Nearly 48, Mum of 4 Adults..... 'What the Heck Happened'? - Bangkok, TH

I'm from Perth, have 4 kids and am turning 48 in...

I'm from Perth, have 4 kids and am turning 48 in September. I'm going O/S for my surgeries. I'm having full TT with MR BL/BA (lipo to flanks) and a vaginoplasty (tmi I know) it seems we put everyone and everything else first for so long and then one day you look down and think 'who the hell is that?' That's pretty much what happened to me. I've always exercised as I'm quite vain,not in the way that I think I'm great but that I always feel like I have to look my best. I was such a stress head when my kids were small. My husband and I always worked (sometimes 4-5 jobs between us) as we didn't trust others with keeping our babies safe, but I also felt so guilty for that so I overdid it on the perfect mummy front. Everything had to be spotless before I went to bed, sometimes this was at 4am depending on the job, I had to cook good meals and I had to look my best in case someone thought I wasn't the perfect wife and mother. For goodness sakes I even used to iron every item of clothes we owned (and that was a lot) man I don't even iron now and I only work one day a week. Talk about cray cray. ;0)
I finally realised I have never been happy with my body and no amount of exercise was going to fix it. My first Baby arrived at the grand old age of 21 and I had 3 more and 1 miscarriage before I turned 30. My poor old body has a right to look like it got hit by a dump truck. It's funny when your a young mum you think, I'll do that soon, or, one day I'll get my body back not realising that what you get back looks more like the nasty used up squished toothpaste tube everyone has abused and nothing at all like that shiny plump tube you picked off the shelf.
I suffered with an eating disorder as a teen so getting pregnant unexpectedly was a huge challenge for me. To have no control over your weight when that's all you could control before that was a major heads pin for me but when I accepted it I did it with gusto. I gained 28 kilos with my first and that was on a strict diet of golden gay times and chicken twisties. Hahaha my husband (boyfriend at the time) gained just as much as I did. Lucky for me I breast fed like a champ and was back to my pr-pregnancy weight of 57 kilos due to nothing more than a big fat hungry baby.
I remember in my youthful naïveté going into the bathroom of the hospital 20 minutes after a horrible 14 hour labor and looking in the mirror...... Big mistake. I'm not sure what I expected to see but it sure wasn't the enormous flabby bellied massive stretchmark breasted thing that was looking back at me. Someone really should have stopped me. I'm pretty sure I didn't really look at myself properly for years after that traumatic experience. I went from an A-b cup to an F cup in 6 months and I don't know how big they got when my milk came in but I know I had to feed her laying on my back to avoid drowning her my boobs looked like huge striped watermelons. I think I decided that day I wasn't a woman anymore (I was barely one anyway at 21) but I was now a mother, this meant mum jeans, leggings, big t-shirts and anything that didn't cling. What an idiot! If I was 57 kilos now even with a stretched body I'd be wearing lots of lovely clothes. So I guess what I'm trying in my long winded way to say is that my 20s and pretty much my 30s were a write-off. I always thought one day.
Soooo, why not today. We've recently sold our house and my lovely hubby of 27 years was talking about upgrading our cars and maybe going on an overseas holiday and I replied with "I'd like 20 grand to fix my body" I know it's excessive, I know it's selfish, I know I should feel guilty but bottom line is I don't! I have given blood (by the bucket load) sweat (I hear you say amen sister) and tears to this family and I want to feel good before I'm too old to care. I think having my kids so young and close together has kept me young in spirit (if not antique physically) I don't feel like I'm almost 50! I feel like I'm ready to see the world and dance after midnight. I want to put on a bikini and walk from my towel to the pool, not scurry along like a rat before someone unfortunate cops an eyeful. I want to go shopping for a dress without stress!!!!
Nobody I have told understands. Even my hubby has said I'm mad. He says go for it but I think your crazy. (That crazy boy still sees me as his 20 yo catch) haha. I think he questions why I would take such a risk with my body. I tried to explain to him that it's different for a woman, we are raised knowing that at any time our bodies can be taken over and changed forever. We mothers have already been altered beyond what we think we' re capable of. The unknown danger of pregnancy and birth is such a life changer for us that a little surgery that you may need 6 months to a year to get over is nothing compared to 9 months of swell hell with years of work ahead of you.
I personally expect it to be a walk in the park. ;0) not really, you lovely ladies have given me so much information, hope and encouragement. Just reading all your stories and following your amazing journeys has been inspiring. I hope to do as well as you all have done. I also hope to give as much back to this forum as I've already received.
I'm just trying to pin down one of my daughters to get some pics taken (I asked my husband but he wanted pics of things the dr doesn't need to see,he then took some very blurry images and got distracted by all of the nudity) sometimes you just need a woman. When I have them and have definite price and date from Dr I will upload all of my shame for you to empathise over. I'm hitting the gym too as I don't want this dimply winter bottom attached to the bottom of my lovely new torso. :0) .. I hope to lose some more weight (I should be about 65kg but am sitting on 70-72 kg) I'm 165cm tall so I'm definitely overweight. (I'm 158 pounds should be 143, for all you American sisters)

Questions I have: I know I will lose weight after surgery as I don't eat when I'm in pain, how much difference would this make to later results do any of you know?
: has anyone had lymphatic drainage massage here in Australia or Perth and if so how soon after surgery and where did you go?
: anyone else had so many procedures at once? ( I know if I don't get through all the pain at one time I'd never go back for more)
: how soon before did you cut out salt and start taking supplements? (I'm hopeless at remembering to take medicines)
Did anyone else's family and friends scoff and make you feel stupid and selfish for spending money to be 'CUT UP' as they've said to me?
How different have people (hubby's) treated you afterwards?

