Mommy Makeover Not Worth It. I Regret my Decision -Woodbury, MN

Hi again. 10 months later and all I can think of are all the silly things that lead up to this decision and what I thought before getting this mommy makeover and how silly what I thought was. First off why did I think my pre stomach wasn't good enough. Yes stretch marks, hanging skin, no visa me belly button. Now I have stretch marks, hanging skin, and a visible weird belly button. In hindsight I can't imagine why I would think that my unhappiness with my stomach would be resolved by reducing what bothered me. It's less but it still bothers me. For god sake 3 little stretch marks bother people. The reality is I still hate it it's just different but now my stomach feels hard, indented, it swells oddly before my period every month, and the scar is gross. I look at stomachs now and I am jealous of soft, slightly chubby stomachs. Oh and you know what most people have stretch marks skinny people, people who never had kids, men. Most stomachs hang when you bend over seriously get over your self. Stop comparing yourself to checkout line magazines! Go to the beach! I felt so isolated and in a weird reality pre surgery. The reality is bodies come in all kinds of not so attractive shapes! Probably 90 percent of everyone are not "good"looking. I see people differently now. Hey are you healthy? Any medical concerns? Hey me neither, but that was pre surgery. After getting fat removed from the tummy tuck and a little from lipo my lower body fat body spiraled into a 2 week period cycle (aka feeling like I was going crazy). Then getting diagnosed with cancer at 3 months post op I came to this conclusion. What the f did I do to myself! I realized being healthy and strong was way more important than looking "good" ever was. I asked my cancer removal surgeon if being so upset over this surgery could have caused the cancer. He said no. Truth is, as a nurse I learned excess stress messes with the immune system. So you would figure between the emotional craziness, regret, and the healing process my immune system was not (is not) functioning at its best. How silly to take your body,the one thing that will always be with you while you are alive, and mess with the way it functions because wait.....YOU ARE VAIN! Oh and visually after gaining 10 pounds, which is what I should have done to have my stomach look better without surgery. My fat hangs over the incision line on one side. I took my body and had plastic surgery expecting it would alway look the same. The reality is weight fluctuates, you get wider, your body changes. But now you have lost the ability to change in a normal way. Parts will grow where you have no fat it will not. Welcome to looking worse then ever. And YOU did this! On to boobs cutting a circle around the areola was silly and it's odd doctors do this. Because when your nipples get hard the circle changes to a contracted position and with out the outside areola pigment variations it looks weird or the skin from the lift pulls weird making the nipples look odd. I will have to get a picture up. Also don't move the nipples around! There is so much variation in where they will end up when the skin stretches in time. Hello one nipple to high, gross scars, and heavy uncomfortable boobs. Oh I can't sleep either since one week before my surgery I haven't had a full night sleep unless I am beyond exhausted. I really like sleeping.
He conclusion is this was a mean thing to do to myself and my body is less comfortable, less healthy, and not as strong, my imperfections bother me as much now as they did going through puberty, before kids, after kids, and honestly more now because I lost a lot of pride in how I look although not perfect before I ate right, exercised, and was strong. I was me the person I've looked at for 32 years with small boobs and a six pack ( saggy and covered in some loose skin) I was me I was going through life and I looked my age, I had 3 kids and people could tell. F everyone I was in shape and healthy so what if I couldn't look perfect. I got upset over my appearance before when I would get tired I should have gone to bed, taken down some mirrors, stopped loosing weight and focused in being healthy, strong and eating enough to fuel playing more. I should have been less hard on my self, I should have not consulted the web or people for their experiences on plastic surgery. The way they feel, their morals, what they really feal have nothing to do with me. The question should be do I want to do this. Period! Not adding anything else on. I should have realized you can't "fix" this a man (plastic surgeon) can't make your body any better. Look better yes take better pictures yes. On deciding to do this nothing else should have entered the discussion. How do I feel about plastic surgery? Not self confidence, people. I should have known NOTHING CHANGES! Other than the way you look in pictures. I read a study that said after plastic surgery the only thing that changes is you feel more sexually attractive. Life satisfaction actually went down. So really being sexually attractive should be the most unimportant thing ever! Truth me told I know lots of girls with seriously sagging stomachs and flat hanging boobs you know what guys think they are attractive. Sometimes more attractive than a perfect young person. This has all been a huge waste of time, emotions, feeling bad, and healing. I wish this on no one.
If I could go back I would get of these websites and not look anything up for one month. Go to the beach and see people as they really are, gone back to school, gotten a new job, taken an antidepressant, taken a vacation by myself, visited my family, taken down mirrors, stopped worrying about how I looked and given myself time to accept myself. I would have never set a time to get this done. I would have taken the money and the first though of not doing this I would have paid off debt just to get rid of the option and reduced financial stress. When I showing my stomach to people after the first doctor told me it wouldn't be worth it to have a tummy tuck I would have believed him and never asked a person who has different beliefs, opinions, then me. Really I wish I could have said I'm healthy, I'm strong, I'm in shape f it. Take advise from a fat lady who hates her c section scar and has had plastic surgery and is still huge after 20 years. Really I needed someone to say THIS IS LIFE get over yourself you are fine and you are beautiful. Because I was to mean to say that myself. I wish I realized all doctors are not going to say don't. Most won't. Even if you don't need anything done. After all you are there and they are getting paid. This was a sad terrible and pointless thing to do. I hurt myself, I lost pride in my appearance (I've had plastic surgery), I messed with my health and well being all so I can have bigger boobs and a flat stomach. Oh and my stomach is just as flat after as before around month 7 it does the same thing hangs when I lay sideways, less bending over, god so stupid.

