24 days post-op. Having issues and not so happy.
- updated 1 year ago
I'm so glad I found this forum. My decision to get...
- 23 Oct 2012
- 16 days pre
I'm so glad I found this forum. My decision to get a BA has been years in the making, yet I've told not a soul...too many judgmental/negative people in my life. But I'm dying to talk to someone. My back story: Married 35 year old mother of 4 vampires...err...kids. I nursed them all exclusively: 3 months, 12 months, 15, months, & 20 months. That adds up to just over 4 years of my life putting my boobs through the ringer. Functionally, they're rock stars. But physically, they're train wrecks. I can't even fill a pre-teen 32 A bra. It's just saggy skin. I essentially wear prosthetic bras as they're 99.9% padding and not actually me. I look like a 12 year-old boy, clothes and bathing suit shopping is a nightmare...I know, I know. I'm preaching to the choir.
But my road to a BA started even before I had/breastfed kids. In 5th grade, an ugly little boy (whom I hope has been sorely disappointed in his own puberty) called me "flat" in front of 25 of my classmates. And my anxiety with my chest size started at the ripe old age of 10! Adding insult to injury, I didn't really develop until almost college (the epitome of a late bloomer) and even then I was nothing more than a small B. While the size was fine on my frame, I've always felt self-conscience about it. I'm an all natural girl - organic food, grow a garden type of person. Implants? It's the exact opposite of the lifestyle I lead. I know I should look at my breasts with pride for what they've done for my kids and feel happy with what mother nature gave me, but I don't. I still live in this 21st century society and the desire to feel and look like a woman is just too engrained in me.
This decision for a BA comes with a large dose of guilt: the money, the risk, not feeling like I am worth it, etc. etc. But I've come to a place in my life where I'm starting to feel like I deserve better. I deserve to feel confident, deserve to feel sexy, and deserve to do something that is solely for me. I've been having/raising kids for 1/3 of my life. Everything I do is for others. So while I'm still heavily racked with guilt about it, it's almost liberating thinking, "It's okay to do something for myself." I'm beyond grateful for a super supportive husband. He doesn't care if I get them or not. He hasn't pushed me at all. He's just said, "Whatever you decide to do, I'll support you." He's been amazing.
So one day in September, after too many cups of coffee and an odd surge of confidence, I called for consultations. My husband and I went to 3 consultations together when my IL's were in town visiting (under the guise of carpet shopping). We both felt the most comfortable with the same one. I waited another week after the consultations and decided it's now or never. I made the appointment for Nov. 9....it's either then or after the new year. Impulsive and uncharacteristic of me!
Here are my concerns:
My stats are 5'7" - 118 lbs. (competitive athlete). I don't have the tissue or frame to handle large implants. I've decided on silicone and under the muscle, but still don't know about CCs and would love your thoughts. One surgeon (whom I didn't go with) had a 3D picture thing and said I should go bigger than I think. He liked 375s, but I felt more comfortable with 320s. The surgeon I decided to go with, however, said 304 would probably be my max. I'm going for a natural "did she/didn't she?" look and he said that is what would achieve it. He even said 286s would be good. But I'm so scared of going too small. I mean, I'll be grateful for anything at this point, but I keep reading over and over again to go bigger than you think. Should I go up to 339s??
RECOVERY: I gave birth without medication 4 times and yet I'm more scared about this surgery! I don't want to be naive and say it will be easy. I keep reading about all of these things women here have bought to prepare (special bras, scar cream, etc.). I've been told nothing. My meds will be called in for me the day before. That's it. And I kinda wish I could get an anti-anxiety pill and start taking it like now. lol. I'm also worried about how to take care of my family. Husband took 3 days off afterwards, but we have no other family around for 2000 miles. We're on our own with 4 busy kids. Would love your tips on how to survive the first week!
SAFETY: First of all, I'm nervous about voluntary surgery. Secondly, I'm nervous about the implants themselves. At one consultation, the surgeon said it is recommended to get an MRI to detect leaking every 5 years. She also said I need to feel comfortable with the concept of not being able to see 5% of my breast tissue in mammograms, etc. That's scary. And reading over the Allergan pamphlet and waivers I have to sign is extremely sobering. Anyone else feel nervous about their implants' safety?
RESULTS: I'm worried about complications - capsular contraction, shape, size, feel, pain, etc. etc. I'm also worried about how my family will react - my kids and my extended family. Like I said, I've not spoken a word about it. I'm also worried about getting the blues and feeling disappointed that this won't be as life changing as I anticipate it will be.
Any and all advice, thoughts, and opinions on the above are more than welcomed! (Would especially love to hear your thoughts on size). In the meantime, I'll get some before pics of my miserable breasts up as well as a picture of that 3D imaging. Thanks in advance!
I went in this morning for a second sizing session...
