Ready to Feel/look Like a Woman - Atlanta, GA

I'm not really sure how to blog, but here goes nothing!! I am 31 and a mother of 5. I birthed 4 of them and 2 being twins. My body has been put thru the ringer to say the least! I had my 3 big kids by the time I was 20. I have wanted to get implants since 2001. I had a great body (and boobs) before children. Now in my eyes I think I look awful in a mirror. I am covered in stretch marks and tiny boobs. My husband ( LOVE HIM BUNCHES) thinks I am amazing just how I am. This surgery will be for me and how I feel about myself.

I am sure I am not the only one to feel this way, but when the time is right with your husband, boyfriend, spouse...etc... I myself did not like him to touch my boobs. I guess because I know how small they are and how uncomfortable I am with them. I guess I felt like he would feel like I am less of a woman because of it. It takes so much courage just to be naked in the light in front of him. I have to say my husband has done an amazing job of making me feel as comfortable as I can be in front of someone else naked. I am still very unhappy and uncomfortable looking in the mirror without clothes. I really just want to feel like a woman. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I think having this done will help me a lot. I am 5'0-5'1 and 125-130lbs.

The Dr says I am a Neg B. I am planning on getting 400cc. I am going under the muscle with Mentor memory gel. I go in this Friday Feb 17 for my pre-op. My surgery is going to be on Feb 23. I will NOT be getting a pain pump. It was offered and I decided not to get it. I hope that was the right decision..... I have been feeling lots of anxiety. Throwing up when I think about it and walking circles around my house. What eased me was reading post on here and watching videos on youtube. I am much better today than I was yesterday. I found zip up sports bras at Wal-Mart and I plan on getting those. I am also gonna get button up PJ'S. I WANT TO THANK ALL OF YOU!!! All of the post. This site at helped me more than I can say!!! Thank you all so much for all of your post and comments!!

Today was my pre-op. It went well. I decided for sure on 400cc. I am kinda starting to doubt it though. It just looks really big. Everyone I have shown the pic to says they look perfect. Mt PS gave me some meds.... Not really as much as I wanted :) I was hoping for something to help me sleep after and he said no.

I then went to the hospital to do my pre-op with them. Everyone seemed really nice and understanding. I am still nervous though. I am a little bit more excited than I was yesterday or the day before that. It's just a waiting game now. I have to be at the hospital at 6am and surgery at 8am (est).

I guess it's time to start getting everything I need!!!

So it's 4 days till my surgery. I am having a "freak out" moment right now. I know I will be ok though. I had pre-op on Friday. They said I am in really good health and I will come out of this with flying colors...and boobies :) I am a little worried though about going 400cc. I don't want to look fake. I want to look as real as I can plus I want to have the bounce action still. I think that 400cc might take that away from me. Anyone with pointers please help!!! You can look at my pic and kinda judge. I am pushing 5'1 and I am 130lbs. I am looking for ANY outside options on this whole matter. I am getting Mentor Memory Gel under the muscle. Everyone says they are smaller once in than when I am wearing the sizer. I guess we will see....

I really did not expect getting implants would be such an emotional roller coaster. I am almost drained. I know I have done it to myself. I guess I am just over thinking every tiny detail about all of it. Everything from start to finish. I know I am driving my husband crazy by now. God bless him for putting up with me and still being my biggest supporter!! I know he will be happy when they are in and I am not in pain. I will be too though. I am really just ready to get some sleep. I am over waking up all night nervous thinking about this. The surgery is in 3 days and I can feel the stress.

I do have my list ready to go. I just need to grab a few last things and get to packing my bag.... Nervous but excited!!! WOW... I can't believe I am gonna have boobs this week. I am really gonna look/feel like a girl!!!

I spoke with my PS today and talked about the size. We decided that 400cc will look good. They made me feel much better. They also told me to start taking my anxiety med. I took it about an hour ago and it is working!!! Now I am doing the last tweets to my list and gonna go get everything tomorrow. The excitement is really starting to kick in. After looking at more pic today I think I will look good. I am pretty sure I am to the point where I am ready now. My doubts are gone :) 3 days and counting!!!

