WAITING FOR MY DAY TO EXPLANT!

Everyone around me has always told me how...

Everyone around me has always told me how beautiful I am. Not to be conceited, I've generally agreed. However, as much as I've loved everything about me, I never truly accepted or loved my 32A breasts. After years of contemplating on getting the surgery, somehow, I managed to talk myself into getting the procedure. I opted for silicone, 350ccs under the muscle, crease incision, and the surgery was performed successfully, without any real side effects (nausea, pain, etc) only one week ago one 3/7/2013. I cannot help but believe that I made a HUGE HUGE mistake.

Let me reiterate that I have not had any complications with the surgery at all. I didn't even have much pain or nausea with the surgery. Although my breasts are somewhat swollen, my breasts do not look bad. However, I just don't feel like me. I didn't have much support in getting the surgery prior to going under, and now I have less support--people are seriously mad at me for proceeding! I wish I would have listened to everyone who told me not to go through. I feel awkward and heavy and am feeling really uncomfortable. When I raise my hands, I have a huge crater underneath my armpits. Believe it or not, I feel less beautiful. I see women with small breasts and I actually cannot figure out why I got a BA in the first place. I'm contemplating taking the implants out... I didn't think I would ever say this, but even with all the research I did on BAs I wish I would have thought more about what the procedure would do to me emotionally vs physically.

It has been 11 days since my BA. I still feel the...

It has been 11 days since my BA. I still feel the same way about my procedure. I have yet to see my doctor. In my spare time I have been researching breast explants online and on RealSelf, and have been really encouraged and inspired by the stories I have read here. I don't have much else to report at this point, but will continue to provide updates....

I am too sorry you feel this way, but your story is similar to mine. I thought my BA would be the final touch, the only thing I really didnt like about myself, now I feel I have ruined myself. You may change your mind about how you feel, but if you don't just so you know your not alone, others feel and have felt like you : )
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I'm so sorry you're still feeling badly about your procedure, but I am happy to hear that you are finding other women on RealSelf who are feeling the same way, including some who are even explanting. Try not to be too hard on yourself! Perhaps you will be a great source for other women who can learn from your experience. Keep us updated and if you're comfortable, some photos might be helpful to the community. Take care!

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I'm slowly starting to forgive myself for going...

I'm slowly starting to forgive myself for going through with my procedure. I'm still not thrilled about it, but there is nothing that I can do about it right now. Guessing from the looks of things on RealSelf, it will cost anywhere from $5,000 to $7,000 for an explant, which I have to begin saving up. I'm not sure how long it will take me.

Today, it has been exactly two weeks, one day since the surgery. I do have some shooting pains in the left breast from time to time, but aside from that, no other problems. Although I can raise both hands, I'm still really uncomfortable. Sleeping is still difficult, but I am now able to sleep on my right side, not just on my back. My breasts are much much softer, but may still have some softening to go. I definitely don't think that they feel like breast tissue, but I didn't expect them to.....They definitely feel like two bags on my chest....I will post pictures soon....
Thanks daintygirl!
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I've been trying to reach my PS without any luck.....

I've been trying to reach my PS without any luck...From my own personal research online, I believe I am developing Mondor's cords....Just my luck. I'm definitely back to hating myself again.....

Breast implants are so stupid, I just want them...

Breast implants are so stupid, I just want them out of my life for good. As long as I have them, they will literally eat me up on the inside....

Today is exactly one month since my surgery. ...

Today is exactly one month since my surgery. (Sigh). I was finally able to meet with my surgeon vs one of his staff members/nurses. I discussed with him how I'm feeling, specifically that I just don't like the implants and wish I hadn't done it. I even told him that I wanted an explant. He was really sweet in his response, but as I anticipated, he was against it, and basically tried to convince me not to go forward with an explant. He didn't recommend going smaller or anything, he just tried to convince me not to go forward with an explant. He also tried to tell me that I was in a sort of "post-op depression stage" which apparently, women sometimes get after BAs. Honestly, I don't feel depressed at all, just angry at myself for even putting myself through the surgery in the first place, so I guess my feelings since my first couple of entries haven't changed.

