PO 3 weeks days - First day back at work was last day for a bit longer

So three weeks have past since my last post and I'm now in the closing month. The feelings that I've read about have definitely come to the forefront. I'm finding myself being startled at the little bursts of anxiety that come out of nowhere when I realize what I'm doing. Last night I was talking to my DH about how he's going to feel about me being different - it's actually a challenge to him too (yes, yes, it's ultimately nice too - but). We're both nervous, scared, anxious. You know the drill. On the other hand, I've also been surprised that it has seemingly snuck up on me - I have so much keeping me busy in the other aspects of my life that I haven't had time to reflect as much as I thought I would. Well I still have four weeks until T-time so maybe I'll have some Zen moments as we round the home stretch.

Regardless, tomorrow I'm going to get my labs done so that they have something to look at during pre-op other than my lovely tummy! Moving forward!

So it's April already! My surgery is in just two days and I can't even get my head around it. I got my prescriptions filled today and I think that's what is bringing it into focus - I'm finally getting this done! So by the exclamation points you can probably tell that I'm excited - I am. I am so looking forward to the results. I'm not a small woman by any stretch of the imagination (as indicated by the photos that I will try to post tonight - I actually TOOK them this morning - UGH!) So yes, it will be nice to like what I see for a change. It was funny talking to my doctor in the pre-op, he says, "You aren't going to be a skinny girl - you aren't meant to be skinny" - yes, I understand, I don't want to be skinny, I want to be proportionate :) Anyways - I was having that discussion with my DH and how I think my expectations are reasonable... I just don't want a floppy tummy, I want to be able to run without wearing a girdle and if I actually get a flat stomach out of the deal then all the better!

To the other half of the rollercoaster - I'm also really worried that something could happen. I have two beautiful little boys and a great husband that I want to grow old with and if something horrible does happen it would ruin their lives too - I wonder if I'm being selfish and disrespectful of them by taking on this risk. I am scared, I don't like pain (duh) and the photos of all of the other brave women on this site show that this ain't no picnic. Ah, I just hope that by doing my due diligence, choosing a great professional to do the work and following my post-op instructions to the letter I will be alright, better maybe?

Finally the accoutrements - I'm actually excited about this silly thing - I totally rented a power recliner! My care giver (mom) pulled her shoulder and I was worried about getting up without her full strength so I am having that "stand you up" chair delivered tomorrow - he he - should make this a whole lot easier. I remember trying to get up after 2 C-sections, not nice - I imagine that this will be worse... I also got a seat riser for my bathroom - no arms so if anyone has had this done and thinks I need the arms let me know so I can get them tomorrow! Anyhow - I'll report on how that goes, the company was great so if the rest of their process goes smoothly I'd recommend them - they deliver country-wide.

Regardless - it's happening on the 3rd @ 7am. Wish me luck, I'll see if I can get those before photos up tonight before bed!