Cutting the String on my Yoyo! - English born living in Sydney, Australia, AU

I'm 61 and I've been yoyo-ing between size 12 and...

I'm 61 and I've been yoyo-ing between size 12 and 18 since I was a teenager. Up and down this same 65lbs about 10 times in all. Every day is a battle and although I've won many days, the only inevitable loss I have at the end, is in the battle.

I've hit 61 and I just can't battle again. I tried the lap band on one down-swing of my yoyo, but I missed eating normally, as in a variety of foods, and mostly, I was always hungry. I had the port removed 5 years ago as it felt uncomfortable on the waistband of everything I wore as I settled on small regular serves of those unhealthy high calorie foods that I could swallow and keep down without vomiting, and in my foolish then slim confidence, thought I'd finally made it. Once band-removed, I devoured all the foods I could not eat while restricted, and although many of them were healthy choices with my volume was unrestricted, and yes, I was still always hungry and I could eat my fill (and that's a lot of food), in a couple of years my 65lbs was back with a vengeance. I lived in misery with it for a year of so before I picked up the yoyo and played again.

I took a year off work using all my accumulated annual, sick and long service leave and went to the gym and pool everyday for a minimum of 2 hours and after 9 months, my enemy, those 65lbs was gone once again. I was 59 and felt fabulous but in true yoyo fashion, I returned to my full time work, and my enemy, those 65lbs were back, within 18 months, without the time to exercise like a woman possessed.

So, I've sat around for 18 months holding 65lbs, reading my scales almost daily, having good days bad days while playing my mini-yoyo game but overall, sitting on those 65lbs.

I've tried them all, weight loss clubs of notable fame, and some dubious tea, grapefruit tablets and prescribed drugs, crash diets and healthy ones, and of course every type of exercise and if wishes and hopes could only keep me slim,I would be as I certainly have had my fill of those.

So, a month or so ago I let the sleeve option enter my thoughts. I've read and read everything I could find, including on this site, and argued with me the rights and wrongs of this chance often and whether I deserve it for failing so often, and at my age, and because insurance does not cover it.

I had to wait a month and a half to meet with the sleeve surgeon and my reactive plan for an immediate surgery date, before I could back out, was suddenly gone. The previous surgeon, who took my band-port out, had chosen to leave the silicon band on my stomach as it was more 'bother' to remove it when it would not restrict me un inflated, and I knew no better. My sleeve surgeon insisted it had to be removed first and then a 2 month break before the sleeve surgery. I took it well I think, but of course, I'm disappointed.

So band removal is set for 22 August, just over 2 weeks away and the sleeve for October 24th, 2014. Now, I'm actually glad for the grounding time so when I do go ahead, it is with a considered time and with informed decision making, and not the rash, rushed choice the day I called to see the sleeve surgeon after the scales numbers refused to drop once again.

I'm scared, I'm nervous, I'm most importantly, I'm hopeful that at 61, I can finally cut my yoyo string forever and live a happy healthy life.

Reality check tonight!

Went to my long term personal GP today who didn't know of my sleeve plans and arrangements, and when I said I was likely to do it, he said it was a good choice for me! I also mentioned I had thought about it (only) to a friend over lunch today, and she too said with a warm heart, it would be good for me. Not the responses I expected, and perhaps I am putting my own feelings of embarrassment into the equation rather than trusting those that care about me. Anyway, I said a couple of days ago I'd put a photo or two up and I've not done so. Avoidance? More shame? I did get brave and took a couple but I posed, well dressed and that hid a multitude of my weight sins. So I've stripped off to my minimum but decent and oh, what a reality check it is! Usually, I can squint, flash a glance in the mirror or not look at all, but tonight I looked and it just made me that more determined.

More reality checking

Each time I play my own mind games I look more closely at me and remember why I must do this!

Bandless and looking forward!

