32 Yrs, 7 Month Old 400cc Submuscular Silicone Implants - Get Them Out Now!!!! My Journey begins Here..

Well what can I say....We live and learn is my motto. We live and learn to love ourselves. I would first like to thank RealSelf and all the lovely brave ladies who posted their stories - if it weren't for you I would probably still be on my downward spiral of negativity. But stumbling upon this site really helped me almost immediately and I began to feel there is a way out for me. Which brings me here where I shall begin my very own story, hopefully it will be a short one as I am in a mega hurry to get my implants out...everyday with them feels like a lifetime.... I will share with you everything that you will expect as I go along my Explant/ Implant Removal journey :)
SO how it all began....well just last year (2013) late Autumn I just came off the pill and I was enjoying a fantastic life of detoxing and living Holistically (funny I go and get toxic implants in me!?) But anyway I am a naturally slim girl so I am a B cup but over the years putting on weight and losing it left me with as I would say I felt like my [RS bleep] drooped. But they were just fine!!! oh dear, so coming off the pill which makes your boobs fuller anyway turned them into little sacks. But they were fantastic! So in this day and age you can buy almost anything! and despite my beautiful boyfriends pleas, my sisters ...the world was invisible to me and all I could see were these amazing new boobs I was going to have. The price didn't even phase me... I keep thinking back about how many moments I had the chance to turn it around.... but living in regret ladies just turns you into a miserable sad case... so just turn your misfortunes around and learn from them -
Yes I feel so resentful about the idea I allowed myself to be sliced into, my muscles and flesh to be squashed and ripped to one side to allow these foreign, evil, toxic, bubbles of plastic material into my body...sitting so close to my heart, my lungs, my soul. It just makes me want to breakdown and cry now as I write this but I am on the road to release and a more profound insight of life and how important it is to love yourself and cherish every last bit no matter how unsatisfied you are with it. If you love it and cherish it , it is beautiful, it is yours, it is your chance at life! Don't destroy something so precious - This experience has really opened my eyes and I will never ever ever do anything to change myself. This is where plastic surgery started and STOPPED for me. I will be growing old gracefully, I embrace every piece of my body. I worship my temple.
So off I went and got them done, it was the 18th December, I called it a christmas present to myself... Worst gift I ever got! I could think of a thousand perfect gifts I could have bought myself that would have been wonderful fantastic beautiful like a holiday for my boyfriend and I, a new car, countless fantastic adventures or gifts for the people I love.
So post op was through christmas break and I just remember feeling okay.... thats done! Now what... I was not the girl who went out and bought new fancy braas, or boobs dresses (as I call them) or particularly embraced this new lifestyle... that is exactly what it is.. you but yourself into this personality and no matter how much you try and be the 'girl next door' (which I am) People just see these bazookas sitting on your chest and thats it..... Different script! And for someone like me, I come from a very down to earth, easy going, get dirty in a field, go camping and outdoors, wear a T-shirt sort of girl ...this was the biggest biggest mistake of my life! I feel like someone stole the old girl I knew (ME) and replaced her with this new girl.... and I dont even Know her!!!
So thats just the personality/ phsychological part (gosh I wish someone told me all this) When you get your [RS bleep] done for me anyway, its like your going shopping and decide, oh maybe I should try someone totally not me today and venture out.... but we all know it was just an outfit for a particular party or event. We all go back to our happy selves the next day.... but hey Im kinda stuck with these forever (i thought) and I really cannot keep up with this bullsh**t!
So moving on then there is the sleeping part, I can never sleep on my tummy every again! I loooove sleeping on my tum! I love hugging my boyfriend and feeling him close to me and not two rocks! I like to run and be active, I like my clothes to fit and not always have these uber sexual overt beasties always shaping my clothes.... I am actually a confident girl I just realised and intelligent.. I dont need my body to speak for me!!!
I despise how they feel and constantly aware of them every minute, Its a heavy weight on my very slim frame - and lets just face it! You will never ever know what its like to have boobs until you have them. I just wish I could have realised what an impact they have on living - and by golly these ladies who have them and keep them, I admire... different kettle of fish I swear!
I despise it when my boyfriend touches my boobs now... because I remember how electric they felt when he did and I had no implants...losing at least 50% sensitivity in my breasts has been a huge blow... I had very sensitive nipples and loved the feeling during love making... I have read in certain posts that sensitivity returns once the implants are removed, because the implants compress or squeeze the nerves restricted blood flow, so that makes sense. Oh you bad boys have overstayed your welcome!!! get out now!
Then there is the health concern and the leakage which I believe is safe if you have the Allergan cohesive gel as it is safest but -really guys... its still slowly in tiny tiny amounts leaking... hence why they need replacing eventually! why do I need some toxic nastiness oozing in me when I am quite a health freak, very big on organic foods, allergen free eating...why oh why would you put your system through this for not very much back. Having your boobs done its terribly over-rated... and I have learn'd the hard way!
I look forward to sleeping better again and which ever way I please!! look forward to feeling free of this tight feeling around my chest 24/7....looking forward to enjoying a real beautiful cuddle/hug again, look forward to exercising my whole body again, looking forward to being natural and recognised for my natural beauty and intelligence.(sometimes stupid though huh?!)
I am happy I will be getting them out.......I see my PS tomorrow morning, its going to be a shock for him as the last time we saw each other I was 'quite' happy... I will probably be bursting into tears :(
But this is all expected , I am feeling a whole lot better then I have ... and I know it will only get better.
I feel unhappy about spending more money for something I am paying for emotionally already!, I feel unhappy about the scars & I am hoping they look okay however I really don't mind. I understand I may feel a bit depressed once they are deflated and extra droopy again but I hope they will fluff up and it has only been 7 months and the skin tightens back up again. But I will keep reminding myself that I am free of the toxic ball bags that are making my previously amazing calm life into a melodramatic episode of Eastenders or for the US girls into a Jerry Springer show!
I will post again about what my surgeon says tomorrow morning... I am excited to be getting things moving and I will post pics of my boobs now and when explant surgery is done too......I will let you know of every high and low.... but we can beat this! I feel great that I have learnt sooooo much in such little time about Self Love. And by golly I am hopelessly In Love with Myself ... and forgiving myself for Hurting myself.....

