Hi again. 10 months later and all I can think of are all the silly things that lead up to this decision and what I thought before getting this mommy makeover and how silly what I thought was. First off why did I think my pre stomach wasn't good enough. Yes stretch marks, hanging skin, no visa me belly button. Now I have stretch marks, hanging skin, and a visible weird belly button. In hindsight I can't imagine why I would think that my unhappiness with my stomach would be resolved by reducing what bothered me. It's less but it still bothers me. For god sake 3 little stretch marks bother people. The reality is I still hate it it's just different but now my stomach feels hard, indented, it swells oddly before my period every month, and the scar is gross. I look at stomachs now and I am jealous of soft, slightly chubby stomachs. Oh and you know what most people have stretch marks skinny people, people who never had kids, men. Most stomachs hang when you bend over seriously get over your self. Stop comparing yourself to checkout line magazines! Go to the beach! I felt so isolated and in a weird reality pre surgery. The reality is bodies come in all kinds of not so attractive shapes! Probably 90 percent of everyone are not "good"looking. I see people differently now. Hey are you healthy? Any medical concerns? Hey me neither, but that was pre surgery. After getting fat removed from the tummy tuck and a little from lipo my lower body fat body spiraled into a 2 week period cycle (aka feeling like I was going crazy). Then getting diagnosed with cancer at 3 months post op I came to this conclusion. What the f did I do to myself! I realized being healthy and strong was way more important than looking "good" ever was. I asked my cancer removal surgeon if being so upset over this surgery could have caused the cancer. He said no. Truth is, as a nurse I learned excess stress messes with the immune system. So you would figure between the emotional craziness, regret, and the healing process my immune system was not (is not) functioning at its best. How silly to take your body,the one thing that will always be with you while you are alive, and mess with the way it functions because wait.....YOU ARE VAIN! Oh and visually after gaining 10 pounds, which is what I should have done to have my stomach look better without surgery. My fat hangs over the incision line on one side. I took my body and had plastic surgery expecting it would alway look the same. The reality is weight fluctuates, you get wider, your body changes. But now you have lost the ability to change in a normal way. Parts will grow where you have no fat it will not. Welcome to looking worse then ever. And YOU did this! On to boobs cutting a circle around the areola was silly and it's odd doctors do this. Because when your nipples get hard the circle changes to a contracted position and with out the outside areola pigment variations it looks weird or the skin from the lift pulls weird making the nipples look odd. I will have to get a picture up. Also don't move the nipples around! There is so much variation in where they will end up when the skin stretches in time. Hello one nipple to high, gross scars, and heavy uncomfortable boobs. Oh I can't sleep either since one week before my surgery I haven't had a full night sleep unless I am beyond exhausted. I really like sleeping.
He conclusion is this was a mean thing to do to myself and my body is less comfortable, less healthy, and not as strong, my imperfections bother me as much now as they did going through puberty, before kids, after kids, and honestly more now because I lost a lot of pride in how I look although not perfect before I ate right, exercised, and was strong. I was me the person I've looked at for 32 years with small boobs and a six pack ( saggy and covered in some loose skin) I was me I was going through life and I looked my age, I had 3 kids and people could tell. F everyone I was in shape and healthy so what if I couldn't look perfect. I got upset over my appearance before when I would get tired I should have gone to bed, taken down some mirrors, stopped loosing weight and focused in being healthy, strong and eating enough to fuel playing more. I should have been less hard on my self, I should have not consulted the web or people for their experiences on plastic surgery. The way they feel, their morals, what they really feal have nothing to do with me. The question should be do I want to do this. Period! Not adding anything else on. I should have realized you can't "fix" this a man (plastic surgeon) can't make your body any better. Look better yes take better pictures yes. On deciding to do this nothing else should have entered the discussion. How do I feel about plastic surgery? Not self confidence, people. I should have known NOTHING CHANGES! Other than the way you look in pictures. I read a study that said after plastic surgery the only thing that changes is you feel more sexually attractive. Life satisfaction actually went down. So really being sexually attractive should be the most unimportant thing ever! Truth me told I know lots of girls with seriously sagging stomachs and flat hanging boobs you know what guys think they are attractive. Sometimes more attractive than a perfect young person. This has all been a huge waste of time, emotions, feeling bad, and healing. I wish this on no one.
If I could go back I would get of these websites and not look anything up for one month. Go to the beach and see people as they really are, gone back to school, gotten a new job, taken an antidepressant, taken a vacation by myself, visited my family, taken down mirrors, stopped worrying about how I looked and given myself time to accept myself. I would have never set a time to get this done. I would have taken the money and the first though of not doing this I would have paid off debt just to get rid of the option and reduced financial stress. When I showing my stomach to people after the first doctor told me it wouldn't be worth it to have a tummy tuck I would have believed him and never asked a person who has different beliefs, opinions, then me. Really I wish I could have said I'm healthy, I'm strong, I'm in shape f it. Take advise from a fat lady who hates her c section scar and has had plastic surgery and is still huge after 20 years. Really I needed someone to say THIS IS LIFE get over yourself you are fine and you are beautiful. Because I was to mean to say that myself. I wish I realized all doctors are not going to say don't. Most won't. Even if you don't need anything done. After all you are there and they are getting paid. This was a sad terrible and pointless thing to do. I hurt myself, I lost pride in my appearance (I've had plastic surgery), I messed with my health and well being all so I can have bigger boobs and a flat stomach. Oh and my stomach is just as flat after as before around month 7 it does the same thing hangs when I lay sideways, less bending over, god so stupid.
Oh and one more thing god doesn't want you to do this. I'm sick of religious people rationalizing this. If he wanted you to have big boobs and have a flat stomach you would have one. He does want you raising kids who are not vain and prideful (a sin right) and he wants you to be healthy, strong, and comfortable being you with all your "flaws". Please don't waste prayers on plastic surgery or healing from this. Stop being so egotistical and self absorbed. Third world problems. Yuck we are all disgusting. Now get over your self you are ok just being you. Really if I see you pre surgery I'm probably looking and jealous. Or thinking your fake boobs really look fake and stupid because most do. Oh and I think you look like you have a low self esteem.