Physically, my boobs are smaller than they were immediately post op and I am sooo happy for that! I'm not really that big, but I wish I would have gone smaller (YES I SAID SMALLER). Previously I was a 32A, right now, I'm measuring at a 34C. I think that my new boobs look super fake and unnatural. I mean obviously they are fake, BUT I think that they look even more fake than the average person primarily because my PS decided to use high profiles--even after I expressed that I didn't want them, and that I thought that the high profile implants would look more fake than others.....And everytime I look at myself and think about it I get angry....

Anyway, one good did come out of the conversation with my PS: My PS did agree to take the implants out for free if I so chose...But I have to wait three months, and won't be able to get them out until June. So now I'm just in a stage where I'm waiting.

I've gone back and forth about putting up pictures, but I'm going to post them ASAP....

Just wanted to share a few more things that are...

Just wanted to share a few more things that are upsetting about my surgery.....

(1) I have developed Mondor's Cords......
(2) Scar tissue seems to have accumulated in the bottom of my breasts, and it does feel bumpy....

(3) My scars are still relatively dark, even using Mederma and BioCornem, which my PS gave me immediately following surgery...
Oh girl you are so not alone!! I felt the same way but for me it was post-op depression. I was an emotional wreck and hated my new additions. With time I was able to love them, even with the double bubble issues. Don't be hard on yourself! Everything we do in life is an experience. Your BA might not have been what you thought it would but at least it's not permanent. I am glad to hear your PS is willing to take them out no charge and June is just around the corner so keep your head up! Good luck and remember not to beat yourself up too much!
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Busymom55 thank you so much for stopping by! I just read your story, and I can imagine that what you went through was really tough. I really have tried to love my new body but its hard....And I don't know what to do. How did you make it through your post-op depression? You're completely right...my BA is not permanent...Sometimes I forget. Thank you for your encouraging words. I hope everything turns out well for you!
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Honestly it must have been the medication. I was off of the pain meds by day 3 but I was an emotional wreck until day 5 or 6 when I just realized that what was done was done and that only time would tell if I liked them. As soon as I was able to get back to work and move around more like a normal person I felt so much better! Most PS's won't do an explant for you until at least 3 months post op anyway so you might as well wait until June for your PS and get it done for free. Who knows, maybe by June will with end up liking them after all. Check out the Breast Implant Removal board, there are lots of women who feel the same way as you! Good luck to you!
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I've been beating myself up for the last month...

I've been beating myself up for the last month about my surgery, but this weekend, I wanted to do something different. Instead of sulking around, I tried to embrace my new body. Since the surgery, I've been wearing only sports bras and baggy shirts, but this weekend I wore a slightly low cut shirt. It wasn't as bad as I thought, but I must admit that somehow, it still managed to make me feel really self conscious. Maybe it was all in my head, but after awhile I felt like everyone was looking at my boobs...I just felt that everyone could see the roundness at the top....Before I knew it, I was back to my oversized tee and sports bra, and telling myself that they were too round, too high, too far apart....All of the above. I think I would feel much better if my PS would have used moderate profiles, and went smaller...But it doesn't matter now...I'm definitely looking forward to explanting....No date set yet as I have to wait. It's really hard....
I am so happy. I spoke to my doctor and he will remove them this Thursday. :) I will pay 500 to him and 560 for the anesthesiologist. They were so understanding. I can't wait to let you all know how it went. I am so thankful for finding you ladies. You have given courage and strength to do what I feel is correct for my body
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That is awesome news!!! I'm so happy for you! Good luck with everything! Glad I could be there for you :) Definitely keep us posted
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Wow! Really happy for you, I am having mine done on Thirsday. Keep us posted on how you get on. Really happy for you : )
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Time feels like it's really crawling. Next week...

