24 days post-op. Having issues and not so happy.

I'm so glad I found this forum. My decision to get...

I'm so glad I found this forum. My decision to get a BA has been years in the making, yet I've told not a soul...too many judgmental/negative people in my life. But I'm dying to talk to someone. My back story: Married 35 year old mother of 4 vampires...err...kids. I nursed them all exclusively: 3 months, 12 months, 15, months, & 20 months. That adds up to just over 4 years of my life putting my boobs through the ringer. Functionally, they're rock stars. But physically, they're train wrecks. I can't even fill a pre-teen 32 A bra. It's just saggy skin. I essentially wear prosthetic bras as they're 99.9% padding and not actually me. I look like a 12 year-old boy, clothes and bathing suit shopping is a nightmare...I know, I know. I'm preaching to the choir.

But my road to a BA started even before I had/breastfed kids. In 5th grade, an ugly little boy (whom I hope has been sorely disappointed in his own puberty) called me "flat" in front of 25 of my classmates. And my anxiety with my chest size started at the ripe old age of 10! Adding insult to injury, I didn't really develop until almost college (the epitome of a late bloomer) and even then I was nothing more than a small B. While the size was fine on my frame, I've always felt self-conscience about it. I'm an all natural girl - organic food, grow a garden type of person. Implants? It's the exact opposite of the lifestyle I lead. I know I should look at my breasts with pride for what they've done for my kids and feel happy with what mother nature gave me, but I don't. I still live in this 21st century society and the desire to feel and look like a woman is just too engrained in me.

This decision for a BA comes with a large dose of guilt: the money, the risk, not feeling like I am worth it, etc. etc. But I've come to a place in my life where I'm starting to feel like I deserve better. I deserve to feel confident, deserve to feel sexy, and deserve to do something that is solely for me. I've been having/raising kids for 1/3 of my life. Everything I do is for others. So while I'm still heavily racked with guilt about it, it's almost liberating thinking, "It's okay to do something for myself." I'm beyond grateful for a super supportive husband. He doesn't care if I get them or not. He hasn't pushed me at all. He's just said, "Whatever you decide to do, I'll support you." He's been amazing.

So one day in September, after too many cups of coffee and an odd surge of confidence, I called for consultations. My husband and I went to 3 consultations together when my IL's were in town visiting (under the guise of carpet shopping). We both felt the most comfortable with the same one. I waited another week after the consultations and decided it's now or never. I made the appointment for Nov. 9....it's either then or after the new year. Impulsive and uncharacteristic of me!

Here are my concerns:
SIZE:
My stats are 5'7" - 118 lbs. (competitive athlete). I don't have the tissue or frame to handle large implants. I've decided on silicone and under the muscle, but still don't know about CCs and would love your thoughts. One surgeon (whom I didn't go with) had a 3D picture thing and said I should go bigger than I think. He liked 375s, but I felt more comfortable with 320s. The surgeon I decided to go with, however, said 304 would probably be my max. I'm going for a natural "did she/didn't she?" look and he said that is what would achieve it. He even said 286s would be good. But I'm so scared of going too small. I mean, I'll be grateful for anything at this point, but I keep reading over and over again to go bigger than you think. Should I go up to 339s??

RECOVERY: I gave birth without medication 4 times and yet I'm more scared about this surgery! I don't want to be naive and say it will be easy. I keep reading about all of these things women here have bought to prepare (special bras, scar cream, etc.). I've been told nothing. My meds will be called in for me the day before. That's it. And I kinda wish I could get an anti-anxiety pill and start taking it like now. lol. I'm also worried about how to take care of my family. Husband took 3 days off afterwards, but we have no other family around for 2000 miles. We're on our own with 4 busy kids. Would love your tips on how to survive the first week!

SAFETY: First of all, I'm nervous about voluntary surgery. Secondly, I'm nervous about the implants themselves. At one consultation, the surgeon said it is recommended to get an MRI to detect leaking every 5 years. She also said I need to feel comfortable with the concept of not being able to see 5% of my breast tissue in mammograms, etc. That's scary. And reading over the Allergan pamphlet and waivers I have to sign is extremely sobering. Anyone else feel nervous about their implants' safety?

