I'm finally doing it: starting the wheels in...
I've always been super small, and around seventh grade I completely stopped growing. I'm about 5'7" and have stayed between 105-108 lbs and about 10% body fat over the past thirteen years. I'm also Asian, so my ribcage is super tiny and my overall frame is pretty small compared to non-Asian girls around my height. Currently I'm a 32AA but really only fit in soft cup bras because I still get air pockets in regular molded cup AA bras. Booooo.
I always had a complex about my flat chest growing up (didn't help that my mom constantly referred to them as "cheerios" and "mosquito bites"), and at 27 I still have days where I feel totally shitty about them. After I matured a little bit and started losing the baby fat in my face, I felt less like a child, and I would feel a little better on very rare days because I'm one of those annoying people who can compare her body type to models and not feel shitty and fat. Some days I really love how the line of my body looks, but mostly that's when I'm wearing certain things that were cut specifically for a long, lean (but more importantly, FLAT) body type.
My boyfriend loves me and worships my body but he's also a dude and certainly wouldn't mind having a little more to play around with. I'm planning on something comparable to a standard B cup (yeah, I know cup sizing isn't accurate for BA) because of how narrow my frame is, and the fact that I still want to have the look of being slim and modelesque sometimes. Anything larger would just feel vulgar on my body - not that there's anything wrong with glorious large breasts, because trust me, I totally toyed around with the idea of totally going for it and getting the whole stripper package, but that's totally not me and I'm totally okay with just wearing a pushup bra for the days I want to feel like a pornstar.
I'm taking control of my destiny and making the decision to take away my excuses for not feeling freaking amazing about myself 365 days a year. I'm tired of looking like a child and feeling asexual, and I deserve to treat myself to something I've wanted for so very long.
I have a consultation next week and am super excited to officially start this journey, after battling with myself for years over the decision. I'm so ready to ditch my training bras!
Well, I showed him pictures a couple days ago and he is 100% in agreement about the size, even though I thought he wanted bigger. He even said that anything bigger would just look silly on me, although there's nothing wrong with big ones - exactly what I was thinking. Thank goodness I picked a good one :)
My current stats are:
31 bust, 32 AA
Only four days till consultation!
I will be getting 300cc silicone unders, exactly what I thought I wanted. I can't wait!!!
More details from my consultation
My PS Dr. Khosravi was so gentle and compassionate during the consultation, and he completely put me at ease. Instead of focusing on numbers from the very beginning, he gave me a few implants to try on and told me to focus on the look of it as though it were on someone else, not on me - he didn't want me to look at the person in the mirror as myself necessarily, because he wanted me to see what I actually LIKE without being based by what I though would or would not look good with. I still ended up with what I thought I would want (300 cc silicone unders), but I was able to see the difference between profiles and what they look like on my body. My breast width is close to 11, so I will need to go with high profile so they don't stick out too far from my sides.
My biggest concern now isn't really a concern, since it's taken care of, but I can't help feeling guilty that I'm spending so much money on myself when I could be saving it up some more, using it toward student loans, etc. but I know if I don't do it now I'll just keep wondering, and keep wishing my body was something it's not. My boyfriend has been really supportive of the whole process, not just because he'll have some new toys (although that's a part of it too :) and I don't blame him) but because he knows how much better I will feel waking up every day.
Yesterday when we left the consultation, I could not stop talking about my new boobs. They are seriously the only thing holding me back every day from thinking I'm freaking awesome and I know they won't change me as a person but it will be so nice to look in the mirror and see something that matches how I want to feel on the inside.
For the skinny girls: I was so surprised, but implants actually make me look stronger and less frail. My boyfriend (who is huge on fitness and body building, and jokes about my bird frame) even said afterwards that my arms and core looked so much more athletic, despite it being my chest and not my muscles that got bigger. I certainly felt stronger looking at myself, and I didn't look as delicate either which I love.
I got blood drawn yesterday, and I'm feeling good! (The nurse asked me if I was okay with needles, then saw that I have some pretty extensive tattoos and redacted the question, ha.) I've been vegetarian for a little over four years, so the only thing that might be off is my iron levels, but even that should be fine. I used to be super anemic and would wake up with bruises on my legs but I've gotten better with my diet so I think I'll be fine. Fellow vegheads: apparently we "ooze" a little more during surgery, haha. Nothing to cause alarm, but funny that we're a little extra leaky since we don't have any meat blocking us up :)
After going through the research process myself, I would say the absolute best thing obviously is to try on in your doctor's office, and the next best thing and really the only thing you should do is to look for pictures of women with a similar body type - as opposed to looking for women with a certain cc amount. It can drive you crazy to see how 300cc might look huge on one woman, insignificant on another, super wide on yet another, etc. I don't even like that there is a cc search feature on this site because the number isn't as important as the aesthetics.