Time feels like it's really crawling. Next week will be my two month mark. Still all I've been thinking about is boobs, boobs, boobs. Someone really close to me just learned that they have an autoimmune disorder and in the back of my mind, I can' t help but think I may have opened the door to getting one myself because of getting implants....I don't know if it's in my head, but I also feel like I've been having heart palpitations. Just so super stressed....I'm meeting with my doctor on May 8th and am going to see if I can put together some explant dates
Hey you, just read your update. I found the last month waiting for my op went super quick. Your not alone, I too could only think about one thing BOOBS! even when I was at work I would drift off and start thinking about the blardy things. I think you wiill feel a lot better once you have seen your surgeon and got the date, its the waiting thats so hard. Im no expert but think a lot of the autoimmune disorders have come about from the older less safer implants leaking. Youve not had your implnats long at all, you will be fine. Try not to stress, easier said than done, but the light is at the end of the tunnel is now. your on the last leg now. X
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How's your recovery going??
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Thanks again dainty girl. I really appreciate your supportive words. I will do my best to keep it together.
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It's been exactly 2 months 1 day since my surgery....

It's been exactly 2 months 1 day since my surgery. I visited my surgeon today....and I told him how I've been feeling about my surgery. He said that after the third month he will explant within a week! Good news. We also discussed the shape of my breasts, and how I thought that they were too high and too round, and very unnatural looking. He agreed. Apparently with the Mondor's Cords, I developed a lot of scar tissue--so much that my implants aren't able to drop. My surgeon now has me wearing a band 24/7 but thinks it might be necessary to go in and surgically remove the scar tissue....So I might as well explant right?
Do u have explant photos? I would like to know if you are happy with your results.
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Time will fly by NM and before you know it you'll be back to natural...sorry to hear about your experience but glad you are taking them out :) Warm huggzz
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Thank you for your support!
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Only Three Months After BA, The Nightmare Continues, Ready For Explant!

As if anything else couldn't go wrong.

I feel like each day I go by, my breasts look worse. They haven't changed much, but they are definitely not dropping. My breasts are still damn near my collar bone! The more I look at it, the more I feel like I have somewhat of a Snoopy Breast Deformity, due to my PS positioning my implants too high! I had small breasts before, but they were really perky and NOT tubular or deformed in any way. I just feel so angry and insecure about my body now, and feel like it has been ruined for good.

I'm not sure I want my PS to do my explant. It doesn't seem as if he cares about my problems, and he makes it seem as if it is my fault that this is happening to me. Seriously, I want to do some more research and sue him.......More on that later
Your story sounds so much like mine. I had mine done 7 weeks ago. I only had 320cc and they feel huge and fake. I walk with my shoulders hunched over and don't feel like I thought I would. I've made a huge and very expensive mistake. I also have had constant nerve/arm pain since my surgery. I've seen a neurologist, chiropractor, primary car physician and physical therapist. It may be from the position of my arms in surgery or it could be from the implants pulling on the muscles and impinging the nerves. I'm leaning more and more towards removing them. I talked to my PS about reducing the size of the implants and he is willing to do that at cost, but I don't even think I want to do that. I think the smaller size will be better, but I may just want them out after that and have to pay for it again! I'm so bummed. I spent some of my retirement money on having a mommy makeover. I love my flat tummy and in no way regret my tummy tuck, but I think these boobs have to go. Hubby will be bummed, he has enjoyed looking at them. But I also know he feels for me when every day I am in pain and my hands and arms are numb. I wish I knew what to do... I had a friend who told me not to do it and I hate that she may have been right! I take full responsibility for getting the implants, I wanted them. I just never wanted this big and that may be why I'm having the nerve pain, they are making the muscles too tight.
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Hi Mommy2Two. I can definitely related to the "Huge and very expensive mistake" portion. The nerve pain sounds a little odd--perhaps you are right. A PS will never tell you these things happen because all they want to do is take your money and get you out of the door. I don't think that making you pay again after such a short period is reasonable, but unfortunately that is what these surgeons do. Your body knows what is best. I would have them removed if that is what you feel. Your hubby loved you before, and he will continue to love you no matter what. Try to cheer up. Hope you keep us posted as to your progress. Thanks for stopping by.
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Hi honey, you won't have ruined that great body, you have only had them a short time, and will have them out soon. Mine are still improving in appearance each day while they recover. In reality no surgeon is going to appreciate having a patient asking to undo their work. You do need to be comfortable with him doing the explant though. You could visit a couple of other surgeons just to compare what they say, it may make you feel more comfortable with your original surgeon, or not. Keep a record of every communication you have with him! Hang on in there X
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So....

