5 Years of Feeling Self Conscious and Fake - Liverpool, GB

5 years ago I made the stupidest decision of my...

5 years ago I made the stupidest decision of my life:to get breast implants

I was 34a and felt totally inadequate and when I was 30 and majorly depressed I went to Transform and got completely brainwashed. I was a 34a and I had 380cc implants put in.

Ive never liked them and I don't know why its took me 5 years to actually get them out

I suppose ive been scared of what I will look like. But after years of discomfort of these to firm rocks attached to me, making me feel like an idiot every day, I spoke to an NHS doctor (instead of a money-interested private plastic surgeon) and she said because of the pain I get all the time she will happily remove them

ive looked on the internet lately about the slow poisoning that silicone does to your body over time and seeing as though I am ridiculously passionate about health ,it doesn't make sense for me to have these toxic lumps in my precious body any longer and if I look horrible at least I wont be getting poisoned anymore. Plus I will feel my true self again, which I have missed.

Anyway, I am due to see the surgeon in 2 weeks and we will then make a date for the op.

I cant wait to get them out but I am really anxious about what mess will be left afterwards

I hope I can cope.

will post again after my appointment and I will also get my pics on here


please get intouch if you have any words of wisdom for me!

Pics so far....before and after implants

Pics so far....before and after implants (2008)

Cold Boobies

did /does anyone else with implants find their boobs are now freezing cold all the time? and have any of you noticed when the implants are removed that they turn back to normal or are they still cold?

Also i wondered if anyone noticed any facial discolouration or changes in skin tone after implants? x

cold boobies

i meant changes in skin tone while implants were in - not after they were removed x

Dreampt I had my implants removed!

Last night i dreamt I had my implants removed! It was brilliant. It felt so good not to have the tightness and pressure there anymore. I've never dreamt that before, it's coz it's on my mind, but I was happy in the dream that it was all over. I'm sure ill feel like that wen it happens in real life x x

Today's consultation

Well I had my follow up consultation with the lovely doctor/surgeon today. I was only in there 5 mins, ...she just asked me how everything was and how I was feeling about the implants - I said I felt the same as i did 6 weeks ago when I first saw her , and that is that I want them out.

She reiterated that they wont look very good afterwards and will have excess skin etc and may even have a 'double bubble' whatever that is? something to do with the new scar not healing right......well I said I am prepared for it all looking funny but health comes first so she said she will put me on the waiting list and should be done in a few months.

I'm going to wait till at September or October anyway as I have some caravan trips away and stuff so once all that's out the way I can give all my energy to this operation and recovery.

I feel ok about it all but I know I will get more nervous as I get nearer to the day. I even had a moment of second thoughts after the consultation. . . Its another big deal to cope with isn't it and am I really ready to have my body changed again so drastically?. A lot of mental preparation is needed!!!

Im not going to change my mind though....I want them out , im sick of feeling fake and I feel sorry for my body having to put up with 2 foreign objects in it.... To be honest Im more bothered about what my partner will think of them after its done as even though he is amazingly supportive I cant help but think he will think I look weird and maybe feel uncomfortable around me- he never saw me pre - implant so he's only ever known me with these big fake ones. I know for a fact he will be a bit gutted deep down as he always said he loves them now just as they are. He said he is 100% behind me on my decision and I know he means that, but still , if I was single I wouldn't feel that pressure that I do now about this other person. Oh well, I will just have to get on with it wont I.

I know I will look weird and I will be so sad that all this was done for nothing, but I will just have to remember that what's done is done and the best thing I can do for my body and my soul is getting em out!!! x

Thoughts...

I've been thinking about my situation in a more stronger and positive light lately

Before i found this website, (which gave me a new confidence and strength),
i would have been criticising myself saying i was so stupid (ok I still think that a little bit!!!) and what an idiot i was to ruin my body, i should have loved myself the way i was, and how could i be so stupid to get brainwashed into implants, and now i have to go through another operation which will mess my body up again and i will be left
with silly looking boobs etc etc etc (you get the idea!!) its all that was going round my head on a daily basis to the point of tears sometimes.

....well, now i’ve been thinking instead of being so wrapped up with the negative side of things, lets step back and consider the positives.

