Uneven after surgery :(

Right, so I am 31, 165cm, 54kg, 32A-B (empty), no kids (not planning on having any). I grew up in London, in the UK, but have lived in Adelaide, Australia for four years. I live with my Australian partner.

So, from my teens I decided I was going to have a BA, due to never growing boobs. My family assured me they would grow one day, but it never happened. As the years went on, I became more accepting of my body, and did not really think about having a BA, but always wishing they were bigger naturally.

I trained to be a registered nurse, and worked on a plastic and reconstructive ward for a time, and having this experience lead me to do some agency work for a couple of different cosmetic surgery clinics. One - Transform - were so unethical and slap-dash about their surgery and the pressure they gave patients made me quite anti-plastic surgery, and become quite an advocate for women accepting their bodies, and being proud to be flat-chested, droppy-boobed, cellulite-baring natural women.

For some reason my mind has changed over the last few years. I still think there is absolutely nothing wrong with being natural, having small boobs, a bit of extra flesh, whatever, but I guess I've seen some really tastefully done surgery (rather than the shoddy work done by Transform), and also met several 'normal' women who have had surgery for themselves (not to show off or try to bag a man, but because it made THEM happy).

I also earn much more as a nurse here, and this is the first time I've had disposable income, so it has never been an option.

I also started weight training heavily last year (have had to give it up a couple of months ago due to injury, just getting back into it), and noticed that as my body got leaner, my already small breasts lost what little was there.

So, I've been seriously researching the procedure for over a year, had a few consultations, ummed and ahhed and finally booked to go ahead with it. I am definately an over thinker, and am nervous of regretting it, but for over a year now, I have not been able to convince myself I don't want to do it, and think unless I go ahead with it, I will always want to have them done and be fixated on boobs!

The things that do play on my mind are:

- Not accepting them as part of me, and wanting to explant
- Not liking how they look on me
- Worrying they will end up uneven
- Feeling guilty about spending money on myself (this is a big thing for me - I feel so vein for wanting to do so)
- Feeling guilty about putting myself through unnecessary surgery (another biggie, as feel bad that people need surgery for serious things and I am doing it for vanity reasons)
- Capsular Contracture

It has taken so long to finally take the plunge and decide to do it, and now I have to wait 2.5 months due to not being able to get time off work until late April, which is not good, as it gives me too much time to question myself, and overthink things!

Anyway, enough of my waffling, guess I needed to get a few things of my chest (groan!)

I've been reading on here for a while now, and have found people's stories so helpful, so just wanted to thank you all!

Ali xx

Well I realised I haven't updated this. It has been a difficult few months due to personal stuff with my partner and his family. I even offered to cancel the surgery. But here I am, 9 hours before I need to be at the hospital!

I'm having 385cc high profile textured silicone Allergan Natrelle implants.

Will update from the other side :)

So my boobs were pretty symmetrical prior to surgery, but post op the they look totally different, and worry that they have been misplaced.

My right breast is flat and low, and my left is high and full. I knew a bit of asymmetry is common, but you can see this through a baggy jumper.

I'm really nervous that he's put two different sized implants in by mistake, or placed them in different spots, as they look like they've been put in totally different positions.

I researched my surgeon thoroughly. He has an excellent reputation, he has many years of experience, and I've known people who have had stuff done by him who he has done a great job on.

Did anyone else have this?

Hey guys, hope everyone is well!

So it has been a long and frustrating breast journey and I wonder if they will ever be right :(

So after my initial worries about how asymmetrical during healing my implants were, my doctor thought it was capsular contracture, and I had a revision on October 1st 2013. This left the breast looking worse! The muscle was visible over the implant, the implant looked misshapen, and the lower inner part of the implant had loose skin around it.

I questioned whether it was the muscle causing the problem, and felt the pocket had been over-dissected. My surgeon felt this was not the case, but sent me to another surgeon for a second opinion.

The other surgeon felt that the muscle was the problem. He felt the more the original pocket was revised, the worse it was going to get, and recommended anatomical implants be placed over the muscle.

When I went back to my surgeon, he stated he was surprised by the other doctors suggestions, and did not agree with them. He felt it was best to attempt to revise the left implant again, which my partner, who was at the consultation, also felt was best. I expressed my concerns of doing another revision, only for the same thing to happen, but my doctor said he was confident he could fix it this time, and felt starting from scratch with new implants over the muscle had the potential to cause more problems. I reluctantly agreed to go ahead with this, thinking if it could be fixed with a minor revision, then this was preferable to having both implants removed and placing them in new pockets.

I'm now four weeks post revision, and the left breast (right in the photos) still doesn't look right. I also have a lot of pain in the muscle. I saw my surgeon two weeks, who said it is still healing, and he will see me again in two months.

I'm at the end of my tether with this, as I feel that this is now the third failed operation, and I can't keep going in for more surgery, as I lose work and don't get paid, and the effects of the anaesthetic aren't good for your body. Plus, I don't want to keep having operations that don't even fix the problem.

My doctor is one of the top doctors here in Adelaide, and everyone else who has used him has had great results. He hasn't charged me for my revisions. But I'm at the point where I feel after three operations and he still can't get it right, I should use a different surgeon, but I will have to pay the full fee again.

If anyone has any advice, I would love to hear from you!

Thanks in advance, and hope everyone is well!

Ali xx

Added pics, they are the wrong way round, so looks left is right in the photos!

Double bubble/ bottoming out appearing.