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Log for a Long Painful Journey - Denver, CO

Hello everyone! Let me introduce myself and my...

Hello everyone!

Let me introduce myself and my story firstly. My name is Cheng, originally from China and doing school in Colorado. At the end of September, I made a super big mistake which is getting a tattoo done. Seriously, I have been thinking about this tattoo design for around two years. As an international student, live by myself in a foreign country is tough. I felt life is just like feather, and what support you to move on is love and hope. This is the meaning behind this tattoo. Especially when I met my girlfriend this summer who is my 7 years old close friend. I have a stronger motivation to get the tattoo done. But just right after I finish my tattoo, every time I looked at the mirror, I just feel this is not my body and not me. Black ink let me feel cold and afraid of myself. During past 20 days, I cannot sleep, study, eat. The depression is killing me in slow motion.
I did lots of research, and pick a local clinic they are using RevLite and a 10 years experienced CLS will do the treatment for me.
My first treatment is Oct. 28th. I really need some support from friends. Feel really such a down time.

Some thought

Ok, so today I screwed up my midterm test, depressed. In addition, since my depressed mood also affect my family and friend even girl friend. And just one moment, I felt like I kinda don't really hate that tattoo. Since really I like the hidden message behind it. Thinking back, probably nothing can change my mind to get it. Just after I screwed my midterm, and after a long sleep, I realized I think I can accept it. Although I hope I didn't make this decision. But I already did, and nothing can change. I know laser removal is a long painful process. I am quite emotional for sure, I don't know during this process, if I will be more depressed for example if the progress is not really good. If the result is not perfect. I am hesitating right now.

What do you think fellows? Need some comment!

Anyway decision made

Oct 28th, 1st treatment, hope I can stay positive

Super touched inside

Thanks all your friendly comments, I really appreciate you. Best wishes for you. I will do a test spot this saturday to make sure, the reaction of asian skin type to the laser. I feel lot better these days, my family and girlfriend give me best support ever. I really want to share more about myself to you, why I am this hesitating, although this does relate to removal process. You can just read them as a short story to understand more about asian culture probably. Tattoo is partially acceptable in Asia, I think just because in old generation, it closely relates to gangster or something. My father is a professor in college, and mother works for government. They are really traditional parent, and love me very much. Since high school, I fell in love with rock music, especially some emotional genre. I also formed my own underground music band in college, last year my band (although I left, since I study abroad) even released our first album. From this you can see how much I love it, but not like normal rock band, I will connect then with anger and offensive emotion. Our songs are all about love and something. But affected by this type of culture, in past two years, I really want to get a new school style tattoo about love. For me, I am also a christian. I love people so much. I can be touched so easily by other people. Even after I got this tattoo done, I have no idea if it is allowed for christian to have a tattoo. On the other side, because of my parent and my girlfriend's family, I feel strongly shame about my tattoo. But sometime, I don't know why I will feel shame about it, since all it wants to express is about love, hope and life. That is why I am so hesitating about what should I do. And the laser removal technology in China is so horrible, makes me feel sometime hopeless to get rid of it. I will stay here at least two years, my plan is to trying get rid of it. If after two years, my tattoo cannot be completely gone, probably.... I will just have a couple small letters about love to cover it up as much as possible.
Anyway, I am just so touched by your comment, and want to share more story of me.

Ok, finally, I am hesitating again

first of all, share a link to you guys, http://www.smoothlaser.com/ltr_phcase.html and the machine they are using is RevLite.

The pictures looks very realistic. I think this type of discoloration should be expected by us asian especially. oneTime2many's comment although sounds harsh, I know, that is what I should concern, first of all, I don't hate the tattoo that much. Like what I said, the tattoo I have, it is really meaningful for me, that is my story, life is just like feather in the air, love from my family and hope from my faith support my life. secondly the reason I want to remove it, is not because of design or shape something, just because it is "tattoo", it just suddenly change me skin permanently so I don't feel really comfortable in this way, so called "permanently". Another reason I want to remove it is because the social pressure, I mean, someday I will become a dad, I will concern my daughter or son's perspective on me. But nowadays, actually young people, even in China such a traditional nation, more and more people are getting tattoo to express their faith, especially us generation. Some time I felt shame for myself by getting a tattoo is also just because the old generation. To sum up, I am hesitating again, or my emotion is kinda getting weird now. Once I think, I love this tattoo and meaning behind it, I don't feel anxiety anymore, just concern my future child little bit. But if I am thinking about laser removal, I will feel more nervous and even cannot stop smoking. In addition, I know I am taking risk.

So I am hesitating again. I know if I post this in this community, it will become really frustrated. But this is some of my feeling. Still hesitating, and I will let you know my final decision. But anyway, even if I decide to not get lasered. I will keep continuing care about this community. Even after this short feeling, I have a strong motivation, to import some good machine back to my country and open a clinic to help people.

