Since I was about 15 (so for 11 years now) I had...
Since I was about 15 (so for 11 years now) I had always been so self consious of the appearance of my vagina.
I considered surgery but was too scared and I tried everything I could in my power to learn to love how I looked.
I never had a boyfriend comment negatively but on the occasions I had sex or was naked in front of another I would freeze up and just feel so embarest.
I was only comfortable with the lights off.
I used to stand naked in front of the mirror and tell myself that I shouldn't focus on this one part of my body, this imperfection. That I should look at myself as a whole person and learn to accept this part of me I did not like the look of.
This led to me loosing weight, eating healthily, wearing expensive clothes, always having my hair done and make up done.
I thought if I made every part of me look as perfect as possible then maybe this one imperfection won't bother me anymore
But it did still bother me.
Because I knew under my layers of clothes that it was there.
And it made me feel un-feminine.
No amount of dresses or make up made me feel girly.
Most importantly I didn't feel like a woman.
It shocked me how I could not curb this thought.
There are other parts of my body I'm not a great fan of but I've always managed to except them.
So after 11 years I booked the surgery and went in on Thursday 27th Feb.
I was put to sleep during the operation and was back an awake in my room after 1 hour.
The pain was not as bad as I thought it would be.
I am so pleased I have had it done as I feel like a woman already.
I feel proud of how I look down stairs and can't wait for all the swelling/ bruising to go down so I can see the final result.
I've done a photo for you to show you how it looks post op and I'll do another in a months time to show you how it looks then.
I am a little concerned with the bruising and the swelling of the clitoral hood. So if anyone could re-assure or advise me on that I would be really grateful.
Still really swollen and lumpy around clitoral hood.
Started bleeding again last night.
Nurse said all is healing well.
Looking worse not better
So a little update....
It is day 9 today and since I posted the photo (3 days after my op) there have been so many changes I thought it would be helpful for others to say what I've been through.
So as you can see in the photo nothing looked too bad post op, it was just a bit sore and a little swollen and bruised.
But the following day (day 4) swelling began to get really bad.
It was mainly around the clitoral hood but it was rock hard and there were several little bumps of flesh covering that area.
My labia were still not visable.
I started to worry as it was looking worse not better.
A post op appointment with my nurse confirmed everything was ok and no infection so that put my mind at rest that the swelling wasn't a result of anything bad.
I hadn't iced the area yet so on day 6 I spent all day with a strategically placed bag of frozen peas icing the area on and off for about 30 minutes each time.
By day 7 it still looked the same but I noticed the skin around the top of the clitoral hood was slightly softer.
I repeated this on day 7 and by day 8 I noticed almost all the skin around the clitoral hood was softer (not rock hard like before).
It still looked awful but I was glad it was starting to feel a little bit softer.
On day 8 I drove for an hour and sat down to watch a show.
When I returned home that night I bled a lot so I must of irritated it somehow.
It Feels a bit annoying that it's still bleeding after over a week now and I'm not sure why.
So day 9 today.....
Still can't see my Labia, clitoral hood is still very swollen with a few hard bumps.
(Although starting to feel softer)
Has anyone else had the same experience?
13 Mar 2014
3 months post
Hi so today is 2 weeks since the operation.
I read a lot of recovery posts from other people and they didn't seem the same as my experience.
Instead of getting less swolen I was looking worse everyday.
I wanted to post photos to help other people but it looked so bad I was too ashamed.
The swelling around my clitoral hood was so bad and it didn't look like I had any labia at all.
I've iced a lot more and I've finally stopped bleeding 2 days ago.
It's very slowly becoming less swollen and very slowly starting to take shape.
Still a bit sore at times but I can walk without any pain.
It's just sitting down can be a bit uncomfortable.
I want to reassure anyone who is in their first 2 weeks that it's ok if it looks awful.
It's one step forward two steps back as anything can irritate it and start the swelling off.
Just keep icing and stay off your feet.
Not too sure this is getting better
20 Mar 2014
3 months post
So today is week three....
I expected to see some really positive results by now by I'm actually a bit worried I've been left disfigured.
I don't appear to have any labia left just lumps and sores.
I went to have cosmetic surgery and specifically asked for clitoral hood reduction.
I said in my consultation that if I have clitoral hood reduction then my labia might then appear bigger so I want them reduced aswell.
I said I wanted as much as possible off my clitoral hood without causing any problems.
The surgeon said he wouldn't remove everything as that can cause problems.
I agreed didn't want everything removed.
It looks like I haven't had any of my clitoral hood reduced and I have no labia.
I also have a weird lump of skin just under my clitoral hood.
Can anyone tell me if they looked like this and it got better? Or if I have been disfigured?
I'm really worried.
1 month post surgery
28 Mar 2014
3 months post
So I've wanted to keep an update on my progress as I'm hoping it's helpful for some people and also for people who have had the procedure to help me too.
I've seen my surgeon at the beginning of the week who told me I am still really swolen which is perfectly normal.