RESULTS: I'm worried about complications - capsular contraction, shape, size, feel, pain, etc. etc. I'm also worried about how my family will react - my kids and my extended family. Like I said, I've not spoken a word about it. I'm also worried about getting the blues and feeling disappointed that this won't be as life changing as I anticipate it will be.

Any and all advice, thoughts, and opinions on the above are more than welcomed! (Would especially love to hear your thoughts on size). In the meantime, I'll get some before pics of my miserable breasts up as well as a picture of that 3D imaging. Thanks in advance!

6 Comments

Hello Kkit, Look up the blog on this site titled ....10 Things I wish I'd known before Breast Augmentation. There are a lot of comments and input. Best Wishes
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hi KKit! just like you, i've all this what if's and thousand of other questions i practically at one point thought, is this really worth getting into? see a week before my surgery, i came down with a cold. actually, i've been fighting off the cold for a whole month almost on the month of my surgery, i've spent hundreds of dollars on otc meds just to make sure i wont be sick on the day of the surgery and that it won't get postponed becuase i've only one shot at doing this, i work and i took time off, and we all know how hard it is to take time off work. anyway, on the day of my surgery, i was still a lil sick, but i made up my mind about getting it over with, so i went ahead, and it was definitely one of the best decisions of my life. there will be days you'll be wondering, is this all worth the pain and discomfort, and the slow and long recovery? i say it is. the difference between u and me is that i have no kids, i cannot possibly imagine how i would do it if i have little ones to worry about. but at the same time, if you're a stay at home wife, it'll be easier, you can do everything at your own pace, without ever having to worry about, am i ready to go back to work? so as for your questions, im not a doctor, i can't consider myself an expert but i can share my experience with you. i can't really convince u of the size, but im 5'2, im tiny, and petite, you'll see in my pictures, im not a waif or skinny, i dont think. in fact i am a bit pudgy in the stomach area. lol. anyway, i got 400cc on the left and 485cc on the right, ultra high profile, silicone, unders. i dont think im very big at all, but im only less than a month out, so it's safe to say that my boobies haven't exactly reached it's optimum size. i know it takes about a month to 3 month for it to settle and fluff out. when the implants drop, they seem to appear bigger. but looking at my pics will give u an idea of what im talking about. also, it's different for everyone, i've seen pictures of girls, same height, same built, same amount of CCs put it, and yet looked very different still post-op. this is from a PS' web page too, he was explaining the difference of size for everyone. things like skin elasticity, amount of breast tissue, measurement of your chest...that's pretty much how they measure what implant size will be feasible for your body. my PS didn't know exactly what CCs he would go with til he cut me up. he went with his sizers, and that explains the huge difference in volume of CCs on my right and left. and trust me, i obsessed about the numbers day and night, pre and post-op. interestingly, the big difference in CCs were decided on for a reason. My PS is really skilled, and good at what he does. because my breasts look very symmetrical to me...i had no idea, the other boob was that much smaller since they were merely a mosquito bite in the beginning. lol. what i would do is make sure to communicate what you want to achieve with your PS. I went with pictures of different women i liked, women who to me appeared to have similar body type. you also need to be realistic with your expectations, like in my case, i have accepted that i will be big but still not as big as someone who already have bigger breasts than me prior to surgery. they are also not like real breasts, they are very easy to conceal and get hidden in clothing. i look big in my picture where i was wearing a pink bra, but in the clothes i wear to work, people wouldn't know i had a boob job, if i didnt tell them, btw, i have always worn heavily padded bra so my boobs now look just like my padded version of me. =) except i have a perfect cleavage now, which tons and tons of padding, taping and what not couldn't give my then flat as a wall chest.
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sorry, i was afraid i'd get cut off because of my novel of a reply. but i just want to help. so i want to explain the best way i could. =)recovery, girl if you've had 4 babies, there is absolutely nothing at all to be scared of. the pain i have imagined prior to surgery was definitely an exaggeration in my head. i wouldn't even use the word pain here because you'll just scare yourself. it was really more of just a feeling of discomfort, and the feeling of having foreign inside your body, you know. like you're well aware it wasn't there before, and now it's inside you, and it doesnt feel like it is part of your body. and there's the fact that i am still sleeping on the recliner, that is probably the worst for me. that i still cannot lay in bed, it's just not comfortable. neither one is comfortable, but the recliner is actually where i can fall and stay asleep. other than that im almost back to normal, first 2weeks is when you feel all the discomfort, but after that, you'll get used to it. and slowly go back to your normal routine. i have to take melatonin to sleep too. up until now. i was never a good sleeper to begin with but not sleeping in bed and the tightness and sore feeling when you sleep at night and wake up in the morning is still there. my hubby took 4 only 2 days off but it was also the weekend after that so, all in all i had him for 4 days. on the 4th day, he really didnt have to wait on me. i just need help getting in and out of bed/recliner. i cannot pull myself out from the bed or anywhere im sleeping in for fear i would pop a suture. and also, make sure you got everything within reach, you will not be able to reach over your head. ha for 3 days, i had to have him pull my pants up and down whenever i go use the bathroom, tmi i know but again, you need to know this things...lol. i also ate a lot of soup the first few days out. i couldnt cook so soup is easy for when im by myself. hubby did the cooking for almost 2 weeks, that and the dishes, and the laundry...i am blessed with a good man. im sure u are too =) about your fear of complications, this is how i look at it. you cannot predict the outcome of your surgery, long term or otherwise anymore than you can predict your health a year from now, 2 years down the road or ten. i feel if it's not breast cancer, it will be something else. lots of women have had cancer who never had a BA, and yet it wasn't a condition to not ever get them. if you pick the food that will absolutely keep you from getting sick, you would probably end up eating grass only. you know what im saying? everything you do in life, there's always a risk, but to me, the quality of life i will have, the new found confidence, to me that is priceless. i'd do all this all over again in ten years, in a heartbeat when the time comes that i would need revision. yes, the implants aqre not forever and i am fine with that. i would however, start saving up for future surgery =) i think, like everything else in life, what you are scared of is the unknown. not knowing what's going to happen is always an unnerving feeling. so keep reading as much as you can, do your research and ask your sisters in this website, all the other girls will be just as happy to share their experience with you. i'll give you links of the other girls' stories in this website who has helped and inspired me. look them up, you'll learn a thing or two from them...

