38 Year Old Mother of 2 Wants to Have Normal, Implant Free, Breasts - Edmond, OK

When I got my saline implants (2002), they were...

When I got my saline implants (2002), they were fantastic—I went from full A/small B cup to a FULL C/small D cup. I was very happy with my results. Since then, I have gained a little bit of weight and now my breast seem huge to me. My bra size is a 32DDD. They still look OK though….but why don’t I feel so OK when I look at myself in the mirror? I feel so…fake? Not myself?

Basically, I just don’t want them anymore. I want them out of my body. I want when I read a book to my 5yo that it isn’t uncomfortable for him to lay on my chest. I want to wrestle with my 15 year old without having to worry about my breasts. I want to look good in clothes that AREN’T sexy (tight, formfitting). I want to have sex with my husband and let him handle me as roughly as he wants to without fear I may rupture a breast. I want to buy a NORMAL sized bra! I just want to be natural.

The intensity of these feelings have gotten stronger as the years have passed. A few weekends ago I googled the question (what happens when you remove breast implants) and looked at the photos. I was surprised to find that lots of people look great (better even) after surgery—for some reason I always had a picture of puny raisins in my mind. Then after a few other word searches I came across this website. And let me tell you, you ladies on here have given me something to hope for and the courage to do something about it!

I called my doctor today to get some prices for the procedure and spoke to a lady in the office. I had pretty basic questions for her: how much does it cost, will they look normal and what do most people do. She told me that it would be pretty impossible to say what would be needed without the doctor seeing them (fair enough). She said I might need a lift and that they could put smaller implants in me. I told her that I really don’t want other implants. She wanted to know why I wasn’t happy with them and I told her I just wanted to be natural, that I was a different person when I got them and they just aren’t me anymore. She also told me I could go into his office and they could deflate them….

ME: What do most people do after they have them deflated?

HER: Have them replaced.

ME: They get new ones?

HER: Yes.

I think that sounds awful.

I plan on making an appointment with my doctor to have my breasts evaluated. I will continue to post here, on the off chance that I can help some other gal out there who is thinking about having this done.

I’m optimistic.

Still haven't scheduled consult --- stalling

Hello ladies! Thanks again to all of you for sharing your photos and stories. It really is such a help.

I haven’t made my consult appointment yet because I’m a little nervous, and a lot busy at the moment. However, I have contacted my doctor’s office with some questions I have – still waiting for a reply:

Dear XXXX,

You've been very helpful and patient. Last we spoke we discussed possible options for my explant procedure. You mentioned that I could have them deflated and I am most certain I don't want to do that. I'm pretty sure I want to have them deflated and the shell taken out on the same day because the appearance of them may shock me more with the shell still in there.

Has Dr. B had a lot of experience with doing explants without replacing the implants? Some doctors specialize in explant procedures alone, the closest one being in Texas. I'm just nervous that he is going to try to talk me into getting new implants to be completely honest.

I’ll let you guys know what they say. Still waiting for a reply. How about any of you? Do you think this matters?

A response from my doctors office

"Good morning. Yes Dr. B has performed implant removal without replacement but to be honest the majority of our patients choose to have the implants replaced or their breasts lifted with an implant replacement.
However, the choice is yours as to whether or not you want to have your implants replaced. Dr. B will inform you as to what you can expect with your results if you have your implants removed and he will not try to persuade you to do something that you are not comfortable doing. I will be happy to schedule a consultation for you at your convenience. I look forward to hearing from you.

A response from my doctors office

"Good morning. Yes Dr. Brou has performed implant removal without replacement but to be honest the majority of our patients choose to have the implants replaced or their breasts lifted with an implant replacement.
However, the choice is yours as to whether or not you want to have your implants replaced. Dr. Brou will inform you as to what you can expect with your results if you have your implants removed and he will not try to persuade you to do something that you are not comfortable doing. I will be happy to schedule a consultation for you at your convenience. I look forward to hearing from you."

Consultations Scheduled!!!!

