I Wish I Could Go Back in Time and Punch Myself in the Face - Jacksonville, FL

In 2009 I finally made the decision to get...

In 2009 I finally made the decision to get implants. I was always the flat-chested girl, even in a family of large-breasted females and maybe some males, who knows, but basically everyone but ME had boobs. Flash forward to 2000 and I'm working out like a fiend and was almost concave I was so flat. I saw a surgeon at that point but couldn't afford it. Flash forward to 2009 and I had a great job and a 401K account. Woohoo, BOOBS! I scheduled an appointment to see the doctor based on recommendations from a few girls I knew, and within a month I had (I think) 525 cc Mentor silicone implanted over the muscle. (Before I go any further I want to note that my PS was and is still awesome and where I'm at has nothing to do with him. He's an artist and even now my boobs look perfect.)

The first year I had implants was great. The novelty of giant boobs was astounding. Finally, ME, the girl who used to have a sternum with nipples now had the nicest set of boobs and all my friends loved them and wanted to see them and poke at them. I was so enamored of having something to show off that I didn't care, "poke away girls!" Then I moved into the second year of having them. The novelty had worn off and I was really starting to notice just how much I could not wear that I used to take for granted. Tank tops and baggy skater pants. Sports bras (hell bras period). Anything remotely low cut. Suddenly I was struggling to find clothing because the newness had worn off and I wanted to wear what I loved. Oh well, the price you pay for boobs (I told myself sternly). Suck it up.

Year 3 - I'm really starting to hate these things. I have to focus not to slump, anything remotely fitted looks whorish, and during the drop and fluff phase I went up at least 2 cup sizes and was doing time as a FF cup instead of the DD I thought I'd end up as. (ARGH!) One lovely side benefit of the drop and fluff is that my body, which is short-waisted, isn't BUILT to have boobs dropping so low. At year 3 I'm starting to look fat as hell (and have also gained weight anyway because for some reason I'm always too tired to work out).

Now I'm into year 4 and shopping is a chore instead of fun. Nothing I want to wear fits because if it fits everywhere else, my tits keep me from wearing it. Everything I see is now cut for girls with small chests (you know, the natural look). I'm looking at boob removal on the down low because my boyfriend, who I love more than anything, loves giant fake boobs and he always talks about how perfect mine are, the most perfect he's ever seen. At this point we've also been together 4 years...me, him, and the ever-growing obnoxious set of Twins that can't take a hint and stop taking up so much f**king space on my body. About a month ago, maybe less, I finally got the nerve to really start talking to him about the boobs and how much I absolutely, positively, no holds barred, HATE THESE F**KING THINGS. He is upset and confused. But you love them, he thinks. Except see, this is my fault because I didn't tell him 3 years ago how much they were bugging me. Now I hate them. Now they are ruining my life. But ok. I love him more than I love myself, more than I hate these damn plastic lumps. So I decide to keep them. He's relieved. I'm miserable.

However, I can't stop looking at implant removal. Then I see something about girls who had implants getting horrible migraines. Wha....what a minute! My inner smart girl who has been suffocated by brain-dead-bimbo-pornstar-Barbie started screaming at me. And then it hit me. I NEVER used to have migraines on a monthly basis. I used to have them less than once a year. But...but...silicone is safe damnit! That's why I got these gel silicone, because they were safe now. So then I do research. And more research. And am steadily growing horrified at what I'm finding. Migraines (check). Joint pain (check). Inflammation (check). Brain fog (check). Random insomnia (check). Extreme fatigue (check). In fact, I have most of the symptoms women who've had problems with their implants reported. Maybe it's the natural course of aging. Maybe I just stopped exercising because I was always too tired. Maybe...I should consider that my body is sick of having these things and do something about it. So I set up an appointment with a PS in Jacksonville that one of the other girls on here went to. My appointment is on June 2 for a consultation. Originally I wanted to go back to my original PS. However, he's over 2 hours away now, and it's impractical. Also...he did a beautiful job and I don't want to ask him to destroy his work. Feels wrong.

Now here's the kicker, this is why my long rant, why I wish I could go back in time to December of 2009 and punch myself in the face and show her these pictures. The ones that show that I was in fairly good shape. The ones that show that my small boobs were perfect. The ones that show that I didn't slump and always had very good posture. I want these things out as soon as I can. My boyfriend has come over the hurdle and is trying to be supportive. He ultimately loves me for me and the fake boobs are just a bonus. I'll post again when I have my consult with Dr. C and maybe even post some pics of what my boobs look like now so I can start my own chronicle of why you should never, ever, fucking ever mess with something that isn't an issue. Thank you ladies, for all your stories on here and for giving me the courage to start my own that will, hopefully, give someone after me the bravery to start her own story too.

Went to see Dr. "CK" on June 2!