I went in this morning for a second sizing session...

I went in this morning for a second sizing session and I'm just so excited. It's funny....at home I'm all worried and anxious and second guessing myself about everything just about every 30 seconds. But I go into the office and they do such a good job of making you feel like it is no big deal, easy peasy, you're going to look fantastic, etc. I got a sudden burst of excitement and now I can't wait for my big day.

I'm deciding on between 304-339 silicone unders. I've decided to not give it anymore thought because at this point, I feel like it doesn't matter how many pictures you see, how many comparisons you make, your CCs will look unique on you and you alone. I'm going to just relax and leave the final decision up to my Dr. I'll bring the photos I like to pre-op along with my photos of absolute "no's" not this. I chose this Dr. because he was the one who understood my desire to maintain an active lifestyle, maintain my proportions, and still participate in my sport (I'm a competitive rower). The other Drs where pushing big, big, big. I liked the fullness of the 339s compared to the 304s, but at the end of this whole process, I don't think I want to be bigger than the 339 picture. I'll upload pictures shortly - would love opinions!

3 Comments

I can't wait to see your images...would love to the difference between the two. Although I'm shorter and almost the same weight I'm very active and worry about them getting in the way. I'm sure you've read everywhere and what everyone has said about being indecisive about ccs...go with your gut and the bigger of the two.
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Fantastic link. I love hearing frank advice from people who've been there. Thank you so much!!
Foxxxy - How sweet are you? Thank you so much for your words of encouragement as well as your honest opinions, thoughts, and feelings. I really agree with you - ultimately, the quality of life and new found confidence is truly priceless. THAT is exactly what I'm after. Thank you for the links, too. I am so grateful for people like you sharing their stories. It makes this whole thing a lot less intimidating...especially for people like me who come from very conservative, negative families and have no one to talk to.

