Everyone around me has always told me how...

Everyone around me has always told me how beautiful I am. Not to be conceited, I've generally agreed. However, as much as I've loved everything about me, I never truly accepted or loved my 32A breasts. After years of contemplating on getting the surgery, somehow, I managed to talk myself into getting the procedure. I opted for silicone, 350ccs under the muscle, crease incision, and the surgery was performed successfully, without any real side effects (nausea, pain, etc) only one week ago one 3/7/2013. I cannot help but believe that I made a HUGE HUGE mistake.

Let me reiterate that I have not had any complications with the surgery at all. I didn't even have much pain or nausea with the surgery. Although my breasts are somewhat swollen, my breasts do not look bad. However, I just don't feel like me. I didn't have much support in getting the surgery prior to going under, and now I have less support--people are seriously mad at me for proceeding! I wish I would have listened to everyone who told me not to go through. I feel awkward and heavy and am feeling really uncomfortable. When I raise my hands, I have a huge crater underneath my armpits. Believe it or not, I feel less beautiful. I see women with small breasts and I actually cannot figure out why I got a BA in the first place. I'm contemplating taking the implants out... I didn't think I would ever say this, but even with all the research I did on BAs I wish I would have thought more about what the procedure would do to me emotionally vs physically.

It has been 11 days since my BA. I still feel the...

It has been 11 days since my BA. I still feel the same way about my procedure. I have yet to see my doctor. In my spare time I have been researching breast explants online and on RealSelf, and have been really encouraged and inspired by the stories I have read here. I don't have much else to report at this point, but will continue to provide updates....

I'm slowly starting to forgive myself for going...

I'm slowly starting to forgive myself for going through with my procedure. I'm still not thrilled about it, but there is nothing that I can do about it right now. Guessing from the looks of things on RealSelf, it will cost anywhere from $5,000 to $7,000 for an explant, which I have to begin saving up. I'm not sure how long it will take me.

Today, it has been exactly two weeks, one day since the surgery. I do have some shooting pains in the left breast from time to time, but aside from that, no other problems. Although I can raise both hands, I'm still really uncomfortable. Sleeping is still difficult, but I am now able to sleep on my right side, not just on my back. My breasts are much much softer, but may still have some softening to go. I definitely don't think that they feel like breast tissue, but I didn't expect them to.....They definitely feel like two bags on my chest....I will post pictures soon....

I've been trying to reach my PS without any luck.....

I've been trying to reach my PS without any luck...From my own personal research online, I believe I am developing Mondor's cords....Just my luck. I'm definitely back to hating myself again.....

Breast implants are so stupid, I just want them...

Breast implants are so stupid, I just want them out of my life for good. As long as I have them, they will literally eat me up on the inside....

Today is exactly one month since my surgery. ...

Today is exactly one month since my surgery. (Sigh). I was finally able to meet with my surgeon vs one of his staff members/nurses. I discussed with him how I'm feeling, specifically that I just don't like the implants and wish I hadn't done it. I even told him that I wanted an explant. He was really sweet in his response, but as I anticipated, he was against it, and basically tried to convince me not to go forward with an explant. He didn't recommend going smaller or anything, he just tried to convince me not to go forward with an explant. He also tried to tell me that I was in a sort of "post-op depression stage" which apparently, women sometimes get after BAs. Honestly, I don't feel depressed at all, just angry at myself for even putting myself through the surgery in the first place, so I guess my feelings since my first couple of entries haven't changed.

Physically, my boobs are smaller than they were immediately post op and I am sooo happy for that! I'm not really that big, but I wish I would have gone smaller (YES I SAID SMALLER). Previously I was a 32A, right now, I'm measuring at a 34C. I think that my new boobs look super fake and unnatural. I mean obviously they are fake, BUT I think that they look even more fake than the average person primarily because my PS decided to use high profiles--even after I expressed that I didn't want them, and that I thought that the high profile implants would look more fake than others.....And everytime I look at myself and think about it I get angry....

Anyway, one good did come out of the conversation with my PS: My PS did agree to take the implants out for free if I so chose...But I have to wait three months, and won't be able to get them out until June. So now I'm just in a stage where I'm waiting.