This is a totally delayed posting but amid seeing Dr. CK I have also been moving into a new house (hurray thank you sweetheart!) and planning a rushed trip to New York (again thank you honey!).
Dr. CK was no-BS, did not try to push new implants or a lift on me, and his scheduler Lori is fantastic. I wanted to get my surgery this summer but with the trip to NY it is going to be more into the Fall. Dr. CK and Lori mentioned I could just do the surgery with local anesthesia (less money and I wouldn't have to go under) but I think I'd be way too much of a baby to be awake for that, even though my implants are above the muscle. I'd rather just wake up asking if I'm flat-chested again. :)
I'm super excited and cannot wait to schedule my surgery and have it done. Thanks to all the wonderful girls on here for the well-wishes so far, and I hope everyone who is going through or has gone through the surgery is keeping a happy and positive outlook. No matter what, we are PRETTY ladies. :D Muwah!

Surgery scheduled for December 18 with Dr. Csikai

So I've taken the leap and paid my deposit and have my pre-op on December 2 and my surgery on December 18. I've taken a week off work, to coincide with the Christmas holiday so I get even more days off. I'm scared about surgery again and my supportive boyfriend has moments where he is a colossal fucktard, whether he realizes it or not. I'm so sick of being scared of this and having to babysit his feelings. Today I asked him if he'd still love me after explant and he said "I hope so. I won't be happy but I'm sure I will." And then it hit me. No matter how much he loves me, no matter how much he claims he is being supportive, comments like that are not supportive and are not helpful. No matter what he says, he is still internalizing this and making it all about him and I'm so fucking sick of it I'm ready to pack a bag and leave home for a week. He does all this amazing stuff for me, and yet this he's a dick about because somehow I'm being an ass by taking away his funbags. He hasn't come out and said that, but it's the feeling. Would any of you joke with your significant other about surgery? I wouldn't. I would never tell him "oh if you don't get a dick implant I won't love you" "Oh if you don't stop hunting I won't love you" "Oh if you don't get rid of that doc I fucking hate I won't love you" etc. I needed a place to vent about this and I can't tell my family and friends and if I confront him he'll just say he was kidding. Did any of you ladies go through this? I'm at the end of my patience because while I wait to get surgery I'M the one who has to deal with how I will look, how I will feel, whether I will feel ugly, whether my health will improve, whether I will feel depressed or relieved, etc. I shouldn't have to keep babysitting his stupid obsession with fakies. I'm so close to telling him to just buying a hooker when he wants to touch fakies and to stop making me feel bad. Ugh.
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Yay! Congrats on your decision. You're going to be thrilled!
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I had my initial BA under twilight sedation. Totally fine. I do remember parts of it....but you are so relaxed and half out that it doesn't even bother you. Stay strong. You are doing the right thing for yourself. ....and you can add me to the time travel face punching list. Also do me a favor and add a drop kick in there too.
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"My inner smart girl who has been suffocated by brain-dead-bimbo-pornstar-Barbie started screaming at me." FUNNIEST line I have read on here!!!! Your style of writing is hysterical! Thank you for sharing your story! I want to make a couple of comments - don't rule out the twilight sedation, I had it and I was completely out and do not remember any part of it - now other gals on here were awake and heard everything - so ask your doctor about it. Don't rule it out because if it could work for you it's 1) cheaper and 2) far easier to recover from than general anesthesia. Your pre BA look is beautiful and you look young so you will probably heal very quickly and your skin will retract beautifully. Be a stalker on this site and check out all the profiles of gals and find the ones who resemble you the most so that you have a realistic expectation of the process. And if the bf loves the fun bags so much and feels he will miss them - tell him he can go buy his own. (I requested mine intact and have them - not sure yet what I will ultimately do with them but a few of my friends have been intrigued about seeing them.) I look forward to following your journey!
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Men have made women into sexual objects and we are been dumb enough to fall into this game. Boobs are only part of that. I have DD's and have been really thinking about removing them. They interfere with exercise, I have to look for supportive bras that are far from sexy, they hurt now when I ovulate, have to make sure they are in place, and wear minimizing bras. It was not what I expected and was a stupid decision, I wish I could turn back time. When comments like that are made they come from a selfish, chauvinist, and immature stance. You will have to weather the storm and see what happens after your removal (liberation). It will also test what are the things that matter to your boyfriend...if it's boobs well...there is your answer. As for me, I'm afraid of how my boobs will look after removal, that is the only thing that is keeping me from making a decision...well that and money. I don't want a lift. After this experience I'm not in favor of cosmetic surgery. We need to be grateful for been healthy and develop our confidence. As long as you are happy that will shine through and around you!
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My husband went through a butthole faze. He tried to compare it to him getting a dick reduction. Which made me laugh because his dick doesn't hurt him, doesn't make him sick and my boobs are not a vital part of sex. They might be fun and sexual but you can still have sex without them. He then went to compare big boobs to a nice big truck and little boobs to a s10. Sigh. I said you could have compared them to a fucking sports car. He got more supportive the more he read and saw pictures and by the time of my surgery he was ver supportive (not that I'll ever let him live down s10 boobies. Every time he says he loves them now I say oh these little s10 things? Lol). He says that since I got my implants out and my lift when he sees big boobs he thinks about how much they hurt. I'm sure there are guys that are truly ugly about the decision to explant but my husbands came from a place of fearing something different. It wasn't going to sway me at all but I'm glad he came around. Hope your guy does too.