Final Decision Made

Hello folks, hope this could be my last post here. First of all, special thanks to oneTime2Man, blackberry11 (I believe you are the best mom ever), wilks1986 and Eva G. If without your support, I cannot even imagine what my life is going to be.

I think at the moment, I decide to cancel my treatments and do not remove my tatt. Like what I mentioned before, I like the meaning behind it, I believe that is beautiful, one more time, life is feather and what support it is love and hope (I believe that even deeply during this period, every time I saw your comment and support you gave). During this little period, I even give this tatt more meaning. Because my gf always says, she wants to be a fatty bird next life. I would say this two feather were just like a wing or something I can keep her warm and protect her. I thought this is beautiful.

The original worry about this tatt just it makes me kinda feel too special. Yea, culture shock as well. My love to rock music & skate board new school culture met my traditional Chinese culture. But I do believe I can conquer it, because of the meaning, yes, you are right, I have nothing to be ashamed. And I believe after this period and deep understanding about tatt, in the future, once I have child, I can educate him more about ink.

I really appreciate your help during my short journey! Hope the best wishes to all of you! If you need any support, just let me know.
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Comments (57)

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I just began laser tattoo removal at a reputable place in Denver and couldn't be happier. If you choose to keep it dont think so much about it. It is one small facet of who you are. If you decide to have it lased off don't worry so much. Just make sure to be patient enough to find an honest reputable place that explains everything you need to know including realistic expectations. Nothings perfect.
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I am going through the same thing at the moment. I'm all depressed because of my new tattoo, I can't eat or sleep, but I want to love my new tattoo. This is hard. Laser removal is always on my mind, but the thought of it terrifies me
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i think it looks nice. I understand if you dont recognize yourself at first, after all, you have been naked your whole life! But it's nicely done, means something to you, and its not ugly or huge or anything like that. Keep it for a while and see how you like it.
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hey cheng. first off you have a nice tattoo.. some questions.. did your GF push you to get a tatoo and did you get it becausse she wanted you too?And also . i know all the the reality shows like miami and LA ink makeyou think every tattoo neds some crazy hidden meaning, but they dont. if you think a tatoo is beautiful and you get it there is nothing wrong with that.. to many people just like a bird and they get it and than make up some crazy reason for it. anyway cheng i like your tattoo,very beautiful. remember if you have your health you have everything. one day you will realise this. a tattoo is nothing in the big picture. try and be happy
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I am so proud of you :)  I am thrilled to hear that through this forum you were able to find the support you needed. It just made my night to know that when you first came here just over a week ago and you were so upset, confused, and now you are happy, informed, and ready to move forward!!! You are always welcome to chat with us, your story is encouraging and your support in the forum would be an asset. Enjoy your wonderful tattoo :) 

Don't be a stranger!

 

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Hey! I am also having second thoughts about my tattoo but when i look at it I like it and it's nice but when I start to think about it it's disturbing me and I want it away...I feel that you will have second thoughts after few weeks or even months but anyway you will end up as we all on the laser treatment..., just saying, and wish you all the best! ;)
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Glad you made your decision! Do come back in the future to let us know how you feel about the tattoo then!
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For sure, I talked to one of my friend, one of his sentence is strong in me, he said, "the tattoo and its meaning grows with you" Hope I can feel it
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Hey Cheng, that's awesome...it's a sweet piece and I think you made the right decision :) The meaning of it is really cool! I'm glad you felt support here, it's a great place indeed! Enjoy your time in the states and stay true to yourself!
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For sure! Good luck with your final stage! I will come back to check your progress!
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Hi Cheng. I'm really glad to hear you've settled on a decision. Laser treatment will always be available to you if you ever change your mind, and you should take comfort in that fact that the technology behind it is getting better and better all the time. I'm sure you will grow to love your ink - it certainly sounds like it holds a lot of sentimental value to you already. Plus, it's a great looking tattoo. Take care.
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Really appreciate your help! I will keep on following your review! Hope you have a good treatments!
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I am so glad that you are feeling supported and overall better...that is wonderful news! 

