Well where to start....Lets start with the...
Well where to start....Lets start with the insensitive people that point out the nose on your face. 'Eeeee she has a big nose, have you seen her nose, she must be a witch with that nose?' - gee thanks for pointing out what I see every day in the mirror. Please don't spare my feelings I'm just the girl with the big nose. I always wish I could find some witty words to say to these people but can never manage my words past the shear terror I feel.
I've had name calling since the age of 14. I have zero confidence because of it and I've been to some terrible lows but hey I've survived and I've met a lovely man, and had a baby 9 months ago( it's a miracle I'm actually with anyone as I'm a social idiot)....anyway the crazy man asked me to marry him and I'm getting married next Sept..... I'm so nervous, anxious, stressed, not because I'm getting married but because I really don't want pictures taken. I'm dreading the profile shot, the 'looking into each other eyes' shot cos that will mean a profile Picture. Im dreading Saying the vows in front of people cos that will require a side view.
So what do I do? Then there is my baby to consider. Will she recognise me? Will she be terrified when she sees her mammy all strapped up? Will this scar her for life? ARGH there is so many questions that I can't sleep at night thinking about it. Can I be that selfish and spend all that money on myself when there is wedding stuff to pay for? ARGHHH...
Well I've done it, I've booked a date for surgery....
Well I've done it, I've booked a date for surgery. 24/01 ARGH! Its so surreal!!!! I met with a consultant on Monday and he told me everything I needed to know. I have to say all the doubt I had,has just fluttered away.
The only concern I have is my 10month daughter being terrified when she sees me with my cast over my nose. The consultant advised that he might not need to break my nose so I might not get the massive black eyes I was sure I would get. That's one less thing to scare my daughter at least.
Now how on earth do I tell my parents I'm getting it done...........I just don't know how to go about it....if anyone has any thoughts please share them with me cos I'm at a loss. Ha
3 more sleeps till the big day. I'm so nervous,...
3 more sleeps till the big day. I'm so nervous, and I hate to admit it a bit scared! Been reading other people's recovery story's and its just dawned on me that I'm going to have to look after my 10 month daughter!! Im not going to be able to just lie and recover. Am I going to be able to do it? I'm actually freaking out a bit...well freaking out more than the thought of scaring her. I'm probably been so irrational, but I can't help it.
A massive ARGHHHH but also a massive YEAY!
Less than 18 hours and I'm going to be having my...
Less than 18 hours and I'm going to be having my nose worked on........18HOURS!! - not like I'm counting down our anything haha!
I just can't believe I'm doing it! Me making a decision - i can't even decide on what colour my bridesmaid dresses are going to be for my wedding, but I've made a massive decision to get my nose done. It's all madness....MADNESS I TELLS YA MADNESS!!!
I'm going crazy here waiting...I haven't even packed anything.....My minds in a total spin! What do I need? Help !!
Well I'm all done....let me break it down
Well I'm all done....let me break it down
The day of the surgery - I turned up to hospital mega early. Was escorted to my room and my lovely boyfriend and baby waited with me. I was told to change into the wonderful backless gown and paper knickers. The consultant came to talk to me and told me he would be breaking my nose - I was convinced that he didn't have to. So at this point the panic surged through me....I saw the window and for a minute I thought about jumping through it and running away with my backless gown flapping in the wind....DON'T WORRY I DIDN'T! If it wasn't for my boyfriend I would have.
The anesthesiologist comes to talk to me about the falling asleep drug. I'm thinking that doesn't sound bad, until he says "the question I'm normally asked is will I wake up" - I looked at my partner and he looked at me....ok that question never entered my mind until this dude said it to me......so now I'm thinking SHIT I'm not gonna wake up. When he leaves I have a sweat on. Marc (my partner) knows what I'm thinking. He gives me the sympathetic look. Then the nurse collects me.......I feel like lying on the floor so she has to drag me down to theatre. I cooperate and walk down. Last thing I remember is boring this poor woman to death and then waking up confused. I'm wheeled back to my room. So they leave me lying in bed and im proper feeling sorry for my self......and pretty much haven't stopped hahaha
I was expecting pain, don't get me wrong, but my face is so sore, swollen and my nose.......my nose is a mess, I'm proper stressed out about it (see the pics) my nostrils are all squashed, (they took the packing out this morning) one is more squashed than the other - so I'm thinking shit shit shit is my nose gonna be twisted?? Please people tell me this is all normal feelings I'm experiencing.
I'm so upset looking at myself like this. My eyes are so bruised and swollen. It looks like I've had my head kicked in.....and feels like it. Ok that rant is over.....I'm sure I will be thinking more rational in a few days.....I'm sorry if I have upset anyone, but I think I was slightly naive.....I'm sure I will be fine in a few days............I'll keep you posted
Day 2 has basically consisted of :- me feeling...
Day 2 has basically consisted of :- me feeling sorry for myself, me feeling completely useless attempting to look after our daughter, me feeling helpless and pathetic....and me feeling very whiney hahaha
Marc, my other half has been like a angel looking after me. Patience of a saint.