Per the advice from a couple of you fabulous ladies on this site, I have scheduled with more than one doctor.

Norman Levine, April 17th, 2014
Derek Shadid, May 15th, 2014
Juan Brou, June 3rd, 2014

Doctor Brou did my original implant and I was going to only schedule with them, however I am a little uncomfortable that they keep talking to me about re-implanting over the phone and they haven’t even seen my breasts. They are very nice though. I guess that it keeps feeding into my fears that I won’t be happy with my results. I’m already nervous about having this done in the first place!

Anyway, at least I have got them scheduled.

2 days until 1st consult - Reflection

It’s so funny how the mind works. I remember before I got implants I literally obsessed over getting breasts. I obsessed about how much prettier I would FEEL with big, beautiful breasts, and how much more confident I would feel about myself. And it worked for a while—not that I had a low self-esteem before. But I received a lot of attention after my implants. As time went on, I began to realize that this wasn’t the kind of attention I wanted. Who’s notion of beauty was I trying to conform to anyway? And then I began to feel obsessed with getting them out. Staring at photos of flat chested models all day; models with the same bodies I had and was so desperate to get rid of.

Today I came across an article on Scarlett Johansson that was of course accompanied by a compilation of photos of the voluptuous actress. Upon looking at the photos I realized that I might miss them (the implants) a little when they are gone. I think I will mostly NOT miss them though. But I’m pretty sure a little part of me will. I think that’s human nature though, right? The grass is always greener. Your neighbors garden less weeds than yours. Your sisters kids are better behaved than yours. Seattle has better love music venues than Oklahoma…well, that one is actually true…. Ultimately, you just have to be happy with what you’ve got. Or you will go insane.

Just a little reflection.

An update: I still have my implants in. I have my 1st of 3 consults on this Thursday. My last consult is June 3rd. So, I’m still at least a couple of months out from my ex-plant unless I just fall in love with a PS before June.

1st of 3 consults last Thursday

I went to my first of three consults on Thursday. Dr. Levine was very pleasant and had a likable bedside manner. My husband really liked him. His recommendations were first that I did not really need this procedure because I had no complications. He mentioned that he had only ever taken out implants that looked as good as mine did one other time. I honestly don’t think he could wrap his head around the concept or my explanation of why I wanted them out. He seemed genuinely concerned if I would be happy with the end results. I assured him that I had done a lot of research and seen a lot of photos to know what I was getting myself into.

His recommendations were that general anesthesia would be used. A partial capsulectomy would be done to remove the front part of the capsule and drains would be put in. He said if the capsule was not removed it could cause irregularities in the breast down the road.

My husband, as I mentioned, really liked him and agreed with him regarding the scar tissue/capsule removal (my husband is a doctor of chiropractic and understands this medical stuff better than I do). He said that over time the scar tissue could contract, and said scar tissue does have a tendency to do this. So I don’t know. Although my capsules are pretty thin I’m wondering if over the span of years I could have problems down the road???

2nd of 3 consults - But pretty sure he is the one.

I went to my original PS today which was apparently Dr. Gonce. I don't know why I thought Dr. Brou put them in?!?!?! Anyway, I really liked him although he was concerned that if I would be happy after. He brought out my old photos to remind me of why I had them put in in the first place. I told him it was a really bad tactic because now I want them out more than ever! I love my pre-BA boobs! Like many of you I am looking at these photos (I didn't have any pre-BA) and wondering what the HELL I WAS THINKING!!! I love them now... Oh well. I suppose I can grow from this. Dr. Gonce basically said the same thing the last PC said; that he would remove the anterior portion of the capsule under general anesthesia and I may or may not need drains (actually the other guy said I would certainly need drains). Anyway, I really liked him. He was just as I remembered, but 12 years older. Anyway, he gave me a copy of the photos taken pre-BA and post-BA surgery. I can say that I really like my BA boobs now about the ones in these photos because they look all tight and unnatural. They've settled down more but I still want them out, especially after seeing these photos.

Implant Removal Scheduled October 2nd with Dr. Brou!

