I wish this bird will fly away...

Hi People, I decided to share my story with you,...

Hi People,

I decided to share my story with you, so here we go.
I had a cover up tattoo two weeks ago, before of that i was really sure that i want it, but somehow after getting it, it looked huge on my body and too dark. In addition, the tattoo artist recommended me to change the design a bit, but i am not sure that this is the reason why i don't like it since the major problem for me is the size and coloring.
The last two weeks were very hard, had anxiety attacks, could not sleep well and was moving back and forward to whether i should get it removed and pretty dark to.
whenever i was looking at it, it felt like it does not belong on my body. its the placement, and dark tone that make it look bad and stupid to me.
I had anxiety 'attacks' on work and people asked me what am i going through. it was very visible that something bad is happening to me.
I think that is yesterday that i have decided that i want to get it removed no matter what the price and length of the journey will be.
I had set an appointment for two laser removal for consultation, send a pic of my tattoo via mail and their prediction was pretty much encouraging.
I have set a low expectations since i saw it is not a magic, but it does work given the time and patience, at least enough to make it bright for a cover that i would like more, if could not fully removed.
I was in a really bad state, thinking about the mistake and the cost of it.
Thanks to this community and blogs i have gained strength to move and forgive myself for the mistakes i made.
I will take this as a challenge and a lesson well learned, on how to love and appreciate your body.
So the consolation is planned in two weeks.
I'm excited to hear what they have to say.
I will keep you all posted...

Update of my state

I've had some though days with my bird as well... anxiety attacks, wake up shaking at night, sometimes even had thoughts about death for a second and then realized how stupid it is that i suffer so much because of stupid ink in my body.
But that is the lesson that we learned, we haven't appreciated the gift of a healthy body and skin that we had. for me i just come to realization i already ruined my body and there is no way it will be "clean" no matter what way i will go. if i keep the bird i will have to add elements to it, since its so big and i feel really stupid to go around just with one big tattoo of a bird on my back, while most of people that have only one tattoo have it small and usually people with several tattoos in one area go large on the same area so the big one blends in with the small ones so it doesn't look weird.
It's just that i am not stable right now and this is really not a good time to decide on any other new tattoo... so if i decide just living with it i will have to wait and see if my emotional and self esteem will get better in the next months. if so only then i will be able to go this path.
there are days i feel i really can go this path and end up with a good and cool overall result, but in the same breath i feel this piece already carries so much bad energy that i don't know if i can ever fully accept it and feel comfortable going shirtless or with a tank top ever again feeling fully proud of my body and body art.
So the other choice for me is go for the removal process, but i am really realistic about it and know it may take up to two years of pain and money expenses, not able to expose my body , go to beach or even go to vacations with friends and so (and i'm not even talking to hook up with people since i don't have any serious Girl friend right now, it might be too embarrassing having sex with discussing blisters and tattoo all screwed up).
Right now i was having sex with the tattoo with some partners and i tried to forget it and pretend i like it, it didn't seem like my partners were discussed by its size or shape which was kind of cheerful for me.
Still haven't had the courage to go to the beach since i got it and that is so sad because i like the beach so much and was proud of my body. i used to work out by now its been hard to making myself continue... what is the point if i can't be proud of my body ever again?
so this is hard... i still going back and forth if i should just for the removal, and even when end up with a ghost tattoo go for a cover up that i will like...
All those thoughts are taking a lot of energy from me... this is somehow funny how bad ink can take control of your life... and its not easy to fight back, especially when its me that caused this mess from the first place...
So bottom line is that i'm still haven't decided what to do... and just wanted to get it out of my chest.
Any replies and advice will be welcomed.