I'm one week post band removal, which translates to one week closer to sleeving! All went well, op on the Friday afternoon, no pain medication required post surgery, just an overnight, and after the weekend, I took just one day, the Monday, off work and was fine to work the rest of the week. Saving my sick leave for a 2 week break post sleeve op. Yes, I was tired and sore (discomfort level) at the end of each working day but manageable. In fact the worst of it all was/is my allergy to plasters. No matter what they use and what I say about how I will react, they put plaster over laparoscopic entries and I break out. It itches so much and gets worse each day for a week, well after I rip them off as soon as I get home. Still wishing I didn't need to sleeve and still knowing without a doubt I do. No miracle change to my eating habits post band removal, and my weight is still way up there at 216 lbs (98 kilos) this morning. I've 8 weeks to my sleeve date and counting! I'll try not to add to my bulk but I'm craving an ice cream binge and clearly, I cave in so easily. I'm living reading about others journeys, not just the physical but the emotional too. Knowledge is power! Reminder of my target; size 14 for Christmas Day. I'm fitting 18 now and I'm 173 cm (5' 8") so I'm a 'big girl' desperately just wanting the big word to go away!

Starting my 40 Day Pre-Op Countdown

Today I'm starting to count days not weeks. Despite every day saying I'll eat healthy and start this weight loss, I'm true to form and today's scales show a 5 lb gain over the last 3 months from when I made this decision. It's a good reminder that I not only want to, but must do this. Today I sweated and puffed through my Saturday domestic goddess chores, another reminder. I'm dressed to go out and I look bloated, squashed in and just plain awful, another reminder. I deserve to be kinder to me than I am being. So I'm happily wishing my life away, well 40 days of it. I don't want to see this reflection anymore!
Was this review helpful? 6 others found this helpful

Comments (42)