Just to recap:
Age: 38
Two children (one before BA and one after)
I breast fed 2nd child for 10-11 months
Implants are 12 years old
350cc and 375cc smooth saline implants
Sub muscular

I had my final consult today. Dr. Brou and his staff were so friendly and Dr. Brou did not really try to talk me into getting a replacement after he examined my breasts. Before he examined me he did mention smaller implants and possibly a lift. I told him I would rather do nothing at all than get replacements and after examination he said I absolutely did not need a lift and he thought I would have pretty good results with just the explant. He also said he would leave the capsule alone-meaning I would have less recovery time. He mentioned that when he gets in there if he thinks the capsule needs to be removed he will do so at the time. I must say I am somewhat relieved because, as you can see from my pre-BA photos, I didn’t have much breast tissue. I have more now than I did then because I gained some weight and I breast fed for almost a year. I did forget to ask about a partial deflation but I think I want to do that as well so it gives my breasts some time to contract pre op. I’m open to suggestions though!

Do you guys think I am making the right decision? Should I go with a doctor who wants to remove the capsule? Just to recap all my consults:

1st Consult
Dr. Levine - $3500.00
Remove Anterior Portion of Capsule
Drains
Incision in breast crease

2nd Consult
Dr. Gonce - $3400.00
Remove Anterior Portion of Capsule
Possibly drains
Incision in breast crease

3rd Consult
Dr. Brou - $3000.00
Leave capsule in (unless on surgery day he thinks it needs to be removed)
No drains.
Incision in breast crease

I already scheduled my implant removal but now I’m second guessing myself. All three docs said I have very thin capsules and no evidence of capsule thickening or contracture. I had very small breasts before and I’m OK with having small ones again but I would like to minimize as much as possible. Feel free to weigh in with what you think.

Also, I would like to thank all you ladies for helping me get to this point. I don’t think I would be going through with this without your stories and support. I honestly did not know it was an option (or a desirable one anyway).

It's getting closer

For my small chested ladies!!!! http://www.buzzfeed.com/juliegerstein/51-impossibly-beautiful-bras-for-girls-with-small-boobs

Sorta freaking out a little! They will be out 10/02

I’m sorta freaking out. I originally had my surgery scheduled on 10/02 and moved it to 10/16. I had my pre-op appointment yesterday and discovered he was blocked out on the 16th so I was moved back to the 2nd! It all felt so real last night. I was looking at myself in the mirror and thinking I still look pretty good and my breasts haven’t caused me any problems. I was thinking that after they are out I probably won’t have enough breast to have a ‘crease’ to hide the scar. But mostly I was hoping I don’t F my body up. Like, I look good now, why would I mess that up? It’s kind of like when you have long hair and you resolve yourself to getting that pixie you’ve always wanted and all the sudden your hair looks great any way you fix it. I know this is totally normal. I’ve read all these REAL ladies wonderful stories to know that this isn’t uncommon, to second guess yourself (especially since there is no real medical reason to have them removed.)

About my appointment. My doctor came in and made a comment about how beautiful my breasts look. :/ I didn’t need to hear that. It is taking an incredible amount of courage to pull this off, especially considering that I may look worse after. However the fact still remains that I am not happy with my breasts and I want to be natural. I’m a completely different person than when I had these put in and I don’t need them anymore. Yeah, they look great. Naked! They still make me look fatter than I am unless I wear some barely there outfit (which actually may not make the rest of me look so good).

Yes. And there is the fact that I am about 30-40lbs heavier than I was when I put them in. I know this. And I know I will be happier with my OVERALL body once I lose this extra weight. I’ve been putting off losing the weight because I think a little extra fat would make them look fuller after they are out. It’s probably just me but I always feel like this is what the doctors are thinking. None of them will say it though. They just discourage me from having these water balloons removed.

About draining them before the appointment. I have an opportunity to have them drained 40% on Tuesday (and a slow leak for the remaining 60). I would have had it done yesterday but in giving me all the facts about complications with infection and such (which he said did happen with one of his patients) I changed my mind. Now it may have changed again…or it’s undecided. I’m hoping you ladies can really help me with this last question. Should I have them deflated? Or should I just wait and have them taken out on 10/02?