OK people, I finally have the courage to share my huge dark shoulder sparrow

I was moving back and fourth so much about it, wondering what to do with this cover. Almost from the first day I wasnt in peace with him.
As you can see - dark, huge and doesn't really hide the old tribal lizard (funny but now all I wish it will go back to the before state).
So I cannot positive about my chances but depression hit so bad that I just have to do something before I loose myself completely.

a rough morning

So today wasn't a happy morning at all.. Woke up with anxiety and stomach ACH...
I realized yesterday that my country only have q-switched lasers (medlite and revlite) and not the picosure treatment.
I'm so afraid my tattoo will not react to those since I read In Some reviews that those lasers are not so efficient comparing to picosure.
I realised i not going to expect full removal for my large dark peice, so i just want mine to be light enough for a cover. I realized I want no animals this time, just simple traditional maori shoulder piece. I checked for artists even abroad and saw wonderfully things done with cover ups. Since the designs are made of black and white ink there is a good chance to make this work for nicely faded tattoo. Its just that I'm so afraid mine will not even gets fade enough for that with the q-switch. Trying to remain positive and living my life but the thoughts and anxiety dont seem to move from my head.

I finally got the guts to tell it to my parents... maybe some good news

So Its the Jewish new year today and I'm visiting at my patents house, had a night at their house and woke up so down that my parents just couldn't miss it. They started questioning me what happened and I ended up telling them everything. The anxiety attacks, the ink regret, the research I have done with the treatments.
The response of my mom was surprisingly positive, they didn't gave me hard time for that at all and said that mistakes happen, and there are far worst mistakes then getting a ink on your body In a hidden place as terrible as it may get.
I TD them about picosure abroad and my mom even suggested to travel with me to get it if this is the best treatment.
So now I'm full with hope that maybe its not the end, and one day I might be in peace with my skin.
So now I'm just wondering if the picosure is far better then q-switch to be worth the travel to Europe to get it.
Does anyone here have been treated with both and may helpe with the decition?

Just recieved an outstanding response e-mail from PicoSure removal in london

So after my mom has suggested to help me with the travel option, i sent and e-mail to wayne from reset room removal in London. I saw they the PicoSure laser and also read some good recommendation in this community.
I have sent him a picture of my piece with all the relevant questions. for now I'm realistic and not looking for complete fade. the reason is because i generally love tattoos, i don't want to leave with a ghost tattoo and i know such a large piece and dark will definitely leave marks on my shoulder.
I have shared my plans with Wayne from the removal place and the type of cover design i plan to get (and now with a true serious artist which i will travel for - lesson well learned).
The answer has made me absolutely excited (which is not always so good). as I thought a good fading can be done at least after 6-8 treatments, Wayne has told me that due to the placement of the tattoo (torso tattoos apparently produce the fastest fade) and the fact that is mostly grey, black and possibly some small amount of dark blue - it shouldn't take more then 1-2 (!) treatments to fade it enough for decent cover up.
Although i know its best to lower expectation, this has made me completely positive.
If he is right, it means that i would be able to go to the beach by the next summer, which is absolutely amazing just to think about...
But as i said, I'm lowering expectation for now and i think even a 4-5 treatments for a good fade for cover is a fair number to expect.
However, this has gave me a very good reason to travel to London at least once to have 1 treatment and see the results.
The Q-Switch lady in my area wasn't so optimistic with the evaluation of the treatment length.
So right now if all goes well it seems that i will travel to London to give a chance to my 1st PicoSure session just to see the results. If I would see a significant fading as promised i might continue for 2nd and 3rd. If i see a minor result, i can always continue with the Q-Switch in my area.
If anyone has any recommendations or advices, or information regarding Wayne and Rest room i would be very happy to hear them!

Total Panic - White Ink

I just realized that my tattoo may contain some white ink in it.
I'm not really sure of the amount but as i look at it i'm quite sure i have some white ink on the top of the bird's head, little bit in the eye and maybe in one of the wings.
While i do think that most of my tattoo is just greys and black, and maybe just small amount of dark blue - i'm extremely afraid the 'artist' had mixed it with white ink or maybe used white ink on the old tattoo. I might go to the store and ask him but I'm afraid he might guess I'm into removal and will not answer sincerely in order to try convince me otherwise.
I hope I'm just playing irrational but right now I'm in total panic that my tattoo fading will not be possible if he mixed some white ink in certain major areas, and they will just turn even more dark and permanent. I guess i will just have to do the patch test, or go to the store tomorrow and just be honest with the artist. but until then I'm very nervous indeed...

