Cutting the String on my Yoyo! - English born living in Sydney, Australia, AU

I'm 61 and I've been yoyo-ing between size 12 and...

I'm 61 and I've been yoyo-ing between size 12 and 18 since I was a teenager. Up and down this same 65lbs about 10 times in all. Every day is a battle and although I've won many days, the only inevitable loss I have at the end, is in the battle.

I've hit 61 and I just can't battle again. I tried the lap band on one down-swing of my yoyo, but I missed eating normally, as in a variety of foods, and mostly, I was always hungry. I had the port removed 5 years ago as it felt uncomfortable on the waistband of everything I wore as I settled on small regular serves of those unhealthy high calorie foods that I could swallow and keep down without vomiting, and in my foolish then slim confidence, thought I'd finally made it. Once band-removed, I devoured all the foods I could not eat while restricted, and although many of them were healthy choices with my volume was unrestricted, and yes, I was still always hungry and I could eat my fill (and that's a lot of food), in a couple of years my 65lbs was back with a vengeance. I lived in misery with it for a year of so before I picked up the yoyo and played again.

I took a year off work using all my accumulated annual, sick and long service leave and went to the gym and pool everyday for a minimum of 2 hours and after 9 months, my enemy, those 65lbs was gone once again. I was 59 and felt fabulous but in true yoyo fashion, I returned to my full time work, and my enemy, those 65lbs were back, within 18 months, without the time to exercise like a woman possessed.

So, I've sat around for 18 months holding 65lbs, reading my scales almost daily, having good days bad days while playing my mini-yoyo game but overall, sitting on those 65lbs.

I've tried them all, weight loss clubs of notable fame, and some dubious tea, grapefruit tablets and prescribed drugs, crash diets and healthy ones, and of course every type of exercise and if wishes and hopes could only keep me slim,I would be as I certainly have had my fill of those.

So, a month or so ago I let the sleeve option enter my thoughts. I've read and read everything I could find, including on this site, and argued with me the rights and wrongs of this chance often and whether I deserve it for failing so often, and at my age, and because insurance does not cover it.

I had to wait a month and a half to meet with the sleeve surgeon and my reactive plan for an immediate surgery date, before I could back out, was suddenly gone. The previous surgeon, who took my band-port out, had chosen to leave the silicon band on my stomach as it was more 'bother' to remove it when it would not restrict me un inflated, and I knew no better. My sleeve surgeon insisted it had to be removed first and then a 2 month break before the sleeve surgery. I took it well I think, but of course, I'm disappointed.

So band removal is set for 22 August, just over 2 weeks away and the sleeve for October 24th, 2014. Now, I'm actually glad for the grounding time so when I do go ahead, it is with a considered time and with informed decision making, and not the rash, rushed choice the day I called to see the sleeve surgeon after the scales numbers refused to drop once again.

I'm scared, I'm nervous, I'm most importantly, I'm hopeful that at 61, I can finally cut my yoyo string forever and live a happy healthy life.

Reality check tonight!

Went to my long term personal GP today who didn't know of my sleeve plans and arrangements, and when I said I was likely to do it, he said it was a good choice for me! I also mentioned I had thought about it (only) to a friend over lunch today, and she too said with a warm heart, it would be good for me. Not the responses I expected, and perhaps I am putting my own feelings of embarrassment into the equation rather than trusting those that care about me. Anyway, I said a couple of days ago I'd put a photo or two up and I've not done so. Avoidance? More shame? I did get brave and took a couple but I posed, well dressed and that hid a multitude of my weight sins. So I've stripped off to my minimum but decent and oh, what a reality check it is! Usually, I can squint, flash a glance in the mirror or not look at all, but tonight I looked and it just made me that more determined.

More reality checking

Each time I play my own mind games I look more closely at me and remember why I must do this!

Bandless and looking forward!

I'm one week post band removal, which translates to one week closer to sleeving! All went well, op on the Friday afternoon, no pain medication required post surgery, just an overnight, and after the weekend, I took just one day, the Monday, off work and was fine to work the rest of the week. Saving my sick leave for a 2 week break post sleeve op. Yes, I was tired and sore (discomfort level) at the end of each working day but manageable. In fact the worst of it all was/is my allergy to plasters. No matter what they use and what I say about how I will react, they put plaster over laparoscopic entries and I break out. It itches so much and gets worse each day for a week, well after I rip them off as soon as I get home. Still wishing I didn't need to sleeve and still knowing without a doubt I do. No miracle change to my eating habits post band removal, and my weight is still way up there at 216 lbs (98 kilos) this morning. I've 8 weeks to my sleeve date and counting! I'll try not to add to my bulk but I'm craving an ice cream binge and clearly, I cave in so easily. I'm living reading about others journeys, not just the physical but the emotional too. Knowledge is power! Reminder of my target; size 14 for Christmas Day. I'm fitting 18 now and I'm 173 cm (5' 8") so I'm a 'big girl' desperately just wanting the big word to go away!

