My explant journey - day 15 (new pics)

Hi ladies, I'm so glad I found this community...

Hi ladies,

I'm so glad I found this community at Realself.com. Thank you to the women who have shared stories and pics. You are so brave and inspiring - so much so that I would like to share my story as well. I am now considering permanent removal (thanks to the community) and this is my story...

In 1994 (24 yrs old) I had my BA (Mentor saline 250 cc, over the muscle). I went from a 32/34 A to a 34/36 B/C. My natural breasts were small, but I recall admiring that they were perky (I unfortunately don't have any pics). I got them to feel "sexier" and "more like a woman". I thought implants would make me more proportionate and I've been pretty happy all this time and have thought they are the perfect fit... In retrospect, my Real breasts probably fit my small 110 lb, 5' 4" frame just right.

I haven't had any problems with them all these years, but about 5 days ago I felt noticeable rippling above my left breast. At first I thought I was being paranoid since my best friend woke up to an implant that completely deflated overnight just months ago and hers were about 20 years old as well. Fast forward to last night and I do definitely have a slow leak as my left is starting to look smaller than the right breast.

So, what to do?? I am torn between A) removal: the healthiest option, natural and small or B) re-implant: not so healthy, fake and what I've become accustomed to over the past 19 years. As i re-read my options I feel like the choice should be a no brainer to me, but Vanity - ugly Vanity is clearly clouding my judgement. Even my dear husband suggests that I get them out, but he also doesn't want me to take them out and fall into a depression - either I replace them or get them out and live with the decision. Fortunately, he loves me for me. I am clearly on the fence... I wish I had a stronger sense of self that wasn't so wrapped up in my self image. I worry if I am emotionally balanced enough for a permanent removal...

It seems there's alot to learn about - capsules - keep or remove, scar tissue, etc.? I have an appointment with the Dr who did my BA so long ago, but am guessing I should I consult with others as well.

Well, stay tuned. I'd love to hear from you and can certainly use your encouragement. :)

I found a great website that has priceless...

I found a great website that has priceless information about removal: explantinfo.com. I have my first consultation tomorrow and meanwhile continuing to search for other PS's to add to my list... It's funny because my slowly deflating implant looks "prettier" and the other one just looks kind of "fat" and way too big (I never thought this before)... lol. I'm going to ask about deflating both of them slowly before explant as I'm thinking it will be helpful to embrace and bond with smaller breasts before explant so it's not so shocking to my fragile self esteem... I'm also guessing it will help get over the self doubt that is still nagging me to just replace.

Well I had my first consult with my original PS...

Well I had my first consult with my original PS yesterday... After complimenting his "work" that lasted all these years i got down to some questions. As expected he was surprised when I said I might want to explant. He's performed 20 explants and 18 re-implanted months later telling him they wished they had listened to him... He said he wouldn't need to do a capsulectomy or drains and recovery would be just under a week. Ready to schedule more consults... Wish they were all free though... Lol

Ironically, my husband and I went to a Korean bath house yesterday as well. The dry saunas are co-Ed and they give you a shirt/shorts to wear, but in the locker room and wet area (showers, jacuzzi's, steam room, etc) it's 100% nudity - leave your swimsuit and modesty at the door... Lol. Well, I couldn't help myself from sneaking peeks at all the naked boobs!! Haha, but what really struck me is that all these "au naturale" women looked beautiful and perfect to me! For the first time I felt embarrassed of my implants!!! Hmmm, my subconscious must be leaning more towards explant too. :)

I am tentatively scheduled for surgery this...

I am tentatively scheduled for surgery this Friday, I will get confirmation tomorrow when the office manager is back in the office. We booked a vacation months ago for the first week of May and can't moved it, so I'd rather get this over with now so I can heal up abit and enjoy our tropical vacation instead of worrying if the implant fully deflates between now and then... Wow, is my head spinning from trying to make up my mind! I'm still on the fence, but leaning towards explant... I got out of bed this morning and they felt so heavy.. so weird since it's not that time of the month... Even when I'm trying not to think about this situation I really "feel" the weight of the implants 24/7 now and never did before - think Edgar Allan Poe and the tell-tale heart... lol! But then I go and look at Facebook pics of friends boating in bikinis and EVERY single woman has implants and I question if I can deal with being "different"... Apparently, I need to remind myself that I don't really live in "the scene" anymore anyways and that I should be focusing on my real identity, my real friends and my husband who loves me for me (not my boobs) and get over this vanity...

I am scheduled for tomorrow and have thought of...

I am scheduled for tomorrow and have thought of little else this week. Did everyone go back and forth like I am? Of the stories I've read it seems like most everyone was certain about wanting them out...

I just squeezed in a second consult and the Dr...

I just squeezed in a second consult and the Dr told me that my leaking implant was fully deflated and it is essentially what I would look like after explant. Could he be telling the truth? I can't help but wonder if he's just banking on a double surgery... Haha. Could my boobs really have continued to grow after I was 24 years old?

I am finally at peace with my decision... I am...

I am finally at peace with my decision... I am explaining tomorrow. :). Thanks so much to all of you wonderful ladies - all of you have helped me tremendously in an extremely short amount of time to analyze my situation and to get right with myself - heart and soul. Lots of LoVe, {{hugs}} and Health to each and every one of you.

The car service picked me up at 6:45am, I was put...

