Hi People, I decided to share my story with you,...
I decided to share my story with you, so here we go.
I had a cover up tattoo two weeks ago, before of that i was really sure that i want it, but somehow after getting it, it looked huge on my body and too dark. In addition, the tattoo artist recommended me to change the design a bit, but i am not sure that this is the reason why i don't like it since the major problem for me is the size and coloring.
The last two weeks were very hard, had anxiety attacks, could not sleep well and was moving back and forward to whether i should get it removed and pretty dark to.
whenever i was looking at it, it felt like it does not belong on my body. its the placement, and dark tone that make it look bad and stupid to me.
I had anxiety 'attacks' on work and people asked me what am i going through. it was very visible that something bad is happening to me.
I think that is yesterday that i have decided that i want to get it removed no matter what the price and length of the journey will be.
I had set an appointment for two laser removal for consultation, send a pic of my tattoo via mail and their prediction was pretty much encouraging.
I have set a low expectations since i saw it is not a magic, but it does work given the time and patience, at least enough to make it bright for a cover that i would like more, if could not fully removed.
I was in a really bad state, thinking about the mistake and the cost of it.
Thanks to this community and blogs i have gained strength to move and forgive myself for the mistakes i made.
I will take this as a challenge and a lesson well learned, on how to love and appreciate your body.
So the consolation is planned in two weeks.
I'm excited to hear what they have to say.
I will keep you all posted...
Update of my state
But that is the lesson that we learned, we haven't appreciated the gift of a healthy body and skin that we had. for me i just come to realization i already ruined my body and there is no way it will be "clean" no matter what way i will go. if i keep the bird i will have to add elements to it, since its so big and i feel really stupid to go around just with one big tattoo of a bird on my back, while most of people that have only one tattoo have it small and usually people with several tattoos in one area go large on the same area so the big one blends in with the small ones so it doesn't look weird.
It's just that i am not stable right now and this is really not a good time to decide on any other new tattoo... so if i decide just living with it i will have to wait and see if my emotional and self esteem will get better in the next months. if so only then i will be able to go this path.
there are days i feel i really can go this path and end up with a good and cool overall result, but in the same breath i feel this piece already carries so much bad energy that i don't know if i can ever fully accept it and feel comfortable going shirtless or with a tank top ever again feeling fully proud of my body and body art.
So the other choice for me is go for the removal process, but i am really realistic about it and know it may take up to two years of pain and money expenses, not able to expose my body , go to beach or even go to vacations with friends and so (and i'm not even talking to hook up with people since i don't have any serious Girl friend right now, it might be too embarrassing having sex with discussing blisters and tattoo all screwed up).
Right now i was having sex with the tattoo with some partners and i tried to forget it and pretend i like it, it didn't seem like my partners were discussed by its size or shape which was kind of cheerful for me.
Still haven't had the courage to go to the beach since i got it and that is so sad because i like the beach so much and was proud of my body. i used to work out by now its been hard to making myself continue... what is the point if i can't be proud of my body ever again?
so this is hard... i still going back and forth if i should just for the removal, and even when end up with a ghost tattoo go for a cover up that i will like...
All those thoughts are taking a lot of energy from me... this is somehow funny how bad ink can take control of your life... and its not easy to fight back, especially when its me that caused this mess from the first place...
So bottom line is that i'm still haven't decided what to do... and just wanted to get it out of my chest.
Any replies and advice will be welcomed.
OK people, I finally have the courage to share my huge dark shoulder sparrow
As you can see - dark, huge and doesn't really hide the old tribal lizard (funny but now all I wish it will go back to the before state).
So I cannot positive about my chances but depression hit so bad that I just have to do something before I loose myself completely.
a rough morning
I realized yesterday that my country only have q-switched lasers (medlite and revlite) and not the picosure treatment.
I'm so afraid my tattoo will not react to those since I read In Some reviews that those lasers are not so efficient comparing to picosure.
I realised i not going to expect full removal for my large dark peice, so i just want mine to be light enough for a cover. I realized I want no animals this time, just simple traditional maori shoulder piece. I checked for artists even abroad and saw wonderfully things done with cover ups. Since the designs are made of black and white ink there is a good chance to make this work for nicely faded tattoo. Its just that I'm so afraid mine will not even gets fade enough for that with the q-switch. Trying to remain positive and living my life but the thoughts and anxiety dont seem to move from my head.