Oh and one more thing god doesn't want you to do this. I'm sick of religious people rationalizing this. If he wanted you to have big boobs and have a flat stomach you would have one. He does want you raising kids who are not vain and prideful (a sin right) and he wants you to be healthy, strong, and comfortable being you with all your "flaws". Please don't waste prayers on plastic surgery or healing from this. Stop being so egotistical and self absorbed. Third world problems. Yuck we are all disgusting. Now get over your self you are ok just being you. Really if I see you pre surgery I'm probably looking and jealous. Or thinking your fake boobs really look fake and stupid because most do. Oh and I think you look like you have a low self esteem.

I finally got in to an appointment. Was it worthless yes. Did I want to do it yes. I had to convince the doctor that one of my implants had bottomed out. From my pictures he said the creases were not even, which I see why. The reality was before surgery he marked my creases and said they were even. There was even a point in the healing process where I could tell one fell down and even my husband noticed. The doctors response was well they just bottom out slightly when using the peri areolar incision. So why is the other one not? Why would anyone use the periareolar incision if the implant just bottoms out? I also mentioned this pain I have had over my chest that has changed from feeling like heart pain to muscle pain. No comment. It hurts! In fact most things I asked had no comment or were brushed off. Hey,I have no feeling in my right inguinal area. According to the doctor that was from my hernia surgery years ago. Um no. Oh and if you see that red part of my tummy tuck scar that hurt so freaking bad it is the incision line from my hernia. My guess is a nerve got pulled when the skin and my guess some of the hernia mesh was raised. What else? I asked about my nipples and if he gave me a nipple reduction because the nipple on he lift side is really flat and the scar is really within the areola. His response was nipples usually stretch with a breast augmentation. So did I loose part of my nipple but it stretched? I really liked my nipples so that's sad, hey one looks similar. Now up to this point I've been pretty nice reviewing the doctor but really his work sucks. I feel hustled by him showing me a perfect tt scar that followed angled underwear marking and I have a jagged high pube showing scar. I feel that he just changed his diagnosis to go with questions I was asking and didn't say hey this is what is going to give you the best results. More like hey whatever you want and if it sucks it's your fault. I'm sure I said this but I came from a consultation where the doctor said different profiles one hundred cc difference. I asked my doctor what was wrong with this plan. He said no only 50 cc. He was wrong! Why 100cc difference because you keep the same width you just change decrease the cc and the projection to make up for the rib cage. Wrong! One breast is too big, and the nipple sits on the lower end of the implant. I tried to show him the nipple is downward facing because the implant was too wide. His response the nipple is where it is and he didn't understand the relationship of the nipple of different sized implants. Implant to small or bottoms out nipple points up, imPlant too big or too high nipple points down. So I have lost all confidence. Really, who moves around nipples and gives pointless painful benili lifts when siting down and figuring out the appropriate implant width and trying the same style implant during surgery would have been more effective. He said we can do a revision with the same style implants and less cc ( the implants are very top heavy). Which brings me to my last rant every number this doctor said was wrong! Bwd was 11 than 12, implant cc's were 10 cc off from what he told me after surgery. After the last appointment he said he could reduce my implants 100 cc. The appointment before was no more than 75 cc. Ok one more the revision. He said he would use same implants reduce the size and sit me up and move around the nipples. After getting home my husband says, " didn't he do that last time." Oh and I still haven't gotten my estimate I have called and left a message. I doubt I will get one. I think the follow up and revision work being cheaper or free is of little interest to the doctor. Maybe it increases his low revision rate. I also think I'm not emotionally ready or willing at this time. If that's he case in delaying the estimate I would rather hear hey you are upset lets wait. your estimate its good not for 6 months but longer because emotionally your not ready and I'm not willing to perform another surgery on you in his mental state. Fine, I get it but hey I feel like I just got really f-Ed up and need some revisions and to just get blown off I feel says something about the doctor and his staff. I read two reviews commenting on revisions and ethics about the doctor. I agree! One said after my second revision I still need another. Do I really want another surgery? Oh, what really pissed me off was the doctor said my boob job was a "hard case. " I would have really appreciated knowing that before the surgery. No really, I would have. who would have done this knowing the results would most likely me awful or fall short of your expectations. I mentioned I am a perfectionist too. That would have been a great time to say you are not getting perfection. In fact you are a "hard case". Thanks enjoy the money. I'm sure him and his wife are sleeping fine. Im up again every night ever since the surgery crying again typing to know one i know. Hoping to encourage someone to not do this. After all I really did this to myself and I can't change it. It does not look better. It was never so bad to have done this in the first place. Really nothing a little weight and muscle wouldn't have helped. I just got too thin and things hung and looked empty. Some pictures I took were gross others I thought I looked beautiful I only focused of the gross ones. I lost any pride i had looking pretty good after 3 kids and being in shape. Just not perfect. Still not perfect, some wacky version crazy version of attractive. Homework-See foot binding images and history for what people thought was attractive and sexy at a place and a time. This is what i really think plastic surgery is silly and in a hundred years people will look on this as a barbaric ritual. While the people involved will say i loved it or i wanted to do it as they hobbled around on deformed feet or in my case couldn't do push ups, exercise comfortably, pick up my kids comfortably on my hips and stomach, hug people without bags between us, or open and shut windows or pill bottles as easily and comfortably as before. But hey i have big boobs and a flat stomach!
Me, I never believed in plastic surgery until post kids and even had a breast implant explode on me at nih as a kid at daughters to work day. So here I am I thought I would regret it and did it anyway. I know myself pretty well and how to rationalize everything too. Another late night.