So: now, as always, just TRUST YOURSELF. Trust what your eyes like naturally, and stick with it
Today I ordered some front close bras, since I'll only be getting one from my surgeon the day-of and I get grossed out thinking about not being able to wash it and having post-surgery ooze sitting on my skin and getting sacked up into the fabric. They're the Fruit of the Loom style that a lot of women seem to buy for BA, and luckily there was a style that's a little more scooped than the super high-cut style I've seen before.
I also had to get a retainer for my navel piercing because I know I will have neither the ambition nor the fine motor skills to put my piercing back in after surgery.
I was feeling good till I realized I would be starting my period the day before surgery, HOORAY. I use a menstrual cup but I have to go stock up on pads now since I won't be able to maneuver around enough to use my cup. I am going to look SO ATTRACTIVE with my granny bra and diaper butt :)
I think a lot of us get so freaked out with thoughts of "what will people think?" "what if they look fake?" without realizing there are so many women out there who have had BA and we would never know. I live in LA so I expect there to be a lot living here - it is Hollywood, after all - but so many of them look so "normal" that no one would ever be able to tell. The people closest to us will know of course but soon the novelty and initial shock will wear off, and they won't even see them as being foreign or different anymore.
I'm probably the complete opposite of the average patient, though. Pretty much everyone at work knows I'll be getting it done: partly because of the nature of my work (I'm always running around like a madman starting all sorts of projects so it will be obvious something is up if I'm laying low for 6 weeks), partly because the change will be so obvious from "nothing" to "something" - but mainly because wanting to do something positive for yourself is nothing to be ashamed about.
Do what makes you happy!
Bra sizing for implants
I'm feeling pretty much prepared for it. I already ordered my spare front-close bras, and I have a wedge pillow, retainer for my navel piercing, senna tea and prunes (I want to stay away from chemical laxatives), and baby wipes for the days I won't be able to shower (boo). I also made my own cold packs with plastic baggies (double-bagged) filled with rubbing alcohol and water in a 1:3 ratio. The alcohol keeps the water from freezing, so the packs stay liquid and will be easier to hold against my breasts since they won't be frozen into hard shapes. Science!
I've also been massaging my breasts, concentrating on the lower half which will need to stretch the most, with Palmer's Skin Therapy Oil, which is a mix of cocoa butter and vitamin E, among other things. (Kind of funny that the first ingredient is canola oil; it makes me feel like a vegetable saute.) I have no idea if I'm prone to stretch marks since my weight hasn't really changed since puberty but I figured it wouldn't hurt to keep the area moisturized and supple.
The only thing left is cleaning, but I did a crazy spring clean last week and I usually clean twice a week so I guess that's not really a big deal either.
Can't believe it's almost here!!
Only 7 more nights!
I finally got the front-close bras I ordered, and the size discrepancy between the three is pretty ridiculous. You get what you pay for. At least I have one that fits very loose in the band now, that I can wear comfortably while I'm still swollen, because the other two feel like they'll be a little too tight in the beginning.
I'VE NEVER HAD A BRA BE TOO TIGHT BEFORE.
THIS IS REAL HAPPENING.
Bye, tiny bras
I'm really tight and sore right now, and I have an ace wrap for the next few days which is driving me absolutely bananas. I'm totally against taking narcotic painkillers because of my experience with someone very close to me in my past, and I was without any pain medication at all till today, when my boyfriend was able to get me some Tylenol. I'm still sore and tight with it, but the edge is definitely taken off and it's a lot more tolerable when I have to get up.
I'm SO ITCHY between my boobs right now, it's driving me crazy! I can't wait to see them but I have to wait till noon tomorrow to unwrap and shower.
Ew. Has anyone else been contacted by potential creepers?
I hate this
I'm still super uncomfortable and this stupid band is driving me insane, but I have the OK to shower today and I'm sure that will help me feel better. My ribs are still really sore, especially directly below my incision sites.
I just hate feeling helpless and having to restrict myself from doing pretty much everything.
I will post pics later today after I shower. Maybe that will get me more excited about the healing.
So amazing to finally shower!