Scheduled for local Q-Switch Treatmet, still not sure if go with Pico

So I haven't been here for a few days but it seems things are moving on in a right direction.
I have got some very useful information from Wayne at the Reset Room and some members of this community regarding the pico treatment and aftercare.
However, i have no scheduled anything yet since i realized even if the pico can fade my tat for a cover in 2-3 sessions (i still can't really believe it), until healing time has passed, cover planed and prepared - it will take until the end of the next summer. that means that i will miss the next summer in terms of beach or vacations either way, so all i have to hope is that with Q-Switch i will not have me missing 2 summers waiting for a suitable fade (can't even realize how bad it sounds...). I have seen some good cover up ideas and it got me excited just to think about it. its hard even realize how its possible since this tat seems so horrible to me that any thought of a possibility of any other replacing it makes me excited.
So i got my consultation meeting at the clinic on this Monday so I'm crossing fingers all patch tests will go smooth and they will start blasting me right away.
I will send picture of course... and i'm mentally prepared for the bad side effects...
Was this review helpful? 2 others found this helpful

Comments (22)

Sort by

One more thing: you had an amazing reaction from your mother, and I'm sure she filled you with hope from all of her support. I learned that focusing on the positive, whenever it came my way, really helped with the process. Good luck. aloha...k
  • Reply
Thank you. I do try to keep my chin up. Its defenitly time to forgive myself and look forward to a soloution I stead of re-living the horrible mistakes of the past.
  • Reply
aloha dp123456789, First up sending good thoughts on this Jewish New Year. I think your strength is amazing, you may see it as strength but it is there. I know the horrible depression that follows getting ink that was once dreamed of. It sucks, but through this website support, and support from the professional, I began the removal process. I did not have picosure at all, it is modern technology but sometimes modern isn't the best route. I had plain old alextrivantage q-switch and I have had wonderful success. The removal process is long, so I learned that staying positive was the best way to get through it. Your bird is lovely, but it's what you think that matters. We are our own worst enemy. It sounds like you have amazing support, technological wizards are responding to you and once you start the process you will see results. It all takes time and patience. Test patches help, there are many here on the forum that have undergone test spots. I did not. I wanted to get going with the process. I think once you start, you will do amazingly. You have done your research, consultations, and all of that. If there is white in there, your experts will manage. I believe that everyone has different results. I've heard brown is hard to remove, and then I've heard yellow is hard to remove. It all depends on the expert wielding the laser. Good luck, you are going to do awesomely. We are all here supporting you. aloha...k
  • Reply
I had white ink in my tattoo, the entire lotus flower was outlined in white ink as the artist attempted to make it "pop" more....big fail. I believe it did turn darker, however it did fade as treatments went on. Patch tests are definately the way to go. 
  • Reply
I have been treated by q-switched lasers about 14/15 times and once by Picosure. I personally saw very little change with the Picosure and was disappointed. A q-switched laser with the 1064nm wavelength should target the black very well. Any fading should go quite quickly. I know it may seem so impossible that something so dense on your skin can't be removed, but my tattoo was JET black to begin and it's changed so much now. I'm hoping that just a few more treatments will make it unrecogniseable. Unfortunately this is a long process, but if you're willing to give it time, you won't even need a coverup. :-)
  • Reply
Hi Chad, Thanks for commenting. It is actually not the black that i am worrying about but the blue. I know the bird look mostly black and grey, but i do remember that the tattoo artist mixed it with a little of dark blue. i have read that tattoo artist do that in order to get grey on a light skin with a small tone of blue in certain lighting. It actually cannot be seen but in some strong light you can see some dark blue shining through the wings mostly. I have read that Q-Switch have troubles targeting the blues and greens, so it seems that i might be having trouble getting rid of mine...
  • Reply
The 755nm wavelength is very effective on blue. This is also the wavelength that Picosure uses, so you might benefit from it actually. There are also q-switched lasers with this wavelength too though if you'd like to spend less cash than you would with Picosure.
  • Reply
The Techonlogy that they have here is ND:YG 1064nm and 532nm (medialite C6 and Revlite SI). So It seems that this might be an issue (unless i miss something here..) They say its the 'latest technology' and the lady in the phone said the could acquire the PicoSure but they weren't impressed by its results compared to their machines so they decide to give up on it. This seems like bull*** to me since i see most the community members treated with Pico. However they seem to be the most professional clinic in my country, the other clinics just seem amateurs and don't even indicate the type of the machine in their sites. Makes me kind of nervous that this wouldn't go so smoothly here..
  • Reply
Thanks eva for cheering. I was indeed not that well in the last month, and the worse part is i had to miss my consultation because of work travel... so now i still don't know when i can schedule again... the stupid thing is, i was really up to traditional maori back tattoo and for some stupid reason changed my design a few weeks before schedule.. now my dream is just remove this thing and get a simple, elegant and masculine cover up like this one... ***3rd Party Link Removed*** i know i will to go through a tough times with removal, but maybe just maybe i can fade it enough for the cover for the next summer... if fading will go well enough... even if not this would be a painful lesson learned... but somehow... someday... it will be over... lately i just feel childish and immature for letting this down on me so much and doing this to myself. i'm almost 29 years old, i've done military service, i'm an engineer and i was so stable with my life untill that mistake. i guess that proves that mistakes can happen at any age or time... and there is no price for loving yourself at any age...
  • Reply
-:- Message from RealSelf staff -:-