The car service picked me up at 6:45am, I was put under just after noon and here it is 5:30pm and I'm finally leaving... :/ but at least it's over. The anesthiologist (sp?) gave me the option of general or sedation so I went with sedation. They likely pumped me with pain meds awhile ago during the procedure, but I feel alright and I am a no pain tolerance person... Perhaps I can get away with just Advil if I need something. :)

I am peeved about a couple things - first the Dr asst tells me AFTER that they looked perfect - why did I get them taken out and not replaced? Really??? I bit my tongue and remained polite. Then he says well, we'll see you on a couple months hunh? Again, I just said that's not nice when I really wanted to tell him what an *ssh*l* he is. I certainly didn't let it make me feel bad, consciously anyway, but who does that... ?!?

Anyways, the other thing was that I do have drains, but they are short little ones... I even had them tell the Dr. to take them out, but I let him win since he said I had some bleeding and he doesn't want an infection. The staff said he cleaned it out a little bit. Is that a capsulectomy or just a light scrapping?

Lastly, there is tons of tape that has my lower breasts indented from the tape... The drains come out on Tuesday so am ok or am I at risk for permanent indenting? Should I retape them when I get home?

I'll add some pics soon. Luv you guys and thanks for your sweet comments and support. :)

Hi ladies, last night I didn't have any pain, but...

Hi ladies, last night I didn't have any pain, but today I haven't faired as well. I took a couple of Advil gel caps since codeine makes me nauseous, but when I sit up ouch! :) anyways, what happens when the drains are taken out? Do they typically stitch up that hole or does it close up itself?

I haven't taken off the ace bandage as it feels like they would swell out to double D's lol, but I have a pic of them mummified that I'll upload. :)

Ahh, Day 4 brings a sigh of relief for me. My...

Ahh, Day 4 brings a sigh of relief for me. My post op appointment was today and I am thrilled that the drains came out! I was so anxious that it was going to be painful, but I hardly felt it... It was such a weight off. :)

You may recall that I thought that my doc had done a capsulectomy since I woke up after surgery and found drains, but he didn't do one after all... I'm happy about that. I just had excessive bleeding that made the drains necessary. He told me that he used to do capsulectomies, but now believes there isn't a reason to do them. He said when a capsulectomy is done that scar tissue just forms again anyway.

So, now for the pics! :)... You also might remember that I was concerned about how the drain was pushing into the bottom of the right breast. Now that I'm home and took the ace bandage off to take pics I see that the right breast is "dented" on the bottom. I'm a little anxious about it, but I keep telling myself that 4 days couldn't have created a permanent dent... What do you think?

I see my Dr again next Tuesday. He told me that I don't have stitches, he used a tape (butterfly stitch?). He also taped some gauze today to catch any additional drainage - so still no shower (so glad we have a water pick in our shower!). lol Lastly, he wants me to remain in the ace bandage until next week... :/

I'm hopeful that I keep the upper pole fullness you see in the pics, but am wondering if that's just swelling. I'm so thankful that I didn't re-implant!!! Thanks so much ladies!! I couldn't have done the right thing without all of you! I wish you all so much good health and happiness ~ Heart and Soul!

Hi ladies!! :) Today is day 12 post explant... ...

Hi ladies!! :) Today is day 12 post explant... the past 2 weeks have really flown by and sometimes my surgery seems so long ago. I went back to work at my desk job at just day 5 post op. I've been wearing scarfs daily to hide my "transformation". Although my doctor had told me I didn't have stitches at my last appointment, he was mistaken... they were taken out yesterday by the nurse (my doctor had to leave before my appointment) - my left breast looks fantastic, but the right one wasn't stiched up as perfect as the left... When should I start using a scar treatment? Any recommendations on a brand?

I personally didn't like the Genie bra and found the Ace bandage more comfortable for the time being... lol. I'll have to go try some sports bras. I also want to get professionally fitted at Nordstroms for bras.

Over the weekend I went clothes shopping... I bought some cute vacation maxi dresses that look flattering with my new small breasts, but regular clothes is a whole other story... It's been challenging to admire myself in work/street clothes. I keep reminding myself that I am still strapped down and that when I can wear bras it will certainly help... I know others are deailing with this and that it will fortunately pass in time for us.

I will post new pics later tonight, but wanted to provide an update for now. The swelling did go down (bummer!) since my last pics, but I plan on massaging the girls as I've read that it can help you increase a cup size. Wish I was able to keep up with everyone and hope everyone is doing great!

Hi! Today is day 15 post explant for me. I've...

Hi! Today is day 15 post explant for me. I've uploaded a variety of new pics, but i think they look big in the pics which really isn't the case... lol. The right breast that had a "Snoopy" look is getting much better. :)

I had more shopping woes at Nordstrom yesterday when i went to get sized. The sweet girl advised me I was a 34d since a c cup cut into breast tissue... However every bra (nearly 10) didn't fit since I have no upper pole breast tissue. Even the Natori feather plunge was just ok... She had my pull the girls up, but I felt so restricted in it. I didn't end up buying anything. I went to TJ Maxx today and it was another disappointing trip. I've been wearing an Avia sports bra I already owned and feel comfortable in it so I decided to raid my lingerie drawer to see if I already own other "winners". I tried on a Body by Victoria no wire bra (34c) and am so thrilled and surprised... I used to wear it even though I was "spilling" out of it, but now it fits perfectly... Hurray! I just jumped on the Vic's Secret website and they still sell similar no wire bras which I have loved for the past 20 years since I never wore wired bras when I had implants. They are so comfortable! I'm not a bra fan (I really only wear them at work and have always taken them off right when i'd get home) so that says a lot coming from me. I am of the school of belief that they restrict lymphatic flow and I also think breast cancer is linked to bras and aluminum deodorant, but I digress...

So, that's my two week update. Health and Healing to all my explant friends.
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