They are super stiff and the muscles are very, very tight, but I have to keep reminding myself this is only the second full day after surgery so of course things are still going to be weird. It felt amazing to take off the strap for a while though and I ended up standing in the shower longer than I planned just so I could spend some more time away from the strap...
I started giggling when I saw the water running over my breasts because it only ever went straight down, but it still hurts to laugh! It was also so strange when I washed my face, because my inner arms touched the sides of my breasts and I've NEVER had a feeling like that before!
Looking down, I feel like they look enormous, but they don't look as big in my photos. I'm eager for them to start dropping (still super high, I feel like they're almost to my clavicle!) and squishing together more, just because I have anxiety that they will heal with that artifical spaced-apart look and I'll feel much more secure once I start seeing some more progress.
Feel like I'm ready to pop
I was able to sleep 4 hours in a row last night, up from 3 hours the night before and every other hour the night before that. I'm still taking it easy when it comes to lifting and to getting up and down - my lovely boyfriend insists on doing everything for me, and he even uses his hand to guide my back when I'm leaning back on the couch. What a sweetie! A girl could get used to this :)
How long did it take for the overwhelming tightness to go away? I know it's different for everyone but I'd feel better getting a ballpark estimate of when I'll feel less like a swollen grape.
Dear Skinny Girls:
My breasts look smaller in this photo than they look in real life right now, and certainly smaller than they feel (ouch, muscles still stretching!), but even this little bit of size means the difference between looking weak and looking fit. Before BA, I was stronger than I looked, but once I heal there will be a more complete, balanced package, and it will be more "your body is so tight" rather than "ohmygod you're so skinny."
First day back to work
The girls at work think I got a great size so far - even though they're swollen, I managed to minimize the look a little by strategic wardrobing. I found out tonight too that a former co-worker (also an Asian woman, who used to be tinytinytiny like me) also had her breasts done. Welcome to Hollywood!
I went to my first post-op yesterday, and my surgeon removed my steri-strips and checked for hematoma, etc. All is good so far, but I'm still to wear the strap (booooo) for as close to 24/7 as I can bear. I told him that I started work again and it's not possible to hide it under my work clothes, which he didn't like, but he told me to try to wear it as much as possible, and most importantly at night. The jury's divided on how useful the strap is, so I'll wear it at home and definitely at night, but I won't freak out for not wearing it to work. I still can't start massages, possibly it will be an option after my next post-op.
The overwhelming tightness has calmed down a LOT, and although I have a lot of tension that builds up through the day at work, it's pretty tolerable and I barely even notice it before. The first couple days was pretty debilitating and at the end of my shift I felt like I had just woken up, but now it only gets slightly uncomfortable for a few moments and it passes. I'm not 100% obviously, and it's still a struggle to reach high places and lift things in a certain way, but I'm taking it slow and listening to my body. Throughout the day I also gently spread my shoulders to open up my spine a little, since I can't do any yoga for a while to really stretch out (boo).
I tried on a GORGEOUS runway gown today with sheer panels that absolutely needs to be worn bra-less, which I would have been self-conscious about before (ribs don't have the same effect as side boob), and I had EPIC side boob and it felt amazing. My breasts are still sitting wide and high (what an odd sensation to hold the phone to my ear and feel something on the inside of my arm!) but I'm pleased with my progress so far.
Today I got some faux Coobie bras since I feel comfortable enough to pull things over my head now (slowly). It's just in time because LA is going through another heat wave this week and I am NOT spending one more day sweating tk death on my way to work in that stupid front-close bra!
I understand his reasoning, but I've read up on other patients' experiences and other doctors' advice and I'm finding that the 2 week window is more precautionary, in order to protect the doctors in case something happens (hematoma, etc.) in that 2 week time period. The most common advice I'm finding is to stay in tune with your body, and be careful not to push too much - and that applies to everything, not just sex :)
Can I just say - I have had a HUGE boost in sexual confidence already. My boyfriend and I have been together for a really long time and are practically married, so we're comfortable with each other when we're intimate - but there was always this little thing that held me back from feeling 100% like a sex goddess, and it had to do with how I felt about my breasts.
Obviously it's not a "quick fix" and it's not like getting boobs is making my life amazing and perfect, but it was the last step I needed to finally feel confident enough to act like the woman I know I am deep inside. So corny, I know. But for me at least, it's easier now to feel like a sex kitten, when before I would only feel that way on a lucky day, or if I had spent a long time building up that idea in my head.