This comment does not follow our Community Guidelines and/or Terms of Service. We reserve the right to remove any post for any reason.
  • Reply
Sounds like things are looking up, so great you have the support of your parents, kudo's to the for being so understanding! I had to remove the links because we don't allow 3rd party links on the site, however you can save the image and post it to show us if you wish. So glad you're feeling better! Way to go!
  • Reply
Thanks eva, that's ok. I've seen some great masculine traditional maori cover ups in tatauawards site (just can search in google), just the thought of having to flight to europe to visit one of those artists one day for a cover (if i still decide i want it) makes me feel like a dream come true. Funny that only a month and a half i could just do that and now all is changes (but hopefully not lost for good). I've researched and found some really amazing results with PicoSure fading for a cover up only in 3-4 treatments. i don't think mine huge dark one will fade so fade but i can still dream about having it faded enough for a cover in 8 treatments... I'm so excited by the possibility to travel for PicoSure (even though i don't know i will actually do that). I'm afraid starting with Q-Switch might just waste my time, and life is so short that i am ready to spend the extra bucks if a significant faster fading is really there. The question is - does the difference is so significant as they say? should research more. and off-course any advice from community members will be highly helpfull...
  • Reply
Hey there, give yourself some time. It's a beautifully executed tattoo, can't even tell it's a cover up. I understand completely when that moment the regret hits you and the darkness creeps in - it can swallow you up but don't allow it. Push back. You will see, there is light at the end of this tunnel. I have been there....it does get better, you have options and lots of time. I stress that it's really important for your health to pick yourself up from this....just let go, release the anger and sadness that builds up, cry if you have to, scream, punch a pillow...whatever you have to do. Your emotions are real and you can't suppress them, and you must acknowledge them, but you also must focus on moving past this. We are all here for you. Chin up :)
  • Reply
I know exactly how you feel, as I had surgery yesterday on two tattoos, it is an awful feeling and you have to be careful to not let it consume you! Remember it is only skin, and it does in NO WAY define you, and who you are. On a positive note, I think your tattoo is extremely beautiful, I absolutely think it looks gorgeous on your back! Alas if you do not like it them I agree you should do something about it because what you want on your body far outweighs what anyone else thinks you should have on it. Let us know how you get on! Hi from the UK!
  • Reply
Hi! Thank you for the response! its so easy to sink in the depression and anxiety when not sharing it to anyone. The only one who knows i am in a deep regret is my ex (which we are now just good Friends and she knows all about me). I can say that without this community i would have been in a much worst situation... So again thank you for just reading and responding..
  • Reply
No problem! We are all in the same boat, Here for you every step of the way! :) take care and keep us updated
  • Reply
What a wonderfully supportive comment, I second that...it's a very nice tattoo. 
  • Reply
thank you... I wish i could just except it and move on but for now its just seems impossible. something felt wrong with this piece almost from the moment i got it... after the consultation i will be able to examine my options. For now it seems that i just want it out... a painful lesson...