- 26 Oct 2012
- 14 days pre
I'm deciding on between 304-339 silicone unders. I've decided to not give it anymore thought because at this point, I feel like it doesn't matter how many pictures you see, how many comparisons you make, your CCs will look unique on you and you alone. I'm going to just relax and leave the final decision up to my Dr. I'll bring the photos I like to pre-op along with my photos of absolute "no's" not this. I chose this Dr. because he was the one who understood my desire to maintain an active lifestyle, maintain my proportions, and still participate in my sport (I'm a competitive rower). The other Drs where pushing big, big, big. I liked the fullness of the 339s compared to the 304s, but at the end of this whole process, I don't think I want to be bigger than the 339 picture. I'll upload pictures shortly - would love opinions!
I'm home and recovering. I haven't posted much...
- 9 Nov 2012
- Day of treatment
Anyway I'm home now and feeling "meh"...pain is a bit more than I thought. I have well developed pecs due to rowing so my dr said it will be a bit more uncomfortable. I feel sore as heck - like a truck parked on my chest. I haven't seen the girls yet, but get to shower tomorrow so ill look then. I'm a bit scared actually!
So I'm one of the seemingly few girls to go smaller than was discussed. I went in last week for sizing and chose 339s. Bit after a lot of internal debate, decided that's too big for me. I want to look like I would have per kids. I know people say you'll regret not going bigger. Maybe. But I'm a fan of not trying to make your body do what it can't do. I'm 5'7", 115, and athletic. I want to fill a bathing suit, but not spill out of it. My dr and I debated the 304 and 286. He said he could pretty much guarantee the results I was after with 286 unders. He would have to cut more fibers with 304s and stretch the pockets more. I decided to trust his expertise and went with the 286s. Now to wait to see how they look!
No nausea, but worried about sleeping upright tonight. I wish we had a recliner... Pillows will have to suffice!
Day 1 post op. Looked at the girls for the first...
- 10 Nov 2012
- 1 day post
I feel more like myself by the hour. Had a big cry...
- 12 Nov 2012
- 3 days post
My left boob continues to be larger than the right. I'm trying not to freak out about it yet. It's only been 3 days, but I'm worried it's more than swelling. You can tell from my pre-op pictures there wasn't really a difference in size beforehand. I'll post today's pics shortly.
Tomorrow marks 2 weeks since my surgery. It's...
- 22 Nov 2012
- 13 days post
BUT, the good news is that I'm really happy with the girls at this point. Swelling has gone down and they are a lot softer. My pics posted are from a few days ago, but they've dropped even more since then. I'm also really happy with the 286 size. I can't imagine going any bigger and being able to achieve a natural look. I feel like they are huge on me right now. I'm a C cup right now which is awesome. But they're not too big that they'll get in the way of my activities/athletics or cause too many stares. I'm really hopeful I'll love my look once they're settled. But first....to start feeling better. :(
I'm 24 days post op and things are definitely...
- 3 Dec 2012
- 24 days post
1. Mondor Cords - developed under right breast. They're harmless, I know, and will go away, but disturbing and sore.
2. Size - I know things will settle over time, but I feel like I may have gone too big. Yes. With 286s. They really hit my arms and it's annoying. They look fine under clothes, but naked I think they're still really ridiculous...especially when I lift my arms. But I will be patient and see how they settle. I cannot believe I ever considered 304s or 339s.
3. Rippling - I'll post a photo.You can feel it on the outside of both breasts, but you can actually see it on the left. My PS said he expected that I would have it due to little tissue, but he didn't tell me that he expected it. Huh. I knew it was a risk, but would have been better prepared had he told me his thoughts on it beforehand.
4. PAIN - I am experiencing SEVERE NERVE REGENERATION pain. It feels like my skin is covered in broken glass and the insides of my breasts are full of pine needles. I gave birth naturally 4 times. I can tolerate pain. But this has me gritting my teeth and virtually unable to function all day. It pervades my every thought. Heck, every breath as my skin rubs on my bra and is excruciating. I went to see my PS and he said the best I can do is massage them with a wash cloth in the shower (torture) to desensitize them. It helps them feel numb for about 5 minutes, but that's it. No pain medication I've tried helps at all. I've done some reading, but haven't seen anyone who describes it as intensely. I've started massaging with arnica a few times a day and am taking vitamins that I've read may help with nerve regeneration. This is day 15 with ZERO improvement. It's really impacting my life as well as my family's life because I'm so miserable and abrupt with my sweet kids. My poor husband...so eager to get to know the girls, but I can't even imagine letting him near them. I've read it can take months or even a year for symptoms to improve. I've also read it can be permanent which scares the bejeezus out of me. My PS said removing the implants may not help because the nerves will still be damaged. I knew loss of sensation was a risk, but never knew pain like this was a risk. I'd take loss of sensation over this pain. The worst part, I've found myself wistful for my old, pain-free, boobs. Flat and all. At least I could function. I will continue to remain hopeful and try to work through this stage. But I was wholly unprepared for it and am growing weary/angry for having done this to myself on purpose. :(