I finally got the guts to tell it to my parents... maybe some good news
The response of my mom was surprisingly positive, they didn't gave me hard time for that at all and said that mistakes happen, and there are far worst mistakes then getting a ink on your body In a hidden place as terrible as it may get.
I TD them about picosure abroad and my mom even suggested to travel with me to get it if this is the best treatment.
So now I'm full with hope that maybe its not the end, and one day I might be in peace with my skin.
So now I'm just wondering if the picosure is far better then q-switch to be worth the travel to Europe to get it.
Does anyone here have been treated with both and may helpe with the decition?
Just recieved an outstanding response e-mail from PicoSure removal in london
I have sent him a picture of my piece with all the relevant questions. for now I'm realistic and not looking for complete fade. the reason is because i generally love tattoos, i don't want to leave with a ghost tattoo and i know such a large piece and dark will definitely leave marks on my shoulder.
I have shared my plans with Wayne from the removal place and the type of cover design i plan to get (and now with a true serious artist which i will travel for - lesson well learned).
The answer has made me absolutely excited (which is not always so good). as I thought a good fading can be done at least after 6-8 treatments, Wayne has told me that due to the placement of the tattoo (torso tattoos apparently produce the fastest fade) and the fact that is mostly grey, black and possibly some small amount of dark blue - it shouldn't take more then 1-2 (!) treatments to fade it enough for decent cover up.
Although i know its best to lower expectation, this has made me completely positive.
If he is right, it means that i would be able to go to the beach by the next summer, which is absolutely amazing just to think about...
But as i said, I'm lowering expectation for now and i think even a 4-5 treatments for a good fade for cover is a fair number to expect.
However, this has gave me a very good reason to travel to London at least once to have 1 treatment and see the results.
The Q-Switch lady in my area wasn't so optimistic with the evaluation of the treatment length.
So right now if all goes well it seems that i will travel to London to give a chance to my 1st PicoSure session just to see the results. If I would see a significant fading as promised i might continue for 2nd and 3rd. If i see a minor result, i can always continue with the Q-Switch in my area.
If anyone has any recommendations or advices, or information regarding Wayne and Rest room i would be very happy to hear them!
Total Panic - White Ink
I'm not really sure of the amount but as i look at it i'm quite sure i have some white ink on the top of the bird's head, little bit in the eye and maybe in one of the wings.
While i do think that most of my tattoo is just greys and black, and maybe just small amount of dark blue - i'm extremely afraid the 'artist' had mixed it with white ink or maybe used white ink on the old tattoo. I might go to the store and ask him but I'm afraid he might guess I'm into removal and will not answer sincerely in order to try convince me otherwise.
I hope I'm just playing irrational but right now I'm in total panic that my tattoo fading will not be possible if he mixed some white ink in certain major areas, and they will just turn even more dark and permanent. I guess i will just have to do the patch test, or go to the store tomorrow and just be honest with the artist. but until then I'm very nervous indeed...
Scheduled for local Q-Switch Treatmet, still not sure if go with Pico
I have got some very useful information from Wayne at the Reset Room and some members of this community regarding the pico treatment and aftercare.
However, i have no scheduled anything yet since i realized even if the pico can fade my tat for a cover in 2-3 sessions (i still can't really believe it), until healing time has passed, cover planed and prepared - it will take until the end of the next summer. that means that i will miss the next summer in terms of beach or vacations either way, so all i have to hope is that with Q-Switch i will not have me missing 2 summers waiting for a suitable fade (can't even realize how bad it sounds...). I have seen some good cover up ideas and it got me excited just to think about it. its hard even realize how its possible since this tat seems so horrible to me that any thought of a possibility of any other replacing it makes me excited.
So i got my consultation meeting at the clinic on this Monday so I'm crossing fingers all patch tests will go smooth and they will start blasting me right away.
I will send picture of course... and i'm mentally prepared for the bad side effects...
Some news and some thoughts about ink regret
I have just few more days for my Q-Switch consult and i'm excited but also scared from what they will have to say after they will examine my tattoo.