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I can sooooo relate to what you've written. What little my husband says about the explant is about him. Maybe it's a guy thing?
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I wish that I could go back and punch you (and me) in the face, too...because you had such amazing breasts before implants! No doubt, your girls will be stars after explantation, too. Good luck!
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Good luck and I love your story! I can't wait to get mine out either!
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Oh my gosh I love your story!! First of all I think like you. My fault I chose it blah blah. AND So funny yr 1, 2, 3... I feel the same HATE these things. BF loves me for me I know, but how did you get him to come around?? Mine is still iffy and I NEED him to be on board! Keep us posted!!
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You have written an awesome story of your life with implants so far (and your title is hilarious). I'm sorry you so regret getting your implants, but that is why we are here! To support you through this. I'm glad your boyfriend is coming around. Best of luck at your consultation in a couple weeks!
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Mt capsular contraction happened almost immediately. So I never got to enjoy their look. Ten years later, I want these hard bowling balls off my chest. I will be calling on Tuesday for a consult to remove them..
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Good luck with your consult! I'm about 4 weeks out from my explant and I feel great. I think you'll be pleased to feel like YOU again!
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Thanks Gidgetz I can't wait! Your results look amazing, I hope mine start bouncing back that fast. :D
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Thank you! I know it shouldn't but your title made me laugh! If you ever do get back to 2009 could you swing past 2013 and give me a quick slap too?! It's amazing what we do to ourselves isn't it? Best wishes for your journey. I hope the consult goes well. x
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Thanks Return Journey, my title was very cheeky yet very serious. It's ridiculous what we do to ourselves to feel better and meet some illusory "ideal."
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Forgot to add, you look amazing before and after, and I am so happy for you! How is your recovery going after explant?
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Brilliantly said I'm applauding you! Got mine out 5 weeks ago and love love love the soft natural look I have now...slightly concave at the top and a little droopy but WHO CARES? No back pain and my clothes fit without all the cleavage. Happy happy happy and you will be too.
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Thanks Overthese! How is your healing coming along? I'm looking forward to being small and fitted clothing again, and the back and shoulder pain...woo can't wait to stop waking up feeling like I've been kicking in the spine all night!
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You had beautiful breasts before and your health is what's really important now, right? You've been carrying an extra 2 1/2 pounds around on your chest, pulling on your neck and shoulders. I hope you can decide what's best for you.
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Hi Explanting Texan, I just read your story...Wow. You are a courageous lady and I hope you are continuing to heal and get better. I've also made the decision to absolutely have these things removed, I just have to schedule the time off work after my consult.
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I'm 7 weeks post op and already want my old boobs back. I'm already starting to feel sick... Kinda like someone have me pitocin. I'm having hot flashes and nausea. I'm only 32 years old! I was very athletic in Muay Thai, Jiu Jitsu and lifting weights. I developed capsular contracture. I have no one to blame but myself.
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MMAmommy I understand the blaming yourself part. But, if you decide to keep them we support you and if you decide to explant you are supported too. I wonder if the capsular contracture is what is making you sick? Have you set an appointment with your PS? It seems this is an issue he/she should fix, and if you want to remove them they may do it for no charge since you just recently had it done. Good luck sweetie!
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It's almost like every time I read a review I say to myself, "Yeah, that's me too!" I too came from a family of large chested women. Even have a few older photos of matriarchs I've never met whose chest always seem to hang around the naval area. Can't say I was too envious of that... However, I was always self conscious of my chest. And it was small. Now when I look at the photos of my old body, I really love my boobs and wish I had them back. I'm sorta at the same place you are with my journey. I still haven't had it done. My last consult is in a couple of weeks and I hope to do it some time after that. It's a big (no pun intended) scary decision. Good luck with your journey and I look forward to following it.
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Hi The Natural Me! Yep I get it...every-single-woman in my family was big-boobed and it always made me wonder why I didn't develop. I've realized recently that we (the flat chested girls) really were the lucky ones. Not much sagging, no inappropriate attention, no trouble buying bras, no issues with gym class, etc. I'm looking forward to my consult and seeing how long it will take to schedule it and do all the labwork, etc. Good luck with your final consult and journey and I'm looking forward to continuing to read about your journey!! (PS omg yes I'm so looking forward to wearing fitted clothes and normal bras again!!!!!!)
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Hi and thanks for sharing your story....good luck with your consult and look forward to your updates xxxxx
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