I’m so sorry this update is all over the place. I am in fact all over the place right now. And, I’m also sorry for any grammatical errors this may have. I just needed to get this out there.

Funny.

Here is a tunic I bought online. Although, this had done little to discourage me from wearing it! I bought this Ralph Lauren shirt. Here is a photo of what the shirt is supposed to look like and what it looks like on me. I'm really glad you can see my skinny neck in the photo so you can get a better idea of how disproportionate my breasts are to my body. I'm actually wearing a minimizing bra in this photo!

Partial Deflation

Yesterday I was super scared to get my partial deflation. I have an actual phobia of needles. I didn't look but I felt light headed. I felt pretty ridiculous when I didn't even feel the needle. I guess the gauge of the needle was practically hair thin and it didn't hurt. AT ALL. He took 120 cc off each breast which is about 40%. I brought my surgical bra (which I'm super disappointed in) and was able to fit into it.

I purchased 2 Amoena surgical bra's and the clerk recommended a Medium A/B. It doesn't fit snugly around my chest and since I spent $50 for each of them I'm going to have to return one for a Small. People really underestimate the size of my upper body. I have really long thin bones and bony wrists and shoulders and I carry all my weight in my hips and butt. My wedding ring finger is like a 3.5! Anyway, the bra isn't snug enough and I'm glad I found out now, before the painful procedure.

Also, I'm working on a blog post for after surgery care and supplements and such. I'm putting the finishing touches on it now and hope it will be ready to publish in a few days. It's hard to say because I work full time outside the home and blog on the side for fun.

I'll post my after photos on a different post in a few minutes.

BTW, zero pain with the deflation, in case I didn't already mention this.

40% Deflation - Day of Procedure

In the doctors office.

40% Deflation - 1 day

These are from this evening. Sorry about the wallpaper. In process of taking it down.
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Comments (90)

