24 days post-op. Having issues and not so happy.

I'm so glad I found this forum. My decision to get a BA has been years in the making, yet I've told not a soul...too many judgmental/negative people in my life. But I'm dying to talk to someone. My back story: Married 35 year old mother of 4 vampires...err...kids. I nursed them all exclusively: 3 months, 12 months, 15, months, & 20 months. That adds up to just over 4 years of my life putting my boobs through the ringer. Functionally, they're rock stars. But physically, they're train wrecks. I can't even fill a pre-teen 32 A bra. It's just saggy skin. I essentially wear prosthetic bras as they're 99.9% padding and not actually me. I look like a 12 year-old boy, clothes and bathing suit shopping is a nightmare...I know, I know. I'm preaching to the choir.

But my road to a BA started even before I had/breastfed kids. In 5th grade, an ugly little boy (whom I hope has been sorely disappointed in his own puberty) called me "flat" in front of 25 of my classmates. And my anxiety with my chest size started at the ripe old age of 10! Adding insult to injury, I didn't really develop until almost college (the epitome of a late bloomer) and even then I was nothing more than a small B. While the size was fine on my frame, I've always felt self-conscience about it. I'm an all natural girl - organic food, grow a garden type of person. Implants? It's the exact opposite of the lifestyle I lead. I know I should look at my breasts with pride for what they've done for my kids and feel happy with what mother nature gave me, but I don't. I still live in this 21st century society and the desire to feel and look like a woman is just too engrained in me.

This decision for a BA comes with a large dose of guilt: the money, the risk, not feeling like I am worth it, etc. etc. But I've come to a place in my life where I'm starting to feel like I deserve better. I deserve to feel confident, deserve to feel sexy, and deserve to do something that is solely for me. I've been having/raising kids for 1/3 of my life. Everything I do is for others. So while I'm still heavily racked with guilt about it, it's almost liberating thinking, "It's okay to do something for myself." I'm beyond grateful for a super supportive husband. He doesn't care if I get them or not. He hasn't pushed me at all. He's just said, "Whatever you decide to do, I'll support you." He's been amazing.

So one day in September, after too many cups of coffee and an odd surge of confidence, I called for consultations. My husband and I went to 3 consultations together when my IL's were in town visiting (under the guise of carpet shopping). We both felt the most comfortable with the same one. I waited another week after the consultations and decided it's now or never. I made the appointment for Nov. 9....it's either then or after the new year. Impulsive and uncharacteristic of me!

Here are my concerns:
SIZE:
My stats are 5'7" - 118 lbs. (competitive athlete). I don't have the tissue or frame to handle large implants. I've decided on silicone and under the muscle, but still don't know about CCs and would love your thoughts. One surgeon (whom I didn't go with) had a 3D picture thing and said I should go bigger than I think. He liked 375s, but I felt more comfortable with 320s. The surgeon I decided to go with, however, said 304 would probably be my max. I'm going for a natural "did she/didn't she?" look and he said that is what would achieve it. He even said 286s would be good. But I'm so scared of going too small. I mean, I'll be grateful for anything at this point, but I keep reading over and over again to go bigger than you think. Should I go up to 339s??

RECOVERY: I gave birth without medication 4 times and yet I'm more scared about this surgery! I don't want to be naive and say it will be easy. I keep reading about all of these things women here have bought to prepare (special bras, scar cream, etc.). I've been told nothing. My meds will be called in for me the day before. That's it. And I kinda wish I could get an anti-anxiety pill and start taking it like now. lol. I'm also worried about how to take care of my family. Husband took 3 days off afterwards, but we have no other family around for 2000 miles. We're on our own with 4 busy kids. Would love your tips on how to survive the first week!

SAFETY: First of all, I'm nervous about voluntary surgery. Secondly, I'm nervous about the implants themselves. At one consultation, the surgeon said it is recommended to get an MRI to detect leaking every 5 years. She also said I need to feel comfortable with the concept of not being able to see 5% of my breast tissue in mammograms, etc. That's scary. And reading over the Allergan pamphlet and waivers I have to sign is extremely sobering. Anyone else feel nervous about their implants' safety?

RESULTS: I'm worried about complications - capsular contraction, shape, size, feel, pain, etc. etc. I'm also worried about how my family will react - my kids and my extended family. Like I said, I've not spoken a word about it. I'm also worried about getting the blues and feeling disappointed that this won't be as life changing as I anticipate it will be.

Any and all advice, thoughts, and opinions on the above are more than welcomed! (Would especially love to hear your thoughts on size). In the meantime, I'll get some before pics of my miserable breasts up as well as a picture of that 3D imaging. Thanks in advance!