I really don't want to ruin my lovely marriage because he's suddenly jealous and thinks I'm going to run off to share all of my goodies with someone else, his words not mine. When I asked who he thought I'd run off with he got a little bit vague, so funny from my perspective as that is the last thing on my mind. He then asked why I'm doing it as he thinks I'm sexy already. So hard to get him to understand. It's not about anybody else. For once!!! It's about ME! Even seeing that written down makes me feel bad, I don't believe in a me first attitude but really, after 26 1/2 years (first baby) I hardly think that counts as first does it?
Well enough waffle, sorry for rambling on, I just really had to get my thoughts out and also put it out there as that kind of makes it more real.
Only 3 months, not too far away.... Aaaaargghh I want it over with.
I'll pray for patience.

Cheers everyone hope your all doing well.
????

Inspiration photo.

Before Pictures (Ugg)

Finally got around to getting my photos off to Dr so I thought I'd be brave and put them up. Not a great feeling but everyone else on here seems to be courageous so I'm joining you.
I was waiting on my house selling and settling to be able to pay for my surgeries and at last it has, so now it gets serious.
The dr I'm seeing only does aereola lifts and it seems I may have to have it done twice as my nipples aren't that big. (News to me I think they're huge lol) but as I'm hoping to avoid scars I'm ok with that, at my age I'm not expecting 20 year old boobs anyway so once might be enough for me.
I'm just in process of getting exact surgery date. This is scary/ exciting. I didn't realise how nervous I would get the more real it's becoming. As I'm travelling I also have to organise flights so once date is locked in its all go. Hopefully I'll just be so busy I won't have time to stress.
Anyhow, I'll be updating as time gets closer, hope your all taking care and looking gorgeous x

Sent my photos through and Rachel wasn't sure if it looked like I had enough skin for TT

Sent my photos through and Rachel wasn't sure if it looked like I had enough skin for a TT. HAHAHAHAHA. Ahem, sorry had to laugh, so I took some more showing just how much skin I truly had. Can't wait to get this baggage removed. It needs to G.O.
Dr. Phryaphas

Have been in touch with Rachel from BM and she has been helpful. I've read a heap of good reviews on her service and the skills of Dr P.

Was this review helpful? 3 others found this helpful

Comments (13)