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Hey there, I wanted to add my 2 cents about your mixed feelings on your tattoo and potentially removing it. As you are very hesitant I wouldn't suggest starting the procedure until you are confident that removal is what you want to do. As you know, once you start the procedure there is no turning back. You mention that you love the meaning behind the tattoo, and I must say it is beautiful, but you are resistant to keeping it in fear of judgement by society, family, and future family/children. I respect that you feel that way, however, I think you may be fearing it a little to much, as you have mentioned tattoos are very accepted, and even in your home country where they were once forbidden  the culture is growing. There is nothing to be ashamed of for having, or even wanting a tattoo, especially one such as yours. Regarding being a future parent...well, I am a very respectable mother of 2 amazing teenage kids, I hold a high profile job and I sport tattoos. My husband is also tattooed and he is the most amazing father, tattoos don't define you as a parent. I am in the process of removing a tattoo, however, it's just because of unfortunate luck of bad art. What I am getting at, and to sum things up, don't feel as though you should remove your tattoo because of what others think of it, do what is right for you.  Thank you for connecting with us and sharing your thoughts, keep us posted on what you decide to do :) B11
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I agree with you blackberry11. My reasoning for removing my tattoo is just due to the design, placement and technical linework. I do think that tattoos are beautiful if they have meaning, are custom to be personal, and are executed well by the artist. There's always a transitional period when anything in life changes, and that includes ink. It may take time to get accustomed to this change, so yes, please don't rush the laser....
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Hello BB11, really appreciate your friendly comment! Yes you are right, I think to be a good father has no relation with tattoo, and I can use my case for him/her to let him/her think more before getting ink. You are difinately a good mother! Best wishes for you!
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Thank you so much oneTime2many. Your comment for me recent days, even let me feel God appeared and tried to save me. Yes, seriously, I like my tattoo, all of my fear and anxiety about it is from my love to my parent, girl friends' parent and my future child. That is it. I just love them so deeply. That is why I feel I am guilty and selfish kinda. But I am getting better now, I really appreciate your help!
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I think if you like it, you should wait it out a bit more b/f making any decisions. Give yourself a moment. Realize that the love you feel for your family will not be lost over a tattoo. I too, have old school parents. They are pretty open, but not too much into tatts. I felt a little shame (just a little) when I showed them my one new tatt a few months ago...but i love it! Anyways, they asked about it's meaning and even said it was beautiful...i was really shocked. Now it's never anything I ever look at and feel shame or any anxiety about. In fact, when I look at it, I think about it's meaning (which is very significant for me) and I feel happy. I am never judged by it from anyone I love. Maybe give yourself some time to see if you really like it or want to start removing it...in the meantime show it off a bit to family/friends, and tell them what it means. Time will really tell you what you should do, but allow that time.
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That is great advice, tattoos are nothing to be ashamed of, people are very accepting of them these days, they are no longer just associated to rebellious careless behavior or reserved for "lower class people" people from all walks of life have them an it's a growing trend. My tattoo artist and I had this conversation many times, one of his clients is the grandson of one of the wealthiest families in Toronto, and the grandson is not the only one with a tattoo ;) suits cover lots of skin...and you never know what is underneath. My artist mentioned he tattoos many high profile people regularly. 

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Glad to hear you are feeling better, please let us know how the test spot goes :)

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the placement and shape of the feathers is absolutely beautiful.
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Hi Cheng. Sorry to hear you're regretting your recent tattoo! As Wilks has said, you'll get a ton of support from everyone here. If you definitely go through with your decision to have your tattoo removed, please do keep coming back to update us. I'm not sure if Asian skin will be much different to white skin when having laser. It's usually black skin that causes problems as it's difficult for the laser to 'detect' where the ink is, and pigmentation problems can occur. As your tattoo is new and because the ink is black, you should be a great candidate for laser. Have a chat with your technician and see what they say!
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I don't know what came over me but I went with what the dude was saying (so unlike me !) and got an UGLY flower on my wrist it DOES not suit my little self as my wrists are so small and I have my cats name on arm in thick black looks so trashy
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Hey Chenwu, I have a 1.5" all black tattoo that I have been attempting to get rid of for almost 2 years now (come Dec). It is all outline and I have had 8 sessions so far. It has faded significantly but there is still a ghost shadow that remains. I even waited 4+ months in b/w some sessions for maximum healing time. The bottom line is, my tattoo was technically bad....shaky outline and poor design. I chose removal b/c of this. I have another tattoo that is really well done and looks technically beautiful, and I thought just for a moment about getting this one removed too.....BUT, after seeing my results from the laser and the time this whole thing is taking, I would never get my other tattoo removed. My skin is slightly discolored and I do not know if the ghost outline will ever be gone. I was treated w/ the Medlite C6 laser. I would advise you to really think about laser removal....your tattoo is beautifully done and it has special meaning to you. I am not trying to talk you out of laser, but just be forewarned: I am in my "final stages" of removal and am doubtful if I will see 100% clearing, and my skin color is slightly off. Just be forewarned that you may not have perfect results and your tattoo will probably not clear 100%. Anyone who wants to email me or add a comment can, but this is just my personal opinion. I truly wish someone would have told me this before I started removal, because it seems like I will have to get a cover up now, which is what I was trying to avoid with laser. Good luck on whatever you choose!
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Hey. I'm sorry to hear you haven't achieved full clearance. Can I ask whereabouts the tattoo is located on your body?
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