34ddd to 34c?

I was a fairly late bloomer and was a C cup until...

I was a fairly late bloomer and was a C cup until about the age of 16, but since then they've grown every year. I was perfectly happy and fine at a D cup but they refused to quit, causing me self consciousness, self loathing, insecurities, pain, etc. I almost never wear tight fitting clothing or stand up straight because I just feel foolish or like I'm looking for attention. I always thought I was a 34 DD, until I had a couple bra fittings a couple months ago to find I'm a 32E/F. Not impressed.

I'm 5'9" and about 125 pounds and it just feels disproportionate. I hide them with sports bras and most friends I've had conversations with would have guessed I was a C cup and nothing more. That's how well I strap 'em down. I suffer from chronic back and neck pain (I also have scoliosis, an S curve in my spine that causes muscle pain) but I know these heavy things are only worsening the stress put on my back daily.

I am scheduled for surgery this fall (which is fully covered thank God), and I am nervous as hell, but ready for a change, ready to feel my age. I just want to be more confident in my own body and feel comfortable wearing tighter clothing. I would currently just appreciate any thoughts/ comments from anyone about whether or not this is the best choice ( I believe it to be!) and if they think it will help with my chronic pain or not. Thanks :)

I've given up wearing bras of late because I can't...

I've given up wearing bras of late because I can't deal with the pain at the end of a work day. All I wear now is a wire free pink completely non supportive cotton sports bra that just kind of keeps them from moving around too much I guess but at the end of the day it gives me quite the uni - boob and I'm adjusting a lot. I look forward to the day I can just wear a normal bra and not have my neck and shoulders and upper back in agony after a couple hours at work. I'm getting anxious for these six months to go by! I went bra shopping with a friend the other day at La Senza (a store that doesn't carry my size) but I went along because she needed a new one. The sales lady asked if she could help me find my size and I told her they don't have my size (the closest is a 32DD which I bust out of completely) and she seemed quite perplexed! People aren't aware how I can hide these by pushing them in and shoving them down. Also just wanted to say thank you to those on here who've shared their stories, and understand completely where I'm coming from! It's good to know there are people out there who've shared in the same struggles as me.

I also just want to say that I know some people on...

I also just want to say that I know some people on here have commented on how my boobs are not THAT huge. I know they're not the size of my head, or maybe nearly as big as some women who seek out breast reductions. But that doesn't mean that I don't check off every single qualification for any one else who is seeking one out. This is a typical list of questions for who qualifies for a breast reduction. No matter what size a woman; in relation to her chest, if she can answer yes to most of these questions then there is no question in my mind this is the right thing to do.

Have you been to the doctor several times over (at least) the past year due to back, shoulder, or neck pain? YES
Are you consistently prescribed medication to help you deal with the pain? YES
Do you have constant red groove marks on your shoulders where your bra sets? YES
Do you get a frequent rash under your breasts? YES
Do your breasts hang low? YES
Do you have stretch marks around the tops of your breasts where the skin has been stretched under the weight of them? YES
Is your posture affected due to the size of your breasts? YES
Is it difficult for you to participate in sports? YES
Is it difficult to find bras in your size? YES
Have your breasts caused you unwanted attention and self-consciousness? YES
and Most importantly, are your breasts causing you emotional distress or depression? YES

The Waiting is the Hardest Part... Lately it's...

The Waiting is the Hardest Part...

Lately it's getting harder and harder and I've only been waiting for a month or so. To think I've still got atleast half a year of waiting to go! I just feel like rambling a little tonight..

I've always been a sensitive very self conscious and self aware person. Always. I feel like most women my age enjoy their breasts, as one of their most feminine features; whether they are small or large. I feel like they probably don't affect their every day life, and when they want to dress up, dress down, wear a tank top and shorts in the summer when it's +30 outside; their breasts aren't something that deters them or that are even a factor in this process. That's different for me. I'm always aware. I don't stand straight. I have bad posture because of this. I don't stand tall and proud. I let me shoulders curve in a bit to try and hide, to try and curl into myself. Most days after I get dressed I still look in the mirror, turn to the side, stand up real staight and I look at my body. I like my height, I like being tall. I like my broad shoulders, my small waist, my slim hips, little bum, skinny legs. I have a perfectly fine body image and I have a real problem when some people think that women who want this procedure are doing so because they've been brainwashed into a bad self image because of the media. I have a good self image. Better now than any other time before in my life. I love my body, it is my temple. I eat well, exercise and treat myself with respect. But even with all of this, the struggle of carrying around this size chest on my frame is a hurdle I've deemed unfair and unsuitable for me. I don't want to try to learn to love it, because I have for years. I know that something like this only gets worse (and larger) with time and years. I'm young. I want to feel youthful and sexy. I don't want to base my wardrobe around trying not to look like a hoochie.