I've gone back and forth about putting up pictures, but I'm going to post them ASAP....

Just wanted to share a few more things that are...

Just wanted to share a few more things that are upsetting about my surgery.....

(1) I have developed Mondor's Cords......
(2) Scar tissue seems to have accumulated in the bottom of my breasts, and it does feel bumpy....

(3) My scars are still relatively dark, even using Mederma and BioCornem, which my PS gave me immediately following surgery...

I've been beating myself up for the last month...

I've been beating myself up for the last month about my surgery, but this weekend, I wanted to do something different. Instead of sulking around, I tried to embrace my new body. Since the surgery, I've been wearing only sports bras and baggy shirts, but this weekend I wore a slightly low cut shirt. It wasn't as bad as I thought, but I must admit that somehow, it still managed to make me feel really self conscious. Maybe it was all in my head, but after awhile I felt like everyone was looking at my boobs...I just felt that everyone could see the roundness at the top....Before I knew it, I was back to my oversized tee and sports bra, and telling myself that they were too round, too high, too far apart....All of the above. I think I would feel much better if my PS would have used moderate profiles, and went smaller...But it doesn't matter now...I'm definitely looking forward to explanting....No date set yet as I have to wait. It's really hard....

Time feels like it's really crawling. Next week...

Time feels like it's really crawling. Next week will be my two month mark. Still all I've been thinking about is boobs, boobs, boobs. Someone really close to me just learned that they have an autoimmune disorder and in the back of my mind, I can' t help but think I may have opened the door to getting one myself because of getting implants....I don't know if it's in my head, but I also feel like I've been having heart palpitations. Just so super stressed....I'm meeting with my doctor on May 8th and am going to see if I can put together some explant dates

It's been exactly 2 months 1 day since my surgery....

It's been exactly 2 months 1 day since my surgery. I visited my surgeon today....and I told him how I've been feeling about my surgery. He said that after the third month he will explant within a week! Good news. We also discussed the shape of my breasts, and how I thought that they were too high and too round, and very unnatural looking. He agreed. Apparently with the Mondor's Cords, I developed a lot of scar tissue--so much that my implants aren't able to drop. My surgeon now has me wearing a band 24/7 but thinks it might be necessary to go in and surgically remove the scar tissue....So I might as well explant right?

Only Three Months After BA, The Nightmare Continues, Ready For Explant!

As if anything else couldn't go wrong.

I feel like each day I go by, my breasts look worse. They haven't changed much, but they are definitely not dropping. My breasts are still damn near my collar bone! The more I look at it, the more I feel like I have somewhat of a Snoopy Breast Deformity, due to my PS positioning my implants too high! I had small breasts before, but they were really perky and NOT tubular or deformed in any way. I just feel so angry and insecure about my body now, and feel like it has been ruined for good.

I'm not sure I want my PS to do my explant. It doesn't seem as if he cares about my problems, and he makes it seem as if it is my fault that this is happening to me. Seriously, I want to do some more research and sue him.......More on that later


It's late at night and I am up....I haven't been sleeping well lately. Of course I'm thinking about boobs, so I came here. I have to admit, I'm feeling very nervous about my upcoming appointment with my PS....I'm also really nervous about explanting--Not that I don't want to do it--I do, but I'm worried about the surgery. The scars where my incision were made have begun to keloid. They say that African Americans typically keloid, and I've never had that problem before, so seeing this is really a bummer. I'm worried that it will get worse once the area is cut again.

I'm also worried about having to go under anesthesia again. From month one to month two post op, I began experiencing frequent lightheadedness and dizziness. I don't know why.... its been happening....I'm healthy, mid twenties, eat right, exercise, etc and have never had this problem before. My PS said that I could take them out with GA but I'm not sure that will be the case with all the problems I've had post op. So this explant might not be free after all.

Of course I worry about what I will look like, but I don't care anymore. I just want to be happy, healthy, and free. After my explant stage, the only remaining nightmare is paying off the implants......ugh.

I think I will take a break from the site for awhile. I want to share good news next, not more bad news.

