Breast Implant Removal: Stories

Everyone around me has always told me how beautiful I am. Not to be conceited, I've generally agreed. However, as much as I've loved everything about me, I never truly accepted or loved my 32A breasts. After years of contemplating on getting the surgery, somehow, I managed to talk myself into getting the procedure. I opted for silicone, 350ccs under the muscle, crease incision, and the surgery was performed successfully, without any real side effects (nausea, pain, etc) only one week ago one 3/7/2013. I cannot help but believe that I made a HUGE HUGE mistake.

Let me reiterate that I have not had any complications with the surgery at all. I didn't even have much pain or nausea with the surgery. Although my breasts are somewhat swollen, my breasts do not look bad. However, I just don't feel like me. I didn't have much support in getting the surgery prior to going under, and now I have less support--people are seriously mad at me for proceeding! I wish I would have listened to everyone who told me not to go through. I feel awkward and heavy and am feeling really uncomfortable. When I raise my hands, I have a huge crater underneath my armpits. Believe it or not, I feel less beautiful. I see women with small breasts and I actually cannot figure out why I got a BA in the first place. I'm contemplating taking the implants out... I didn't think I would ever say this, but even with all the research I did on BAs I wish I would have thought more about what the procedure would do to me emotionally vs physically.

It has been 11 days since my BA. I still feel the same way about my procedure. I have yet to see my doctor. In my spare time I have been researching breast explants online and on RealSelf, and have been really encouraged and inspired by the stories I have read here. I don't have much else to report at this point, but will continue to provide updates....

I'm slowly starting to forgive myself for going through with my procedure. I'm still not thrilled about it, but there is nothing that I can do about it right now. Guessing from the looks of things on RealSelf, it will cost anywhere from $5,000 to $7,000 for an explant, which I have to begin saving up. I'm not sure how long it will take me.

Today, it has been exactly two weeks, one day since the surgery. I do have some shooting pains in the left breast from time to time, but aside from that, no other problems. Although I can raise both hands, I'm still really uncomfortable. Sleeping is still difficult, but I am now able to sleep on my right side, not just on my back. My breasts are much much softer, but may still have some softening to go. I definitely don't think that they feel like breast tissue, but I didn't expect them to.....They definitely feel like two bags on my chest....I will post pictures soon....

I've been trying to reach my PS without any luck...From my own personal research online, I believe I am developing Mondor's cords....Just my luck. I'm definitely back to hating myself again.....

Breast implants are so stupid, I just want them out of my life for good. As long as I have them, they will literally eat me up on the inside....

Today is exactly one month since my surgery. (Sigh). I was finally able to meet with my surgeon vs one of his staff members/nurses. I discussed with him how I'm feeling, specifically that I just don't like the implants and wish I hadn't done it. I even told him that I wanted an explant. He was really sweet in his response, but as I anticipated, he was against it, and basically tried to convince me not to go forward with an explant. He didn't recommend going smaller or anything, he just tried to convince me not to go forward with an explant. He also tried to tell me that I was in a sort of "post-op depression stage" which apparently, women sometimes get after BAs. Honestly, I don't feel depressed at all, just angry at myself for even putting myself through the surgery in the first place, so I guess my feelings since my first couple of entries haven't changed.

Physically, my boobs are smaller than they were immediately post op and I am sooo happy for that! I'm not really that big, but I wish I would have gone smaller (YES I SAID SMALLER). Previously I was a 32A, right now, I'm measuring at a 34C. I think that my new boobs look super fake and unnatural. I mean obviously they are fake, BUT I think that they look even more fake than the average person primarily because my PS decided to use high profiles--even after I expressed that I didn't want them, and that I thought that the high profile implants would look more fake than others.....And everytime I look at myself and think about it I get angry....

Anyway, one good did come out of the conversation with my PS: My PS did agree to take the implants out for free if I so chose...But I have to wait three months, and won't be able to get them out until June. So now I'm just in a stage where I'm waiting.

I've gone back and forth about putting up pictures, but I'm going to post them ASAP....

Just wanted to share a few more things that are upsetting about my surgery.....

(1) I have developed Mondor's Cords......
(2) Scar tissue seems to have accumulated in the bottom of my breasts, and it does feel bumpy....

(3) My scars are still relatively dark, even using Mederma and BioCornem, which my PS gave me immediately following surgery...

I've been beating myself up for the last month about my surgery, but this weekend, I wanted to do something different. Instead of sulking around, I tried to embrace my new body. Since the surgery, I've been wearing only sports bras and baggy shirts, but this weekend I wore a slightly low cut shirt. It wasn't as bad as I thought, but I must admit that somehow, it still managed to make me feel really self conscious. Maybe it was all in my head, but after awhile I felt like everyone was looking at my boobs...I just felt that everyone could see the roundness at the top....Before I knew it, I was back to my oversized tee and sports bra, and telling myself that they were too round, too high, too far apart....All of the above. I think I would feel much better if my PS would have used moderate profiles, and went smaller...But it doesn't matter now...I'm definitely looking forward to explanting....No date set yet as I have to wait. It's really hard....

Time feels like it's really crawling. Next week will be my two month mark. Still all I've been thinking about is boobs, boobs, boobs. Someone really close to me just learned that they have an autoimmune disorder and in the back of my mind, I can' t help but think I may have opened the door to getting one myself because of getting implants....I don't know if it's in my head, but I also feel like I've been having heart palpitations. Just so super stressed....I'm meeting with my doctor on May 8th and am going to see if I can put together some explant dates

It's been exactly 2 months 1 day since my surgery. I visited my surgeon today....and I told him how I've been feeling about my surgery. He said that after the third month he will explant within a week! Good news. We also discussed the shape of my breasts, and how I thought that they were too high and too round, and very unnatural looking. He agreed. Apparently with the Mondor's Cords, I developed a lot of scar tissue--so much that my implants aren't able to drop. My surgeon now has me wearing a band 24/7 but thinks it might be necessary to go in and surgically remove the scar tissue....So I might as well explant right?