Mid 30s and Going Through Tattoo Removal with a Side of Depression - Manila, PH

You'd think being in your 30s you'd be a lot wiser in making decisions especially when it comes to something as permanent as a tattoo but not in my case. I'm 35 years old and recently got a forearm tattoo a couple of months back. I did enjoy it for probably a month after I'd gotten it but just out of the blue, I felt regret and looked at the tattoo like a foreign object on my arm. I now hate even looking at myself in the mirror because I would see that tattoo which I now see as something dirty. How I wish I wish I could turn back time. From those moments of regret I went into depression and would also get extreme anxiety attacks. Like why did I do this to myself? I do see a psychiatrist and take meds to manage my emotions but I realized just a couple of weeks ago that the solution is laser tattoo removal. I mean this is the reason why this kind of technology exists right? So I started doing research on clinics within my area and was overjoyed when I found out that they had the Revlite which I researched about and is supposed to be one of the good lasers out right now. So I booked an appointment with a doctor, got an estimate on price and number of sessions, and had my first session last week.

Last week's session led me to to post on the forum section asking if my doctor undertreated my tattoo as I hardly felt anything, saw no frosting, and hardly see any changes like scabbing, blistering, pain or even fading and I paid a lot of money for that session. So I went to another reputable doctor who aslo has the revlite and she somewhat agreed that the previous doctor undertreated my tattoo because there still should be some scabs and what not a week after treatment and mine looks like it's never been treated before. I'm now scheduled to have a treatment with this new doctor next month and from my conversation with her, I know she knows this machine more than the previous doctor and she's even slightly cheaper. She also has the Revlite handpiece that will be able to target the blue areas of my tattoo. The other clinic doesn't have that so either way i'd have to go somewhere else to treat the blue.

The picture I attached is that of my tattoo 1 week after that super mild revlite treatment. I noticed a slight darkening of my tattoo (it even looks sepia right now) because of my treatment and some fading in the shading but that's it. Honestly, i'm feeling discouraged with this result but hopefully my second treatment will bring back my faith in this whole process. It's not a joke shelling out so much money and getting minimal results. I want a doctor who's after my best interest and not profit and who I know is knowledgable about this machine. Will make an update later on.

Things were a little better for me emotionally during the weekend having done some fun activities with my husband and kids which distracted me a little bit from this whole tattoo nightmare. I did however, experience another bout of anxiety because of this overseas trip I'm going to in a few months to visit relatives I haven't seen since last year. They don't know that I got a tattoo but I know they're going to see it somehow and I want to avoid them asking me why I got it or what it means or even get any attention over it at all. But I also don't want to show them that I'm trying to avoid their attention towards my tattoo or give any hints that I regret getting it because it's embarassing to me. You just got it and now you want it removed? Why? I might be forced to act like I love my tattoo or am proud of my decision to get one just to mask the pain of regret and avoid any further judgments. Just the thought of this potential experience gave me an anxiety attack today. It's affecting me so much that I lost my excitement over this trip and even don't want to go anymore. I think I'm going nuts.

My tattoo looks a little scaly because of the formation of dead skin and I see some parts shedding. As for fading, I don't see any significant changes to the tattoo which is disappointing to say the least. Hope to see some fading in the weeks to come. I'm also thinking of moving my 2nd treatment to August 15 instead July 18 which will make it about 8 weeks since my first treatment. Eventhough my 1st treatment was super mild, I still want it spaced that way just to make sure my skin is fully healed and to get the most out of the first treatment no matter how mild it was. We'll see.