Sort by

Zen lady. I am scheduled for October 9th and I am very scared too knowing that it can't be reversed. I have been doing excellent since my first appt in the end of may I lost about 25#. But today I have felt week and eaten a little more that I normally have been eatting. I feel like you at 65 I want to be more activ e and at my previous 236# and 5ft 1/2 inch that would be impossible.
  • Reply
maryella1, I'm scared of things op and post op too but terrified of being as I am today for the rest of my life! October 9th is just a sneeze away!
  • Reply
Yes...to live any additional months ....years in the shape Im in now is depressing. Still dont have my date yet...but I am just so looking forward to that date...look to your higher power for courage and peace....take care....we are all with you
  • Reply
zen and fdwalker I guess I just to take the bull by the horns and move forward. I know just losing the 25# I feel a lot better. with god's help I will get through it. and thank the both of you for being supportive.
  • Reply
If I may go there....I often get the argument....God made you like that so why change what God made....No the enemy helped me get this way...with lack of self control....over eating....eating for comfort....and the list goes on....None of that is Godly....generational...DNA or whatever...spiritually speaking somewhere down the line...the enemy got in there found my weakness and worked on me...I feel this surgery...retraining my mind and body how to eat...And eating to live instead of LIving to eat!!!! I'm nervous and I dont even have a date yet. lol I guess at one point all the post op were afraid...when they were pre op but "It's going to be alright...Y'all...lololol"
  • Reply
it's funny that you say that because two of my kids were just here and I told them that I sort of feel that I am defacing my body. and they said I am defacing my body by being heavy, so what's the difference?
  • Reply
If God got us here, and God is everywhere then he then gave us these tools to change!
  • Reply
Good luck on your journey, I know your frustration all too well! I went from 400 to 170 but yo-yo'd so much that I always say ive lost well over 500 lbs! You'll get there, dont ever lose sight of where you want to be. ;) I'll be following your progress!
  • Reply
Great encouraging words...Taking those current pictures has really helped....I have one in my bedroom and on the refrig door....I know I will be a five meal a day person with the transformation....It seems to be working for me. Ive gone from 293 to 291.5 since the week end. Fried foods...I just cant do them without weight gain...its just no way around it....My block is exercise...I got to get out there and walk....not a lot but just start...Cant seem to get myself to do that...thighs rub together...booty shaking....sweating....lololol not fun for me...Is anyone feeling me???? But I know I got to do it
  • Reply
I am totally feeling you. I need to get out there too and I tell myself tomorrow I'll start and tomorrow never comes. I'm out of breath and right now my heel hurts - seems something always hurts. Okay, I need to get out of this funk. This is exactly why we are sharing on this website and decided to have the surgery. I weigh in tomorrow and all I was hoping for was one pound and I know I have gained. I'm so ready for this struggle to be over.
  • Reply
Thanks Baby Rhino, aren't we cruel to ourselves too, Baby Rhino as a non de plume? I say 'I'm Ellie, short for Elephant' to people, so my own mind-messages hurt me too. I love 400 to 170, it's amazing and I want my turn!!
  • Reply
fdwalker, I'm so proud of your attitude, I am sadly am own my worst enemy and still bulk eating, often healthy, but BULK. Exercise wise, I feel you, I recognise the walking description so well!
  • Reply
Dreamstofulfill, hope you did ok at your weight in, I need to get a grip of myself and I've sure a lot to grip and more each day! Hurry up op day, but I need a better attitude to help it work, it's no miracle. It needs me working with it and not sabotaging it. Talking more to me than anyone!
  • Reply
Ellie is so cute! I say baby rhino bcz my hope is to blossom into a Unicorn ;) you soon will have your turn. Believe in yourself.
  • Reply
Hey Dream I guess we just got to tell ourselves and each other that we can do it. If not today tomorrow and if we dont do it tomorrow then try the next day but I know eventually we will do it...I've heard this a hundred time...dont eat after 6pm...never happens at my house...with picking up the girls from activities after school, choir practice, bible study,,,that hardly ever happens at our house. Found myself setting the table at 8pm tonight...I got two spoonfuls of something and left the room...Hubby was like where you going...I said I cant eat...its to late...hid in my bedroom folding clothes...lolol it was hard but I knew those potatoes would show up on the scales tomorrow morning...holding at 291...but I'm okay with that right now...Dream get your water in...at the least it will get the fluid our of you and get those bowels moving...who knows you may bobo out a few pounds....it can't hurt Take care and thanks for sharing...Let us know how tomorrow goes
  • Reply
I understand. I totally understand but you must start. Start with walking around the block. Say to yourself," I will walk around the block". Then, do it. Yes you might huff and puff but you did it. Tell yourself that you will do this simple task everyday until you can walk around 2 blocks then 3 blocks and so on. This simple task will make you feel great. It's a personal accomplishment.
  • Reply
Thank you so much for sharing. I going through the process for the sleeve procedure. Last night I completed the second night of my take home sleep study. Because the first night the device kept coming off of me...I sleep a little wild so says my hubby. Your post was very helpful to me because I share the same centatments. Im a few years younger, will be 59 Oct 8th, but its been a struggle also for the past 20 plus years. I'll lift you up in prayer that everythings goes well before during and after surgery. And I hope you continue post. So take care....continue to post.....and hope to hear from you soon. I have not gotten my date yet but Im sure it will happen before the year ends
  • Reply
fdwalker, lovely words, older doesn't mean we can't do this, in fact, we must because by around my age we sure have tried everything else!
  • Reply
So true...during my second doctor's visit I was given a form to fill out explaining the many weight loss programs I had attempted....needless to say I ran out of space on the paper...lolol I agree with what you stating older doesnt mean we cant do it....My goal is to weight less than 200lbs by my 60th birthday!!!!
  • Reply
fdwalker , my first goal is size 14 outfit for Christmas Day, that will be 8.5 weeks post op, and if I can manage a 4lb weekly average, I should make it or be very close, and even if it's for New Years Day 2015, I'd be just as happy!
  • Reply
I know you can do it!!!!
  • Reply
Zen lady: thank you for posting and it is good to see your age. I'm 55 and I'm looking to make a change in my life. Hopefully, my day will be December 22. Please continue to post. It has helped and will continue to help us.
  • Reply
As herald, I sure will, glad it helps as I've got so much help from other here.
  • Reply
Definitely!!!!
  • Reply
Sorry my comments were to Sharoneaton. I get a bit confused with the posts and who I'm answering.
  • Reply