Knowing know that I'm getting this procedure done has taught me a few things about myself that I did not know before, maybe some things I'm not so proud to admit..
My boyfriend of 3 and a half years is very loving and very supportive and hasn't given me one reason to think he wouldn't be okay with me going through with this procedure. He knows they will look scary at first. He knows I will have scars and to what extent they will fade and that they'll always be there. He knows I'm doing this for myself and he's seen my frustration and my back pain every day that he's been with me. He knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and have children with me and he knows this is the best decision for me in the long run, and also that it'll keep them perky and uppity for longer as well. (I mean if I've noticed a definite sag from the age of 17 to now; 22, then I know they'll sit lower still ten, twenty years from now)
Yet I still find myself seeking constant reassurance from him to make sure that he's still going to find me attractive and going to want me. To the point that it's probably starting to drive him a little crazy. I mean he loves my big boobs. He loves big boobs in general. I use them as a sexual ploy to get his attention half the time. I'm not going to have that when they're gone and I joke that I'll have to shake my butt in his face a lot more instead. I'm not trying to be inappropriate here so I hope no one is taking it that way. Regardless. I have very vivid dreams at night. I've had nightmares where I have the procedure and they leave me with nothing, not even an A cup. I've had nightmares where I wake up and they look the exact same size, not smaller at all but still with the scars.

I've got a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. The angel is the good, healthy, supportive and loving side of my mind. Reassuring me, comforting me, telling me it's all alright. The Devil on my shoulder has been created strictly by the media and by men and boys that I've known. Voices that has stuck to the inside of my skull like hot glue. He's a smug bastard who sneaks in, and keeps telling me the size of my chest is relative to the size of my worth as a woman, as a person. And that by taking away this part of myself I'm taking away the part of me that's worth the most to the opposite sex. Worth more than anything else about me. Worth more than my intelligence or my smile or my compassion or my thoughts and dreams. It's so wrong I know, and I don't understand how there's even a tiny portion of my brain that feels this way! I despise it! These years that I've been prodded and praised and loved for my big boobs by these men that I've dated. This media that is in your face every single day. Men and love and women and big tits and lust and beauty. They throw every one of those things in a big box and jumble it all around until you don't know the difference anymore between it all. I

I get angry too. When a commercial on tv comes on, or a show, or anything portraying a woman will a full bust in a low cut top, whether she's selling sex to sell a product or catching mens attention. I change the channel even. It's absurd! I get angry about men a lot. While I know not all men are the same and they're not all bad sometimes I have a hard time telling myself so. I've dated a lot of bad ones and have a lot of reason to believe that it's true that men really are all pigs. Every last one of them. They don't want brains or love or commitment or laughs. They just want a big pair of boobs in their face. I worry that by taking this one thing away from my boyfriend, (the one thing I've been brainwashed to think every single man wants in life) I worry he won't look at me the same, or that I won't be as sexy to him. Sometimes I'll obsessively search nude women with the same measurements weight and height as me with a B or C cup just to get excited and I'll show my boyfriend saying, "See see! this is what I'll look like! You think that looks good right?? See small boobs can be great too right?? Right?" and he always laughs and says "Yes yes! ofcourse I know! Stop worrying!!" but God I'm so neurotic. I wish that I had have sought out this procedure when I was single and cared mainly about my opinion and didn't have to get so neurotic about a significant others possible unspoken and scary thoughts..

I'm not for one moment having doubts about this at all. I want it 100% and that's not going to change. I just wasn't aware of the flood of emotions that would come along with it, even pre - op. It's a real journey isn't it ladies! :)

my back is killing me

ready for this reduction! asap. gahhhhh


So I've had a couple of unforeseen setbacks...

My boyfriend of 3 and a half years. I found all this wonderful porn stuff on his computer. A tumblr he made and religiously had been updating daily for the past year or year and a half or so. All about huge boobs and how much he loves them. The title of the blog was something stupid like GoodGodILoveBigTits or something stupid like that. Just filled with pictures of huge boobs, natural ones, lots of fake plastic looking ones. Basically, the opposite of how my boobs are going to look. As If I wasn't feeling concerned enough.

