I have taken the money from my savings this...
In 2008 I was suddenly widowed to unforeseen medical issue - My husband and I were young, active & healthy yet in 2 weeks time his heart stopped with our kids watching the whole thing at the park and I had a stoke at his funeral a total tragedy.
3 years later I found that I had breast cancer, had double mastectomy and reconstruction as well as chemo and radiation...
Now-- I want the nose I want. I have been through all of this and I deserve to have this one thing that I've secretly dreamed about since I was 14.
I have been reading all of your stories for months, some of you agonizing your decision because of what others may say. DONT hesitate. life is short and you dont know what tomorrow will bring. If a lovely nose will help you feel better than have it! I wish I would have done this years ago... at least thrown the dice on it! I don't know how this will play out I hope and pray it will go wonderful I am steeling myself for a wretched recovery- that way it can only be better than my expectations. I am no stranger to pain so I hopefully that will help.
thank you for reading this and coming along on this journey with me.
some pictures of me now (before) :)
talking to myself today...
well, I've been thinking about that last post- about selfies and not only how I take pictures to make myself look a certain way but how I have over time convinced myself that my nose doesn't look that bad based on those pictures! I know it's crazy but I have done that to survive my own insecurities as well as the losses I've faced with my stroke and the cancer.
Here are two pictures taken this weekend. One by my friend - she caught me off guard and the other a selfie I took for instagram.
When I look at them I think of one of them as a bad picture of me and the other a normal picture of me. Yet I now this is probably not true... so I asked my 9 year old which one looks more like me ( kids are so honest) and he pointed at the "bad picture of me". OUCH. I knew it- I mean I am sitting here two weeks out from my rhinoplasty but yet I had been kind of thinking my nose is not that bad. I don't think I need to revisit this with myself again. My nose is far from the dainty chiseled nose of my fantasies...I'll stay away from instagram for the next two weeks!
two weeks from today!!
I'm staying focused on the prize. Although my nerves get the best of me. I had the best PS do my reconstruction and it was his staff - Doc Dillows nurses that recommended I see Dr Leahy because he does beautiful noses and lots of them! I really trust those ladies - I worked closely with them during a very difficult time so we became pretty close.
I already know this practice (Monarch Plastic Surgery) and they have nothing but top notch doctors and the staff is fantastic, after meeting with Dr Leahy he and I were able to communicate easily and he was able to see the same concerns that I have with my nose which was a tremendous validation to me.
Thats how I found my doctor.
my mothers daughter
My mom was not the most secure woman and in retrospect I guess that part of it was the Spanish nose she was blessed/cursed with. When the guilt of erasing the strongest physical trait of her from myself hits me I decide to go forward for both of us- and achieve the confidence that she was never able to enjoy...
Do you think its crazy of me to be mourning something that has made (at least) two generations of us unhappy?
Doc as my contractor
In reality, I don't know what else I would say to Dr Leahy - I've explained the dorsal hump removed, the bulbous tip refined and raised. He in fact saw all all of those things before I even read them off of my list. Somehow though I'm craving a blueprint, a daily meeting to discuss my 'project' like you have with a contractor who is doing a major remodel. Last minute jitters making me neurotic... :-/
last minute details and a solution for Glasses!
I have gathered all of my supplies- with the exception of the humidifier - I swear I thought they were 25 or 30 bucks and I saw them at cvs for 80 dollars what is going on??? I have set up the guest room upstairs for myself where the dogs are not able to get to and only the kitties venture to. This way I can avoid them jumping in bed with me and hurting my nose. I stocked the fridge with stuff for smoothies. Grandpa staying to help with the little man, PLUS I found a solution to my GLASSES! I was told that if I attach a sports tether to my glasses I can hold them off of my nose - the trick is to pull them tight on the back of my head holding off of my nose. It really works! thank goodness, because I was dreading being blind for a month.
Thats it for now- oh yes I have been taking the vit C and I have arnica and Prep H as instructed.
12 hours and counting
On the other side of surgery
I spent an okay night, sleeping as well as you can propped up at a 45 degree angle. But I have not lost breathing through my nose (yay!!) and my pain level is very manageable. I have a day after appt with Doc Leahy at noon today. I have quite a bit of swelling and my biggest question to him is about my cast. I have a cast that is hard plastic that he molds to my nose and is actually the kind that you can take a shower with. when I look at it, it appears a bit lopsided as if when he put it on he didn't make it evenly coming over the bridge. Thank god I see him today so that I don't obsess over it for a week!
Shawnee Mission Surgery Center was wonderful, I wish I could remember names but my nurse, the anesthesiologist and his nurse and my surgeon were all caring, compassionate and highly competent. The real proof is in the pudding though- can't wait to see how my nose turns out!!
Oops my cast fell off!
Even with all of the swelling and the discoloration under my eyes- II teared up! I am so happy.
Stitches out today
He said the tip is rather swollen but to start using the Prep H. Daily for the next month to help pull some of the inflammation out. (This goes under alternative treatments/suggestions) more pics tomorrow!
ssshhhhh I'm not telling!
Yesterday I walk in and she was standing 15 ft from the front door and she said "hi can I help you find something" She obviously didn't recognize me. I said "Oh Teri- you know I could probable stock the shelves in here myself!" And she was so shocked- "Oh Laura - I didn't recognize you - I must be really tired!" We chatted while I found the items I came there to get and all the while she is looking at me so strangely.
When I was all rung up and leaving she told me "you look so cute today!" I said "oh thank you Teri" and left there feeling joy, amusement and a tinge of guilt for not telling her what it was she couldn't put her finger on.
I'm back! :)
picture from 1/5- 60 post
Yet... Wow it sure is easy to nit pick the results! I used to be rather naive about that kind of "complaining" after the surgeries. I'd look at the pictures and think "I WOULD BE THRILLED!" But I see how quickly I've been to see new imperfections in my new nose. In spite of the fact that I am happy with my results!
I just thought I would throw that out there- because it's surprised the heck out of me!
Dr Leahy listened to me, took his time with his consult and ultimately showed that when I woke up and had the nose I had desired and discussed with him. Monarch Plastic Surgery has an excellent staff- the whole experience with them was very positive.!