I'm home and recovering. I haven't posted much...

I'm home and recovering. I haven't posted much because 1) i was on boob overload. I needed to step back and stop obsessing. And 2) I have 4 kids and work PT out of the home. I spent the last two weeks prepping to be out of commission for a while.

Anyway I'm home now and feeling "meh"...pain is a bit more than I thought. I have well developed pecs due to rowing so my dr said it will be a bit more uncomfortable. I feel sore as heck - like a truck parked on my chest. I haven't seen the girls yet, but get to shower tomorrow so ill look then. I'm a bit scared actually!

So I'm one of the seemingly few girls to go smaller than was discussed. I went in last week for sizing and chose 339s. Bit after a lot of internal debate, decided that's too big for me. I want to look like I would have per kids. I know people say you'll regret not going bigger. Maybe. But I'm a fan of not trying to make your body do what it can't do. I'm 5'7", 115, and athletic. I want to fill a bathing suit, but not spill out of it. My dr and I debated the 304 and 286. He said he could pretty much guarantee the results I was after with 286 unders. He would have to cut more fibers with 304s and stretch the pockets more. I decided to trust his expertise and went with the 286s. Now to wait to see how they look!

No nausea, but worried about sleeping upright tonight. I wish we had a recliner... Pillows will have to suffice!

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Day 1 post op. Looked at the girls for the first...

Day 1 post op. Looked at the girls for the first time. Wow! They seem so big! Worried my left one is going into my armpit a bit. I'll post a picture. They're still super sore. Hurts to breathe deep. Taking my pain meds and icing like crazy. Husband helped me shower which made me feel a lot better. He's been a rockstar managing the house and 4 kids while I'm out of commission. :)

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I loved reading your story. I also went with small implants (270-290). Last night I had huge regret and anxiety, they seem so huge! I hope that most of it is swelling and will reduce. I took a shower this morning and I have a post op appointment on Tuesday. Then I will begin massaging. Day one was pretty miserable but each day is much better. I am off pain meds and am also icing like crazy. Mine are pretty bruised. How are yours?
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You look lovely! I am going for a similar cc amount. Please keep us updated. :) I think you'll look very natural post-op.
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*when all healed, I meant. not post-op. haha. You already are post-op.

I feel more like myself by the hour. Had a big cry...

I feel more like myself by the hour. Had a big cry last night - wondering if I did the right thing. It started to sink in I have these things in my body now. I really started to worry about everything.....but I think the lack of activity, the reliance on my poor husband these past few days, etc. etc. was getting to me. I'm still exhausted, but I can finally take a deep breath without pain. I think my body really hated me the first 2 days.

My left boob continues to be larger than the right. I'm trying not to freak out about it yet. It's only been 3 days, but I'm worried it's more than swelling. You can tell from my pre-op pictures there wasn't really a difference in size beforehand. I'll post today's pics shortly.

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Thank you for sharing, hope everything works out!!
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I am very happy to see some of you choosing the right size for your frame. Just a warning for you short gals like me, please please please be careful on size when choosing. If you go too big, it may make you feel fat. Too big takes up more room on your chest hindering the look of a slimmer waistline. (the chest and hips look) Try a high profile implant to make you look large without taking up too much room on your chest. I know what this surgery entails, money, time, pain, patients, and expectations. I would like to see everyone be happy.
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Tomorrow marks 2 weeks since my surgery. It's...

Tomorrow marks 2 weeks since my surgery. It's been, well, not so easy. I've been really surprised on how much discomfort I'm still in. Mostly it is soreness, but also lots of burning and stinging from what I assume is nerve regeneration. I thought for sure by now I'd be feeling pretty good. But I'm probably only at 60% back to myself. I'm still taking a muscle relaxer 2x a day and tylenol off and on. My surgeon said the relaxer will help my developed muscles (from rowing) stop being so tight. Admittedly, I've probably been doing to much. Four kids and my husband returned to work this week...I've had no choice but to step up my activity level.