He explained a lot about my surgery and how my labia minora haven't appeared yet because the swelling is where my body is trying to protect an intimate part of me.
Up until yesterday I wasn't convinced but today I can see a difference.
It's literally what a difference one day can make in this recovery.
I noticed some stitches round the clitoral hood got really long and now they appear to have vanished!
I've uploaded some photos for an update... Starting to feel a bit weird about taking these photos but I'm doing it to help others as I wish I had seen something like this as the whole recovery so far has been such a worry.
So here we are week 4 and 1 day
5 weeks and 2 days post surgery
So things are certainly hurting less, almost completely pain free and where I had opened wounds there is only one bit that is still not completely closed.
The final appearance is not really any nearer to what I would like.
My surgeon told me I had a very big clitoros but I'm not sure if that's just an excuse for not removing as much from my clitoral hood as I would have liked.
If there is any professional advice as to whether the flesh around my clitoral hood will reduce further? or if It is possible to still have more removed without causing problems? I would be really grateful for any advice.
Although my photos the clitoral hood looks really swolen, (as it has been) it's still smaller than what it was before I had the procedure.
I wish I had taken a before and after now.
It used to be so big it held my outer lips apart really wide. And there was so much flesh around the top of my inner lips where they met the clitoral hood that they held my outer lips open aswell.
So it's apprent to me that a lot has been removed as my outer lips can now close.
I'm just still a bit disappointed with the appearance especially that my clitoral hood still seems quite big.
But I must remember I still have months to go until I get the final result.
I've bravely attached more photos to show this weeks progress and to hopefully help anyone following my recovery.
If there is any professional or experienced advice about my appearance at this point of recovery id be really grateful.
Hope you are all doing well
6 weeks and 5 days
15 Apr 2014
4 months post
Here is an update of my progress.
Still no sign of my labia minora.
Still quite a lot of flesh around the clitoros but much less noticeable when I am in a standing position.
Still a bit too sore for intercourse.
I've been told it will be 4 months until my final result so I'm hoping my labia will look more natural by then.
What do people think of my progress in comparison to theirs at this stage?
8 weeks post op
23 Apr 2014
4 months post
So things are going ok.
I think most of the swelling has gone down just still waiting for my inner labia to take shape.... Or appear.
I still haven't managed to have intercourse as there is still a part that hasn't healed properly which I think is down to a burst stitch during the first few weeks of healing.
All in all a much better week of recovery and I'm not so horrified when I look down there.
Photo update aswell :)
3 months- not too sure
28 May 2014
5 months post
So it's been 3 months and at one point I started to look a lot better.
But my main concern was my clitoral hood which has almost gone back to it's original size.
I am still waiting for my labia to show. There are some signs of growth near the clitoral hood but it still looks 'top heavy'.
What do people think?
I am worried about asking for a revision to reduce my clitoral hood further to match the severe reduction of the labia.
Would I need to pay for that?
The surgeon told my my clitoris was very large which is why there's still excess skin but I am not so sure as it's burried in there somewhere and doesn't look big to me at all.
What would you do?
Update almost 4 months
17 Jun 2014
6 months post
I went to see my surgeon this week for a check up and I thought what they told me might be useful to share.
I mentioned that some days I have been looking really close to what I wanted and others days my clitoral hood would be so swollen that it would look like not enough skin had been removed.
The surgeon examined me and explained why this is happening.
They firstly said there is a very thin layer of flesh above the clitoris and it is so sensitive that even after months of surgery it can still swell a lot.
This is caused by fluid entering this thin layer and pushing any access skin up and that is what is giving me the look of a protruding clitoral hood.
This happens on a small scale whenever you have intercourse or irritate the area anyway so this is probably present even with someone who hasn't had any surgery.
But it is much more pronounced because of the surgery still.
He said after 6-8 months this should stop happening.
It really put my mind at rest as to why it kept looking so big one day and fine the next.
He also drew me a diagram showing me where the nerves are surrounding the clitoris and explained he would not want to removed anymore flesh because it could damage a nerve.
I'm so relieved and I'm starting to be really comfortable physically and mentally with how I look down there.
I will keep updating photos and If anyone has any questions id be happy to help the best I can
4 months photo update
29 Jun 2014
6 months post
I really believed that I wasn't improving as even up to 3.5 months it wasn't looking right down there.
My doctor first said 4 months until it's totally healed but now it will be 6-8 months for the final result.
Recently the swelling is getting less and less even in that extra 2 weeks so much has changed.
I am so pleased with the results compared to what I was before
It's been 10 months and I'm finally happy with my look.
Throughout my recovery I had good days and bad days.
I think now I can see that It just took me a little longer than most for everything to settle down in its new position.
I'm so happy with my look.
It really was worthing at 7-8 months when I still wasn't sure.
Then at about 9-10 months it's looked great and stayed the same.
I do still have swelling of the clitoral hood after sexual Intercourse but I had that before the procedure anyway.
I understand now I can't look perfect down there 24/7 but I am so much more confident with my new look and im pleased I did it.