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Excited, Worried, A Mix of Emotions All at Once! - Illinois

Hi everyone, I am 54 years old, if you could not...

Hi everyone, I am 54 years old, if you could not tell.....I just recently decided to have breast reduction. I along with all of you have had big breasts since being a teen. I was constantly told that I was a "big boned" girl. I have throughout my life had my ups and downs with weight. And sometimes my breasts would decrease in size if I lost enough weight.....but like most people I would gain back what I lost and boom they would return. The past few years, I have been working out regularly and I have been able to improve problem areas, but one area has only caused me to have more self image issues. Everytime I look in the mirror, no matter how hard I work they are the biggest thing that I see. Every top I put on never looks good....When buying dresses I constantly have to get a bigger size to try and fit them in and usually I still need to get an even bigger size...which really is discouraging.

I have been complaining alot about how hard it is to work with them and my husband asked me if I thought I would want to have the surgery. At first I thought... no this is me ....this is how I am....Oh You think I'm Fat.... Then I thought I would go to the PS and see what he said.....then I chickened out....I thought I would be sorry that I wanted to alter my size....but then I would see myself in the mirror and I would be angry that I have to look so darn big.... I am not comfortable with my size breasts...I do not enjoy anything about them....I am really scared, but at the same time I am sooooooo excited to be able to wear a top or dress or anything and not look BIG, just NORMAL. So I did make another appointment and I told the PS my concerns and he said "OH, you want to do this....you will feel so good about yourself." So I scheduled it for June 1st.

I am having my ups and downs with my emotions....I talk alot to my husband who has been a great support now and our whole life together. He says he will love me if I keep them or if I have them redone. But he just wants me to feel good about myself. Happy Wife, Happy LIfe!

So I am going forward with the surgery, scared? You bet....but I want to be normal. I have been working out really hard and I want people to say, wow, you are in good shape...I'm alittle neverous that I will look fatter....but I try not to think of that only that I will look normal and be able to zip and button things.....Do any of you other ladies have the same feelings that I do...where you worried by making your boobs smaller you would look fatter? I hope my self image will improve... that is one fear I have and it makes me rethink my decision to go forward...but I look at alot of your photos and am encouraged with the results. Hopefully I am seeing the right doctor and really should not be seeing a shrink......Am I normal?

I'm also scared of the actual surgery, the scars, the pain. I have read alot of your blogs and I realize everyone is different and heals different. Hopefully I will do well. So I have spilled my guts to all of you.....and I want to thank everyone for various suggestions, I have a list and will use them all...

I'm sorry I do not have photo's, will try and have some taken soon.

Will try and update all on my goofy feelings......I'm sure when it get even closer I will need everyone's support to go forward.

Here's to Feeling Good about ourselves!

Again it does excite me when I think about putting on a top or dress in the size that fits my whole body and not just my boobs....

Well here I am and it is another day closer....I...

Well here I am and it is another day closer....I have not told everyone....I have told my children, sister, but not my mother....do not know how to break it to her...was thinking of just NOT saying....also, there are a few other people whom I have not told...and for some reason have no desire to? I am at peace just hoping I am happy with results.

Helo Everyone, today is June 4th and I am feeling...

Helo Everyone, today is June 4th and I am feeling like myself.....I want to write how the surgery went for me.......

June 1st....Woke up at 5:30 am got ready to go and fixed breakfast for my husband....took a very nice shower. We arrived at the hospital at 7:15 am, they checked me in and I waited a few minutes for the surgical dept to come for me. Once inside they had me change into a gown (lovely) and asked me all the questions again, alergies, etc...The anesthelogist came in and also asked me questions. Then the PS came in....he had me stand up and he carefully marked me for surgery....I told him how nerverous I was about not have any sensation and he told me he could not make any promises...he has done thousands of BR's and that it is his favorite surgery to perform...and I would be beautiful...also that it is a small percentage that do not have sensation...

Waiting in that room for everything to happen was probably one of the hardest times of this....I was very scared and had alot of anxiety...the doctors taked to me and told me to try and relax that this is one surgery that has excellent results and the pain should be tollerable because no muscle is involved...

Then the surgical nurse came for me and off I went...I remember seeing the room and then transferring to the surgical table and the anesthelogist asking me to make sure I was centered on it....I put one arm out and started to put the other arm out and that is all I remember until I woke up.

