Still Coming to Terms with It - Gloucester, UK

Hi girls First of all I need to apologise for my...

Hi girls First of all I need to apologise for my English, I am sure you will find some mistakes! I have posted part of my story through this website and I think now it is time to tell my story more in full, mainly to seek help or illusions, I don’t know! I had my implants in June 2005 by TMG in London to boost my confidence, I did it just for myself (I liked to wear strapless tops, low tops and look more curvy just with a t-shirt). After the operation I was very happy, not too small not too big. I had 310cc under the muscle, I was a small A cup and went to a C cup. I loved it.

They were relatively soft to the touch, I never had problems! In 2012, I heard, as everyone else, the scandal of PIP implants and having kept all the documentation I knew mine were PIP. I tried not to worry about and convinced myself everything was ok, but then something had to be done so I called TMG. After making few phone calls finally they called me back for an appointment. To make the whole story shorter TMG offered a free removal or paying £3000 for replacement. I was really disgusted by their offers especially when they said they are not making profit on it, please don’t tell me one silicone implant costs £1500! This really put me off! Even more when I had the scan done few weeks later, my right implant was ruptured showing silicone around my lymph nodes!

My first and final decision was the removal without replacement because I was and still am sick of the whole failing system and luck of support we have and also I didn’t want to give a penny to TMG! I decided to get them removed from NHS because I felt TMG were patronising people, playing mind games, hitting you where your weaknesses were! Even though I made the decision I felt really sad to remove them, I was happy with them, still soft and no change of shape whatsoever (without the scan I wouldn’t have known I had a rupture). What will I look like? Will I feel still sexy? Will my husband still love me? I had so many questions in my mind and most of them; they couldn’t be answered until after the operation! I looked the internet and saw so many bad and good pictures, which one would be me? The date was set for the 9th of August, I was so nervous, I cried so much (I still do). As soon as I woke up I had a pick … I felt so sick, I cried so much, the hospital had to call my husband.

Anyway today it is the 22nd of August and I still find really hard to look at myself, it makes me sick touch them, I don’t feel sexy anymore. So far I can’t see much of an improvement; I try not to look at them too much! I manage to take a picture maybe with the hope of a miracle but I think my expectations are too high, I should accept my self for what I am but I can’t, not at moment! I always said: I rather live a short and happy life then a long and miserable one; should I have left them without thinking of the consequences? Or will I recover and understand the real meaning of life which it is not only bum and tits? The fact is I do understand boob is not everything but as soon as I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t know what happens, I just start crying and being miserable like there is nothing else in life, not even a loving understanding husband that would do anything for me! It is so hard!

I am so sorry to hear you are having a hard time with this! But please remember that it hasnt even been a month yet, and your breasts change for up to a whole year after removal. If you take a look at the pictures on this website you will see most of the brave ladies on her didnt start showing change until a month or so after!
ashamed of them on hols as you can see them through skin...they really do look awfull. Im waiting for nhs to remove, ive just been refered frm docs. I want an uplift later in future...i dont mind small...its saggy i cant cope with. Anyways, yours still might get fuller with time?.xx
I can imagine it is tough...put the photos up when you can and i bet we can reassure you of your look. Have a look at my photos with implants and before implants and you can imagine what im going to be left with...i am very very scared...i want them out because of how they look and how thet look and how they feel...ibe never been happy with them, im always

Thanks to all of you for your support, even though...

Thanks to all of you for your support, even though I still feel very upset, reading your comments it makes me feel better.
I have posted my after ops photo, I really hate them, I still avoid to look at them as much as possible, I just can't stand them.
I didn't like them before the operation because they were far too small, now they are smaller and saggy, I don't know how they are going to change in the future, at least not in better! :-(
you look amazing! such beautiful skin! and so PERKY!!! :) I do understand some of your feelings that your going through. I LOVE having my implants OUT but i am having a"side affect"i guess youd call it. Mine are puckering in. When it did this it caused my incision to heal wrong.The tape had come off my right breast and it was like my areola was sitting on top of my chest and had healed that way. I completely panicked! Ive gone into a bit of a depression cause of it,and am embarrassed to show my hubby. I keep telling myself it will get better :) keep my chin up :) im super jealous how yours look!!! :) We need to stay positive girly :) You do look AMAZING! and think how lucky you are by getting those CRAP PIP's out, i know this is hard (cause its hard for me) But try and keep yourself busy and not to over think it to much :) WE ARE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN!!!!! :)
Unicorn, I echo what Elle says - you look FAB!!!!! Very perky and not stretched like mine have been. I'm sure your hubby will love you as you are too. It's more about confidence than size and you have a great figure :)
I think you look great to be honest, they are nice and pert! I hope mine look as good when I am done. I hope that one day you will see how lovely you look x

