A tattoo I've wanted ended up being a tattoo I'd rather forget.

Hi guys! We all have a story of how we got to the point of tattoo regret and/or removal, and well, here's mine:

After years of wanting a tattoo but fearing the commitment/pain that comes with getting one, I decided to finally suck it up and get inked! I knew exactly what I wanted because I've been talking about it for as long as I could remember... An anchor to honor my grandfather who was in the Navy. I also wanted to "mark" my body to commemorate a new chapter in my life after a drastic weight loss and lifestyle revamp.

Despite being recommended several tattoo shops in NYC, I thought it would be exciting to get the tattoo while I was on a weekend getaway (Mistake #1), so I found a tattoo shop nearby with pretty good reviews, and just like that, found myself there on January 23rd.

I had finally settled on the anchor design that I wanted and was ready for that needle to hit my skin.
The tattooist recommended I go slightly bigger on the design so the detail in the rope would be visible, which made me quickly rethink the placement I originally wanted (Mistake #2). Instead of getting it a couple of inches above my wrist, I decided to get it right below the crease of my forearm.

After he was done tattooing the outline, I actually really liked the way it looked and decided to not fill it in.

I wasn't too thrilled about the placement I chose, but I was willing to look passed it because I was just so excited.

A week went by, my excitement wore off and I started to observe the tattoo more clearly... And, that's when I realized it was asymmetrical and the placement of it was actually not something I was able to look passed.

The friends I showed it to did not think it was all that bad (I'm sure to them, I was just being overly dramatic), but it didn't matter... It was on MY body staring right back at me. I don't want a tattoo to knock down the confidence and self-esteem I worked so hard on regaining this past year... and that's exactly what it is doing.

So, once the tattoo fully healed, I decided to go to a different tattoo artist to try and salvage it.

And as I was sitting there, in the spur of the moment, I asked him to extend the rope and add a RED HEART to the bottom of it to add some "character" to the piece (Mistake #3).

I left the shop unsure of the outcome. On one hand, the artist did a decent job covering the asymmetry as best he could... On the other hand, the extended rope and heart looked completely inconsistent with the rest of the tattoo.

I thought about adding a black outline around the heart to try to make it look better, but how many more times can I possibly retouch this tattoo in hopes that I'll grow to like it?

I can't move it down a few inches, so what's the point in trying to "fix" the look when I can't even fix the placement?

I've become neurotic about it... self-conscious about it... And I'm even losing sleep over it. I spend HOURS scouring the internet looking at other anchor tattoos to try to reassure myself that mine isn't "all that bad," but it's hard to change how I feel.

In a nutshell, the tattoo that I wanted and the tattoo that I got are two different things. Looking at it only makes me think of all of the "what if's" that I can't do anything about.

I'm EMBARRASSED that the tattoo that I've been talking about for years ended up nowhere near the way I had envisioned it. I'm ashamed to admit this to my family, the person I was with when I got the tattoo, and to the rest of my friends.

So, with my mind set, I booked a consultation with Jessica Krant in NYC to see about possibly getting picosure to start fading this sucker... I'm not sure if I'm going to tell anyone about this until I have my first treatment, but I know that I want to get 1-2 treatments before the summer and use the summer to work on naturally fading it.

My current dilemmas are:

1) Do I get an outline around the heart before starting treatment in my last attempt to try to make it look better, or stop adding on to it? Even though I'm certain I want this thing zapped, I'd rather "complete" the tattoo before starting treatment so I can be less self conscious when/if it's out in the open in between sessions.

2) Do I aim for a complete removal, or just fade it for a cover up? Placement is a big factor in why I regret my tattoo... Would I really like something else in its place? I'm just antsy to get rid of it.

Anyways, I'll keep you all posted on what I decide to do, but in the meantime, I THANK YOU for reading my story and telling yours. I'll be a regular on these boards for the next few months, so please do not be a stranger -- drop a note to say hello and reassure me that I'm not alone :)

I know it's not a TERRIBLE tattoo by any means (and I'm sure so many would rather have my tattoo than the one they currently have), but it's just not me and it's not something I think I can get used to.

It's very hard for me to keep my feelings all pent up inside of me (hence why I turned to this forum for comfort and support), but as ashamed as I am about the situation that I'm in, I just know that I am going to need the support of at least a couple of friends while I go through this process.

I decided to tell my best friend and the guy I'm seeing. These two are the ones I see frequently (aside from my family) and I'd rather answer questions now than later.

My best friend thought I was overreacting and recommended that I keep myself busy with other things to get my mind off the tattoo... Easier said than done. When I'm out and about, I keep it hidden and don't even give it much thought, but that's just one of the problems... I don't want to keep concealing this tattoo. I want to be proud of it... and I'm not.

The guy that I'm seeing was also the person who went with me to get the tattoo in the first place. I was hesitant to tell him for many reasons. 1) He always tells me I'm an over-thinker and I should just let things go and stop worrying so much (he has several tattoos, some that weren't executed the way he had hoped, but he doesn't mind), and 2) I didn't want him to feel any inkling of guilt. He had nothing to do with it. It was my choice to get the tattoo. It was my choice to get it where I got it. It was all my choice and I'm not putting the blame on anyone but myself.

He was actually very supportive and told me that perhaps tattoos are just not for me since they'll never be as perfect as I want them to be (I forgot to mention: I got a 2nd tattoo a few weeks ago -- it's a hamsa design on my back, which I can't really see well enough to dwell on, so perhaps tattoos that are VISIBLE are just not for me lol).

Well, in any case, I'm glad there will be at least two people who now know what I'm going through and I trust that they will be there for me during this process :)