Upon waking us they, the recovery nurse was asking me from 1 to 10 what was my pain level....It felt like alot of burning sensation and aching. I said about an 8...the gave me pain med's through my IV...after they got it under control I was moved to another area and another nurse monitored me...she was giving me ice chips and orange shebert....I was drifting in and out of sleep....I did not have pain, but I had an extreme headache and was neuseaous. After awhile the tried to get me up, but I felt like I was going to vomit so they let me rest more...I have no idea how long all this was taking...I finally woke up more, but I was neuseous and the room was spinning...They put my close on and sat me in a chair and they removed a patch that was on my neck to prevent neusea but it was making me more dizzy which was making me sick....After of an hour or so of the patch being off I was able to get up and go to the bathroom and then I vomitted alot....and then I was better....finally got to come home....once home I was able to eat and drink , jello, ice water, gaterade, soup. I slept on the recliner for two nights.... I felt better saturday but had a persistant headache and neusea. Sunday woke up with a headache, but was able to walk aroung and went for a long walk in my neighborhood....And then early evening I decided I wanted to try and sleep in my bed. I slept great...kept pillows around me, but there is no way I would try and sleep anyway but on my back....it is too sore to even try....And then today is Monday and I feel like myself I'll say 70 percent.....my chest is starting to itch....I have just been taking sponge baths and putting on clean clothes....I do not see my PS until tomorrow...so I still have on the surgical bandages he applied and the instructions are not to remove at all.. I am excited to see the result...my family says I really look smalll...and like I lost alot of weight...Today Monday I have been able to stay up more, I'm glad to finally feel like I am over the hill and feeling like myself....Also have swelling but all in all it has not been bad...for me the worst was from the anesthetic....and that is different for everyone...and the nurse and that it is different everytime you have surgery....so it probably was a fluke that I had so much trouble with it....I know next time I have surgery I will be afraid of the anestheia..

Even though I still hae the surgical bandage on them I have a tank top on today and boy I do not feel top heavy! They just feel alittle stiff right now probably because of all the swelling....

It certainly was a long weekend for me...but to tell yo the truth it feels fabulous to not have to think about the surgery....now I am focusing on recovery and I have it all behind me...I am planning of really resting this week, enjoying the down time....will let you all know how it looks tomorrow when he removes the bandage....
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The swelling can actually last several months. Though by about 4 you may be most of the way through it. I'm glad you are now feeling comfortable enough to share this with some people. I bet your mom will come around, she probably just got her feelings hurt and needs time to adjust to the fact that you don't need her counsel for such a major decision. Congratulations and good luck on Tues!
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Hello everyone....so I finally let the cat out of the bag and made the big announcement to some people that I had the surgery....it's funny because they all want to know how I look...I went by my brother in laws house and he was like wow you look different and my neices were trying not to look at me directly and I was like "please look" do I look different and they said OH Yeah...Better? and they said Yes...hopefully they were not lying!

Also finally told my mother and she is mad at me for not telling her to begin with...and everyone does not seem to understand that this was a very difficult decision to make and I was constantly second guessing myself...and I really did not want to deal with all the questions and thoughts other people had....my mom needs to realize that there are alot of things that I do not tell her....it's nothing personal...I just did not want to hear about it....so she is giving me the old shoulder...time will take care of it...

Otherwise feeling pretty good...still some swelling....how long till that goes away totally?
Bruising is better! PS on Tuesday again.

Lizzy
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Glad to hear that everything went so well, Lizzy! I was surprised by how sensitive my nipples were shortly after surgery, and actually how sensitive they remain. I was so worried about losing sensation, but what I have found is that they are more sensitive than they ever were. I must not have had much feeling because of the size alone, but that certainly isn't the case anymore! Not only do I have the breasts of a teenager now, but I seem to have the "reactions" of a teenager too, and it has been almost 10 months for me...
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Hi Lizzy! How are you doing today? Other than the anesthesia it sounds like the surgery went pretty well for you. Did you go to the doctor and get your bandages removed? What did you think? Will be anxious to hear how you are doing! 
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Yes Iowa I went to the PS yesterday and they removed the bandages and said all is healing well and to rest another week and next week they will lift more restrictions and tell me what to start putting on my incisions. I came home and undressed and looked for the first time.....they are soooo perfect looking...they look like they should be on a manikin or something! I'm feeling good, I was having trouble with BM so I have started Miralax and that helped today...My body feels great, but my chest area is very sore, alot of bruising the incisions burn here and there. They feel very firm right now and I assume that is from the trauma and swelling and in time they will feel more natural....My husband and I were laughing because my nipples are so hard and I said I hope this will change as I will always look like it is cold.....they are also very sensative...

