21 Year Old, 525CC, and Now Flat Chested - Bluffton, SC

I thought about implants since I was 7. I use to...

I thought about implants since I was 7. I use to put play-doh on my barbies and stuff my bra with tube socks. I promised my mom I wouldn't get implants till I was 21, I went to my PS on April 10, 2013, and now a year later, after a BA, and capsulectomy, I'm getting my implants removed tomorrow.
I had a capsulectomy on March 25, 2014. My PS said I had grade IV CC, and doing the revision would make it go away, so of course I took off work, went in for surgery, and felt so much better after the scar tissue was gone. A week after my revision, I notice my left breast was red, not just a little red, but like a tomato. And hard. So hard that I would touch it and be in tears. So after dealing with this for 4 days, I went and saw my physician, he started me on an antibiotic, Septra. Four days after starting the antibiotic, my incision started leaking. I went to see my doctor ASAP, and he drained it for about an hour, getting 75cc of fluid. It drained for about 4 days before I had a fever. I went to the ER. They scheduled me an appointment to see a general surgery doctor. I saw him yesterday on the 14th of April, and I go in for a pre-op today, and removal tomorrow. My implant has been exposed for almost a week. I called my plastic surgeon panicked, scared, sad, depressed, but he wasn't there! I talked to his partner, and his suggestion was to take the infected implant out, and leave the R implant!
(I'm in the military, my plastic surgeon is in South Carolina, and I'm in Jacksonville, fl.)
I'm devastated. I loved having my 36DD's. I bought new clothes, bathing suits, everyone said how amazing I looked, I felt amazing, and now I'm going to have nothing again.
Not only is this experience ruining my mentality, but I got a BA thinking "there's no way it'll be me to get an infection." I did everything right, listened to the timeline for working out, I don't drink or smoke, I took my antibiotics.
I've missed so much work because of this. I'm embarrassed and depressed. I don't know what to do. I feel like I would rather have an infection forever and keep my boobs, then be healthy with my implants out.

Implants removed

I got my implants taken out today. I just got home from the hospital. I'm so depressed and down. I've never hated myself more. Or been more depressed. I don't know if I can do this.

3:00 am, can't sleep

It's my second night post removal of my implants. I've never been more uncomfortable or disappointed. I want to wake up and have this all be a dream, and I know it's not. I'm so scared to see what my breasts look like. I'm ashamed. I haven't told any of my friends, and everyone at work wants to know why I'm not on my ship for another few weeks. I don't know what to say when I do have to go back. I left with nice perfect boobies, and came back looking disgusting...I'm sad. Really really sad.

Third day post op

I probably forgot to mention that I'm a corpsman in the Navy. I take care of people, all day long. So to have everyone else taking care of me, is different...and annoying. I can take my bandages off today and shower. I'm not sure if I'm ready...I'll let you know how it goes.

Still can't sleep...

Today was the worst day by far. I sat on the edge of the bathtub as my mom and sister tried to get off all the tape on my body, because my doc gave me the go ahead to wash up in the tub. After sitting there for 45 minutes, trying to pick off the tape without ripping all my skin off, the bandages were off. I've never been so embarrassed in my life. And that's just in front of my mom and sister. I look like a circus freak. I'm disgusting. I'm so grossed out by my breasts. I can't help but to cry. All the time. On top of that, my brother came up to jacksonville from miami..my family is being wonderful, I'm just so depressed...
I would post a picture of my breasts, because I took one, but I'm not ready. It's absolutely horrific. Does anyone know if my muscles will relax? My right breast is still folding over, I'm not sure if it's because I'm covered in sticky tape, or because my sutures are sticking to my skin, I don't know what's going on, but I'm freaking out. I need some help. And a friend....

I miss these

I woke up frustrated. I feel like I would have rather died from an infection with my implants, then have to take them out. What is wrong with me?! I miss them. How can implants have such an effect on me? My right breast is still dented. Bad. Really bad. I'm too embarrassed to post a picture of it.

Happy Easter everyone. Eat lots of candy for me, because my stomach is still acting crazy.

Drains removed

I got my drains removed yesterday!!! Thank god! (Thank you for not telling me how f'ing painful it was, because it was!!!!!)
My doctor is really concerned about the fold in my right breast. He got a second opinion, and they both think I will need reconstructive surgery, but it will have to wait till after deployment. Pretty crummy.

Two months later

So, it's been two months later. I still hate my body, and my scars are more horrific then I could imagine. My skin has tightened up a little bit, but I still have a fold so anytime I try to wear a normal bra, I have to keep my cleavage covered, because it looks fucking weird. I'm going to post a picture of post surgery, please don't be mean.
I just got back from a small deployment. After being cleared to work out again, it's been nice to run again. Chest exercises are a struggle. I'm just trying to get back to where I was.
I hate my nipples. They're huge. I can't wait to find another surgeon after my next deployment so I can feel better. It's going to be a long year.
Hilton Head Island Plastic Surgeon

