Emotional Rollercoaster Ride - Houston, TX

This is my first time ever blogging so please forgive me if I do this wrong :) I guess I should start of by telling you a little about myself. I am 26 years old, mom of a 9 yr old and 6 yr old. I am 5'4" and weigh about 145 lbs. I only breast fed my sons for about 2 weeks total. I have been married to my high school sweet heart for almost 12 years now. He is my everything and has been very supportive through out this whole process. I have always had some difference in breast size but it seems that after my second son was born there was a big difference. 1 breast seemed to almost stay the size it was when my milk came in and the other went back to normal size. I would say that I am an A cup in 1 breast and a B in the other. I am VERY insecure. I do not like for my husband to see me naked and I refuse to look at myself in the mirror. I dont like to wear tight fitting shirts because I feel like people are going to notice. My husband is amazing, he has been supportive of my decision to have this done. He doesnt think I need to have it done, but for me to feel better about myself he is accepting of it. I am beyond nervous! I guess my main fear is that I will be put to sleep for the procedure and never wake up. I feel selfish, my boys could possibly grow up without a mother all because I want boobs! I am also afraid of the finished results, the pain doesnt scare me at all. I have been through so much in my life, I know this is just another obsticle that I will and can over come. But I am just worried that they will not look like I want them too. My surgery is scheduled for March 12th and it seems to be going by soooo slow! I am on this website daily reading others stories and most of them seem to calm my nerves. I will not be posting pictures on here simply because I cannot stand to look at myself. I know pictures help, but I just cant do it :/ I would love to hear anyone who has reassuring words for me! Or anyone who has possibly had a BA done in Houston. It is always comforting to hear nice things about the surgeon who is holding your life in his hands!

Well this time next week I will be in SURGERY!!!! Time still seems to be going by soooo slow! I dont think there is much left in my house that I can clean or disinfect lol my sons probably think that I am going nuts. My 9 year old has asked me several times why I am going to have surgery. He is aware that something is going on but I havent explained to him what just yet. Maybe when he is older. I just told him not to worry, mommy is fine she just has to have a little something taken care of. I reassured him that I am not sick and I will be home and back to normal in no time at all. It seems so easy to reassure my son, why cant I convince myself?!? I guess it is only womens nature for us to worry. I guess in my heart I know I will be fine, its my mind that keeps playing tricks on me! I really hope that this week flys by fast! I have my final appointment with my doctor this Thursday at 11am. It is a 5 hour drive for me to my doctor. I will be staying in a Hotel for a couple of days after surgery to recover. I am so not looking forward to a loooong 5 hour drive home after surgery! But I guess that is all part of it! Everyone keep me in mind and I would like to thank everyone that has left me such kind words. It really does feel good to hear words of encouragment at a time like this. Thanks again :)

Tomorrow is the big day!!! I cant believe it got here so fast! I cannot wait to get this surgery over and start the recovery process! I just want to wake up in the OR room and know that everything is okay. First thing I am doing when I get to go home is calling my sons. I am so worried about dropping them off today with their grandma. I know everything will be fine, but its in my nature as a mother to worry about my babies. Well enough about the stressful part of this whole process. I went last Thursday to have my pre-op and also register at the hospital. Discussed some things with my PS, decided to have a slight lift on my right breast due to my size difference. He says that my left breast is an A and my right breast is almost a C, which I already knew thats why im having the surgery :) But to try and get the girls looking as perfect as possible he said I needed to lift the right one so my nipples are both at the same level. Sounds like it makes sense to me. Last thing I want is to FINALLY have the same size boobs and have one nipple looking up and one looking down. I have to admit when he first mentioned the lift I was a little taken back. I knew in the back of my mind it was going to need t be done but for some reason I was hoping he was a miracle worker and could do it without a lift. I had a very long ride home that day (about 7 hours) and it slowly started to sink in and the scar wasnt so bad to me anymore. Im pretty comfortable with the idea now. And of course the price went up lol as well as the lenth of my surgery but again, it was expected. My house is clean, my bags are packed and I am ready to go! Everyone keep me in mind and say a little prayer. I will post an update as soon as I can tomorrow! Thank you everyone for all your well wishes :)