Accepting my natural self

Have implants 12yrs now, went from 32A to 32C. Was happy for about a yr then felt really ashamed of what I had done, afraid of peoples comments & feeling like a fake. Although I love them in the bedroom, I have been unhappy for some time. I have recently found out that one has ruptured and needs to be removed or replaced. I am nearly settled on removal for good.

I am scared to death that my partner will not find me attractive anymore as he didn't know me before them. I am scared to death that I will find me not attractive anymore. My self esteem has always been very low and boobs didn't sort it out either. It's something deep within me that needs to be looked at. I look at the pressure put on women to look a certain way and I feel angry.
I wish I never made the decision to do it in the first place.

Removal of implants booked for 16th Jan. Not feeling so bad about it. Pray everyday I will be happy with the end result.

Well it's 24hrs away and I'm feeling strangely calm.
I've been getting upset at the thoughts of my appearance after the surgery forgetting that I have chosen this option and my reasons for it. Had one of them not ruptured I would not have even considered having them removed. I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe tomorrow starts a new journey for me, one that involves me accepting my lovely self as I am.
I am a strong woman but strong as I am I will need time to adapt. Thankfully my partner is supportive but has said he likes big boobs and that makes me sad.
I pray that he still finds me attractive afterwards and that this won't strain our relationship. We are getting married in May this year. My hen's party will be my next night out without my big girls :-(
My flight to Birmingham is at 630 tomorrow morning. I will be collected from the airport by The Hospital Group driver then admitted. I don't have an exact time that I'll be operated on, I just hope I'm not waiting half the day. I want it over and on my road to recovery as quick as possible.