It's late at night and I am up....I haven't been sleeping well lately. Of course I'm thinking about boobs, so I came here. I have to admit, I'm feeling very nervous about my upcoming appointment with my PS....I'm also really nervous about explanting--Not that I don't want to do it--I do, but I'm worried about the surgery. The scars where my incision were made have begun to keloid. They say that African Americans typically keloid, and I've never had that problem before, so seeing this is really a bummer. I'm worried that it will get worse once the area is cut again.

I'm also worried about having to go under anesthesia again. From month one to month two post op, I began experiencing frequent lightheadedness and dizziness. I don't know why.... its been happening....I'm healthy, mid twenties, eat right, exercise, etc and have never had this problem before. My PS said that I could take them out with GA but I'm not sure that will be the case with all the problems I've had post op. So this explant might not be free after all.

Of course I worry about what I will look like, but I don't care anymore. I just want to be happy, healthy, and free. After my explant stage, the only remaining nightmare is paying off the implants......ugh.

I think I will take a break from the site for awhile. I want to share good news next, not more bad news.

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE who has visited my page! I really appreciate your kind words and support. It has truly made this difficult experience much easier. xo
Yes its best that you dont think about it for a while... It'll get to you if you cant do anything about it for now. I've heard that it take two years for your body to completely recover from general anesthesia. I am doing my explant under local anesthesia, maybe you can do your research and find out what would be best for you. Anyhow I wish you the best! Keep us updated when you are ready:)
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Sorry you are having such a hard time with your implants.. If you want to have them removed then you should go ahead and do it especially as the surgeon is willing to do it at no charge.If you wait too long you will have to pay to have them removed. Frankly when i had mine done i did love them for quite a few years but then they starten to harden a little and i decided to just get them out and be more 'organic'. When they are removed ask the doctor if he is going to remove the old scar. Keloiding can be helped a lot with micro current therapy. You need to do it as soon as your incision is healed for better results..If you aren't sure what this is you can just google it or click on this link for info http://www.gabrielcenterformassagetherapy.com/uploads/Scar_Tissue.pdf No doubt because you have good skin and are young your breasts will be exactly as they were before.. Did you know it's more fashionable now to be small chested?!! lol Anyway i'll be checking on you to see your progress whichever step you decide to take..Best wishes :) xx
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Talking about that I got a little dizzy spell the other day and seen little fire flys maybe because it was hot . If u do decide to get them removed I think that high crease will be perfectly hidden in your orginal crease , I know the stress your going through and how it feels to have your heart broken because of these implants and also how hard my days have become for me . But there's a light at the end of that tunnel and I'm almost there.
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Okay So I'm A Little Confused..Help Me!

