Uneven after surgery :(

Right, so I am 31, 165cm, 54kg, 32A-B (empty), no kids (not planning on having any). I grew up in London, in the UK, but have lived in Adelaide, Australia for four years. I live with my Australian partner.

So, from my teens I decided I was going to have a BA, due to never growing boobs. My family assured me they would grow one day, but it never happened. As the years went on, I became more accepting of my body, and did not really think about having a BA, but always wishing they were bigger naturally.

I trained to be a registered nurse, and worked on a plastic and reconstructive ward for a time, and having this experience lead me to do some agency work for a couple of different cosmetic surgery clinics. One - Transform - were so unethical and slap-dash about their surgery and the pressure they gave patients made me quite anti-plastic surgery, and become quite an advocate for women accepting their bodies, and being proud to be flat-chested, droppy-boobed, cellulite-baring natural women.

For some reason my mind has changed over the last few years. I still think there is absolutely nothing wrong with being natural, having small boobs, a bit of extra flesh, whatever, but I guess I've seen some really tastefully done surgery (rather than the shoddy work done by Transform), and also met several 'normal' women who have had surgery for themselves (not to show off or try to bag a man, but because it made THEM happy).

I also earn much more as a nurse here, and this is the first time I've had disposable income, so it has never been an option.

I also started weight training heavily last year (have had to give it up a couple of months ago due to injury, just getting back into it), and noticed that as my body got leaner, my already small breasts lost what little was there.

So, I've been seriously researching the procedure for over a year, had a few consultations, ummed and ahhed and finally booked to go ahead with it. I am definately an over thinker, and am nervous of regretting it, but for over a year now, I have not been able to convince myself I don't want to do it, and think unless I go ahead with it, I will always want to have them done and be fixated on boobs!

The things that do play on my mind are:

- Not accepting them as part of me, and wanting to explant
- Not liking how they look on me
- Worrying they will end up uneven
- Feeling guilty about spending money on myself (this is a big thing for me - I feel so vein for wanting to do so)
- Feeling guilty about putting myself through unnecessary surgery (another biggie, as feel bad that people need surgery for serious things and I am doing it for vanity reasons)
- Capsular Contracture

It has taken so long to finally take the plunge and decide to do it, and now I have to wait 2.5 months due to not being able to get time off work until late April, which is not good, as it gives me too much time to question myself, and overthink things!

Anyway, enough of my waffling, guess I needed to get a few things of my chest (groan!)

I've been reading on here for a while now, and have found people's stories so helpful, so just wanted to thank you all!

Ali xx