Its so hard to wait, but i am glad to have time to...
Its so hard to wait, but i am glad to have time to get even more fit and to loose more weight (i lost 2 pounds this week! yay!)
I am going in to pay the full amount of my surgery on Monday i hope. I need to lock it in the make it real, you know?
I am still trying to decide how big to go on top. I am a runner and i love dancing and playing with my kids so i dont want my boobs knocking me out during workouts or anything. I guess the reaction i want is "Nice rack!" Im 5'9". Any thoughts? I was leaning towards a D...or DD? :)?
I am now officially $16,000 poorer (ouch!), but...
I am now officially $16,000 poorer (ouch!), but 16,000% happier! Hollah! I am so glad that my surgery is paid off and that i can rest easy knowing that this is real. Its really going to happen! No one can take it away from me now. I am locked in, baby! Thats just amazing.
I feel kind of stupid because even though my date is two months away, it's all i can talk about. Every free moment is spent writing questions to ask my Dr, making shopping lists for before surgery, looking online at before and after pictures (man i have seen a lot of tummies and boobies lately)Its all i want to do.
I try to picture what i will look like but i think i have decided to try and stop doing that. There is no way to imagine the end results. All i can do is keep on my weight loss journey and focus on my goal of 170 by my surgery date. I have lost 16 pounds in two months so i have faith i can get to that goal (or at least close to it) in time. I am now 188.
I just want to eat clean, workout and make myself stronger, and keep my mind calm and focused. That is my hope these last few weeks.
I still am not sure how big to go with the BA, and i am now trying to figure out what to tell my extremely perceptive 7 and 5 year old about why mommy had surgery and cant do anything for a few days. Any thoughts?
Anyhoo...excited but trying to still live in the moment. I want to get my before pictures up here asap. Im sure you are all just dying to see them ;)
Love to you all! Now i must get back to watching a biggest loser marathon. Im hooked!
Is it March 26th yet?....No?....Damn.....
Is it March 26th yet?....No?....Damn.....
So i've had my first dream about my surgery. In my...
So i've had my first dream about my surgery. In my dream i was freaking out because the power was out and i was like "but how will i get my surgery done if the microwave isnt working? How am i supposed to nuke off this fat without power, people?!" Apparently in my dream i was planning on microwaving myself into mommy makeover heaven. Hmmmmmm....
I cant wait to see what else my subconscious comes up with over the next few weeks! Stay tuned...
On a more serious note, while brushing my teeth today i had the moment that i have been waiting to have since i booked my MM. The "what if i die on the table and leave my family wifeless and motherless?!" moment. It honestly hadnt occured to me until today. I know that it is HIGHLY unlikely but still i love life and my family too much to not think about it, you know?
And then when i was in the gym, feeling strong and athletic and full of energy i realized that i am willingly cutting myself into pieces and taking myself out of the game for several weeks. And thats really hard. i love working out. It's like my therapy. I need to sweat out the crazy, you know? I know that it is all for the greater good, and that once on the other end of this that i will never regret this choice. But i have to deal with these fears now so i can be prepared. or at least sort of prepared.
But there's nothing like looking at before and after pictures and reading all of your updates to cure a girl of doubt, so thanks ladies!
Now, to finish up on a crude note... ;)
Do those who have been through the MM recommend shaving the hoo-ha or waxing it? ive never waxed before but would be willing to if it makes life more comfortable while recovering. Opinions, please!
So here i am, in my full glory. My husband, who...
So here i am, in my full glory. My husband, who took the pictures, told me to focus on the positive aspects of my body and to imagine the after pictures when i start to freak out. He told me he thinks i will look amazing :) I really hope so.
You know, at the start of this process i wasnt sure if my husband was behind my decision or not. I knew i had to do it but i think he felt let out of the process or something. But now he is being so encouraging and supportive and it means so much to me. His faith and positive energy is not necessary, but it is sooooooo nice to have.
On a side note, i think that those pictures was the first time in maybe eight years that i have stood naked in front of him in the daylight. I hope to do more of that after my surgery! ;)
Hello ladies :)
I cant believe that i am less...
Hello ladies :)
I cant believe that i am less than 5 weeks away. Insane. I am down to 186 with a weigh-in tomorrow so hopefully even less in the morning. Come on green tea, work your diuretic magic!
I try to spend a few times each week meditating about how grateful i am for my healthy, strong body. I know that after the surgery i will feel like crap for quite some time. So i have been trying to live in a positive thankful place where i feel gratitude for being able to climb out of bed in the morning easily and with no pain in stead of being a crabby patty about having to wake up. Im not always sucessful at this, but the effort is there!
I continue to eat very clean. So clean in fact that when i splurge just a tiny little bit on something off my diet i suffer the next day with a food hangover where i feel slow and tired and kind of stupid. SO annoying. Cant a girl have a little brie now and then? Geez...
I also go to the gym about 5 times a week and i honestly love it. Its my time and i relish in the fact that i finish each workout with a feeling of empowerment and a general psyched-i rock-go me attitude.
I had a lightbulb moment the other day. I am not the fat girl any more. It may look like it in my picture but i really am not. And after the surgery removes this rediculous skin belt around me and i can live life without the inner tube on my waist i will look awesome. Is it crazy to be slightly afraid of that fact? I have never looked awesome. That is not self deprication just the honest truth. My sister told me to be prepared for more attention paid to my looks and i try to say that i am prepared...but im not sure i am.