So, so far - TOTALLY worth it for me. I'm so glad I did this for myself!
Almost 2 wk PO, feeling amazing!
I don't see changes day-to-day like when I was first healing, but there's a definite difference in how my breasts look and feel from week to week. They have already dropped enough to eliminate the worst of the "boob shelf" right underneath my clavicle, although I do still feel like they're sitting in my armpits, and I'm glad I can start massages to help ease them into each other.
Today my boyfriend and I went for a hike to celebrate having a beautiful day to spend together. The trail was a little tricky in some spots and one time I lost my balance and instinctively threw my arm back, which tweaked my muscle a little because I've been so careful with how I move. It was uncomfortable and tight for a few moments, but it loosened back up again and I'm just glad I didn't end up hurting myself. (My doctor had a patient develop a hematoma from slamming a door, and I thought of that immediately and had a mini heart-attack.)
I did some quick shopping yesterday before work, just picking up a few things in my pre-BA size to try on when I came home after work. Luckily everything still fits, and one dress I picked makes my cleavage look pretty bomb which I'm so excited about. I bought a few knit dresses and crop tops that I plan on wearing without bras - how liberating! I finally am happy enough with my shape to not have to rely on bras anymore! (I will have to pick up some nipple covers tomorrow, though, because - damn, those things just won't quit!
I also tried on a bra that I had pre-BA which used to just sit on my flat sternum and make me sad. It would just sit there, all saggy and sad and full of air. But now - it's so magical!
I'm pretty obsessed. I can't stop looking down.
So I've been wearing the wrong bra size
It doesn't really matter right now because I'm still wearing soft cup bras and my front-close cotton bras for lounging around the house, but I still want to feel prepared for a few weeks from now when I can start looking for real bras again :)
OK, still confused. Also, a history lesson:
Apparently the common practice of adding anywhere from 3-5 inches to the underbust measurement for band size is antiquated, since it started in the early 1900s when women migrated from corsets into NON-ELASTIC bras - hence, the original band measurement needed to be fluffed a little so that women wouldn't be suffocating in too-tight, non-stretch bras. The band should be supporting about 80% of the weight of the breasts, and since modern bras have stretch from elastics, there's no reason to add inches anymore since we are already relying on the elasticity of the band to conform to our bodies.
How much difficulty are you ladies having with finding your bra size post-BA? This is an entirely new world for me since I never had enough up top anyway to get fitted, and after high school I stopped caring about faking the look of boobs so I just started running around in flimsy little bralettes and such.
Almost 4 weeks PO
I got the okay to do lower body exercise, but I am DYING to do some deep stretching and yoga which I can't do for another couple weeks :(
Lefty continues to be the more cooperative breast, and it's softer and has a better shape already than Righty. I'm not worried because I'm right-handed and I expected my right side to settle more slowly anyway. The odd thing is that the uneven dropping really accentuates my slight scoliosis - my back twists slightly up to the left, which turns my left breast (which was also the larger one pre-BA) and makes it look a lot larger than the right, when combined with the difference in shape between both sides.
Oh, and don't mind those things on my boobs in my pictures. I'm still wearing my front-close bras when I'm lounging around, in hopes of gently coaxing them together a little more, so I get those gnarly lines from the gathers on the bra :)
The one thing I'm most impatient about is how slow my progress seems to be now. The difference between week 1 and week 2, and even between week 2 and week 3, was so marked, and it seems to have slowed to a crawl now that I'm past 3 weeks. Even with massages, my breasts still sit (yes, sit, no hanging yet) about two-fingers-width apart from each other when sitting or standing (although they do hang when I lie on my side, but still more than one-finger-width). They are much softer than before, but still more firm than I wanted and expected at this point. I'm sure it's because of how tight my muscles were, and how athletic I was pre-BA.
I started wearing silicone scar strips after my 3 week PO appointment, and the incisions are healing pretty well. They are still bumpy but I'm not worried.
I don't get nearly as many nerve zingers as I did in weeks past, compared to some other women, but maybe it's because I didn't lose much sensation right after surgery? Fewer connections to re-forge? My nipples are still weird sometimes and I can't wait for them to go back to normal. Unless they've been stimulated or I've been wearing a bra for a while, the areolas get super puffy and add to the "torpedo" effect of my unsettled boobs...
Someone asked me earlier today what kind of implants I have, since she has a similar frame and is thinking about gummy bear. I've never been too fond of the feel of gummy bear vs standard silicone, and of course I was worried about the possibility of the teardrops rotating (and I hated the price jump, too) - and although my surgeon recommended them for me because they would "look more natural" I can tell I will still be pleased with the look of my standard silicone implants because of how the left one is settling so far.