Sort by

Thanks for sharing..., so excited for you.
  • Reply
Lovely words, I identify with your story soooo much. Thank you for writing it! I think it's a mom thing to have to deal with guilt, it would be there whether or not you have the surgery. I think of it as much as repairing an old injury. I'm so lucky reading all the stories, as my hubby has never once been anything but my cheerleader in this quest. Prayers and best wishes for you!
  • Reply
Thank you aredhering, I'll take all the prayers and best wishes I can get. Man, even just trying to get photos done is freaking me out. Nobody has seen this mess in so long I'm sweating at the thought of posting them into the never never, (my term for the internet, as everyone else can find it but I can't,lol ) I will though, I'm stunned at how brave so many ladies are on here and I don't want to let my new team down. It really is a quest isn't it? Like going off to slay the belly dragon and the two wicked witches of the North. We may be hurt, we may need a long recovery, but we are still willing to take those risks! How can people truly believe it's just superficial vanity? I just wish big fat hefty pregnancies and long labours on them. Haha. Not really. Thanks again for dropping me a line. X
  • Reply
I love your toothpaste tube analogy! I'm rooting for you and hope you get the body of your dreams! Here's a list of supplies you might find helpful.
  • Reply
Thanks so much angiemcc, for your support and your list of supplies. If we are a team, you seem to be our chief cheerleader and coach. I used the toothpaste tube analogy on my husband trying to get him to see I didn't expect to be that shiny plump brand new tube, but maybe just one that has been neatly squeezed from the bottom, a little flat in some places yes, but still attractive enough to leave out on display and still recognisable as a tube of toothpaste not a science experiment gone wrong. I hope it got through, but he did look a little bewildered. I'm just lucky we have an equal partnership, and that I really don't need any bodies permission, I just have to make sacrifices to use the money. No new car for me! And do I care? No I will drive that old family wagon until it dies and then I'll take public transport! And I'll look darned good doing it. Yay! X
  • Reply
I know how you feel! I can't even tell anyone what I want to do! It's not about them! I have the unsettled desire to feel good about myself for once in my life! Tired of not being able to be confident and comfortable in my own skin! It's now ( as soon as I get funds together) or never! I am already 50 ish ;) and have been looking back on my years with a lot of regret! All the could haves and should haves have been taking center stage in my life lately! I see my mom when she was my age struggling with her appearance (she was and still is meticulous about her appearance) she bought ever Jane Fonda and whatever was out at that time miracle gear!!! Even up to her 70's she was buying ab loungers from QVC!!! So maybe this desire will never go away!!!! YIKES!!! I just know surgery is really going to be a pretty good solution to my needs! Tired of hearing clapping from extra bulk when doing mountain climbers ;) My Hubby could care less of the risk. So be glad yours is giving you concern! I look forward to your journey !!!! Proud of you!!!!
  • Reply
Thanks for your comments Gottabelieve. I think it would be a very lonely scary journey if we had to take it on our own. This forum is a blessing for me. Are you, like me, reading and researching every story and picture on here? I just can't think of anything else. I'm actually obsessed. I got caught looking at boobs on my iPad at work by a customer :./ nothing to see here people!! Not to mention the day I tried to research vaginoplasty. I did not expect those pics to come up. You will have to stay motivated and get saving. You deserve this. Don't let any car repairs or kids dentist bills get in the way. We are strong powerful capable women and soon our bodies will reflect that. Stay in touch and keep me informed. Hopefully my story will be one of those sickening ones , (only kidding) that go ..... Up and about already! Walked two miles today, didn't need drains and I feel no pain! And it's only day 2. Haha. More like....."somebody kill me!"
  • Reply
Lol!!! Too funny! Yes you are right!!!! Yes I'm obsessed !!! It's crazy!!!! I want to be in the best possible shape physically as possible! With a great BMI before surgery (whenever the car, dentist , student loans, food! Haha get out of the way!) it will happen "got to believe " !!!! So for the meantime continuing to get to fit goal!!!! That way we have that speedy painless recovery we want to brag about!!!! Stay in touch!!! EXCITED FOR YOU!!!!
  • Reply
Yay I'm so excited for all of us! I can't believe I waited so long. If I could convince anyone of one thing it would be, do it while your young enough to get full value for money. I understand waiting until your kids are older, how hard to be chief bottle washer and hug giver while being cut up and glued together like a jigsaw puzzle. Lucky girls who have the support to do this. I would have been completely on my own with four little terrorist I made myself. Not really, they were great kids but when your a good mum you are never alone or allowed to be selfish. I just wish I'd done it 10 years ago. The kids were older and we had the money, but because we'd been broke for so long it didn't seem reasonable to spend that much on me alone. So it was cars, braces for 3 kids, a trip to America to see the mouse and of course the ever demanding house reno. Oh well never too late, but ladies if you can... Do it! Looking forward to your adventure gottabelieve, we can be hot mummas together. ;-)
  • Reply
I wish I was as motivate a few years ago !!!! Funny how our priorities get switched around in our lives!!!! All I know now is ..... IT'S MY TIME!!!! Might have to sell a kid or two but....o well!!!! Hehe!!!! Lets rock this!!!!! ;)
  • Reply
I think I left that a bit late. The oldest is 26 and youngest 18. Too badly trained now. Nobody would take them haha. I keep imagining that it's already done. It's amazing but I feel thinner and taller, not sure why) I think it's just the positive belief that it will happen and my brain is preparing me for it. (Sounds nuts right?) I think if we can imagine ourselves smaller, or neater I suppose, it will prepare us for the change in not just our looks but our thinking as well. I'm just finding it so much easier to say no to the cake and the late night snacks. It's like I'm trying not to waste my money or something. I figure it's safe to say this stuff on here, my family are sick of hearing about it and also already think I'm crazy. I remember thinking I'm going to do this by 50 or I'm going to completely give up and eat myself into some stretchy pants. Haha. No middle ground for me. X
  • Reply
Hehe! Yes our way of thinking is definitely a POWERFULL thing!!!! I also feel just deciding to do it is over half the battle!!!! ( might change that statement in recovery lol) Yes I try to imagine its done , I'm already wearing waist trainers and padded bras!!! Unfortunately I have to take them off!!!! ;) YIKES!!!!!
  • Reply
Yes, I'm sure we shall go from rah rah we are so going to do this! To.... Waaah, it hurts I want my mummy. Haha. I don't care though, I figure I can do anything for a month and after that another month and so on. To be honest I'm always in a fair bit of pain anyway, I have a C shapes scoliosis of spine and some missing vertebrae so most days I hurt. I think my pain tolerance is quite high. Ha! Famous last words. We shall see. I remember my mum giving me advice when I was quite young, I'm not sure anymore what had happened but probably some teenage tragedy she said "this too shall pass" how many times do we have to tell ourselves that over a lifetime? Labour? Pregnancy? The death of a loved one, the list goes on. We can overcome so much. The rewards will be all the sweeter I think. X
  • Reply