Anyhow, doing my best to mentally and physically get where i need to be in five weeks and i think i am well on my way....but ask me again in 4 weeks and i bet ill have a different story to say. ;)
Good luck to any ladies out there who are heading to surgery soon! Prayers are with you :)
I am having a hard time believing that i am only a...
I am having a hard time believing that i am only a few weeks away from my surgery date! Truth be told, the closer i get the more psyco-OCD i am getting. Not surprising i guess. Most of us go through this i assume. So maybe its not strange that i went cuckoo today and sent the hubby and kids out to a movie so i could clean the house top to bottom. I was scrubbing my garbage can and vacuuming the vacuum when i realized that i am now in full force nesting mode. Good i guess, since was house was dirty!
At the grocery store i started buying food that i will make into dinners and freeze for the family when i cant cook. Tomorrow i will beging shopping for post surgery supplies with my mom. Im a list girl- i looooooove my lists. In fact, i began making my surgery lists months ago. So the fact that i am now needing and using my lists is major! :)
But i am getting scared. Not that im going to die on the table or anything, but of recovery. The pain is a little intimidating but honestly what i worry about the most is not being able to take care of my family. I know that i have help in the form of my mother, sister, friends, and a perfectly capable loving husband. But in my house i am a bit of a control freak. I like things done my way and even though i know others can cook and clean and help with the kids it makes me sad that i wont be able to for awhile. I love taking care of my family. It makes me feel complete and fulfilled. It may sound hokey but in my house when im doing the mom and wife gig i feel balanced and happy and grateful. Dont get me wrong, there are days when i want to quit and stop and run away from cranky/demanding kids or hubby. But the vast majority of the time i like being the one who cooks the best eggs and knows where everything is and how to get everything done. I'll hate having to watch from the couch.
So those are the demons i am batteling right now. The closer i get though the more certain i am that i want it done and that i am doing the right thing. I know that the next three weeks will be over in the blink of an eye. This coming week i have my pre-op and my Dr check up and parent teacher conferences so that will keep me busy.
Still praying for all those recovering and those entering surgery soon! Good luck ladies!!!
So i went to my pre-op today with the hubby and i...
So i went to my pre-op today with the hubby and i feel great now. Last night i had to remind my husband that the Dr would be touching my breasts and that he wasnt allowed to freak out! Luckily he (hubby) did very well and gave the Dr a thumbs up! I had my list of questions ready and the Dr answered all of them without skipping a beat. His confidence is so wonderful. It does wonders for calming my own fears. Then it was time to pick the boobs. After trying them on and jumping around and taking pictures i decided on somewhere between 475-500 saline. I made it crystal clear that i dont want to be "all boobs" nor do i want to look foolish or have an obviously fake rack. The Dr assured me that he understands my wishes and that he will make me look great! Yay!
On the way to the appt i was freaking out a little bit. The closer i get the more worried i have become about not being able to take care of my family. Its funny because im not concerned for myself or my healing but for my kids and husband. I feel like im standing at the edge of a cliff looking down. I know i have to jump but the longer i stand there and the longer i wait the more hesitant i become. I need to jump already!!!
I want to really focus these last 2 1/2 weeks on eating clean and working out and giving my body the tools it will need to help me heal. I also want to relish the feeling of being active and energetic. 19 days is nothing. It will pass in a moment, i know. I stopped taking my fish oil and multi-vitamin. I also gave up drinking green tea :( which i hate because mama looooooves her green tea. Oh well. Its only for a few weeks. I also have my Dr check-up on friday and im planning on a brazilian wax
(Eeek!) and a pedicure so i will feel pretty :)
Blessings to all those healing and heading in soon themselves!
OK...so in about 31 hours or so i will going...
OK...so in about 31 hours or so i will going under! This has been a crazy 17 days. My mom has been really ill and there was a time that i thought i may have to postpone my surgery so i could take care of her. But...barring any new health disasters i think im still going through with it.
There has been hardly any time to think about myself these last few days and what is about to happen. When people ask me "are you nervous" or "are you scared" im like "why? Oh wait....im being cut in half. Riiiiiiight....."
But im still not nervous yet. i think im waiting for someone to snatch this opportunity away from me at the last second. But man oh man do i hope nothing goes wrong and that early on monday morning all goes as planned.
I have everything i need. I have all my supplies and tons of healthly food. I have a little cleaning left to do and a little more cooking and then i should be good to go! My sister is coming in from out of town tomorrow which is WONDERFUL! She is my best friend and not only can she help me but she can help my mom. Tomorrow i plan to get a pedicure and to eat light and relax so i feel completely prepared...at least as much as possible. So only a day or so left, ladies....holy crap! Here we go....
So i have six hours before i need to be up and...
So i have six hours before i need to be up and showering to leave for my surgery! My stomach has been in knots all day. The worst part was putting my kids to bed and having my 8 year old daughter cry because she is afraid and wants me to pick her up from school tomorrow- no one else. Then i started thinking about "what if this is the last time i get to sing them to bed and kiss their beautiful faces and tell them i love them"
I know that is crazy talk and that ill be fine. But you cant help but wonder and worry a bit when you have so much to lose.
I have everything set up and ready for when i get home. Say prayers for me, ladies, please. I really believe in them and in positive energy so any you can send my way is greatly appreciated. Blessings to all those who are healing and those about to dive in like me. Much courage and strength to us all! :)