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE who has visited my page! I really appreciate your kind words and support. It has truly made this difficult experience much easier. xo

Okay So I'm A Little Confused..Help Me!

I am officially three months post op. A few days ago, I saw my PS...And guess what? He is still trying to convince me not to go through with the explant. He is going to charge me to remove them even though he said he wouldn't....Here is the thing: I'm starting to feel confused about my initial surgery. I honestly feel like I made a huge mistake, but I think I'm more angry that I spent money that could LITERALLY have gone towards a down payment on a new car....Or something else I really wanted....And I'm not sure if I really regret the surgery because I really do, or it didn't turn out how I wanted--I got really bad Mondor's Cords (which have resolved slightly) AND I have so much scar tissue that the implants never dropped....I don't know what I would feel if they would have dropped....Some days I feel like paying to have them corrected (removal and correction are about the same price)...Other days I just want to forget about it because I'm so unhappy with everything and this surgery....How I was treated by the staff/nurses during surgery....Spending money (and now really needing it).....Getting an ugly scar.....The implants never dropping..... I just don't know...Help! What should I do?? Has anyone felt this way?

Absolutely Going For An Explant

So I've done some more thinking, and of course I am absolutely going with the explant. I was able to get some opinions from other surgeons, and the consensus is that I would need a revision and to redo the pockets JUST LIKE I TOLD MY DAMN PS!! (Sorry I am still angry). Unfortunately, I have to go with my original PS because he is still cheaper--most other surgeons want between 6 and 7 thousand just for a removal. I have to save up a little bit of money for my explant, but I am hoping I will have enough by the first week of August. I cannot wait for it to come. I just want to feel good again and be free and happy. The mistake I made will never go away permanently, but at least I can do my best to fix it....And I will.

No Changes

It's now been 5 months since my BA...No changes at all in shape. I still want to explant but the money situation is hard....I think I'm going to finance it and make payments and worry about it later....Everyday I have nightmares about my implants....I keep dreaming that my implants have ruptured even though its only been a short time...ready to put this mess to rest for good

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Comments (83)