Starting my 40 Day Pre-Op Countdown

Today I'm starting to count days not weeks. Despite every day saying I'll eat healthy and start this weight loss, I'm true to form and today's scales show a 5 lb gain over the last 3 months from when I made this decision. It's a good reminder that I not only want to, but must do this. Today I sweated and puffed through my Saturday domestic goddess chores, another reminder. I'm dressed to go out and I look bloated, squashed in and just plain awful, another reminder. I deserve to be kinder to me than I am being. So I'm happily wishing my life away, well 40 days of it. I don't want to see this reflection anymore!

Size 0 advisor! Pre op meet with surgeon and dietician today. The latter my worst nightmare!

After a quick visit with the surgeon, Ms Perfection Size 0 dietician came in and sat opposite me and using the Royal 'we', decided to tell say how we are facing a big op and we need to start eating in a refined way now so we can do so after the op! REFINED?

Then she, at all of 20 years old, told me how we (glancing at my Summary weight and medical history over 61 years) announced, like it was unknown to me, that we had struggled with our weight for so long and that diets don't work (would I be there if any of the 50+ I had tried did?) and added, we really do need to do better. She said we had gone up and down so often we had to change pre op or post op we will fail again! Lord knows if I could change myself I would not be having this surgery and you don't need to be a Rhodes Scholar to know that.

This was followed by a lesson in eating, using a small bowl, she was kind enough to role play how to take an imaginary small mouth full, put the spoon down, and savour the taste, waiting minutes before reaching for the spoon to do it again. Just in case I missed her lesson, she reacted it twice more for me.

I could barely contain myself, whoops, after listening to her condescending tone, I actually didn't! I certainly clarified that unless I was mistaken I'm the only one having the op, so she could stop including herself in my journey. I also said I know what I should eat and how much I should eat, and the speed I should do it at, I just don't have the control to apply that knowledge and I was in fact the expert in what overeating has done to me.

I haven't been so annoyed for years and it took me a few hours to get over it. Not a positive experience but I'm not letting her insensitivity stop my process, and when I see my surgeon, I'll let him know how annoyed I felt too.

Sadly, I gained nothing from the $200 visit but resentment. I have learned so much more from my sleeve friends here and it's all been in a friendly, supportive non-judgemental atmosphere.

