Hi People, I decided to share my story with you,...

Hi People,

I decided to share my story with you, so here we go.
I had a cover up tattoo two weeks ago, before of that i was really sure that i want it, but somehow after getting it, it looked huge on my body and too dark. In addition, the tattoo artist recommended me to change the design a bit, but i am not sure that this is the reason why i don't like it since the major problem for me is the size and coloring.
The last two weeks were very hard, had anxiety attacks, could not sleep well and was moving back and forward to whether i should get it removed and pretty dark to.
whenever i was looking at it, it felt like it does not belong on my body. its the placement, and dark tone that make it look bad and stupid to me.
I had anxiety 'attacks' on work and people asked me what am i going through. it was very visible that something bad is happening to me.
I think that is yesterday that i have decided that i want to get it removed no matter what the price and length of the journey will be.
I had set an appointment for two laser removal for consultation, send a pic of my tattoo via mail and their prediction was pretty much encouraging.
I have set a low expectations since i saw it is not a magic, but it does work given the time and patience, at least enough to make it bright for a cover that i would like more, if could not fully removed.
I was in a really bad state, thinking about the mistake and the cost of it.
Thanks to this community and blogs i have gained strength to move and forgive myself for the mistakes i made.
I will take this as a challenge and a lesson well learned, on how to love and appreciate your body.
So the consolation is planned in two weeks.
I'm excited to hear what they have to say.
I will keep you all posted...

Update of my state

I've had some though days with my bird as well... anxiety attacks, wake up shaking at night, sometimes even had thoughts about death for a second and then realized how stupid it is that i suffer so much because of stupid ink in my body.
But that is the lesson that we learned, we haven't appreciated the gift of a healthy body and skin that we had. for me i just come to realization i already ruined my body and there is no way it will be "clean" no matter what way i will go. if i keep the bird i will have to add elements to it, since its so big and i feel really stupid to go around just with one big tattoo of a bird on my back, while most of people that have only one tattoo have it small and usually people with several tattoos in one area go large on the same area so the big one blends in with the small ones so it doesn't look weird.
It's just that i am not stable right now and this is really not a good time to decide on any other new tattoo... so if i decide just living with it i will have to wait and see if my emotional and self esteem will get better in the next months. if so only then i will be able to go this path.
there are days i feel i really can go this path and end up with a good and cool overall result, but in the same breath i feel this piece already carries so much bad energy that i don't know if i can ever fully accept it and feel comfortable going shirtless or with a tank top ever again feeling fully proud of my body and body art.
So the other choice for me is go for the removal process, but i am really realistic about it and know it may take up to two years of pain and money expenses, not able to expose my body , go to beach or even go to vacations with friends and so (and i'm not even talking to hook up with people since i don't have any serious Girl friend right now, it might be too embarrassing having sex with discussing blisters and tattoo all screwed up).
Right now i was having sex with the tattoo with some partners and i tried to forget it and pretend i like it, it didn't seem like my partners were discussed by its size or shape which was kind of cheerful for me.
Still haven't had the courage to go to the beach since i got it and that is so sad because i like the beach so much and was proud of my body. i used to work out by now its been hard to making myself continue... what is the point if i can't be proud of my body ever again?
so this is hard... i still going back and forth if i should just for the removal, and even when end up with a ghost tattoo go for a cover up that i will like...
All those thoughts are taking a lot of energy from me... this is somehow funny how bad ink can take control of your life... and its not easy to fight back, especially when its me that caused this mess from the first place...
So bottom line is that i'm still haven't decided what to do... and just wanted to get it out of my chest.
Any replies and advice will be welcomed.
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Comments (3)

aloha inor5819, I understand the depression and guilt that follows with ink regret. It affects our whole outlook, our sleep, our eating habits, and our perspective of possibilities. You seem to understand that the whole removal process takes time, which it does, there is no quick fix. Modern medical technology is great, but it is not a magic wand. I wish it was, I'm sure many here also wish it to be that way. Consultations really helped me get perspective of what could be done. And the fading is always wonderful once it starts. It can be slow, but taking pictures helps to see the progress. What really helped me is understanding that this tattoo, the hated tattoo was just mistake and we all make mistakes. Mistakes can be corrected. I also found that focusing on the minute ahead of me, rather than trying to focus on the big picture helped. "Life by the yard is hard, life by the inch is a cinch". I share this little bit of wisdom with others. The final piece of advice that I can offer, that really helped me, is to be gentle with yourself. We are often our own worst enemy, we are often much more critical with ourselves than anyone else. I hope these words of advice help you, ink regret is not fun, it will get better, and you have options. I'm glad that you realize that making any type of decisions when you're going through the downside is not wise. Good luck, keep us posted, we're all here sharing. I know that many people simply read the forum, while others may post, there are many people out there battling ink regret and the mental anguish that can follow. You are not alone. Thank you for sharing your story. Best wishes and aloha...k
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aloha inor5819, I'm glad that this site and others have given you some personal strength to move forward. Ink regret can be emotionally, mentally, and physically draining. Ink regret often opens the doors for self-doubt, anxiety, and other debilitating mental states to walk through, and sit themselves down. There are some wonderful people on this forum, there are some wonderful people out there. I'm glad that your co-workers care about you to ask what is wrong. Even if they themselves have not been through it and don't fully understand, I think it's wonderful that they care so much about you. I think it's also wonderful that you are being realistic, and I'm sure during your consultations you will get answers. Yes, laser removal is a process, but I have found that staying positive, being patient, and pushing through helps me get from one laser session to the next. Healing and aftercare are so important for the body, and the mind. It may not be something that you can see right now, ink regret consumes us. In the meantime, knowing that we are here for you, I hope provides some comfort. Knowing that many of us here have been through this process, many are still going through the process, I hope that provides support for you. Good luck, keep us posted whenever you can. Sending good thoughts your way as you begin this journey. aloha...k
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Thank you for taking the time to share your story with us, you will find so much support here. Check this out 100 Days of Happiness ChallengeBarbiedoll90, one of our amazing community members put this challenge together to help inspire positive thoughts and happiness. Would you mind uploading a photo of your tattoo here on your review?
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