.....I've also Been thinking bloody hell is all this worth it..............then I read the comments people have took the time to write.....the encouragement, the kindness, the understanding, and just the damn right loveliness of people. To everyone that has wrote to me thank you so much, I didn't realise how hard this journey was going to be. With out the reassurance and words of experience I would of honestly cracked up. A massive KISS and HUGS to everyone. Thank you x
Day 3 pow pow
So it's day 3. It started off...
Day 3 pow pow
So it's day 3. It started off well. Marc made my dinner, while I attempted to entertain our child. We sat down and ate, i got slightly frustrated because I wanted to stuff more food in my face than I could manage. Damn these stupid plasters!! Least my appetite hasn't disappeared.......well actually that's a bad thing cos my ass is gonna get fatter by the day. But hey I'll be hopefully sporting a nice new nose in a few weeks hahaha anyway........as the day goes on so does the pain. It's like pow pow pow pow in my head then vibrates down my nose. It's so painful that I slipped away to the bathroom to cry it out....then my nose started to run and my eye lashes got caught on my plasters haha honestly this whole experience has learnt me to laugh at the little things.
Has anyone else experienced the POW POW POW POW POW headache? Hope everyone is doing well xx
It's day 5 and I'm obsessed with looking...
It's day 5 and I'm obsessed with looking in the mirror. I carry a compact round with me and randomly check my nose out. I ask myself why - and I really don't know the answer....am I checking to make sure it's still there? Or if its changed in the 2 seconds I haven't looked at it? I don't know but I'm driving myself insane!
Staying in the house is making me go insane!
I want this cruddy, disgusting cast/tape off my face! My poor neighbour knocked on the door and when i answer i scared the bejesus out of him. i swear I saw the fear in his eye haha! I've just got cabin fever!!
Day 9 and I really want this cast and plasters off...
Day 9 and I really want this cast and plasters off my face.
It's driving me nuts. I look and feel absolutly minging because i have the same disgusting blood drenched plasters and cast on my face! It's day 9 man, everyone else has had there cast off ( I'm soooo jealous of you all haha) it's not like I can take the plasters off and replace them either because it will knock the cast off. ( I've tried taking them off, naughty me! It was a disaster)
I have to admit that I have been a bad, bad girl as I've been picking, prodding and fiddling with the plasters and my nose..........in my defense i really can't help it!!! I'm saying to myself...."leave it!!!" But as I'm saying it my finger starts to slyly go up my nostril or up over the plaster (ok that sounds bad, it's not what you think. I'm not like ramming my finger up there, it's like gently touching the outta nostril area). My curiosity is getting the better of me, it's like seeing someone naked - even though you know you shouldnt look, you just have to look haha -I know I shouldn't touch but I'm all over it like a rash.
Anyway.....my rant is over, only a couple of sleeps till this cast is removed and my new nose is revealed. Eeeeeee I wonder what it looks like............hopefully not a comedy nose that honks when you touch it or something like that hahaha happy new nose!!!
Well the cast is off FINALLY!
Im not going to...
Well the cast is off FINALLY!
Im not going to lie, the first time looking in the mirror was a major shock. The shock was replaced by panic because I initially couldn't see past the swelling. Now I'm feeling good about it all, I know it's going to take time for the swelling to go down. I just can't believe it's me when I look in the mirror. My eyes are looking at me, but my brain doesn't compute that it is me. It's all just a bit mad!
I'm a bit concerned as well, as I was washing my face and the side of my nose has kind of dinted. I e-mailed my lovely consultant and he thinks its just the swelling that's Sank in. So I have to keep an eye on it. It's all just fragile and it's a long long process. I just want to see the end result haha
I think I'm going to love it
Have you ever went to the supermarket without your...
Have you ever went to the supermarket without your make up on and you see everyone you know.....well my first adventure out and I thought - oh I know I'll go to the supermarket, I'm bound to bump into people I know. I'll be able to see if they notice my new nose.
So I pulled up at the supermarket. Strolled on in with my trolley.....casually browsing the aisles, and there is not one person I know! How dare people I know not be there! I actually feel like announcing over the loud speaker that I have a new nose!
Now normally when I go anywhere public I'm on edge incase someone looks at me and mentions my nose. Not today. Today I practically skipped round the supermarket. Head held high. I know my nose isn't big anymore, so I really don't care if people look, in fact I want them looking. Got to say its very liberating !! I can't wait to go out to a pub or restaurant, my head is going to be so far in the air that I'm gonna need surgery on my neck hahaha
Anyone who is thinking about surgery cos they hate what they see in the mirror or insecure or intimidated in case someone says something about their nose - my advise is look into surgery. I've never felt like this before. I want to go out in public, I want to be centre of attention, I want to be able to look at people instead of to the floor and not catching there eye. More importantly I can't wait for my wedding and for the photographer to take my picture. Woohoo this is the beginning of something fabulous, and I can't wait for the ride to start