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Do u have any before pictures? The post op pics you posted shows they're to far apart. That could be because of placement or the width of the implant (nit wide enough) or you were already far apart prior to surgery.
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So sorry to hear about what you went through. How is everything.
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Everything is still the same….I still have them in only because I can't afford to take them out. My original PS told me initially that he would take them out for free, but that wasn't the case at all….I'm still so angry at myself….Hopefully I will have enough money in the near future to explant…I may need a lift however…I feel like there is so much sagging because the implants were too big and too wide…everything I DID NOT want my PS did exactly that
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Your bwd has to be as close as possible to that of the implants. From there you have a range of sizes to choose from and the profile based on the desired effect.
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Hi, I hope things are going well...be sure to call around for explant quotes, mine was only $2000 total. It so worth it and I wish I had done it long ago! Good luck :)
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I really hope you get all the necessary financials in order soon so you can explant in the near future. I have a feeling that when you do explant, you're going to look fabulous! Hoping for all the best for you! :-)
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Thank you so much! I really appreciate it!
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I went to University of Virginia to the breast clinic and complained of all my breast implant related pain and problems. The hospital deemed it to be in my medical interest to explant and I'm making payments based on my income. Hope this helps, message me if you have questions.
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How is everything going getting money together for the explant? I think I remember you saying you took the bar, too, so at least the stress of all that is over!! =) Let me know if you need to talk, I'm always here for you!
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Hi LuvMyNaturalSelf, I'm in the same spot as you I think...For me the explant will be pricey and I'm still so upset because I've gone on consultations with other doctors and they have pretty much all said that my original PS didn't get his incisions right and that I would have to undergo a complete revision to look right...I don't want to get my boobs redone, I just want them out as the experience has just been horrible for me...I think I'm going to finance the explant and make payments....In the meantime, just hoping for a job now that the bar is over lol...Thank you for your support! I'm here for you too!
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I'm hoping for a job, too! Makes me wish I had picked a different career at this point lol. My loan money is dwindling and I'm thinking I may have to become a waitress or something. I was thinking stripper but since my boobs are wonky I guess that's not an option anymore haha ;)
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Haha! Who are you telling? Every day I'm like, what was I thinking when I went to law school lol. Funny that you say the stripper thing...I always joke that I'm going to become one, to pay the bills even with my deformed boobs--yes deformed with implants in!
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Hi my name is sarah. I have zero problems with my implants when i woke i was in little to no pain it all went perfect they look pretty darn amazing too. but like you i also regret it. I wanted mine out from about 2 weeks after. I was so down and depressed it was bad. I am at 11 months post op and i no longer feel that way. I still want them out and am going to this month or next hopefully. But add me or msg me on facebook if you ever want to chat or need any help or info search for sarah Louise maxwell and just send a msg saying realself :) im kinda young and the pic is of me on some rocks at the beach. its a selfie
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Hey Notch_model, how are you getting on? Have you been able to finalise any plans as yet? Either way I hope you are well. X
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Totally agree with the way you feel! The only thing I had issues with were my small breasts, and I felt the pressure to go bigger after being brainwashed by media. I'm only 4 weeks out from my BA and hopefully removing at the 5-6 wk mark. Huge mistake. Wish I had listened to those around me who were against me going through the surgery! I don't have any complications. I'm sorry that you've experienced the pocket and chord issue! I'm so sorry. I can't wait for you to find some relief after explanting. I just want my old breasts back!
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Whether or not you decide to explant, your PS can do something about the keloid scars. I had a large mole in the middle of my chest that I asked my PS to remove during the original BA. It started to keloid right away, 2 inches long, it looked like a caterpillar sitting on my chest! I had it for over a year, thinking it would flatten out or get a little better, and it did not. My PS revised it, and you can barely see any type of scar now.
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That is good to know. I'll ask him about it. Thanks for sharing!
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I went through the same thing next time you see your ps him or the nurse to give you a quote on paper that way they can't keep changing the price the longer u wait the more he feels like he can charge you more, also the ps that put them in will charge you less than some ps that didnt put them in. This is a money game that's why they tell u to wait. It looks like he didnt lower u none in order for them to drop, but if you keep them they may drop some due to the weight . That scar looks like it should be hidden in your crease once they are removed since its so high.
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Hi Little Bell, I think you're right. It will be cheaper to go with him in terms of removal. I have both quotes on paper, they are only good for 30 days. I don't really think that my ps made the pocket deep enough for them to fall...I know this might be too much info, but when you squeeze the bottom of my breast, it is empty....I don't even feel fluid like he says there might be in there....I don't feel any lumps either...I dunno...
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That's ok , I don't mind answering questions . I knew he lowered me after my BA because that area had a burning sensation and I could see it too.
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I think you're right about the pockets not being lowered enough. If it was scar tissue, you would expect it on one side, but they both look pretty even. Did you ask if he was going to lower the pockets a bit if you revise?
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No, but my ps said he would just cut the scar tissue and stitch things back up. I don't really feel like he's assessing the situation properly...I'm no doctor but I really just feel like he wasn't as precise this time and he just makes it seem like its my fault that this is happening....Yes, it is possible to scar but I don't think this is the case here...Especially since my implants are to high still...the space between my collar bone and the top of the implant is literally two fingers--my index finger and my middle finger
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Yea and if they were going to drop they would have by now i would think nervous girl gave some good advice , if I was you right before surgery tell him to cut away them old scars and start with new flesh ones. Look up Breast implant removal videos this one ps shows how he cuts away the old scars so the new ones look better. I've herd you can also lazier them so they fade and steroid shots suppose to help them too.
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I agree with NervousGirlie. But maybe another thing to consider is the what ifs, what if your body just doesn't react good to the implants and at the end you'll be even more upset that you spent more money and time into them and not only will you be losing more money, but what's more important you would have put your body through more trauma.
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OMG That is exactly what I've started to think...Like what if I fix it and use smaller implants and it ends up being the same thing...Or it STILL looks super fake. (I read something on here that says if you use an implant that is too small, it will still look very fake) And on top of what I'm paying to fix it, I will still have to pay to remove them....And yes exactly more trauma....Which is what I don't need....I will eventually have to fix them again or take them out at some time....
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