So its the night before the surgery. I made it to my I'm laws house. Now its time to get something yummy and warm to eat. Then shower and take something to make me sleep. I have to be at the hospital by 6:30am. I am pretty calm at the moment. Kinda sad my husband is not going to be able to be with me.... Hold my hand.... Rub my head..... Tell me he loves me.... Tell me how beautiful I am :-) He is a pretty awesome guy though. He is gonna stay home with all 5 kids so I can go away and have this done. It will be quiet and I will be able to sleep. I have an amazing mother in law and she is gonna take care of me while I am down. I will be looking forward to making it back home. It's countdown time ladies!!!! 12hrs from now I will be sitting waiting to go back. Bags are packed and ready to go. Wish me luck and please sneak a prayer in for me. Oh and small prayer the husband makes it 5 days with 5 kids alone with me!!!! I will update tomorrow.

Today is the big day!!! Wish me luck. We are sitting at the hospital waiting to be called back.

Everything went great!! I have been in bed resting. I did not get sick any..yay!!! I have to say I am a pretty good amount of pain. Not looking forward to tomorrow cause everyone says it hurts worse then. I will post so pic prob Monday after I get back home. I need to lay back down.

It's the day after. I'm in a good amount of pain. I have not been able to sleep. Between hurting and itching all over. Not sure what the itching is from. I am excited I have boobs now!!! I look down and its almost like its not real. I guess because I have wanted them for so long. Now I have them!!!

Well it has been 2 days since my BA. I have to say this is no where as painful as I thought it was gonna be. The worst part was all the itching. I figured out today why I was itching so much. They gave me that patch to put behind my ear to help me from throwing up. I guess my body did not like it. My neck is messed up where the patch was. I took it off after my shower and now I am pretty much itch free... YAY!!! I got to take a shower this morning.... Ahhhh it was so nice. I showered alone with no help. I have been up walking around. I feel great. It kinda feels funny when I push on the top of the implant. It weirds me out. The sound it makes and how it feels. I still have made it home so my husband has only seen one pic of the girls. I am thinking I will be good to drive. I'm going to drive to my dads house and stay there tomorrow. He lives closer to my Dr and Atl traffic is awful. I look forward to seeing my PS and hearing what he has to say. I am most of all ready to go home. I will keep everyone updated on my pain levels and what the Doc says.

So I had my post-op yesterday. Yesterday was a really (hard) bad day for me. I had not really slept at all. I started my period the morning of surgery. I also quit smoking the day before surgery. I had been away from my home and my family for 5 days... Plus just having my BA had taken it's toll on me. Plus I had heard you get a little depressed. I also had to drive home (2 hrs) alone yesterday... Yup the 6-speed. I think it is safe to say my world crashed yesterday. I could not even talk to my PS. I just cried. I could not take anything for pain because I was driving. I was able to tell him my problems and he told me to quit taking all meds I had. He then wrote me some scripts for something new plus something to make me sleep. Then came the fun part. We have to start rubbing the girls. This was not really a rub though. He pushed pretty hard on the bottom of my boob for 10 sec. Oh yeah LOTS of water works... By the time he was done with the other boob the nurse was crying just watching me.

I went to my car and sat there about 10-15 min and just cried. I questioned myself A LOT yesterday. I was wondering why I did this. I was thinking it's not worth all of this stuff I am having to go thru. When I got home I told my husband if I would have known it was going to be like this I WOULD NOT have went thru with the surgery. I am not happy with the way it has made me feel or look. I did not even want my husband to look at me. He walked in the bathroom after I got out of the shower and I covered up. I know they are swollen and they look weird right now. Everyone says it will go away and I will love my new girls in a few weeks. I sure hope so cause yesterday I was thinking of when the soonest is I can get them taken out.

Today is a little better. I am alone once again so I have lots of time to think and look at myself in the mirror..... Lets hope this is just a crazy depressed spell I am having.

Thank you Makenzie and Twins4Me!!! Thank you for kind up lifting words. It helped reading them. I read up on depression after surgery. I guess it's a pretty common thing. Today was a good day. I talked to my husband and he took half a day and spent it with me so I would not be alone all day. It helped just having someone here to talk to.

Yesterday was the twins 11th birthday and I stayed in my room with the door closed all day. I came out long enough to watch them eat a cup cake. I felt so mean. I could not help it though. I did not want to even be around my own kids yesterday. I had a few friends stop by and bring dinner, cup cakes and flowers... I did not even want to see them.

My husband came into the room last night and talked to me. I tried on a few of my shirts and it made my husband ...um "Happy" to say the least. Just seeing his reaction to my new look made the world of difference. Today I love them a little more. I have not cried today and have not thought about when I can get them taken out. So I guess that means it was a good day. I am trying to keep my eye on the prize... My new look. I think now I am just read for the big lump on each side under my chin to go down...lol. Plus I think they are to far apart. I know they will fall into place I guess I am just really bad at the waiting game.