Good thing i like tattoos and i'm just looking to cover this thing out and not expacting full removal.
Last week i came to realize that next summer is gone for me, and i'm still preety down about it but since i decided with myself i want this bad ink gone the anxiety has mostly stoped.
So this might be an important advice that i might share - if you have your ups and downs since getting inked and not sure what to do you might practice this method of thinking about the posibility of it gone or replaced by different art and i you would feel about it compared to your current one. I came up to a a point that whenever i looked on some ink art on other people, web, etc i had this thought of 'i wish that was on me instead of the current one'. It didn't happen with my first tattoo at all. definitly not after two months of getting it. So i came to realize that whenever i thought of this art gone some day i felt a relief.
I know its too early to even plan this, but i was looking for good ideas for a cover and came up with many intresting ideas and very good artists that are worth traveling for. It really helps to know you got possibilities out there and its really amazing how the world of body is progressed during the years. Before i was thinking about removal i thought that any tattoo is a perminanat thing for life and laser treatments doesn't work. Obvious to say how wrong i was and how technology and tatto artitst creativity and talent is so developed.
Today is a holiday in my country tradition that talks about forgiveness between human beings, and new year resoulotion. its a tradition to fast 24 hours, and ask forgivness of your freinds and family for bad things might have done for them. I'm not a religous person at all, i also don't think i will fast but there are a lot mental and phyisical advantages of that. I do however ask for forgivness of my freinds and family and this year mostly i will ask for forgivness of my own self for the mistakes that i have done.
So my message to you all ink regrets is to forgive yourselfs about the mistakes that you have done. Be strong and accept this is a jurney that will eventually make you stronger.
Q-Switch consult - Not good news...
I went into the consultation and the experts have examined my tattoo. What they had to say has really ruined my day.
So basically it has a lot of dense ink (this i could already guess) but the really bad news is that its located pretty deep in the skin. If that is not enough worst thing is that they think the artist has mixed the grey with some white ink to make it shiny. i said that i have asked the artist if he used white ink and he said not, but they might think he is lying because he won't reveal his professional secretes.
They explained there is a risk of the white getting oxidized by the laser and become grey (which i already knew). The grey can be removed but with more additional treatments.
I have explained that i'm not looking for a complete fade because i generally like tattoos, just not pleased with my work. One of the experts was actually kid of helpful and said he can help me with that and even recommend some artists because he worked as a tattoo artist.
I have explained that I'm going to vacation in London in the holidays (this thursday!) and i am willing to check the consult of Wayne at the Reset Room for the Picosure treatment.
Because of that the experts said i should'nt do the patch test since i might do the pico treatment later this week and they don't want to touch anything until i decide.
Anyway they said that i can do one pico and if i decide the results are not that great i can continue with the Q-Switch (off course because they want my money).
So now i'm in total anxiety because of the white ink and the fact that i didn't do any patch test and will not have the time to do the test in London. If i decide to go for it, i will just have to do the entire piece at once and see how it goes. I will not have a clue with what result i might end up...
Wayne has told me via mail that white ink is a problem but i shouldn't worry to much if I'm not going for a complete removal.
I am still very nervous about it, but as it seems now i will just go for it since i decided that at any case i don't want to live with this horrible cover up tattoo.
So i will just have to go for it and hope that i will not end up in a worst situation, although its seems that now i'm pretty much as low as i can get..
However i promise to post 'before and After' photos after my first treatment.
got zapped today at Wayne's picosure
Traveled to London for the picosure to see what the hype is all about.
I'm just after treatment so I don't have any pictures or results but regarding the treatment experience:
1. Wayne is super nice and super professional. It seems like he really lives and understands this process and what we ink regrets are going through. Defenitly a guy you would trust with this process.
2. The laser is painfull, but not ask thought. Yes, its worst then getting the tattoo but on the other hand its a lot shorter. My ugly dense piece took around 15 minutes, and its a big one.
3. The aftermath is hard in the first hour. I felt like I'm burning. Afterwards the pain is there but beatable . I'm still hanging around In London for 6 hours in museums and stuff and I'm feeling pretty good.
More updates soon enough...
Got back from the U.K, some thoughts and finally some results
I don't even know if anybody reads this, but anyway this is better then any therapy for me.