And if that wasn't a blow to the gut enough. Turns out he had also been using this porn site for the past year and a half, atleast, maybe longer. Online video chat site. He had paid for one on one videos with these gross disgusting whorish looking girls with huge fake plastic looking boobs. You know, one on one videos, where he gets them to do whatever he wants. and I got to see all the chat history with him and all these girls. Him calling them babe, love, beautiful, sexy,.. things that should have been reserved only for me. These women looked nothing like me. And the one that he talked to the most, and spent money on the most for one on one videos, looks nothing like me. brunnette, ton of makeup, really unnatural looking boobs, a twat that looks tiny like a ten year olds. I found her hideous. I don't understand why. I don't have a lot of self confidence, but I know that I am more beautiful than her, inside and out, but still, my low self confidence has gone even lower. I am disgusted with him for making me feel that I am not enough. I have since not been able to get my images of her and her stupid voice out of my hear.

My anger... I cannot explain my anger. I have borderline personality disorder, and I think that makes it even harder for me to deal with my emotions in a situation like this. I have good days, but most days I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. My view of him, is different, judgmental and changed for the worse. And for now, my view of men is different, judgmental, and changed for the worse (Not that it was in a good place to begin with). I feel that all or atleast most men, are only concerned with what material they're going to jack off to that day and atleast 50% of the time all they're thinking about are their cocks, or porn, or sluts, or huge fake tits and nasty women with painted faces and no moral compass. I think all men want a beautiful girl, to fill the void of love, compassion and warmth. And then on the side they also want or have this need to fill some void with porn, this carnal need for whores. It confuses me to no end, because I've never had a need to go look at cocks or talk to other men online. I don't think I can trust him again, or any man. I feel that I am trapped to be with him, and try to forgive him for this, or just follow a life of bad love affairs where I continue to get hurt in the same way. If I stay with him, how am I ever going to trust? Or feel that I am enough? If I wasn't enough with my huge boobs that he loves, and he still needed this shit on the side, how will I ever feel that I am enough when I have small boobs with scars??? I honestly think that because of this I may need to get back into therapy. ( I was seeing a shrink on and off from the ages of 17-20) . I have never felt, lower, and less physically attractive, and more insecure and taken advantage of, and just sickened, than I do right now at this point in life. How it is that someone who loves me, could put me in this state, I do not know. And if anyone wants to comment about how all men watch porn, and try to tell me that what he did is normal and ok, then please reserve your comment.

Aside from all this. I called my surgeons office, and asked the receptionist if she had a better idea for me of when this fall my surgery would be... September, October or November. and she laughed and said 'oh? It's a 12 month wait dear' no reservation or concern in her voice or apology or anything. I told her that the surgeon told me it was a 6-8 month wait, and she said ' No he was wrong its a 12 month wait'. She gave me a number to call the head of surgery at the hospital here, so I called her and she then informed me that it's actually a 12-14 month wait. This means that I won't have my surgery until February-April 2014. More months of mental torture.

Oh! and because of all this stress, I've gained 5-10 pounds and I'm pretty damn positive my boobs have actually gotten bigger. I'm almost 23 and my brain hasn't gotten the message yet. I'm certain that 2 years ago I was probably a 32DD and now I'm probably a 30F. I feel disgusting, and bitter, and angry, and betrayed, and broken down. I don't like being an adult, and I didn't like being a teenager either, and I haven't had a lot of fun memories, and I'm just losing my way.