Thank you again for the kind up lifting words... They helped me out tons!!! I will keep you guys posted and I will get some post op pic on here. I will try to get them on tonight.

So I went to see my PS on Monday. He took my stitches out and he said the girls look great!! I had a very rough few days after surgery. I can now talk about it. I am in my right mind and not on any meds and I have slept :) YAY for SLEEP!!!! I think that was my biggest problem was I was not able to sleep at all. Maybe 20 min at a time then I would be up for a few hours before I could get another 20 min. It was VERY rough on myself and everyone around me.I also did some looking around on the web and found it's very common to have post op depression. I cried a lot and really wanted these implants out of my body. I am not really sure why I wanted them out. I mean it's not like they were really hurting. This whole process was way more emotional than physical for me. The pain was nothing I had not felt before. It feels just like your milk coming in after you have a baby. I am a mother of 5 so I know that feeling well. It was about 2 days of trying to stay up right. One word of advice if you are getting a new set of girls..... DO NOT LAY FLAT!!!! The same as when your milk comes in. It's just a bad idea to lay flat for any period of time!! I still have a few issues with it. Only when I wake up in the mornings and I am 2 weeks post op now.

I can say now that I LOVE MY NEW GIRLS!!!!!!! They are AMAZING!!! I am now wearing a regular bra (without a wire). I got to see a few friends the past few days for the first time since before surgery. They all are in wow over my new look. Some have told me... "I am sorry but I can't help but to just look at your boobs. They look great." Also I went to lunch with my sister on Monday. The cook even came out of the kitchen and had to comment on how I had great boobs!!! Then I walked by a dirty old man... He stood up looked at me and said Hubba Hubba... Really? OMG!!!

I am gearing up today for a nice vacation. I am jumping on the Harley with my husband tomorrow and we are going to Bike Week in Daytona, Fl for the next 5 days. I'm so excited... I get to show off the new girls. I will not be driving myself crazy thinking my husband is looking at all the hot girls with big boobs down there cause I will be one of those girls for the first time in my life!!! Getting boobs has helped my self esteem out so much. I feel like a real woman now. I look like a real woman now. I don't have to shop in the little girls dept for padded bras anymore. It's such a great thing!!! My size at the moment is 36C. We will see if it changes once they drop more and get snuggled into their new resting place.

I am gonna try to post some pic today when my husband gets home.

So tomorrow I will be 1 month post op. Things are great!! The trip was awesome!! I was sore though after the ride back. 75 North in South Georgia is no joke... I think the only thing I am having a problem with since my BA is sleeping. I have not been able to sleep a solid night. I wake up at least 5 times a night. My PS also gave me sleeping pills. They help for about 3 hours then I am up again. It's hard for my to get comfy. I can only lay one way for a short amount of time then the girls start hurting so I wake up and have to move.

I went to see my PS on Monday. I am having an issue with my left one. It hurts and it does not have any feeling from the nipple down. I guess he also got a little air in that one during surgery. I have an air bubble and it feels really weird. It has been there about 2 weeks now. He said it will take a few months for it to go away and for me to get feeling in my left breast. I told him that the left one is the red headed step child..lol. The right one is perfect. 100% feeling all over.. No air bubbles and no pain at all. I would think it would have been the other way around since my right one was a little smaller. I guess not.

I go back in 2 weeks for my final check up!! I will get all my before and after pics. He told me that they look and feel great so I am sure my last check up will go great.

I went for my 6 week check up on Monday. My PS told me to keep doing whatever it is that I am doing because it's working and the girls look GREAT!!! They both have already dropped into place too!! I was so happy when he told me that.

The funny thing is.... I don't have lots of time to rub the girls. I will do it between 2-4 times a day. Sometimes I only do it once a day. I guess it's working for me though. I just have to work on getting them to sit closer together. They have moved in closer since my BA. I ran thru the house yesterday and they bounced!!! Now THAT IS EXCITING!!!! They are starting to get pretty soft too. I know they still have quite a ways to go until they are as soft as they are gonna get.

I am so happy I had this done. Yes it was hard right after, but 110% worth it!!! I would do it all over again. I just had to get thru the hard part. I feel like a new woman. I love the way I look!!! Now if we could just work on a tummy tuck to get rid of the battle scars the twins left on me I would be great!!