30, 5'7, 185#, No Kids but my body looks like it :( Ready to love all of me! Beverly Hills, CA

I've been looking at myself every time I undress or get out of the shower.
I've told my PS a time or two post surgery that I was not expecting the results to turn out poorly regarding changing my shape. This remains.
I've slowly noticed several things all adding up over the past almost two years now that make me feel like maybe I did make a mistake and should have just been happy with the body I had.
I've increased my workouts to five or six days a week. I've brought myself down to the same weight I was day of surgery.
I'm still unhappy.
Why?
I shouldn't have a wider hip shape than before. I shouldn't have more fat jiggling around when I try to run at the gym, in the back. I shouldn't have these extra stretch marks simply replacing the original ones that were cut out during surgery. It seems like all my fat is gathering right along the incision line, but on the backside and outter hip area. My incision is pretty low so it's not helping. My pants don't stay up. My ass looks larger. I have a weird side muffin top now.

I think my only option, which I'm also upset my PS didn't do initially, is the shaping lipo during the same time as my TT and BA. I plan to see him in a couple weeks and continue this plan, but I worry I may be chasing this endless dream that is simply unobtainable. We'll see.

Just passed my 1 month last week, today is actually my 5 week, crazy!

My left breast incision remains irritated and open- I've started using aquaphor instead of neosporin and have an appointment tomorrow to see what else we can do. This is just getting ridiculous. I am following all instructions. So why is the left one suddenly taking longer to close up finally? I am asking for a culture to make sure I don't need antibiotics.

My breasts seem to have some jiggle in them now, which is cool. I had a dream last week after sleeping in a light cotton bra with only light support, that my left breast was down to my BB when I woke up in the dream- WOA! Not cool, dreams. Not cool. I did notice how far apart my boobs separate when I lay down? Is that normal? My breasts were already not super close together but this seems extreme. I hope I didn't ruin something somehow.

I have new stretchmarks- I was never told I could possibly get new stretchmarks from pulling my skin. I mostly see them in the upper thigh area right below my pelvis and TT scar, on the hip area.

TT is looking okay, I still have that pesky stitch knot that pokes around every day or so, and I've started putting a circular bandage over it just in case it decides to poke through instead of dissolving. I've noticed I have a slightly larger/different shape pocket of fat on my left hip area than I do on the right. This was not there before. I am bummed. Hoping it goes away with losing the 10 pounds I am up from surgery.

I am starting to walk around at work more, and also probably going for my first actual "cardio walk" if my breast feels up to it. It's really frustrating to look in the mirror, want to really show off my body, and have these limitations- a wider shape now, a breast that I have to guard from sweat, and rubbing, etc since it's still open, and now figure out how not make it worse. I still have to wear sportsbras and they start hurting the area between my shoulders and neck by evening :(

I finally laugh and use my tummy muscles more! Coughing is still the devil but at least I can use my tummy. Trying to see all the good but this week feels like it's mostly a step back for me with limited incision healing and all things considered. However, I am alive, think I appear in good health, and, I have a flat tummy. I just keep reminding myself of this as I endure.

I've attached some pics of my incision over the past week or so and my body's healing :)

Visited my doctor last Thursday for a 3 week PO and to look at the few issues/concerns, including my left breast incision, the rubbing of my implant against my ribs, and the stitch poking my skin from underneath.
According to the surgeon, all is well, thankfully. However, I don't think I can keep using the neosporin he is saying to use. It is keeping my area red and just not healing, so I don't see the point of still using it. The incision is at a point where it looks like it just needs to be left alone, but how do I do that when I need to wear a darn bra all the time?!
My irritating stitch under my skin is actually a knot to my stitches. He said it should dissolve within the next weeks to months. If others make their way out of my skin I am to pull them with clean tweezers. I am praying I don't have to, or I will pass out. Seriously.
The fluid in my breast causing the squeaking has passed, for now! Yay, positive thoughts!

I tried some jeans on this weekend, and I was really frustrated to learn they barely fit/I can barely button them, leaving them super uncomfortable if I did try to wear them. How can I go through all of this to only come out wider? I really do think I have gained a little bit in width because my stomach was pulling some of the fat on my sides down, and once that was removed, then flattened, it had to go somewhere- but the Dr said I didn't have enough to really lipo.

I am pretty bummed about this :( Not sure what else to do. The front of my tummy looks great but I have more pulling at the sides of the jeans now. I don't see how I can be THAT swollen.

The husband had a serious talk with me about my spending since the surgery- turns out I have been a little too excited to show off my new body, to the sum of 1.5k... that was a shock when he added it all up. Also, I have learned to not buy things on Amazon when in the first two weeks post op when on back relaxers. I looked at some stuff and thought "There had to be a pinterest idea that inspiried me to buy three bags of shaved coconut meat, right?"

All in all, it seems like I am making a tiny bit of progress, I think my boobs are slowly dropping but they still feel super firm. I am going to start pushing myself to walk and get rid of this extra weight from the holidays and surgery recovery. Maybe that will help the jeans go back to how they were.

Ups and downs are good, it's a way to remember all the struggles of this experience and keeps things interesting!