I am very happy with the result....now I am concentrating on healing trying to rest. always so much to do...Thanks for thinking of me.

Lizzy
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Hi Lizzy, how are you feeling today?
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Hi all. Doing well. Tire easily. More swelling today. All in all not too bad. The best part is not having to think about it anymore. Just resting doing very little. Sleeping a lot.
lizzy
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Thinking of you! Gets loads of rest!!!!!
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Good luck tomorrow!
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hi Lizzy well i see your appt is june 1st my appt just to find out my surgery date is june 4th so im hoping around june -july i hope soon but i do i feel like you i wonder am i gonna look fat after cause i have a stomach and big body my breast do fit my body but how i feel is miserable im tired of these boobs saggingyou can go take a look at my pics and tell me what you think cause i think there riduclous i wear like a G or H i dont even know the cup size im 34 yrs old with one daughter but im hoping to feel mor e confident my boobs do really make me feel bigger then i am already and im tired of it.... well i will be stayingin in touch with you and i will let you guys know the surgery date on june 4th ok well good luck and god bless....
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Hi Lizzy, only a couple of weeks to go. Lucky you.
I was hesitant about telling my mother, and after I did I almost wished I hadn't. As a C cup, she just didn't get it. I'm not telling her about my daughter having the same op.
The idea of scars was something I had to get past too, but now I figure they're a worthwhile payoff. I can't wait to go into a shop and be able to buy tops and bras and swimmers that fit.
All the best. I look forward to hearing about your experience and seeing the results.
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Iowa,

I am a 38DDD and am hoping to just go down to a regular C size cup...I do not want to go to small so I do not look out of perportion. I am sooooo looking forward to just buying a regular size, instead of always buying bigger to accomodiate the girls...As for my mom she may find out this weekend...we will all be together..maybe I'll tell her. One more question....I was wondering if the "38" will decrease..I have tried to purchase 36 size bras but they still seem to not fit properly...the 38 is on last hook and I sag and it feels big. So I wonder if I should try for a small C, but the PS says he may not be able to remove that much.
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If the 38 is on the last hook I would think that you might be able to go with a 36, especially once you are able to get a smaller cup size. And where you may end up being a 38C if you wear a 36 band you may need a D cup size. I'm the same way with a 36 and 34. The 36 just doesn't hold me,  yet it was so hard to find a 34 in an H cup. My hope had been to be a C cup, I'm currently sitting at a DD. My PS did say that he removed as much as he felt he could without compromising the circulation. While I do wish I was smaller, I can't argue with the circulation part of it. My healing was uneventful and I have full sensation and a nice full shape. Good luck with telling your mom! I will be thinking about you and hoping that goes well and that she is supportive. Just remember though...you are a big girl and can make your own decisions, even if mom doesn't like it :-)
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Do you think your mom will be judgemental about the surgery?

I was worried about telling my grandma. She is 80 years old and while I didn't think she would be angry that I was doing it, I just was afraid she would think it was vain. However I was shocked that she was excited for me. She said she wishes she had done it when she was younger because she thinks she would be much more comfortable when she walks and bends over now.

You certainly don't have to tell anyone at all unless you want. If telling someone is going to cause you anxiety then I would avoid it as well. It truly is no one's business. And most people probably won't know. They will just think you have lost weight. I can't remember if you have said or not, but do you know what size you are now and what size you hope to be? I was a 34H and am now a DD and no one really noticed. It was thankful that while there was a significant amount of tissue removed, it wasn't so noticable that I had to explain it to everyone I came in contact with.

June will be here before you know it!
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Hi Lizzy! Thanks for sharing your story! What size are you now?

You will feel so much better after you have had the surgery. It really is an enormous relief to your muscles, to your mobility, and to your self-esteem! I was totally worried that I would look fat afterward. But in actuality people kept saying it looked like I had lost a lot of weight and they wanted to know how I did it! I think no one ever noticed anything other than my ginormous boobs and when they weren't so obnoxious they thought I was a tiny little thing and wanted to know my secret.

The nerves and anxieties are normal. Over the next few weeks you will experience the full range of emotions. Take deep breaths and remember we are all here to cheer you on. And it sounds like you have tons of support at home!
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