Sometimes just letting all out is the best way to deal with your problems.
The last period was a complete roller coaster of ups and downs, and i almost lost myself completely because of this stupid bad ink. I took a plane to london for the holidays and set a meeting at wayne's picosure tattoo removal place at the circle.
I know i already wrote it on my last post, but i will write it again: if you ever want to remove your tattoo - go for this guy! i've been in some other consultations and wayne was the only one the seems to really care about his customers and about their goals.
He will not bluff you just to get the money and he sets you up with a realistic expectations.
After the consultation we went down for zapping which took 15-20 minutes (big piece).
After the treatment i was out and about in london, the burning was bad at the beginning but faded gradually as the day went by.
When coming back to the hostel i was so anxious to take off the bandages after all i read here, i was expecting the worse horrors meaning huge blisters and also considered the possibility that because of the white ink the tattoo might get darker instead of fading.
I was really surprised to see that just a few hours after treatment around 60-70% of shading is gone! even more to that, i was expecting the dark dense tribal that was beneath the bird cover to appear, but it seems that this tattoo is almost completely wiped out as well!
The after picture was taken around 7 hours after 1st treatment. You can't really see in the picture but there are tiny blisters. Now its been 2 days, the redness is starting to fade and there are less blisters, only ones left are around the wings which are the most dense and dark.
After this result with pico i am definitely not moving to Q-Switch. yes, it means that i will have to fly to U.K every 3-4 months and spend 1 night there, but thanks to Easy Jet low cost flights and Airb&b i will be able to survive this financially.
As soon as the skin will heal i will update with some more pictures.
Tattoo removal - the emotional aspect
I am sorry in advance, because I'm actually don't have any new photos of my progress, but i promise to provide them as soon as my skin completely healed. good news are that my skin is healing well, pain is almost gone and redness is almost gone too. I am really trying to concentrate on different things in my life except my tattoo and its fading, but sometimes it can be hard, especially in the begining of the process where excitment is high and you are eager to see results. So generally regarding the results: i did notice some more fading especially in the gray shading part, and some minor in the dense black parts. it's been only a week from the 1st treatment and overall i am more then happy with the results so far, as i have set some truely low expectations not to make myself disapointed.
So what i want to share with you today is my thoughts about tattoos, about expectation of final results and mostly about the emotional roller coaster of this process. i guess many of you that are in process might be going through the same things or partially - know that you are not alone. I hope i can give some insights and most importantly to give some information to people that are considering this process.
I have never thought even in my wildest dreams that i will get myself into a situation where i get a tattoo and almost instantly fall in deep regret and wanting it gone. it seems like this would be a scenario from a dark comedy or from a nightmare. I also never thought that something so 'insignificant' such as a tattoo in a hidden place, can cause so much emotional trauma and anxiety, depply hurt self esteem, general happiness and so on.. Well guess what - this 'nightmare' has happened to me. Just right in the begining after getting it, waking up in mornings i was hoping all of this was just a nightmare. but it wasn't - my ugly, huge, dark tattoo was there on my back and it was not going anywhere - well at least in that point in time.
The way i see it there are two types of tattoo regret - the one that builds up years after you get a tattoo, due to natural changes in aestetic taste, self image, opinions, etc... and the one you get instantly (or almost instatly) after you get the tattoo.
The first one is the 'easy' case, since you already lived with the tattoo for many years its already a part of you, you are used to it so its just another part of your body that you dislike. i am not saying this regret is not bad, but i do think that this regret will not get you to the dark places of deep anxiety, depression caused by a major and instant change in self image and self esteem. Those will appear on the instant regret, since the regret comes right away it is much much deeper and you do feel like your body has turned upside down in a couple of hours - and i tell you, this feeling can be scary and can take you to some really dark places.