First yoga since BA, so upset :(
I haven't even started other exercise yet because I was doing HIIT before surgery and I want to wait to get clearance from my surgeon before starting back up again - and from seeing how weak I am with yoga, I can tell it's probably going to be rough getting back into HIIT as well since I'm used to doing so many workouts with weights, body weight, etc. I'm so discouraged because I just want to feel normal and I'm tired of feeling helpless and weak.
My implants are also feeling the same as the past couple weeks. They've moved together slightly, about 1.5 finger widths apart now, but still rather firm and still appearing to just "sit" on my chest.
Measured myself again today, I guess the swelling is gone because the measurements haven't changed (except for human error during my previous measurements). I straightened out my tape better this time and found my ribcage to be 25.5-26, so there goes any hope of finding bras with my proper band size. My cup is still hitting around the D-DD area (they look like C's on me though since my band is so small), sometimes DDD/E depending on the fitting chart. I haven't even bothered going to get fitted anywhere because I know no one in the US carried 26- or 28-band bras so I can't even try them on before purchase anyway.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still glad I went through with this, but I'm just floored by how much athletic progress I lost in 6 weeks after practicing for a few years. I feel like I'm back to square 1 and it doesn't feel good at all.
Sports bras for small frame?
I bought a couple low-impact bras for hiking and yoga in size S but my breasts won't be moving around too much during those activities so I'm not concerned. Once I get the all-clear from my surgeon, though, I'll be getting back into HIIT, which involves a LOT more bouncing around and I'll definitely need to strap myself down a little better.
So I'm a 28DD now
I bought a Cleo by Panache bra from HerRoom.com because I paid way too much money to be sitting around in the wrong size bra, and online is the only place I can find 28 band bras. For everyday I'll probably stick to my soft bras, but sometimes duty calls for a "real" bra and I wanted to be prepared since there's a lot more happening on my chest now than before, and I can't just use pasties and boob tape and call it a day anymore (not that I'm complaining!). This one is a basic t-shirt bra style and I'm glad it isn't too full-coverage, since most DD+ bras seem to be cut super full, which I'm not too crazy about.
The bra fits okay, although there's he tiniest bit of gapping at the top but once my breasts drop more I'm sure they'll fit in the cup much better and the weight will pull the top of the cup flush to my skin. I can get rid of the gapping now by tightening the straps a little though. I just can't believe my boobs fill this thing out - I took it out of the box, saw the size of the cups, and was like hell no, I'll never fill those things up... but I do!
It will take some getting used to though, since I so rarely wore real bras pre-BA and never got used to the feeling of underwires and whatnot.
5 months post!
I still have a while to go as far as looking more natural; I feel like in the beginning of my recovery I was changing so much so quickly, and now progress seems to have slowed down so much. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm still only 5 months out and I need to give myself another 7 before I see how things will settle.
I'm still getting used to the fact that my scoliosis will make my breasts look uneven no matter what. For some reason the asymmetry looks way crazier in photos than in person: this photo makes it seem like one implant is a completely different shape than the other, but obviously it isn't - the light is just playing funky tricks.
They feel much squishier than they did before, and after they've been massaged or played with they get even softer and more natural-feeling. I'm still fighting against my body's natural tightness and I still think my tissues will always be just barely too tight for my implants to ever feel real, but that's okay. Sometimes also when I'm stretching or reaching up with no shirt on my implants stick out A LOT as being implants - the half-basketball look - but I knew this going in, considering my low body fat, and the majority of the time they look fine so I'm not too worried about the few times they don't.
Overall: still SO happy I did this for myself. I'm cosplaying as Catwoman in a few weeks and I'm so excited to be able to fill out my bodysuit with no assistance :)
I could not have asked for a better surgeon! Dr. Khosravi is attentive and clearly very knowledgeable, yet gentle and personable. My procedure went perfectly and the healing process was about as painless (physically and emotionally) as possible. From the moment I met him in consultation to the time I spent with him in post-op check-ups, I completely trusted Dr. K and knew he would do the right thing for me. His office staffers Lizeth and Crystal are friendly as well, and they are always more than happy to answer any questions. I will highly recommend Dr. K to any and all of my friends seeking procedures, even the ones who want something other than breast augmentation, because I trust his expertise and artistic vision so much!