But I know I really need to look a the longer wait as a way to try to sort myself out, maybe see a therapist, and try to heal some of my emotional wounds so I am better prepared to view myself in a positive way after all of this. Because right now I am a mess.
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You are a very good writer, by the way for 22. I'm not minimizing your hurt and pain, but your writing really conveyed this. Is the wait for the surgery due to insurance or the doctor? Being in Canada, I'm sure it's the health care system. I'm sorry you can't come down to NY, but I know it won't transfer. I've had three surgeries in Buffalo. I think therapy will help, but quite honestly at 22, this guy isn't the be all and end all of anything. Not every guy is like that at all, so if you haven't, I'd kick his porn lovin ass to the curb. Do what you are doing by yourself, for yourself. You will heal, go on with life and I eventually meet a I sweetheart who never knew you with big boobs, hence the much lower incidence of meeting another low life. Anxiety and depression seem more attuned to you. Who told you that you were borderline? Do you have a chaotic, drama filled life going from one situation to another leaving collateral damage? I hate labels. Get rid of it and live sweetie!
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Hey - I just read your review and I'm so so so sorry you've been going through so much. I really feel for you and especially with what you found out about your boyfriend. I am single but a large part of my hesitation was worrying about mens reactions; as girls with larger breasts we all grew up knowing the sort of attention it recieves and in some cases the guys it attracts and with that on your mind along with everything else that it involves it must have been so difficult to find out. You have an absolutely minute frame and your breasts look 100% a great candidate for a reduction if that is what you want. I'm so sorry you're having a hard time at the moment, but you seem to have a really good understanding of what you need to do and maybe talking it through with someone will help. If you have any questions about the procedure or anything, feel free to ask xx
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Hey I am 23, 168cm and 55kgs (121pounds). I got a breast reduction on Tuesday 3rd December. I was a 32E prior to surgery and I am now much smaller. Hopefully a large B/small C. I am putting my review up today. I totally understand your pain, it sucks having huge boobs. I just wanted to say my surgery was totally worth it, I have had hardly any pain since surgery, other than an empty bank account lol! I'm feeling great at 4 days post op.
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let me, who has enough experience with behaving selfdestructive, give you an advice: You have to be sure about what you want for yourself and not measure that by other peoples opinion. There is no way i would stay with a man like him, but besides that, you should be "allowed" and supported in beeing what you want to be. So, if that means, that this guy is simply not the right guy, i would say, there a many others who would maybe do almost anything for such a beautiful person like you are. I always ask myself, why we tend to think that we deserve to be treaten like this. No we don't!
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This thing your boyfriend did, betraying your trust, cheating on you (because really that's what it comes down to even if he didn't physically touch the girl he was doing the sex chat with) and carrying on this double life - I'm completely disgusted! Do not for one second believe that this is the normal behaviour of an adult male, and although whether to stay or leave is entirely your choice, there really are a great many good guys out there, who would never dream of putting you though something like this.
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Although the waiting period may be excruciating find something to do in the mean time. I've been waiting since march for my insurance to change August 30 then I can start my process and I've just been buying things for after. (Clothes that I could never wear!! ) thinking about how positive ill feel after to no longer feel restricted to go to the beach and swimming again and not have a mental break down :) haven't been swimming since I was 11 lol. Just be positive all of the negative things that are happening is just so you'll appreciate when you finally have positive things going on. Itll all be worth it. I promise. Hope I helped and honestly like i said if you feel its necessary for YOU just do it.
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Don't allow your boyfriend to depict the quality of your life and the way you feel about yourself. You are wonderful and I swear a man will love you scars and all. There's nothing more attractive than confidence so do what you need to do to achieve that unbreakable confidence.
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With all due respect fck your boyfriend. Do what makes YOU happy. If he can't accept how unhappy and how much stress they are putting on you he's not worth it. Also you have what he wants and that's still not enough? He's not worth it. He should support you in every way possible and unfortunately he's not doing so. So as i said do what's best for YOU and your life. You are beautiful and deserve to be treated as such I agree you have really nice breasts but if they are making you uncomfortable I support it.
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Awe. I have sooo much to say that it won't all fit into this tiny box! But reason your review is like being in my own head! I can relate to soo much that you're going through right now! Im Sorry to hear about your boyfriend and the surgery wait! I hope things work out for you soon! If you every need to talk message me! I feel like we have a lot in common!
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Looking at this pictures, they look absolutely beautiful. Aesthetically, they look amazing, but I can feel the pain that you feel, and I don't feel the discomfort, so in the end it's really about your happiness. And it's a misconception that all men like big boobs. I personally love them, but I won't be marrying a girl that I only think is sexy. In fact, guys are attracted to butts, legs, toes, ass, basically if you're a woman, and you're confident in yourself that's really what most men find attractive. And I'm gonna say this again, because it makes ME happy, but your boobs look beautiful, and I bet you look even better once you're happy :)
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I didn't put my pictures on here for men who love big boobs to enjoy, So that's great that you find them beautiful, but I'd rather not hear that coming from a man right now. I'm not baring my soul for men to look at me sexually.
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I know that, which why I attempted to put your worried mind to rest that although I find them amazing, that I am more concerned about your happiness, and I guess, in saying that, I was hoping that you may come to realize that your boyfriend may feel the same way.
