like I liked my skin and I wanted to enjoy it... But such is life. I had a moment in life, for a year or two actually when I considered having a breast implants too but I decided against it because I wanted to like my body the way it is. Odd isin't it? All the best to you too! I wish you happy fading and all the best luck! :) Take care and stay strong!
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We sound a lot a like. I only had my tat for 2 days before I decided on laser removal. I was so embarrassed about how mine turned out and how it made me feel going out in public. I'm so glad I decided to go ahead and start the removal process. Sorry you're having to deal with going through this too. I love this site because before I found this, I thought I was all alone in feeling this way about a tattoo. Good luck with your tat journey.
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It was a huge relief once I found this site. Sometimes it's not so good though, I can get too focused on pictures and the bad things and not so succesfull stories... but I'm trying to stay positive on all of this. It's weird how sure you can be of something and once it's done your whole world just turns upside down.
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hi, i just wanted to share what happened to the brown ink in my tattoo. I have only a little bit of brown but there's how the brown ink reacted. After the first laser treatment, some of the brown ink faded (so the area that was brown became smaller), but the remaining brown ink got darker. I asked my doctor about this at the next session, and she says that is the way some of the brown pigment oxidises when reacting with the laser but it can still be faded with further treatment. True enough, after the second treatment some parts of the now darker brown went away, so the ink is still being removed even though it gets darker (:
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Thank you for sharing this. I've been so worried about my colors and them turning darker... Hearing real experiences from somebody else helps me to calm down. Let me know how it goes with your treatment! I'd love to hear more about it!
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i will post an update sometime in the next few days, just waiting for the last few scabs to fall off so i can see and evaluate the whole tattoo. i might continue with my current review or have realself delete it and start again (because of anonymity issues) but either way will let you know (:
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Thank you so much. I'd appreciate that a lot!
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Hey! I can feel your pain. I did felt awful at the beginning. Worst nightmare ever. I hardly could force myself to get up and go to work or to gym. Sometimes I had panic attacts like why I did it and how stupid it was? I still have them sometimes, but they are very short. Humans are incredible creatures. We do get used to circumstances. You will feel better. You will adapt. It can be fixed and it will be fixed in time. Patience is the key here! I started to feel better once I started the laser treatments. Now since I see some fading, I feel I can deal with this. I know this can be fixed. Looking back in time, trust me, you do not want to realize how stupid tattoo ruined your life. We only live once! Give yourself some time! Take care and it will get better! Hugs from Russia!
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Thank you neighbor! ;) I do agree with you, this should so not take over my life yet it is so hard to deal with on days and I still have panic attacks and crazy emotions going through my system... I just feel so, so stupid and betrayed. :/ I think the biggest deal here is that I trusted someone with my body and they did not respect that at all...
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Congratulations on the upcoming consultation. I feel like the waiting is sometimes the hardest part of all of this. Good luck on your transition to a new country. I know how stressful that can be. We are here for you :)
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Thank you. I'm still just so terribly worried if the colors in my tattoo will react in a weird way, like change dark or something. Waiting is the worst for sure. I'll do my best to stay on the right path!
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I know how you feel about waiting! After I got my "messup" tattoo , it only took me 2 days to decide to buy a Groupon to get it off! Then my 1st session wasn't for a week.....that seemed like forever. I've gone through two sessions so far and love it. My doctor's office uses the Aztanza trinity laser with uses both yag and ruby lasers and i'm seeing major results! I am so happy. I'll be glad to finally get this mess off !!!!!Good luck to you!
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The clinic I'm going for consultation and patch testing also uses laser that has both nd yag and ruby laser built in. I hope I''ll se great results too! Too bad mine is huge so it'll take forever to get of... Such is life I'm afraid. Waiting is just the worst. How come you were able to start your treatments so soon?
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Hey Birdo, do you know which laser they use? If it has the Ruby built in also it could be similar to the one I'm being treated with. What's the clinic called?
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Hi! It's called Asclepion laser. The clinic is in Finland and they're called Plastic Surgery Center and it works on 1064nm, 694nm and 532nm wawelengths.
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Congratulations Birdo. Each update you post seems to be more positive than the last. I think you're dealing with the regret very well and I can't wait to see how you get on. Keep us posted please!
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I have my up and downs... That's for sure. Today I have felt better. I've been welcomed to stay in my friends house for this week and they are so very warm and kind. It's odd that even though all these good things are happening to me I can still feel so out of place all of sudden... I think I'm in my apathy stage or something. But I'm determined to take care of this stupid mistake.
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