Just to let you know, I just came back from my...

Just to let you know, I just came back from my last consultation with my doctor for a check up, it is all good, my left scar is better then the right one but they are healing ok. I have uploaded a photo so you can see the rapture of the right implant. I have caught it on time as the silicone hasn't become liquid yet!
I have to thank you all of you and this website for the kind support I am receiving, I really appreciate it!!!!
i hade them removed on agust 9 just like you and i feel like you do my story is like yours ,so i really know how you feel i did not want to removed them but was the best decision we need to like who we are just like that xoxo
I think you look nice post op. Try not to get down. Look at my pics, it may make you feel better. I am very deflated, but keeping positive.
Appearance will change dramatically over the next few months. I am four months post-implant. In the beginning, I could not fill-out my bras (Pre-implants..I only had my implants 3 months), and now I fill them out completely! I was so bummed in the beginning. You really have to give yourself time. I know it's hard. I promise you..they'll get better..although I think they look pretty good being only a few days post-op! :)

I went bra-shopping today, I wasn't looking...

I went bra-shopping today, I wasn't looking forward to it, but I ended up buying a 32 D and 32 DD bras!!
Of course padded one, I don't even dare to wear no padded bra!
I bought some silicone enhancers from Silicone Sally, they are great, I had to increase my cup size to DD (of course, I guess, it depends on brands). Then I bought a D cup bra from Ann Summers the one that increases your cup size, it looks good, I hope.
Of course I can't see myself naked, they look awful, or even with a normal bra in my normal cup size, I am a B cup (I didn't know that) but quite an empty B. Anyway will see what the future will bring me!
Hi Unicorn mum 1 here well for what its worth I think they look great really cute and perky they don't look like empty sacks at all and I think small breast do look sexy on one of the ladies profile she has put a link to celebrities with small breasts and they are all really feminine and sexy I hope you grow to love them because I know what you think is what matters not what we all say big hug xx
Hi Unicorn, I really think you have a great result, you dont look saggy at all and look like you never had implants. You just look like a naturally slim built woman now in proportion.

We are our own worst critics, and will always find fault with ourselves. You honestly look not just fine, but great.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but this is not the end of the world - you have to get this in perspective. Try and remember all the reasons you needed explant. I had PIP implants too and I am so glad to be rid of them. You can always wait a few months and if you really feel like you cant live with smaller breasts then consider replacing them.

Hi andi22
Thank you for your support. You haven't been harsh at all, you are perfectly right (I really think I need someone to kick mu bum!!!). I read you story and I wish I can take it as you did. In a way I am starting to get used to it until I look my self in the mirror, so I try to think positive but it is really hard! I think I will keep reading your story when I am feeling down ;-)

Just uploaded few more recent photo, the dent...

Just uploaded few more recent photo, the dent hasn't been filled.
They don't look any better then the first photo, gutted!
Just read your story, I really hope you're feeling better about everything. And honestly, I think your after removal boobs look amazing! I'm actually really jealous! I am 5 weeks post pip removal and am left with absolutely nothing. I'd love to have pert ones like yours! How r u doing now? Xx
Hi Lana36 I am not too bad, I might post a more recent picture. I did receive CBT which helped me. Of course I will not change my opinion of my self, but at least I am not crying about it, there are so many bad things in life and what I have is nothing! How are you coping?
Hi sorry for delay, I'm not too bad thanks, some days I hate mine and some days I realise there's so many more important things other than my silly boobs! I hope everything is good with you, and trust me, your pics look great! x
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