I walked into his office today & as I guessed....I burst into tears....arrrg...I had to gather myself because I really wanted to get my points through and explain how I feel about the whole augmentation. I did manage in the end and basically explained how I regret getting them done, how I feel so aware of them, I feel fake, they're uncomfortable, I cant sleep well, cant exercise, clothes are no longer comfy but fitted and overly sexual 24/7, dislike the feeling with my boyfriend when being intimate, hugs feel so horrid now...& I have started side hugging???

Well being the professional, he understood but did say that I would have saggy skin & that I will not have the original breasts I had - He went as far as to show me a pic of my natural breasts hoping I would come to my senses...but I looked at them soooo longingly , Like an old love of mine and I cant get the image of how perfect they were out of my head! Stupid ! stupid me!

He eventually realised I am serious and not having some crisis and that I genuinely need to get these implants out. He however encouraged me to think about getting the tiniest implant replaced just so I don't have the emptiness he is talking about. But then I realise what he is saying but he has only done one explant in his entire career of 7000 augmentations... This was probably a pride thing and he is a top surgeon...but look they are just not for me! I need them out... sooner the better...
But I have been given 2 weeks to rethink and 'be sure'......

I am also wondering whether I should just go on the NHS? why should I pay stacks to have them removed which is quite a simple procedure...besides my surgeon hasn't had much experience at all, I mean one explant is not enough - And I would trust him to do it, but if it is so simple why pay so much when I could get the job done on the NHS , I just have to waiiiiiit forever!!! - anyway....its worth not being hit in every direction....emotionally and financially...
So I have made an appointment with my GP so I can get a referral & hopefully that goes well and speedily......I see him tomorrow....

Will update again Ladies! stay strong and there is a way out!! I really am loving this new wave of Identity coming over me....I know myself more then ever before! I am what matters.... x

See I have read many posts on RealSelf, many success stories and I knew what to expect when I went to see him - and like previous Ladies on here... The surgeons say we will NOT like the result, Our boobs will be saggy and we should really consider putting smaller implants in. But then many of you faced these very scary statements and survived through it with great looking breasts after time...or for the lucky ones almost immediately.

Anyway I am willing to face whatever aftermath.... because I really really do not want these plastic toxic gel balls getting in the way of living life maximally. I just needed to find out for myself - unfortunately it had to be this way and I have to go through another surgery and the whole fear of it. But all I have is my hope and the encouragement of you ladies who have all been through this.

Hey girls...how you all doing...
Oh my head is just riddled with thoughts...... What will they look like? How will it go? When will it happen!?
Just say in the waiting room at my doctors...one thing is for sure! I want these out! I want to feel soft and feminine , not like a blow up doll!
I woke this morning thinking about what my surgeon said...that they would look different to my virgin breasts, they would sag and there would be emptiness at the top. I'm only young and not had any children, have I just gone and pressed fast forward on my girls!!
He says I must get a tiny implant that I wouldn't even feel and my own breast tissue would sit very well around it. Basically I must get a foundation.... Very interesting & makes sense... I mean my current implants are massive! And for my frame they really stick out....defying all gravity!
But them I will still have the toxic junk in me and sadly I must not be talked into the crazy spiral ever again... Once is enough....
My breSsts will be my own and qualified explant surgeons have ensured skin retracts back and that it really is a bit exaggerated as the implant only acts as a pillow beneath the breast tissue or muscle... Once taken away it will move back, not immediately but it will because skin is amazing, it is alive and it takes whatever shape allowed.
Anyway.... I have decided to get a referral letter from my doctor as I really can't face huge bills to explant...please help me NHS! About to see the doctor, hope all goes well and I can be further down my path to explant freedom!!