Firstly, thank you to all the lovely people who posted advice after I last added to my review. The surgeon got back to me and had no further wisdom than any of you- which just shows what a bunch of experts we all become thanks to this site and our wealth of communal experience. I've been giving the cleavage a lot more air, sometimes even sleeping at night without a bra, but propped up at the sides with pillows etc. I also used a bit of antibacterial cream - Savlon - which calmed down the sores a great deal and put my mind at rest. I'm still swollen, more so in my right breast, which I have a feeling is already a bit bigger anyhow (not so that you'd really notice, though) but not at all uncomfortable anymore, which is welcome respite. Still a bit tender, but not that bad at all.
Emotionally, I'm in a good place right now on the whole also. Today I went shopping and bought some really stunning outfits that I would never normally have fitted into with my old boobs. I also bought a couple of really nice but wireless bras, at a 34D, which I'm pleased with. Because they have no underwire I don't have to worry about this width of my pocket business; my boobs just fit nicely and they give them a really nice shape, without having to worry about digging into scars etc. That was a pack of 2 for £19 in Debenhams. Just generally, I cannot say how happy I am with their shape and how they sit naturally. They are things of beauty! I think my surgeon did an amazing job. I feel feminine and pretty these days. And the male attention...oh my. It's ridiculous. Things couldn't be more different. I'm being pursued by about half a dozen men, all of whom are good looking and successful and....not at all my types!! It's an adventure. I tell you what, though. Good looking guys, having had it easy all their lives, just don't have the little quirks I love in others. These are the quirks we all develop in the face of insecurity, introspection; they are the product and souvenirs of all our suffering and amazing coping mechanisms. I'm proud of all the quirks I've developed over the years and I find them endearing and welcome them in others. Sometimes I think...wow, if people don't have their little quirks, it must just be that life has been so straightforward for them, or maybe it hasn't, but they haven't had the self awareness to really grow and be enriched by the tough times.
I got set up by a friend - my hairdresser- with this amazing man who lives near me and is pretty successful. He's a millionaire, crazy, I've only ever seen those on TV! He's taken me on two dates and seems really keen. He is very attentive and good company. But he is so NORMAL. Argh. So, so normal that I find it almost impossible to relate to him. Also, his frankness, not necessarily a flaw, threw me. For example, when I told him about my operation his response- though well intentioned I'm sure - was "Oh, good, because I've just never found women with big breasts attractive!". WHAT???!!! What kind of an idiot says that to a woman who's had big breasts until 4 weeks ago? Another guy who's been paying me a lot of attention is an old friend from school who came back into my life at Christmas. When we met up last week he couldn't stop looking at my breasts and complimenting them- which obviously felt great. But then, as we walked past a couple of girls, one of whom had noticeably large breasts, he made this weird comment, "wow- she's got a big personality!" - and he said it within earshot of her. I actually let out a humph sound. I was almost going to let it go. But then I felt so frustrated, and defensive of her, knowing how recently that kind of comment was being made about me, and how totally unnecessary it is to do that, I made a point of taking it up with him. He was bewildered. He had no idea what he'd done wrong. Anyway, I don't mean to link this sort of behaviour to good looking guys. But in all the years I was "dating down" as my friends would say, I never heard any of them make comments/blunders like that. I suppose it made me realise, you can take the big breasts OFF the girl, but you can't take the big breasts OUT of the girl. That was my community. That was my identity. I don't wish to be that woman that then allows other big breasted women to become the butt of jokes that she doesn't have to worry about herself anymore. I want to be a better person than that. It frustrates me terribly that we still live in a society where women's breasts can be groped, commented on, jeered at, gawped at, as if they are the property of the general populace whilst the poor woman who has to hoist them up and drag them about and cope with the back pain is considered petty, vain and superficial for despising or wanting to reduce them. Sorry, I know I'm ranting. But I have been fondled and gawped at, insulted, praised, ridiculed and defined because of my large breasts - or dismissed purely for having them, as this nice millionaire would have done to me 4 weeks ago - and it has changed me. It's left me with certain quirks. And, low and behold, it transpires that one of those quirks is to make me a bit of a feminist. And now I don't think I can fall in love with the sorts of guys who think I'm being a drama queen about it.
I mean...what it boils down to is that the pain of carrying very large breasts around, as well we know, is not just a physical pain. Just because I don't have the grooves in my shoulders anymore, or the aches in my back, or the red raw marks on my skin, or the constant discomfort, doesn't mean I can just forget who I was. So, I've realised...and it's a bit of an epiphany really...that my big breasts DO still define me. They define me historically and in retrospect, when I think of what they and I went through together. In many ways, though not all of course, I'm the person I am because of them and all the insecurities and tough times they gave me and got me into over the years.
And when I think of if it that way, maybe I couldn't have had this operation a single day sooner or it could have changed so much of who I've become. Its legacy will impact on and inform who I become now in this new era.
See...I bloody knew this operation wasn't going to be straightforward.