Has it been 5 months? Still very upset with my decision. Really new things about my body just bother me now. I remember thinking that a hip to hip scar would be a good trade for loose skin over a belly button. It just looks weird. My stomach is flat but hard below the belly button, the belly button looks weird, not as weird as a lot of tummy tuck pictures, but still weird. The stretch marks over my belly button, now under the belly button, are loose and look stretched and weird. My stomach muscles hurt to rotate or sit up. The boobs are just wacky it has become very apparent that using two different profiles 50 cc difference was about the dumbest thing that could have been used. The difference between the breasts has been exaggerated and the extreme difference in width has the nipples sitting differently the moderate wider implant has the nipple pointing down and the high profile narrower larger sized implant has the nipple centered but pointing outwards. Fun finding, when I lay flat or raise my arms the higher profile side becomes flat or sunken in. My nipples contract differently too now. Doing a lift on the one side was a terrible idea as was doing a crescent lift on the other side. Better symmetry and nipple position could have been achieved more effectively using similar implants. Oh and on my tummy tuck I can feel two permanent sutures on the incision line.
This sucks top it off being an emotional wreck, my kids witnessing this whole thing, and the constant thought that this looks "good" now but it's not going to age well. Women get a little more girth as they age which would have solved a lot of my pre surgery "problems". This was a very quick fix solution and I really believe I could have tightened up a little more on my own. Instead of dieting I should have focused on building muscle. Instead of worrying about any of this I should have done something else to occupy my thoughts and mind. My nipples are so sensitive and uncomfortable now it is hard not to be reminded of this stupid surgery frequently. Areola incisions are bad!
On another note looking around this site you see so many perfect people upset with the few stretchmarks they have ready to jump into plastic surgery thinking the trade off is worth it. Some drs should have their ability to practice be stripped away. Seriously, a perfect lady who had a baby 3 months ago was asking what could be done about her loose skin over her belly button, which I didn't see. Doctors were telling her to get a tummy tuck it was crazy. Maybe one or two said do nothing no one said give it time. I can attest to skin tightening up like crazy even with stretch marks let alone this perfect lady with slight "loose skin" and no stretch marks. God does every woman think there body's could be better. How sad we can't just be happy who we are. That's the lesson I guess. It's always greener on the other side. Forget all this nonsense and better your self intrinsically where it really matters.

Err. I really wasn't that bad off to get this done. Yes I had extra skin I had to pull out my pants when I sat. I did yoga and my stomach hung down in the middle maybe two inches. I liked the idea how I could improve and at some point getting in shape I just started to see all the people who looked better than me, who bounced back right after pregnancy. I lost sight that I looked really good and was comparing myself to moms who didn't have twins. Really, I looked good for twins. Not perfect but natural and 12000 bucks richer and a whole lot happier and I could sleep a full night without being women up by weird sensations triggering thoughts about how stupid I was to do this.

Oh and I have been trying to get a follow up appointment for a month and a half. I finally got one after the secretary telling me she needed to talk to the nurse, then not calling back, then calling to have the secretary call me saying they were " just talking about me" but I couldn't book an appointment because she needed to talk to the nurse. Um blown off, perhaps. I finally talked directly with the nurse and got an appointment.

Last hint to add I really thought when we came up with a breast augmentation plan that if it didn't look right or could be better using different implant profiles or sizes then the doctor would use the ones that looked the best. I am just astounded that these two were finally put in and the doctor said good enough. I really need to post pictures it's crazy. In no way would I ever have said okay these implants don't work now let's move around the nipples. Terrible. No really it's terrible if I was a plastic surgeon I would be ashamed from lack of though pre planning and the decision during surgery saying it looks good.

And sorry for all the punctuation grammar and lack of commas. I'm on a phone, lazy, and slightly incompetent.