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How much better does it feel to have them 40% drained?! You look great.
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I so get your example of how clothes should fit and how they actually fit once you get them on. My surgery date is the day after yours. Good luck and I will be following your progress.
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Hey girl! I haven't been on here in quite some time but when I logged in I saw you had posted lately. It has been a little over two months since I explanted and I could not be happier. Every time I lay on my stomach without two hard lumps on my chest and every time I cuddle with my babies without having to push them off my chest or move them to accommodate my big fake plastic boobs, I am so grateful for my natural body and the decision I made to explant. I have never looked back. Sure, there are things I wish were different about my boobs. But I never get caught up in the "why did I do this" or "I wish I wouldn't have done this..." My big fake boobs made me love and accept myself more now than I ever would have, had I not had my those awful plastic bags of silicone reminding me that I don't need to change who I am and risk my health and sanity and waste my money to know how beautiful I really am.....naturally! Good luck. Please keep us posted!
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I don't regret it either, even though I still have some problems with right breast, shape ,pain, and itching. just knowing those toxic things are out makes me soooo happy! Learning more more how God see's us than how we see ourselves!
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Thank you so much! I'm getting a partial deflation today. Kinda nervous. I hate needles. I'll post some before and after photos.
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Update us - let us know how it goes!
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You won't regret this decision. Please have the capsules removed ...... Your body will ultimately reject it. Pity you could not find a ps that has more explant experience and is more removal orientated rather than " why would you want to remove them?" Please read my profile and comments about biofilm infections. I wish you good luck.
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Your profile is one that I have been following. Thank you so much for taking the time to post a comment. Your encouragement and that of others keeps me pushing forward with this decision. I paid for it yesterday so, for me, there is no backing out now! And you're right, it is a pitty that there aren't more doctors in my area that do this. The closest one I could find who did a lot of explants was in Dallas Texas which is over six hours away (and in another state).
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The natural me....it's normal as women to over analyze things sometimes. I know when I made he decision to get the implants, I did not do that. I barely researched anything and did not realize there was a shelf life. For me....getting off the surgery merry-go-round is important enough for me to do this now. It's just a matter of time when they have to be replaced. It is YOUR decision and ONLY YOURS as it is your body. IMHO, I think you look far too large on top with those implants. Carrying that extra weight around seems tough on the body and it is still a foreign object that has no business being in your body. Again....the only thing that matters is YOU and what you want to do. Quiet your mind...listen and the answers will come to you. Much love during this! Keep us posted!
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Thank you, thank you, thank you! That means a lot to me and I really needed that today. Having them in my body is such a contradiction to what I am about today. I mean, I'm into the natural and healthy and holistic lifestyle and these things in my chest exclaim a lie! And who was I kidding when I told myself I was getting these put in "for me" and to "make my clothes fit better," and to "get better body proportion." All that stuff screams poor body image to me now. I am all about self love and supporting positive body image. And you are right, it is my decision. And I am so glad I am finally making the right one!
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Hi when I booked my first consultation the lady I booked with says that it's becoming very popular for explant without replacement. Wishing you well xxxxxxxx
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I really hope so. It really hasn't caught on here, although, it does seem like less girls are doing it now.
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I hope that more people are finding sites like this - if I had before I would never of had implants.
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Yeah..good for you..I feel the way your breast look..you will explant nicely. . Yee haa
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Thank you so much Frisky! I cannot wait to post some REAL progress photos.
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You will look fantastic. I'm very excited for you. Healthy and natural is definitely best. Best of luck to you. Mine is scheduled for Oct 6th.
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That so so close. I know it sounds silly to think about freaking out about two weeks difference, but 5 weeks sounds so far away (when in reality it isn't obviously) when compared to three weeks. We are BOTH going to do great and should just stop worrying. I think I'm going to start a trilogy I cannot put down or something to keep my mind off of it! Maybe reorganize my entire house and donate a bunch of stuff to charity? That should take 3 weeks to accomplish? I hope.
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LoL!!! I'm cleaning out closets, and trying to quiet my mind! I'm so ready to be implant free and natural. I had a lot of worry over the twilight sedation last week! Is that what you are having?
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It's good keeping busy that's what I'm trying to do - having a few booked arrangements leading up to op has helped distract me too. I'm Having general as PS said it's safer and u sure degree of op although on the day if I really want local he would do that too. For me I'm Happy to be asleep even though it's couple more hours recovery xxxx wishing you calm healing vibes xxxx
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It is not a matter of what other people think, just you! Reading and asking questions I think is very smart of you to learn through other people's experiences. I have more beginning breast tissue than you do but I deflated and am having the bags removed in 2 days. I could not be happier. I (as well as many here) did all the second guessing you did. With Saline deflating is a really nice option for us, that is one thing we did right :) I wish you luck on this journey and it is SO nice when it does not weigh heavily on your mind any longer!
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I remember when you first posted your story. I'm so glad you went through with it. I've been off here for about a month. Living, breathing, eating and sleeping breasts on the brain isn't healthy! I needed a break. So I've been catching up on everyone's stories!
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Can't wait to hear how things go! If you're still second guessing, it's a good idea to have implants taken out (and/or if you want them replaced) every 10 years or so. I had mine 26 years and envy you that you are going to do it so early on in the process. Your capsules are thin, yay! That makes a big difference. You're smart not to wait until the capsules are thick and calcified. As the FDA even states, they're not lifetime devices and mine were proof of that. I love mine now that the implants are out. I'm going to get a lift as well. That way I'm not going to put anything in my body and they will look even better than they do now. And yes, I'm one of the ladies that likes my boobs SOOO much better than with the implants. Wow, tank tops have never looked SO good! :)
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I really needed this. Thanks so much for your post. I really needed the encouragement and confirmation that I am doing the right thing. A good reminder that at any day one or both of these implants could go south. I'm still nervous but resolved!
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Great buzzfeed.com link! Thank you so much for sharing it, and I wish you the best of luck with your explant!!
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Thanks!
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