cast is off ....so weird

Similar to everyone who seems to be on this website I have had insecurities from a pretty young age. Some specific examples I remember: my French teacher was trying to describe the look of a witch nose and someone in the class suggested it was similar to mine...and more recently a boss I had a year ago asked if I had ever considered getting my nose pierced so "people wouldnt notice how big it is". However, these comments never specifically bothered me, I mean I could point out flaws in any of the people who said these things as well...but being unhappy with what I saw myself in the mirror is what has always bothered me. I am generally very happy with my appearance, I know I have some features that other people would kill for, however I have always had a sore spot about my nose...I feel like it takes away from the rest of my face and I am constantly thinking about whether people are noticing my nose, or me. Aside from those reasons I'm also a small girl: 5"1 and thin, and the rest of my features are very delicate..my nose just does not fit me in my opinion. Anyways after this lengthy introduction I guess I should cut to the chase haha

I did research on Canadian doctors in mostly the Toronto area and wasn't very impressed wi any of the reviews or websites I saw..the prices were also extremely high (I didn't base my decision on price, but I'm just saying there weren't impressive in more than one way!) so I decided to see dr golden and I was highly impressed with his manner (he was quirky and honest) so I didn't mind the estimate of 6800 that he gave me.

He told me basically everything to expect from the time I left his office that day, to after surgery..and spent a lengthly amount of time with me which I liked because the woman before me who was there for her consult only spent about five minutes in his office! Crazy!

My surgery date is tentatively booked for mid November due to work schedules...which means I have soon long to think and worry about this haha (I think I'd rather just get it over and done with ASAP!)

I haven't actually out down a deposit yet which means I can cancel if I want with no consequence...something I keep turning over in my head every time I think about how scary the whole idea is...but then I catch a glimps of my nose and it reaffirms my decision every time.

Has anyone else had a long time to wait before their surgery?!?

So i have decided in the next three months or so before my surgery I am going to focus wholly on work and saving my money!!!! I am hoping this will help to pass the time before my surgery and keep me from thinking about it constantly! The only thing that really freaks me out about this whole thing is the cost...i keep thinking things like "that could be two vacations to the bahamas!" haha bad idea...i think id much rather have a nice nose year ROUND then have a one week trip : ) aside from money, im also worried about telling my boyfriend...which i have not gotten to yet! so far just my parents..and they were pretty accepting which surprised me

Well tomorrow is the big day. Doesn't really feel real at this point, I am mostly scared I must admit. Going to make sure I go over what I want with my doctor once more and hopefully that will put me at ease. The last week I've been so nervous so anytime I feel like chickening out I think back to how long I've wanted this, realize I'll regret it if I don't go through with it. It also helps to look at my profile in te mirror because yeeeeuuuucckkkk!

I've been taking arnica tablets so hopefully that helps with bruising. I am having my nose broken though so we will see! Wish me luck!

So just got back from surges, I feel. Little shaky and my nose doesn't really hurt too badly. The surgery itself was not too bad. I we under twilight anesthesia and soterrifiedofwaking up during it. And I think I sort of did I because at one point I could hear mumbling from the doctors and I felt like a pulling feeling of my nose, then I I remember making some sort if whimpering sound . Then I woke up Ina another room, in a big armchair,,,with my mom hanging over me, I have NO idea how I got there I don't remember walking or changing my hospital gown is so I I thought that was pretty nuts. It took like half hr for me to stop being super groggy and now I just feel kind of shaken. My bruises are in full effect. Already and the bags under my eyes are oppuffy and swollen, my mom did say that she thought I'd look much worse than I did ! Hopefully I don't get too too bad with swelling. I'm practically drifting to unconsciousness at the moment so I'll leave it at that :)

So another quick update... Its been ten hrs since my surgery...mentally I am perfectly fine...physically I look like a balloon. I had taken arnica but I guess it doesn't work for me sadly. Ah well...I don't have too much of an appetite right now...plus my upper teeth kind of hurt when I try to chew. I have pretty heavy bleeding in my drip pad..though it's more of a boogery blood than pure blood ( sorry, gross I know!). Oh one other thing, one of my eyes is going crazy....superrrrr red and itchy but the other one is fine. The surgeon said this is normal. Honestly that is the most uncomfortable part right now...the itchy eye lol. Nose just feels stuffed and the smallest bit of pressure on it. Can't even get a peak at my nose because it is way too swollen and the drip pad needs to stay on...excited to see though I really hope I made the right decision

So its 9 am the second day after surgery and whoah did my face ever explode over night! Soooo swollen I actually laughed when I looked in the mirror. Slept ok, had the keep waking up to get a sip of water....superrrrr dry mouth. Took a pain pill as soon as I woke up more for the pressure I feel. There's pressure everywhere...cheeks, eyes, upper lip, and especially my nose of course!

I felt sooo bad last night right before bed took my pain pill and antibiotic and about half hour later had THE worst stomach pain...guess I forgot to eat with it! Won't be making that mistake again! Had some bread and felt better soon after. Yesterday I also went out in public ( shocking I know!) walked around target with my mom and felt fine....don't think I'll be doing anything like that today though...wayyyyyy too swollen my face feels puffy and hot...it's just uncomfortable not painful, and I knew it would get worse before it gets better . Cast off on Monday although at this point I feel like it'll be too swollen to my face to pull off! Lol

sooo i got my cast off on monday, had some tape, and then that came off earlier today because it was falling off so i just pulled it. (he said it would only last 2-3 days anyways). some thoughts on getting my cast removed: i was scared alright...of what id see, and how it would feel. it was actualyl very uncomfortable, he shoveds some long q tips with medicine up my nose, but i cam prepared and was chewing gum so it didnt taste too horribe...felt like he was poking my brain. then he pulled out my stiches, felt like a pinching feeling in my very tender nose, then the stitches on my forehead, that hurt. he pushed the tape down HARD on my nose and i admit i had tears. most uncomfortable part of the process in my opinion.

now. my initial reaction was like...WOW is that really me??? my front view is sooooo swollen, but generally the same, so thats not too drastic in my opinion. the sides of my bridge and tip are VERY swollen and in pictures you can see there is uneven swelling making my nose look kind of crooked right now (it doesnt look that bad in real life, just pics for some reason really catch the swelling)...but this IS still less than a week after my surgery after all.

the profile view is SOOOO different, and im not sure about it yet! to me the tip is a little too "elf like" and by that i mean upturned, but he told me it should drop. i asked for a straight profile and it does look pretty straight to me, somewhat scooped but BARELY, and im thinking its more because the tip is a little upturned at this point that it looks that way....what do you guys think???

no pain , stopped taking meds on sunday :) ...and can fully breeath through both nostrils at this point.

(oh but one thing is that i have been having horrible jaw pain...i have no idea why? maybe from holding my mouth open to breath at night??? has anyone else had this?)

Thanks so much for the kind words everyone! It's just a shock seeing such a change so quickly! And I apologize again for all the typos...I write from my iPad and it's horrible lol