I actually have suffered from both types of ink regret, as the my first tattoo was a tribal and i actually liked it so much at the first years. My opinion changed pretty much due to the changes in style. over the years the tribals (at least the simple ones) started to be considered as trashy tattos. So i had a part of me which wanted this tattoo gone, but also part of me still liked it for old times sake, and definitly could lived with it as a part of my body that i dislike or not like that much. So in this part i could have undergo the removal but i was lazy, and because i generally like tattoos i just thought to myself that a cover up will work so this way i could 'catch two birds' in one shot - get a new tattoo (which was a huge bird LOL, WTF was i thinking?!) and get rid of the 'out of style' tribal. and oh boy, what a HUGE mistake it was... cut things short i ended up trusting an artist too much - i tought any tattoo would be better then a trival. well, i was WRONG and ended up with a huge mess. a dark huge piece with so much ink that can barely considered as 'art' for my standarts, placement was wrong for me too and worst thing - black tribal shines thorugh the new tattoo! after researching the web i realised that black can be covered up only with more black or get faded with laser and only then covered up with other colors. So my 'artist' didn't understand anything or just fooled me to get the money- this tribal should NEVER been attempted to be coveted by anything that is not dense black! remember this whoever reads this and thinking about a cover up of a tribal - just don't go this way unless you do plan to get a dense black big piece (which i think you naturally wouldn't want!). You want a cover up - go for laser, fade it real good and only then consider this. don't repeat my mistakes.
So here i get to the part where we all laser people dream about - the outcome result of this process. i know that we have different goals - some want a cover fade, some want complete removal. For myself - i still don't know!
I have started this period with the idea that removing such a big dense piece as mine is impossible, so at least a good fade for a cover with no compromises made can be an option.
But more and more as i think of this, i'm so afraid i end up with another blob of ink and this time really no turning back - the scars from the old treatments and all the tattoing on the same area will make another removal not possible - and really there is a limit for how much trauma you can cause to one miserable piece of skin. So this is truelly scares the S@#$ out of me. As i see my tattoo fading right away i do start feeling that full removal is possible. Worst case is left with scars or a ghost, but those can be covered as well with a smaller and much lighter tattoos. or just left alone. I still not sure if a scar is better then a risk of getting another failure of a tattoo? don't know yet. So all of this is really confusing to me, and thoughts build up and i don't have the answer. Another thing is the treatment itself - should i continue traveling for pico and spend all that money on travel expenses or continue in my country with inferior Q-Switch treatment and save the money, but with the risk of getting inferior outcome and more scarring. Still don't know the answer for that one. So all that uncertainty is affecting on the emotional status. I guess that this is happeining not only to me - some days i feel hopefull all will turned out well and some days i can be scared that something will go wrong during this process and i end up with an unsatisfying result. I have no soloution for this but just know that if you do expreince this you are not alone. Stay possitive and take time to consider your moves. Think about them carefully but don't let this take over your life.
One last thing i want to add, is that allthough there is a lot of negative parts in this situation one thing positive is that i got to know some good people on the way and most of them from this community. Whoever i'm talking about knows this, so really i thank you for the conversations and support. it does help and i am just happy to know you all. So good luck and untill next post have a good fading :)
10 days post treatment
First you can see that most light shading in the head, body, and left wing is almost completely gone.
Old tribal tattoo beneath the cover up is really faded as well.
There is some signs of small fading in blacks of the bird face.
The right wing is the most stuborn, i saw some minimal fading but most of it still very dark and shiny. The sparkle tone belongs to white ink, and i do worry for it (alltought other white ink in the tattoo seems to be gone).
The left wing black are also stuborn. no change for them untill now.
I heard it before, but it seems that allthough the major hype picosure is struggling with blacks.
Still for now very pleased with the fast results. This makes me believe i can even fade my tattoo entirely without needing a cover up. Hopefully this will be the case.
Worst case scenario that not all tattoo is gone, i might a apply a cover up but really light and as small as i can go.
So for now it seems that i'm going all the way to complete removal. long way with such a big piece but i'm not giving up on it yet.
Revelite SI test spot on White Ink + updates
I'm almost 1 month post 1st pico treatment, and i'm still considering my next steps.
For those who have not followed the entire review, i don't have pico in my country so i have decided to try it while i was in a family vacation in london.
The treatment was expensive (250 pounds), but i'm quite pleased with the overall result so far.
However, as far as black ink - i must say i am rather disapointed. While the grey shading has gone well (with half of 10 year old small tribal tattoo it was covering), the blacks has faded minimaly so far. Since my tattoo has a fair amount of black ink, i started questioning the profitability of going through my whole treatment in london with the pico. So i scheduled another consult at a clinic close by with revelite SI and medite, which are the most advanced technology in my country.