What an amazing journey my mind , my spirit and emotions have been on from pre implant to post implant to pre explant!! I should congratulate myself for getting through it all!!! not condemning myself!!!! Wow, I have been through so much that I think I actually deserve a medal (as all of u do) and not a scorning!!

I've grown a phenomenal amount throughout this whole situation... I think i'm now in a more positive state than ive ever been in before, I really feel love on a spiritual level and feel I ve become so wise in all different ways from whats gone on in the last 6 - 7 years.

My negative state in the beginning caused a vicious loathing of myself which in turn brought on an eating disorder which totally messed my head up and caused major depression within me and then I chose to have implants which caused more turmoil– this in turn made me search for help which brought me to all kinds of lovely things including meditation and a naturopathic/nutrition course – the course was a very holistic and taught me how to bring about balance within me.

I also met my partner in my time of turmoil who helped me no end.

I can just see the whole journey that i've been on and I see that its something to be proud of! and be proud of who I am becoming and proud of how I treat my body now and how I try to help others all the time.

I have a lot to be angry at but whats the point? I have so much to be positive about and when I think of it all like this - the physical look of my body after explant doesn't seem so major or worrying anymore. Theres a massive amount more to me now than my boobs.

this is all thanks to all of you who have shared their thoughts and stories as I feel such a connection with you all and i see you all as amazing souls which makes me realise that I am one too.

and that to me is the only thing that matters :-) x x

Friend knocks me off track a little

Have spoken to one friend today and emailed another telling them im getting my implants out. The one I typed to (a girl) was so supportive, I was really happy to receive such an amazing response off her. Ive not really told many people I have them , only my friends before I got them know. I didn't tell anyone else. It was a relief to tell her and read her words of support.

However , my other friend I told today ( a man) was shocked I was getting them out and was saying 'aren't you gunna look bad though afterwards?' and was making jokes about it - which I did find funny, I think its important to make light of it all... but I have been thinking all night about what he was saying. What if im not ready for this move? What if I do look too freaky to myself and I end up regretting it. Arrrrgh....just when I thought my head was totally straight he goes and says all that... he said 'will the look like two socks blowing in the wind!!!' I now have these images...... im sure most of you may have had doubts prior to explant.... if you have I would really appreciate some words of advice!!

Ive got a date!

Hi everyone I haven't been on here for a while, ive just been getting on with things until I got the letter through from the hospital....it never came so I called them last week to find out when they think it will be happening as I have waited 4 months since seeing the doctor. She got back to me and its all arranged for January

wow. its really here now, just around the corner. I am now actually a bit nervous. The old feelings about what if I cant cope with how i will end up looking are all flooding back. I am losing weight at the moment to give me half a chance of at least feeling in proportion when I have them out but still can I cope with what the boobs themselves will look like. I just remember the doctor saying because of where my scar is I may end up with the double bubble and I think I will be gutted if that happens. At the same time I do not like these fake things ive got on my chest.

I made the mistake of telling a girl in work who ive known for 2 years but who doesn't knoew I have implants. When I told her I did and im getting them out she was saying You wont be able to cope, don't do it, they look great, you wont feel like a woman anymore, just get smaller ones etc - this completely threw me and has definitely knocked me off my otherwise positive track. I told her I don't fell like a woman now but a fake!!!

Luckily I spoke to my best mate after that and he told me to take no notice of her and I am doing this for the good of my soul and my health - this rings true to me.

I suppose I could ask you guys who have had their explants for two things.....one is can you give me any advice on how to prepare - mentally and physically - over these next 3 months on the run up to the op? ans second is just any words of wisdom about these negative thoughts im having?

thanks guys , I appreciate any suggestions / advice

what do I do!!!!!????

I have an appointment to see the surgeon in july (I didnt cancel my last one I just postponed a couple of times). Im so torn with what to do for the best. My right implant aches regularly and I want them out. On the other hand can I cope. Its such a ridiculously difficult decision to make

work friends

One other worry is that ive never told anyone in work that I hsce implants....its going to be clearly obvious to every one when ive had them out. I feel a bit embarrassed to tell anyone but I will have to coz I cant exactly do it on the quiet. I hate the thought of everyone gossiping about it
I wonder if anyone else has had tjis experience and how they went about it. I wish I didnt care what people thought but I do.
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