So, back to my positive of just 27 days to op day!
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Hi there, Zen. My story is SO much like yours (I'm 53 and have gained and lost 50-90 lbs repeadedly, my whole life). I am so tired of this psychological roller coaster (and , yes, I consider it more psychological than physiological). I'm at the age where I think: this is it. I can't stay on this up and down track any more. My sleeve surgery is scheduled for Oct. 17th, so we're all roughly getting this done at the same time. It's reassuring to know we can all post here for support, and to vent, and to brainstorm. Thanks for sharing your story.
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herringbones, yes there are a few of us more mature variety going for it around the same time, I'm glad we can chat and learn from each other. I'll look forward to your first post pre op, just 6 days before the surgeon changes my future too!
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Hang in there. The presurgery 'stuff' is very stressful. My doctor gave me xanex to take the edge off a couple weeks before surgery. I've been sleeved 11 days now and decided to have a bit of fish & squah last night and ended up rushing to the bathroom to throw it up. So it's not a choice like previous diets to go off in a week and go back to the way we ate before-you physically will not be able to do that, as much as I'd like at time. Contact me anytime with questions, my name is Judy
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Thanks Judy, I'm Bonnie, and that is the difference between everything I've tried and the sleeve. All the past I could stop. I know stopping the band was totally a health reason not an I want to eat more reason. Any person limited to only high fat choices by the band, is putting their health at far greater risks than being overweight alone. When banded I vomited up almost all food groups, it just did not agree with my body. Yesterday at my preop meeting the Dr said the band had improved a great deal over the 14 years since I got mine so I can only talk about those very first designs. What is squah? Did you purée that meal? I'm not too worried about preop food requirements (avoided using the word diet because that plants seeds of impossibility in my head), they aren't too bad really and if it makes post op easier, I'll do it. Thanks for the hand of support and friendship Judy.
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Zen lady. I am scheduled for October 9th and I am very scared too knowing that it can't be reversed. I have been doing excellent since my first appt in the end of may I lost about 25#. But today I have felt week and eaten a little more that I normally have been eatting. I feel like you at 65 I want to be more activ e and at my previous 236# and 5ft 1/2 inch that would be impossible.
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maryella1, I'm scared of things op and post op too but terrified of being as I am today for the rest of my life! October 9th is just a sneeze away!
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Yes...to live any additional months ....years in the shape Im in now is depressing. Still dont have my date yet...but I am just so looking forward to that date...look to your higher power for courage and peace....take care....we are all with you
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zen and fdwalker I guess I just to take the bull by the horns and move forward. I know just losing the 25# I feel a lot better. with god's help I will get through it. and thank the both of you for being supportive.
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If I may go there....I often get the argument....God made you like that so why change what God made....No the enemy helped me get this way...with lack of self control....over eating....eating for comfort....and the list goes on....None of that is Godly....generational...DNA or whatever...spiritually speaking somewhere down the line...the enemy got in there found my weakness and worked on me...I feel this surgery...retraining my mind and body how to eat...And eating to live instead of LIving to eat!!!! I'm nervous and I dont even have a date yet. lol I guess at one point all the post op were afraid...when they were pre op but "It's going to be alright...Y'all...lololol"
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it's funny that you say that because two of my kids were just here and I told them that I sort of feel that I am defacing my body. and they said I am defacing my body by being heavy, so what's the difference?
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If God got us here, and God is everywhere then he then gave us these tools to change!
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I agree!
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Good Morning A little excited this morning...weighted at 288 from 291 last week and 293 the week before...As everyone knows now...I hate walking as an exercise...so I've been tricking myself into walking more....when I go shopping I walk down all the isles if I have the time. If weather permits I park the car at the farest point in the parking lot and walk to the store....I take my time...and I sweat...and I am a little winded...but its okay. For the past week I havent had any sugar...Just Triva in my coffee...I also have been placing a spoonful of Slimfast in my coffee in the morning as a meal...Im eating five small to medium size meals a day. Some days I can get that last meal in before 6 or 7 but sometimes I can not...when that happens I try to eat very little at that last meal...and I try to keep active for at least a hour after that last meal...cleaning up...washing clothes...just trying to keep active and not going to bed on the food...like I have done for years...well Im excited about the weight loss and the change in behaviors....just got to keep it up ...no more yo yo.....Have a great day everyone!
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fdwalker, you in a great place!
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Just came back from store and parked as far as I could....walked the isles just looking and then purchased my HBP meds...weather is getting cooler here so it wasnt so bad walking in the parking lot....Thanks Zen Lady for the encouraging words....
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I too have been trying to park further away in the parking lot when I go shopping. I notice the difference just losing my 25# how much easier it is to walk just wait until I drop hopefully at least 50#. Anyone that has had the surgery , is it hard to get all the protein and water in if you can only drink or eat 1/2 oz.
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Wow you've done great on your pre-op diet. My surgeons office has a food store with the products I had to eat with my 1 week pre-op diet (I lost 9-10# that week) & liquid diet for 2 weeks and it all has high protein in it to keep the energy higher. I would of been a mess trying to figure out high protein liquid meals pre-op and post-op without the prepackaged meals-they really help.
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fdwalker I was so surprised when my PCP told me so much of our weight issues are hereditary and many people can not keep the weight off and this is a tool to help those people. I felt so much better when he told me that since he knows my struggles for the past 20 years. I didn't want him to think I was lazy since I have so much respect for him.
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Looks like you are already making changes in your life that you will find very helpful post-op. Keep up the good work.
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The first couple of days I did not get all my protein & liquids in. I knew my stomach was extremely swollen and angry acting from all the surgery. Since then I've gotten in my fluids & proteins each day. I'm 11 days post op and probably drink 8 oz of hot chocolate (high protein meal drink) in 15 minutes now. You will have trouble with everything the first few days, after that it gets better everyday. I was scared, now I look back and think.....what was I scared of?
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ready to start your pre op diet tomorrow? I am hoping it's not too difficult, never done a all liquid diet before. since donna marie has talked about the mini gastric I have been thinking about it, since it is a surgery that can be reversed. I am very concerned about losing too much weight and the chance of not being able to get all of my protein in and having a medical issue. have you studied it?
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Good luck Maryella1, I hope your pre-op diet flies by quickly. I will be following your journey. I am excited for you. Wanda VA
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thank you, I am excited too, and scared at the same time.
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Good luck on your journey, I know your frustration all too well! I went from 400 to 170 but yo-yo'd so much that I always say ive lost well over 500 lbs! You'll get there, dont ever lose sight of where you want to be. ;) I'll be following your progress!
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Great encouraging words...Taking those current pictures has really helped....I have one in my bedroom and on the refrig door....I know I will be a five meal a day person with the transformation....It seems to be working for me. Ive gone from 293 to 291.5 since the week end. Fried foods...I just cant do them without weight gain...its just no way around it....My block is exercise...I got to get out there and walk....not a lot but just start...Cant seem to get myself to do that...thighs rub together...booty shaking....sweating....lololol not fun for me...Is anyone feeling me???? But I know I got to do it
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