  • Reply
aloha inor5819, I understand the depression and guilt that follows with ink regret. It affects our whole outlook, our sleep, our eating habits, and our perspective of possibilities. You seem to understand that the whole removal process takes time, which it does, there is no quick fix. Modern medical technology is great, but it is not a magic wand. I wish it was, I'm sure many here also wish it to be that way. Consultations really helped me get perspective of what could be done. And the fading is always wonderful once it starts. It can be slow, but taking pictures helps to see the progress. What really helped me is understanding that this tattoo, the hated tattoo was just mistake and we all make mistakes. Mistakes can be corrected. I also found that focusing on the minute ahead of me, rather than trying to focus on the big picture helped. "Life by the yard is hard, life by the inch is a cinch". I share this little bit of wisdom with others. The final piece of advice that I can offer, that really helped me, is to be gentle with yourself. We are often our own worst enemy, we are often much more critical with ourselves than anyone else. I hope these words of advice help you, ink regret is not fun, it will get better, and you have options. I'm glad that you realize that making any type of decisions when you're going through the downside is not wise. Good luck, keep us posted, we're all here sharing. I know that many people simply read the forum, while others may post, there are many people out there battling ink regret and the mental anguish that can follow. You are not alone. Thank you for sharing your story. Best wishes and aloha...k
  • Reply
Thank you so much... Today was again one of those days since I yesterday missed my cosultation meeting due to work... I really need to go through that and make my decition. The way it looms now I'm just going to go the removal road since this tattoo is carrying so much negative energy... Even a scar or a ghost will be a lot better...
  • Reply
aloha inor5819, I'm glad that this site and others have given you some personal strength to move forward. Ink regret can be emotionally, mentally, and physically draining. Ink regret often opens the doors for self-doubt, anxiety, and other debilitating mental states to walk through, and sit themselves down. There are some wonderful people on this forum, there are some wonderful people out there. I'm glad that your co-workers care about you to ask what is wrong. Even if they themselves have not been through it and don't fully understand, I think it's wonderful that they care so much about you. I think it's also wonderful that you are being realistic, and I'm sure during your consultations you will get answers. Yes, laser removal is a process, but I have found that staying positive, being patient, and pushing through helps me get from one laser session to the next. Healing and aftercare are so important for the body, and the mind. It may not be something that you can see right now, ink regret consumes us. In the meantime, knowing that we are here for you, I hope provides some comfort. Knowing that many of us here have been through this process, many are still going through the process, I hope that provides support for you. Good luck, keep us posted whenever you can. Sending good thoughts your way as you begin this journey. aloha...k
  • Reply
Thank you for taking the time to share your story with us, you will find so much support here. Check this out 100 Days of Happiness ChallengeBarbiedoll90, one of our amazing community members put this challenge together to help inspire positive thoughts and happiness. Would you mind uploading a photo of your tattoo here on your review?
  • Reply