BUT, the good news is that I'm really happy with the girls at this point. Swelling has gone down and they are a lot softer. My pics posted are from a few days ago, but they've dropped even more since then. I'm also really happy with the 286 size. I can't imagine going any bigger and being able to achieve a natural look. I feel like they are huge on me right now. I'm a C cup right now which is awesome. But they're not too big that they'll get in the way of my activities/athletics or cause too many stares. I'm really hopeful I'll love my look once they're settled. But first....to start feeling better. :(

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I think you look awesome! I was drawn to your story because I also live in MN, but also because I'm also athletic and going for a smaller implant (265 CC). Your after pictures are amazing and fit your body beautifully!
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Hi ~ Your results are very natural looking! I'm on day 10 post-op, and mine are still sitting very high on my chest. I've been told to go bra-less until I get my sutures removed, so trying to dress in anything but a sweatshirt has been a challenge. I spent an hour in my closet tonight trying on clothes that I could wear to church tomorrow...so depressing! I've resorted to wearing bandaids over my nipples, lol. Anyway, I enjoyed reading your story. I find that the more active I am, the less sore I feel. Hope you start feeling more like yourself soon!
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Because you have so little body fat, do you notice distortion when you flex your pecs? I couldn't have under the muscle because it looked so weird when I used my muscle.
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I'm 24 days post op and things are definitely...

I'm 24 days post op and things are definitely different than I thought they'd be. I'm having some issues and not real thrilled at this point. Here they are from least to worst:
1. Mondor Cords - developed under right breast. They're harmless, I know, and will go away, but disturbing and sore.
2. Size - I know things will settle over time, but I feel like I may have gone too big. Yes. With 286s. They really hit my arms and it's annoying. They look fine under clothes, but naked I think they're still really ridiculous...especially when I lift my arms. But I will be patient and see how they settle. I cannot believe I ever considered 304s or 339s.
3. Rippling - I'll post a photo.You can feel it on the outside of both breasts, but you can actually see it on the left. My PS said he expected that I would have it due to little tissue, but he didn't tell me that he expected it. Huh. I knew it was a risk, but would have been better prepared had he told me his thoughts on it beforehand.
4. PAIN - I am experiencing SEVERE NERVE REGENERATION pain. It feels like my skin is covered in broken glass and the insides of my breasts are full of pine needles. I gave birth naturally 4 times. I can tolerate pain. But this has me gritting my teeth and virtually unable to function all day. It pervades my every thought. Heck, every breath as my skin rubs on my bra and is excruciating. I went to see my PS and he said the best I can do is massage them with a wash cloth in the shower (torture) to desensitize them. It helps them feel numb for about 5 minutes, but that's it. No pain medication I've tried helps at all. I've done some reading, but haven't seen anyone who describes it as intensely. I've started massaging with arnica a few times a day and am taking vitamins that I've read may help with nerve regeneration. This is day 15 with ZERO improvement. It's really impacting my life as well as my family's life because I'm so miserable and abrupt with my sweet kids. My poor husband...so eager to get to know the girls, but I can't even imagine letting him near them. I've read it can take months or even a year for symptoms to improve. I've also read it can be permanent which scares the bejeezus out of me. My PS said removing the implants may not help because the nerves will still be damaged. I knew loss of sensation was a risk, but never knew pain like this was a risk. I'd take loss of sensation over this pain. The worst part, I've found myself wistful for my old, pain-free, boobs. Flat and all. At least I could function. I will continue to remain hopeful and try to work through this stage. But I was wholly unprepared for it and am growing weary/angry for having done this to myself on purpose. :(

23 Comments

Please update your review, we would like to know how you're feeling about your implants and whether the nerve issue has resolved.
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Oh dear! How are you now?
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OH! I am getting Silicone implants as well and my PS said that by the time I need an MRI, they will be doing ultrasounds instead to detect leakages .This was one of the factors that made me decide to do silicone afterall...
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