Terrified and Excited!!!! - Mesa, AZ
So after stalking this website for the past 6...
I am 34 yrs. old ( next month 35), am just shy of 6'1" tall and weigh 163lbs. I have had body image issues my whole lfe. I have been this tall since sixth grade, and even though I was disgustingly skinny until my early 20's, I thought I was fat because of two things: everyone else wore a smaller size then me, and I had absolutely nobody to compare my height/frame with. Although I am now wise enough to know that I will probably not be the same size as someone who is an foot shorter than me, I still have a hard time comparing body types with someone due to my height, and the fact that I am not proportioned very evenly.
Then in my early 20's, welcome pregnancy. When I got pregnant I was 140lbs, and a week after I gave birth I was 257lbs!!! I blame life. I expected to have a husband and a family, and the father dissapeared off the face of the earth at 22wks pregnant. I have not seen or talked to him since. At aound 32 wks. or so, I made the decision to put the baby up for adoption, as I was very young, not prepared, and wanted her to have both mother and father. I would never wish the pain of placing a child for adoption on my worst enemy. It was the most painful experience of my life. Although I can look back now and know that she has a very loving mother and father, and I see pictures where she is so beautiful and happy that it makes me happy, at the time I was a bit self destructive. I wasn't super concerned with my appearance or losing the weight, just trying not to miss my daughter every day.
Now, nearly 12 yrs. later, and nearly 100lbs. lost, I am left with a daily reminder of the struggles I went through, loose saggy skin. Over the last 7 years I went from 257lbs. to 143 lbs ( where I was "skinny fat" i was super skinny, but 30% body fat), and the last two years have been concentrating on gaining muscle (and some weight back:) I have settled in to 163 lbs. and about 20.7% body fat.
I have a wonderful, supportive "husband", I feel odd calling him my boyfriend after almost 12yrs. I just have no desire to get married:) I went on my first "date" with him around 2 wks after giving birth, and he has been supportive fat, skinny and everything inbetween:) He just wants me to be happy with myself, God bless him:)
Anywho, now that you know my story, I'm scheduled for Oct. 17th and am terriefied!!! not of the actual surgery or the pain (I am a nurse, and have gone through 8 sugeries myself..) but of the unknown!!! The is absolutely NO WAY one can know what they will look like after and that is scary to me!!! I obsess, so I inform myself and look at pics constantly, but not too many people have my frame for me to compare myself with!! Its frustrating!!!
I swear at some point I will stop babbling:) I will post pics when I get some time, my best to all my "friends" out there recovering now!!! My life is an open book, so feel free to ask me anything and I will update my progress as time goes by!!! Have a great day!!!:)
Ha!!! What I'm getting done:)