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I'm so sorry, this must have been so draining. I thank you for writing all this down, it helps others to see that not everyone gets plain sailing, and I hope you can find a solution which makes you happy. Best of luck.
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I'm sorry you've been through so much. If you decide to try another surgeon at some point, I highly recommend dr pettigrew in savannah. Good luck!
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yea! reconstructive. that's good news. take care and happy thoughts your way!
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I think the dramatic changes to your body threw the hormones out of whack. I'm sure that's what is happening to you. You are in a battle for who you are in your mind. Your physique is not who you are. Focus on the changes for improved health. This is all about health, and that is the most important thing in the world. Your family loves you and you can get through this. It's a test of your will, and you can choose to be a fighter or a quitter but I know you are a fighter. You will learn something great about yourself and your family, one day at a time, getting stronger and feeling better. Let it heal and focus on a positive future for yourself. Hugs and good healing to you.
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God bless you hunnie . Please stay positive & keep focused . Everything will work out for the best . Have faith
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How are you doing today? You have been on my mind. Hugs and happy (late) Easter.
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I'm okay today. I'm not in as much pain, I cut back on the Percocet, mostly because they make me pass out instantly. Haha! I go for a follow up today, my drains are pretty annoying-I'm ready for them to be out! Mentally....I'm not sure where I'm at. I have a HUGE dent in my right boob, which is weird to me, because my left one was the infected one. Anyways, I'm hoping my doctor can explain this, because it's annoying and painful, and looks awful. I have a lot of extra skin, and my scars are very low. I'm nervous to see what he says today. I'm thinking of asking for Prozac. I'm not sure though This is all so crazy to me, because I'm normally the happiest person ever. People at work literally call me their ray of sunshine. I'm always smiling and laughing, posting insprirational quotes, giving everyone hugs...and I don't have that anymore. It feels awful, and I tried to be really positive yesterday and I did okay till I put on a normal sized shirt and not a huge one, and it just made me really sad. I don't know, hopefully I figure it out.
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I am sorry that you are going through this right now. I know this is a cliche, but everything happens for a reason. I know that is hard to believe right, and you will be in my thoughts and prayers. It will get better. Try to keep your head up. You are beautiful no matter what.
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My eyes water just thinking of your life right now. I don't know you but I truly deep within my heart want things to get better for you. Try to be strong and be positive.
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Thank you
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I'm trying. It's just really really hard right now. ❤️
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how are you doing today? You have been on my mind. I hate what you have gone through with your implants-emotionally, time, money, healing. Please let me know if I can do anything to help. Sending big hugs!
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I'm..okay. Today was the most emotional day. I could get out of bed. I just don't know where I'm at mentally. I'm so uncomfortable. My stitches are so itchy, my stomach is at war, eating food is a challenge. I slept almost all day. The only positive is that my puppy hasn't left my side. She's been sleeping with me. These drains are driving me crazy -_- I'm irritated today, so I pretty much locked myself in my room. I'm really sad. Trying to find the positive, but I can't right now.
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I came across this page during my research before my BA. http:***removed link to 3rd party website** I am so sorry this has happened to you :( I can only imagine. I hope you can find an alternative to get you back where you were. I know it's not what you feel like hearing, but it's true that your breasts aren't who you are! You'll figure something out, but until you find a solution, meditate on that. Accept your family's support.
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I've been contemplating having a nose job or boob job for sometime now. I'm scared of having both surgeries. I hope you feel better soon and everything comes together in your life. Think positive:)
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I purchased some breast prosthesis for my bra. You can get a nice set for about 30 off of amazon. Don't be ashamed. This
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This was out of your control. You are beautiful! Our breast don't make us or break us unless we let them.
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How are you doing? Could you be eligible for a smaller implant? New research suggest that CC is caused by an infection in the capsule. Maybe after the infection clears and such, you could readdress having new implants. I just got my 11 year old implants out last week-they were supposed to be replaced but surgeon was worried about blood supply to the nipple. I had a lift done too. I have to say that I am with you on the depressed side. My breast look like Frankenstein deflated balloons.
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I haven't even thought about new ones yet. I'm one day post removal, and I'm in so much pain. It's hard to breathe. I'm terrified to get my bandages off to see what my boobs look like. I'm scared and sad. I'm sorry you know how I feel. I wish I could hug you.
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I would give you a big hug too! Just remember that beauty is a process and not an event. My PS says that around 4 weeks, I might be able to get some implants. Although I don't want to go as big as before, I also don't want to raise questions when poof, overnight I have boobs again. Don't be alarmed when you see then for the first time, the skin will retract some. Did your PS give you muscle relaxers for the pectoral muscle spasms?
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So, did the PS say you will or will not be eligible for over the muscle implants in the future once your infection clears? I'm with the other's opinion on getting some second opinions!
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omg, you poor thing, hugs! Do you think your CO will help you in anyway as you try to reclaim your recovery health? And wtf with the nonchalant attitude of the PS! Dude should clean out that pocket immediately with an antibacterial wash and give you a new implant. Isn't that an option? Perhaps you need a different antibiotic? You should be on a super strong one by now, like amoxicillin. Try to eat nutrient dense and low carb foods: allot of protein, probiotic yogurt and probiotic teas, green leafy veggies and colorful veggies, olive oil. Stay away from sugars, fruits, and iron that will feed bacteria. (No red meat, green beans, tomatoes, avocados, breads, potatoes, starches, grains). Until the infection and the swelling are gone you need to fuel the body for repairs and recovery. I'll check in on you again. I know this must be tough. If you have netflix, perhaps some My Little Pony, friendship is magic will cheer you up. Soooo funny! (I love goofy and funny cartoons to pick me up). Or a good book? Take a deep breath, you're not alone.
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Thank you for the love. I'm having a hard time today. Woke up crying. Mostly because I reached down and touched my bandages and it sunk in that my boobs are gone, second, because I'm in so much pain it hurts to breathe. I couldn't eat much yesterday, I had a green pepper and sliced turkey. I got instantly sick, threw up three times. I've been drinking lots of water. My niece is 9, she's on spring break and she's been watching movies with me. I just wish I could feel better in my mind. I can't shake this darkness right now. Thank you for your support and love.
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Hi sorry to hear your story ..but what kind of infection dID u get
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I agree, first and foremost I want to thank you for your service! I am so sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time. Have you talked to different doctors? Not saying your doctor is a bad doctor but I have learned when things don't always go as planned that seeking a second opinion can help ease things or make them better. Please don't be depressed :/
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