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I completely understand where you're coming from. It was very hard to explain to people that this surgery was necessary, because we are constantly told that big boobs=good! Small boobs=bad. Several people even told me that I was "slapping God in the face." You know what? Screw them! You know yourself better than anyone, and you are the only one who should matter when making this decision. I also have a very supportive boyfriend and friends/family, and they will be crucial during your recovery. Stay positive! I could not be happier (just had the surgery last Monday), and I look forward to a new life with no back pain and less attention drawn to me just because of the size of my breasts! Good luck, and keep us updated.
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Same story with me, same size as you, I'm 21 almost 6'0 with nothing but huge boobs on my chest, and whenever I tell people I wear F cups they're surprised because I hide them so well. I also have my surgery this fall. All the best with yours. Hope to be a b cup. the most should be a C. That is what will fit the rest of my body. Wishing the best :)
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The part where you were talking about your bad experiences with men made me emotional. I'm really sorry to hear about your experiences. I'm glad you are taking charge of your life and well being. You are beautiful and loved. Stay strong!
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Hi! I read your story and I just want to wish you the best of luck. Did you have your operation yet?
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well thanks for reading my story and for the support it's much appreciated :) and my surgery will be this fall, not sure when, either in September, October or November I believe. They are going to call me with a date probably about a month prior. There is a wait list where I live, and although I wish I could have it sooner I'm not complaining considering the surgery will be covered!
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Oh to be that long in the body! As a slim woman with previously big knockers, I can tell you that you are going to be sooo happy when you've had the surgery. I wish I'd had the courage to have had it done when I was your age (I've probably said that before!). Once you've made the decision, the time leading up to your surgery date just seems to crawl by but before you know it you will be Miss Proportionate Boobs!
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and Miss Standing up Straight and Tall! :)
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Totally understand where you're coming from. I'm currently a DD and when I tell ppl I'm getting the op, some people r shocked and think I dnt need it but the truth is its your body and u need to be proportionate to your small frame and feel good about yourself. Good luck! :)
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I hear you all the way. It was a very difficult decision for me, even though I needed it. My mom told me not to do it. She said "men like bigger breasts". Every person I asked told me I didn't need it. At the end of the day it was something I did for myself, not men or anyone else. It was a very interesting path for me. I'm glad you are feeling and expressing all of this. It's very healthy. I think you're going to look beautiful.
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Oh my gosh I can't believe your mom said that to you! If my mom said that to me I'd probably cry haha. Good for you for doing what you knew was best for yourself :) And thanks for the support!
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I had a lot of friends express surprise when they heard how large I was. Those of us born naturally big-chested have learned to disguise! It doesn't matter how other people see you . . . you should be able to love the way you look. Life is too short for anything else. Like the poster below, I also had nightmares (In one dream my nipple fell off in the shower) and I was very worried about my husband's perception. I was so happy the first time he touched my chest post-op and I saw genuine happiness as he exclaimed "Hey! That's still quite the handful!". I was worried for the first week after surgery that I had been made too small. I started at a 32GG and was aiming for a C-D cup. At first, I thought I was reduced to a B . . . it just looked so small from where I was! But I have now been measured and am probably at a D or full C. I'm only 2 weeks post op, but I can tell you it is so worth it. The waiting is the worse! I recommend watching some youtube videos in the meantime to help you prepare. It really helped for me.
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Yep. If I wore the proper size bras that fit me well I'm sure I would look my size. The bra I wear most just squishes them in, and doesn't lift. I'm hoping to be a full B or a full C and I have discussed this with my surgeon, and he agrees that this would be best for my frame and will more than likely take a load off and reduce my back pain! I can't wait :)
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Oh gosh, I'm not sure if this is reassuring, but everything you are going through is completely normal. I think the majority of women on this site have gone through similar thoughts and feelings during the run-up to surgery. I think the waiting and the emotional journey is far harder than the surgery itself. I do hope that some of your anxiety has not been brought about by the idiotic comments posted by the person claiming to be a "Manly men". I don't know any men who would make such comments but I do know some children! I was very anxious that my husband - who loved my big, albeit droopy boobs - would think less of me and find me less attractive with 32B cups instead of 30E cups. Since the surgery what he has said to me is that all he ever wanted was for me to be happy and he can see how happy having smaller boobs has made me and that makes him happy. Yes, they are smaller than he would like but he has declared them "terribly pretty" and that works for me! Your boyfriend loves you and wants you to be happy and you are not simply a pair of boobs! I had got cold feet on the run up to my op and wondered whether I should go ahead. Whether I shouldn't just get over myself because my boobs made my husband so happy but then I thought, this is my body. I've always wanted my boobs to be smaller and in proportion with the rest of me. How will I feel if I don't do this? I felt that I would look back on my life and be filled with regret that I hadn't done this thing for me. These bodies belong to us, not our men and I think it's empowering and womanly to take control and make these decisions for our own needs and desires. The nightmares are normal. I had nightmares that I had the surgery but my boobs didn't change size, I also had nightmares that my boobs exploded post-op. It's all normal. Hopefully you will find, as I did, that once you've had the surgery all these feelings disappear and you just feel like it's the best thing that you ever did. We are all here for you, so please try not to worry unduly :)
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