Since i have seen some reviews with good results on blacks using this technology, i'm willing to give it a try.
After showing the before and after pictures, the technician for impressed with the 1st pico results on the shading and covered tribal in my tattoo.
However he mentioned the fact that the blacks has rather minimal result, and with double the price for treatments + all the hype pico is getting on the media, he would expected far better results. He is rather right, but he also wants to sell his treatment.
Anyway, my skin is 100% healed so he asked to do some test spots just to see how the ink is reacting to the Q-Switch laser.
He said he is worried for the white ink, but i am not because i am willing to apply a cover up if things go wrong. I just hate how huge this one bird turned out, so i don't mind covering with 3-4 small tattoos. just don't want such a huge bird on me.
Anyway, jusy from the test spots i immidiatly felt the difference of the pain. Q-Switch laser is more violent to the surrounding skin tissue. One of the test spots actually bled (and i didn't had any blood with the pico), but what is more intresting is the response of the pure white ink spot.
Almost immidiatly it become kinda redish, i think there is a small bump there but i'm not sure. Either way the white ink is nowhere to be seen and there is PURE SKIN where the laser spot has blasted. However i suspect it might be a scar tissue formed on top of the ink as a result of the laser. I attached two extra photos to check out, one is the tattoo from a different angle and it helps to see how big it is on my body. other one is close up on the test spots (white is in the white around the bird's eye and some minimal bleeding in another test spot further down on covered tribal lizard leg).
When i go back from test spot consultation i will have more details regarding the white ink.
Good luck, take care, and may the gods of laser be with you! :)
Revelite SI test spots results on Black, grey and white ink
So I already had 1 treatment with Picosure laser at wayne's removal london, overall pleased with fading, but blacks fading is not anything astonishing so i'm examining cheaper alternatives in my country.
2 weeks ago I had some test spots with Revelite SI laser (q-switch) and yesterday i got back to the clinic to examine the results.
The resolutions are rather mixed but i'm happy the technician and doctors are honest and realistic:
1. White ink around birds eye has GONE completely, there was not a scar but really nice cleanup of the spot.
2. Black inks are reacting well too, no cleanup on any black spots yet but fading is noticeable and its just a matter of time.
3. Some parts on tribal lizard had minimal fade (for instance leg test spot). same goes as some shading thin gray lines on wings. They suspect it might be white ink that already oxidized, meaning either the tattoo artist has covered my tribal in white ink along with other bird parts in order to brighten it up, or the original tattoo contained some white ink mixed with black. Anyway, that means complete clearance of the whole tattoo could not be possible.
4. Forecast for removal is 5-8 treatments. This is the same forecast as the Picosure technician gave me, which makes me think that Picosure is worth the price only for colorful tattoos that takes longer with traditional lasers, especially for green and blue. This is something worth to take into consideration when choosing the type of laser treatment.
5. In case of incomplete clearance, whatever will remain after the treatment will be covered with a light and smaller new design. Tattoo art is very developed nowadays and there are many options out there for cover ups, and this time i learned my lesson - no rushing into anything!
So for conclusion, good news for some of you guys that have been asking me regarding white ink in my tattoo - it CAN be removed in some cases - so keep your heads up. The solution is test spots. don't give up!
P.S - The photo attached is 6 weeks post 1 Picosure (and 2 weeks post Revelite SI test spots). Not sure if any new fading has occurred (except the test spots). My 2nd treatment is on the 15.12, and hopefully some new fading.
Promise to update you soon...
Feeling so stupid that i got myself into this mess, feel so disconnected from my body that didn't have any energy to workout for days...
Hope this feeling of helplessnes will go away as i go further with this process.. currently feel like my life turned upside down because one stupid decition.. hope someday i can really smile again..
Reset Room in the center of Soho, London has the best laser on the market (Picosure) and the technician Wayne is super nice and has much of experience with Tattoo removals. He will not fool you for the money and will set you up with realistic expectations regarding results and process. The Pico laser is really powerfull and there is almost imidiate fading results. If you are looking for a someone you can trust with your removal - Wayne is the person for you.