I am officially three months post op. A few days ago, I saw my PS...And guess what? He is still trying to convince me not to go through with the explant. He is going to charge me to remove them even though he said he wouldn't....Here is the thing: I'm starting to feel confused about my initial surgery. I honestly feel like I made a huge mistake, but I think I'm more angry that I spent money that could LITERALLY have gone towards a down payment on a new car....Or something else I really wanted....And I'm not sure if I really regret the surgery because I really do, or it didn't turn out how I wanted--I got really bad Mondor's Cords (which have resolved slightly) AND I have so much scar tissue that the implants never dropped....I don't know what I would feel if they would have dropped....Some days I feel like paying to have them corrected (removal and correction are about the same price)...Other days I just want to forget about it because I'm so unhappy with everything and this surgery....How I was treated by the staff/nurses during surgery....Spending money (and now really needing it).....Getting an ugly scar.....The implants never dropping..... I just don't know...Help! What should I do?? Has anyone felt this way?
I went through the same thing next time you see your ps him or the nurse to give you a quote on paper that way they can't keep changing the price the longer u wait the more he feels like he can charge you more, also the ps that put them in will charge you less than some ps that didnt put them in. This is a money game that's why they tell u to wait. It looks like he didnt lower u none in order for them to drop, but if you keep them they may drop some due to the weight . That scar looks like it should be hidden in your crease once they are removed since its so high.
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Hi Little Bell, I think you're right. It will be cheaper to go with him in terms of removal. I have both quotes on paper, they are only good for 30 days. I don't really think that my ps made the pocket deep enough for them to fall...I know this might be too much info, but when you squeeze the bottom of my breast, it is empty....I don't even feel fluid like he says there might be in there....I don't feel any lumps either...I dunno...
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That's ok , I don't mind answering questions . I knew he lowered me after my BA because that area had a burning sensation and I could see it too.
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Absolutely Going For An Explant

So I've done some more thinking, and of course I am absolutely going with the explant. I was able to get some opinions from other surgeons, and the consensus is that I would need a revision and to redo the pockets JUST LIKE I TOLD MY DAMN PS!! (Sorry I am still angry). Unfortunately, I have to go with my original PS because he is still cheaper--most other surgeons want between 6 and 7 thousand just for a removal. I have to save up a little bit of money for my explant, but I am hoping I will have enough by the first week of August. I cannot wait for it to come. I just want to feel good again and be free and happy. The mistake I made will never go away permanently, but at least I can do my best to fix it....And I will.
How is everything going getting money together for the explant? I think I remember you saying you took the bar, too, so at least the stress of all that is over!! =) Let me know if you need to talk, I'm always here for you!
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Hi LuvMyNaturalSelf, I'm in the same spot as you I think...For me the explant will be pricey and I'm still so upset because I've gone on consultations with other doctors and they have pretty much all said that my original PS didn't get his incisions right and that I would have to undergo a complete revision to look right...I don't want to get my boobs redone, I just want them out as the experience has just been horrible for me...I think I'm going to finance the explant and make payments....In the meantime, just hoping for a job now that the bar is over lol...Thank you for your support! I'm here for you too!
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Hi my name is sarah. I have zero problems with my implants when i woke i was in little to no pain it all went perfect they look pretty darn amazing too. but like you i also regret it. I wanted mine out from about 2 weeks after. I was so down and depressed it was bad. I am at 11 months post op and i no longer feel that way. I still want them out and am going to this month or next hopefully. But add me or msg me on facebook if you ever want to chat or need any help or info search for sarah Louise maxwell and just send a msg saying realself :) im kinda young and the pic is of me on some rocks at the beach. its a selfie
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No Changes

It's now been 5 months since my BA...No changes at all in shape. I still want to explant but the money situation is hard....I think I'm going to finance it and make payments and worry about it later....Everyday I have nightmares about my implants....I keep dreaming that my implants have ruptured even though its only been a short time...ready to put this mess to rest for good
Hi. Have you decided to explant? If so, what date? I am explanting Nov 18, after 7 years. I was a 34A previously... Thanks for sharing
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Do u have any before pictures? The post op pics you posted shows they're to far apart. That could be because of placement or the width of the implant (nit wide enough) or you were already far apart prior to surgery.
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So sorry to hear about what you went through. How is everything.
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